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5 Steps to Silence the Chaos Within Yourself and Achieve Self-Control

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Although the outside world might be calm and fetching, there will always be a certain desperation within your mind that prevents your world from being so. This constant fear for unexpected and uncomfortable situations always hides in the back of your head and prevents you from pursuing your true desires.

We do indeed possess chaos within ourselves. A chaos that obstructs our road to self revelation. Sadly, as our society constantly generates new norms to worry about, the insecurity among men increases rapidly.

The uncertainty of what’s expected from one forces men to neglect their dreams and settle with that which is just ok. It has become severely underrated to chase your dreams, and our own society is the one to blame for this.

However, if you manage to break this circle and gain control of your restless mind, you might break free from the boundaries of our society, and consequently enable yourself to chase your true desires in life.

Here are 4 things you need to do to gain self-control:

1. Know yourself

The most crucial requirement for gaining control of yourself is to know yourself. If you don’t know your weaknesses and strengths, you won’t be able to adapt yourself to the surroundings and situations you might run into.

Self-knowledge is the key to control your impulsive acting and emotional control. It’s therefore essential for you to be completely honest with yourself and evaluate the potential outcome of any situation by your own personal means.

For example; if you’re a guy that easily gets caught up in the insignificant details of your work, it might be beneficial for you to give yourself some working space. Avoid setting deadlines that are too early for you.

This way you won’t start stressing out, and will attain a more controlled and relaxed way of working. This will eventually improve the outcome of your work.

2. Look at the big picture

According to several studies, self-control is encouraged to a great extent when abstract or high-level thinking is prioritised. Being able to see the big picture of situations helps people attain control of their reactions, as it makes them see the insignificance of the problem they’re currently facing.

When such thinking is attained, one will focus on the greater things, and consequently neglect the fears that are currently controlling your mind.

Whether it’s the goal you might achieve, or the problems you previously have overcome, you will, through this type of thinking, gain motivation. Which further can be directly linked to self-control.

“Details create the big picture.” – Sanford I. Weill

3. Avoid decision fatigue

Just as your self-control has great infliction on the decisions you make, the quantity and quality of the available decisions inflicts your self-control to a great extent. If you manage to create a system where you constantly are fed new ways to deal with problems and tasks, you will avoid running out of options, thus resulting in a constant upper hand of any situation.

You will indeed achieve self-control like nobody else.The best way to do this is to never neglect any option. You should always consider every possibility before making a move, and start to plan out the best solutions even before the situation occurs.

In addition to this, you should never hesitate when making decisions. Impulsive acting will only lower your chances of steering things in your direction. This is a common mistake among men.

My best advice to you is to be open minded and calm to avoid decision fatigue and consequently increase your level of self-control.

4. Avoid temptation

Temptation is the number one reason for impulsive acting and lowered self control. It’s not something you’re able to control, and the reason for this lies in the profound of your creation – your genetics. You are actually designed to chase your desires, and are programmed to follow through, regardless of the outcome. Therefore avoiding temptations might be the most effective step in your searching for self-control.

However, avoiding temptations requires determination, neglection of intrusive, as well as a sense of long term thinking. You must avoid being exposed to temptation, and if this fails, you must have the determination to neglect that which is tempting you. If you’re able to do this, you will possess a great advantage on your way towards self-control.

“The biggest human temptation is to settle for too little.” – Thomas Merton

5. Set only perfect goals

Although this might seem over exaggerated, I can’t state how important the quality of your goals are. The process of your work is determined by this, which means that if your goal isn’t perfect, your work towards it won’t be perfect either.

Of course, it sounds hard to set a perfect goal. However, in reality it’s not. All you need to do is to check out my article on how to set your goals. It will tell you how to set your goals accordingly with your intentions and possibilities, and how to properly follow them up.

When you know your goals in life and the traits they provide you, nothing can take your mind off it. When you reach this state of mind you will fulfil all the requirements to attain self-control. For then, you will be your only focus.

Which one of these are you going to focus more on today? Leave your thoughts below!

Image courtesy of Twenty20.com

Ryan Steele is a blogger on the field of masculinity. With his companion, Stig Eriksen, he runs the consulting website Enhance-Masculinity.com. The website seeks to improve the masculine image of its readers through thoughtful articles about lifting, success, identity and women. Check out his article “Quotes for men”.

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Life

How Learning the Skill of Hope Can Change Everything

Hope isn’t wishful thinking. It’s a state of being and a skill that has profound evidence of helping people achieve success in life

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Hope as a skill
Image Credit: Midjourney

Hope isn’t wishful thinking. It’s a state of being and a skill that has profound evidence of helping people achieve success in life.

Wishful thinking, on the other hand, is like having dreams in the sky without a ladder to climb, having a destination without a map, or trying to operate a jet-engine airplane without instructions. It sounds nice but is impossible to realize. You don’t have what you need to make it happen!

What Real Hope Is

Real hope is actionable, practical, and realistic. Better yet, it’s feasible and can be learned.

One popular approach is Hope Theory. This concept is used by colleges to study how hope impacts students’ academic performance. Researchers found that students with high levels of hope achieve better grades and are more likely to graduate compared to those with less hope.

Hope can be broken down into two components:

  1. Pathways – The “how to” of hope. This is where people think of and establish plans for achieving their goals.
  2. Agency – The “I can” of hope. This is the belief that the person can accomplish their goals.

Does Hope Really Work?

According to Webster’s Dictionary, hope as a noun is defined as: “desire accompanied by expectation of or belief in fulfillment.”

As humans, we are wired to crave fulfillment. We have the ability to envision it and, through hope, make it a reality.

My Experience with Hope

For 13 years, I was a hopeless human. During my time working at a luxury hotel as a front desk agent earning $11.42 per hour, I felt the sting of hopelessness the most.

The regret of feeling my time was being stolen from me lingered every time I clocked in. Eventually, I decided to do something about it.

I gave myself permission to hope for something better. I began establishing pathways to success and regained agency by learning from self-help books and seeking mentorship.

Because I took action toward something I desired, I now feel more hope and joy than I ever felt hopelessness. Hope changed me.

Hope Actually Improves Your Life

Wishful thinking doesn’t work, and false hope is equally ineffective. Real hope, however, is directly tied to success in all areas of life.

Studies show that hopeful people tend to:

  • Demonstrate better problem-solving skills
  • Cultivate healthier relationships
  • Maintain stronger motivation to achieve goals
  • Exhibit better work ethic
  • Have a positive outlook on life

These benefits can impact work life, family life, habit-building, mental health, physical health, and spiritual practice. Imagine how much better your life could be by applying real hope to all these areas.

How to Develop the Skill to Hope

As acclaimed French writer Jean Giono wrote in The Man Who Planted Trees:
“There are also times in life when a person has to rush off in pursuit of hopefulness.”

If you are at one of those times, here are ways to develop the skill to hope:

1. Dream Again

To cultivate hope, you need to believe in its possibility. Start by:

  • Reflecting on what you’re passionate about, your values, and what you want to achieve.
  • Writing your dreams down, sharing them with someone encouraging, or saying them out loud.
  • Creating a vision board to make your dreams feel more tangible.

Dreams are the foundation of hope—they give you something meaningful to aspire toward.

2. Create an Environment of Hope

  • Set Goals: Write down your goals and create a plan to achieve them.
  • Visualize Success: Use inspirational quotes, photos, or tools like dumbbells or canvases to remind yourself of your goals.
  • Build a Resource Library: Collect books, eBooks, or audiobooks about hope and success to inspire you.

An environment that fosters hope will keep you motivated, resilient, and focused.

3. Face the Challenges

Don’t avoid challenges—overcoming them builds confidence. Participating in challenging activities, like strategic games, can enhance your problem-solving skills and reinforce hope.

4. Commit to Wisdom

Seek wisdom from those who have achieved what you aspire to. Whether through books, blogs, or social media platforms, learn from their journeys. Wisdom provides the foundation for real, actionable hope.

5. Take Note of Small Wins

Reflecting on past victories can fuel your hope for the future. Ask yourself:

  • What challenges have I already overcome?
  • How did I feel when I succeeded?

By remembering those feelings of happiness, relief, or satisfaction, your brain will naturally adopt a more hopeful mindset.

Conclusion

Hope is more than wishful thinking—it’s a powerful skill that can transform your life. By dreaming again, creating a hopeful environment, facing challenges, seeking wisdom, and celebrating small wins, you can develop the real hope necessary for success in all aspects of life.

Let hope guide you toward a brighter, more fulfilling future.

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Life

The 5 Stages of a Quarter-Life Crisis & What You Can Do

A quarter-life crisis isn’t a sign you’ve lost your way; it’s a sign you’re fighting for a life that’s truly yours.

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what is a quarter life crisis
Image Credit: Midjourney

The quarter-life crisis is a well-defined set of stages—Trapped, Checking Out, Separation, Exploration, Rebuilding—one goes through in breaking free from feelings of meaninglessness, lack of fulfillment, and misalignment with purpose. I detail the stages and interweave my story below. (more…)

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Life

Here’s The Thing About Learning, Unlearning, and Relearning

Stop hoarding and start sharing your knowledge and wealth for the benefit of humankind

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sharing your knowledge
Image Credit: Midjourney

Few people have the habit of hoarding their wealth without spending.  However, it limits their motivation as they tend to get into their comfort zones.  When people start spending money, then there will be depletion in their coffers. (more…)

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Life

3 Steps That’ll Help You Take Back Control of Your Life Immediately

The key to finding “enough” is recognizing that the root of the problem is a question of self-esteem and deservedness

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How to build self worth
Image Credit: Midjourney

“It’s never enough.” (more…)

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