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Why Your Dreams Are All You Got And You Can Never Give Up

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The most precious thing we have in our life is our dreams. Your dreams are unique to you, and no one has a dream that is exactly like yours in every way. Everything you think you have you don’t, nothing will last forever.

Your life can be summed up with two words: “Your Dream.” When all is said and done, whether you did or didn’t achieve your dream is the only measure of success there is. Every component of your life and everything you think about is indirectly related to your dream, so you better be damn sure you get some clarity on exactly what that dream is!

When you step on stage to sing or go to the gym to work on your fitness goal, you have to give every ounce of emotion and energy that you have. You have to picture in your mind every time that this is your last day on Earth and that it’s now or never to achieve your goal, and feel great in the moment about it.

The journey of your dream is really just the journey of your life. It’s going to be the hardest thing you ever try and achieve, and there are going to be times where it seems like your dream is not meant for you, and it’s all too hard.

If your life dream were easy, then we all would have achieved our ultimate purpose, and we would all be flocking to Hawaii to relax on the beach. To give up on your dream is to give up on life. To give up on life is to defy the reason you were given the opportunity to live in the first place.

Until you place your dream as the single most important thing in your life, you will always be wondering why you are unhappy and disappointed with your life.

Below are the six things you can expect when you chase your dreams:

 

1. When your life changes forever, you feel it

If your dream doesn’t make you consistently emotional every step of the way, and you don’t feel it, then there is something wrong. As your dream starts to go from a foggy haze to a crystal clear reality, your life changes forever, and you finally feel it.

This initial feeling is strange, and it will bring tears to your eyes. Grown men with huge muscles will cry like baby puppy dogs and the people around them will wonder what is going on. The forty-year-old boy has now become a man.

The tears are caused by the fact that your mind has now connected to the path of your dream. The emotion is caused because you now know what you must do, and the remainder of your life will be dedicated to this cause.

This shift in your life will cause everything else to be forgotten about, and all the other parts of your life will become secondary. When that phone call comes through asking you to go to the pub for a drink, you say no without even thinking about it. Nothing can replace the feeling you get from your dream once it is realised.

 

2. Your turn will come so be ready to take it

There is a point in everyone’s life when our turn comes. This turn is an opportunity for us to rise to our higher self. We have to compound all the years of preparation and emotion to this single moment and let it unleash in a short period.

You’ll know when your time comes, and everyone get’s at least one chance. You’ll need to show up with your game face on and have nothing else in your mind other than your dream. If you cease this moment and take your turn, then your life will never be the same because you will have turned the corner and taken the path of your dream forever.

 

3. The bigger the dream, the greater the reward

The dream you chase will never become a reality and give you what you are looking for if you don’t dream big! Dreams have an element of self-motivation, but that motivation will only be enough if the dream is of a sufficient size.

For example, if your goal is to be a singer, then your dream should be to become a worldwide superstar and for everyone to know you’re the best at singing. There is no point having a dream if you don’t have the belief to back it up and know that you can be world-class in your endeavor.

Seemingly large dreams usually attract enormous rewards for those who dare to think in this way. If you think about the opposite, small dreams by themselves deliver mediocre rewards and so you get left with a feeling of, is this all there is?

There is nothing wrong with small dreams but they need to form the basis for one massive overarching dream. I have a smaller dream of being good at public speaking, but it’s part of an overall dream to inspire millions of people worldwide through entrepreneurship and personal development.

Have a think about your own dreams and see if you have a big enough dream. If the result is you don’t, then it’s time to think about it long and hard, and come up with one.

“Everyone has a dream hiding inside of them, and only you can let it out and show the world”

 

4. Your dream becomes more than what people see

Let’s just say your dream is to be a singer. When people look at you, they think you are just singing, but the thing about dreams is it’s more than that. To everyone else, your dream looks like a hobby or some boring everyday activity, to you, it should be the only thing you wake up for.

What starts out as recreational singing becomes something you do more and more of. Then, one day, you are asked to sing somewhere. Before you know it, you’re being paid to do what you love, and you work even harder. Finally, at the point in which you have been able to link emotion to what you do, the tide turns, and an opportunity comes your way that you have always visualised.

The thing about this opportunity is that it doesn’t just come from nowhere; it comes from you following your dream and perfecting your craft. The opportunity that leads you to the greatest thing you will ever do in your life was earned by you. It’s not a fluke, and no one can ever take it away from you.

Forget what other people see your dream as, and concentrate only on visualising on what you see your dream looking like. In the end, you will be the captain of the ship sailing towards your dream – no one else.

Of course, what you do might be singing to some, and what they do may be a joke to you, just worry about your dream, and your struggle, cause your one pursuit will take every ounce of positive energy you have. You won’t have any extra energy to waste on anything else.

 

5. Stand tall and hold your head up

As you stand between the short gap of darkness of where you are right now and your dream, it will be scary. You will be very emotional, and people will think you have gone slightly nuts. When this moment comes your way – and it will – stand tall and hold your head up high.

Have the belief that everyone is supposed to find their dream including you. Know that this is your moment and no one can spoil it for you.

 

6. This dream is all you got

The last words I am going to say on this matter are that your dream is all you got. To illustrate this, I am going to tell you a story.

For years, I put my time into different endeavors and always gave up just before reaching success. I kept chasing the next so called dream and never planned a single day. I let life happen to me and didn’t believe in dreams.

I thought dreams were something that only special people got to achieve who were lucky or had the right surroundings. Later on, I figured out that the wrong surroundings are where all dreams worth talking about are made from.

The Djing DreamI busted my chops every day and put emotion into things that gave me nothing back. Whether it was drums, djing, music producing, or business; I always focused on what everyone else was doing. I had no idea that what I was seeing in other people’s dreams was only what they wanted me to see.

Everything looked so easy because I never saw the struggle. I never saw how much time these so called successful people who were achieving their dreams put in. I never saw the tears, the broken relationships, the alcohol-fuelled nights. It all just looked so easy for these high achievers.

I wondered to myself “why can’t I ever have my dream?” I was asking the wrong questions, and that’s why I was getting the wrong answers to my dreams. Through these different dreams, my mind became like a maze that had no exit.

My thoughts were busy, and I couldn’t see anything clearly. Through all of these experiences, I ultimately gave up on everything. I never achieved any of the dreams I thought I was destined for. As it turns out, without dreams, life looks pretty bleak.

That’s why your dreams are all you got my friends. Every second of every day should be spent chasing them no matter what. Just don’t do what I did and give up, or think there is something else in life other than your dreams – there isn’t.

“There is one rabbit hole you should fall down, and that is the one that contains your dream” – Tim Denning

Now is your time. Get some paper. Brainstorm your dreams. Reconfirm your dreams. Then, follow your dreams until you have no oxygen left in your lungs, and you’re on the way out through the gates of life as we know it. Look back, be proud, and know when this time comes, that your dreams were all you had, and you’re glad you followed them, and never gave up.

I would love to know, what is your dream? Let me know in the comments section below or on my website timdenning.net and my Facebook.

Tim is best known as a long-time contributor on Addicted2Success. Tim's content has been shared millions of times and he has written multiple viral posts all around personal development and entrepreneurship. You can connect with Tim through his website www.timdenning.net

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6 Comments

6 Comments

  1. Toño

    Jun 20, 2016 at 7:55 am

    I have a little story to tell you, Tim. The one that happened just an hour ago and I got the urge to share it with you.

    I was doing some stuff at my home, cleaning and preparing myself for a good day. For a brief moment I reached to my computer so to delete few files, just usual ‘ctrl-a-delete’ combination, and I did not notice I was doing it wrong. Just a few clicks, and all the files were deleted. The wrong one, as I misplaced the cursor and just deleted everything that been stored on my desktop. I like to keep files there in order to quick access them. So all my work for the past years, many important documents, notes, pictures, videos, all the links to websites, apps, quotes, pretty much everything important to me just gone in a few seconds. It was like a flash moment where you think I can undone something but no, you cannot. Deepest regret came immediatelly and I just started to cry uncontrollably (yep, you’re right, grown men cry, and cry hard). I felt miserable and just let emotion go and flow. I did that for about 5 minutes and then something happened. A switch. Time has come to make a choice to stop playing a victim and realize: whatever happens, happens for a reason. It is time to let it go. Accept it and let go. I asked myself, can I live without all those documents and notes I lost? Can I breathe freely and feel? Can I still enjoy my life, do things I love and appreciate what I really have? Can I sleep at nights, peacefully, without those pictures and videos? Can I make something bigger, more awesome and beautiful than that ? And the answer to all of those Qs was ‘Yes’. I stopped crying and the very first video I hit on youtube was titled ‘How conscious People React To Problems’ and there was a beautfiul girl dropping knowledge about the topic I was learning right at the very moment. It was fascinating.

    And now you may wonder why I’m rumbling here and how this story can relate to your article. Well, after I realized I have lost nothing and actually got the opportunity to free space in my life for a new awesome things I thought about this article. All we have is a dream and nothing will stay forever. The only permanent thing is change and you have to prepare yourself to it. I thought it may be a good comment to your article I have yet to respond. I like to think about what to share, rather than just comment ‘It was great article, thank you Tim’. No disrespect to people who does that though, but I like to take my time on things that matter. I know you invested time and energy to write that for us and I would like to give you back.

    Now, what happened to my files, actually, gave me a sign I am on my journey to discover myself. I won’t talk about it now so just not to give away just empty words, but once things will done I will update you on what I’m doing and preparing myself for. It’s gonna be funny summer I see (even though I think for you it’s winter now in Australia) and I will enjoy every minute of it, whether it sorrow or joy. Just accept and let it go.

    Thank you so very much for article, Tim, I enjoy these types the most and this one was just speaking to my soul and I can feel the great synchronicity. Much love and helth to you, my friend, have a wonderful Monday!

    • Tim Denning

      Jun 22, 2016 at 12:15 am

      Toño I really enjoyed your story. This same thing has happened to me and I took a similar approach to you. The files are gone but they were never permanent anyway unless you are going to live forever. Enjoy the free space and your summer. It’s freezing where I am but I love it because it allows me to stay at home and relax. Speak soon my friend.

  2. Dustin Miller

    Jun 10, 2016 at 6:54 pm

    The U.L.C. is my dream for the world. It was made for many goals and intentions. Some which are creating a place for philosophical and emotional growth. Bringing people together to improve our way of life.

    unitedlivingconstruct.wordpress.com

    • Tim Denning

      Jun 11, 2016 at 2:25 am

      Dustin I checked out your site and I love that you are a visionary. Keep doing what you do mate and your dream will come true. Thanks for reading my post. Much Respect 🙂

  3. Austine Nonso

    Jun 10, 2016 at 5:16 am

    Personality I believe is something that set persona apart from others, it makes a person unique and respected. Your post is really inspiring and I believe if all should work towards achieving great personality then they wont be any corruption in the world.

    • Tim Denning

      Jun 10, 2016 at 12:28 pm

      Austine thank you for your kind words. Personality is important and lucjily you can shape that to be whatever you want. If we concentrate on what we can do to make the world better and how we can give to others, we will foster al the right ingredients for a magnet-like personality. I still have a long way to go myself but with every day I do my best to become more. To be more.

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Success Advice

The Three P’s You Need to Master to Become a Better Leader

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Leadership
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I have been a fan and a student of Steve Jobs, Ray Kroc and Jack Welsh for many years. It is very valuable to find similar traits in these great leaders and aggregate them, basically come up with some common denominators of their leadership success. By doing so, we can then begin to reflect their great skills into our own leadership profile. My goal here is to give you some very quick and applicable tools to modify your behavior for greater leadership skills.

Here are the 3 P’s for you to develop greater leadership skills based upon my findings:

1. Passion

If there is one thing that I found in most leaders, it is passion. They love what they do, they love talking about what they do and they love getting others involved in what they do. Passion has different ways of emoting. Some people move very quickly on stage with arms flaying, voice pitching from a diminuendo to a crescendo with 100 giant television screens behind them.

Remember Steve Jobs when the iPhone was being introduced? I’ve seen other people standing behind the podium speaking from written notes but the emotional intensity in the room grew thick and reaching the level of static discharge. I’ve seen everything in between. There is an old saying that we have a leadership theory and that is, “if you think you’re leading and you turn around and no one is following, you’re just taking a walk!” It is passion that prevents that from happening.

“Don’t be afraid to give up the good to go for the great.” – John D. Rockefeller

You may be asking yourself how you can develop more passion in your life and in your leadership repertoire. The answer to that is fairly simple but the application can be somewhat deceptive in its apparent simplicity. If you wait to feel passionate before you act passionate, you’re allowing outside circumstance to control your emotions. However, if you begin to act passionate even if, by chance you don’t feel it, you will begin to. Thus, it is better for us to act our way into a new set of feelings than it is for us to feel our way into a new set of actions.

2. Planning

All leaders are planners; it’s a requirement of the job. By virtue of leading it means that you must be planning for the future. Planning can in fact be learned and is not that difficult of a process. If you want to become a better planner study chess. Notice I did not say play chess, although that will be the natural outcome of your studying. Study chess and notice how the minds of the great masters develop a strategy and implant tactics around that strategy. Chess is an amazing process to develop planning skills.

Another thing you can do is think about how you planned your last vacation, or even a weekend getaway. Think about the steps you took, the research you did based on those steps and their outcomes. Both the study of chess and personal planning will assist you in developing planning for your leadership skills.

3. Persistence

Leaders never give up! If there is something they want, they find a way around, over, or through the obstacle. Too many people never develop their full leadership birthright because of the mental script running through their minds saying, “It’s too tough for me. I Should just go home and get a good nights sleep.” Leaders know that the only possibility of failure is in giving up. If you fall down 10 times but get up on the 11th, you have not failed 10 times – you have succeeded. Period!

You may be wondering how to develop that no nonsense, I will not be denied attitude of persistence. The real question is not how do I develop persistence, but how do I develop the courage to go after what I want? Persistence is a by-product of courage! When there is something that should be yours, developing the impassioned desire to obtain that through raw courage will develop sheer persistence.

“There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure.” – Colin Powell

Maybe I should’ve included a 4th P with this article. That of POWER! The best thing I can say about power is that if you want a more powerful leadership dynamic, develop a repertoire that contains passion, planning and persistence. The three of them combined will be a powerful leadership punch that should lead you to getting what you want and assisting others in believing that they should follow you because there is great value in you leading them.

How do you define a leader? Comment below!

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Success Advice

The Secret Power of Storytelling That You Need to Know

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What does the power of storytelling mean to you? Do you visualize your mom or dad telling you a bedtime story, or do you think about an enjoyable summer read? Every single conversation that we have with an individual or group is us sharing a story about the past, present and future. If we have a product or service that we offer to others, we tell a story about it when we do a pitch or a presentation.

The reason why we tell stories is because we know the power of stories. We know how being able to tell a captivating story can affect and change the lives of the people for better or worse. Hitler used stories about the Jews in the 1930’s which caused Germany to rally the youth and the German people to go to war, and in England, the British Prime Minister Winston Churchill, used the power of stories to rally the British in a movement of never surrendering to the Germans.

Not everyone knows how to tell stories

Our abilities to tell captivating stories is one of the greatest assets we possess. However the problem is that not everyone has the skills to be a good storyteller, and the ability to be a good storyteller is critical in our success whether it’s in our personal or business life.

The power of storytelling goes way beyond just our everyday conversations, it goes far beyond simply giving facts and data. Stories emotionalize information. They bring life and depth to otherwise bland material, and they allow people to connect with the message in a deeper, more meaningful way.

Tony Robbins, the world famous motivational speaker and strategist interviewed Peter Guber, the Chairman and CEO of Mandalay Entertainment whose films has earned more than $3 billion and over 50 Academy Awards nomination. Guber stated “emotion combined with information becomes memorable and actionable.  Where were you on 9/11? Chances are that you can remember exactly where you were when you learned about the tragic events that transpired that day. But if you had to think where you were the day before that – that memory is probably hazier. Because information attached to pain or pleasure creates an emotional connection that resonates within you.”

He goes on to also say “Keeping in mind that a story is not a monologue, but a dialogue, helps you to give your audience proprietorship. They become emotional owners of the story you are telling. Then they become advtes –oca of your product, your service, your business, your brand.”

The power of storytelling can transform lives when useful and relevant information is combined with emotions. The next time you speak to another person regardless of the situation, remember you are being a storyteller, because you are in the process of transferring information to that person or group.

“Stories are a communal currency of humanity.” –Tahir Shah

Our most powerful tool

Our ability to communicate effectively is the most powerful tool we have, and when we strategically use our communication skills to transfer bland information into masterful stories we also have the power to transform lives.

If done correctly, our stories will have a massive effect on our listening audience. It will inspire and influence them. It will move them to act. So never underestimate the power of storytelling. Make it relevant–connect emotionally, create a dialogue, and you will see why the power of storytelling is the most powerful tool you have.

Don’t just take my word on for it, Look at some of the greatest leaders throughout history

You will see that they all had the ability to tell stories and bring people together through their words. The greatest motivational speakers in the world use the power of storytelling to emotionalize their audience, because there is no quicker or more effective way to get your audience engaged.

Les Brown who has been one of my mentors and one of the greatest motivational speakers that has ever lived, uses stories masterfully. He shares stories about his upbringing in Miami, and how he and his twin brother were adopted at birth and he is somehow able to transition those stories into whatever relevant topic needs to be heard by his audience, but he first draws them in with his stories.

“Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears.” – Les Brown

Jim Rohn, Zig Ziglar, Earl Nightingale, Tony Robbins, the list is endless, but one thing they all have in common is their ability to tell stories masterfully. Some of the greatest philosophers have told us that there is a blueprint for success, and obviously storytelling is part of that blue print.

There is no greater power that we possess than the ability to transform regular words into captivating stories that can take your audience on whatever journey you want to take them on.

Being a great storyteller is like being a puppet master, because when you can draw people in to your stories you will have your audience on a string taking them on any emotional roller coaster. The secret power of storytelling is to be treated with respect, because with great power comes great responsibility, and this power should only be used for good.

Do you enjoy storytelling? If so, do you have any techniques or advice to share? Let us know in the comments below!

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Success Advice

5 Signs You’re on the Right Path to Success

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Every successful person had his own moment(s) of doubt. The road to success is full of obstacles and sweet hardships that will frequently make you stop and ask, ‘Am I on the right track?’ Even legends and billionaires had moments like that. Just imagine how 62 year old Colonel Sanders felt when he was rejected time and time again trying to franchise his famous chicken recipe.

It felt harsh and I bet he stopped, at least for a moment, to question his entire existence, not just the success of his business idea. But I also bet that there were probably some signs that told Sanders —and any other successful person— ‘You`re going to make it, just hang in there.”

Here are the 5 signs that will tell you whether you`re going to be successful or not:

1. You’re good at the consistency game

I don`t like the fable of the Tortoise and the Hare, and I believe that a restless hare would smash them both, but there`s a reason why that slow tortoise crossed the finish line; It`s called consistency.

Success eventually favors the most consistent, and if you`re not disciplined with the things that make you successful, then your chances to succeed are slimmer than Marlon Brando`s chances of winning the lottery (Marlon Brando is dead, and one of every 175 million tickets wins the lotto).  

Systems and routines (i.e., consistency), predict success, so take a look at your habits. Are they positive? Do you practice them regularly? If the answer to both questions is “Yes,” then sooner or later you`re going to be successful.

“The road to success and the road to failure are almost exactly the same.” – Colin R. Davis

2. You stopped having a toxic relationship with money

Success is no longer a zero-sum game to you; opportunities are everywhere, and there`s room for everybody to make money, including you. When you check the news, the success of other people no longer makes you envious. A celebrity buying a new mansion or a $150 million contract for a LeBron or Federer-like athlete, doesn`t bother you but instead makes you believe there`s plenty of money out there for ambitious, hard-working people like you. When you switch from worrying about not having enough money to having faith that you will make the money you want, then you know you`re on the way to success.

3. You know the right people

Another sign is having a big social network. I read it somewhere that business owners prefer to hire those they know over those who are skilled. Sounds skewed, I know, but it helps a lot if you combine your technical skills with excellent people skills. To want success is more like wishing to enter a nightclub on a busy Friday night. If you know the bouncers or have enough skills to befriend them, you won`t stay long in the line. The same thing happens in business, the more people you know, the easier it will be to find the right job, get proper funding and save time waiting in the line.

Social skills will help you more than you can ever imagine. There`s a guy I used to work with, he`s not that good looking, but he`s the slickest I`ve ever seen. When that guy hit rock bottom, he dropped out of school, bought a one-way ticket to Dubai, became a real estate agent and made his first million before reaching 30. I`ve also read about Michael Bloomberg who used to come to work at six in the morning to distribute coffee and tea to CEOs who come to work early when others are sleeping. For $.99 each, Bloomberg befriended at least a dozen bigwigs who later helped him launch a billion dollar business after he quit Wall Street.

4. You know what makes you tick

The successful people are better than most people at understanding themselves and overcoming —to a greater extent—the five foundations of poverty: sleep, fear, anger, laziness, and procrastination. They have worked on themselves so deeply and have made so many mistakes that they now know their soft spots as well as what motivates them.

Do you know what makes you sad, angry or excited? Do you know when you`re more likely to cheat on a diet or skip a workout? What are your strengths? Can you motivate yourself at will? And how? Having answers to most or, preferably, all of these questions will help you tap into your full potential and sets you on the path to massive success.

“All progress takes place outside the comfort zone.” – Michael John Bobak

5. You have faith

Faith in the yet to be seen, is a huge sign of success. When you think about the future, there should be a positive energy around you that says “I`m gonna make it.” You may not know exactly when you`re going to succeed, but you`re sure it’s a matter of time. This faith, or certainty, comes from having a solid plan – It`s when you know your goal, how you`ll achieve it, and how you`re going to react if things go south and deciding to believe in the unknown

If you think about it, hard work doesn`t always come as the first cause of success. It`s the faith that you`ll achieve the goal that makes you work hard, and thus, achieve the goal. I was reading a book on Michael Jordan by Roland Lazenby —who also wrote Kobe Bryant`s biography— and it stopped me that part of Jordan`s extraordinary success goes to expectations.

He expected every single ball he shot to go in. Jordan used that mindset over and over and didn`t stop when one of his shots was missed. He merely understood that even though nobody wins all the time, believing you`ll win every single time makes you win most of the time, which is enough to get a career like his. The most prominent success sign is the certainty. To believe, and act, as if you`re going to succeed, and then let that belief lead manifest into actions.

What are some things you do to say on track? Comment below!

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Success Advice

Instead of Always Trying to Be Right, Do This Instead

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A colleague of mine was obnoxious, over eager, and completely out of line. Yet, all of this was overshadowed by the fact he was just plain wrong. If he were to go through with it, it would derail the company by at least 6 months. Yet, arguing with him when he was in this state was of no use. While hitting him over the head with the laptop seemed appealing for a second, it was probably not a great long-term strategy for the business or my laptop.

Galileo once said, “You cannot teach a man anything, you can only help him find it within himself.” This is especially true when it comes to emotionally charged matters and negotiations.

When you are right, you become attached to that idea. It’s so clear, how can they not see it? Yet, your meticulously clear logic might as well be written in braille as your focus intensifies on proving yourself right, instead of reaching an agreement.

Below are 3 ways you can step out of your emotions and help someone find the right answer when money and time are on the line:

1. Separate the Person From the Issue

Imagine if a four-year-old child was adamant about something. You wouldn’t try to reason logically for hours in such a case. When trying to speak through a person’s emotions, often you might have better luck with the four year old.

In order to break this barrier you must stop seeing them as the problem and see the issue at hand. Instead of seeing the other person as stupid or obnoxious, try viewing them as simply lost or misguided. The job now becomes not to prove them wrong, but to guide them to the truth. Adopting this mindset changes your entire approach as you get out of your own emotions and take control of the situation.

“Each of us guard a gate of change that can only be opened from the inside.” – Stephen Covey

2. Show Them A Mirror

Somewhere in between trying to hammer a point, both sides usually forget to listen. No matter the situation, you must make sure that person is never you. Instead, shift the focus from “me vs you” and make it completely about the other person. Really listen and validate their emotions, creating enough trust and safety to begin a real exchange. Make sure they feel heard and slow the conversation down. When you slow the process down, you also calm down.

Remember, it’s not what you say, but how you say it. About 93% of communication is nonverbal, thus maintaining your body language immediately provides an edge. A playful (not childlike or mocking) voice puts someone in a positive frame of mind, where they are more likely to collaborate and problem solve.

Always remember to repeat back the most important three words from their sentence and make them elaborate on whatever they said. The more a person is allowed to speak, the more they feel heard. The more they feel heard, the more open they are to receive new information.

3. Lead With Empathy, Not Sympathy

Taking the time to make sure the other side feels heard and understood does not mean you bend to their will. It does not mean you give up, agree, feel sorry for, or even compromise. Empathy is the ability to recognize another’s perspective and the vocalization of that recognition. This is the difference between empathy and sympathy.

When you can label a person’s emotions in an argument, you seize the chance to discover what is behind those feelings. As you begin to drill down, you gain leverage. This should be done very gracefully. Instead of saying, I think you’re angry and being stubborn, trying saying, It seems like you are feeling frustrated because you really care about this and wish it was moving along quicker.

“Sometimes all a person wants is an empathetic ear; all he or she needs is to talk it out. Just offering a listening ear and an understanding heart for his or her suffering can be a big comfort.” – Roy T. Bennett

Using labels, you mold their feelings into words, moving information from the emotional part of the brain to the rational. Whatever behavior a person may be presenting, there is always an underlying feeling triggering it. Your job is to make the person aware of that feeling. The faster you do this, the faster you eliminate the risk of a complete breakdown in communication.

After their emotions are labeled, asking how or why calibrated questions allow them to solve their problems for you. In order to do this effectively you don’t need to study every type of calibrated question there is, but rather adopt a specific mindset. You are not their opponent, but a guide, leading the lost to the truth. Your truth.

In my case, the presenting behavior of my colleague was an obnoxious know-it-all attitude. However, the underlying emotion was fear of falling behind. Once I was able to stop asking the question, “Why is he doing this to me?” and focus on looking deeper, the conversation took a turn. The conversation was no longer about my ideas versus his, but about him and his fear.

Instead of arguing with me, he spent the rest of the time, essentially, arguing with himself. After helping him dissect his fear in the rational part of the brain, he realized that many of the worst case scenarios were highly improbable and acting hasty might exacerbate things. Most importantly, at the end of the conversation, he said, “I think I made the right choice.”

He believed that the decision was entirely his. He never acknowledged the fact that I was right and announced to everyone the sudden spark of genius that hit him. Yet, at the end of the day you need to ask yourself what is more important to you; being right or doing whatever it takes to win.  

How do you handle conflict? Let us know your tips and advice in the comments below!

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Success Advice

The Three P’s You Need to Master to Become a Better Leader

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Leadership
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I have been a fan and a student of Steve Jobs, Ray Kroc and Jack Welsh for many years. It is very valuable to find similar traits in these great leaders and aggregate them, basically come up with some common denominators of their leadership success. By doing so, we can then begin to reflect their great skills into our own leadership profile. My goal here is to give you some very quick and applicable tools to modify your behavior for greater leadership skills. (more…)

Biagio Sciacca, known to his friends as Bill, was a lifelong resident of Pittston, PA. He is the owner of Intelligent Motivation, Inc. a global consulting and training firm specializing in management and leadership training as well as psychological assessment for hiring and staff development. He is the author of several books relating to goal setting, and his third book, Provocative Leadership, is publishing soon. Now residing in Tamarindo, Costa Rica, he divides his time between his international coaching and training clients, writing his next book and wandering aimlessly on the beach. Feel free to contact Bill at bill@intelligentmotivationinc.com or schedule a call with him by going to www.intelligentmotivationinc.com and clicking on the “set up a call” tab.

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6 Comments

6 Comments

  1. Toño

    Jun 20, 2016 at 7:55 am

    I have a little story to tell you, Tim. The one that happened just an hour ago and I got the urge to share it with you.

    I was doing some stuff at my home, cleaning and preparing myself for a good day. For a brief moment I reached to my computer so to delete few files, just usual ‘ctrl-a-delete’ combination, and I did not notice I was doing it wrong. Just a few clicks, and all the files were deleted. The wrong one, as I misplaced the cursor and just deleted everything that been stored on my desktop. I like to keep files there in order to quick access them. So all my work for the past years, many important documents, notes, pictures, videos, all the links to websites, apps, quotes, pretty much everything important to me just gone in a few seconds. It was like a flash moment where you think I can undone something but no, you cannot. Deepest regret came immediatelly and I just started to cry uncontrollably (yep, you’re right, grown men cry, and cry hard). I felt miserable and just let emotion go and flow. I did that for about 5 minutes and then something happened. A switch. Time has come to make a choice to stop playing a victim and realize: whatever happens, happens for a reason. It is time to let it go. Accept it and let go. I asked myself, can I live without all those documents and notes I lost? Can I breathe freely and feel? Can I still enjoy my life, do things I love and appreciate what I really have? Can I sleep at nights, peacefully, without those pictures and videos? Can I make something bigger, more awesome and beautiful than that ? And the answer to all of those Qs was ‘Yes’. I stopped crying and the very first video I hit on youtube was titled ‘How conscious People React To Problems’ and there was a beautfiul girl dropping knowledge about the topic I was learning right at the very moment. It was fascinating.

    And now you may wonder why I’m rumbling here and how this story can relate to your article. Well, after I realized I have lost nothing and actually got the opportunity to free space in my life for a new awesome things I thought about this article. All we have is a dream and nothing will stay forever. The only permanent thing is change and you have to prepare yourself to it. I thought it may be a good comment to your article I have yet to respond. I like to think about what to share, rather than just comment ‘It was great article, thank you Tim’. No disrespect to people who does that though, but I like to take my time on things that matter. I know you invested time and energy to write that for us and I would like to give you back.

    Now, what happened to my files, actually, gave me a sign I am on my journey to discover myself. I won’t talk about it now so just not to give away just empty words, but once things will done I will update you on what I’m doing and preparing myself for. It’s gonna be funny summer I see (even though I think for you it’s winter now in Australia) and I will enjoy every minute of it, whether it sorrow or joy. Just accept and let it go.

    Thank you so very much for article, Tim, I enjoy these types the most and this one was just speaking to my soul and I can feel the great synchronicity. Much love and helth to you, my friend, have a wonderful Monday!

    • Tim Denning

      Jun 22, 2016 at 12:15 am

      Toño I really enjoyed your story. This same thing has happened to me and I took a similar approach to you. The files are gone but they were never permanent anyway unless you are going to live forever. Enjoy the free space and your summer. It’s freezing where I am but I love it because it allows me to stay at home and relax. Speak soon my friend.

  2. Dustin Miller

    Jun 10, 2016 at 6:54 pm

    The U.L.C. is my dream for the world. It was made for many goals and intentions. Some which are creating a place for philosophical and emotional growth. Bringing people together to improve our way of life.

    unitedlivingconstruct.wordpress.com

    • Tim Denning

      Jun 11, 2016 at 2:25 am

      Dustin I checked out your site and I love that you are a visionary. Keep doing what you do mate and your dream will come true. Thanks for reading my post. Much Respect 🙂

  3. Austine Nonso

    Jun 10, 2016 at 5:16 am

    Personality I believe is something that set persona apart from others, it makes a person unique and respected. Your post is really inspiring and I believe if all should work towards achieving great personality then they wont be any corruption in the world.

    • Tim Denning

      Jun 10, 2016 at 12:28 pm

      Austine thank you for your kind words. Personality is important and lucjily you can shape that to be whatever you want. If we concentrate on what we can do to make the world better and how we can give to others, we will foster al the right ingredients for a magnet-like personality. I still have a long way to go myself but with every day I do my best to become more. To be more.

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Success Advice

The Three P’s You Need to Master to Become a Better Leader

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Leadership
Image Credit: Unsplash

I have been a fan and a student of Steve Jobs, Ray Kroc and Jack Welsh for many years. It is very valuable to find similar traits in these great leaders and aggregate them, basically come up with some common denominators of their leadership success. By doing so, we can then begin to reflect their great skills into our own leadership profile. My goal here is to give you some very quick and applicable tools to modify your behavior for greater leadership skills.

Here are the 3 P’s for you to develop greater leadership skills based upon my findings:

1. Passion

If there is one thing that I found in most leaders, it is passion. They love what they do, they love talking about what they do and they love getting others involved in what they do. Passion has different ways of emoting. Some people move very quickly on stage with arms flaying, voice pitching from a diminuendo to a crescendo with 100 giant television screens behind them.

Remember Steve Jobs when the iPhone was being introduced? I’ve seen other people standing behind the podium speaking from written notes but the emotional intensity in the room grew thick and reaching the level of static discharge. I’ve seen everything in between. There is an old saying that we have a leadership theory and that is, “if you think you’re leading and you turn around and no one is following, you’re just taking a walk!” It is passion that prevents that from happening.

“Don’t be afraid to give up the good to go for the great.” – John D. Rockefeller

You may be asking yourself how you can develop more passion in your life and in your leadership repertoire. The answer to that is fairly simple but the application can be somewhat deceptive in its apparent simplicity. If you wait to feel passionate before you act passionate, you’re allowing outside circumstance to control your emotions. However, if you begin to act passionate even if, by chance you don’t feel it, you will begin to. Thus, it is better for us to act our way into a new set of feelings than it is for us to feel our way into a new set of actions.

2. Planning

All leaders are planners; it’s a requirement of the job. By virtue of leading it means that you must be planning for the future. Planning can in fact be learned and is not that difficult of a process. If you want to become a better planner study chess. Notice I did not say play chess, although that will be the natural outcome of your studying. Study chess and notice how the minds of the great masters develop a strategy and implant tactics around that strategy. Chess is an amazing process to develop planning skills.

Another thing you can do is think about how you planned your last vacation, or even a weekend getaway. Think about the steps you took, the research you did based on those steps and their outcomes. Both the study of chess and personal planning will assist you in developing planning for your leadership skills.

3. Persistence

Leaders never give up! If there is something they want, they find a way around, over, or through the obstacle. Too many people never develop their full leadership birthright because of the mental script running through their minds saying, “It’s too tough for me. I Should just go home and get a good nights sleep.” Leaders know that the only possibility of failure is in giving up. If you fall down 10 times but get up on the 11th, you have not failed 10 times – you have succeeded. Period!

You may be wondering how to develop that no nonsense, I will not be denied attitude of persistence. The real question is not how do I develop persistence, but how do I develop the courage to go after what I want? Persistence is a by-product of courage! When there is something that should be yours, developing the impassioned desire to obtain that through raw courage will develop sheer persistence.

“There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure.” – Colin Powell

Maybe I should’ve included a 4th P with this article. That of POWER! The best thing I can say about power is that if you want a more powerful leadership dynamic, develop a repertoire that contains passion, planning and persistence. The three of them combined will be a powerful leadership punch that should lead you to getting what you want and assisting others in believing that they should follow you because there is great value in you leading them.

How do you define a leader? Comment below!

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The Secret Power of Storytelling That You Need to Know

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What does the power of storytelling mean to you? Do you visualize your mom or dad telling you a bedtime story, or do you think about an enjoyable summer read? Every single conversation that we have with an individual or group is us sharing a story about the past, present and future. If we have a product or service that we offer to others, we tell a story about it when we do a pitch or a presentation.

The reason why we tell stories is because we know the power of stories. We know how being able to tell a captivating story can affect and change the lives of the people for better or worse. Hitler used stories about the Jews in the 1930’s which caused Germany to rally the youth and the German people to go to war, and in England, the British Prime Minister Winston Churchill, used the power of stories to rally the British in a movement of never surrendering to the Germans.

Not everyone knows how to tell stories

Our abilities to tell captivating stories is one of the greatest assets we possess. However the problem is that not everyone has the skills to be a good storyteller, and the ability to be a good storyteller is critical in our success whether it’s in our personal or business life.

The power of storytelling goes way beyond just our everyday conversations, it goes far beyond simply giving facts and data. Stories emotionalize information. They bring life and depth to otherwise bland material, and they allow people to connect with the message in a deeper, more meaningful way.

Tony Robbins, the world famous motivational speaker and strategist interviewed Peter Guber, the Chairman and CEO of Mandalay Entertainment whose films has earned more than $3 billion and over 50 Academy Awards nomination. Guber stated “emotion combined with information becomes memorable and actionable.  Where were you on 9/11? Chances are that you can remember exactly where you were when you learned about the tragic events that transpired that day. But if you had to think where you were the day before that – that memory is probably hazier. Because information attached to pain or pleasure creates an emotional connection that resonates within you.”

He goes on to also say “Keeping in mind that a story is not a monologue, but a dialogue, helps you to give your audience proprietorship. They become emotional owners of the story you are telling. Then they become advtes –oca of your product, your service, your business, your brand.”

The power of storytelling can transform lives when useful and relevant information is combined with emotions. The next time you speak to another person regardless of the situation, remember you are being a storyteller, because you are in the process of transferring information to that person or group.

“Stories are a communal currency of humanity.” –Tahir Shah

Our most powerful tool

Our ability to communicate effectively is the most powerful tool we have, and when we strategically use our communication skills to transfer bland information into masterful stories we also have the power to transform lives.

If done correctly, our stories will have a massive effect on our listening audience. It will inspire and influence them. It will move them to act. So never underestimate the power of storytelling. Make it relevant–connect emotionally, create a dialogue, and you will see why the power of storytelling is the most powerful tool you have.

Don’t just take my word on for it, Look at some of the greatest leaders throughout history

You will see that they all had the ability to tell stories and bring people together through their words. The greatest motivational speakers in the world use the power of storytelling to emotionalize their audience, because there is no quicker or more effective way to get your audience engaged.

Les Brown who has been one of my mentors and one of the greatest motivational speakers that has ever lived, uses stories masterfully. He shares stories about his upbringing in Miami, and how he and his twin brother were adopted at birth and he is somehow able to transition those stories into whatever relevant topic needs to be heard by his audience, but he first draws them in with his stories.

“Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears.” – Les Brown

Jim Rohn, Zig Ziglar, Earl Nightingale, Tony Robbins, the list is endless, but one thing they all have in common is their ability to tell stories masterfully. Some of the greatest philosophers have told us that there is a blueprint for success, and obviously storytelling is part of that blue print.

There is no greater power that we possess than the ability to transform regular words into captivating stories that can take your audience on whatever journey you want to take them on.

Being a great storyteller is like being a puppet master, because when you can draw people in to your stories you will have your audience on a string taking them on any emotional roller coaster. The secret power of storytelling is to be treated with respect, because with great power comes great responsibility, and this power should only be used for good.

Do you enjoy storytelling? If so, do you have any techniques or advice to share? Let us know in the comments below!

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5 Signs You’re on the Right Path to Success

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Every successful person had his own moment(s) of doubt. The road to success is full of obstacles and sweet hardships that will frequently make you stop and ask, ‘Am I on the right track?’ Even legends and billionaires had moments like that. Just imagine how 62 year old Colonel Sanders felt when he was rejected time and time again trying to franchise his famous chicken recipe.

It felt harsh and I bet he stopped, at least for a moment, to question his entire existence, not just the success of his business idea. But I also bet that there were probably some signs that told Sanders —and any other successful person— ‘You`re going to make it, just hang in there.”

Here are the 5 signs that will tell you whether you`re going to be successful or not:

1. You’re good at the consistency game

I don`t like the fable of the Tortoise and the Hare, and I believe that a restless hare would smash them both, but there`s a reason why that slow tortoise crossed the finish line; It`s called consistency.

Success eventually favors the most consistent, and if you`re not disciplined with the things that make you successful, then your chances to succeed are slimmer than Marlon Brando`s chances of winning the lottery (Marlon Brando is dead, and one of every 175 million tickets wins the lotto).  

Systems and routines (i.e., consistency), predict success, so take a look at your habits. Are they positive? Do you practice them regularly? If the answer to both questions is “Yes,” then sooner or later you`re going to be successful.

“The road to success and the road to failure are almost exactly the same.” – Colin R. Davis

2. You stopped having a toxic relationship with money

Success is no longer a zero-sum game to you; opportunities are everywhere, and there`s room for everybody to make money, including you. When you check the news, the success of other people no longer makes you envious. A celebrity buying a new mansion or a $150 million contract for a LeBron or Federer-like athlete, doesn`t bother you but instead makes you believe there`s plenty of money out there for ambitious, hard-working people like you. When you switch from worrying about not having enough money to having faith that you will make the money you want, then you know you`re on the way to success.

3. You know the right people

Another sign is having a big social network. I read it somewhere that business owners prefer to hire those they know over those who are skilled. Sounds skewed, I know, but it helps a lot if you combine your technical skills with excellent people skills. To want success is more like wishing to enter a nightclub on a busy Friday night. If you know the bouncers or have enough skills to befriend them, you won`t stay long in the line. The same thing happens in business, the more people you know, the easier it will be to find the right job, get proper funding and save time waiting in the line.

Social skills will help you more than you can ever imagine. There`s a guy I used to work with, he`s not that good looking, but he`s the slickest I`ve ever seen. When that guy hit rock bottom, he dropped out of school, bought a one-way ticket to Dubai, became a real estate agent and made his first million before reaching 30. I`ve also read about Michael Bloomberg who used to come to work at six in the morning to distribute coffee and tea to CEOs who come to work early when others are sleeping. For $.99 each, Bloomberg befriended at least a dozen bigwigs who later helped him launch a billion dollar business after he quit Wall Street.

4. You know what makes you tick

The successful people are better than most people at understanding themselves and overcoming —to a greater extent—the five foundations of poverty: sleep, fear, anger, laziness, and procrastination. They have worked on themselves so deeply and have made so many mistakes that they now know their soft spots as well as what motivates them.

Do you know what makes you sad, angry or excited? Do you know when you`re more likely to cheat on a diet or skip a workout? What are your strengths? Can you motivate yourself at will? And how? Having answers to most or, preferably, all of these questions will help you tap into your full potential and sets you on the path to massive success.

“All progress takes place outside the comfort zone.” – Michael John Bobak

5. You have faith

Faith in the yet to be seen, is a huge sign of success. When you think about the future, there should be a positive energy around you that says “I`m gonna make it.” You may not know exactly when you`re going to succeed, but you`re sure it’s a matter of time. This faith, or certainty, comes from having a solid plan – It`s when you know your goal, how you`ll achieve it, and how you`re going to react if things go south and deciding to believe in the unknown

If you think about it, hard work doesn`t always come as the first cause of success. It`s the faith that you`ll achieve the goal that makes you work hard, and thus, achieve the goal. I was reading a book on Michael Jordan by Roland Lazenby —who also wrote Kobe Bryant`s biography— and it stopped me that part of Jordan`s extraordinary success goes to expectations.

He expected every single ball he shot to go in. Jordan used that mindset over and over and didn`t stop when one of his shots was missed. He merely understood that even though nobody wins all the time, believing you`ll win every single time makes you win most of the time, which is enough to get a career like his. The most prominent success sign is the certainty. To believe, and act, as if you`re going to succeed, and then let that belief lead manifest into actions.

What are some things you do to say on track? Comment below!

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Instead of Always Trying to Be Right, Do This Instead

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A colleague of mine was obnoxious, over eager, and completely out of line. Yet, all of this was overshadowed by the fact he was just plain wrong. If he were to go through with it, it would derail the company by at least 6 months. Yet, arguing with him when he was in this state was of no use. While hitting him over the head with the laptop seemed appealing for a second, it was probably not a great long-term strategy for the business or my laptop.

Galileo once said, “You cannot teach a man anything, you can only help him find it within himself.” This is especially true when it comes to emotionally charged matters and negotiations.

When you are right, you become attached to that idea. It’s so clear, how can they not see it? Yet, your meticulously clear logic might as well be written in braille as your focus intensifies on proving yourself right, instead of reaching an agreement.

Below are 3 ways you can step out of your emotions and help someone find the right answer when money and time are on the line:

1. Separate the Person From the Issue

Imagine if a four-year-old child was adamant about something. You wouldn’t try to reason logically for hours in such a case. When trying to speak through a person’s emotions, often you might have better luck with the four year old.

In order to break this barrier you must stop seeing them as the problem and see the issue at hand. Instead of seeing the other person as stupid or obnoxious, try viewing them as simply lost or misguided. The job now becomes not to prove them wrong, but to guide them to the truth. Adopting this mindset changes your entire approach as you get out of your own emotions and take control of the situation.

“Each of us guard a gate of change that can only be opened from the inside.” – Stephen Covey

2. Show Them A Mirror

Somewhere in between trying to hammer a point, both sides usually forget to listen. No matter the situation, you must make sure that person is never you. Instead, shift the focus from “me vs you” and make it completely about the other person. Really listen and validate their emotions, creating enough trust and safety to begin a real exchange. Make sure they feel heard and slow the conversation down. When you slow the process down, you also calm down.

Remember, it’s not what you say, but how you say it. About 93% of communication is nonverbal, thus maintaining your body language immediately provides an edge. A playful (not childlike or mocking) voice puts someone in a positive frame of mind, where they are more likely to collaborate and problem solve.

Always remember to repeat back the most important three words from their sentence and make them elaborate on whatever they said. The more a person is allowed to speak, the more they feel heard. The more they feel heard, the more open they are to receive new information.

3. Lead With Empathy, Not Sympathy

Taking the time to make sure the other side feels heard and understood does not mean you bend to their will. It does not mean you give up, agree, feel sorry for, or even compromise. Empathy is the ability to recognize another’s perspective and the vocalization of that recognition. This is the difference between empathy and sympathy.

When you can label a person’s emotions in an argument, you seize the chance to discover what is behind those feelings. As you begin to drill down, you gain leverage. This should be done very gracefully. Instead of saying, I think you’re angry and being stubborn, trying saying, It seems like you are feeling frustrated because you really care about this and wish it was moving along quicker.

“Sometimes all a person wants is an empathetic ear; all he or she needs is to talk it out. Just offering a listening ear and an understanding heart for his or her suffering can be a big comfort.” – Roy T. Bennett

Using labels, you mold their feelings into words, moving information from the emotional part of the brain to the rational. Whatever behavior a person may be presenting, there is always an underlying feeling triggering it. Your job is to make the person aware of that feeling. The faster you do this, the faster you eliminate the risk of a complete breakdown in communication.

After their emotions are labeled, asking how or why calibrated questions allow them to solve their problems for you. In order to do this effectively you don’t need to study every type of calibrated question there is, but rather adopt a specific mindset. You are not their opponent, but a guide, leading the lost to the truth. Your truth.

In my case, the presenting behavior of my colleague was an obnoxious know-it-all attitude. However, the underlying emotion was fear of falling behind. Once I was able to stop asking the question, “Why is he doing this to me?” and focus on looking deeper, the conversation took a turn. The conversation was no longer about my ideas versus his, but about him and his fear.

Instead of arguing with me, he spent the rest of the time, essentially, arguing with himself. After helping him dissect his fear in the rational part of the brain, he realized that many of the worst case scenarios were highly improbable and acting hasty might exacerbate things. Most importantly, at the end of the conversation, he said, “I think I made the right choice.”

He believed that the decision was entirely his. He never acknowledged the fact that I was right and announced to everyone the sudden spark of genius that hit him. Yet, at the end of the day you need to ask yourself what is more important to you; being right or doing whatever it takes to win.  

How do you handle conflict? Let us know your tips and advice in the comments below!

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