Connect with us

Life

3 Reasons You Need to Stop Seeking Validation From Others

Published

on

seeking validation

You’ve been in this situation before. Someone in your circle has come to you with an idea. They explain it in full detail and have heaps of enthusiasm about it. During their pitch you start to feel less than impressed about the idea. When their pitch finally comes to a close they ask for your opinion. Rather than expressing your true thoughts, you reply with “It’s great” in an attempt to not hurt anyone’s feelings. Congratulations on your validation seeking behavior!

Oh did you think the person asking for your opinion was seeking validation? It’s possible that they wanted some level of validation. It could be that they greatly lookup to you, and value your opinion

You on the other hand jumped to the next level of validation seeking. Instead of telling the truth you softened your stance and told a lie. You didn’t want to let the other person down. What if you hurt their feelings? I get it. You would rather lie, gain approval and feel bad for yourself. I’ve been there and done that.

There are many scenarios that constitute validation seeking behavior. Softening your stance is just one example.

Here are three reasons why you need to stop seeking validation now:

1.You appear insecure

Those that seek validation are afraid to state their opinions. They become a human rug for those they engage in through personal or business relationships. This level of insecurity is palpable to anyone that spends five minutes with a validation seeker. Insecurity is seen as weakness and this will immediately push you into the subordinate role in any social interaction.

“It’s insecurity that is always chasing you and standing in the way of your dreams.” – Vin Diesel

2. It makes you look needy

“Did you notice my new haircut?” You’ve heard that from a friend, family member, or coworker at some point in your life. While you may have noticed the change, you didn’t feel compelled to mention it. Assuming you respond with “Yes I did”, you can always expect the validation seeker to expect more. They will often smile, look you in the eyes and say “Do you like it?” as they wait for a compliment.

Don’t be this person. Stop seeking validation on every little change you make in your life. There are going to be many times where you slip by unnoticed by people. Get used to it. Even the famous go through periods of time where they vanish from the spotlight. You can spot the “needy” ones from a mile away with their publicity stunts, sudden shifts to non-conforming behavior and spreading gossip about others.

 

3. Validation seeking limits your self growth

There is only one person in the world that you need validation from. Look in the mirror and have a heart to heart conversation with them. They know you better than you think.

When you seek external validation it devalues your opinion. It causes you to conform to others and not walk the path that you are destined to pave. Eventually the unique life form that you are will slowly fade into oblivion.

When you eradicate validation seeking behavior from your life you will change for the better. Your schedule will begin to clear up. Your social circle will include people that challenge your opinion. They may have completely opposing beliefs from you, yet have a deep sense of appreciation for your authenticity. Most importantly you will feel joy knowing that you require validation from no-one but yourself.

“What the superior man seeks is in himself; what the small man seeks is in others” – Confucius

What has helped you stop seeking validation from others? Please leave your thoughts in the comment section below!

Keith Croxford is an entrepreneur, telecommunications engineer, writer and content producer. He sees the world of social dynamics much like that of a program. We all have the opportunity to change the variables, “debug the code” and cause exceptions to break out of internal processing loops. You can learn more at www.keithcroxford.com.

Life

4 Lies You Keep Telling Yourself When You’re Afraid to Do Something

Published

on

lies you tell yourself
Image Credit: Twenty20.com

When’s the last time you let fear get the better of you? Whether we want to admit it or not, fear keeps us from doing a lot of the things we know we really should do to achieve our goals. Fear is especially detrimental to entrepreneurs (read ‘wantrepreneurs’) that want to launch their first big project. (more…)

Continue Reading

Life

Tips, Tools, and Techniques to Create Your Curiosity

Published

on

Image Credit: Unsplash

Curiosity is a great characteristic that people rarely sustain in their lifetimes. Some people struggle to sustain curiosity because of their internal and external challenges. They cannot encourage curiosity to come to the fore as they condition their mindsets with their learning, experience, and environment. However, there are very few individuals who sustain their curiosity levels throughout their lives to excel as extraordinary achievers.  (more…)

Continue Reading

Life

5 Life Tips You Didn’t Know You Needed to Hear

Published

on

Image Credit: Unsplash

Life is a battleground, we need to keep fighting until our appointed time on earth comes. So, in this post, you will see the best of the best life tips you have never heard before. These tips are life-changing and can change you immediately. Let’s go!

1. Be independent 

Hundreds of millions of people make this mistake. We depend on people like us. “he will get it done for me, she will get it done for me”. You rely heavily on people and guess what, you are making a big mistake. 

There are a lot of people that have helped others and perhaps time changes for them, they become poor and rely on the people they have helped, guess what comes out at the end of this reliance? Disappointment, promises backed by failures, etc. 

Who are you depending on? Who is that person you can’t do without when getting things in your life done? If there is anyone, you are making a big mistake. And starting today, all you have to do is add a prefix – what if!

What if my friend stops helping me, what if I get disappointed by people I trust with my life, what if they neglect me and turn me down”.

A man or woman that depends on people like him is equal to a feeble pillar holding the four corners of a house. What happens when the feeble pillar falls? The man’s house falls down super-flat. Your trust should only be in Jesus. Man can fail us at any time but God is always faithful till his Kingdom comes. 

2. Love your neighbor as yourself 

The gravity of this word is enough to shatter the whole earth into pieces. 

Only if the whole world just kept this simple commandment Christ Jesus gave then, there will be no murders, poverty, greediness, anger, envy, betrayal, disappointment, etc. 

Why are there such things in the world? Because we hate ourselves. As long as you are fine all is well. You care about yourself only, selfish, you have and yet you cannot give. 

Those are the characteristics of over 90% of the 7.6 billion humans on earth. Why can’t you do to others what you would have them do to you? Why can’t you help that suffering neighbor who needs food? Then, a lot of people will say 

“Go away from here beggar, what did you do with your youth, I can’t give you a dime, beggar”. Why are we so cruel? This is the best tip you must dear to your heart. 

No matter what you have, no matter how little or in whatever way you can help. Help people, show them love, love them as you love yourself. Don’t forget this, today’s beggar, uneducated, debtor, poor person, etc can later become the greatest person in the world tomorrow. 

“Don’t settle for what life gives you; make life better and build something.” — Ashton Kutcher

3. Have a growth mindset

A growth mindset is what makes one successful and go far in life. However, a fixed and stagnated mindset throws one into jeopardy of life.

A lot of people have a fixed mindset, what they believe is what they believe, nothing you say on earth can change their mindset, they are the most educated in the world so they don’t need to learn any further. Did you have a fixed or growth mindset?

A growth mindset leads to success, achievements, happiness, learning more, and becoming better. On the other hand, a fixed mindset leads to complacency, pride, lack of achievement, ignorance, the stagnancy of the mind, etc. 

Let’s see an example of someone with a fixed mindset:

Cait tells Alice: Alice stop being so proud it’s annoying. 

And Alice responds:

“How dare you say I am proud, I am not. I am the most humble woman on earth”. In the example, Alice with a fixed mindset has a fixed mindset. However, what she does not know is that she is in the darkness of her ignorance. She is ignorant of the fact that she is a proud person thus, she can’t see it. 

People with a fixed mindset are ignorant. You must never have a fixed mindset. Always be willing to learn and to grow with humility. Pride can take you nowhere. 

4. Forgive everyone and give as many second chances as you can  

A lot of people have done all they could to be happy and have peace. But, they find out that happiness is not just there and that peace of mind is absent. 

Why is that? It is because you have a lot of grudge against people that have offended you. Yes, we know, it pained you to your heart, and what next? Keep malice? But, do you know what that unforgiveness does to you?

I call it the seed of unforgiveness because it plants a seed in your heart and this seed further grows to become hatred, depression, lack of freedom, zero peace, etc. 

If in only one person’s heart are all these things, then a person like that can never know peace and happiness. For example, if you were to go to a party with your friends and you hear that perhaps the other friend that you keep malice with is coming to the same party. 

Naturally, the only thing you would think of is not going to the party anymore because you want to avoid the person at all costs. And what does that add to you? It doesn’t add instead, it subtracts from your life because you could have gone to the party, had fun, and even have new friends or even new opportunities.

If not for anything will you forgive people, forgive them for the sake of God, for the sake of Christ Jesus. Because if you cannot forget the trespass of people, don’t expect God to forgive you. Forgive everyone, give them as many second chances as possible. 

Mind you, they can still mess up and make terrible mistakes all you have to do is keep forgiving them. This may not be so easy to the flesh. However, it is only The Spirit of God that can make you forgive the trespass of people. Without The Holy Spirit, it is impossible to do so. 

5. Love God

Do you love God? Are you a child of God? Do you believe in Christ Jesus? Even if the rest of the tips on these lists do not resonate with you, I want you to hold this very important to your heart which is to Love God with all your heart, soul, and strength.

And you can do that only by being a child of God. This life is too short. It is like a vapor, it is nothing. Life is more like an empty barrel that makes noise. You will grow old, your strength will leave you and you will die but, what happens after that? Where are you going to spend the rest of your eternity? 

Continue Reading

Life

Explore Stoicism to Lead Your Life With Purpose and Meaning

Published

on

Image Credit: Unsplash

With the advent of technology and the Fourth Industrial Revolution (FIR), there is increased volatility, uncertainty, complexity, and ambiguity globally. People find it challenging to predict where the technology will take them to the next level. They are excited with the innumerable advantages arising from automation and artificial intelligence but they are equally concerned about the threats arising out of them. Precisely, humans are caught between peace and prosperity. (more…)

Continue Reading

Trending