Connect with us


7 Things You Need to Start Doing to Take Back Control of Your Life



take control of your life

We all get busy in life with work, children, partner, family, boss, friends and so much more. It can be difficult to juggle everything, and usually because we try to meet the needs of everyone else, we end up neglecting our own needs. Trying to fulfill our many responsibilities can create much stress and overwhelm to the point where you are caught in what can only feel like a tornado.

When this happens you are caught in a vicious cycle where you keep trying to meet the needs of others. This causes stress, anxiety, worry and can affect your relationships, your performance at work, your health and overall wellbeing. When you bounce from one situation to another you are not truly living but merely surviving.

If you want to live a life of true happiness you must break this cycle. You must change this situation and become more intentional about building a positive life where you can be happy and successful. The happiest and most successful people in the world ensure that they do not get caught in this whirlwind.

Follow these 7 steps below to break free of this situation and get focused:

1. Establish your goals

In order to reclaim control over your life, you must establish what you want from life and where you want your life to go. This will give you focus and direction and ensure that life doesn’t pass you by.

2. Have a daily agenda

In the evening or first thing in the morning, take time to establish your most important tasks for that day. Include appointments and include activities that will move you closer towards YOUR goals and what you want. Even if you have to go to work, look after children and attend important appointments, you must include activities that relate to your purpose and passions in life. No one else is going to work on these for you, so you must take back control and work on what you want.

“The key is not to prioritize what’s on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities.” – Stephen Covey

3. Develop a morning routine

Those who have control of their lives and are successful are those who rise early and have a routine. Instead of snoozing the alarm, running about like a ninja getting ready for work, rushing to get to work on time; those who live their life on their terms create a morning routine that works for them, so that they can start the day working on their goals before anyone else has a chance to bother them.

Successful people who build their lives use the time in the morning to set themselves up for a positive day. If you can exercise, read, write or work towards your goals in the morning then you will feel like a rockstar the rest of the day.

4. Unplug and get outside

Technology is wonderful and we can do amazing things with our smartphones, but it is so important to unplug from all devices more often. Many say we have no time for reading, writing, gym or working on goals. However, in reality, many of us waste all of our evenings sitting in front of the TV, whilst surfing the internet on our tablets and answering social media and texts on our phones. This will not get you the life that you want. You must commit to changing this. Unplug! Start working towards what you want or life will slip by and you won’t even notice.

5. Be present

The sure way to increase your anxiety, stress levels or continuing to react to life is focusing on what happened in your past or worrying about what might happen in the future. Eckhart Tolle teaches us that the only moment that we have is the here and now. By focusing on the present moment you can remind yourself of what is important and reclaim the present moment. Slow down, look at nature, dream, spend time with family, work on your goals. Because in the end emails and chores can wait.

6. Learn to say no

Many of us find it very difficult to say no to the requests of others because we fear they may judge us. We are constantly being pulled in various directions from work, children, friends, family, spouse. It can be difficult to juggle all of the needs of others, and when we try to meet all these needs we get stressed, unhappy and burnt out.

We must make sure that we have the courage to say no to things that we do not want to do and ensure that we aren’t just saying yes because we are worried about others reactions. Remember, this is your life, so be kind to yourself and take back the time that you deserve to work on you.

“It takes effort to say no when our heart and brains and guts and, most important, pride are yearning to say yes. Practice.” – Cole Harmonson

7. Become immune to negative people

In life there are always going to be people who say negative things about you. To ensure you live your life on your terms, you must become immune to their judgement. When you start taking control of your life and following your dreams, be aware that others may have opinions on that and may give you negative feedback.

Feedback is vitally important in order to improve on things but when it is just nasty in an attempt to rip you apart, they have their own problems and demons to deal with that has nothing to do with you, so don’t let it get to you. Stay focused on your purpose and your agenda and they will move on to pick on someone else.

It is easy to get caught up in the roller coaster of life, but nothing is ever produced, created or fulfilling when life goes past in a blur. Use these tips above to take back control of your life and begin to live a truly happy, successful and abundant life.

What are you currently doing to take back control of your life? Leave your thoughts below!

Lorna Harkins is a personal & professional coach, using coaching to help clients overcome obstacle, cultivate a mindset for success and achieve their goals. It is her mission to ensure that everyone knows that they have the ability to be the hero, to have what they want, and then to empower them to take action to make their life and existence one of meaning, fulfilment and success. If you liked this article follow her on twitter @_bafr.



Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


The Imbalanced Problem with Work/Life Balance

Balancing is for your checkbook, gymnastics, and nutrition; not for your people’s work/life ratio.



Image Credit: Canva

Balance…it requires an equal distribution of value between two or more subjects to maintain steady composure and equitable proportionality. (more…)

Continue Reading


How to Find the Courage to Start New

Change is scary, but it’s a normal part of life.



Image Credit: Unsplash

It’s 2023, a new year, new you, right? But how do we start over? How do we make the changes in our lives that we crave so much to see?  (more…)

Continue Reading


Failing is More Important Than Succeeding

Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures.



Image Credit: Unsplash

People often consider failure a stigma.  Society often doesn’t respect the people who failed and avoids and criticizes their actions. Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures. Not to have endeavored is worse than failing in life as at some stage of your life you regret not having tried in your life.  (more…)

Continue Reading


5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma



Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.


Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:


1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.


2. Persistent Pain

Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.

4. A strong need for control

It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
Continue Reading