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3 Ways To Let Go Of Envy And Be Comfortable With Your Own Path

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I have a confession to make. When I see someone else achieving one of my dreams, my stomach drops. I squint my eyes and frown, crossing my arms. With a big sigh, I lay back in my chair and start feeling bad about myself.

Seeing others thriving in your vocation while you’re still struggling can be tough and discouraging. You start to wonder why you’re so behind in the game, and start to think thoughts like, “Am I really good enough to do this? It’s already been done so well by others; what new value could I possibly bring?”

Good news: There is plenty of room for you to succeed in your own way, using your own unique talents. You just have to do a simple mindset switch, and start thinking of your successful peers as tools to further your learning.

Here are 3 tips to help you overcome jealousy and comparison to others, and to help you start accepting and honoring your personal journey:

1. Make peace with your current situation

What has brought you to this place in life? There may not be any good excuses for not accomplishing goals but there are reasons for where you’re at. Life is tough, and it takes time to both learn what we are passionate about, and how we can turn our passion into cash flow.

I drifted through college, doing mediocre work and naively believing things would just fall into place after graduation. When reality set in and I was left with thousands of dollars of debt and no job, I felt lost. It took me several years of awful, meaningless jobs until I finally learned that success takes very hard work, and that I would never be “discovered” or have anything handed to me.

You need to forgive yourself for whatever has held you back up to this point, stop beating yourself up for past failures and start thinking, “How can I move forward now?”

“Peace cannot be kept by force; it can only be achieved by understanding.”– Albert Einstein 

2. Realize success takes time

This can be the most difficult step: becoming comfortable with moving slowly but surely, and realizing you are not going to become successful overnight. Success is a reflection of hard work over the long term, and it’s easy to get discouraged when you don’t see results immediately.

I once came across a very talented blogger that had started generating significant income in just a few short months, all while juggling a full-time job and 2 young children. Her success made me feel inadequate, since I had quit my job to stay home with my children a year ago, and hadn’t made much writing income yet.

I felt a strong need to prove myself immediately, and that same night I rushed out to the coffee shop with my laptop to feverishly work on my writing. Instead of being relaxed and productive, I had anxiety and writer’s block. I realized it was because I was forcing myself to write because I felt bad about myself, not because I was genuinely inspired. Keep your ego in check, and move at the pace that works best for you.

 

3. Engage with the people you envy

No matter where you’re at in your journey, you need other people who can show you the way. While rising to their enviable level of success, they’ve inevitably persevered through countless failures—all of which you can learn from. Acknowledge that they deserve their success, then ask yourself, what can I learn from them? Soak in all what they have to offer, and then take it a step further and reach out to them.

When I come across a blogger I admire, I shoot them a quick email thanking them for inspiring me and then asking a couple short, thoughtful questions about how they got to where they are. They are usually thrilled to receive the compliment, and more than happy to share a little wisdom.

Emulating and learning from successful people will help you tremendously in your own journey, but don’t get caught up in comparing yourself to them. Everyone has different skills and life experiences, and your path will never match perfectly with someone else’s.

“Envy blinds men and makes it impossible for them to think clearly.” – Malcolm X 

Maybe what you dream of doing has been done before, but not with your personal style and unique perspective. There is plenty of room for you in the game, so allow yourself to let go of jealousy and be inspired by others. After all, there was a point in their lives when they were exactly where you are.

When are you going to let go of envy? Please leave your thoughts in the comment section below! 

Ivy Shelden is a freelance writer and the founder of The World Is Yours, a blog dedicated to helping people get in touch with free will and the power to create their own lives.

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5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

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Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.

 

Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:

 

1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.

 

2. Persistent Pain

 
Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
 
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.
 
 

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

 
Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
 
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
 
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
 
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.
 

4. A strong need for control

 
It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
 
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
 
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.
 
 

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

 
Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
 
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.
 
 

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

 
Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
 
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.
 

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

 
 
If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to awebliss.com and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
 
 
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