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3 Reasons You Need to Stop Seeking Validation From Others

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You’ve been in this situation before. Someone in your circle has come to you with an idea. They explain it in full detail and have heaps of enthusiasm about it. During their pitch you start to feel less than impressed about the idea. When their pitch finally comes to a close they ask for your opinion. Rather than expressing your true thoughts, you reply with “It’s great” in an attempt to not hurt anyone’s feelings. Congratulations on your validation seeking behavior!

Oh did you think the person asking for your opinion was seeking validation? It’s possible that they wanted some level of validation. It could be that they greatly lookup to you, and value your opinion

You on the other hand jumped to the next level of validation seeking. Instead of telling the truth you softened your stance and told a lie. You didn’t want to let the other person down. What if you hurt their feelings? I get it. You would rather lie, gain approval and feel bad for yourself. I’ve been there and done that.

There are many scenarios that constitute validation seeking behavior. Softening your stance is just one example.

Here are three reasons why you need to stop seeking validation now:

1.You appear insecure

Those that seek validation are afraid to state their opinions. They become a human rug for those they engage in through personal or business relationships. This level of insecurity is palpable to anyone that spends five minutes with a validation seeker. Insecurity is seen as weakness and this will immediately push you into the subordinate role in any social interaction.

“It’s insecurity that is always chasing you and standing in the way of your dreams.” – Vin Diesel

2. It makes you look needy

“Did you notice my new haircut?” You’ve heard that from a friend, family member, or coworker at some point in your life. While you may have noticed the change, you didn’t feel compelled to mention it. Assuming you respond with “Yes I did”, you can always expect the validation seeker to expect more. They will often smile, look you in the eyes and say “Do you like it?” as they wait for a compliment.

Don’t be this person. Stop seeking validation on every little change you make in your life. There are going to be many times where you slip by unnoticed by people. Get used to it. Even the famous go through periods of time where they vanish from the spotlight. You can spot the “needy” ones from a mile away with their publicity stunts, sudden shifts to non-conforming behavior and spreading gossip about others.

 

3. Validation seeking limits your self growth

There is only one person in the world that you need validation from. Look in the mirror and have a heart to heart conversation with them. They know you better than you think.

When you seek external validation it devalues your opinion. It causes you to conform to others and not walk the path that you are destined to pave. Eventually the unique life form that you are will slowly fade into oblivion.

When you eradicate validation seeking behavior from your life you will change for the better. Your schedule will begin to clear up. Your social circle will include people that challenge your opinion. They may have completely opposing beliefs from you, yet have a deep sense of appreciation for your authenticity. Most importantly you will feel joy knowing that you require validation from no-one but yourself.

“What the superior man seeks is in himself; what the small man seeks is in others” – Confucius

What has helped you stop seeking validation from others? Please leave your thoughts in the comment section below!

Keith Croxford is an entrepreneur, telecommunications engineer, writer and content producer. He sees the world of social dynamics much like that of a program. We all have the opportunity to change the variables, “debug the code” and cause exceptions to break out of internal processing loops. You can learn more at www.keithcroxford.com.

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A Simple but Effective Technique to Be More Confident

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Many people want to learn how to be confident in different situations, but it’s not always easy. Maybe we’re too addicted to comparing ourselves or maybe social media has brainwashed us to believe that we should all be rich, famous, and in incredible shape. (more…)

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Knowing Your Message vs Delivering Your Message

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Have you ever sent a text message only to have it misinterpreted by the person reading it? Happens all the time. Have you ever given a presentation that you were totally prepared for only to have it fall flat? Happens all the time. Have you ever had someone ask you something like, “Why are you mad?” when you were not at all mad? Happens all the time. (more…)

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The 3 Most Important Things I Learned About Personal Growth

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When you look back on your life, what do you want to think about? Do you plan to reminisce on all of the good things that have happened and how they shaped who you are today? Or would you rather remember all of the bad decisions, challenging experiences, and mistakes made that hurt or wasted a portion of your life?

In my opinion, I think it is important to reflect on both. While it’s important to remember the hardships we’ve been through in our lives – without them we wouldn’t be where we are now. There are 3 very specific areas that I feel have helped me grow in a personal sense more than anything else in my life so far. 

These aren’t simple lessons in a book or a lecture that you can just absorb and apply to your life. These are things that I’ve learned through experience and reflection, and I’m still learning and growing today.

1. We determine how much we’re worth by what we think about ourselves, others, and life in general.

This might seem like a pretty obvious lesson in life but it’s actually one of the most important because we can determine our own worth by how we think about ourselves and the world around us. If you’re looking for success in any kind of business or social setting (dating), then I’ll tell you right now that it doesn’t matter if you have 10 billion dollars or not – people are still going to judge you based on your thoughts and beliefs alone.

What determines our value isn’t necessarily what we do with our lives (which is often based on luck) but whether or not we believe that ‘our work’ is worthy or not in some sort of grand scheme or universe. We may not always be able to control what happens in our lives, but we can always control how we value ourselves and others.

“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” – Maya Angelou

2. You don’t have to change your habits or personality just because someone else doesn’t like it – their opinions are THEIRS alone.

This is another one of those lessons that people tend to pick up on a little bit late in life, but if anything that makes its importance even worse! Basically, there’s going to come a time when you’re going to meet someone who has certain expectations of you as a person…but these expectations might not be realistic due to their motivations and personal beliefs. For example, sometimes parents might expect you to be a lawyer or doctor because that’s what they believe is best for their child.

However, this isn’t the case for everyone and so maybe your passion lies in music or writing novels. In this example, if you were also pressured into becoming a doctor – then there would obviously be some kind of conflict going on within yourself as a person. You should never have to give up something that you want to do just because someone else doesn’t like it! The reason why we’re put onto this Earth is to make our own choices and go after our OWN dreams instead of letting others determine what we can and cannot do with our lives .

3. You can’t change your life until you accept that you need to make a change.

When I was younger, I thought that this lesson would be pretty obvious – but as I got older, it really made me appreciate the fact that there are always different ways of perceiving our lives. For example, if someone wants to become rich and famous one day – their mind might simply overshadow any other possibility in their head because they feel like this is what they NEED to do right now.

However, this isn’t always true within our own lives because we think about things too literally instead of having an open mind. If you want to achieve success in any kind of business or social setting (dating) then you should be willing to try out different things instead of staying in your comfort zone. If you want something, then it’s up to YOU to actually go after it – nobody else is going to give it to you!

The three lessons above are some of the main things I want to pass on to everyone because they’ve come at an important time in my life where I need to start thinking about others instead of only myself. It’s great if we can learn to love ourselves first before anything else, but that doesn’t mean you should neglect everyone around you even though they might be your friends and family members!

If you enjoyed this article on the 3 most important things I learned about personal growth, then please share it with your friends and family! Also, check out my other articles on success & motivation as well as life lessons that could help people who are struggling with their life right now on lifengoal.com. Thanks for reading!

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​​4 Boss Level Growth Strategies That Create an Optimized Life

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Building a business is about more than sales, marketing, and flexing on social media. While those things tend to draw attention, they attract the wrong type of clients and are not how you build a sustainable and freedom-focused business. (more…)

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