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5 Positive Things That People Forget When They Are Feeling Down And Out

Joel Brown (Founder of Addicted2Success.com)

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Stay Positive More Confidence When Youre Down and Out

Losing confidence at some point in life is natural and human. May be you have done something that makes you feel bad about yourself, or you have lost a close partner or friend. There are many things that could be giving you a bad feeling. This is common to all human beings. Nevertheless, what matters most is how you handle those situations and moments when feeling down and out.

Although you may be feeling down at one point in life, it is important to note that this is never meant to last.

When going through tough times, it’s a great idea to consider the following points.

 

 

The 5 Important Positives

 

1. Remember your past successes

When going through the hard knock moments, it is important to remember positive aspects of your life. Consider achievements that you have accomplished in your life. Sometimes when going through a moment of feeling down and out you may forget what you have accomplished in the past.

To regain your confidence, consider things you have done successfully in the past. Instances when you have been commended for good performance or moments when you have felt good about yourself. Consider these achievements as an indication that you can overcome what you are going through.

 

2. Your strengths

Having accomplished some goals in the past is an indication that you have what it takes to be successful. Remember your strengths and what made you successful in these instances.

Consider instances when you have accomplished what others have been unable to achieve. Maybe you have managed to achieve good grades in your college studies while others have not. Everyone has some sort of standout strength, so if you are in doubt, ask someone close to you what they believe to be your strongest points.

 

3. Consider the people you have in your life

When feeling down and out, it is important to consider the amazing people you have in life. These could be your family members, children or friends. Spend more time with these people especially if they know how to encourage you during hard times. By having fun with loved ones, you will realize that your bad feeling will disappear. Remind yourself that there are people out there who are not fortunate enough to have a good support group of friends and family in their life and that this is something you should definitely appreciate more. Some have lost family members through accidents and others are orphans. Consider yourself lucky for having such people in your life and be happy for them.

Also, look around you and be real with yourself, if you have crappy negative friends then they are only going to drag you down.

 

4. Consider things you have overcome in the past

This is not the first time you are experiencing challenges in life. There are times when you have come across even more complicated things in life and overcome. This should give you confidence that you will also overcome even the one you are facing currently. It is always important to have positive thoughts about yourself during these times.View yourself as a winner and bear in mind that your current situation is just a drop in the ocean.

Regain your confidence by convincing yourself that most of the worries you are having do not exist in real sense. You are just creating and making them look bigger in your mind, they are not there in the real world and can only be overcome by having positive thoughts about you and your life.

 

5. Consider your environment

There are people who are living in an environment worse than the one you have. Look around and see the beauty of your home. What you own, the animals and beautiful landscape. Consider what you have and ought to be happy and thankful for. Once you notice this, do not waste any more time being down and out. Be happy, lively and enjoy what life has offered you.

Not everybody has a chance to live in the kind of environment where you are. This should give you a reason to be happy and confident about yourself. Remember that in a good environment where there is peace, you can achieve greater things. Always remember that some people live in worse environments than you. Therefore, make the most from your environment and be happy about yourself.

Feeling down and out is one of the major challenges that can make you lose confidence and even question your abilities. Nevertheless, when you consider positive things you have done in your life you will easily overcome these situations. Also be around people who encourage you when feeling down and out. The most important thing is to avoid negative thoughts about your life. Instead, focus on things that boost your confidence.

I am the the Founder of Addicted2Success.com and I am so grateful you're here to be part of this awesome community. I love connecting with people who have a passion for Entrepreneurship, Self Development & Achieving Success. I started this website with the intention of educating and inspiring likeminded people to always strive for success no matter what their circumstances. I'm proud to say through my podcast and through this website we have impacted over 100 million lives in the last 6 and a half years.

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9 Comments

9 Comments

  1. Jimbo Belisario

    Mar 7, 2014 at 12:18 pm

    Thank you. I read this just right in time when i’m so down that I don’t even know how to stand anymore… Godbless you buddy..

  2. Kyle B

    Mar 2, 2014 at 3:47 am

    Great tips and thanks for sharing!

    What separates people who enjoy success from the majority who end up never getting what they want is how we respond to failure. It is how we respond to failure while overcoming obstacles that plays a huge role in achieving success or continuing down those same paths of failure.

  3. Darren Leong

    Nov 18, 2013 at 9:15 am

    Lately I lost a few deals and felt very down. I had been in bad mood and get angry easily. Today I just go online and want to find something to motivate myself and I found this link. Thanks. It is always easy to say than do. However we understand the meaning and will work towards that direction.

  4. anisam

    Nov 18, 2013 at 5:51 am

    What happens when you do not have any positive people in your life. My friends were really negative and so is my family. They dont support my studying for a degree or the fact that I have achieved alot in life. Being positive by yourself sucks especially when you dont have anyone that can really lift your spirits.

    • JFelix

      Nov 19, 2013 at 4:25 pm

      Find people that are on the same “wavelength” as you. A mentor, people in your field of study with the same motivation, or new friends with a positive outlook on life. Don’t let others hold you back on what you want to achieve out of life.

    • shona

      Nov 22, 2013 at 6:08 pm

      Jst try to find happiness within u… Believe in god… Because whenever we dont hv any positive person around us then god is one of the sources to get positivity frm… Try something innovative… Start enjoying ur life… N always think that you r d bst…. Bt dont make others feel bad n inferior…. Start doing things which you like the most…. Jst live ur life… Forget about ur bad past bt always praise urslf for ur past successes… B happy stay happy… N remember that u r unique n only one of ur kind… I have much more to write… Bt i wish this will help u… Stay blessed….

    • noor

      Dec 28, 2013 at 12:41 pm

      It is common in human nature.to lose ur confidence & to start looking at negativity..u shud belive in ur self.back ur self in tough time.dont think too much.every day is a new day..become passion from ur heart.express ur self.make the best from your life.dont let fear enter in ur mind.

  5. deborahola

    Nov 14, 2013 at 7:10 pm

    We’ve all had times in our lives when things weren’t going our way and we felt like giving up. Its important we stay positive and never give up, remember these points listed above by joel because life is filled with many opportunities.

    Thanks for sharing.

  6. Binyam

    Nov 14, 2013 at 4:59 am

    thanks man. i believe I am a strong man and i was on my down days. so when i was looking something to read i came across this website……once again thank you for putting it together.

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Life

Self-Compassion Vs. Self-Esteem: How You Can Build Both

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self care
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Self-esteem can be defined as the confidence in your own abilities or worth. Self-compassion, however, can be defined by the ability to be gentle with yourself, even if you have misjudged or made a mistake.

You ask yourself from time to time, how is self esteem related to success? Having a sense of low self-esteem can really become a barrier for building your career and ultimately, living the life you want.

You may be completely competent in your skills and abilities but be too afraid to show the world your talents or too hesitant to apply for that job. Low self-esteem may hinder you in your personal life by leaving you with feelings of inadequacy or you may always be comparing yourself to someone else.

Self-esteem is not something that can be instantly repaired overnight. Building your self-esteem can take time and, most importantly, self-compassion. It is most important to be kind to yourself and accept that from time to time, you will make mistakes.

Creating a strong sense of self-compassion can ultimately bring more to your life than just a newfound sense of self-love.

Self-Compassion Vs. Self-Esteem

When looking at self compassion vs self esteem, which is more important? Self-esteem can be volatile and emotional, while self-compassion can allow you to remove your self-esteem from your value judgments of yourself.

Knowing this will allow you to look at your decisions and actions from a non-judgmental mindset. You will be able to look at your traits, both good and bad, and accept that all of them are a part of human nature.

New studies suggest that self-compassion, rather than self-esteem, may be the key that allows you to achieve more growth because you can take your best traits and cultivate them while look at your worst traits objectively.

It can be argued that improving self-compassion will ultimately serve you better in the long run than improving your self-esteem. Even if self-compassion is more important, you can still have room to improve your self-esteem while you are at it.

Here are some tips to tell you how to work on self esteem and self compassion:

1. Be Gentle with Yourself

No one is perfect and, as humans, we will all make mistakes. It is important to recognize and accept our flaws and mistakes as imperfect. Embrace that there are people that care about you, despite your flaws.

“Mistakes are always forgivable, if one has the courage to admit them.” – Bruce Lee

2. Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness has many reported benefits for improving your mental health. You can use mindfulness by becoming aware and present in the current moment. Using mindfulness can help you look at your thoughts objectively and decide “Is this a fact about myself or a judgement?”

By staying mindful of how you are speaking to yourself, you can identify where your thoughts are becoming negative and redirect your thinking to more positive thoughts.

Practicing mindfulness will help you look at the current moment without judgements or preconceived ideas about yourself and allow room for growth.

3. Allow Room to Grow

We all inherently have traits that can be seen as undesirable, yet it’s what we do with those traits that decide whether we grow or remain where we’re at in life. By looking objectively at your flaws with a growth mindset, you can transform your life.

Allow yourself to take the things about yourself that you are uncomfortable with and learn from them on how to better yourself. The takeaways would be to focus on one thing at a time and take baby steps.

4. Be Grateful

It is easy to compare ourselves and what we have, or don’t have, to those around us.

Everyone around us is putting the greatest highlights of their lives on social media, and we end up making comparisons that we shouldn’t. It is important to remember to be grateful for what you do have such as the ability to be a great writer or excel in mathematics.

“Talent is God given. Be humble. Fame is man-given. Be grateful. Conceit is self-given. Be careful.” – John Wooden

Secondly, we need to be mindful of our positive traits, and how they can benefit the world. Think about how your specific skills have served you in the past. Perhaps, you are great at taking the lead and because of that, you’re the main leader on work projects. Remember that your positive traits deserve acknowledgement and praise.

5. Do Good

It has been proven that participating in improving the well-being of those around you will aid in improving your own well-being. Doing good and helping those around you will only have a positive effect in your life.

It is not beneficial to tear others down in an effort to build yourself up. Saying and doing helpful things for others around you will not only improve their self-esteem but yours as well.

6. Practice Makes Perfect

It will take some time and commitment to truly work on your self-esteem and self-compassion. This is not a commitment to yourself that you should take lightly. Decide that now is the time for action and truly commit to remaining consistent in bettering yourself.

You may see the successful people around you and how they seem to be so confident in themselves and wonder to yourself, is self-esteem the key to success? Truthfully, the answer would be no.

The key to success lies within many factors, and self-esteem and self-compassion are only two of the factors. As far as building both areas, practicing these strategies listed will help you learn how to get better in self-esteem and self-compassion.

Which one of the above factors resonated most with you in your pursuit of building your self-compassion and self-esteem? Let us know below!

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Life

7 Strategies to Get Anything You Want From Life

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Success is tricky. There is no shortage of information about what creates success, but there are secret saboteurs in your thoughts and beliefs that may be sacking your accomplishments.

If you aren’t where you want to be in life, consider the following:

1. Choose accuracy over history

Your beliefs are not necessarily accurate. Your perception of the world is based on your personality traits, such as neuroticism, conscientiousness, agreeableness, or openness. In addition, what you learned in your early childhood environment and what was role modeled for you play another part.

Your views are more about your history than accuracy. Not to say that everything you set store by is wrong, but just because you think it, doesn’t make it so. Look for proof.

2. Be aware of your biases

Your brain uses mental shortcuts to evaluate new information out of necessity. Those shortcuts, however, influence how you perceive the world. Though there are hundreds of proven biases, here are a few more commonly known ones that impact what you believe.

Confirmation bias makes you more likely to accept new information that supports beliefs you currently hold about the world. This one makes you unlikely to change your mind once it’s made up.

Availability heuristic makes you more likely to overestimate the importance of information that is easy to remember. Lastly, there’s conformity bias which makes you want to conform with other people.

A 2015 article in Business Insider cited 58 biases that screw up the way we think and subsequently, what we do! Being aware that your brain may be limiting you and having some idea what the most common biases are can help you be more critical of information you take in and help you to be open to ideas and knowledge different from your beliefs.

3. Recognize, refute and replace negative self-talk

You have 50,000 to 80,000 conversations in your head per day on average, and some percentage of them are negative self-talk. For many people, that percentage is less than 50%. I’m not good enough, I’m too fat, or I can’t are all examples of negative self-talk.

Begin to recognize these thoughts and refute them by stating reasons why they’re not true. Lastly, replace them with something better such as “I have what it takes to do what I am meant to do,” or, change your “I can’t” to “I can.”

“Your smile will give you a positive countenance that will make people feel comfortable around you.” – Les Brown

4. Choose optimism

Optimism is defined by Merriam Webster online as, ”an inclination to put the most favorable construction upon actions and events or to anticipate the best possible outcome.” In short, it means to be hopeful which does not preclude healthy skepticism.

Martin Seligman is one of the founders of positive psychology, and in his book, Learned Optimism, shares strategies to grow your optimism. In the book, Dr. Seligman shares that “most people catastrophize. Learned optimism is about accuracy, and works not through an unjustifiable positivity about the world but through the power of ‘non-negative’ thinking.”

5. Rely on grit over talent and passion

Psychologist Angela Duckworth in her book Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance, states that “Enthusiasm is common. Endurance is rare.” She talks about how it’s easy to be in love with what you do but more challenging to stay in love with it. That takes grit. Pursuing something because you have a passion for it is not enough to keep you going.

You must be willing to hone your skills, develop your creativity and grow what you do. Discover, develop, deepen. Moreover, don’t expect talent and innate ability to do more than open doors and create opportunities. These are little more than clues to your passion. Grit is what creates success.

6. You figure out what you love over time not overnight

You also figure it out by trying many things and getting out of your head. Most people are not born knowing what their soul’s purpose and passion are. To figure out what you love, try different jobs, volunteer with different organizations, look for clues, and look for mentors to help you.

Knowing what you don’t like is important to the process of figuring out what you love. Dr. Duckworth shares, “most grit paragons I’ve interviewed told me they spent years exploring several different interests, and the one that eventually came to occupy all of their waking (and some sleeping) thoughts wasn’t recognizably their life’s destiny on first acquaintance.”

As someone who studied classical ballet, accounting, finance, international business, French, fashion and psychology in college, followed by positive psychology, coaching, and writing, I can vouch for it taking years, and thousands of dollars to find what I enduringly love doing.

“Entrepreneurs average 3.8 failures before final success. What sets the successful ones apart is their amazing persistence.” – Lisa M. Amos

7. A growth mindset wins over a fixed mindset

You will be more successful if you believe, not that you are ready, but that you aren’t. If you have a growth mindset, you know that to be successful you will have to learn new things, face challenges, and adapt.

In her book, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, Dr. Carol Dweck shares that, “in the growth mindset, you don’t always need confidence…even when you think you’re not good at something, you can still plunge into it wholeheartedly and stick to it.”

When you are open to new information, whether it is consistent with your current beliefs or not, you have the opportunity to grow.

Whether you are cultivating optimism, finding or deepening your passion, or dialing down the influence of biases, having an open mind and expanding it can turn you into a high performer. If you feel stuck, try something new.

Tony Robbins says, “Don’t quit. Try a new approach.” You may be holding yourself back either by negative self-talk or old programming. If doing what you always did hasn’t gotten you where you want to be, try something new.  Start by challenging your thoughts and beliefs.

Which one of these points resonated most with you? Let us know your thoughts below!

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Life

The Power of 7 Day Goals: 5 Behaviors to Make Them Successful

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When most people think of the goal setting process, they think of large auspicious goals that tend to occupy a lot of mental and behavioral space. Most of us, when we think of goal setting, think of bigger and more commodious housing, sexier automobiles, vacations, relationships, and any of the other bigger chunks of our lives that we would like to make changes in.

While larger goals are fine and help keep us focused in the direction of our lives’ objective, it really doesn’t hurt to focus on smaller goals; goals that can be accomplished quickly, maybe even in a week.

The two types of 7 day goals you need to set

There are two types of seven day goals that we should set: one is a larger goal broken down into a behavioral step that we can finish this week. By that I mean, if your goal was to lose 50 pounds, your goal this week might be to research gyms. You see what we’ve done here,  we took a larger goal, that of losing 50 pounds, and broken it into actionable steps; the first being to go to several gyms, trying them out and seeing which one we like the best.

The second type of seven day goals is very simple; it revolves around doing something that we know we should do. Let me give you an example. In my face-to-face, multi-week trainings, I asked participants to set a seven-day personal goal. Something small. Something that was bothering them and that they know they can accomplish in seven days. Perhaps it was a disorganized closet or washing the car. The whole idea was to practice the goal setting process, seeing results, and then celebrating your accomplishments.

“If you set goals and go after them with all the determination you can muster, your gifts will take you places that will amaze you.” – Les Brown

While going around the room and debriefing, one woman in the class said that she did in fact accomplish her goal; it was to remove her Christmas decorations from her ironing board and put them in the closet where they would be stored until next Christmas. I found this to be somewhat amusing since the class was being held April. I asked her where did she do her ironing? She said that she put her clothes in a basket and took them upstairs to the kitchen where she proceeded to iron on the kitchen counter.

I asked her how she felt about looking at that ironing board with the Christmas decorations on it and she said that when she viewed the ironing board, now Christmas decoration storage container, it made her mad or depressed. I asked her a second level question, how long did it take you to put those Christmas decorations in the closet, where they should’ve been for the last four months? She said about 10 minutes. 10 minutes to stop feeling angry or depressed!

Think about the power of goal setting. For four months this woman was feeling emotional overhead every time the visual anchor of the Christmas decorated ironing board was observed. She set a goal to remove the obstacle and in 10 minutes was able to clean her ironing and store it in the necessary location. I asked her how she felt after the ironing board was cleared. With a smile on her face she said, “delighted!” So, a 10 minute behavior, based upon a 7-day goal, transformed her anger/depression into feeling delighted!

As you can see, the power of the whole process is not only apparent in those gigantic chunks of achievement that we want to accomplish, but can also be evidenced in smaller, actionable steps that we can do quickly.

Here’s a couple ideas to move you in the direction of positive goal setting and successful behavior:

1. Set a seven-day business goal and a seven-day personal goal

Everyone has something in their business that they would like to accomplish. Perhaps it’s cleaning out a desk drawer that has for years been a black hole. Perhaps, it’s sorting through the file cabinet purging unnecessary files. Regardless, there is something at work that is most likely anchoring you negative emotional overhead and can be resolved quickly with setting the seven-day goal to change whatever it is. The same thing applies to home. Is there a closet that you’ve been meaning to clean (for several years)? How about that corner of the garage? A room that needs to be painted? Instead of rationalizing why you can’t do it, why not do it?

“Setting goals is the first step in turning the invisible into the visible.” – Tony Robbins

2. Don’t only set the goal, schedule it

Put it in your calendar and make it an appointment. That way at the appropriate time you will naturally fall in the habit of action.

3. Stay enthusiastic

Don’t accomplish your goal with drudgery. If you do, you will most likely not set any more goals. Instead, attack your goals with enthusiasm and unbridled abandoned. Because it is that very action that is instilling in you the success attribute of positive goalsetting, one of the strongest behavior modifiers human kind has ever known.

4. At the end of the week analyze your results

What behaviors did you modify to accomplish your goals? What rationalizations did you hold dear that perhaps kept you from accomplishing your goals? Be honest with yourself! Add more of what you should, and delete that which was not helpful.

5. Celebrate your victories

Each small goal is an accomplishment. Each one is a celebration of your successes. While I’m not suggesting a two-week Caribbean cruise for cleaning out your closet, perhaps a pizza for dinner instead of cooking might be in order.

So, there you have it. The idea that all goals do not have to be gigantic, and that small goals are just as important. Success has been defined as the progressive, realization, of worthwhile, predetermined, personal goals. That means that success is based on goal setting and that success is a habit.

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Life

Why the Primal Necessity of Showing the Real You Leads to Success

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In today’s society, where conformity has become the norm, it has become tough to find real people. In our efforts to fit in we dress, behave, and eat the same as everyone else, forgetting our individuality is what makes us remarkable. Of course, acting in a certain way makes you fit in with particular crowds.

But why would you want to be the same as everyone else when you can stand out by being unapologetically real? Research indicates that people who show their authentic selves are more successful than those who try to fit in with the crowd. Read on to find out why the primal necessity of showing a real you leads to success.

Accept yourself as you are

In recent times, authentic people are the minority, but, fortunately, more people are learning the benefits of remaining unique and going against the norm. You have a purpose that nobody who has ever lived or who will ever live doesn’t have. Being unapologetically real leads you to discover your purpose. Until you conclude peace with yourself and let yourself be yourself, you, most likely can’t build a strong relationship with somebody who you like.

You are confident

Being confident is not easy, and the best place to develop and improve it is by starting at the source, you. Being yourself makes you a unique person. You can identify your strengths as well as weaknesses, which enables you to have higher self-esteem. Your weaknesses can no longer be used against you because you have already accepted them. You can stick up for your beliefs without caring what anyone will think of you.

Confidence in your true abilities pushes you to take risks that a person who is used to conforming to societal standards would not. Furthermore, confidence attracts confidence. A confident, authentic person draws people who have the same qualities which gets you a supportive group of friends.

“Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.” – Brene Brown

You have an open mind/passionate

One of the best benefits of being the real you is that you have an open mind. You accept that you can’t have control over your thoughts all the time and hence are more open to ideas. The beliefs of others don’t confine you, and you accept that you are not all-knowing. You pile up ideas on ways to approach different situations hence strengthening yourself. By having an open mind, you know that mistakes happen and that there is the possibility of failure. You use your mistakes as an opportunity to learn other people’s perspectives and make yourself better.

You live in the moment

Tomorrow is not promised. Why would you take for granted this gift of life by wasting it trying to be someone you are not? The best time to be the real you is now. When a person decides to live in the moment, their lives become happier and more satisfied. Enjoying every little time you have now makes you more present-minded. Instead of spending your time regretting or worrying about your past or what the future may bring, why don’t you simply enjoy the present you have?

We sometimes make the mistake of having expectations on ourselves that are too high to achieve leading to disappointments. Many people give up when things don’t work out the way they would like. Maybe you have been waiting for that promotion for a year now, but it doesn’t seem to be happening. Accept your reality and keep working hard towards your goal trusting that it will happen eventually.

You are authentic

As it is about art portraits ‘be an original.’ An original is worth more than a fake. Although there is no easy road to success, you can make your journey easier by being authentic. Authenticity means that your decisions are not affected by pressures from outside influences. It means going against the norms and standing for your beliefs. Genuine people become successful. Decision making becomes a bit easier because you are better able to say no to things you don’t support.

You trust your instincts more and can differentiate between honest people and those that are not. When building a business, you definitely don’t want to be surrounded by people who are dishonest with you. People will trust the quality of your work. People who don’t feel the need to make excuses for their mistakes are admirable.

“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” – Aristotle

You don’t owe anyone anything

Do you often feel the need to explain your actions to people? Or are you one of those who apologize for everything? It is about time you stop doing that. You don’t owe anyone anything. Be unapologetically yourself, you will be happier. Why should you apologize for being you? We usually ask for so little for ourselves forgetting that we deserve all the love, kindness and care that we give to others.

When you embrace that and love the reflection you see in the mirror, you become more confident and can go for your goals knowing you deserve it. You hear people say things like, ‘I owe my boss a lot for giving me this promotion,’ or ‘I owe my spouse a lot for sticking with me’. Don’t mistake gratitude for debt. If you worked for it, you deserved it. You don’t owe anything to anyone except yourself.

You remember how to dream

Living your life as someone you aren’t can be very stressful and might even feel like a battle you have to fight every day. Your thoughts become constrained to a particular way of thinking. However, once you embrace the real you, life becomes a bit easier. You are less stressed, and you can be creative and passionate about dreams you have been locking away.

Can you imagine just how happy you’d be if you lived your life doing what you love? Why would you want to live in this world fulfilling other people’s dreams and putting yours on hold? You were born to shine. You will be doing an injustice to the world by hiding that light.

It is both mentally and physically exhausting going about every day of your life pretending to be something you aren’t. Walk in your own shoes that fit instead of walking in someone else’s that may be too small for you. If you can’t be yourself who else can you be?

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Are You Really a Leader? 3 Questions That Will Help You Find the Answer

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Being a leader is a lot of responsibility. People look to you to make decisions, direct them, provide support, and get results. A true leader is an amazing presence: a humble yet confident person who inspires those around them. (more…)

Ryan Ayers has consulted a number of Fortune 500 companies within multiple industries including information, technology and big data. After earning his MBA in 2010, Ayers also began working with start-up companies and aspiring entrepreneurs, with a keen focus on data collection and analysis.

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9 Comments

9 Comments

  1. Jimbo Belisario

    Mar 7, 2014 at 12:18 pm

    Thank you. I read this just right in time when i’m so down that I don’t even know how to stand anymore… Godbless you buddy..

  2. Kyle B

    Mar 2, 2014 at 3:47 am

    Great tips and thanks for sharing!

    What separates people who enjoy success from the majority who end up never getting what they want is how we respond to failure. It is how we respond to failure while overcoming obstacles that plays a huge role in achieving success or continuing down those same paths of failure.

  3. Darren Leong

    Nov 18, 2013 at 9:15 am

    Lately I lost a few deals and felt very down. I had been in bad mood and get angry easily. Today I just go online and want to find something to motivate myself and I found this link. Thanks. It is always easy to say than do. However we understand the meaning and will work towards that direction.

  4. anisam

    Nov 18, 2013 at 5:51 am

    What happens when you do not have any positive people in your life. My friends were really negative and so is my family. They dont support my studying for a degree or the fact that I have achieved alot in life. Being positive by yourself sucks especially when you dont have anyone that can really lift your spirits.

    • JFelix

      Nov 19, 2013 at 4:25 pm

      Find people that are on the same “wavelength” as you. A mentor, people in your field of study with the same motivation, or new friends with a positive outlook on life. Don’t let others hold you back on what you want to achieve out of life.

    • shona

      Nov 22, 2013 at 6:08 pm

      Jst try to find happiness within u… Believe in god… Because whenever we dont hv any positive person around us then god is one of the sources to get positivity frm… Try something innovative… Start enjoying ur life… N always think that you r d bst…. Bt dont make others feel bad n inferior…. Start doing things which you like the most…. Jst live ur life… Forget about ur bad past bt always praise urslf for ur past successes… B happy stay happy… N remember that u r unique n only one of ur kind… I have much more to write… Bt i wish this will help u… Stay blessed….

    • noor

      Dec 28, 2013 at 12:41 pm

      It is common in human nature.to lose ur confidence & to start looking at negativity..u shud belive in ur self.back ur self in tough time.dont think too much.every day is a new day..become passion from ur heart.express ur self.make the best from your life.dont let fear enter in ur mind.

  5. deborahola

    Nov 14, 2013 at 7:10 pm

    We’ve all had times in our lives when things weren’t going our way and we felt like giving up. Its important we stay positive and never give up, remember these points listed above by joel because life is filled with many opportunities.

    Thanks for sharing.

  6. Binyam

    Nov 14, 2013 at 4:59 am

    thanks man. i believe I am a strong man and i was on my down days. so when i was looking something to read i came across this website……once again thank you for putting it together.

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Life

Self-Compassion Vs. Self-Esteem: How You Can Build Both

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Self-esteem can be defined as the confidence in your own abilities or worth. Self-compassion, however, can be defined by the ability to be gentle with yourself, even if you have misjudged or made a mistake.

You ask yourself from time to time, how is self esteem related to success? Having a sense of low self-esteem can really become a barrier for building your career and ultimately, living the life you want.

You may be completely competent in your skills and abilities but be too afraid to show the world your talents or too hesitant to apply for that job. Low self-esteem may hinder you in your personal life by leaving you with feelings of inadequacy or you may always be comparing yourself to someone else.

Self-esteem is not something that can be instantly repaired overnight. Building your self-esteem can take time and, most importantly, self-compassion. It is most important to be kind to yourself and accept that from time to time, you will make mistakes.

Creating a strong sense of self-compassion can ultimately bring more to your life than just a newfound sense of self-love.

Self-Compassion Vs. Self-Esteem

When looking at self compassion vs self esteem, which is more important? Self-esteem can be volatile and emotional, while self-compassion can allow you to remove your self-esteem from your value judgments of yourself.

Knowing this will allow you to look at your decisions and actions from a non-judgmental mindset. You will be able to look at your traits, both good and bad, and accept that all of them are a part of human nature.

New studies suggest that self-compassion, rather than self-esteem, may be the key that allows you to achieve more growth because you can take your best traits and cultivate them while look at your worst traits objectively.

It can be argued that improving self-compassion will ultimately serve you better in the long run than improving your self-esteem. Even if self-compassion is more important, you can still have room to improve your self-esteem while you are at it.

Here are some tips to tell you how to work on self esteem and self compassion:

1. Be Gentle with Yourself

No one is perfect and, as humans, we will all make mistakes. It is important to recognize and accept our flaws and mistakes as imperfect. Embrace that there are people that care about you, despite your flaws.

“Mistakes are always forgivable, if one has the courage to admit them.” – Bruce Lee

2. Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness has many reported benefits for improving your mental health. You can use mindfulness by becoming aware and present in the current moment. Using mindfulness can help you look at your thoughts objectively and decide “Is this a fact about myself or a judgement?”

By staying mindful of how you are speaking to yourself, you can identify where your thoughts are becoming negative and redirect your thinking to more positive thoughts.

Practicing mindfulness will help you look at the current moment without judgements or preconceived ideas about yourself and allow room for growth.

3. Allow Room to Grow

We all inherently have traits that can be seen as undesirable, yet it’s what we do with those traits that decide whether we grow or remain where we’re at in life. By looking objectively at your flaws with a growth mindset, you can transform your life.

Allow yourself to take the things about yourself that you are uncomfortable with and learn from them on how to better yourself. The takeaways would be to focus on one thing at a time and take baby steps.

4. Be Grateful

It is easy to compare ourselves and what we have, or don’t have, to those around us.

Everyone around us is putting the greatest highlights of their lives on social media, and we end up making comparisons that we shouldn’t. It is important to remember to be grateful for what you do have such as the ability to be a great writer or excel in mathematics.

“Talent is God given. Be humble. Fame is man-given. Be grateful. Conceit is self-given. Be careful.” – John Wooden

Secondly, we need to be mindful of our positive traits, and how they can benefit the world. Think about how your specific skills have served you in the past. Perhaps, you are great at taking the lead and because of that, you’re the main leader on work projects. Remember that your positive traits deserve acknowledgement and praise.

5. Do Good

It has been proven that participating in improving the well-being of those around you will aid in improving your own well-being. Doing good and helping those around you will only have a positive effect in your life.

It is not beneficial to tear others down in an effort to build yourself up. Saying and doing helpful things for others around you will not only improve their self-esteem but yours as well.

6. Practice Makes Perfect

It will take some time and commitment to truly work on your self-esteem and self-compassion. This is not a commitment to yourself that you should take lightly. Decide that now is the time for action and truly commit to remaining consistent in bettering yourself.

You may see the successful people around you and how they seem to be so confident in themselves and wonder to yourself, is self-esteem the key to success? Truthfully, the answer would be no.

The key to success lies within many factors, and self-esteem and self-compassion are only two of the factors. As far as building both areas, practicing these strategies listed will help you learn how to get better in self-esteem and self-compassion.

Which one of the above factors resonated most with you in your pursuit of building your self-compassion and self-esteem? Let us know below!

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Life

7 Strategies to Get Anything You Want From Life

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Success is tricky. There is no shortage of information about what creates success, but there are secret saboteurs in your thoughts and beliefs that may be sacking your accomplishments.

If you aren’t where you want to be in life, consider the following:

1. Choose accuracy over history

Your beliefs are not necessarily accurate. Your perception of the world is based on your personality traits, such as neuroticism, conscientiousness, agreeableness, or openness. In addition, what you learned in your early childhood environment and what was role modeled for you play another part.

Your views are more about your history than accuracy. Not to say that everything you set store by is wrong, but just because you think it, doesn’t make it so. Look for proof.

2. Be aware of your biases

Your brain uses mental shortcuts to evaluate new information out of necessity. Those shortcuts, however, influence how you perceive the world. Though there are hundreds of proven biases, here are a few more commonly known ones that impact what you believe.

Confirmation bias makes you more likely to accept new information that supports beliefs you currently hold about the world. This one makes you unlikely to change your mind once it’s made up.

Availability heuristic makes you more likely to overestimate the importance of information that is easy to remember. Lastly, there’s conformity bias which makes you want to conform with other people.

A 2015 article in Business Insider cited 58 biases that screw up the way we think and subsequently, what we do! Being aware that your brain may be limiting you and having some idea what the most common biases are can help you be more critical of information you take in and help you to be open to ideas and knowledge different from your beliefs.

3. Recognize, refute and replace negative self-talk

You have 50,000 to 80,000 conversations in your head per day on average, and some percentage of them are negative self-talk. For many people, that percentage is less than 50%. I’m not good enough, I’m too fat, or I can’t are all examples of negative self-talk.

Begin to recognize these thoughts and refute them by stating reasons why they’re not true. Lastly, replace them with something better such as “I have what it takes to do what I am meant to do,” or, change your “I can’t” to “I can.”

“Your smile will give you a positive countenance that will make people feel comfortable around you.” – Les Brown

4. Choose optimism

Optimism is defined by Merriam Webster online as, ”an inclination to put the most favorable construction upon actions and events or to anticipate the best possible outcome.” In short, it means to be hopeful which does not preclude healthy skepticism.

Martin Seligman is one of the founders of positive psychology, and in his book, Learned Optimism, shares strategies to grow your optimism. In the book, Dr. Seligman shares that “most people catastrophize. Learned optimism is about accuracy, and works not through an unjustifiable positivity about the world but through the power of ‘non-negative’ thinking.”

5. Rely on grit over talent and passion

Psychologist Angela Duckworth in her book Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance, states that “Enthusiasm is common. Endurance is rare.” She talks about how it’s easy to be in love with what you do but more challenging to stay in love with it. That takes grit. Pursuing something because you have a passion for it is not enough to keep you going.

You must be willing to hone your skills, develop your creativity and grow what you do. Discover, develop, deepen. Moreover, don’t expect talent and innate ability to do more than open doors and create opportunities. These are little more than clues to your passion. Grit is what creates success.

6. You figure out what you love over time not overnight

You also figure it out by trying many things and getting out of your head. Most people are not born knowing what their soul’s purpose and passion are. To figure out what you love, try different jobs, volunteer with different organizations, look for clues, and look for mentors to help you.

Knowing what you don’t like is important to the process of figuring out what you love. Dr. Duckworth shares, “most grit paragons I’ve interviewed told me they spent years exploring several different interests, and the one that eventually came to occupy all of their waking (and some sleeping) thoughts wasn’t recognizably their life’s destiny on first acquaintance.”

As someone who studied classical ballet, accounting, finance, international business, French, fashion and psychology in college, followed by positive psychology, coaching, and writing, I can vouch for it taking years, and thousands of dollars to find what I enduringly love doing.

“Entrepreneurs average 3.8 failures before final success. What sets the successful ones apart is their amazing persistence.” – Lisa M. Amos

7. A growth mindset wins over a fixed mindset

You will be more successful if you believe, not that you are ready, but that you aren’t. If you have a growth mindset, you know that to be successful you will have to learn new things, face challenges, and adapt.

In her book, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, Dr. Carol Dweck shares that, “in the growth mindset, you don’t always need confidence…even when you think you’re not good at something, you can still plunge into it wholeheartedly and stick to it.”

When you are open to new information, whether it is consistent with your current beliefs or not, you have the opportunity to grow.

Whether you are cultivating optimism, finding or deepening your passion, or dialing down the influence of biases, having an open mind and expanding it can turn you into a high performer. If you feel stuck, try something new.

Tony Robbins says, “Don’t quit. Try a new approach.” You may be holding yourself back either by negative self-talk or old programming. If doing what you always did hasn’t gotten you where you want to be, try something new.  Start by challenging your thoughts and beliefs.

Which one of these points resonated most with you? Let us know your thoughts below!

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Life

The Power of 7 Day Goals: 5 Behaviors to Make Them Successful

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When most people think of the goal setting process, they think of large auspicious goals that tend to occupy a lot of mental and behavioral space. Most of us, when we think of goal setting, think of bigger and more commodious housing, sexier automobiles, vacations, relationships, and any of the other bigger chunks of our lives that we would like to make changes in.

While larger goals are fine and help keep us focused in the direction of our lives’ objective, it really doesn’t hurt to focus on smaller goals; goals that can be accomplished quickly, maybe even in a week.

The two types of 7 day goals you need to set

There are two types of seven day goals that we should set: one is a larger goal broken down into a behavioral step that we can finish this week. By that I mean, if your goal was to lose 50 pounds, your goal this week might be to research gyms. You see what we’ve done here,  we took a larger goal, that of losing 50 pounds, and broken it into actionable steps; the first being to go to several gyms, trying them out and seeing which one we like the best.

The second type of seven day goals is very simple; it revolves around doing something that we know we should do. Let me give you an example. In my face-to-face, multi-week trainings, I asked participants to set a seven-day personal goal. Something small. Something that was bothering them and that they know they can accomplish in seven days. Perhaps it was a disorganized closet or washing the car. The whole idea was to practice the goal setting process, seeing results, and then celebrating your accomplishments.

“If you set goals and go after them with all the determination you can muster, your gifts will take you places that will amaze you.” – Les Brown

While going around the room and debriefing, one woman in the class said that she did in fact accomplish her goal; it was to remove her Christmas decorations from her ironing board and put them in the closet where they would be stored until next Christmas. I found this to be somewhat amusing since the class was being held April. I asked her where did she do her ironing? She said that she put her clothes in a basket and took them upstairs to the kitchen where she proceeded to iron on the kitchen counter.

I asked her how she felt about looking at that ironing board with the Christmas decorations on it and she said that when she viewed the ironing board, now Christmas decoration storage container, it made her mad or depressed. I asked her a second level question, how long did it take you to put those Christmas decorations in the closet, where they should’ve been for the last four months? She said about 10 minutes. 10 minutes to stop feeling angry or depressed!

Think about the power of goal setting. For four months this woman was feeling emotional overhead every time the visual anchor of the Christmas decorated ironing board was observed. She set a goal to remove the obstacle and in 10 minutes was able to clean her ironing and store it in the necessary location. I asked her how she felt after the ironing board was cleared. With a smile on her face she said, “delighted!” So, a 10 minute behavior, based upon a 7-day goal, transformed her anger/depression into feeling delighted!

As you can see, the power of the whole process is not only apparent in those gigantic chunks of achievement that we want to accomplish, but can also be evidenced in smaller, actionable steps that we can do quickly.

Here’s a couple ideas to move you in the direction of positive goal setting and successful behavior:

1. Set a seven-day business goal and a seven-day personal goal

Everyone has something in their business that they would like to accomplish. Perhaps it’s cleaning out a desk drawer that has for years been a black hole. Perhaps, it’s sorting through the file cabinet purging unnecessary files. Regardless, there is something at work that is most likely anchoring you negative emotional overhead and can be resolved quickly with setting the seven-day goal to change whatever it is. The same thing applies to home. Is there a closet that you’ve been meaning to clean (for several years)? How about that corner of the garage? A room that needs to be painted? Instead of rationalizing why you can’t do it, why not do it?

“Setting goals is the first step in turning the invisible into the visible.” – Tony Robbins

2. Don’t only set the goal, schedule it

Put it in your calendar and make it an appointment. That way at the appropriate time you will naturally fall in the habit of action.

3. Stay enthusiastic

Don’t accomplish your goal with drudgery. If you do, you will most likely not set any more goals. Instead, attack your goals with enthusiasm and unbridled abandoned. Because it is that very action that is instilling in you the success attribute of positive goalsetting, one of the strongest behavior modifiers human kind has ever known.

4. At the end of the week analyze your results

What behaviors did you modify to accomplish your goals? What rationalizations did you hold dear that perhaps kept you from accomplishing your goals? Be honest with yourself! Add more of what you should, and delete that which was not helpful.

5. Celebrate your victories

Each small goal is an accomplishment. Each one is a celebration of your successes. While I’m not suggesting a two-week Caribbean cruise for cleaning out your closet, perhaps a pizza for dinner instead of cooking might be in order.

So, there you have it. The idea that all goals do not have to be gigantic, and that small goals are just as important. Success has been defined as the progressive, realization, of worthwhile, predetermined, personal goals. That means that success is based on goal setting and that success is a habit.

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Life

Why the Primal Necessity of Showing the Real You Leads to Success

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In today’s society, where conformity has become the norm, it has become tough to find real people. In our efforts to fit in we dress, behave, and eat the same as everyone else, forgetting our individuality is what makes us remarkable. Of course, acting in a certain way makes you fit in with particular crowds.

But why would you want to be the same as everyone else when you can stand out by being unapologetically real? Research indicates that people who show their authentic selves are more successful than those who try to fit in with the crowd. Read on to find out why the primal necessity of showing a real you leads to success.

Accept yourself as you are

In recent times, authentic people are the minority, but, fortunately, more people are learning the benefits of remaining unique and going against the norm. You have a purpose that nobody who has ever lived or who will ever live doesn’t have. Being unapologetically real leads you to discover your purpose. Until you conclude peace with yourself and let yourself be yourself, you, most likely can’t build a strong relationship with somebody who you like.

You are confident

Being confident is not easy, and the best place to develop and improve it is by starting at the source, you. Being yourself makes you a unique person. You can identify your strengths as well as weaknesses, which enables you to have higher self-esteem. Your weaknesses can no longer be used against you because you have already accepted them. You can stick up for your beliefs without caring what anyone will think of you.

Confidence in your true abilities pushes you to take risks that a person who is used to conforming to societal standards would not. Furthermore, confidence attracts confidence. A confident, authentic person draws people who have the same qualities which gets you a supportive group of friends.

“Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.” – Brene Brown

You have an open mind/passionate

One of the best benefits of being the real you is that you have an open mind. You accept that you can’t have control over your thoughts all the time and hence are more open to ideas. The beliefs of others don’t confine you, and you accept that you are not all-knowing. You pile up ideas on ways to approach different situations hence strengthening yourself. By having an open mind, you know that mistakes happen and that there is the possibility of failure. You use your mistakes as an opportunity to learn other people’s perspectives and make yourself better.

You live in the moment

Tomorrow is not promised. Why would you take for granted this gift of life by wasting it trying to be someone you are not? The best time to be the real you is now. When a person decides to live in the moment, their lives become happier and more satisfied. Enjoying every little time you have now makes you more present-minded. Instead of spending your time regretting or worrying about your past or what the future may bring, why don’t you simply enjoy the present you have?

We sometimes make the mistake of having expectations on ourselves that are too high to achieve leading to disappointments. Many people give up when things don’t work out the way they would like. Maybe you have been waiting for that promotion for a year now, but it doesn’t seem to be happening. Accept your reality and keep working hard towards your goal trusting that it will happen eventually.

You are authentic

As it is about art portraits ‘be an original.’ An original is worth more than a fake. Although there is no easy road to success, you can make your journey easier by being authentic. Authenticity means that your decisions are not affected by pressures from outside influences. It means going against the norms and standing for your beliefs. Genuine people become successful. Decision making becomes a bit easier because you are better able to say no to things you don’t support.

You trust your instincts more and can differentiate between honest people and those that are not. When building a business, you definitely don’t want to be surrounded by people who are dishonest with you. People will trust the quality of your work. People who don’t feel the need to make excuses for their mistakes are admirable.

“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” – Aristotle

You don’t owe anyone anything

Do you often feel the need to explain your actions to people? Or are you one of those who apologize for everything? It is about time you stop doing that. You don’t owe anyone anything. Be unapologetically yourself, you will be happier. Why should you apologize for being you? We usually ask for so little for ourselves forgetting that we deserve all the love, kindness and care that we give to others.

When you embrace that and love the reflection you see in the mirror, you become more confident and can go for your goals knowing you deserve it. You hear people say things like, ‘I owe my boss a lot for giving me this promotion,’ or ‘I owe my spouse a lot for sticking with me’. Don’t mistake gratitude for debt. If you worked for it, you deserved it. You don’t owe anything to anyone except yourself.

You remember how to dream

Living your life as someone you aren’t can be very stressful and might even feel like a battle you have to fight every day. Your thoughts become constrained to a particular way of thinking. However, once you embrace the real you, life becomes a bit easier. You are less stressed, and you can be creative and passionate about dreams you have been locking away.

Can you imagine just how happy you’d be if you lived your life doing what you love? Why would you want to live in this world fulfilling other people’s dreams and putting yours on hold? You were born to shine. You will be doing an injustice to the world by hiding that light.

It is both mentally and physically exhausting going about every day of your life pretending to be something you aren’t. Walk in your own shoes that fit instead of walking in someone else’s that may be too small for you. If you can’t be yourself who else can you be?

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