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After Tragedy: 4 Thoughts To Consider



Last week was a tragic day for people that live in Melbourne, Australia. Lives were lost, and families were torn apart. We were reminded of just how close we can all come to death. Negativity struck again amongst a week filled with so much joy.

Everyone in Melbourne, including me, felt their heart sink as we rang our loved ones to make sure they were okay; as we desperately wanted to hear their voices.

As I texted my friends while gunshots happened close by, I was reminded of the terror that we can all face in nothing more than a split second. I said goodbye to an important client and had no idea that they were walking onto the street where terror was underway.

I thought to myself, as the event unfolded, “What if that’s the last time I see them? What if I had only spoken to them a bit longer rather than being in such a hurry to get to my next meeting?” Thankfully they were okay, but you never know.

My own mortality started to come into question. I too, like my client, was just about to step onto the street where people were being struck, and lives were being lost. If it weren’t for a colleague who stopped me in the corridor to chat, I would have been crossing the street at the exact moment that this devastating event unfolded.

Standing in the lobby, I saw many of my work colleagues run past me crying. They looked like they had just seen the most horrific event of their life – and they had. Amongst the madness of yesterday there are lessons to be learned

After tragedy, here are 4 thoughts to consider:


Thought #1 – We’re guaranteed only of this moment

An event like the one I’ve just described can happen at any time. None of us are guaranteed another breath. Tragedy is not designed to scare us; it’s designed to remind us of how important it is to be present.

We’re only on this planet for a blink of an eye in the grand scheme of things, and we forget that so easily.


Thought # 2 – Perspective is crucial

Instead of rushing out the door and being in a hurry to get to work, be grateful and tell your family how much you love them. Don’t forget how lucky you are even to have loved ones to care for.

A sense of perspective in your life is crucial. The person that cut you off in traffic or the one who went two minutes over in a meeting room you had booked, doesn’t really matter. Reacting to everything that comes into your line of vision will destroy your energy levels and force you to lose perspective.

Refocus your newfound energy from non-reactivity into energy that can be used to enhance the time with the people you really care about. Tragic events can remind us of what we should focus on, but it’s not enough and can be easily forgotten when the sadness subsides.


Thought # 3 – Don’t let this negative world win

What happened yesterday is a one-off incident. Every other day there are people getting married, babies being born, people realizsing their passion, and new lovers sharing a first kiss. This negative world and these one-off horrors can get you down if you let it.

We can decide to live in fear because of a few isolated, negative events, or we can rise up. We can become what we’ve always dreamt of and use these tragic events as fuel to our fire. We can stop procrastinating on what we should be doing and get on with our life’s purpose.

There’s so much good in the world. It’s just that the light doesn’t get shown on all of this positivity because it’s in overwhelming abundance. Negative events like the one above are actually very rare.

Anything that is rare is more likely to gain attention. Attention equals influence, and influence equals a powerful tool that can be used for the wrong reasons. I’ve always believed that attention and influence should be used for good and to help everyone around you rise up.


Thought # 4 – Compassion

When you think you got it bad, you don’t. Sitting here writing this blog post makes me realise that while I sip my overpriced tea and prepare for an entertaining evening, there are families right now dealing with the loss of a loved one.

These families are asking themselves the question, “Why now? Why did it have to happen this way? If only I did ‘X’ differently this may not have happened.”

In times of tragedy, we can practice the art of giving and go and help in some small way. Maybe it’s showing your support for the lives that have been affected. Maybe it’s buying some food for the emergency services people who worked through the night. Maybe it’s something as simple as showing a sign of respect and attending the various funerals.

When you show empathy for others, you reinforce a sense of abundance in your own mind. Your success is not about you; it’s about other people. Remember that.

For once, it’s time we stick together as a united community rather than judge. Forget about where we all come from, what color our skin is, who may have been criminally responsible, or anything else we could be doing right now. WE MUST UNITE WHEN TRAGEDY STRIKES!


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The Imbalanced Problem with Work/Life Balance

Balancing is for your checkbook, gymnastics, and nutrition; not for your people’s work/life ratio.



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Balance…it requires an equal distribution of value between two or more subjects to maintain steady composure and equitable proportionality. (more…)

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How to Find the Courage to Start New

Change is scary, but it’s a normal part of life.



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It’s 2023, a new year, new you, right? But how do we start over? How do we make the changes in our lives that we crave so much to see?  (more…)

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Failing is More Important Than Succeeding

Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures.



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People often consider failure a stigma.  Society often doesn’t respect the people who failed and avoids and criticizes their actions. Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures. Not to have endeavored is worse than failing in life as at some stage of your life you regret not having tried in your life.  (more…)

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5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma



Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.


Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:


1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.


2. Persistent Pain

Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.

4. A strong need for control

It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
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