Connect with us


7 Simple Reasons You Are Unhappy in Life



Image Credit: Unsplash

If you’d like to learn how to create positive energy every single day so you can live your best life, sign up for the free 90-Day Master Class hosted by the founder of, Joel Brown.

Even as a post-pandemic world is slowly, but surely becoming a reality, the global trend indicates a new pandemic bubbling beneath the surface. Don’t worry, the effects of this particular pandemic will not (measurably) kill hundreds of thousands. It will not instigate a lockdown nor will it devastate economies. But the consequences of the ‘unhappiness pandemic’, even though subtle, will leave a lasting impact on individuals and families.

In a recent survey by the NORC (National Opinion Research Centre) at the University of Chicago, just 14 % of American adults indicated they are very happy – ‘a 17 percent drop from 2018 and the lowest number since the survey began in 1972. 

These numbers are consistent with the World Happiness Report trend – a ranking of countries based on their life satisfaction in the Gallup poll – which has shown a steady and alarming increase in unhappiness in some countries.  The most likely explanation being that, increasing digitization has heightened certain attitudes that contribute to unhappiness.

The good news however is that your happiness remains within your control. Nothing can make you unhappy without your permission and no one else can determine the bounds of your happiness. Even today, in this very moment, you can take effective actions to lead the happy and fulfilled life you were always meant to have.   

To take action in the right direction, however, you must first know the reason(s) why you are unhappy. Here are 7 root causes of unhappiness:

1. You don’t do more of the things you love

Remember when you were young, care-free and the whole concept of time seemed absurd to you? If you wanted to enjoy a game, you did. If you wanted to dance, you danced. And you felt happy doing so. You didn’t have to worry about a client call, an angry boss, or a family of 7 to cater for. Now you are much older, and well, life has happened.

But despite the hectic, energy-zapping, and sometimes mundane nature of everyday adult life, creating time for your hobbies is still necessary.

This grown-up you may not have the luxury of getting paid to play and dance. But, you can still create time to play and dance; to have fun and revel in the joy of it all. This will insert a jolt of positive energy into your life!

2. You are competing with others

Contrary to the perceptions of many, life is not really a competition. It’s a marathon against yourself and a competition with the person you were yesterday. No one else is running on your track.

When we treat life like some race to the top, happiness will remain elusive. There will always be someone wiser, smarter, richer, and cuter. So what? Are you going to be unhappy because someone else is seemingly better? They may be better than you in one area, but that doesn’t hold true for every area. Your responsibility is to recognize, cherish, and nurture your unique gifts and strengths.

 “Competition is the thief of joy” –  Theodore Roosevelt

3. You don’t love yourself

Don’t be so busy neglecting your body and mind. A good diet and exercise routine will not only improve your overall health, it will also make you look and feel good!

Furthermore, take care of your mind. It’s your most important asset, with unlimited abilities and potential. Some of the world’s most valuable brands have yearly revenue more than the GDP of certain nations. But these brands were conjured up from the mind. They started as a mere figment of someone’s imagination.

Invest in your mind and marvel us with your brand. Read books, learn, and continually add value to your mind. Not only will this increase your perception and understanding, but you’ll feel happier and more confident.

4. You don’t spend time with happy people

Ever heard the maxim: ‘laughter is contagious’? Well, so is happiness. Your friendships and associations have been shown to affect your emotional state.

Studies show that individuals who spent time with happy people were more likely to be happier and have an improved sense of well-being.

So, spend time with positive, inspiring people and have a rub-off of their happiness. Don’t be with people who are all doom and gloom, as though the world’s problems are on their shoulders. 

5. You don’t express gratitude

Are you finding it difficult to express gratitude because your life isn’t going according to plan? Or you’ve gone through some terrible experience in the past that you’d rather be resentful and bitter. Well, don’t be. There is still a lot to be grateful for.

You have your family who, despite the occasional squabble, they love and value you. Your friends, some of whom will go through walls for you; and your job, which may not be perfect, but continues to get you up in the morning. Heck, you even have your enemies who, through their actions have taught you how to love in the face of hate along with making you stronger and wiser. And then, there’s you!

You’ve made it this far, alive and strong. And the fact you’re reading this means you haven’t given up on the potential for growth. Despite the challenges, the disappointments, the sadness, the countless faux pas, you’re better off than you were yesterday and have in fact made progress. Be grateful for the fact that you survived, because not everyone has.

6. You hold onto the past

Everyone has had some difficult and painful past experiences, but great achievers recognize that the past does not define them. They draw valuable insight from these experiences and use them as motivation for greater success.

By holding on to grudges, you incite negative feelings – regret, resentment, and bitterness – and plunge yourself more into the mire of unhappiness.  As a consequence, your productivity and work may be affected.

And, for what? An experience that, in the great scheme of things, doesn’t amount to a blip in your life’s journey? Let go! Continue to move on towards greater levels of happiness, productivity, and success.

“Holding on to the past means you can never be open to having a future.” – Laurann Dohner

7. You don’t want to get help

Are the reasons for your unhappiness outside your control? Perhaps you are struggling with habits or addictions? For your sake, and the countless others who’d profit from your happiness, productivity, and success, get help!

Your inner circle may be more valuable than you think, in this regard. Simply talking to a family member, a friend or a close relative could be all the help you need.

For long term and deep-rooted problems, seeing a professional will be necessary. By going out wholeheartedly for counseling, therapy, or even rehabilitation, you’d begin the necessary process of taking back control of your life, and happiness.

Remember, nobody gets a gold star for struggling.

Do any of these reasons resonate with you? If so, what are you going to do about it? Head over to the comment section and let’s talk!

Click to comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


The Imbalanced Problem with Work/Life Balance

Balancing is for your checkbook, gymnastics, and nutrition; not for your people’s work/life ratio.



Image Credit: Canva

Balance…it requires an equal distribution of value between two or more subjects to maintain steady composure and equitable proportionality. (more…)

Continue Reading


How to Find the Courage to Start New

Change is scary, but it’s a normal part of life.



Image Credit: Unsplash

It’s 2023, a new year, new you, right? But how do we start over? How do we make the changes in our lives that we crave so much to see?  (more…)

Continue Reading


Failing is More Important Than Succeeding

Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures.



Image Credit: Unsplash

People often consider failure a stigma.  Society often doesn’t respect the people who failed and avoids and criticizes their actions. Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures. Not to have endeavored is worse than failing in life as at some stage of your life you regret not having tried in your life.  (more…)

Continue Reading


5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma



Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.


Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:


1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.


2. Persistent Pain

Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.

4. A strong need for control

It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
Continue Reading