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5 Life Lessons That Will Accelerate You Through Your Early 20s



lessons you will learn in your twenties
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For many people, living life in their early 20s is like walking through a maze at night time. You’re constantly unsure of which direction you need to take and are blinded by the dark notion that uncertainty will play a large part in your journey. Additionally, you’ll likely feel lost at some point along the way. Often we are swayed by schools, the media, our peers, and societal norms to take a pre-disposed route and this can leave you unfulfilled by the time you hit your mid 20s.

Falling into debt, poor relationships and bad health are not uncommon during the first quarter century of your life. However, this doesn’t have to be your story. You can create your own narrative, build yourself a foundation for winning and become a force to be reckoned with going into your late 20s if you take a few actionable steps towards success.

Here are 5 life lessons that will supercharge you through your early 20s:

1. Get on top of your fitness

Eating healthy and challenging yourself physically will improve numerous areas of your life. Being fit makes you feel good, and when you feel good about yourself, you become a better person to be around. This has a positive effect on your relationships, work, and social life along with giving you momentum going forward.

Lifting regularly in the gym also builds your physical appearance. As shallow as it may seem, you are judged on how you look and present yourself. Set a good first impression by looking the part and this will pay dividends in job interviews, social situations, and your personal life. 

If anything, fitness is the gateway drug to self-improvement. If you struggle with stress, anxiety, and are prone to depression, lifting something heavy or going for a hard run is the hit you need to get you back into a better headspace and onto the winning path in your early 20s.

2. Learn to be financially competent

Money isn’t everything, but being broke is never fun. Whilst it is very unlikely that you will be at your monetary peak in your early 20s, it’s vital that you learn how to understand basic financial literacy and begin to become financially independent. 

A good rule of thumb is to save 20% of everything you earn. For instance, if your take home monthly pay is around $2,000, try saving at least $300-400. This accumulated over 5 years could be a house deposit, investment into a business, or freedom to move abroad. 

Another smart thing to do is create a side hustle. If you work a full-time job, use your weekends and evenings to build a passion project or business that generates you an extra form of income. This can pay for your holidays, drinks with friends, and may even turn into your full-time gig. Whatever your goals may be, having money in the bank and multiple revenue streams gives you choices and options going into your 30s.

“It’s not how much money you make, but how much money you keep, how hard it works for you, and how many generations you keep it for.”- Robert Kiyosaki

3. Build your network and social skills

How many times have you heard someone say “I made friends with X and they knew someone who helped me do Y.” Being personable, likeable and charismatic are the foundations to building your biggest asset – your network. The social skills you acquire to obtain your network will likely get your further in life than your technical ability.

The people you surround yourself with will also have the highest impact on your trajectory. People often say that you’re the average of the 5 friends you spend the most time around, and it’s true. If you hang around with industrious and hard-working people, you’re likely to be industrious and hard-working. If you hang around lazy and unenthusiastic people… well, you know how that turns out.

Invest time during your early 20s into your relationships and meet a wide array of people who are actively working on themselves. Their energy will be contagious and may even be your ticket to the next life-changing job, business opportunity, or relationship.

4. Your issues are your responsibility

One of the coldest lessons you learn in life is that nobody is coming to save you. The issues you carry from childhood and the past traumas you faced may not be your fault, but it is ultimately your responsibility to solve them. Almost all of the meaning that you need to get you through the hard times of life is going to be the direct consequence of adopting responsibility. 

Take ownership of your problems. This will make you feel competent and give you a sense of urgency that causes you to move through reality with more confidence and intensity. When you fulfil your obligations today, you don’t have to worry as much about what tomorrow holds. This extreme accountability will set you apart from your peers and move you into maturity much quicker.

“You only have control over three things in your life – the thoughts you think, the images you visualize, and the actions your take.” – Jack Canfield

5. Work is important but so is fun

There’s an undeniable urge for us to seek pleasure and fun as young people. Many self-help ‘gurus’ will tell you that the grind is the only way to get ahead. The issue with this mindset is that just staying on the grind will turn you into an emotionless and insufferable robot that is only useful for hitting company KPIs and being operationally efficient. This is in no way a noble or a sustainable way to live.

A large part of your fulfilment will come from dabbling in some hedonism and instant gratification from time-to-time. It’s important for your development to travel and be open-minded

Both work and fun are important in becoming fully rounded and curating a person that will be successful moving into their second quarter century. Apply yourself daily but don’t forget to smell the roses!

What’s the biggest lesson you learned in your 20’s? If you’re still in your 20’s, what’s the biggest lesson you’ve learned so far? Share your lessons below!

Oliver Anwar is a qualified nutrition coach, health consultant and business owner that helps busy entrepreneurs, founders and professionals become fitter, healthier and more productive. During his teens, he spent most of his time playing elite football in the UK before moving into personal training and online coaching in his early 20s. Since then, he has worked with some famous YouTubers and consults with companies such as WeWork to help give busy people actionable, practical and tangible ways to optimise their health, fitness and mindset for greater performance and fulfilment in life. Find him at and on LinkedIn.

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5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma



Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.


Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:


1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.


2. Persistent Pain

Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.

4. A strong need for control

It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
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