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5 Simple Steps Which Will Enhance Your Confidence and Multiply Your Results

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confidence

Darwin once said that “It is not the strongest or the smartest that survive, but those most adaptive to change.” With all due respect, I disagree. I believe that it is not the strongest, the smartest, or even the most adaptive people that succeed but it is the people who are the most confident.

In life, business, and entrepreneurship, the person who is most certain of their abilities and their potential is usually the person who succeeds. Nonetheless, there is a problem. Most of us were never taught how to be confident.

We learned all about the Pythagorean theorem, the Magna Carta, and Newton’s Laws of physics, but we were never taught how to increase our confidence in any area of our lives or how to cultivate the confidence required to pursue our wildest dreams.  

Luckily, there is a formula for increasing your confidence, and it’s much simpler than you might imagine. I’ve been helping men increase their confidence and chase their goals for the past five years and, after a significant amount of trial and error, I have finally unlocked a simple formula that works.

Here is the 5 step formula that will help you 10X the balance of your confidence account:

1. Accept that Confidence is a Skill and You Can Acquire It

Most people assume that confidence is a character trait or inborn element of someone’s personality, but this simply isn’t the case. Don’t believe me? I want you to think about the first time you ever drove a car. You were scared out of your mind, right?

You probably felt a rush when you first pressed your foot against the acceleration pedal. You likely had butterflies in your stomach the first time you merged onto a freeway. I can all but guarantee that you weren’t texting, drinking coffee, or eating fast food the first time you sat behind the wheel.

What about today? Do you still get butterflies in your stomach when you strap on your seatbelt and drive to work? Do you still feel apprehensive when you switch lanes on the highway or freak out when you have to park in a tight space?

No! Because you have developed the skill of driving; you have become confident in that particular skill. The same thing is true in every other area of your life.

Confidence, at its most basic level is simply an internal feeling of certainty that you have the knowledge, resources, and skills required to succeed at any given endeavor. Nothing more, nothing less. Therefore, the first step to increasing your confidence is to realize and accept that confidence is a learnable skill!

“With realization of one’s own potential and self-confidence in one’s ability, one can build a better world.” – Dalai Lama

2. List Out the Current Balance of Your Confidence Account

Once you have accepted that confidence is an acquirable skill, you now need to acknowledge that you have already developed this skill in certain areas of your life.

I want you to pull out a pen and notepad and write down 10-15 skills or tasks in which you have tremendous confidence, big or small. Are you confident in your ability to have a great workout? Are you confident at your ability to paint, play the guitar, or write beautiful poems?

Are you confident about your ability to cook eggs without burning them, drive down the street without crashing, or successfully brush your teeth every morning? It doesn’t matter how big or small the item is, write it down!

The point of this exercise is to help you acknowledge that you are already confident! Once you have acknowledged you already have areas of your life where you are confident, it’s time to move to step #3.

3. Reverse Engineer

Now that you’ve acknowledged that you are confident, it’s time to figure out how you became that way. I want you to pull out a separate sheet of paper and create a list of all the ways that you developed your confidence in that particular arena.

For example, if you wrote: “I am confident in my ability as a Marketing consultant.” I want you to write out how you became a confident consultant (because I promise you were not truly confident when you started). Did you land one particular client that made you realize you could succeed? Was there a particular campaign that boosted your confidence and self belief? Did someone say something to you that made you believe you were a great consultant?

Figure out the steps you (unconsciously) took to become confident so that you can uncover your personal confidence blueprint and apply it to other areas of your life.

4. Realize Certain Actions Decrease Your Confidence

It seems like everyone in the world is encouraging you to pursue your dreams, set more goals, and stretch yourself with new projects. I’m not one of those people.

If you truly want to increase the balance of your confidence account, then you must realize that just like you can make deposits into your account by successfully completing tasks and improving yourself, you also make withdraws whenever you bite off more than you can chew, fail at a given task, or leave an important goal unfinished.

While you should never fear failure, if you are consistently setting overly ambitious goals, creating unrealistic expectations, or pursuing tasks that you know aren’t congruent with your deepest purpose, then you are subconsciously training yourself to believe that you cannot achieve success thus draining the balance of your confidence account. .

While I am a firm believer in setting big goals and shooting for the stars, I am also a firm believer in setting yourself up to win. Approach new goals and projects with a healthy dose of caution. Always ask yourself, “Is this the best use of my time” and “Do I have the resources required to truly pursue this project.”

5. Act “As If”

One of the most powerful tactics I have found for increasing my own confidence account was acting as if I had already developed the confidence I desired. When you “trick” yourself into believing you are already confident, successful, and where you want to be, your actions start to become more congruent with those goals and dreams.

“Fake it ’til you become it.” – Amy Cuddy

When you act as if you are already confident, you will naturally become more confident. While you might be hesitant about “faking it until you make it”, I promise you that this tactic is cliche for a reason…it works. Each morning when you wake up, I want you to look at yourself in the mirror and ask one simple question, “How would I act if I already had the confidence, skills, and mindsets required to achieve my biggest goals?” Then go act that way and the results will follow.

How do you increase your confidence when you need it most? Let us know in the comments below!

Image courtesy of Twenty20.com

Andrew Ferebee is the founder and CEO of Knowledge for Men, a 3X Amazon Best Selling author, and a high-performance men’s coach and business consultant. You can find out more about Andrew and his mission at knowledgeformen.com

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Life

Failing is More Important Than Succeeding

Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures.

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People often consider failure a stigma.  Society often doesn’t respect the people who failed and avoids and criticizes their actions. Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures. Not to have endeavored is worse than failing in life as at some stage of your life you regret not having tried in your life.  (more…)

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Life

5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

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Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.

 

Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:

 

1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.

 

2. Persistent Pain

 
Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
 
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.
 
 

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

 
Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
 
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
 
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
 
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.
 

4. A strong need for control

 
It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
 
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
 
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.
 
 

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

 
Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
 
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.
 
 

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

 
Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
 
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.
 

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

 
 
If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to awebliss.com and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
 
 
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Life

3 Simple Steps to Cultivate Courage and Create a Life of Meaning

we cultivate meaning in our lives when we pursue our calling

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Our deepest human desire is to cultivate meaning in our lives. Our deepest human need is to survive. (more…)

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Life

Grit: The Key to Your Ultimate Greatness

Grit is an overlooked aspect of success, but it plays a critical role.

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A grit mindset is an essential key to your greatness. It’s what separates those who achieve their goals from those who give up and never reach their potential. It’s also the difference between success and failure, happiness and misery. If you want to be great and achieve your dreams, then you need grit. Luckily, it’s something that can be learned. Please keep reading to learn more about grit and discover four ways to develop it. (more…)

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