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How to Thrive and Survive When You Work for a Bad Boss

Let’s face it, we all have worked for a bad boss.  It doesn’t, however, need to be total misery every day. 

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Being a good leader of others matters now more than ever.  Great leaders have regular one-on-ones with their staff, they give and seek feedback, they set goals, and communicate progress regularly.  Yet, nearly all of us have worked for a bad leader: someone who doesn’t have time for us, always has a “better” way of doing an assigned task, creates last minute emergency work for the team, and have limited availability to speak with us about project work, or more importantly our career.

Adam Grant, a renown organizational psychologist at Wharton Business school reminds us, “bad bosses keep people stuck in the same job; good bosses create opportunities to grow and advance.”  Statistics from 2022 research at DDI, a leadership consulting firm, found that 57% of employees who leave their jobs, leave because they can’t stand their boss.  

Forbes recently identified four key behaviors bad bosses demonstrate that encourage employees to leave their job:  they diminish employees by micromanaging them, they don’t solicit employee input, they encourage agreement while discouraging dissent, and they can’t be bothered to remove obstacles.  

Further, HR.com reports that forty-seven percent of new supervisors receive no supervisor training before being promoted. And, according to the Corporate Executive Board, sixty percent of new managers fail within their first 24 months.

I remember one bad boss I had.  The signs were there before I started:  interviews kept getting rescheduled, even after I showed up! The offer was weeks in making and wrong when I received it.  My manager loved being in charge, but he didn’t want to do the work that came with it.  He rarely spent time with any of us individually because he was too busy billing client hours. 

“You are not your resume, you are your work.” — Seth Godin

He handed off work that was uninteresting and low profile.  One time, he wanted to represent my work at another firm as work of his own.  Needless to say, I left after 9 months.  

I start my leadership programs by asking participants to think of a great leader they’ve worked for.  What did they do that was so compelling?  Inevitably, someone says, “what if you never worked for a good boss?”  Everyone laughs, but sadly it’s true!  Why?  Most likely it’s because organizations don’t take time to develop their aspiring leaders.  

So, you feel stuck.  You work for one of these bad managers, yet you enjoy your work and connect to the company’s mission.  Below are some tips for working with a difficult, even bad manager. These allow you to get you through the experience and continue to learn for yourself along the way.

Take the lead yourself. 

All employees deserve regular interactions with their employees.  These interactions can’t only focus on the work and tasks at hand, they must also focus on you.  Here’s a simple framework for a 1:1 with your boss:  Describe how you’re doing and your well-being.  If you feel constantly overworked, say so.  

Share recent accomplishments.  Discuss what you learned and what you’d do differently next time.  Discuss your challenges and describe ways you can address them, ask your manager to help.  Agree on next steps.  

If this isn’t happening regularly, take the lead.  Schedule 30 minutes with your manager every other week.  Be prepared and send a list of topics like the ones above.  

Find a stress outlet.  

Work out, spend time in nature, work on a hobby, create art, journal, meditate – whatever it takes to keep yourself grounded. Self-care is essential.

Don’t go it alone.  

Find a group of people you can safely talk to about the situation so you can stay sane while trying to make things work. For those who need to talk things out, having a safe place to do so is critical.  Consider talk therapy.  Sometimes it’s not only your manager’s problem; you might be experiencing a rough patch in your life and difficult interactions with your boss make it worse.  

Most employers have an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) included in their benefits.  The resources they recommend are usually covered by your benefit plan and your conversation with them will be completely confidential.  

Be clear about your goals.  

You work with someone who isn’t particularly supportive and even difficult, so take a moment to describe for yourself why you like your job.  You are a smart and capable person, but even the best of the best can be beaten down by tough situations and tough people. 

Avoid fighting so hard and long that you lose who you are in the process.  What are you learning from it?  Even if you work for a bad boss but are learning every day and doing engaging work, the bad boss can be tolerable.  

Find a mentor inside your organization.  

Mentors are usually more senior than you and in a different department.  They understand the politics of the organization and “how we do things here.”  Their insight may help you understand your own manager better. Avoid complaining about your manager to your mentor; it’s just bad form.  

Instead, focus on your aspirations.  Your mentor may even suggest other roles in the organization that you could pursue.  While most senior leaders love to mentor, they won’t reach out to you, so you need to reach out to them.  

Talk to HR if it gets too bad.  

Foul language, sexual innuendos, or just not being available are never acceptable behaviors.  Talk to HR about your challenges.  If you are experiencing a bad boss, most likely others have too.  They will keep your information confidential, but most likely not tell you what actions they might take, because these are confidential issues too.  

Find another role in the company.  

You love the company, but hate your boss?  Seek out other roles inside the company.  Some organizations require you to work in a role for a year before seeking another role so that may limit your options.  You are far better off, however, staying at the company you know than moving to another that you don’t know.  

Know when to cut bait. 

There may come a time when you have had enough. That is OK. This does not make you a quitter; it makes you a survivor. Update your LinkedIn profile; let others find you.  Interact on LinkedIn regularly by finding new connections in organizations you admire. 

Remember:  you don’t have to take a job just because it’s offered to you!  Getting that offer may give you peace of mind to know you have value in the market.

Don’t make the same mistake twice. 

When we end up working for a bad boss, we can often look back and see signs of trouble even before we took the job.  Interview your potential manager after the offer is extended:  What are the goals for the team?  Tell me about your 1:1s. What are your team meetings like?  These questions will give you insights into the role you are moving into, so you avoid a bad manager again.  

Let’s face it, we all have worked for a bad boss.  It doesn’t, however, need to be total misery every day.  Get clear on your professional aspirations and assess whether they are being met, despite your bad boss.  Initiate regular 1:1 check-ins with your boss; aim to broaden the conversation from “what have you done for me lately,” to “here’s a bit more about me and what I’m interested in.”

Janet Polach is a retired Marine officer, as such, she knows a thing or two about what it takes to be a great leader.  She holds a Ph.D. in leadership development and has assisted hundreds of leaders across the globe find their leadership voice in a noisy world.  Her no-nonsense but lighthearted approach creates transformational results for even the most struggling leaders.  She would be delighted to connect with you for a FREE 90-minute coaching conversation to uncover a key issue that is holding you back and create a plan to move you forward.  Janet can be reached at janet@janetpolach.com, www.inthelead.co

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Shift Your Mindset

10 Hidden Psychological Barriers That Are Killing Your Success

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Unconscious Mindset Patterns Blocking Your Success
Image Credit | Joel Brown

Sure, success often gets credited to hard work, talent, and a sprinkle of luck. But dive into psychology, and you’ll find sneaky mental patterns and behaviors messing with your progress.

Here are ten fascinating insights into these hidden barriers, along with some tips to kick them to the curb:

 

1. Unconscious Mental Processes and Performance

Our unconscious mind is like a backstage crew, controlling much of the show without us even knowing. It’s tricky because we can’t always tell if it’s one thought or a gang of them messing with our performance.

  • Why It Happens: Our brain is a multitasking machine, processing loads of info behind the scenes to keep us functioning. This can sometimes trip us up without us realizing it.
  • Example: Imagine prepping for a big presentation. Despite being ready, you feel super anxious. Those jitters could be old memories of past screw-ups haunting you.
  • How to Overcome It: Get into mindfulness and self-reflection. Techniques like journaling can help you spot and deal with these sneaky influences.

 

2. All or Nothing Thinking

Ever see things in black-and-white? That’s a cognitive distortion called all-or-nothing thinking. No gray areas, just extremes.

  • Why It Happens: Our brain loves to simplify stuff, even if it means being unrealistic. It’s like a shortcut that often leads to stress.
  • Example: Thinking you have to be perfect at your job or you’re a total flop. It’s all or nothing, no middle ground.
  • How to Overcome It: Challenge those extreme thoughts. Find the balance and remind yourself that effort and progress matter, even if things aren’t perfect.

 

3. Self-Limiting Beliefs

These pesky beliefs sneak in from past experiences and hold us back. They’re like invisible chains.

  • Why It Happens: Our brain likes to stick to the familiar to avoid failure. These beliefs get formed early and dig in deep.
  • Example: Bombed a math test once and now think you’re doomed to suck at math forever? That’s a self-limiting belief in action.
  • How to Overcome It: Spot these beliefs and question them. Replace them with positive affirmations and look for evidence that proves them wrong.

 

4. Habit Formation and Unconscious Behavior

We’re creatures of habit, with a lot of our actions running on autopilot.

  • Why It Happens: Our brain automates routines to save energy. Handy, but not always helpful.
  • Example: Procrastinating? That’s a habit that can tank your productivity and success.
  • How to Overcome It: Build new, positive habits. Set small, doable goals and track your progress with habit trackers.

 

5. Normative Unconscious Processes

These processes keep us stuck in our comfort zones, resisting necessary changes.

  • Why It Happens: Familiarity feels safe, so our brain resists change even when it’s good for us.
  • Example: Sticking with a job you hate because it’s familiar, even though it’s not what you want.
  • How to Overcome It: Push yourself out of your comfort zone with specific, actionable goals. Get a mentor or coach for support.

 

6. Violation of Social Norms

Going against the grain can be seen as abnormal, but sometimes it’s just what’s needed.

  • Why It Happens: Society’s unwritten rules can be strict, and breaking them can lead to judgment.
  • Example: An entrepreneur taking wild risks might seem reckless, but those risks can lead to big breakthroughs.
  • How to Overcome It: Own your unique approach and find places that value diverse perspectives. Explain your rationale to others and seek support.

 

7. Statistical Rarity and Abnormal Behavior

Just because something is rare doesn’t mean it’s wrong. Context is key.

  • Why It Happens: What’s unusual can be misunderstood, especially without considering cultural and situational factors.
  • Example: Preferring solitude might seem antisocial, but in some cultures, it’s a respected trait.
  • How to Overcome It: Respect cultural differences and find communities that appreciate your uniqueness.

 

8. Personal Distress and Behavior

Behaviors that stress you out can be markers of deeper issues, but not always.

  • Why It Happens: Distress signals can be about deeper problems or just responses to tough situations.
  • Example: Chronic stress from overworking can lead to burnout, tanking your performance and well-being.
  • How to Overcome It: Take care of yourself. Get help if you need it and practice stress management techniques like exercise and meditation.

 

9. Maladaptive Behaviors

These are survival strategies gone wrong, sticking around when they’re no longer useful.

  • Why It Happens: Behaviors that once helped you cope can become harmful if you keep using them in new situations.
  • Example: Avoiding conflict might have been useful before, but now it hinders effective communication.
  • How to Overcome It: Learn new coping strategies that fit your current situation. Practice being assertive and communicating openly.

 

10. Impact of Labels on Behavior

Labels can stick like glue, influencing how we see ourselves and how others see us.

  • Why It Happens: Labels simplify things but can reinforce negative patterns and limit potential.
  • Example: Being called “lazy” can crush your self-esteem and motivation, even if it’s not true.
  • How to Overcome It: Reject negative labels and focus on your strengths. Surround yourself with people who see your potential and support your growth.

 

Understanding these hidden psychological barriers can help you develop better strategies for success.

Recognizing and tackling these unconscious patterns can unlock your full potential and set you on a path to personal and professional growth.

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Change Your Mindset

Navigating The Depths Of Self-Love And Relationships With Stefanos Sifandos

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In the vast expanse of personal development and relational expertise, Stefanos Sifandos emerges as a beacon of transformative wisdom. With a journey spanning over two decades, Stefanos has delved into the intricacies of human psychology, relationship dynamics, and self-evolution, crafting a narrative that resonates with the collective longing for deeper connection and self-awareness. 

Self-Love Journey

From a turbulent childhood marked by violence and uncertainty, Stefanos embarked on a quest to understand human nature, pain, and potential. His empathic nature, fueled by a desire to make sense of his surroundings, led him to a career in personal development and relationship coaching. With over two decades of experience, he has helped countless individuals, from Olympic gold medalists to corporate leaders, navigate the complexities of human relationships and personal growth.

Stefanos’ journey took a pivotal turn when confronted with his own shadow — his infidelity revealed the depth of his unresolved trauma. This moment of reckoning propelled him into a transformative process of self-examination, leading to profound personal and professional growth. His ability to face his darkest fears and embrace vulnerability allowed him to develop a deeper, more authentic connection with himself and others.

Now, as a father and husband, Stefanos continues to evolve, learning from every relationship and experience. His story is a testament to the power of introspection, resilience, and unconditional love. Through his work, he inspires others to embark on their own hero’s journey, encouraging them to confront their fears, embrace their true selves, and build meaningful, lasting connections.

“Healing begins when we traverse the dark corners of our psyche, face our fears, and step into a life of radical transparency and self-acceptance.” Stefanos

Relationship Philosophy

Stefanos, a seasoned expert with over two decades in personal development, harnesses a rich tapestry of experiences to guide individuals through the complexities of relationships and self-love. Drawing from his own transformative journey, marred by childhood trauma and self-discovery, he advocates for a profound connection with one’s own pain and joy as a pathway to deeper understanding and love.

Stefanos’ work, enriched by engagements with diverse high achievers, from Olympic medalists to CEOs, underscores the universal quest for authentic connection and personal evolution. He emphasises the necessity of facing one’s shadow, fostering play and willingness in relationships, and embracing continuous growth. Stefanos’ approach is a blend of empathetic insight and practical wisdom, offering a roadmap to navigating the nuanced dance of masculine and feminine energetics and cultivating relationships that are both deeply fulfilling and spiritually enlightening.

Stefanos illuminates the path to self-love and intimacy through practices rooted in self-awareness and continual growth. With over two decades in personal development, he emphasises the power of stillness and silence, finding these moments essential for introspection and connection with oneself.

Stefanos integrates physical self-care, like cold immersion and sauna use, to maintain a balanced state of mind and body. He champions the importance of play and novelty in relationships, advocating for a playful spirit to sustain and deepen bonds with partners. His journey reveals a commitment to self-exploration and the courage to face personal shadows, fostering a safe space for intimacy to flourish. Stefanos’ narrative is a testament to the transformative power of embracing vulnerability and the continuous pursuit of self-growth, underscoring the belief that true intimacy begins with a profound connection to oneself.

“The sacred dance of giving and receiving in love is a delicate balance, where the truest form of intimacy is found not in the grand gestures, but in the quiet moments of shared vulnerability and presence.” Stefanos

Sex & Intimacy

Discover the life-altering power of non-ejaculatory orgasm, a mystical journey revealed by relationship expert Stefanos. Dive into an ancient realm where men harness their sexual vitality, transcending the fleeting pleasure of climax.

Stefanos unravels the sacred tapestry of sexual energy, guiding us to preserve our life force for profound intimacy and spiritual awakening. Embrace this transformative practice, merging the physical with the divine, and unlock a wellspring of passion, vitality, and connection. This isn’t just sex; it’s an odyssey into the heart of your erotic essence, where every moment pulses with potential and every breath is an invitation to ecstasy.

Stefanos invites you to reclaim your sexual power, not through the relentless pursuit of orgasm, but by cherishing the journey itself, crafting a legacy of love, vitality, and transcendent pleasure.

A Message To The World

If Stefanos had a global platform, his message would be succinct yet profound:

“Do the thing that you’re unwilling to do but that you know you need to do.”

This call to action embodies the essence of his teachings, urging individuals to confront their fears, embrace their truths, and embark on the journey of transformation with courage and openness.

Stefanos’ journey from a tumultuous childhood to a relationship expert underscores the profound transformation possible in the realm of human connections. His 24-year odyssey through personal and professional development, working with an array of high achievers, has equipped him with unique insights into the dynamics of relationships, especially the interplay of masculine and feminine energies.

His work is vital in today’s society, where distractions and external dissonances challenge the essence of human connection. By integrating deep psychological insights with practical experience, Stefanos guides individuals and couples toward cultivating divine unions and authentic relationships. His approach, focusing on inner work, play, and willingness, offers a blueprint for evolving relationships in the modern era. Stefanos’ narrative is not just a story of personal triumph but a beacon for those navigating the complexities of love, intimacy, and self-discovery in our rapidly changing world.

Key Takeaways For Your Self-Love And Relationship Journey

  1. Embrace Your Inner Journey: Recognize that the path to fulfilling relationships and self-love begins with confronting and healing your own traumas and shadows.
  2. Cultivate Presence and Play: Regular engagement in playful activities and mindful presence enhances intimacy and connection in relationships.
  3. Practice Non-Attachment in Love: Explore the depths of intimacy with a balanced approach to sexual expression, understanding that love and desire can exist in expansive, yet grounded ways.
  4. Be Willing and Open: Approach life and relationships with a willingness to engage in difficult conversations, embodying honesty and integrity in your interactions.
  5. Believe in Your Potential: Surround yourself with people who believe in you and support your growth, as relationships are pivotal in navigating the journey towards personal and financial fulfillment.

Connect With Stefanos Sifandos

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Change Your Mindset

The Art of Convincing: 10 Persuasion Techniques That Really Work

The knack for persuading others can act as a catalyst for change, open doors, forge alliances, and effect positive change

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how to be more persuasive

Persuasion is not as complicated as it may sound. In fact, it is something that we have been practicing since childhood. Do you remember convincing your parents to let you skip school, asking your teacher not to assign homework, or persuading your boss to give you a day off? Well, these are just small examples of what persuasion looks like. (more…)

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Personal Development

5 Key Reasons Why Perfectionist’s Procrastinate

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Procrastination Perfectionist Patterns

Hey there! I’m Joel Brown, a procrastination mindset specialist. In my world, it’s all about guiding my students through repatterning exercises to break free from the shackles that prevent them from scaling new heights in life.

Now, you might hear ‘perfectionist’ and think, “Ah, they’re destined for success!” But here’s the real deal: perfectionism is far from a superpower. It’s a sneaky villain in disguise, sapping emotional and physical strength, disrupting sleep, and fueling an endless cycle of rumination—all in the pursuit of getting everything ‘just right.’ This relentless chase is what we call the ‘Obsessive Idealist‘ procrastination type.

If you don’t know which out of. the 6 procrastination types you are then you can take this quick 3 minute procrastination type quiz on my Mindstrong Academy website.

Through my fourteen years of coaching, I’ve identified six procrastination types, but my journey started with a personal revelation—I am an Obsessive Idealist. I’ve been there, constantly toggling between creation and procrastination.

And today, I invite you to explore this path with me. If you’re nodding along, thinking, “That sounds like me; I’m a perfectionist too,” then stick around.

I’m about to shed some light on why you might be stuck in this cycle.

 

Here’s a perfectionist procrastination type video here of what I’m breaking down in this article for you:

The Obsessive Idealist: Unpacking the Perfectionist’s Paradox

First things first, make sure to take the procrastination quiz: mindstrongacademy.com/quiz to see where you stand. Now, let’s dive into the world of the Obsessive Idealist. Often labeled as high achievers or perfectionists, the core of their procrastination lies in the mind’s protective pause. It’s a shield against perceived threats, pitfalls of perfectionism, and the constant battle between the now and the future in our minds.

Here’s the paradox: what seems like a strength for high achievers can become a crippling hindrance. Obsessive Idealists are in a constant struggle to avoid failure, aiming for 100% perfection. But let’s face the truth—no one is perfect. Whether you’re an entrepreneur, athlete, or any individual striving for excellence, embracing imperfections and learning from failures are crucial steps.

 

The Traps of Being an Obsessive Idealist Procrastination Type

Analysis Paralysis: Overthinking every detail to the point of inaction is a common pitfall. It’s like trying to get everything perfect, but in reality, it backfires, stalling your progress.

The Unrealistic Standards Syndrome: Setting impossibly high goals is like chasing a mirage. It’s not just about being competitive; it can lead to unfair self-criticism and unrealistic expectations of others.

The Time Trap: Believing there’s never enough time to complete a task perfectly leads to constant postponement. This selective focus on strengths, while avoiding areas of improvement, limits your true potential.

Avoidance of Criticism: Dodging feedback hinders growth. It’s essential to learn to accept constructive criticism without internalizing it as a reinforcement of the “I’m not good enough” narrative.

The All-or-Nothing Lie: Believing that you must operate at full throttle or not at all is a dangerous misconception. Embracing the middle ground, like delegating tasks and seeking mentorship, is key to balanced success.

Embracing Imperfection: The Path to True Progress

 

In the MindStrong Academy, where I teach conquering procrastination, we focus on managing these patterns effectively. Currently, we’re offering a 7-day free trial, so don’t miss out on this opportunity to transform your mindset: MindStrongAcademy.com The Academy is more than just a course; it’s a community where you’ll find support, accountability, and tailored resources like a 31-day planner and visualization audios to realign your focus.

 

In conclusion, recognizing and managing your tendencies as an Obsessive Idealist is crucial. By addressing the deep-rooted “I’m not good enough” narrative and embracing imperfection, you can shift from a state of constant stress to one of harmonized power.

Remember, movement doesn’t always equate to progress. It’s about finding balance, embracing downtime, and allowing yourself the space to grow and learn.

I encourage you to take the quiz, join the MindStrong Academy, and start your journey towards a more balanced, successful life.

Let’s break free from the chains of perfectionism together!

 

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