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5 Things You Should Do Differently in the New Year

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As we approach a New Year, most of us have goals and resolutions on our minds. I don’t have to give you the stats, but most resolutions won’t make it past the first few months of the year. This year can be one of the greatest of your life or the same as every other year.

Life is short; we know this in our minds.

However, too often we don’t live life this way. We have goals and big dreams that we put off for “later” and later usually never comes. You only get one life to live, which is why this New Year should be the start of a revolution in your life.

This should be the year you chase every dream that you have in your heart and do all the things you’ve always wanted to do.

Here are five things you should do differently to radically change your life.

 

1. Stop wasting time

Time is the only thing we’ll never get back, which is why it’s one of your most valuable resources. Life goes by in the blink of an eye and too often we spend a bulk of our time on things that we don’t want to do, or that aren’t beneficial to what we want from our life.

Stop wasting time on things that aren’t really important to you. Spend time working on your dreams. Spend time with those you love because we won’t have those people forever. Learn to live each moment fully present so you don’t miss the little moments. Those moments are what you’ll remember at the end of your life.

 

2. Live a healthy lifestyle

I’ve struggled with my weight for 12 years, but after a year of focusing on living a healthy lifestyle, I lost 170 pounds and changed the way I think about food. I feel so much better, I have more energy, and I can be there (physically) for my children.

Living a healthy lifestyle goes beyond dieting and exercising. It means making choices that are beneficial to your body and lifestyle. It’s too easy to cheat on a diet, but if a healthy lifestyle is a part of your life, making the right choices will be second nature. Your body can be a well-oiled machine if you treat it that way.

 

3. Get a better work situation

Gallup tells us that we now spend 47 hours of our week working. That time could be spent doing something you love or hate.

Too many of us are in jobs we hate, which affects every other area of our life. You can’t spend 47 hours being miserable and expect to turn that off once you leave work. It will add stress and anxiety that stays with you beyond the working hours.

We live in an amazing time where the Internet and technology have created opportunities to earn a living in ways that were never possible before. It may take some time, but you can find or create work you love. Use this New Year as the jumping off point into spending those 47 hours fulfilled in your work.

 

New Years quote
 

4. End toxic relationships

Love can be a funny thing. It can make you feel like you’re flying over the clouds or like you just got punched in the stomach. Here’s the thing to understand about love, it’s not a feeling, it’s a decision.

You choose to love and you can choose whether to stay in the relationships in your life. It can be a significant other or friends, but if the relationship is toxic without the possibility of improvement, it’s healthier for you to part ways. You have to determine if the relationship is salvageable, but trying to fix something that’s broken is a waste of time and affecting your state of mind.

 

5. Step outside of your comfort zone

You can live a comfortable life without stepping outside of your comfort zone and probably end up just fine. However, when you live life this way, you miss so many amazing opportunities.

Sometimes it’s smart to play it safe, but too often we don’t do all the things we want to do in life because it’s outside of our comfort zone. It can be leaving a job you hate or moving to a cool dream designation, but whatever it is, those dream are in your mind and heart for a reason. It’s time to stop putting off what you really want to do because before you know it, life will pass you by.

The stats about New Years resolutions don’t have to apply to you. You don’t even have to call them that. You don’t even have to hit those resolutions this year. Making big changes and chasing dreams might take you more time than even this year. But you can use this year to get started.

The point is, as much as possible, to live life without regrets. At the end of your life you’re not going to remember all the stuff you accumulated, you’ll remember your experiences. Choose your dreams over stuff. Choose the life you want over what’s comfortable.

Make this the year you say, “Screw it” by chasing your dreams and making them your reality.

“The new year stands before us, like a chapter in a book, waiting to be written. We can help write that story by setting goals.” – Melody Beattie

What changes will you make for the Year 2022?

 

Kimanzi Constable is an author of four books and a writer whose articles have been published in Forbes, Entrepreneur Magazine, Business Insider, SUCCESS Magazine, NBC, CBS, FOX, and 80 other publications and magazines. He is the co-founder of Results Global Impact Consulting and Senior Editor at The Good Men Project. Learn more and get a free guide at kconstable.com.

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Life

The Imbalanced Problem with Work/Life Balance

Balancing is for your checkbook, gymnastics, and nutrition; not for your people’s work/life ratio.

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How to Find the Courage to Start New

Change is scary, but it’s a normal part of life.

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It’s 2023, a new year, new you, right? But how do we start over? How do we make the changes in our lives that we crave so much to see?  (more…)

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Life

Failing is More Important Than Succeeding

Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures.

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People often consider failure a stigma.  Society often doesn’t respect the people who failed and avoids and criticizes their actions. Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures. Not to have endeavored is worse than failing in life as at some stage of your life you regret not having tried in your life.  (more…)

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5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

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Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.

 

Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:

 

1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.

 

2. Persistent Pain

 
Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
 
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.
 
 

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

 
Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
 
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
 
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
 
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.
 

4. A strong need for control

 
It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
 
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
 
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.
 
 

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

 
Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
 
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.
 
 

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

 
Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
 
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.
 

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

 
 
If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to awebliss.com and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
 
 
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