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5 Simple Steps Which Will Enhance Your Confidence and Multiply Your Results

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confidence

Darwin once said that “It is not the strongest or the smartest that survive, but those most adaptive to change.” With all due respect, I disagree. I believe that it is not the strongest, the smartest, or even the most adaptive people that succeed but it is the people who are the most confident.

In life, business, and entrepreneurship, the person who is most certain of their abilities and their potential is usually the person who succeeds. Nonetheless, there is a problem. Most of us were never taught how to be confident.

We learned all about the Pythagorean theorem, the Magna Carta, and Newton’s Laws of physics, but we were never taught how to increase our confidence in any area of our lives or how to cultivate the confidence required to pursue our wildest dreams.  

Luckily, there is a formula for increasing your confidence, and it’s much simpler than you might imagine. I’ve been helping men increase their confidence and chase their goals for the past five years and, after a significant amount of trial and error, I have finally unlocked a simple formula that works.

Here is the 5 step formula that will help you 10X the balance of your confidence account:

1. Accept that Confidence is a Skill and You Can Acquire It

Most people assume that confidence is a character trait or inborn element of someone’s personality, but this simply isn’t the case. Don’t believe me? I want you to think about the first time you ever drove a car. You were scared out of your mind, right?

You probably felt a rush when you first pressed your foot against the acceleration pedal. You likely had butterflies in your stomach the first time you merged onto a freeway. I can all but guarantee that you weren’t texting, drinking coffee, or eating fast food the first time you sat behind the wheel.

What about today? Do you still get butterflies in your stomach when you strap on your seatbelt and drive to work? Do you still feel apprehensive when you switch lanes on the highway or freak out when you have to park in a tight space?

No! Because you have developed the skill of driving; you have become confident in that particular skill. The same thing is true in every other area of your life.

Confidence, at its most basic level is simply an internal feeling of certainty that you have the knowledge, resources, and skills required to succeed at any given endeavor. Nothing more, nothing less. Therefore, the first step to increasing your confidence is to realize and accept that confidence is a learnable skill!

“With realization of one’s own potential and self-confidence in one’s ability, one can build a better world.” – Dalai Lama

2. List Out the Current Balance of Your Confidence Account

Once you have accepted that confidence is an acquirable skill, you now need to acknowledge that you have already developed this skill in certain areas of your life.

I want you to pull out a pen and notepad and write down 10-15 skills or tasks in which you have tremendous confidence, big or small. Are you confident in your ability to have a great workout? Are you confident at your ability to paint, play the guitar, or write beautiful poems?

Are you confident about your ability to cook eggs without burning them, drive down the street without crashing, or successfully brush your teeth every morning? It doesn’t matter how big or small the item is, write it down!

The point of this exercise is to help you acknowledge that you are already confident! Once you have acknowledged you already have areas of your life where you are confident, it’s time to move to step #3.

3. Reverse Engineer

Now that you’ve acknowledged that you are confident, it’s time to figure out how you became that way. I want you to pull out a separate sheet of paper and create a list of all the ways that you developed your confidence in that particular arena.

For example, if you wrote: “I am confident in my ability as a Marketing consultant.” I want you to write out how you became a confident consultant (because I promise you were not truly confident when you started). Did you land one particular client that made you realize you could succeed? Was there a particular campaign that boosted your confidence and self belief? Did someone say something to you that made you believe you were a great consultant?

Figure out the steps you (unconsciously) took to become confident so that you can uncover your personal confidence blueprint and apply it to other areas of your life.

4. Realize Certain Actions Decrease Your Confidence

It seems like everyone in the world is encouraging you to pursue your dreams, set more goals, and stretch yourself with new projects. I’m not one of those people.

If you truly want to increase the balance of your confidence account, then you must realize that just like you can make deposits into your account by successfully completing tasks and improving yourself, you also make withdraws whenever you bite off more than you can chew, fail at a given task, or leave an important goal unfinished.

While you should never fear failure, if you are consistently setting overly ambitious goals, creating unrealistic expectations, or pursuing tasks that you know aren’t congruent with your deepest purpose, then you are subconsciously training yourself to believe that you cannot achieve success thus draining the balance of your confidence account. .

While I am a firm believer in setting big goals and shooting for the stars, I am also a firm believer in setting yourself up to win. Approach new goals and projects with a healthy dose of caution. Always ask yourself, “Is this the best use of my time” and “Do I have the resources required to truly pursue this project.”

5. Act “As If”

One of the most powerful tactics I have found for increasing my own confidence account was acting as if I had already developed the confidence I desired. When you “trick” yourself into believing you are already confident, successful, and where you want to be, your actions start to become more congruent with those goals and dreams.

“Fake it ’til you become it.” – Amy Cuddy

When you act as if you are already confident, you will naturally become more confident. While you might be hesitant about “faking it until you make it”, I promise you that this tactic is cliche for a reason…it works. Each morning when you wake up, I want you to look at yourself in the mirror and ask one simple question, “How would I act if I already had the confidence, skills, and mindsets required to achieve my biggest goals?” Then go act that way and the results will follow.

How do you increase your confidence when you need it most? Let us know in the comments below!

Image courtesy of Twenty20.com

Andrew Ferebee is the founder and CEO of Knowledge for Men, a 3X Amazon Best Selling author, and a high-performance men’s coach and business consultant. You can find out more about Andrew and his mission at knowledgeformen.com

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2 Comments

2 Comments

  1. Bishop

    Feb 2, 2018 at 2:17 am

    I also believe that hard work is another way of building confidence.. If you work very hard on perfecting your skill, you will find out that you will become better and better in that skill. This realization will make you have confidence in yourself and abilities, and in the fact that you are going to succeed.

  2. Tjay

    Jan 31, 2018 at 4:06 pm

    Great and informative read as usual!

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Don’t Want To Feel Like A Failure Anymore? Stop Doing These 6 Things

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It’s pretty annoying isn’t it? All those great and accomplished people telling you that FAILURE is a necessity on your way to success. Yeah, that’s easy for them to say; they’re already ‘on the other side’! You on the other hand, are still struggling all day everyday to get your business lifted off the ground and are really not that sure if you’re indeed going to make it.

There’s that little voice in your head that keeps telling you that you don’t have the stuff to make it all happen. Not now and not ever. You feel like a failure…it’s holding you back and you don’t know how to deal with it. Well you could do yourself a favor and start dealing with it by doing the following things:

1. Stop Denying You Feel Like A Failure

Telling yourself things are going great when they’re not is one of the biggest, though most useless, coping mechanisms human beings deploy in rough times. Common denial signals among entrepreneurs: trying to regain more control by working even more hours and on the other side compensating this by letting go of all this control by partying and drinking way too hard.

What you’re doing is denying yourself the opportunity to actually feel what’s going on and acknowledge the problem; that both you and your business are in a bad place. Without acknowledging it, it’ll be pretty difficult to actually STOP feeling it. And remember, just because you feel like a failure, this does not mean that you indeed ARE a failure!

2. Stop Making It Bigger Than it Really Is

This is one of those other ‘fun’ things human beings do; we blow things way out of proportion in our heads! In business, when you lose that big client you’ve been working on for weeks, it feels like it’s the end of the world. You start doubting yourself, your strategy, your entire business model right up to the point where you barely sleep because you’re working on pivoting the whole thing.

But what if that customer simply didn’t have the money to go for your service anyway? Or what if they just decided to go for someone who is cheaper but who offers less quality? Does that mean there’s something wrong with YOU? Or that this was the ONLY customer out there and that you’re now doomed forever?

Of course not, it simply means that THIS CUSTOMER wasn’t a match. It’s a bit like dating actually…So if you take this into consideration, could it be that you just feel like a failure instead of really not succeeding in that what you want to at this point in time?

3. Stop Thinking You’re The Only One Who Feels Like This

You’re not! With the possible exception of the true sociopaths, that feeling you’re feeling is very normal to EVERYONE. It might not seem like it on the outside – because people don’t like to acknowledge this remember – but I can guarantee you that it’s true. But unlike 99% of the world’s population, YOU’RE not going to let this feeling stop you in your tracks. Are you?

4. Stop Thinking You’re Supposed To Be Superhuman

In fact, it’s very likely that you’re already doing, learning and succeeding at WAY more than most other people are. But for entrepreneurs, somehow, that never seems to be enough. You don’t just want to be successful after a few years of hard work (which is normal). You want to be successful after only a few months. Because you’re special…or at least you think you are…

Well, here’s the truth: you ARE special! But…it’s just not very likely that you’re one of those – very very rare – entrepreneurial superstars that – seemingly – just added some hot water and got instant business success as a result.

5. Stop Being So Incredibly Stubborn

Entrepreneurs are stubborn…almost by default. It’s what makes them push forward in the hardest of times. But…if you’re not doing the right things right you might just be hammering a square peg through a round hole. Which will only add to that frustrated feeling you’re already having. So why not stop being so stubborn for a moment, stop hammering away on that what obviously is not working and ask for help?

No matter who you ask – a business mentor or coach, a befriended entrepreneur – someone with a neutral perspective on you and our business will be very likely to see what’s going on with a lot more clarity than you can and can guide you to a place that will feel a whole lot more comfortable.

6. Stop Being Afraid Of Failure

I know, I know, you’ve heard this a million times before and you wouldn’t be in this pickle if you could do this. Right? I’m right there with ya!

But, if you get really rational about it, what’s the worst that could happen?

  • You might have to get a ‘real’ job for a while and start over on the side;
  • You might not be able to afford your rent anymore…but with Airbnb on the 1 hand and couchsurfing on the other, you should be able to work it out somehow;
  • You’ll have all the more experience to start over a whole lot faster;
  • You’ll be no less respected by anyone because it’s clear you gave it your all;
  • In a few years, when you’re an established and supersuccessful entrepreneur you’ll also have a cool failure story to tell;
  • None of your limbs will fall off;

Now that’s not too bad for a plan B is it? Failure is such a negative word. And the associated feeling is terrible and numbing. But really…how is giving it your all and not succeeding really the same as failing? Shouldn’t the definition of failure not be along the lines of ‘not even trying’ or ‘giving up when it gets hard’?

In other words: stop beating yourself up over this!

There’s really no need to feel like a failure at all because you’re sticking your neck out, you’re trying to make a difference and you’re still moving upward on that treacherous entrepreneurial mountain.

And that…is what success REALLY is.

Those Who Failed Their Way To Success

Quotes To Live By:

“Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.” – Robert F. Kennedy

“If you don’t try at anything, you can’t fail… it takes back bone to lead the life you want” – Richard Yates

“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” – Thomas A. Edison

“We are all failures – at least the best of us are.” – J.M. Barrie

“Success is stumbling form failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm” – Winston Churchill

“Don’t let success go to your head and failure to your heart” – Will Smith

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