Life
Here’s How You Can Immediately Stop That Inner Critic in Its Tracks

If you’d like to learn how to stop your inner critic so you can become the best version of yourself, sign up for the free 90-Day Master Class hosted by the founder of Addicted2Success.com, Joel Brown.
I grew up with a Yiddish grandmother, so I know that everything is on the table for commentary. Imagine that person that is always around the next corner ready to comment on what you say. It definitely felt like a cat and mouse game, so I’ve learned to scurry around grabbing tiny morsels of sustenance, ever watchful as to not fall into her trap.
The language of the critic is sharp, piercing, and debilitating. It’s fluency to disapprove and analyse everything from appearance, emotions, intelligence is utterly remarkable. What perhaps started as an exterior voice from a concrete “other” then becomes an interior voice that sounds like your own. These spaces are the soil for depression, anxiety, sleep disorders, addictions, and self-destructive behaviors. They kill productivity, intimacy, and confidence.
Imagine the scenario that you are about to make a presentation at work. You are prepared and couldn’t be more ready. Then the cold sweats come, the pit in your stomach, and the raging doubt in your head. All of a sudden you feel like you could get sick, pass out, or both. What happened?
Perhaps there was a presenter before you, and now you are stuck in comparison. Maybe you saw that coworker that intimidates or caught a glance at the boss to see a perceived or real expression across their face and presumed it was disapproval of you.
On a more personal side, imagine the scenario where you are having an enjoyable encounter with a partner. There’s connection and joy. Then the pessimistic thoughts start creeping in and you become worried about your appearance, when just a moment prior there was joy.
Whether it is for personal or professional reasons, we’ve got to conquer that beast!
Here’s how:
1. Take a deeper breath
When you notice the thoughts spiraling in your head, feel that gripping and tightening in your gut and chest, lengthen your breath. Bring your attention to your breath. Inhale in through your nose and exhale through your mouth while making your exhale longer. Perhaps you use a counting system. Breathe in with the count of 2,4, or 6. Breathe out with corresponding 4,6, or 8. Lengthen the exhale.
“Take a deep breath, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again.” – Frank Sinatra
2. Notice
Befriend the beast, get to know it. Once you are more aware of the running commentary in your head you’ll be able to catch yourself when you are facing that overly critical space.
Recognize its go to shaming statements, “You are so stupid,” “Oh, you really messed that up,” “How could you ever think that they would like your work,” or any and every variation of these statements. Where does shame attack? Identify how it feels in your body, emotions, and mind.
3. Acceptance
I’ve met a lot of people in my life, and there is not one person that is shielded from the powers and workings of the inner critic. We all have an Achilles heel. The inner critic knows them well, launches out for those vulnerable spaces, and goes on the defensive.
Believe it or not, the inner critic’s primary job is to keep you safe. It does its job well. If you curtail your hopes, aspirations, and goals so as to not risk, the inner critic thinks it’s saving you from a lifetime of embarrassment.
It is also hindering you from soaring into life with purpose and achievement. Accept that the inner critic’s voice is going to be a part of your life. Learn some skills to acknowledge it and move forward. If you feel trapped in its tentacles and there is nothing you can do to quiet the thoughts running rampant, push pause. Go back to the deeper breathing, take a walk, call a trusted friend, or journal down the recurring thoughts that come and look at them on the paper.
4. Choose
What are you going to do? Are you going to allow the pummeling of the inner critic and get stuck? Or can you focus on solutions to the critique that is coming your way?
An inner critic is just that, a critic. It isn’t solution oriented. Like my Yiddish grandmother, it points out all the flaws. What will you focus upon? What you focus on, you empower. Shift yourself and instead of listening passively to the tear down, build yourself up and do just one thing differently.
“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” – Dr. Seuss
5. Discernment and Compassion
An exercise you can do is to take a moment to look at that list of statements you have journaled about. Acknowledge with compassion any truth that is within them but don’t stop there. Discern where the statements are lies or intimidation. Don’t just silence or ignore the critic, and go on the defensive.
Examine and discern out the spaces that are just not true. You will one day get the promotion because you work hard, there will be a person who is attracted to you because of your strengths and who you are as an individual.
Also, give compassion to that inner critic. 99% of us would never talk to a friend the way we let ourselves talk to ourselves, so begin talking to that part of you as you would a friend.
Show empathy to the parts of you that are frightened of rejection, embarrassment, or shame. Acknowledge them in a kind way, express understanding, show empathy to it as you would another.
Perhaps we don’t conquer the inner critic. Perhaps we learn to tame it and use it to our advantage allowing it to challenge us to be the best versions of ourselves. We can harness its power through breathing deeper, self-awareness, acceptance, and compassion to accompany inner critic into our days and nights.
How do you stop your own inner critic? Do you have any tips you’d be willing to share with us?
Life
The Imbalanced Problem with Work/Life Balance
Balancing is for your checkbook, gymnastics, and nutrition; not for your people’s work/life ratio.

Balance…it requires an equal distribution of value between two or more subjects to maintain steady composure and equitable proportionality. (more…)

It’s 2023, a new year, new you, right? But how do we start over? How do we make the changes in our lives that we crave so much to see? (more…)
Life
Failing is More Important Than Succeeding
Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures.

People often consider failure a stigma. Society often doesn’t respect the people who failed and avoids and criticizes their actions. Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures. Not to have endeavored is worse than failing in life as at some stage of your life you regret not having tried in your life. (more…)
Life
5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.
Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.
Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.
Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.
However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.
Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:
1. Unconscious Sabotage
Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.
This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.
Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.
This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.
3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma
4. A strong need for control
5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained
What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?
There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:
- Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
- Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
- Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
- Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
- Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.
It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.
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