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Success Advice

The 4 Major Things That Are Keeping You from Greatness

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holding you back from being great

As humans, we naturally have a high level of negative self talk going on that holds us a majority of us back from leaping into a future of success.

But what if that wasn’t the only thing holding us back?

What if there were a handful of other factors that are disabling us from moving closer to our goals?

We are all victims of these disempowering factors and we let them get us down at the best of times.

Today I will outline the 4 major things that are keeping you from greatness, so that you can be aware of them in order to remove them from your course towards success.

 

1. Lack of Vision…

A focused and purpose driven mentality is the defining difference between the successful and the mediocre. Every sane healthy person everywhere is born with the same amount of potential and ability. The only thing that will truly change someones outcome of success is their actions motivated by a focused vision.

If I asked you to walk into a room and find something as common and recognizable as a pencil I have little doubt the task could be completed within seconds. However, what if I asked you to accomplish the same task while closing your eyes. Unless you somehow developed a sixth sense of sonar this seemingly simple job would take several minutes, if not hours of stumbling around blindly and directionless, and it is still very likely that the pencil would remain unfound.

My point is this:

“We tend to get what we focus on, and what we don’t focus on, we don’t even come close to”.

The same principle is painstakingly true with our goals and dreams. We can talk about how we want to be rich, or how we dream of being successful and self-satisfied, however if we do not know what our dreams look like in specific detail, we will never reach our full potential.

It is imperative that you are consistently focusing on your goals, and visualizing what exactly your success should look like. It’s not enough to want to be wealthy, or to wish you were successful, you must set specific measurable goals that you can be constantly visualizing and achieving.

You cannot expect success if you don’t know what success looks like.

 

2. An Average Mentality…

To be average is to be nothing. The opposite of greatness is not failure, the opposite of greatness is mediocrity. To have an average mentality is to resign yourself to a life of unreached potential.

An average mindset is the most destructive type of mentality to have simply because it is fully accepted by our culture and no one will ever challenge you to expand your perspective and break out of that mediocre state ­of ­mind.

You are the only one who can challenge yourself to take on a bigger “think” and explore your full potential. The state of your vision or mentality will determine your level of activity and what you will be able to accomplish.

An average mentality produces an average lifestyle, but a focused goal­ setting mindset renders a self­ fulfilled life of accomplishing goals, and achieving massive success.

 

Think Big Picture Quote
 

3. Waiting till you feel like it…

Let’s get something perfectly clear when it comes to working towards accomplishing goals;

“You will never “always” feel like doing it”.

It doesn’t matter how passionate you are about the work you are doing, there will always be days where you do not feel like doing the labor. However it is crucial to know that if we only did things when we felt like doing them, our goals and aspirations would never become a reality.

The act of being productive can be extremely counterintuitive. It’s common to think that in order to start working toward achieving something you must feel motivated. In reality, the opposite is true.

The distinguished artist Pablo Picasso himself said:

“Inspiration exists, but it must find you working”.

We actually begin to feel motivated about doing something when we begin taking action and gaining some ground toward accomplishing a task. Once action is taken your mind develops a certain amount of commitment toward the goal and we start to feel passionate and motivated which spurs us on even further.

 

4. Listening to criticism…

As soon as you start taking massive action toward your goals and dreams you may receive criticism from the people around you, usually these people are your friends, and even your family.

Remember: it is expected and accepted to be average and ordinary, and as soon as you start taking massive action toward a dream you will stick out as odd, overly passionate, and maybe even obsessive, and the people around you may try to pull you back down to an average state.

Somewhere along the line, people will attack your ideas your dreams, and even you personally. Your reaction to their taunts and discouragement determines your level of success.

You can react to negative criticism in one of two different ways:

1. Retreat and succumb to the pressures of criticism, returning to an average state of being.

2. The less chosen option which is to react in a way that views criticism as proof that you are on the right track.

As crazy as it sounds the more you are criticized for your goals and your efforts toward achieving them, the more you increase your chances for success. It takes someone who is truly willing to move against the world’s way of thinking and what is accepted as normal to create something incredible of themselves.

 

Still not sold? Just look at what history has to say

Thomas Edison’s school professors used to tell him “he was too stupid to learn anything. He then went on to revolutionize the lifestyle of people everywhere, inventing world­ changing devices such as the phonograph, the lightbulb, and the movie camera.

During his early career, Walt Disney was fired by a newspaper editor because “he lacked imagination, and had no good ideas”. He touched the lives of billions of children everywhere with his creativity and passion.

Steve Jobs was kicked out of his own tech company several times, and still he went on to develop and design some of the most influential technology products of the century.

Every great person was criticized before they were admired.

 

What has been holding you back from achieving your greatness? And what are you going to do about it from now on? I’d love to see your comments in the section below.

Aaron is a 19 year old passionate entrepreneur, consultant, avid speaker, and full-time student. Associated with several organizations geared toward professional development and youth empowerment, Aaron works to grow his own career and inspire others to achieve their full potential. Visit www.aaronhuie.com to learn more and contact Aaron directly.

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26 Comments

26 Comments

  1. Bertie

    Feb 15, 2016 at 4:29 pm

    For me, the biggest hurdle is to mantain the vision in the long term. I can begin a project with a very clearly defined picture of what I want it to be, but then there is the need to go through all the weary, tedious tasks needed to achieve the goal. And this is the most dangerous point. You begin to feel tired, bored and drained out of energy, and that clear initial vision begins to fade away, so you end up like lost in the forest. Are there any hints to deal with this state of mind?

    • Aaron Huie

      Sep 7, 2018 at 6:17 am

      Hey bertie, Aaron here. I wrote this article about three years ago. I know what you mean about the vision aspect. The point on doing things even when you don’t feel like it speaks to that issue, however sometimes I will intentionally leave a project for a while when I have become exhausted or overwhelmed or just damn bored. Give it some time and then come back to the project not by approaching the project itself but by revisiting some of the sources of inspiration that pushed you to start the project in the first place.

  2. ankit soni

    Apr 15, 2015 at 10:20 pm

    Great

  3. bosede omisore

    Feb 16, 2015 at 2:48 pm

    what if you are faced with unseen circumstances . forces and all people can do is to pity you . you tried and tried and it seems nothing happened . you keep on stugling and struggling.
    even all the men of God you come in contact with told you that what you need is God special mercy and help. what can you do in such circumstances

  4. DP

    Jan 23, 2015 at 2:48 am

    Defining your vision is key. Without it, you have no direction. Good read!

  5. DP

    Jan 22, 2015 at 5:45 pm

    Good read. Letting doubt creep in is a momentum killer. Any time you spend moping and feeling bad about your situation is time not spent focusing on your goal. Forcing yourself to be positive in the face of adversity eventually becomes second nature and your brain starts to subconsciously guide you towards achievement. It focuses your body to work towards your goal, without you even knowing it. Your entire demeanor starts to change and the results start to follow.

    -DP

  6. Robinson Nkumba

    Jan 21, 2015 at 1:54 pm

    iam learning that to achieve something extra ordinary , i have to think outside the common box and am determined. I will achieve greatness no matter what!

  7. Harry

    Jan 19, 2015 at 3:38 am

    I don’t know how it happened , but my mum and dad wanted to throw a lavish birthday party for me . Everything went okay during that time , until the family video was released and I awoke to a cold truth. I had kyphosis and after seeing myself on camera was pretty much disgusted with myself . People at school and college used to call me hunchback and I can’t tell you how much that smashed into pieces . I told my mum please don’t show this to anyone , but instead she shared it with the whole world . I was also as a child played with by a white woman , I’m actually asian , which I think determines my sexuality today . And then with a white teacher who used to place the books on my crotch just to feel me .
    I have only ever had 1 or 2 not long lasting relationships with women , and maybe 2 or 3 potential other partners but I never shared that with them . I became addicted to cannabis for a long time , say 20 years . I have had long periods where I stopped . Now I think I have overcome that addiction , as well as alcohol through myself . I am blessed in some other ways but do get angry sometimes when I think about the past , and sometimes view the world as a white mans playground . I wanted to be one of those Hollywood type actors when I was young . I told Steve at the end of the day we are all products of environment , circumstance , genes and society and even if you become Mr or misses action tomorrow and be successful that theory will always hold true . Im fortunate to have my own house and car through some family work and generosity from my parents .
    All I want to do now is become Mr muscle while I am trying to find the right goals for me , and I want a beautiful wife and also children in the future . The only thing I have to quit now is tobacco . We all need to make smarter choices , but can’t punish ourselves Everytime we get it wrong .

  8. prisca

    Jan 16, 2015 at 3:09 pm

    I so much enjoyed this article. Thanks.

  9. RAGHAV KALRA

    Jan 11, 2015 at 4:51 pm

    Thanx Emily.

  10. RAGHAV KALRA

    Jan 11, 2015 at 7:02 am

    But if we have all the solutions and resources…then there is still a big enemy known as PROCRASTINATION. I think if we want to overcome it we need to think more about the positive outcomes of the impossible task( which is in our mind).

    • Emily Filloramo

      Jan 11, 2015 at 4:21 pm

      Raghav,

      Procrastination is a protective mechanism that keeps us from taking the steps to achieving our greatness.

      This is a part of us that is afraid of success. It’s afraid of success because it is stuck in some memory from the past (from authority figures and the school) that has us believe that it is not safe to be in the spotlight of success. That’s why we procrastinate.

      In order to overcome procrastination, again, as I’ve said in the comments below, the flashlight must shine into the dark corners of our minds and release the burdens and limiting beliefs that were acquired from significant emotional events. This will erase the negative self-talk for good and stop procrastination all together.

      Hope this explanation helps. It’s not you that’s procrastinating, it’s your parts from the past. -Emily

  11. William

    Jan 11, 2015 at 12:18 am

    Great article, but Thomas Edison was a sadistic psychopath who loved torturing animals. I definitely do not admire him. He thought the crying and yelping sounds animals made was no different that a machine squeaking.

  12. Keith Rozairo

    Jan 10, 2015 at 9:11 pm

    Right on Raghav! The more I read these posts and the comments, the more it steels me to achieve.
    Cheers

  13. Elizabeth Anderson

    Jan 10, 2015 at 2:04 pm

    I am blown away by your wisdom that I will probably create the points in this article as a poster on my wall or (and!) my computer wallpaper. I am overwhelming impressed by your ability and accomplishments at your age. (NOT an ageism statement: I’m just getting out of my way in my early 60s–imagine that) Thank you! I have hope for our future.

  14. Emily Filloramo

    Jan 9, 2015 at 3:27 pm

    Great post Aaron! The ONE thing that so many people lack is the BELIEF in themselves that they can be extraordinary and achieve big.

    The fears are all rooted in the past – the parts of them that are stuck in old memories of shame, rejection and unworthiness. These old significant negative emotional events from childhood run 90% of our subconscious. We can dream big all we want but the “skeletons in the closet” put the brakes on our lives.

    How to fix it? Well… you have to shine the flashlight into the dark corners of your mind and invest in personal growth to unburden and release the negative energies at the source. For some, that means investing in a psychotherapist, for others, the high functioning, psychologically healthy, it means investing in a coach.

    The most powerful modality of healing and getting unstuck from the negative self-talk and inner conflict is the “Internal Family Systems” modality of healing and self-leadership. You will get unstuck for good and your self-esteem will soar permanently, really.

    I have a book coming out in April ’15 (New Chapter Press), that will talk about all of this.

    Book title is “Erase Negative Self-Talk Now! How to Unleash Your Best Self”

    • Richard L Wiseman

      Jan 9, 2015 at 8:10 pm

      You’re absolutely right and I’ll be buying your book. I know that I was programmed by my family life as a child to be negative about myself and I’ve struggled for nearly 50 years, been to therapy etcetera and I’ve made progress, but deep inside I can’t escape the power those everyday criticism and negative remarks have over me. I try to fight hard against making myself fail and yet I just can’t get rid of the negative fibres in the woven fabric of my ‘self’. So I’ll buy your book in April, for sure and I believe you are right.

  15. Venkatesha N

    Jan 8, 2015 at 6:47 pm

    1. Fear of rejection
    2. Consists action
    3. Low self image
    4, being comfort zone

    Action
    Work hard
    Get the clear picture and put action to achieve the goals

  16. Mathias

    Jan 8, 2015 at 4:56 pm

    Nice write-up! I think it’s important to start focusing more on these limiting factors, as that is the first step to overcoming them! It’s true that you need to clarify a strong vision and cultivate an extraordinary mentality in order to achieve greatness.

    I think a number 5 could be added though; The fear of responsibility. Being afraid of taking responsibility for your actions, behavior and life is what is keeping so many people from giving up the comfortable conformity of our mediocre society.

  17. madan

    Jan 8, 2015 at 2:23 pm

    Lucky enough to have learnt about addicted2success.com.

  18. Rose Costas

    Jan 8, 2015 at 7:37 am

    Thanks Aaron for this encouragement. This is a new year and the perfect time to take a look at ones self and to make that decision to go out and make things happen. I too have lived in the mediocrity area of society for too long and have decided to take it to the next level and that is to be great for the rest of my life. Thanks for sharing.

  19. Arthur Morta

    Jan 8, 2015 at 6:55 am

    Its the dominant thoughts in between your ears that determine the destiny of your Life! Concentrating on the mundane that trip you up in the here and now will derail you from the success of the end goal

  20. RAGHAV KALRA

    Jan 8, 2015 at 5:17 am

    Holding me to achieve my success:
    1 Fear of failure
    2 constant worry about future
    3 fear that i will be noticed and fear of judging by others
    4 and i am not that physically strong, so fear of someone beating me.
    Steps taken by me:
    1 started doing the things which i used to fear like public speaking.

    • Joel Brown

      Joel Brown

      Jan 8, 2015 at 12:34 pm

      Thanks for sharing these with us Raghav 🙂

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Success Advice

Practice These 4 No’s for Greater Success

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Image Credit: Unsplash

In much of the success literature and in the applied motivational literature that is developed today, the explicit suggestions contained within are to practice certain behaviors for a certain outcome. So, you may see information with titles such as, “Do these four things for greater happiness”, or, “Perform the seven steps every morning for more focus”.

Not only am I a large proponent of these quick and distilled attributes of behavior change to bring about greater levels of whatever the outcome should be, I am also an author of a great many of them. The notion of cause and effect is explicit in applied motivation. If you want to change and affect then do not work on the effect directly, work on the cause that will invariably change the outcome.

So many of us try to psychologically bully our conscious mind into various effects, when all we really need to do is understand the causes. Thoughts drive behavior. If you change the thought the behavior must change. But can you increase your level of overall well-being by NOT doing certain things? And I know the answer is yes. It all begins with a shift in our perception and the thought process.

“If you realized how powerful your thoughts are, you would never think a negative thought.” – Peace Pilgrim

Here are four NO’s that you may want to stop practicing. And by virtue of not doing these things you will have more mental room, and idea space between your positive notions for greater levels of contentment and well-being.

1. There are no justified discontentment’s

If the laws of cause and effect, and the law of attraction hold true, then we are where we are right now by virtue of our past behaviors, which are a direct result of our past beginning. So don’t be mad over your current situation, you created it! If you want to be happy, change it! But don’t just sit there and bask in your discontentment; bring about the necessary changes that you require.

In the words of James Ray, “a person of power embraces challenges and complete gratitude. No matter the situation life may bring, discontent is never justified, but rather all is experienced as an opportunity and privilege to adventure and grow.”

2. There are no justified excuses

The present is a doorway that balances past events with future circumstances. When we begin to fully grasp the idea that there is no dress rehearsal, we are on Broadway; that there is no scrimmage, today we are in the Super Bowl, we begin to realize that our life is a series of micro adjustments and that we are in total and complete control over them. Instead of wasting time making excuses for poor decisions, spend that time in fine-tuning future decisions to make up for those poor decisions of the past.

3. There are no justified complaints

We complain about a situation for one of two reasons. One, to elicit pity from another and, two, to transfer the issue we are complaining about to somebody else. Either behavior is destructive to the current personal relationship and will only serve to undermine future transactions with that individual.

Be a person of higher self-esteem; handle your issues in silence then speak to another individual about your successful outcomes. By doing so, you have altered your focus on a positive outcome instead of our negative conditions. By the way, there is always a successful outcome! If you can find it, look deeper, it’s there!

“Champions never complain, they are too busy getting better.” – John Wooden

4. There are no justified resentments

None, zip, zilch, zero! That person that borrowed $500 off you and never paid you back, forgive them. That significant other that dropped you like a hot coal just when you needed them the most, forgive them. That business partner that screwed you to the wall and caused you to lose a vast amount of money, forgive them. Remember, forgiveness is not about them, it’s about you. By letting go of the resentments that you have toward other people you open yourself up to the endless possibilities of bountiful manifestations that can occur because of your positive attitude and constructive optimism.

Think of these four big No’s! Number them, with number one being the one which you practice and think about the most. Then answer the following questions:

  • What can I do to alter this behavior and/or thought process?
  • What situations do I encounter and lead me in this behavior and/or thought process?
  • Can I avoid those situations?
  • If so, am I willing to avoid those situations?

Then do that with the second the third and the fourth big No’s. What will happen after enough time is that you will no longer be looking for situations to offend you, rather you will begin to open up to the possibilities of what the world and the universe have to offer you in a positive, enthusiastic, and engaging light.

I look forward to your comments, opinions, and suggestions. Please feel free to write them below.

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Success Advice

9 Ways To Build Unbreakable Confidence From The Outside In

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Build Self Confidence

There are a million different resources and pieces of advice out there from “experts” on how to build confidence, particularly self-confidence.

A vulnerable and anxious population consumes this guidance like they are starving for it… probably because they are. The dream of being able to overcome all fear and self-imposed limits by simply reading some advice is a very tempting dish indeed.

After lifetimes of being subject to images and ideals that they cannot possibly live up to, people start to feel like they are “less than.” This fear of being a substandard human being drives some of us to seek guidance, bringing us into contact with the murky, over-crowded world of self-help products and services.

Look, some of the stuff out there is good – I know, I’ve tried most of it. However, some of it is very misguided and even delusional.

People who lack self-confidence themselves can take a class on basic theoretical knowledge of psychological research, and use it to excrete volumes of garbage about how to build self-esteem and confidence. They then charge copious amounts of money for this drivel, which usually makes you feel great temporarily but does absolutely nothing to change your long term situation.

I’m not going to pretend I know it all, yet what I do have to offer is that I have completed the full journey, from shy, “nice,” and trying to please everyone, all the way through to where I am now.

You may ask, where is that, and what does being confident mean to me? It means that these things now occur in my life where they didn’t before:

  • I regularly seek out opportunities to push boundaries and expand my comfort zone, running towards fear rather than away from it
  • I can go into a situation full of anxiety and quickly push through that to enable me to feel competent and at ease
  • I feel comfortable being honest in all situations. Rather than hide my views, I express them calmly and diplomatically where required, but also without compromise
  • I place my needs above everything else. I am selfish about developing my life and inner-self, because I know that ultimately the people in my life will benefit from me being a better person
  • Most importantly from my point of view, I can’t remember the last time I felt jealousy or envy, and it’s been many, many years since I entertained the idea of wanting to be anyone else

So how did I get to this from being a “nice” guy that did all I could to avoid confrontation and anxiety-provoking situations? Well, it wasn’t easy! I have taken some time to break down the steps I took to achieve this in order to help others out there who are similar to me and serious about developing true, unbreakable inner confidence.

See the secret is really no secret at all – it’s about constantly taking action in a way that pushes your comfort zone further out until you learn how to make any situation feel like it’s in your comfort zone.

Below are 9 ways to build unbreakable confidence from the outside in:

1. Identifying your ultimate dream lifestyle

Something that is a real confidence drainer is not knowing where you’re going in life. The great thing is you don’t even need to be sure about it; you just need to have a direction to travel in.

Try taking 30 minutes to write down a descriptive paragraph or two about what your life would look like if you could wave a magic wand and choose anything. I’ve found with my clients that answering these three questions in detail is a great structure to use:

1What will you have / what will you be doing?

2) How would other people describe you?

3) What will you think about yourself?

Writing down the detailed answers to these questions, using emotional and descriptive language. Once you’ve done this, make sure you re-read it regularly (at least twice per week) to remind yourself constantly about why it is you are getting out of bed.

This will increase your sense of purpose in life, a reason to live in a way, which will increase your confidence. Of course, to actually achieve this dream lifestyle, there are further steps you need to take… (read on).

2. Writing down goals and striving to achieve them

I remember reading about a study at Oxford University: researchers asked all students in a class who had written down their goals. I can’t remember the exact details but about 3% of them did this.

When the researchers revisited the students again 20 years later, the small group who had written down goals were earning a combined income that was greater than the combined income of all 97% of their classmates.

There are plenty of free resources out there on how to write goals (including The Inspirational Lifestyle). The general key I recommend is that rather than write outcome based goals (e.g. “I will get a promotion”) try writing action-based goals that are under your control (e.g. “I will take a management course and then apply for a promotion”).

By making sure the goals are under your control, your confidence is not subject to luck. Remove luck by making sure that nothing and no-one can affect the achievement of your goal except for you.

3. Reading popular self-development books by successful business people

While there are far too many refuse-bin-worthy self-development books out there, your safest bet is to read the memoirs and how-to books which are written by people who have actually achieved something.

It really is simple; if someone like Richard Branson is a billionaire, he’s probably a pretty reliable source of information on how to make money. It’s much better to listen to him than someone fresh from completing an MBA and spilling a bunch of inexperienced theory-based conjecture.

4Learning how to manage your state of mind

Most of the time the reason you feel anxious or nervous about a situation you’re about to go into, such as public speaking, is because you’re in the wrong frame of mind.

Imagine this: you’ve been studying accounting for three straights hours without interruption, when all of a sudden you’re dragged to a party. Straight away you feel anxiety even though going to a party is not an unusual situation for you. So what’s the problem?

Your brain was set into the “studying” state, which is secluded, quiet, and antisocial. You are then thrown into a situation which requires you to be extroverted, talkative and social. This is a really uncomfortable imbalance for your brain to handle. The solution? Taking baby steps.

When you realize you are feeling anxiety about an upcoming situation and you suspect that it is because of being in the wrong state, try to figure out some in-between steps you can take.

Using our example above, rather than going straight to the party, you could have a chat on the phone with some close friends, followed by pre-drinks at your house with just a few people. This way by the time you get to the party your state has gone from withdrawn to outgoing in easy to manage steps.

confidence picture quote

5Understanding the balance between learning, mentoring and action

One of the most common barriers to success is too much thinking and not enough doing. It’s the doing that builds confidence, not the learning.

As a general rule, for every hour you spend reading or watching videos (passive learning), you will benefit most by complementing this with two hours of mentoring or coaching, and seven hours practicing or otherwise taking action. It’s the 10/20/70 rule.

This is why I’ve titled this article “9 ways to build confidence from the outside in,” because building confidence goes far beyond just reading inspirational or educational books. It’s about taking action so you will start seeing results and positive changes.

6. Approaching strangers

This is one of the scariest things for people to do – very few can do it sober without a background in cold-calling or sales of some kind. Doing this is a really powerful way to build confidence, particularly if you’re single and approaching strangers with the intention of potential romance.

If you can get yourself to do this sober and during the day, it makes everything else seem a lot less scary. You can learn to love rejection as the learning and feedback experience it really is.

7. Trying new things regularly

Having a routine can kill your creativity and make your life boring. It’s important to seek new adventures, and always try new things regularly because it can boost your confidence through the following two ways.

1) By learning a range of skills and having varied experiences, you start building up transferable abilities. Over time less situations will seem totally unknown because you will have done something similar before.

For example, I found I really enjoyed salsa dancing despite never having danced before, because it combined my previous experiences of playing in a band and doing martial arts.

2) You will eventually find those things that bring you the most pleasure and satisfaction (in a non-creepy way of course).

Confidence is often also described as “conscious competence,” which basically means that if you are doing something that you are skilled at, and you know that you are skilled, you feel confident.

8. Surrounding yourself with successful people

Successful people always say “how can we do this?” whereas unsuccessful people generally say “why should we do this?

What kind of people do you spend the most time with? Until you develop a strong inner core of confidence that others cannot touch, you need to surround yourself with “can do” people in order to feed on their confidence.

People showing you that anything is possible, and that they believe you are capable of anything will go a long way towards helping you believe this yourself.

9. Making a conscious effort to stop caring about other’s opinions of you

Finally, the biggest lesson I ever really learned about developing true all-round confidence is that the only person I should compare myself to is… myself. There is nothing to be gained in comparing myself to others or trying to live to others expectations.

Confidence comes from setting your own expectations of yourself and then trying your best to live up to them. I am not saying that you shouldn’t compete with others, because that’s a great motivator too, but your results and progress should only be measured against your past self.

Well that’s it. There’s a million other things you can do, but I am sure that if you start with this list and TAKE ACTION rather than just read this and do nothing, then you will start to see big changes in how you feel about yourself.

Which one of the above 9 ways to build unbreakable confidence resonated most with you and why?

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Success Advice

It’s Not How Smart You Are That Defines Your Career — It’s This

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Image Credit: Unsplash

Look around the office you work in. Some people are managers. Some people make six-figure salaries. Some people are senior executives. Some people work in customer service on the frontline.

It’s a big mistake to think that where you are in your career has something to do with how smart you are.

I’ve met many smart people who crash and burn in their careers because they have to be always right or they overthink, or they know a lot about the wrong things or they have very low emotional intelligence causing them to upset many people at the same time.

If being smart made us successful then we’d all go and consume endless information and become millionaires shortly after.

Being smart is not enough.

So what does define your career and the success you have?


1. How badly you want it

The woman/man that became CEO wanted it more.

The person with the 7-figure business wanted it more.

The woman that won an Olympic Gold Medal wanted it more.

You have to want your goals really, really, really bad.

Wanting something so badly that you’re prepared to do anything to get there (ethically) is how you get the energy to overcome the rejection and failure it’s going to take to get reach that point.

I wanted to share my story and inspire people with it very badly. I thought of creating a WordPress website, but I had no idea how to and had zero technical skill. My knowledge of how to market that website was also zero.
I tried creating a Facebook Page and to date, it still has less than 3000 followers which means I fall short by a lot in terms of my target to inspire millions of people.

I tried using Twitter and reaching people that way. I was never able to get any real engagement. I’d tweet Elon Musk. I’d message Tony Robbins. I’d write the best tweet humanly possible. It all led nowhere.

I tried using a blogging platform called Medium. I was able to build a small following, but most people in my area of the world don’t use it. I still came up short of my goal.

Then, I tried writing on a blog that already had lots of viewers called Addicted2Success and began posting on LinkedIn daily.

Everything changed. I wanted to inspire people so badly that I kept trying until I found a platform that worked for what I had to say. Wanting it badly enough was what helped me keep going from 2014 until now. It didn’t stop there, though.

When my career took a turn down a black hole, my motivation died. Suddenly, writing on Addicted2Success and LinkedIn became hard. I didn’t want it as bad because the pain caused by my work life was too much. I let things slip temporarily for about 3 weeks. Engagement went to an all-time low.

It didn’t last long, though. Why? My thinking changed when I reminded myself how upset I would be if I didn’t achieve my goal. It meant far too much and in the back of my mind, I still wanted it badly.

I went back over all the emails from people I’d helped and that spark came back. Deep down, I still wanted it badly. I still wanted to inspire millions of people.

Wanting it bad was what helped me to revive my blogging career and continue helping millions of people.

Wanting it badly will define your career.


2. What you think is possible

I met a guy earlier in the year that came from a farm in the middle of Outback Australia.

He’d sold his digital marketing business for a lot of money and banked a huge amount of coin as a result. He had no tech background. He had no business knowledge. He didn’t have seven-figure friends that drove Bentley’s.

What he had was an uncanny ability to think anything was possible. He saw himself rising above his circumstances even though he had no evidence to prove that he could do so. He worked long hours and built up a team of cult followers. They learned together how to get businesses exposure through social media and search engines.

For many of the people on his team, it was their first job. He didn’t pay them well because he couldn’t. All he thought was that one day, together, they’d do something incredible — and they did.

A lot of what happens in your career is based on how you think. If you think you can never be a manager, entrepreneur or executive, then you won’t be.

If you think you can be good at public speaking, you might.
If you think you can hit your sales target, you might.
If you think you can start a successful business, you might.
If you’re not successful right now, you will be.

It’s only a matter of time until one of the bets in your career pays off

It’s a combination of being ready, being humble, thinking right and having the skills to execute. Not thinking you can achieve big will rob you of whatever it is that you want in your career.

I shouldn’t be a successful blogger because I can’t write that well, I have bad spelling/grammar skills, I don’t own a blog and I’m not filthy rich. Despite all that I’ve achieved my blogging goal.

I saw my goal become possible before anybody else did.

I told myself that every major challenge was necessary for me to eventually get what I wanted. I thought my goal was possible even though all the facts suggested it wasn’t. Instead of relying on data I relied on my own mind to lead me down the right path.

I chose to believe when no one else did.

This very way of thinking is not unique to me. Many of the leaders around the world that shape the human race think in the same way.

What you think is possible in your career will define what goals you can achieve.

Your thinking defines your career.
Being smart isn’t enough.

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Success Advice

How to Create Your Own Version of Success

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Success is in the eye of the beholder. And because every human being sees life and all the things that come with it through their lens of experience, everyone’s individual idea of life, growth and success is defined by what they see, hear, think, feel and taste. This means that you have the power to determine what success means to you.

Many of the greatest thought-leaders, business people and influencers throughout history have provided their thoughts and opinions about success –  how to achieve it, how to manage it and how to be it. They’ve written books that are supposed to share with the world how success is merely a feeling and a wish. While many of the most successful people have warned that success is what you make of it, society has coined “success” as being wealthy, influential, famous, and lavish.

You may be thinking, “I’m not rich, but I’m well off,” or “I’m not a social media influencer, so I don’t have much clout.” But here is the truth: You, just the way you are, are already a success. Here’s why. Think of all the things that have happened in your life – the good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful. Up until this very moment, you have made a series of choices that have shaped your reality.

Therefore, you have created the life you have, and you have set the terms of how you decide to live your life. Not to suggest that your life is perfect because no ones life is exactly as they want it, but the fact that you have created your reality shows that you are a creator. It also shows that you are in charge of creating the success you desire.

“Success is not in what you have, but who you are.” – Bo Bennett

Even if you feel like you should be so much further along than you are today, you still made it to today and that’s a good thing. If you are reading this feeling like you need to shift things around in your life so that you can feel like a success, try these three things below.

  1. Jot down all the words that you think of when you read the word “success,” and mark the words that align with who you are. Ask yourself what you believe you need to feel like a success. Only write down what resonates with you, not what you think people expect of you. Remember, that you are defining your journey, so you get to make up all the rules.
  2. Now, write down all the words you think about when you read the word “unsuccessful,” and mark all the words that may describe some aspect of you that you want to eliminate. Don’t just consider the big stuff, small stuff matters too! Procrastinating to get out of bed in the morning, drinking too much soda, or even spending too much time watching television are all examples of habits that could in some way affect your personal growth.
  3. Lastly, create an SAP (Success Attack Plan) to align yourself with more of the descriptive words that you associate with success and start to eliminate the characteristics you may possess that depict you as less than who you desire to be.

Your Success Attack Plan doesn’t have to be elaborate. It can start with an actionable idea as simple as, “Read one book this month about personal development,” or “Connect with someone who can mentor me.” Sometimes, you have to look to those who have been where you are to help you get where you desire to be. Just remember, your journey won’t look like theirs so pay attention to your inner being at all times and do what feels natural and right to your situation.

“There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way and not starting.” – Buddha

When you create your lists, be as imaginative as possible. Consider those people, places and things around you. Think about what you like and don’t like. Ponder on energy you want to attract that you do not already have and things you want to repel.

Don’t worry about setting a timeline for this. Creating a vision for your life starts with setting an intention at this moment and allowing that intention to lead you in the days to come. To see yourself five years from now, you have to do the things today that will help you get to the future.

Don’t allow others to tell you what you should aspire to be when it comes to success. You are in command, and you are in charge of your present and your future. Own it, own your success and own you.

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10 Tips to Create Time and Space for Both Your Goals and Your Loved Ones

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Let’s face it, there are only 24 hours in a day and we all have the same 24 hours. How we spend those 24 hours will determine how much we have to show for them. Whether you are just starting out on a new venture, or perhaps you are taking an existing project or business to the next level, it takes a lot of time, energy and commitment to make it happen. But our personal relationships take the same components to function happily as well. (more…)

Naomi Stone enjoys traveling near and far and spending time with family, especially family dinners and spendovers with her three nieces. Naomi also enjoys scrapbooking, photography, gardening, and craft shows. She works with All In Packaging and you can reach her at stone99naomi@gmail.com

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26 Comments

26 Comments

  1. Bertie

    Feb 15, 2016 at 4:29 pm

    For me, the biggest hurdle is to mantain the vision in the long term. I can begin a project with a very clearly defined picture of what I want it to be, but then there is the need to go through all the weary, tedious tasks needed to achieve the goal. And this is the most dangerous point. You begin to feel tired, bored and drained out of energy, and that clear initial vision begins to fade away, so you end up like lost in the forest. Are there any hints to deal with this state of mind?

    • Aaron Huie

      Sep 7, 2018 at 6:17 am

      Hey bertie, Aaron here. I wrote this article about three years ago. I know what you mean about the vision aspect. The point on doing things even when you don’t feel like it speaks to that issue, however sometimes I will intentionally leave a project for a while when I have become exhausted or overwhelmed or just damn bored. Give it some time and then come back to the project not by approaching the project itself but by revisiting some of the sources of inspiration that pushed you to start the project in the first place.

  2. ankit soni

    Apr 15, 2015 at 10:20 pm

    Great

  3. bosede omisore

    Feb 16, 2015 at 2:48 pm

    what if you are faced with unseen circumstances . forces and all people can do is to pity you . you tried and tried and it seems nothing happened . you keep on stugling and struggling.
    even all the men of God you come in contact with told you that what you need is God special mercy and help. what can you do in such circumstances

  4. DP

    Jan 23, 2015 at 2:48 am

    Defining your vision is key. Without it, you have no direction. Good read!

  5. DP

    Jan 22, 2015 at 5:45 pm

    Good read. Letting doubt creep in is a momentum killer. Any time you spend moping and feeling bad about your situation is time not spent focusing on your goal. Forcing yourself to be positive in the face of adversity eventually becomes second nature and your brain starts to subconsciously guide you towards achievement. It focuses your body to work towards your goal, without you even knowing it. Your entire demeanor starts to change and the results start to follow.

    -DP

  6. Robinson Nkumba

    Jan 21, 2015 at 1:54 pm

    iam learning that to achieve something extra ordinary , i have to think outside the common box and am determined. I will achieve greatness no matter what!

  7. Harry

    Jan 19, 2015 at 3:38 am

    I don’t know how it happened , but my mum and dad wanted to throw a lavish birthday party for me . Everything went okay during that time , until the family video was released and I awoke to a cold truth. I had kyphosis and after seeing myself on camera was pretty much disgusted with myself . People at school and college used to call me hunchback and I can’t tell you how much that smashed into pieces . I told my mum please don’t show this to anyone , but instead she shared it with the whole world . I was also as a child played with by a white woman , I’m actually asian , which I think determines my sexuality today . And then with a white teacher who used to place the books on my crotch just to feel me .
    I have only ever had 1 or 2 not long lasting relationships with women , and maybe 2 or 3 potential other partners but I never shared that with them . I became addicted to cannabis for a long time , say 20 years . I have had long periods where I stopped . Now I think I have overcome that addiction , as well as alcohol through myself . I am blessed in some other ways but do get angry sometimes when I think about the past , and sometimes view the world as a white mans playground . I wanted to be one of those Hollywood type actors when I was young . I told Steve at the end of the day we are all products of environment , circumstance , genes and society and even if you become Mr or misses action tomorrow and be successful that theory will always hold true . Im fortunate to have my own house and car through some family work and generosity from my parents .
    All I want to do now is become Mr muscle while I am trying to find the right goals for me , and I want a beautiful wife and also children in the future . The only thing I have to quit now is tobacco . We all need to make smarter choices , but can’t punish ourselves Everytime we get it wrong .

  8. prisca

    Jan 16, 2015 at 3:09 pm

    I so much enjoyed this article. Thanks.

  9. RAGHAV KALRA

    Jan 11, 2015 at 4:51 pm

    Thanx Emily.

  10. RAGHAV KALRA

    Jan 11, 2015 at 7:02 am

    But if we have all the solutions and resources…then there is still a big enemy known as PROCRASTINATION. I think if we want to overcome it we need to think more about the positive outcomes of the impossible task( which is in our mind).

    • Emily Filloramo

      Jan 11, 2015 at 4:21 pm

      Raghav,

      Procrastination is a protective mechanism that keeps us from taking the steps to achieving our greatness.

      This is a part of us that is afraid of success. It’s afraid of success because it is stuck in some memory from the past (from authority figures and the school) that has us believe that it is not safe to be in the spotlight of success. That’s why we procrastinate.

      In order to overcome procrastination, again, as I’ve said in the comments below, the flashlight must shine into the dark corners of our minds and release the burdens and limiting beliefs that were acquired from significant emotional events. This will erase the negative self-talk for good and stop procrastination all together.

      Hope this explanation helps. It’s not you that’s procrastinating, it’s your parts from the past. -Emily

  11. William

    Jan 11, 2015 at 12:18 am

    Great article, but Thomas Edison was a sadistic psychopath who loved torturing animals. I definitely do not admire him. He thought the crying and yelping sounds animals made was no different that a machine squeaking.

  12. Keith Rozairo

    Jan 10, 2015 at 9:11 pm

    Right on Raghav! The more I read these posts and the comments, the more it steels me to achieve.
    Cheers

  13. Elizabeth Anderson

    Jan 10, 2015 at 2:04 pm

    I am blown away by your wisdom that I will probably create the points in this article as a poster on my wall or (and!) my computer wallpaper. I am overwhelming impressed by your ability and accomplishments at your age. (NOT an ageism statement: I’m just getting out of my way in my early 60s–imagine that) Thank you! I have hope for our future.

  14. Emily Filloramo

    Jan 9, 2015 at 3:27 pm

    Great post Aaron! The ONE thing that so many people lack is the BELIEF in themselves that they can be extraordinary and achieve big.

    The fears are all rooted in the past – the parts of them that are stuck in old memories of shame, rejection and unworthiness. These old significant negative emotional events from childhood run 90% of our subconscious. We can dream big all we want but the “skeletons in the closet” put the brakes on our lives.

    How to fix it? Well… you have to shine the flashlight into the dark corners of your mind and invest in personal growth to unburden and release the negative energies at the source. For some, that means investing in a psychotherapist, for others, the high functioning, psychologically healthy, it means investing in a coach.

    The most powerful modality of healing and getting unstuck from the negative self-talk and inner conflict is the “Internal Family Systems” modality of healing and self-leadership. You will get unstuck for good and your self-esteem will soar permanently, really.

    I have a book coming out in April ’15 (New Chapter Press), that will talk about all of this.

    Book title is “Erase Negative Self-Talk Now! How to Unleash Your Best Self”

    • Richard L Wiseman

      Jan 9, 2015 at 8:10 pm

      You’re absolutely right and I’ll be buying your book. I know that I was programmed by my family life as a child to be negative about myself and I’ve struggled for nearly 50 years, been to therapy etcetera and I’ve made progress, but deep inside I can’t escape the power those everyday criticism and negative remarks have over me. I try to fight hard against making myself fail and yet I just can’t get rid of the negative fibres in the woven fabric of my ‘self’. So I’ll buy your book in April, for sure and I believe you are right.

  15. Venkatesha N

    Jan 8, 2015 at 6:47 pm

    1. Fear of rejection
    2. Consists action
    3. Low self image
    4, being comfort zone

    Action
    Work hard
    Get the clear picture and put action to achieve the goals

  16. Mathias

    Jan 8, 2015 at 4:56 pm

    Nice write-up! I think it’s important to start focusing more on these limiting factors, as that is the first step to overcoming them! It’s true that you need to clarify a strong vision and cultivate an extraordinary mentality in order to achieve greatness.

    I think a number 5 could be added though; The fear of responsibility. Being afraid of taking responsibility for your actions, behavior and life is what is keeping so many people from giving up the comfortable conformity of our mediocre society.

  17. madan

    Jan 8, 2015 at 2:23 pm

    Lucky enough to have learnt about addicted2success.com.

  18. Rose Costas

    Jan 8, 2015 at 7:37 am

    Thanks Aaron for this encouragement. This is a new year and the perfect time to take a look at ones self and to make that decision to go out and make things happen. I too have lived in the mediocrity area of society for too long and have decided to take it to the next level and that is to be great for the rest of my life. Thanks for sharing.

  19. Arthur Morta

    Jan 8, 2015 at 6:55 am

    Its the dominant thoughts in between your ears that determine the destiny of your Life! Concentrating on the mundane that trip you up in the here and now will derail you from the success of the end goal

  20. RAGHAV KALRA

    Jan 8, 2015 at 5:17 am

    Holding me to achieve my success:
    1 Fear of failure
    2 constant worry about future
    3 fear that i will be noticed and fear of judging by others
    4 and i am not that physically strong, so fear of someone beating me.
    Steps taken by me:
    1 started doing the things which i used to fear like public speaking.

    • Joel Brown

      Joel Brown

      Jan 8, 2015 at 12:34 pm

      Thanks for sharing these with us Raghav 🙂

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Success Advice

Practice These 4 No’s for Greater Success

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In much of the success literature and in the applied motivational literature that is developed today, the explicit suggestions contained within are to practice certain behaviors for a certain outcome. So, you may see information with titles such as, “Do these four things for greater happiness”, or, “Perform the seven steps every morning for more focus”.

Not only am I a large proponent of these quick and distilled attributes of behavior change to bring about greater levels of whatever the outcome should be, I am also an author of a great many of them. The notion of cause and effect is explicit in applied motivation. If you want to change and affect then do not work on the effect directly, work on the cause that will invariably change the outcome.

So many of us try to psychologically bully our conscious mind into various effects, when all we really need to do is understand the causes. Thoughts drive behavior. If you change the thought the behavior must change. But can you increase your level of overall well-being by NOT doing certain things? And I know the answer is yes. It all begins with a shift in our perception and the thought process.

“If you realized how powerful your thoughts are, you would never think a negative thought.” – Peace Pilgrim

Here are four NO’s that you may want to stop practicing. And by virtue of not doing these things you will have more mental room, and idea space between your positive notions for greater levels of contentment and well-being.

1. There are no justified discontentment’s

If the laws of cause and effect, and the law of attraction hold true, then we are where we are right now by virtue of our past behaviors, which are a direct result of our past beginning. So don’t be mad over your current situation, you created it! If you want to be happy, change it! But don’t just sit there and bask in your discontentment; bring about the necessary changes that you require.

In the words of James Ray, “a person of power embraces challenges and complete gratitude. No matter the situation life may bring, discontent is never justified, but rather all is experienced as an opportunity and privilege to adventure and grow.”

2. There are no justified excuses

The present is a doorway that balances past events with future circumstances. When we begin to fully grasp the idea that there is no dress rehearsal, we are on Broadway; that there is no scrimmage, today we are in the Super Bowl, we begin to realize that our life is a series of micro adjustments and that we are in total and complete control over them. Instead of wasting time making excuses for poor decisions, spend that time in fine-tuning future decisions to make up for those poor decisions of the past.

3. There are no justified complaints

We complain about a situation for one of two reasons. One, to elicit pity from another and, two, to transfer the issue we are complaining about to somebody else. Either behavior is destructive to the current personal relationship and will only serve to undermine future transactions with that individual.

Be a person of higher self-esteem; handle your issues in silence then speak to another individual about your successful outcomes. By doing so, you have altered your focus on a positive outcome instead of our negative conditions. By the way, there is always a successful outcome! If you can find it, look deeper, it’s there!

“Champions never complain, they are too busy getting better.” – John Wooden

4. There are no justified resentments

None, zip, zilch, zero! That person that borrowed $500 off you and never paid you back, forgive them. That significant other that dropped you like a hot coal just when you needed them the most, forgive them. That business partner that screwed you to the wall and caused you to lose a vast amount of money, forgive them. Remember, forgiveness is not about them, it’s about you. By letting go of the resentments that you have toward other people you open yourself up to the endless possibilities of bountiful manifestations that can occur because of your positive attitude and constructive optimism.

Think of these four big No’s! Number them, with number one being the one which you practice and think about the most. Then answer the following questions:

  • What can I do to alter this behavior and/or thought process?
  • What situations do I encounter and lead me in this behavior and/or thought process?
  • Can I avoid those situations?
  • If so, am I willing to avoid those situations?

Then do that with the second the third and the fourth big No’s. What will happen after enough time is that you will no longer be looking for situations to offend you, rather you will begin to open up to the possibilities of what the world and the universe have to offer you in a positive, enthusiastic, and engaging light.

I look forward to your comments, opinions, and suggestions. Please feel free to write them below.

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Success Advice

9 Ways To Build Unbreakable Confidence From The Outside In

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Build Self Confidence

There are a million different resources and pieces of advice out there from “experts” on how to build confidence, particularly self-confidence.

A vulnerable and anxious population consumes this guidance like they are starving for it… probably because they are. The dream of being able to overcome all fear and self-imposed limits by simply reading some advice is a very tempting dish indeed.

After lifetimes of being subject to images and ideals that they cannot possibly live up to, people start to feel like they are “less than.” This fear of being a substandard human being drives some of us to seek guidance, bringing us into contact with the murky, over-crowded world of self-help products and services.

Look, some of the stuff out there is good – I know, I’ve tried most of it. However, some of it is very misguided and even delusional.

People who lack self-confidence themselves can take a class on basic theoretical knowledge of psychological research, and use it to excrete volumes of garbage about how to build self-esteem and confidence. They then charge copious amounts of money for this drivel, which usually makes you feel great temporarily but does absolutely nothing to change your long term situation.

I’m not going to pretend I know it all, yet what I do have to offer is that I have completed the full journey, from shy, “nice,” and trying to please everyone, all the way through to where I am now.

You may ask, where is that, and what does being confident mean to me? It means that these things now occur in my life where they didn’t before:

  • I regularly seek out opportunities to push boundaries and expand my comfort zone, running towards fear rather than away from it
  • I can go into a situation full of anxiety and quickly push through that to enable me to feel competent and at ease
  • I feel comfortable being honest in all situations. Rather than hide my views, I express them calmly and diplomatically where required, but also without compromise
  • I place my needs above everything else. I am selfish about developing my life and inner-self, because I know that ultimately the people in my life will benefit from me being a better person
  • Most importantly from my point of view, I can’t remember the last time I felt jealousy or envy, and it’s been many, many years since I entertained the idea of wanting to be anyone else

So how did I get to this from being a “nice” guy that did all I could to avoid confrontation and anxiety-provoking situations? Well, it wasn’t easy! I have taken some time to break down the steps I took to achieve this in order to help others out there who are similar to me and serious about developing true, unbreakable inner confidence.

See the secret is really no secret at all – it’s about constantly taking action in a way that pushes your comfort zone further out until you learn how to make any situation feel like it’s in your comfort zone.

Below are 9 ways to build unbreakable confidence from the outside in:

1. Identifying your ultimate dream lifestyle

Something that is a real confidence drainer is not knowing where you’re going in life. The great thing is you don’t even need to be sure about it; you just need to have a direction to travel in.

Try taking 30 minutes to write down a descriptive paragraph or two about what your life would look like if you could wave a magic wand and choose anything. I’ve found with my clients that answering these three questions in detail is a great structure to use:

1What will you have / what will you be doing?

2) How would other people describe you?

3) What will you think about yourself?

Writing down the detailed answers to these questions, using emotional and descriptive language. Once you’ve done this, make sure you re-read it regularly (at least twice per week) to remind yourself constantly about why it is you are getting out of bed.

This will increase your sense of purpose in life, a reason to live in a way, which will increase your confidence. Of course, to actually achieve this dream lifestyle, there are further steps you need to take… (read on).

2. Writing down goals and striving to achieve them

I remember reading about a study at Oxford University: researchers asked all students in a class who had written down their goals. I can’t remember the exact details but about 3% of them did this.

When the researchers revisited the students again 20 years later, the small group who had written down goals were earning a combined income that was greater than the combined income of all 97% of their classmates.

There are plenty of free resources out there on how to write goals (including The Inspirational Lifestyle). The general key I recommend is that rather than write outcome based goals (e.g. “I will get a promotion”) try writing action-based goals that are under your control (e.g. “I will take a management course and then apply for a promotion”).

By making sure the goals are under your control, your confidence is not subject to luck. Remove luck by making sure that nothing and no-one can affect the achievement of your goal except for you.

3. Reading popular self-development books by successful business people

While there are far too many refuse-bin-worthy self-development books out there, your safest bet is to read the memoirs and how-to books which are written by people who have actually achieved something.

It really is simple; if someone like Richard Branson is a billionaire, he’s probably a pretty reliable source of information on how to make money. It’s much better to listen to him than someone fresh from completing an MBA and spilling a bunch of inexperienced theory-based conjecture.

4Learning how to manage your state of mind

Most of the time the reason you feel anxious or nervous about a situation you’re about to go into, such as public speaking, is because you’re in the wrong frame of mind.

Imagine this: you’ve been studying accounting for three straights hours without interruption, when all of a sudden you’re dragged to a party. Straight away you feel anxiety even though going to a party is not an unusual situation for you. So what’s the problem?

Your brain was set into the “studying” state, which is secluded, quiet, and antisocial. You are then thrown into a situation which requires you to be extroverted, talkative and social. This is a really uncomfortable imbalance for your brain to handle. The solution? Taking baby steps.

When you realize you are feeling anxiety about an upcoming situation and you suspect that it is because of being in the wrong state, try to figure out some in-between steps you can take.

Using our example above, rather than going straight to the party, you could have a chat on the phone with some close friends, followed by pre-drinks at your house with just a few people. This way by the time you get to the party your state has gone from withdrawn to outgoing in easy to manage steps.

confidence picture quote

5Understanding the balance between learning, mentoring and action

One of the most common barriers to success is too much thinking and not enough doing. It’s the doing that builds confidence, not the learning.

As a general rule, for every hour you spend reading or watching videos (passive learning), you will benefit most by complementing this with two hours of mentoring or coaching, and seven hours practicing or otherwise taking action. It’s the 10/20/70 rule.

This is why I’ve titled this article “9 ways to build confidence from the outside in,” because building confidence goes far beyond just reading inspirational or educational books. It’s about taking action so you will start seeing results and positive changes.

6. Approaching strangers

This is one of the scariest things for people to do – very few can do it sober without a background in cold-calling or sales of some kind. Doing this is a really powerful way to build confidence, particularly if you’re single and approaching strangers with the intention of potential romance.

If you can get yourself to do this sober and during the day, it makes everything else seem a lot less scary. You can learn to love rejection as the learning and feedback experience it really is.

7. Trying new things regularly

Having a routine can kill your creativity and make your life boring. It’s important to seek new adventures, and always try new things regularly because it can boost your confidence through the following two ways.

1) By learning a range of skills and having varied experiences, you start building up transferable abilities. Over time less situations will seem totally unknown because you will have done something similar before.

For example, I found I really enjoyed salsa dancing despite never having danced before, because it combined my previous experiences of playing in a band and doing martial arts.

2) You will eventually find those things that bring you the most pleasure and satisfaction (in a non-creepy way of course).

Confidence is often also described as “conscious competence,” which basically means that if you are doing something that you are skilled at, and you know that you are skilled, you feel confident.

8. Surrounding yourself with successful people

Successful people always say “how can we do this?” whereas unsuccessful people generally say “why should we do this?

What kind of people do you spend the most time with? Until you develop a strong inner core of confidence that others cannot touch, you need to surround yourself with “can do” people in order to feed on their confidence.

People showing you that anything is possible, and that they believe you are capable of anything will go a long way towards helping you believe this yourself.

9. Making a conscious effort to stop caring about other’s opinions of you

Finally, the biggest lesson I ever really learned about developing true all-round confidence is that the only person I should compare myself to is… myself. There is nothing to be gained in comparing myself to others or trying to live to others expectations.

Confidence comes from setting your own expectations of yourself and then trying your best to live up to them. I am not saying that you shouldn’t compete with others, because that’s a great motivator too, but your results and progress should only be measured against your past self.

Well that’s it. There’s a million other things you can do, but I am sure that if you start with this list and TAKE ACTION rather than just read this and do nothing, then you will start to see big changes in how you feel about yourself.

Which one of the above 9 ways to build unbreakable confidence resonated most with you and why?

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Success Advice

It’s Not How Smart You Are That Defines Your Career — It’s This

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Look around the office you work in. Some people are managers. Some people make six-figure salaries. Some people are senior executives. Some people work in customer service on the frontline.

It’s a big mistake to think that where you are in your career has something to do with how smart you are.

I’ve met many smart people who crash and burn in their careers because they have to be always right or they overthink, or they know a lot about the wrong things or they have very low emotional intelligence causing them to upset many people at the same time.

If being smart made us successful then we’d all go and consume endless information and become millionaires shortly after.

Being smart is not enough.

So what does define your career and the success you have?


1. How badly you want it

The woman/man that became CEO wanted it more.

The person with the 7-figure business wanted it more.

The woman that won an Olympic Gold Medal wanted it more.

You have to want your goals really, really, really bad.

Wanting something so badly that you’re prepared to do anything to get there (ethically) is how you get the energy to overcome the rejection and failure it’s going to take to get reach that point.

I wanted to share my story and inspire people with it very badly. I thought of creating a WordPress website, but I had no idea how to and had zero technical skill. My knowledge of how to market that website was also zero.
I tried creating a Facebook Page and to date, it still has less than 3000 followers which means I fall short by a lot in terms of my target to inspire millions of people.

I tried using Twitter and reaching people that way. I was never able to get any real engagement. I’d tweet Elon Musk. I’d message Tony Robbins. I’d write the best tweet humanly possible. It all led nowhere.

I tried using a blogging platform called Medium. I was able to build a small following, but most people in my area of the world don’t use it. I still came up short of my goal.

Then, I tried writing on a blog that already had lots of viewers called Addicted2Success and began posting on LinkedIn daily.

Everything changed. I wanted to inspire people so badly that I kept trying until I found a platform that worked for what I had to say. Wanting it badly enough was what helped me keep going from 2014 until now. It didn’t stop there, though.

When my career took a turn down a black hole, my motivation died. Suddenly, writing on Addicted2Success and LinkedIn became hard. I didn’t want it as bad because the pain caused by my work life was too much. I let things slip temporarily for about 3 weeks. Engagement went to an all-time low.

It didn’t last long, though. Why? My thinking changed when I reminded myself how upset I would be if I didn’t achieve my goal. It meant far too much and in the back of my mind, I still wanted it badly.

I went back over all the emails from people I’d helped and that spark came back. Deep down, I still wanted it badly. I still wanted to inspire millions of people.

Wanting it bad was what helped me to revive my blogging career and continue helping millions of people.

Wanting it badly will define your career.


2. What you think is possible

I met a guy earlier in the year that came from a farm in the middle of Outback Australia.

He’d sold his digital marketing business for a lot of money and banked a huge amount of coin as a result. He had no tech background. He had no business knowledge. He didn’t have seven-figure friends that drove Bentley’s.

What he had was an uncanny ability to think anything was possible. He saw himself rising above his circumstances even though he had no evidence to prove that he could do so. He worked long hours and built up a team of cult followers. They learned together how to get businesses exposure through social media and search engines.

For many of the people on his team, it was their first job. He didn’t pay them well because he couldn’t. All he thought was that one day, together, they’d do something incredible — and they did.

A lot of what happens in your career is based on how you think. If you think you can never be a manager, entrepreneur or executive, then you won’t be.

If you think you can be good at public speaking, you might.
If you think you can hit your sales target, you might.
If you think you can start a successful business, you might.
If you’re not successful right now, you will be.

It’s only a matter of time until one of the bets in your career pays off

It’s a combination of being ready, being humble, thinking right and having the skills to execute. Not thinking you can achieve big will rob you of whatever it is that you want in your career.

I shouldn’t be a successful blogger because I can’t write that well, I have bad spelling/grammar skills, I don’t own a blog and I’m not filthy rich. Despite all that I’ve achieved my blogging goal.

I saw my goal become possible before anybody else did.

I told myself that every major challenge was necessary for me to eventually get what I wanted. I thought my goal was possible even though all the facts suggested it wasn’t. Instead of relying on data I relied on my own mind to lead me down the right path.

I chose to believe when no one else did.

This very way of thinking is not unique to me. Many of the leaders around the world that shape the human race think in the same way.

What you think is possible in your career will define what goals you can achieve.

Your thinking defines your career.
Being smart isn’t enough.

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Success Advice

How to Create Your Own Version of Success

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Success is in the eye of the beholder. And because every human being sees life and all the things that come with it through their lens of experience, everyone’s individual idea of life, growth and success is defined by what they see, hear, think, feel and taste. This means that you have the power to determine what success means to you.

Many of the greatest thought-leaders, business people and influencers throughout history have provided their thoughts and opinions about success –  how to achieve it, how to manage it and how to be it. They’ve written books that are supposed to share with the world how success is merely a feeling and a wish. While many of the most successful people have warned that success is what you make of it, society has coined “success” as being wealthy, influential, famous, and lavish.

You may be thinking, “I’m not rich, but I’m well off,” or “I’m not a social media influencer, so I don’t have much clout.” But here is the truth: You, just the way you are, are already a success. Here’s why. Think of all the things that have happened in your life – the good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful. Up until this very moment, you have made a series of choices that have shaped your reality.

Therefore, you have created the life you have, and you have set the terms of how you decide to live your life. Not to suggest that your life is perfect because no ones life is exactly as they want it, but the fact that you have created your reality shows that you are a creator. It also shows that you are in charge of creating the success you desire.

“Success is not in what you have, but who you are.” – Bo Bennett

Even if you feel like you should be so much further along than you are today, you still made it to today and that’s a good thing. If you are reading this feeling like you need to shift things around in your life so that you can feel like a success, try these three things below.

  1. Jot down all the words that you think of when you read the word “success,” and mark the words that align with who you are. Ask yourself what you believe you need to feel like a success. Only write down what resonates with you, not what you think people expect of you. Remember, that you are defining your journey, so you get to make up all the rules.
  2. Now, write down all the words you think about when you read the word “unsuccessful,” and mark all the words that may describe some aspect of you that you want to eliminate. Don’t just consider the big stuff, small stuff matters too! Procrastinating to get out of bed in the morning, drinking too much soda, or even spending too much time watching television are all examples of habits that could in some way affect your personal growth.
  3. Lastly, create an SAP (Success Attack Plan) to align yourself with more of the descriptive words that you associate with success and start to eliminate the characteristics you may possess that depict you as less than who you desire to be.

Your Success Attack Plan doesn’t have to be elaborate. It can start with an actionable idea as simple as, “Read one book this month about personal development,” or “Connect with someone who can mentor me.” Sometimes, you have to look to those who have been where you are to help you get where you desire to be. Just remember, your journey won’t look like theirs so pay attention to your inner being at all times and do what feels natural and right to your situation.

“There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way and not starting.” – Buddha

When you create your lists, be as imaginative as possible. Consider those people, places and things around you. Think about what you like and don’t like. Ponder on energy you want to attract that you do not already have and things you want to repel.

Don’t worry about setting a timeline for this. Creating a vision for your life starts with setting an intention at this moment and allowing that intention to lead you in the days to come. To see yourself five years from now, you have to do the things today that will help you get to the future.

Don’t allow others to tell you what you should aspire to be when it comes to success. You are in command, and you are in charge of your present and your future. Own it, own your success and own you.

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