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8 Ways to Accomplish Your Goals When Life Crushes You

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accomplishing goals

Have you ever set a goal for yourself and got super excited to get working on it? The first few weeks are great! You’re moving forward. Then life starts throwing tons of challenges and obstacles at you. Before you know it your goals have taken a back seat. Sound familiar? Do you tend to beat yourself up? Get discouraged? Feel like giving up?

I know I have. On many occasions. A big one for me has been every New Year’s, along with millions of others, I promised myself I would start eating healthy and exercising daily. I always start off with so much gusto. Then life happens. I miss a day of exercise, with the intention of a double workout the next day. Next day is super stressful. I’m crazy busy and rushed to get things done. My drive-thru meal is justified. Next thing I know, a week has gone by and I’m back into the same old routine – not exercising and not eating healthy.

We are not alone. Many face the same struggle. I began to wonder why so many of us never hit the goals we set for ourselves. Why do some push through the setbacks and others are frozen with overwhelm?  I started to observe myself, my friends, and even my coworkers. As educators, we are very versed in writing student goals and lesson plans. We know how to ensure each student can meet his or her goal. Yet, some of us still struggle with our personal goals, especially when life gets hectic.

Here are the 8 ways to accomplish these goals:

1. Make Yourself A Priority

You most likely put others before yourself. It is a wonderful thing to want to help others, but if you are putting others before your own priorities and goals, you will quickly become overwhelmed. This is actually difficult for those of us that care for others. We feel such guilt if we do anything for ourselves. This is a habit we have to get rid of. If we don’t care of ourselves first we can’t be our best to help others. Take yourself seriously. You are important too. Be kind to yourself. Make this a positive healthy habit.

2. Make Clear, Specific Goals with Action Steps

The more specific you can be with your goal the better. Create action steps, no matter how small you think they are, use them. It becomes a way for you to measure your progress. Don’t discount the small steps. When life gets in the way it’s so much easier to move on or pick right back up when you have these small action steps to guide you.

“Setting goals is the first step in turning the invisible into the visible.” – Tony Robbins

3. Set Up Systems

Systems are the tools used to accomplish the goal. Use systems that work with you and your lifestyle that will help you complete each of your action steps. Examples: calendar, a notebook, or an app. Maybe a virtual assistant, or other service providers. The system you choose needs to work for you. Having a good system in place can keep your progress moving forward, or at least hold it in place when life happens and pulls you in a million directions.

4. Commit to the Process

Remind yourself “this is a process”. You’re changing your own behavior no matter what the goal is. When you take action towards your goal, you’re creating a new habit. You’re building self-confidence. Becoming self-assured. When life gets tough and we begin to lose sight of our goal through procrastination we are conditioning ourselves for failure. This is why those tiny action steps are essential. They facilitate momentum and consistency.

5. Monitor Progress

Ensure you have a way to monitor your progress. Establish this when creating your action steps or setting up your systems. Feedback tells you if your action steps are moving you toward your goals. If they are not, quickly modify or eliminate what is hindering the progress. Remember to not take the feedback or a set-back personally. It is just a part of the process. Keep moving forward.

6. Avoid Multitasking

Give your brain a break and focus on one thing at a time. When working on your goals we need to focus on that. Nothing else. That doesn’t mean that you ignore your significant other or neglect your children. It does mean, that when you are with your family, be with your family. Focus on them. Enjoy your time with them. Allocate a specific period of time that you will work on your goals. Remove distractions, such as a phone, and commit to that time period to focus on the next action step. Success is all about being consistent.

7. Create Your Own Hope

This is your internal self-talk. Make it positive and daily. You do not need permission to take action towards your goals and don’t wait for someone to give you this permission. If you need to, seek positive influencers and listen to their stories. Learn to say “No.” You don’t have to do everything for everyone. Comparing yourself to others? This is your journey, not theirs. Emotions determining your actions? Emotions come and go. If you’re feeling emotional, feel it. Embrace it. Then let it go. Refocus on your goal.

“Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness.” – Desmond Tutu

8. Gratitude

This is important. Having a mindset to be grateful for the things, people, and opportunities in your life. If we don’t appreciate what we have now, how would we be able to appreciate anything once we accomplished our goals? Each of us have our own life experiences and life struggles. Those experiences and struggles shape us into who we are. They are lessons that can either make you or break you. The choice is up to you and determines if you will be successful in achieving you goals.

Which one of these do you need to improve on? Please leave your thoughts below!

Jaime Leigh is the founder of Hope.Courage.Thrive, a company that empowers women overwhelmed by life changes and transitions through personal development coaching and mentoring. With over 20 years experience as a certified counselor, coach, and educator, Jaime Leigh provides her clients with an individualized program meeting her clients current needs. As part of her coaching program, she teaches self-awareness education and provides creative tools for self-discovery. You can connect with Jaime through Twitter.

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5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

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Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.

 

Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:

 

1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.

 

2. Persistent Pain

 
Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
 
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.
 
 

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

 
Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
 
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
 
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
 
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.
 

4. A strong need for control

 
It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
 
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
 
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.
 
 

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

 
Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
 
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.
 
 

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

 
Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
 
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.
 

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

 
 
If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to awebliss.com and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
 
 
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