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Getting Your First Grey Hair – What It Means.



Recently I got my first grey hair. It’s on the side of my head and it’s very obvious. I’ve never had a grey hair before. I sat down and tried to think how my first grey hair made me feel. If the truth be told, it made me feel a bit fearful. Does this mean I’m getting old? What does old age mean?

These are the questions my first grey hair raised amongst many others. And guess what, if it’s not grey hair, then it will be baldness or wrinkles, or the triple McChicken Combo of all three.

Here’s what it all means:

You always think you’ll never get a grey hair.

When I was 21, I never thought I’d get grey hair. You know how it is. In your younger years, you think you’ll live forever. The concept of death seems so far away, and very unlikely. That’s why I smoked cigarettes and drank a lot when I was young and you probably did too.

The day you get your first grey hair, you realize you have been lying to yourself. It sort of reminds me of what it was like to take a sip of soy milk a few months ago that was full of mold. It should have been delicious until that disgusting taste hit the back of my throat.

Lying to yourself is the same. Figuring out that you misled yourself for short-term gain is not pleasant. In the end though, as Tim Ferriss says, you have to forgive yourself.

We all do dumb stuff before we get grey hair and even lie to ourselves. Your first grey hair is the realization that lying to yourself must stop. We’re all getting grey hair and we all will die at some point. That can be an awesome reality as you’ll see if you read on.

The “young indicator” keeps moving.

At eighteen, I thought I was old. At twenty-one, I thought I was older. At thirty, I thought I was an old man. The word “young” keeps changing its meaning as we age. My mentor is forty and he still thinks that’s young. My parents have friends that are in their fifties which they still call young.

The first grey hair brings to light the fact that young is just a label that we give meaning too.

“We can be forever young if that’s how we chose to live”

Grey hair doesn’t define you.

Why? Because you can get it at any age. In fact, you can even be born with it in some rare circumstances. The term “Silver Back” is cool ladies and gentlemen. The real point to address is that the color of your hair doesn’t define you.

Just like the color of your skin, the place you were born, your sexuality or the color of your phone cover doesn’t define you. Your grey hair can mean the best change in your life if you let it.

You’re no less of a man or woman.

Having grey hair doesn’t take away any of what you’ve created.

“You can change the world, be happy, be grateful and be successful with or without grey hair”

Grey hair doesn’t rob you of your freedom or take away your dignity.

Grey hair should remind you of time.

Whether we know it or not, grey hair reminds us of time. We associate grey hair with age even if it has nothing to do with it. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. Being reminded about time and how short life is can help take you out of your routine.

That routine that makes you grind out each day the same way, while simultaneously forgetting who you are, who you want to become and the vision for your life.

Time is limited. Grey hair does not contain the same limitation.

With grey hair comes wisdom.

I only became the so-called Yoda of blogging (not my label) in the last year. The same year I got my first grey hair. Coincidence? I don’t think so.

Usually, by the time you get a grey hair or two, you’ve lived a bit of life. You’ve seen things. For example, I’ve seen loved ones die, people get stabbed, people lose their lives to drugs, people go to work and hate their jobs and so much more.

These experiences that you rack up by the time you get your first grey hair give you wisdom. That wisdom is designed to be shared so you can help others avoid these same pitfalls.

Grey hair should be a reminder of how wise you’ve become and what you want to do with the rest of your life while you continue to get grey.

Cheers to the second grey hair and the next one after that.

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Failing is More Important Than Succeeding

Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures.



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People often consider failure a stigma.  Society often doesn’t respect the people who failed and avoids and criticizes their actions. Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures. Not to have endeavored is worse than failing in life as at some stage of your life you regret not having tried in your life.  (more…)

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5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma



Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.


Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:


1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.


2. Persistent Pain

Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.

4. A strong need for control

It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
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3 Simple Steps to Cultivate Courage and Create a Life of Meaning

we cultivate meaning in our lives when we pursue our calling



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Our deepest human desire is to cultivate meaning in our lives. Our deepest human need is to survive. (more…)

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Grit: The Key to Your Ultimate Greatness

Grit is an overlooked aspect of success, but it plays a critical role.



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A grit mindset is an essential key to your greatness. It’s what separates those who achieve their goals from those who give up and never reach their potential. It’s also the difference between success and failure, happiness and misery. If you want to be great and achieve your dreams, then you need grit. Luckily, it’s something that can be learned. Please keep reading to learn more about grit and discover four ways to develop it. (more…)

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