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The Secret Ingredient You Need to Incorporate in Your Networking Strategy

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Hearing the word “networking” brings up images of elevator speeches, stiff interactions, trying to look busy on your phone, and awkward silences. After the initial introductions and “what do you do’s” you’re often feeling panicked to come up with the next intelligent open-ended question in an attempt to keep the dialogue going.

With all the stress and discomfort that networking events bring, they’re still the best way to put yourself out there and meet like minded colleagues and leads to help you grow your business or land your next job.

The tactic often recommended is to ask questions to the person you’ve just met because we all know that people usually like to talk about themselves. This maneuver can sometimes backfire though because it can lead to either the awkward “I ask, you ask” ping-pong game or the one-way “I ask, you talk” situation.

“Networking is an essential part of building wealth.” –  Armstrong Williams

What if there was a recipe to a successful networking strategy where you’ll leave a great impression on the person you’re speaking to and once you learn it you will never again fear networking events? Well, there is.

We all love stories. From a very young age we have always loved hearing them – whether the stories came from our parents, books, movies, or now through podcasts and YouTube videos. We love telling them and hearing them and never seem to be able to get enough.

Sharing stories improves rapport, it creates ease and trust, and it opens room for more conversation.  They are so powerful that big corporations are focused on telling their stories to touch people’s emotions to persuade and influence them. Using the power of your experience and the stories you’ve lived, helps you connect, inspire, and influence.  

Here’s how I incorporated stories into networking events that helped me to build a six figure tutoring company in three years:
  1. I asked a few of my tutors to ask their students’ parents this simple question, “What do I do for you as a tutor?” to help get an understanding of what parents actually thought of us. This was an eye opening question because parents didn’t just stop at ‘you help my child with math’, they went way deeper giving personal stories about how their tutor had helped their child overcome barriers they were facing in school and in their relationships. One of the tutors even said that it brought tears to her face listening to a parent’s answer.
  2. Then I incorporated these stories into the question I most get asked at networking events: ‘so what do you do?’
  3. Once you start with a story, you open up ways for the conversation to go deeper and become more meaningful. Many times the person you are speaking with will start telling you their own story and the conversation will roll from there.
  4. Usually by this time so much has been said that you no longer have to scramble for the next topic to talk or ask questions about. The conversation will flow naturally.

“We are, as a species, addicted to a story. Even when the body goes to sleep, the mind stays up all night, telling itself stories.” – John Gottschall

Even though this method of networking will only give you the opportunity to speak with a few people at an event, it has more value than collecting stacks of business cards that are essentially worthless.

I can’t count the number of times I’ve run into people who have opened with, “Oh, I remember you. You’re the homework coach who helps kids and takes stress away from their parents”.

The impact of taking the time to consider what stories others what to hear and what they want to learn from you is worth the time invested. It allows new people you meet to get to know who you are and what you value.

Try sharing your story. You will be remembered and better still, won’t have to dread networking events.

What are some tips you would give to help when networking with others? Leave your thoughts below!

Image courtesy of Twenty20.com

Mehrnaz Bassiri is the founder and director of MyGradeBooster Tutoring Services. In 2014 she was the recipient of the Youth Entrepreneur Award sponsored by Futurpreneur Canada. Mehrnaz graduated from the University of British Columbia with a Master of Science. She is passionate about education and its impact on our society.

Success Advice

EOS vs Scaling Up

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Image Credit: Addicted2Success

EOS vs Scaling Up is a choice between a tightly defined leadership operating system and a broader growth framework with explicit strategy and cash tools. Pick EOS when shared priorities, accountability and consistent execution are your immediate bottlenecks; consider Scaling Up when your team needs deeper strategy and cash work alongside execution. Neither replaces founder judgment.


Picture a founder opening a Monday leadership meeting. Sales has promised a launch date. Operations cannot deliver it. Finance has a cash forecast nobody has opened. Everyone has a convincing explanation, and everyone leaves with the founder’s phone number as the escalation process.

I would not start that conversation with, “Which framework is more sophisticated?” I would ask what decision this team keeps failing to make. A system earns its place when it changes that conversation, not when its terminology takes over the whiteboard.

What EOS and Scaling Up Actually Include

EOS means Entrepreneurial Operating System, the specific system created by Gino Wickman and introduced in Traction. It is not a generic label for every founder’s personal operating routine. EOS Worldwide describes six components: Vision, People, Data, Issues, Process and Traction.

Its tools connect the direction of the business to everyday accountability. The Vision/Traction Organizer, or V/TO, captures the plan. An Accountability Chart clarifies responsibilities. A Scorecard makes performance visible. Quarterly priorities, called Rocks, and the weekly Level 10 Meeting create a recurring execution rhythm.

Scaling Up is Verne Harnish’s framework, developed from his earlier Mastering the Rockefeller Habits work and associated with Gazelles. The Scaling Up framework centers on four decisions: People, Strategy, Execution and Cash. Its tools include the One-Page Strategic Plan and Rockefeller Habits Execution Checklist.

The useful distinction is emphasis, not a claim that EOS has no strategy or Scaling Up has no discipline. Both ask leaders to make priorities clear, assign responsibility and review progress. Scaling Up gives strategy and cash their own named pillars; EOS connects the company through its six-component model.

EOS vs Scaling Up: The Practical Comparison

Decision point EOS Scaling Up
Organizing model Vision, People, Data, Issues, Process, Traction People, Strategy, Execution, Cash
Core planning document Two-page Vision/Traction Organizer One-Page Strategic Plan
Execution tools Quarterly Rocks, Scorecard, Accountability Chart and Issues List Quarterly priorities, critical numbers, accountability tools and Rockefeller Habits Checklist
Meeting emphasis Weekly leadership Level 10 Meeting, with quarterly and annual planning Daily huddles within a daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly and annual rhythm
Strategy and cash Strategy appears in the V/TO; financial measures can inform the Scorecard and Issues List Dedicated Strategy and Cash decisions, supported by a broader toolset
Founder question Will we consistently make and keep clear commitments? Will we use deeper planning and financial analysis to improve decisions?
Risk to watch Mistaking clean execution for proof the strategy is right Maintaining more tools and meetings than the team can use meaningfully

The last two rows are my decision lens, not findings from a controlled comparison. There is no universal winner hidden in the table. A short plan can contain hard thinking, and a detailed plan can contain beautifully formatted avoidance.

Pick EOS If Your Team Needs a Dependable Execution Backbone

Pick EOS if… your leaders broadly agree on the business direction, but ownership keeps slipping. Priorities multiply, the same problem returns every week, and people leave meetings with different versions of what was decided. A defined set of connected tools gives that team something concrete to practice.

The leadership Level 10 Meeting agenda is a useful example: 90 minutes each week, including 60 minutes for IDS, meaning Identify, Discuss and Solve. That allocation matters. The meeting is not supposed to become a parade of departmental updates.

Not if… you expect the framework to discover your competitive advantage, repair dishonest reporting or make a difficult personnel decision for you. EOS includes marketing strategy in its plan, but completing those fields does not prove customers value your offer. You still have to test the assumptions outside the meeting room.

In the Monday scene, EOS would give the team a place to expose the launch conflict, identify its root and assign a resolution. But if the founder keeps promising dates privately after the meeting, the problem is not a missing template. The founder is undermining the agreement.

Pick Scaling Up If Strategy and Cash Need More Structured Attention

Pick Scaling Up if… execution problems are entangled with bigger choices: which customers to serve, how to differentiate, where growth consumes cash, and how departments coordinate. Its explicit Strategy and Cash decisions make those subjects harder to treat as occasional side conversations.

The Rockefeller Habits guidance also calls for employee input, customer feedback and a meeting rhythm extending from daily huddles to annual planning. That is worth noticing. The framework is not simply a longer quarterly goal sheet; it asks for recurring information flow through the business.

Not if… your leadership team lacks the capacity or willingness to maintain that rhythm. More frequent communication only helps when people bring useful information and act on it. A huddle that becomes a daily performance for the founder can consume attention without removing a single obstacle.

Imagine the launch problem includes a supplier deposit due before customers pay. A Cash discussion can help surface the timing problem; a Strategy discussion can question the offer itself. Neither discussion substitutes for reliable records, financial expertise or someone owning the decision afterward.

Keep the Founder in the Learning Loop

The deeper issue behind founders vs professional managers is whether the founder learns to manage without giving away the judgment that made the business worth building.

I would apply that same standard to either framework. Can you explain why a number matters? Can a department leader challenge a priority with customer evidence? Can the team change the plan when an assumption breaks, without treating every difficult week as permission to abandon discipline?

Here is the distinction I would protect: delegate the preparation, not the responsibility to understand. Someone else can compile the Scorecard or update the strategic plan. The founder still needs to understand what the numbers reveal, what they hide and which trade-off the team is making.

That is different from inserting yourself into every task. A founder who overrules every owner creates dependency. A founder who never questions a green dashboard creates complacency. The goal is a team capable of bringing you an uncomfortable truth and a decision it is ready to own.

Choose Against a Real Bottleneck, Not a Headcount Myth

I would not use an employee threshold as the deciding rule. Team size can signal complexity, but it does not tell you whether the real constraint is unclear ownership, weak strategy, poor information or an owner who changes direction every afternoon.

Before committing, bring the leadership team three recent failures: a missed commitment, a repeated customer problem and a financial surprise. These are teaching categories, not required framework tools. Trace each failure to the decision that was missing. Then examine how each framework would have surfaced it.

Read the underlying material together. Ask the person who would maintain the numbers to explain the workload. Ask the leader who rarely speaks whether the proposed meeting would make it easier to surface a problem. A framework selected entirely by the founder can become another instruction everyone waits to have explained.

Budget for internal preparation and leadership attention, not just outside help. I would compare the actual scope of any support being considered rather than assume one framework has a universal price advantage. A coaching invoice cannot tell you whether your managers will do the work between sessions.

Use One Backbone and Judge the Decisions It Produces

My recommendation is to choose one coherent backbone before borrowing tools. Two competing plans, two names for the same priority and overlapping reviews make it harder to know which commitment counts. Adding a focused operational check-in is different from pretending to implement both systems in full.

If you want to scale business operations without useless meetings, judge each recurring conversation by the decision or obstacle it exists to address.

During the first quarter, I would keep a simple decision record: the issue raised, the owner, the action agreed and what changed. This is my suggested learning practice, not a promise of full implementation in 90 days. Look for fewer recycled problems and more leaders resolving issues without the founder rescuing them.

Do not confuse attendance with adoption. If everyone attends but nobody challenges the numbers, you have installed a ceremony. If people can explain a trade-off, keep commitments and raise evidence that changes the plan, you are developing management capability.

Choose EOS for a more tightly defined execution backbone, or Scaling Up for broader strategy and cash tools your team will actually use. Then stay responsible for learning. The system should help you become a stronger founder, not give you a respectable reason to stop thinking.

Frequently Asked Questions

What is the main difference between EOS and Scaling Up?

EOS organizes leadership around six components and a tightly defined set of execution tools. Scaling Up organizes growth around People, Strategy, Execution and Cash, with broader planning tools and a meeting rhythm that includes daily huddles.

Is EOS the same as Traction?

EOS is the Entrepreneurial Operating System created by Gino Wickman. Traction is the book that introduces it. The system includes connected planning, accountability and execution tools; reading the book alone is not the same as consistently running those tools.

Does EOS include strategy and cash management?

EOS includes marketing strategy in the Vision/Traction Organizer, and teams can use financial measures in their Scorecard. Scaling Up makes Strategy and Cash separate core decisions. That distinction concerns emphasis and tooling, not whether EOS businesses can manage cash.

Can you combine EOS and Scaling Up?

You can borrow individual practices, but running both complete frameworks risks duplicated plans, vocabulary and meetings. My recommendation is one clear backbone with explicit ownership. Adding a useful check-in is different from claiming you are implementing both systems faithfully.

Do you need a coach to implement either framework?

Outside support is an option, not a substitute for internal ownership. EOS explicitly supports self-implementation, and Scaling Up publishes books and tools for teams to study. Decide what help you need after identifying your leadership team’s capacity and actual bottlenecks.

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What is the purpose of creating a framework for evaluating soft skills training?

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Image Credit: Addicted2Success

Soft skills are invaluable qualities that help us lead effectively and connect with others on a deeper level.

Professor M.S. Rao, Ph.D.—International Leadership Guru, The Father of “Soft Leadership” & 21st-Century Philosopher

Globally, unemployment persists due to a lack of soft skills. Global educational institutions emphasize soft skills to boost employability, and organizations worldwide use them to improve productivity and performance.

Currently, there is inadequate research available on soft skills. There are several myths about soft skills, since it is still an evolving discipline. It is mistaken for people skills, life skills, life management skills, and emotional intelligence, to name a few. Researchers, scholars, and educators find it hard to arrive at a universal definition of soft skills. They find it hard to create a standard curriculum. Additionally, there is an urgent need to explore tools and techniques for measuring soft skills to ensure effective training outcomes. Hence, this discipline calls for intensive research to establish its validity.

This short talk from Simon Sinek explains why these skills are so hard to measure and develop, and why they deserve a real training framework:

What are soft skills?

Skills are usually divided into technical skills and general skills. Some of the general skills that are behavioral fall into the category of soft skills. Hence, soft skills are a collection of skills that are essential to survive and succeed in personal, professional, and social life. They are complementary to hard skills. Hard skills are also known as technical skills or domain skills. Soft skills can be described as the effective presentation of hard skills. Additionally, how you say it is as important as what you say. That means soft skills are equally important along with hard skills. Hard skills can be seen on your resume, while your soft skills can be observed in employment interviews. A judicious blend of hard and soft skills helps one become a successful professional and excel as an effective leader.

Soft versus hard skills

Soft skills are different from hard skills. Hard skills are technical skills and domain skills, while soft skills are non-domain skills. Hard skills are tangible and measurable and quantifiable, while soft skills are intangible and cannot be easily measured and quantified. Hard skills are about what you speak, while soft skills are about how you speak with others. Soft skills are polite and pleasing ways of communicating with others, while hard skills are what you contribute in the workplace. Soft skills complement your hard skills. Precisely, soft skills are the presentation of your hard skills in the workplace. Soft skills are interpersonal skills, while hard skills are job-related skills. If hard skills are infrastructure, soft skills are superstructure. If hard skills are the foundation, soft skills are the cement. A judicious blend of both hard and soft skills is essential to achieve your professional success and fast-track your career.

You can find hard skills on a resume, while you can find soft skills during an employment interview. Hard skills get you an interview, while soft skills help you get your employment. Hence, both hard and soft skills are essential to get a job. After joining a job, soft skills help you survive in the workplace, while hard skills help you prove yourself professionally. Hence, blending both hard and soft skills is imperative in the workplace.

Soft versus hard skills―examples and illustrations

If you call someone physically handicapped, it is known as a hard skill. Instead, if you call it physically challenged, it is known as soft skills. If you instruct smokers, ‘Don’t smoke’ is known as a hard skill. Instead, if you communicate, ‘thanks for not smoking’, it is known as a soft skill. If you talk about the ‘generation gap’, it is known as a hard skill. In contrast, if you call it ‘generational differences’, it is known as soft skills. If you call them ‘slow learners’, it is known as hard skills. In contrast, if you call them ‘differently-abled learners’, it is known as soft skills. If you call ‘problems’ hard skills, it is known as hard skills, whereas if you call them ‘challenges’, it is known as soft skills. If you call ‘weaknesses’, it is known as hard skills; if you call them ‘concerns’, it is known as soft skills. Succinctly, soft skills emphasize how you communicate, while hard skills emphasize what you communicate.

It is easy to measure hard skills, while it is hard to measure soft skills. It is easy to teach hard skills, while it is hard to teach soft skills. Usually, teachers teach hard skills while trainers train soft skills. Since soft skills are behavioral skills, it requires extra effort on the part of trainers to use various tools and techniques, including interaction, role-plays, active participation, and experiential learning, to bring out the desired behavioral changes in the participants.

How to acquire soft skills?

You can acquire soft skills by various means, including observation, reading, training, experience, and practice. Soft skills training equips you with skills, abilities, and knowledge. However, your interaction with others helps you acquire soft skills greatly. Since soft skills are behavioral skills, people must learn through trial and error, using their emotional intelligence and flexibility and adaptability. You must be practical, realistic, and situational to acquire soft skills. Above all, you must learn from your failures to improve your behavior and get along well with others effectively.

You must develop emotional intelligence and interpersonal skills. You must observe and understand people and their behaviors. Travel to unknown destinations to understand people. Talk to them to get along with them. Understand their cultures and behaviors. Traveling teaches tolerance and improves soft skills. When you travel to unknown destinations and communicate in a non-native language, you will be able to improve your soft skills effectively.

Reading soft skills is one aspect, and applying them is another aspect. Attending workshops and training programs helps you understand what soft skills are and how you will be able to acquire them; such programs conduct role-plays to bring out behavioral improvement. Here are some tools and techniques to improve soft skills

  • Be self-aware.
  • Avoid preconceived notions.
  • Keep your body language positive.
  • Listen to the speaker carefully.
  • Make eye contact with the speaker and reciprocate positively.
  • Empathize with the speaker.
  • Be flexible.
  • Praise people lavishly.
  • Make the speaker feel important.
  • Accept criticism graciously.
  • Interact with different types of personalities who are introverted, extroverted, assertive, submissive, and aggressive.
  • Above all, be adaptable.

Since soft skills are behavioral skills, you can acquire soft skills through physical interaction and trial and error. You must take intrapersonal and interpersonal feedback regularly to improve your soft skills. Succinctly, be proactive, be a good listener, improve interpersonal skills, and build relationships to acquire soft skills.

Can soft skills be measured?

It is hard to measure soft skills, but easy to measure hard skills. Research shows that soft skills are harder to teach than hard skills. Additionally, it takes a lot of time and effort to equip oneself with soft skills rather than hard skills. However, matching the objectives of the soft skills training with the feedback received from the participants can help measure soft skills effectively. For instance, every training program has a set of objectives, and the program is rolled out to the participants accordingly. At the end of the training program, the participants are asked whether the training has met their objectives, aspirations, and expectations. Since soft skills training is behavioral, it is hard to measure. However, taking timely feedback at the end of the training session helps greatly achieve the training takeaways.

Meka's five-level model to measure soft skills

Evaluation is essential to understand the effectiveness of any training program. It helps understand how far the training has impacted the participants and improved their behavior and performance. Additionally, it helps assess the strengths and weaknesses of the program and the pulse of the participants to deliver the training program better next time. Here is an innovative Meka’s five-level evaluation model to measure soft skills training:

  1. Conduct the training needs analysis to identify the current skills gap in the participants.
  2. List out core objectives clearly to deliver the training.
  3. Execute the soft-skills training program meticulously as per the objectives.
  4. Align deviations or distractions from the training program.
  5. Measure the training takeaways from the participants through questionnaires and effective feedback.

Sample questions to measure soft skills training

Consider using the following few questions to measure a soft skills training program:

  • Did the soft skills training transfer the knowledge, skills, and abilities to the participants effectively?
  • Did the soft skills training improve the attitude and behavior of the participants successfully?
  • Is the training worth investing time, money, energy, and resources?
  • Are the training outcomes as per the training objectives? If not, identify and address the deviations or distractions.
  • List out the three soft skills training takeaways that can improve the attitude, change behavior, and polish the personality.

The concept of soft skills is an evolving domain

Unfortunately, people often take the significance of soft skills lightly. The concept of soft skills is an evolving domain that people must take seriously; people must be educated about them.

Whenever a new discipline surfaces, people resist and mostly don’t respect it because there is no strong research to substantiate its relevance. However, over time, people start accepting and respecting the discipline. For example, many people initially did not take management as a discipline seriously and expressed their reservations. Today, management as a discipline is a reality, now having a sacred and respectable position like many other disciplines in the world. Similarly, soft skills will evolve as a discipline over time as more research is done. To summarize, a proportional mix of hard and soft skills helps me excel as a successful professional and leader. Soft skills provide a competitive edge in this cut-throat world. They are an asset to employees and add immense value to global organizations. To conclude, soft skills are essential for everyone, from janitors to chief executives, to achieve the desired outcomes.

Author Bio

Professor M.S. Rao, Ph.D., is recognized as a prominent 21st-century philosopher and a pioneer of the ‘Soft Leadership’ conceptual framework. He is an internationally acclaimed authority on leadership, with a distinguished 45-year career spanning the military, academia, business, consulting, and thought leadership. He has authored fifty-six books, including the best-selling title, “See the Light in You.” An avid lover of words and quotes, he has published over 300 papers and articles in prestigious international journals, such as Leader to Leader, Thunderbird International Business Review, Strategic HR Review, Development and Learning in Organisations, Industrial and Commercial Training, On the Horizon, and Entrepreneur. He takes on multiple roles as a soldier, entrepreneur, educator, author, explorer, thinker, researcher, mentor, motivator, reformer, traveler, blogger, storyteller, volunteer, activist, futurist, analyst, strategist, and coach. He serves as a C-Suite advisor and a global keynote speaker. His diverse professional background spans military service, academia, training, research, consultancy, and philosophy, giving him a strategic perspective and a long-term vision. Through leadership education and his publications, he mentors a new generation of leaders and inspires individuals worldwide to pursue their life goals, despite various challenges and disabilities. He aspires to develop one million students into global leaders by 2030. He actively participates in peace initiatives, advocates for gender equality (#HeForShe), and fosters global connections among students. He is dedicated to writing books and maintaining blogs on executive education, learning, and leadership. Much of his work is freely available through his four blogs, including this one: http://professormsraovision2030.blogspot.com/. Recognized as a prolific author and an energetic, dynamic, and inspiring leadership speaker, he can be contacted at msrlctrg@yahoo.com.

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Success Advice

Why Creative People Wait Until the Last Minute

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Image Credit: Addicted2Success

The answer to why creative people wait until the last minute, according to Dr. John Gray, often comes down to stimulation: when your brain gets used to high stimulation, ordinary pressure stops getting your attention, so the emergency becomes the thing that finally switches focus on. In our 2015 conversation, his answer was not more willpower. It was recovery, a mission bigger than the task and the habit of keeping your word.

I introduced John on the Addicted to Success podcast as the number one New York Times bestselling author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. That day I wanted to talk about his then-new book, Staying Focused in a Hyper World, because so much of our audience wanted to know how to increase memory and brain performance, and what was holding them back mentally from success.

The relationship expert who found his own procrastination

John told me he had spent his whole life as a marriage counselor and teacher of relationships. Then, about 15 years before our conversation, he said he started having early-stage Parkinson’s, and he shifted his focus toward healing his own brain.

He said the natural approach he found also addressed something he did not know he had: ADHD. For him, that looked like being easily distracted, disorganized and procrastinating. He said many creative, self-expressive people have great ideas and are good at starting things, but not that good at finishing them, and they often wait until the last minute. He had assumed that was just him.

He said that after adding extra nutritional support aimed at helping his brain make dopamine and restore the balance between dopamine and serotonin, his ability to perform increased dramatically. The need to push things to a state of emergency faded. His wife was the one who pointed it out. She told him he had become more relaxed and attentive to her, that he did not get distracted as quickly, and that when she said something, he actually held on to it.

To be clear, this is John’s account of what happened for him, as he told it in 2015. It is not a proven cure, and it is not medical advice. If you are dealing with Parkinson’s or ADHD, talk to a qualified doctor. What I find useful is the pattern he named: the last-minute rush was not a quirk. In his view, it was a signal.

The deadline is a manufactured emergency

John called it high dopamine function. He described dopamine as the brain chemical behind focus, pleasure, energy and motivation, and said high dopamine function means you need high stimulation to get your attention.

Then he pointed straight at the name of our show. He said a lot of successful people are high dopamine function because they always want more success, and there is nothing wrong with that natural desire. The problem is when the brain becomes desensitized to normal stimulation, and what you have in the moment is never enough.

That is where he connected it to procrastination. He said you can get addicted to worrying, to drama, to the story you tell yourself about why you cannot do something, and, in his words, “you can get addicted to procrastination.” Later he said that when the body is not producing enough dopamine, people create drama or an emergency to get it, and some live in a constant state of emergency.

For a creative founder, the deadline you keep pushing up against is not only a scheduling failure. By his explanation, it is the stimulation your brain has learned to wait for. That is close to what I described in the brutal truth about entrepreneurship with ADHD, where the addiction to chaos and last-minute sprints keeps talented founders stuck in the same loop.

Why ordinary work starts to feel flat

John explained it with the pupils of the eye. Walk into a dark room and they get bigger. Walk into bright light and they constrict. He said the brain does something similar: when stimulation runs higher than normal, receptor sites decrease, as if there is too much light. They can come back, he said, but only when you stop chasing high stimulation and give the brain support.

He gave examples from his own life. Presenting to a thousand people is a major dopamine rush. The night before our conversation, he had seen The Book of Mormon with his wife for their 30th anniversary, a show he called one of the greatest on Broadway, the whole audience feeding off the performers. For every up, he said, there is a down, and after the high, ordinary life feels flat.

That landed with me. I told John that so many lights had just gone off in my mind, because I was guilty of it too. With a site called Addicted2Success, I was always chasing the next dopamine hit: reach a milestone, celebrate for a little bit, then ask about the next level, like a video game. I told him even switching my phone off for half a day had become a struggle, because I kept wondering whether an important email had come through.

Unplug one day a week so the brain can come back

John’s most practical behavior advice was simple and uncomfortable: unplug from your phone and computer at least one day a week. He said taking one day off from overstimulation is one of the oldest traditions in the world. Here is what he described for himself:

  • His phone set so only his kids’ calls could come through.
  • No work and no computer.
  • A day of relaxation with his family.
  • Meditation, which he said was one of the main ways he unplugged.

When he started, he said he was so tired, because he had been running on stimulation, and normal life no longer gave him energy. You feel bored and flat, and you want to turn on something like Game of Thrones. He said he was not against any of it. We just need to balance it with retreat, notice when we are getting addicted to working all the time, and learn to turn it off, including stopping work in the evening when the sun goes down.

Gray’s rule is a blunter version of mindful productivity: focus is only as strong as the recovery behind it. If ordinary work feels dead without a crisis, the flat feeling on your day off may be the comedown after high stimulation, not proof that you need more pressure.

Satisfaction and wanting more

John said high dopamine function shows up differently in different temperaments. The creative type becomes hyper-distracted. The active type is always on the go, impulsive and risk-taking, getting a lot done without always thinking things through. He also described sensitive and compulsive types, and said most of us are a combination.

His warning for entrepreneurs was that as creative people become successful, they can drift into the compulsive pattern, demanding perfection of themselves and feeling it is never good enough. His answer is the line I would put on the wall: the secret of happiness and success is being able to come from a place of satisfaction and wanting more. Both, at the same time.

The bricklayer who was building a cathedral

If emergency is the wrong fuel, John’s answer was mission. He told a story he had heard long ago about medieval brick makers. The first says he is making a brick out of mud and looks bored. The next is making bricks to build a house. Another wants a house and a family. The last looks more alive than any of them, because he is making bricks to support his family and to build a cathedral that will inspire people to lead a better life.

John tied that to the prefrontal cortex, which he described as the part of the brain active when you feel compassion, creativity and optimism. He said under stress, blood flow shifts toward the back of the brain, where you repeat old patterns instead of having a new thought. As he framed it, dopamine says there is a job for me to do, and serotonin says I can do it.

Keep your word, even when you do not have to work

For me, this is the real replacement for last-minute panic. John said the masculine side, which he said both men and women have, comes from keeping your word: making commitments in the moment and following through. That, he said, is what got him up in the morning. He did not have to work, but he had promised to do things, and if he was not fulfilling his mission, he believed his energy would drop.

He warned that people who retire or get very rich can slide because they no longer have to do anything. His fix was to keep making promises when inspired and then follow through. A promise creates pressure you chose. An emergency creates pressure you were waiting for.

What he said about nutrition

I asked John to tie the science to a few practical things listeners could start doing for prefrontal cortex activity and lower stress. Beyond unplugging, he talked through nutrition he said had helped him: vitamin C, grape seed extract, supporting the body’s own glutathione, vitamin D3 and sunshine, a daily bowl of blueberries, and gut health, including homemade probiotic yogurt. He said men and women need a different balance of minerals, and he offered his website as a resource, which I pointed listeners to at the time.

These are his 2015 claims, not current medical guidance, and I am not prescribing them. Talk to a doctor before changing supplements, especially for ADHD or Parkinson’s.

The marriage question I asked him

In that conversation I told John I was getting married the next month, and asked what habits my partner and I could implement for a better marriage. His answer used the same principle. The things you automatically do at the beginning are the things that keep it going. Men get lazy, he said, women get resentful, and each feeds the other. Newness gives you free dopamine early on. Later you have to create it, because the feeling follows the action. And he said women are like the weather: if you resist the upset, it stays. Ask her to help you understand, and do not try to fix it in that moment.

At the end, I told John he had given us an overload of information that we needed to go and unpack, and I pointed listeners to Staying Focused in a Hyper World on Amazon. The idea I keep is this: if you can only finish when it becomes urgent, stop treating the emergency as your engine. Recover from the stimulation, connect the task to the cathedral, and make promises you keep before the panic shows up.

Frequently Asked Questions

Why do creative people wait until the last minute, according to John Gray?

John Gray said many creative people have high dopamine function and need high stimulation to focus. Ordinary pressure stops registering, so the last-minute emergency becomes what finally turns their attention on. In his view, the habit is a signal.

What did John Gray mean by high dopamine function?

He used it for people who need high stimulation to pay attention. In his explanation, overstimulation desensitizes the brain, so normal life feels flat and people chase bigger hits, including worry, drama or procrastination, to feel engaged.

How often did John Gray recommend unplugging?

At least one day a week, with no computer and the phone off or limited to a few calls. He also said to stop working in the evening, and admitted his first unplugged days left him tired and bored.

What does John Gray’s cathedral bricklayer story mean?

Several men make bricks from mud, but the one building a cathedral to inspire people is the most alive. Gray used it to show that mission and purpose create lasting motivation in a way a looming deadline cannot.

Did John Gray say nutrition cured his Parkinson’s and ADHD?

In 2015 he said extra nutritional support aimed at dopamine and serotonin balance worked for him, and his focus and procrastination improved. That is his personal account, not a proven cure or medical advice. Speak with a qualified doctor.

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Success Advice

What Grant Cardone Taught Me About Getting Out of Scarcity

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Image Credit: Addicted2Success

What Grant Cardone taught me about getting out of scarcity was that making more money and becoming less afraid of losing it are different jobs. In our interview, his first million brought disappointment and fear, while his advice kept returning to investing in your ability, finding stronger collaborators and creating something beyond what you already have.

I asked Grant where he started. Before we got to sales or bigger goals, he talked about his mother telling him to turn off the lights.

By the end, I was telling him about my own tendency to hold on to money, and about offers of millions of dollars for Addicted2Success that I had turned down. That is why I would go back to this conversation. Looking at it now, the question it raises is simple: am I protecting something valuable, or am I letting the fear of losing it decide how big it can become?

Scarcity can survive a bigger bank balance

Grant told me his father died at 52, when Grant was only 10. His mother had a little money left to her, but she did not know how to create an income. He remembered the fear in the house, even though they had somewhere to live, food and a car to get to school.

The instruction to turn off the lights was about more than electricity. In his telling, it carried the possibility that they might not have enough to keep their home.

I called it living out of scarcity. Grant described someone holding on so tightly to what they have that they cannot reach for what is available. His alternative was to invest energy, time, money and resources rather than make conservation the whole purpose of life.

I would not turn that into an argument against saving. Later, he explained how deliberately he built reserves. The distinction I take from it is between keeping resources available for a purpose and keeping them untouched because every possible use feels threatening. Those can look identical in a bank account while producing very different decisions.

The first million did not remove the fear

When I asked what his first million felt like, Grant said it was “kind of disappointing.” The milestone was anticlimactic. Then came another problem: he was scared to lose what he had made.

He said he reached that first million by 30, selling someone else’s product after treatment for drug addiction. He had taken a sales job he hated and decided to become great at it. His account was not about discovering the perfect business before doing uncomfortable work.

He also told me he did not buy a nice watch until he was 40. Producing income, holding reserves and then investing those reserves mattered more to him than immediately displaying the achievement.

That combination is more useful than either extreme on its own. He was not describing spending everything to prove you believe in abundance. But he was also showing me that reaching a number does not automatically undo the fear you brought to it. If the only plan is to feel safe once you have more, the next milestone may simply give you something larger to worry about.

The useful ritual was a return to lifetime goals

I asked about rituals and habits, bringing up Brian Tracy’s point about successful habits. Grant’s answer did not begin with a perfectly controlled morning.

That morning, he said, his children had jumped into bed and they had played hide-and-seek under the sheets. He wanted more sleep, missed the morning meeting and wanted a cappuccino from Starbucks. He was clear that he did not feel like doing it every day or follow an identical daily pattern.

What he did repeat was writing his goals in the morning and again at night. Not the day’s to-do list: what he wanted to accomplish in his lifetime. Later, he added that he also wrote them whenever he was disappointed.

I told him I did not know anyone who did that morning-and-night practice. His explanation made the repetition practical: it moved his attention away from where he had been and back toward where he wanted to go.

Here is what I would take from that. After a disappointment, do not let the setback become the only thing you can describe in detail. Write the destination again, then decide what work would move you toward it. The page is not a guarantee of success. It is a way to stop giving yesterday every available minute of attention.

A stronger collaborator can matter more than a bigger effort

Grant said he had been brought up to rival other people: if someone else won, he had lost. He connected that directly to scarcity. His alternative was to collaborate with successful, ethical people rather than treat their momentum as a threat.

Later, when I asked about his weaknesses, he admitted he did not like being governed or regulated, and that his quickness to walk away could conflict with collaboration.

He also named a specific missed opportunity. He said he had bought and sold $350 million worth of real estate over the previous 20 years. Looking back, he believed bringing in people who had already operated at a bigger level, and giving them a piece of the action, might have made that $3 billion instead.

Those were his figures and his hypothetical in that conversation, not independently verified results or a promise. The useful admission was that working harder alone had limits. He could see a cost to not sharing the opportunity with people who knew how to build something larger.

You can read our Grant Cardone quotes on sales, wealth and the 10X mindset for the punchier version of his thinking. Here, the weakness behind the ambition gave me more to work with: if you insist on being the strongest person involved, you may also be setting the ceiling.

Commitment needs evidence, not just conviction

Grant described concentrating his investments in things he knew rather than spreading money across different investments. When someone asked him what to do with $20,000, his answer was to reinvest in themselves and their business.

I hear that as his preference for building capacity in an area he understands, not a universal instruction to put all your savings into one bet. His confidence in an investment is not evidence that it cannot lose money.

Another answer in the same conversation matters here. When I asked about his biggest mistakes, he said he had trusted people’s accounts of what they had accomplished without checking the evidence. He said he had been swindled out of money.

He also regretted staying self-employed too long. Put those admissions beside the all-in language and there is a better takeaway than simply being fearless: build beyond your own labor, but check the people you are building with.

I brought up shiny-object syndrome when we discussed information overload. Grant favored a small number of strong sources over collecting advice everywhere. I would use that to reduce distraction, not to avoid checking a claim. Fewer voices can help you act; unchecked voices can still lead you in the wrong direction.

Useful skills need a market that can reward them

I asked what an ace salesperson should sell if they did not know which industry to enter. Grant pushed back against choosing purely by passion. His answer was to look for something people wanted, with strong margins and a large flow of business.

He pointed to the digital space as an example. In that 2014 conversation, I told him Addicted2Success had been running for three and a half years and had reached 54 million views worldwide. I was talking about the reach available online compared with appearing in front of people one event at a time.

Those were the figures I gave him then, not today’s site statistics. The distinction remains useful without turning the numbers into a forecast: being good at selling and choosing a market that can support your ambition are separate decisions.

I would not hear his answer as a reason to despise your work. I would hear it as a challenge to ask whether enthusiasm is helping you avoid an uncomfortable commercial question. Who wants what you offer, how do you reach them, and is there enough room to build the business you say you want?

Staying reachable keeps the opportunity open

I noted that Grant stayed connected with people, sharing their work and connecting with fans and followers. He said remaining accessible helped him learn about people and stay relevant.

That sits alongside his ambition to be everywhere. Visibility was not only about broadcasting more; he wanted communication to keep flowing back to him. I pointed out that the next person who connected with you might help multiply the business.

At the end, I asked for his top three pieces of advice. Our original 2014 recap of Grant’s three pieces of advice preserves that closing framework:

  • Do whatever it takes to accomplish the task, ethically, rather than looking for shortcuts.
  • Think 10 times bigger and build a business plan around the larger target.
  • Keep working on yourself, staying relevant and connected to the world.

I would keep the business-plan part attached to the bigger goal. Adding a zero is easy. Asking what people, capabilities and distribution the larger business would require is the work.

Thinking bigger does not always mean holding on longer

The most personal part came after those closing tips. I told Grant I had experienced realizations during the interview about scarcity and holding on to money. I had been offered millions for the site and said no because it was my baby.

Other people had told me I should have taken the money. I explained that I was thinking about $10 million, $20 million and $50 million, and that even then I did not know whether I would sell.

Grant did not simply tell me to hold out for more. He suggested there was nothing wrong with taking the chips off the board and banking a win. This was not the only game I could play. I could create something else.

That answer keeps the conversation honest. The man telling me to go bigger was also asking me not to confuse one business with the full extent of my creativity. He was suggesting a possibility, not telling me to accept a particular offer.

For me, that is the distinction worth keeping. Getting out of scarcity is not automatically spending, refusing to sell or chasing a larger number. It is being able to consider the next move without treating what you already own as the last worthwhile thing you will ever create.

Frequently Asked Questions

Why did Grant Cardone find his first million disappointing?

Grant told Joel that reaching his first million felt anticlimactic and brought fear of losing it. His account shows the distinction between reaching a financial milestone and changing the habits of worry that can remain after earning more money.

What did Grant Cardone mean by scarcity in this conversation?

Grant described a contracted, protective state in which holding tightly to existing resources prevents pursuing opportunities. He contrasted that with investing time, energy and money, while also explaining that he deliberately built reserves before making his own investments.

What did Grant Cardone write instead of a daily to-do list?

Grant said he wrote what he wanted to accomplish in his lifetime, morning and night, and again when disappointed. The purpose was to redirect attention toward his future rather than stay absorbed in his past or present position.

What did Grant Cardone regret about growing his real estate business?

Grant said he had not brought in enough people who had already accomplished something much bigger and offered them a share. He believed stronger collaborators might have expanded his results without requiring proportionately more of his own effort.

Did Grant Cardone tell Joel never to sell Addicted2Success?

No. After Joel described turning down offers for the site, Grant suggested there was nothing wrong with banking a win and creating something else. He framed another venture as a possibility, not a requirement to accept an offer.

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