Life
3 Decision-Making Mistakes You Should Avoid

A moment of poor judgment can lead to a lifetime of regret. And who hasn’t made a few undeniably bad decisions? Poor decisions, especially in our youth, seem to be part of the deal.
Yet, some of us march right into adulthood without learning more effective decision-making skills.
In our NLP practitioner course, we routinely ask students to analyze their bad decisions and decipher the pattern behind them.
We train around 350 students every year, so we’ve had lots of opportunities to discover common patterns. Here are three decision-making mistakes that you simply must avoid if you want to make solid decisions.
1. Impulsivity
See it. Buy it!
Feels good? Do it!
She says jump. How high?
Impulsive decisions aren’t inherently bad. You can order lunch impulsively and if it turns out to be a bad decision, you’ll get through it.
Marrying someone impulsively, on the other hand, can be a disaster that haunts you forever. Amazingly, the decision to marry is one of the more common impulsive decisions that people report.
Decisions in general, are made through imagery, sounds, and feelings. We see options, discuss them internally (or with someone else) and feel positively or negatively about moving ahead.
Thorough decisions combine all three senses – seeing, hearing and feeling. Impulsive decisions always lack one of these elements. We don’t review all the options. We don’t discuss or we don’t search our feelings.
So, be thorough in your processing and DON’T make impulsive decisions when it counts!
“One of the most important things that I have learned in my 57 years is that life is all about choices. On every journey you take, you face choices. At every fork in the road, you make a choice. And it is those decisions that shape our lives.” – Mark DeWine
2. Allowing yourself to be persuaded against your better judgment
One lady reported that she came to a very solid decision about purchasing a new car. It looked nice (imagery), but after she drove the car (feeling) she realized that it was too big for her. She didn’t fit in the seats very well and was uncomfortable maneuvering the vehicle. She gave herself a good talking to (sounds) and decided to pass on the vehicle.
Then the salesman joined into her little discussion. An hour later she drove off the lot in her brand new car! Three years later, she has two years left on the loan and regrets the decision every time she gets behind the wheel.
Sometimes we allow the judgment of others to interfere with our own. This isn’t always a bad thing, but when the other has a selfish agenda, it usually is bad!
Don’t allow others with an agenda to hijack your good decisions.
“Sometimes it’s the smallest decisions that can change your life forever.” – Keri Russell
3. Cerebral spinning
Or analysis paralysis. In this case, you spin on your thoughts (the images and sounds flowing through your mind) without arriving at the feeling that prompts you to act one way or another.
Our students often describe cerebral spinning as form of inner conflict. On the one hand, this. On the other hand, that. Round and round we go!

How do you counter cerebral spinning? Here are three ideas (implement at your own risk):
- Assume that spinning on thoughts and remaining in conflict means ‘no’. Inner conflict is certainly not a yes. Consider your decision to be no and move on to other things.
- Put off your decision for a while. Allow your subconscious processes to do their job. Vow to avoid thinking about it until a certain date and then see where you’re at.
- Make an assessment of the risks involved in making the decision. What’s at stake? If there is a lot at stake, then pat yourself on the back for taking this decision so seriously. If there is little at stake, then take a small risk!
Imagine making solid, congruent and healthy decisions 99% of the time. What difference would it make in your success?
Life
Failing is More Important Than Succeeding
Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures.

People often consider failure a stigma. Society often doesn’t respect the people who failed and avoids and criticizes their actions. Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures. Not to have endeavored is worse than failing in life as at some stage of your life you regret not having tried in your life. (more…)
Life
5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.
Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.
Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.
Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.
However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.
Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:
1. Unconscious Sabotage
Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.
This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.
Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.
This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.
3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma
4. A strong need for control
5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained
What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?
There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:
- Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
- Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
- Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
- Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
- Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.
It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.
Life
3 Simple Steps to Cultivate Courage and Create a Life of Meaning
we cultivate meaning in our lives when we pursue our calling

Our deepest human desire is to cultivate meaning in our lives. Our deepest human need is to survive. (more…)
Life
Grit: The Key to Your Ultimate Greatness
Grit is an overlooked aspect of success, but it plays a critical role.

A grit mindset is an essential key to your greatness. It’s what separates those who achieve their goals from those who give up and never reach their potential. It’s also the difference between success and failure, happiness and misery. If you want to be great and achieve your dreams, then you need grit. Luckily, it’s something that can be learned. Please keep reading to learn more about grit and discover four ways to develop it. (more…)
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