Four years ago I committed to stop being mediocre and start living an extraordinary life. Easier said than done. While the decision is not an easy one, I took action instead of talking. The core achievement I wanted was for everyone to remember me.
Not to inflate my ego or make myself sound good, but to do something that would cause people to experience the same positive changes. To do something that made them feel special. Four years on, and I’m starting (slowly) to see what I visualised coming true.
I’ve gone out of my way to be me and to be different. Not to be different for the sake of being different, but to be different for the sake of being vulnerable and living a carefree life. We all start out average and being forgettable.
Things change though when you commit to not giving a damn about what you say and trying to find ways to help others. We can all be like Muhammad Ali or Nelson Mandela. Whether we will carve out the right path though and do so is another question entirely.
“Being the person that everybody remembers requires you to do something extraordinary”
It sounds more simplistic than it really is. It will most likely take years of your life and many of your days will go unnoticed. Often you will be the only one that ever sees’s any progress.
What you see is what matters. You need to see what you can become and a long way into that journey, the people around you may see that same vision. A lot of your success is based entirely on how you see yourself and what you believe you can do.
***A quick story***
Last week, I got the opportunity to speak with someone who has a lot of power to make things happen. They’re someone that is regularly hassled for favors and can make dreams come true. Like with any meeting I have these days, it was someone else’s belief in me that inspired them to introduce me to this lady.
A time was setup for us to have a phone call and the stage was set (so to speak). These conversations have become routine over the last twelve months, and I try my best to top every conversation. By the end of the two-hour conversation, she was left speechless and almost couldn’t hang up.
She didn’t know what to say, and she insisted that we would be working together in some way going forward. This story is not about me; it’s about what can be achieved when you follow the right formula for your life.
Here are the 7 ways you can be the person that everybody remembers:
1. Be over the top
The factory worker education we are given tells us only to speak when spoken to and not to come across too strong or we might scare people away. This is BS and is the opposite of the truth. Go completely over the top and off your rocket.
Be the person in the room that says what they think (while being respectful) and commits to delivering some valuable lesson. Let the sweat pour off you if that’s what it takes. I can guarantee what you have won’t be forgotten if you do.
It’s unlikely that any of the other robots you are with will have the guts to do the same. If they do, then they’re a rare breed, and you should spend as much time as you can with them.
2. You should ooze……
What’s the one thing that should be oozing out of you? Trick question. You should know that passion is what must ooze out of you. In the meeting I had last week I made sure that my passion was clearly demonstrated and I tied back every point of the conversation to that passion.
With this type of conversation structure, it’s virtually impossible for someone not to feel connected to you. People that ooze passion are rare. They’re rare because let’s be honest, a lot of us never find our passion and even if we do, we never execute on it and take action.
We settle for the tools of numbness that advertising tells us we need, rather than becoming present and connecting with like-minded people. The way you talk should be full of excitement, have moments of poise, and your body language should be strong.
3. Shut up
This may seem like the opposite of what I just said. It’s not. While you need to be over the top, passionate and communicate strongly, you always need to leave some bits where you shut up. If you motor mouth your way through an entire meeting and don’t stop, you’ll be hated.
A lot of the connection required to be the person everybody remembers is in you asking brilliant questions, and then listening to the answer. The answers should form the basis for what you say and the parts of your passion that you let shine through.
My conversation last week went for two hours, and I only spoke for around fifty minutes. I did this because I knew that being memorable is not about me.
“Those who focus on the audience they’re talking to are the ones who inspire and motivate us to do the impossible and to even quit our job”
The memorable part of what you do is the care you have in delivering something that is tailor made for the audience and includes real-time feedback.
4. Vary the energy
A person who is memorable uses the dynamics of a conversation to their advantage. They make you feel a rush of emotions that range from euphoria, down to deep pain, all the way back up to sheer happiness.
If you try to move people using only one speed of emotion, you won’t have the variation or the transformational power to move them into feeling. Without feeling, what you say and how you act is utterly meaningless. What you say just becomes words coming out of your mouth.
Memorable people tie their purpose and reason for existence to a strong dose of emotion. We remember what we feel. We don’t remember anything else.
5. Clever storytelling
A tactic that should become a habit for you is to start by telling a vulnerable story. I have a vault of many of these stories (probably too many), and I hand select one each time I talk with someone. It’s like taking a book off the bookshelf and reading the best chapter to someone.
I ensure that I go first so that the other person is more likely to tell me a story in return. This swapping of stories is what creates that human connection that makes you memorable. In the meeting that happened last week, I told my entrepreneurial story with all its highs and lows and how it’s a big part of what I do today.
Because the story is heavily linked to my passion, it’s rare that it doesn’t connect with people. Telling a vulnerable story can be challenging, but the more you do it, the better you get at it. The first time you try, you may shed a tear. Have no fear; this will only make you more memorable.
6. We all want to be led
All of us are secretly looking for someone who is memorable so that we can follow them. Our animal instincts make us want to be led. We’re all led by someone or something even if we don’t realise it. The aim of the game is always to strive to be the leader.
The leader get’s all the advantages. By advantages I mean growth. Growth happens to leaders because they get to focus their time on helping others rise up. Through this process of transformation, the leader see’s the power of what they are doing, and it gives them a real purpose that they may not have discovered before.
“Being memorable is about being a leader in whatever it is that you do”
7. Be you
The most memorable thing you can do is be you. No one else is like you and you’re pretty incredible in your own unique way. The experiences you have may seem pretty stock standard, but they’re not. Each of them can teach us something we didn’t know previously. Trying to be someone else is how you get lost in the crowd.
“It’s when you become comfortable with being you 24/7 that people start to remember who you are”
By being you, you can have the biggest impact on the lives of others. The cookie cutter copycats who are not being themselves, will one day discover what I’m telling you about being you. My only hope is that they discover this before they die so they can experience what you’re about to practice as your new daily ritual – being you that is. Watch your life change.
What can you do to be memorable? Let me know on my website timdenning.net or my Facebook.
Why You Should Prefer Emails to Phone Calls if You Want to Be More Productive
“Email” and “productivity” rarely go together in a sentence. Emails have been declared as one of our largest time wasters. A McKinsey report stated that people spend around 2.6 hours each day responding to emails. That’s 13 hours a week, 52 hours a month and over 60 days a year! Imagine what you could’ve achieved in 60 days!
Emails also negatively affect our cognitive resources. When we think of responding to them while doing other important tasks, it takes up to 23 minutes and 15 seconds after being disrupted to return to full attention to a current task. Imagine how much our cognition and productivity gets fractured when we get distracted over and over again.
Constant emailing also drains us mentally. And at the end of a day, we realize that we’ve achieved nothing worth mentioning. With a phone call, you can sort issues and solve problems quickly, right? In theory, you’re right. But we live in a practical world where many variables come into play.
Below are three variables that make phone calls adversely affect our productivity, and why emails are a better alternative:
1. Wasting Time
Most “five-minute conversations” can quickly turn into 35-minute calls because people ramble about irrelevant aspects. This derailment, several times a day, severely limits the limited time and energy you have for important tasks.
Emails, on the other hand, force writers to streamline their thoughts and stick to the point. Emails can save you plenty of time and energy because you avoid lengthy phone calls. The constant strife to keep your own emails short and crisp also makes you a clearer thinker, which rewards you in other aspects of your life.
“It’s better to waste money, than it is to waste time. You can always get more money.” – Hal Sparks
2. Inaccurate Responses
An unexpected phone call can catch me caught off guard on a topic. I might respond emotionally or give an answer that doesn’t do justice to what I want to share. In a world dominated by panic buttons and fire-fighting, these don’t just stress me out but the caller as well.
Emails give me flexibility to prepare a coherent response and share it when I’m satisfied. If I feel a surge of emotion, I can sleep over the thought and share a better (more rational) response the next day. Many page-long email responses to emails that upset me have turned into a simple “thank you for your email” the next day.
3. Constant Back-and-Forth
Phone calls often are ineffective to solve business problems. Accounting for multiple people, their views, their timelines… One phone call can quickly turn into three.
Emails are quicker and more effective than even conference calls. They let you communicate with multiple people at the same time. You can share information, assign tasks and give status updates while being as specific as possible.
You must be wondering, “What about back-and-forth emails then? Why do we waste precious time on them?” Yes, email has earned a bad rap. But it’s not because of the medium; it’s because we handle it ineffectively.
A Better Approach to Emailing
For most people, constantly refreshing the inbox is part of the daily to-do list. It keeps them busy and gives them a kick of dopamine – the feel-good chemical.
Ironically, this quest to remain busy makes people compromise on taking action that can move them forward. Using emails prudently, rewards you with plenty of energy and mind space to focus on tasks that truly matter.
Here are three steps that benefited me without succumbing to the side effects of email:
1. Checking Them Less
I check emails just 3 times a day – at 9:30 AM, 12:00 PM, and 4:30 PM. If you don’t have the luxury to do the same, you can start by checking your emails for ten minutes at the end of each hour. Most senders expect a response in a little over an hour. So they won’t mind a slightly delayed response. This gives you 45 undisturbed minutes each hour to work on your core tasks.
2. Responding Quickly
People delay responding to emails at least 37% of the time, which turns finding emails and responding to them into additional tasks that cost time and lead to attention residue. Most emails take under two minutes to respond. When you can respond to an email, do so instead of putting it off. This won’t just put your mind at peace, it’ll also reduce the number of “did-you-see-this” follow-up emails in your inbox.
“I do love email. Wherever possible I try to communicate asynchronously. I’m really good at email.” – Elon Musk
3. The If-Then Technique
The If-Then technique helps you address multiple scenarios at once. For instance, an email that says, “Can we meet at 3:00 PM?” becomes, “Can we meet at 3:00 PM? If not, please advise three other times that work for you.”
This technique is also effective when you want to suggest ideas or provide instructions on alternative steps. For example, “Here’s Plan A. If it doesn’t work, connect with [name] and ask for [specific information]. If you don’t get what you need, inform me.”
I’ll admit. This sounds like more work in the current moment, but it drastically cuts down the number of trail mails, confused correspondences, and fire-fighting instances that occur due to miscommunication.
The If-Then formula is the single most effective technique I’ve learned from The 4-Hour Workweek. All of this doesn’t mean that you abandon phone calls, In fact, it’s better to use the phone for sensitive topics or if an email conversation gets dragged. But remain mindful to not let phone calls waste your time.
If you want to pursue a meaningful life, place a premium on your time. Do things that create time for you to pursue meaningful actions and avoid doing what pulls you away from them. In the knowledge economy, this is the key to success.
Do you prefer email or talking on the phone? Share your thoughts below!
4 Questions You Need to Answer Before You Reach the Level of Success You So Desperately Crave
It’s normal that every person in the world wants to reach success and happiness. Yet, everyone defines both of these things differently. For some, success is making a whole bunch of money while for others this can be to become a good parent. Happiness is defined differently as well. Some people need to own a jet, boat and 3 cars to be truly happy, while others are happy just to be able to wake up in the morning.
It doesn’t matter how you define success and happiness, the truth is, you want to achieve them both. But, to be able to reach success and happiness, you need to answer 4 questions for yourself.
Here are the 4 questions you need to answer before you can achieve success and happiness:
1. Where Are You?
No, not geographically. It doesn’t matter where you live. What matters is where are you in life. Where are you in your way to success and happiness. Let’s say you are lost in the woods. You know exactly where you want to go, but you don’t know where you are. Even a map doesn’t help you with that.
The same is true in life. You may have a goal, but until you truly define where you are in the moment, you can’t move toward this goal. So, step 1 on your way to success and happiness is to define where you are right now.
“Successful people do what unsuccessful people are not willing to do. Don’t wish it were easier; wish you were better.” – Jim Rohn
2. Where Do You Want to Go?
When you define where you are in life, then you can think of where you want to be.
There’s this saying: When you don´t know your final destination, you´ll end up somewhere you didn’t want to be. Until you don’t know clearly where you want to be in life and who you want to become, your life doesn’t have a true purpose.
Without purpose, there´s no motivation. Without motivation, there´s no energy. And without energy, you´re not living, you´re just existing. I am sure you know someone who looks like a walking corpse everytime you see them. Do you think this person lives a successful and happy life? Most likely not.
So, step 2 on your way to success and happiness is to clearly define your goal. What do you want to accomplish and who do you want to become?
3. Why Do You Want It?
Okay, you know the basics. You know where you are and where you want to be. But, as Rocky Balboa said, “The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows.” And as you already know, life usually doesn’t go according to your plan. There will be hard times and to overcome those and not give up, you need to know WHY you do what you do.
You need to know WHY you want to accomplish your goals. When you answer this for yourself, you don’t struggle so much to motivate yourself. You will be motivated every minute of every day.
So, as a step 3, sit down and think of WHY you want to accomplish your goals. What’s the big purpose?
“We can change our lives. We can do, have, and be exactly what we wish.” – Tony Robbins
4. How Are You Going to Get There?
And finally, how are you going to get there? What’s your plan? You may know where you are, where you want to be and why you want to do it, but until you truly understand how you are going to get there, there won’t be much success and happiness in your life.
For example, you want to become a bodybuilder. You want to do it because you want to have big muscles and you want to look fit. But, you have no idea how to work out, how to build muscle and how to lose fat. Do you think, you´re going to be happy? No. As Tony Robbins says, “true happiness comes from progress.”
To make progress, you need to have a specific plan; how to get from point A (where you are) to point B (where you want to be). So, as a step 4, sit down and make a specific plan for how you’re going to get what you want in life.
In order to reach success and happiness, there are 4 questions you need to answer for yourself. Without answering them, you´re not going to get ahead in life, you´re just bouncing around. Success and happiness never come from just bouncing around in life.
Good news is, that these questions are really simple. It won’t take much time to answer them. Just be aware of where you are and where you want to be. Don´t forget to understand why you are pursuing your dream and finally, how are you going to get what you want.
Answer these 4 simple questions today and you won’t struggle with finding success and happiness in life anymore.
Which one of the above 4 questions resonated most with you and why? Share your thoughts and ideas below!
The Empathetic Heart: How The CHO of VaynerMedia Is Changing The Way We Work
A month after I had joined LinkedIn back in July of 2018, I sent Claude Silver a connection request and began following her content. One day she made a post saying “Ask and you shall receive, what can I do to help you today?”. I commented on that post asking for a 5 minute interview and to my surprise she agreed by asking me to send her a message (I was given a full hour). This was the first example of pure kindness I witnessed from Claude.
The first message you see on Claude’s website is: People need people. People need people that listen and then do something. That message spoke to me on an emotional level, and I believe it will speak to you too. I wanted to know how she created such an amazing culture, what being a “culture carrier” meant, and how the employees at VaynerMedia have been changed by her work there.
A culture carrier in Claude’s own words is “someone who is aligned with our values, I can’t teach someone to be kind they have to already be kind. The process of developing a culture carrier takes about 6 months. It’s about bringing people together and having strong core values of kindness and empathy.”
Gary Vaynerchuk, co-founder of VaynerMedia, is often referred to as a combination of hustle and heart. With the hiring of Claude and the work she has accomplished within the company, it speaks to the level of empathy that can be felt throughout the entire operation.
Although business can be a challenging, tough, and often cut-throat terrain, by putting employees first and providing honest feedback the company has grown to include offices in New York, Chattanooga, Los Angeles and London, and continues to dominate the market.
Below we’ll see 3 different ways the CHO of VaynerMedia is changing the way people work:
1. By being unafraid to share her own story
Claude has been an influential part of breaking the stigma surrounding vulnerability in the business arena. Not only does she openly share her own story, but she sits down with employees to better understand their vulnerabilities and how to use characteristics that previously would have been considered weaknesses as strengths.
When asked what her biggest adventure to date was she replied “Having Shalom (her daughter). I have had an amazing life, I moved, worked hard, landed an amazing job and fell in love but it didn’t come without its challenges.”
Claude is openly gay and is living proof your sexual orientation doesn’t matter. Nothing matters but your character, your track record, and if you leave people a little better off than before you met them. From Claude, business leaders, employees and entrepreneurs can learn to be more open both on social media and in person, allowing them to build more meaningful relationships and connect on a deeper level. A deeper connection can mean more leverage but it also means a more lasting impact on the world.
“Everyone has something they can share. I’m not famous. I don’t have anything that would be newsworthy, but I have stories.” – Tafta Johnson Watson
2. Committing to a strong value system
VaynerMedia has some serious values for such a large company and those values are expected to be upheld by every employee and visitor. Values like kindness, empathy, honesty, hustle and the art of not complaining.
With Claude holding the title of Chief Heart Officer, she is the guiding light for others. When recruiting, she says she “takes the time to evaluate an individual’s talents but most importantly their own heart”.
Gary Vaynerchuk is quoted as saying:”To me, there’s no debate that kindness is a strength. And it breaks my heart to know that so many people believe it’s a weakness. So many people are afraid that other people will take advantage of their kindness or make them feel “used.” But the truth is, those who take advantage of your kindness are weak on the inside. Feel bad for them, don’t let them make you feel bad about yourself“.
Both Claude and Gary teach aspiring entrepreneurs that it is okay to live with an open heart and that having the strength to commit to and live with a strong value system, will be a powerful tool during the hustle journey. It also allows you to go to bed at night actually liking the person that you are, nothing will kill a business faster than going to bed at night and hating yourself.
3. Listening with action
As mentioned above Claude’s slogan is: People need people. People need people that listen and then do something. As a woman who wears many hats, she is also an Outward Bound Instructor, taking individuals on amazing adventures in the outdoors.
Taking action on any given day can mean a number of different things but it speaks to her own character and driving force that she is able to not only guide people through the world of office politics but also through the serene and sometimes challenging wilderness.
Claude cultivates an environment of trust by first offering individuals her own trust. It is a huge and vulnerable action that leads to a relationship of love – heart – and productivity. Listening as an action is something that has the power to change an entire organization from an unproductive, toxic environment to one that promotes creativity, passion, inclusion and positivity.
“Relationships are leverage. If you give value to someone else first, you have leverage.” – Gary Vaynerchuk
To get the truest sense of how Claude was changing the way people work, I asked her co-workers to tell me what working alongside Claude has done for them. Here is one of the answers I received:
“During my time working alongside Claude, I’ve really come to appreciate her example of being a good listener. As a society, we tend to praise the power of speaking. But Claude demonstrates on a daily basis that the most important thing everybody wants is to be heard.” – Steve Babcock, Chief Creative Officer VaynerMedia.
I tried looking for images of Claude on her website and I think it speaks to how focused she is on holding space for others, because I couldn’t find a single full sized image of her to use. I googled. Writing this piece has opened me up to evaluate my own values and the way I connect with people in my daily life.
From this article, it is my own hope that entrepreneurs come to the understanding that although tenacity and true grit are really important, the whole of what Claude represents is something to strive towards. The “soft” skills you develop are humongous strengths and to truly impact an entire organization.
What’s the last random act of kindness you did for someone? Share with us below!
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