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7 Tips On How To Win Back What Fear Stole From You



7 Tips On How To Win Back What Fear Stole From You

What have you allowed fear to take from you?  Was it your dream?  Was it your happiness?  Did you then just give up everything so easily to fear without even putting up a fight?

We all are guilty of giving in to fear at some point in our lives. We all feel fear, but unfortunately fear is like the boogie man that haunts us if we aren’t mature enough to understand that it is not that creepy.

Fear helps protect us.  You feel fear when you are not in a safe place.  It is that emotion telling you to get away quickly because something isn’t right.  Fear is our guide, but one that if not managed properly can become our greatest stumbling block to achieving our goals.

When you view your goals in terms of what you will lose instead of all that you have to gain if you face those fears, you are in a preventative mode.  You now want to play it safe.  You work hard to avoid making mistakes.  You fight to hold on to what little you think you have.  Your fear of failure exceeds your desire to succeed.

“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” Franklin D. Roosevelt

On the other hand, if you see yourself gaining more should you face your fears you are in a success driven mode.  You are more focused on getting ahead and willing to take the risk.  You see the risk as worth it.  You are no longer afraid of failing as your need for success exceeds your fear of failing.

I want you to get to the stage where you will be more focused on what you will gain instead of what you will lose.  Today is the day to confront your fears.  Today is the day you will become success focus.  No more will you allow fear to boss you around and rob you of what is rightfully yours.  You are in control of your life and not fear.  Stand up to fear and reclaim your life.

Here are 7 tips to fight back and win:


1. Quit thinking too much about what others think

Many of us spend so much time thinking about what others think of us that we allow the fear of what they think, prevent us from going after our dreams.  The scary thing is that most people do not even think about you and they do not care. Decide what needs to be done and do it.  The moment you refuse to care about what others think of you is the day you will start to succeed.


2. Quit procrastinating

We allow fear to keep us procrastinating.  We will get to it sometime but now is not the right time. There will never be a perfect time to do anything.  You must be willing to make the time. The most difficult thing to do is to get started.  Once you take the first step, you will develop momentum. Keep working even when you do not feel like doing so.


3. Do not allow fear to tell you that you aren’t good enough

Fear has a way of working in the vulnerable areas of our lives.  Fear knows your weaknesses.  It tries to break down your confidence; it feeds on your insecurities.  You are not the only one with issues.  Yes, you do not know everything nor do you have it all together but if you are prepared to work hard, you will get ahead.  You have enough in you to achieve any goal you set for yourself.


4. Quit telling yourself you are going to fail

How do you know you are going to fail if you haven’t even made an attempt?  If you haven’t made an attempt then indeed you have failed.  Do not allow the fear of failing to prevent you from going after your dreams.  Give it your best and never quit until you’ve achieved success.

“Do what you fear and fear disappears.” – David Joseph Schwartz

5. Do not allow fear to convince you that you do not have what it takes

Too many of us will never reach our full potential because we allow fear to secretly convince us that we do not have what it takes.  How sad is that, when whatever you do not know right now you can learn. There are so many resources available to you.  All you need right now is the determination and the willingness to do the work.  The more you practice your skills, the better you become.


6. Do not allow fear to tell you that it’s too late

It is never too late to achieve your dreams. If your dream is to go back to school, and you are 50 years old, then it is your time now.  Fear has a way of trying to convince you that the time has run out on you attaining your goals.  How can it be too late when the dream is yours, and you haven’t achieved it yet?


7. Do not let fear tell you that you can’t change

One of the major requirements for achieving one’s goal is the need for flexibility.  You must be willing to change.  Change is good, and anyone can change at any time.  You only have to desire the need to change.  If you need to get up earlier to study because your goal is to take classes you only need to program your schedule to be able to accommodate your study time.  People are constantly changing, and you are changing whether you want to or not so you might as well change to do what you want.

“To fight fear, act. To increase fear – wait, put off,  postpone.” – David Joseph Schwartz

Fear has a way of trying to be bigger than it is. Once you confront your fears, you will never allow it to scare you that much again.  Fear appears bigger and more powerful than it truly is.  You only have to decide to face those fears, and it loses it power and its hold on you.  It is normal to feel fear, but you should never allow it to stand in your way of reaching your goals.

Which one of these fears holds you back the most?

Rose Costas is a big believer in the power of facing your challenges head on and then boldly wear your scars to show others that they too can be triumphant.  She is an accountant by profession with a new found passion for blogging and a future author and best seller. You can received her amazing free Ebook  “34 Ways to Build Your Confidence Today”.



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5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma



Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.


Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:


1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.


2. Persistent Pain

Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.

4. A strong need for control

It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
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