Connect with us

Life

How to Overcome Harrowing Adversity and Successfully Rebuild Your Life

Published

on

how to overcome adversity
Image Credit: Unsplash

Does the following sound familiar to you? You feel trapped in your life. You try so hard to keep it all together, but nothing seems to go your way, and no matter what you do, those dreadful events keep on coming. Because of this, you have no motivation left to get up in the morning. You isolate yourself and don’t want to see friends or family because you just don’t want to endure this life any longer. If this describes you, I know exactly how you feel!

As Abraham Hicks would say, “For good or bad – when it rains, it pours,” and for many years, my life was a never-ending tropical storm. I lost both of my parents within one year of each other and had no family left. A few years later, I lost my business and all financial assets during a nasty divorce. Two years later, my 10-year-old daughter disappeared. 

I immigrated to Canada in 2004 to start all over, and due to fraud, I found myself with no income, effectively homeless, and potentially $150,000 in debt. I literally drove myself insane looking for the “good” in all of this because like everyone says, it all happens for a reason and always for the better.

It was more than I could endure or so I thought. People often feel defenseless against adversity — they suffer in silence, live hopelessly, and lose the ability to control their own lives.

Adversity is one of the leading causes of homelessness, depression, drug addictions, and suicide; it ends someone’s life every day! I knew my life was spinning downwards fast. It was time for a change and probably my last chance to take action. It is always so much easier to tell others what to do, but the time had come when I had to accept the challenge and get back on track by practicing what I preached. 

I recreated a happy, successful, and fulfilling life for myself again —while knowing that whenever the next hit came, I could manage it. It was not easy since I was only accountable to myself, and yet I saved my life. I proved that it can be done and the strategies I’ve learned and passed on to others do work.

Here are four strategies that I used to overcome adversity and rebuild my life that can help you too:

1. Work with your feelings

Don’t take adversity personally and see yourself as the victim. You may think that life has conspired to hurt you, but the truth is that it’s never about you! You are not a failure. 

Everyone experiences adversity, and you’re part of the majority, which makes you a regular person. And when “it” happens, accept it and stop looking for the good in the bad; there is none. Searching and not finding it will just worsen how you feel, trust me…I have been there!

Remember, whatever happens is not the problem because your emotions are. If you are the person who makes a tiger out of a cat, then you will have to deal with that tiger. Feeling pain is a normal part of dealing with adversity, yet suffering is optional.

It is useless, unhealthy, and destructive in itself. Just feel the pain the moment it happens, and then allow it to pass. Most importantly, realize that you’re going through a tough time, not toward it.

“Never give up, and be confident in what you do. There may be tough times, but the difficulties which you face will make you more determined to achieve your objectives and to win against all the odds.” – Marta

2. Don’t isolate yourself

Realize that you’re not alone, so let friends and family help you. Sometimes people around you don’t know what is going on in your life and how they can support you. Don’t be shy, and ask for help.

Talk about your situation with people who care and hear their opinions; sometimes we just can’t see the obvious. Also, stay away from toxic people. Instead, add positivity in your life through optimistic people, events, and places. It’s important to understand that people are happy to help you. Don’t forget that!

3. Take action toward a better life

Now that you have your feelings under control, acknowledge your situation. What is really happening, and what is the worst case scenario? Write down what has happened to you and what you want to happen; put it on paper, and make a plan.

Acknowledge your strengths. Look back on things you have accomplished. Do you see all the fantastic stuff you are capable of? Thoroughly check your resources and what is available to help you reach the next step. Address your needs and take care of yourself. Do something good for you and your soul.

Now is the time to set goals and be the creator of your new life. Be prepared for the next attack, which will come without fail, and brave it with determination. Most importantly, realize that change for the better will come one step at a time. Just keep on walking, and keep your target in sight!

 “In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.” – Robert Frost

4. Maintain a can-do attitude 

Stop being a victim, and take control of your life. Remember, it is not the event that counts, it is how you deal with it.

There are two elements of utmost importance when fighting adversity:

  • The love for yourself – If you don’t love yourself, how can you expect that someone else does? Not loving yourself has its roots in the past, but whatever it was is gone and will not come back. Instead, every new day is a unique chance for you to create something beautiful in your life. 
  • Your attitude – Your thoughts will eventually create words. Your words will create deeds. Your deeds will soon become your habit. Your habit will eventually form your character. With the right character in place, you can face anything. And that is important because the next hardship will come.

Are you ready to take control and create a life you love? Aren’t you tired of regularly cleaning up the broken dishes of your life? Isn’t it exhausting to feel defenseless, hopeless, and afraid? Don’t give up control of your life by feeling sorry for yourself and risk depression, homelessness, drug addiction, and even suicide.

Start taking control of your life today. Set big goals, chase your dream, and rebuild your life to experience happiness again. Go out and create your own success story, so you can achieve anything you desire.  

Have you ever hit rock bottom and had to rebuild your life? How did it go? What did you do? Share your ideas and stories with us below!

Wilfried Lehmkuhler is passionate about helping people achieve their dreams; create financial Freedom and a Life they love by applying proven success strategies. Wilfried is a blogger, speaker, consultant, and accomplished author who has worked with professional athletes and businesses in Europe and North America. You can find him at FinancialFreedomAndALifeYouLove.com or @WLehmkuhler

Advertisement
Click to comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Life

Failing is More Important Than Succeeding

Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures.

Published

on

Image Credit: Unsplash

People often consider failure a stigma.  Society often doesn’t respect the people who failed and avoids and criticizes their actions. Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures. Not to have endeavored is worse than failing in life as at some stage of your life you regret not having tried in your life.  (more…)

Continue Reading

Life

5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

Published

on

Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.

 

Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:

 

1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.

 

2. Persistent Pain

 
Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
 
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.
 
 

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

 
Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
 
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
 
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
 
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.
 

4. A strong need for control

 
It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
 
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
 
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.
 
 

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

 
Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
 
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.
 
 

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

 
Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
 
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.
 

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

 
 
If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to awebliss.com and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
 
 
Continue Reading

Life

3 Simple Steps to Cultivate Courage and Create a Life of Meaning

we cultivate meaning in our lives when we pursue our calling

Published

on

Image Credit: Unsplash

Our deepest human desire is to cultivate meaning in our lives. Our deepest human need is to survive. (more…)

Continue Reading

Life

Grit: The Key to Your Ultimate Greatness

Grit is an overlooked aspect of success, but it plays a critical role.

Published

on

Image Credit: Unsplash

A grit mindset is an essential key to your greatness. It’s what separates those who achieve their goals from those who give up and never reach their potential. It’s also the difference between success and failure, happiness and misery. If you want to be great and achieve your dreams, then you need grit. Luckily, it’s something that can be learned. Please keep reading to learn more about grit and discover four ways to develop it. (more…)

Continue Reading

Trending