Success Advice

3 Reasons Why You’re Not Succeeding in Life and What You Can Do to Change It

Published

8 years ago

Apr 8, 2018

The work fairy has been kind to me. Over the years, I’ve held some pretty good positions and was involved in many impactful projects—the types that attract lots of attention from the guys upstairs. I’ve been mentored by a CEO and have worked closely with all kinds of C-execs. Pretty lucky, wouldn’t you say?

How have I done it? –Easy. It was enough to mention I wasn’t challenged enough and work flew my way, growing in complexity and responsibilities. Things are looking up, I thought. Soon, I’ll be pretty high on the ladder. But instead, I was stuck in a rut. I was seen as the dependable “Doer” but never “the Change-maker” or “the Influencer.” And after some intense self-analysis, it was very clear why.

Despite all the opportunities I’ve been given to move up, I somehow fell short of having sufficient self-assurance—the silent requisite for success, which often helps write our great life stories of struggle, perseverance, and “making it in the end.”

I started thinking about confidence and how lucky the people to whom all this comes effortlessly must be. They probably don’t even have to think about how they appear to others, because they are simply great individuals, emitting calm assertiveness in their own worth.

But more importantly, why did I lack the feeling of self-confidence? I believed I had the brains, skills, knowledge, abilities, no less than the people around me who were steadily moving up. There was no apparent reason for me not to have equally positive self-beliefs and the opportunities that came with this. And yet, I was stuck.

Here are 3 reasons why you are not succeeding in life as you wish you were:

1. Motivation

This is a big one. Although, at first thought, motivation and confidence may not be likely candidates for friendship, they are closely aligned, especially in work settings. If what we do for a living isn’t what we truly want, if it’s not our forte or calling, it will be quite challenging to convince ourselves that it’s worth putting our whole hearts, efforts, energy and skills into it.

It’s kind of hard to be our biggest fan too and to respect ourselves, when we are stagnated personally or professionally. If we are not driven enough, we won’t push ourselves to grow, to achieve more, to learn new things. Such attitude is an outright confidence killer.

We just save ourselves the torment and go after what really sparks us. But if moving on is not a possibility, we still have some options up our sleeves. We can try to improve our motivation to spike our confidence. The point is that self-appreciation comes from knowing that we are doing something meaningful, something that matters. Otherwise, why waste our time?

“Where there is a will, there is a way. If there is a chance in a million that you can do something, anything, to keep what you want from ending, do it. Pry the door open or, if need be, wedge your foot in that door and keep it open.” – Pauline Kael

2. People-pleasing

People-pleasing is easily one of the main obstacles to self-assurance. It’s a well-known fallacy that people with low confidence often have an obsessive desire to be liked by everyone. It’s a dangerous trap as we can become an easier target for manipulation. More importantly, we tend to turn our backs on who we are and what we want, for the sake of others.

Congratulations, you have successfully become a wallflower! People-pleasing is not the way to feel better about ourselves. Social acceptance is important, of course, but it should be based on mutual appreciation. If we don’t know how to value and respect ourselves first, how can we expect others to do so?

And yet, many of us do it—to varying degrees, on various occasions, in both our personal and professional lives but, it’s a bad strategy all-around. An ill-ambition to be accepted by all usually has an unhappy ending— we are liked by no one, not even by ourselves.

3. Fear of Failure

The dread of defeat and low self-assurance have somewhat of a complicated affair—fear undermines our self-esteem. Low confidence, in turn, makes us more sensitive to failure. Our sense of worth becomes directly tied to all-or-nothing outcomes. Victories will make us feel over the top and downturns will cause a further dip in our self-esteem. It’s a vicious loop.

An unhealthy sense of perfectionism also often completes the above recipe. We must be faultless all the time, we tell ourselves, as we believe that failing will cost us not only others’ respect, but ultimately our careers too.

Being driven to do or give our best is, of course, a good thing, but there is always a line, which, after being crossed, things quickly spiral downward. We can’t slow down or become less meticulous, though—we believe that all eyes are fixed on us, and that we’ll be judged for every mishap.

Guess what? People are too centered on their own selves and lives to have the time to focus much on others. We are usually the ones who cause ourselves all the stress and grief. Psychologists call this the “spotlight” effect—and it’s a well-known bias.

So, give yourself permission to fail, to not be perfect all the time, to have a bad hair day, to take responsibility for your missteps. Fear is natural, everyone has it, and everyone fails. But as Confucius said many years ago: “Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.”

“Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.” – Henry Ford

Finally, to reach a state of unconditional self-approval, we must not tie our worth, personal and professional, to externalities. We shouldn’t seek for validation or approval from the world. Rather, focus on finding your own path and pace. That’s the only way to become, not flawless in everything, but perfectly happy and fulfilled with the person looking back at us in the mirror.

Is your motivation, people pleasing, or the fear of failure holding you back from where you should be? Let us know so we can all help one another!

Image courtesy of Twenty20.com

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Evelyn Marinoff

Evelyn Marinoff is a writer and an aspiring author. She holds a degree in Finance and Marketing, works in client consulting, and spends her free time reading, writing and researching ideas in psychology, leadership, well-being and self-improvement. On her website evelynmarinoff.com, she writes tips and pieces on self-enhancement and confidence. You can also find her on Twitter at @Evelyn_Marinoff.

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These 11 Habits Will Make You More Productive, Successful, and Confident

Boost your focus, confidence, and results with 11 powerful habits successful people use every day.

Published

2 weeks ago

Oct 14, 2025

Almar Tagara

how to build self-confidence through action

Image Credit: Midjourney

Successful people love to help beginners. They have an incredible work ethic and rarely complain. As a result, others naturally look up to them and want to follow in their footsteps.

But here’s the truth: there’s no success without sacrifice. You’ll need to give up comfort, excuses, and sometimes even social approval to accomplish your goals.

Value comes from solving problems, and these 11 powerful tips will help you become more productive, successful, and confident, starting today.

1. Take Short Breaks After Finishing a Task

Psychology shows it’s important to reward positive behaviour.

After completing a big task or finishing a book, take five minutes to walk, stretch, or simply breathe. This quick reset helps your brain recharge and strengthens focus.

Many great writers swear by morning walks, solitude, and reflection can unlock creativity.

But if you refuse to take breaks, don’t be surprised when burnout hits. Your brain needs recovery time just as much as your body does.

2. Schedule Your Most Important Tasks First

Multitasking kills productivity. If you want to get more done, try time blocking, a method where you dedicate set periods for specific tasks.

Productivity expert Caitlin Hughes explains, “Time blocking involves scheduling blocks of time for your tasks throughout the day.”

For example, if you’re a writer:

Research your topic at night.
Write your first draft in the morning (don’t worry if it’s rough).
Edit in the afternoon, great writing comes from rewriting.

You can’t buy more time. Use it intentionally and without regret.

3. Eliminate Distractions from Your Workspace

Focus is the foundation of success.

According to Inc. Magazine, it takes an average of 23 minutes to recover from a distraction. That’s nearly half an hour of lost productivity every time you check your phone.

Put your phone away. Close unnecessary tabs. And yes, limit your Netflix binges.

Meeting deadlines consistently is one of the fastest ways to stand out and earn respect.

4. Take Full Responsibility for Your Life

Entrepreneur Derek Sivers once said, “Everything is my fault.”

This mindset doesn’t mean self-blame; it means self-ownership. Stop pointing fingers, making excuses, or waiting for others to change.

If your habits (like smoking or drinking too much) hold you back, it’s time to make better choices. Your friends can’t live your dreams for you; only you can.

5. Invest an Hour a Day in Learning New Skills

Knowledge compounds over time.

Whether you read books, take online courses, or practise a craft, consistent learning gives you a competitive edge.

I used to struggle with academic writing, but I improved by studying the work of great authors and applying what I learned.

Your past doesn’t define you; your actions do. Every new skill adds another tool to your arsenal and makes you more unstoppable.

6. Develop a Growth Mindset

Psychologist Dr. Carol Dweck introduced the concept of fixed vs. growth mindset.

A fixed mindset believes success is based on natural talent.
A growth mindset believes success comes from effort and learning.

Choose the growth mindset. Embrace challenges. See failures as feedback. In today’s fast-moving digital world, adaptability is your biggest advantage.

7. Learn Marketing to Reach People Who Need You

I once believed marketing was manipulative, until I realised it’s about helping people solve problems.

If your work provides genuine value, marketing is how you let others know it exists. Even Apple spends billions on it.

Don’t be ashamed to promote your skills or business. Without visibility, your ideas will never reach the people who need them most.

Creative professionals who understand marketing and sales have an unfair advantage.

8. Ask Your Mentor the Right Questions

Good mentors can fast-track your growth.

While mentorship often costs money, it’s one of the best investments you can make. Great mentors don’t care about titles; they care about your progress.

If you don’t have access to a mentor yet, books are your silent mentors. Read the best in your field, take notes, and apply what resonates.

9. Build Confidence Through Action, Not Affirmations

Author Ryan Holiday once said, “I don’t believe in myself. I have evidence.”

Confidence doesn’t come from shouting affirmations into the mirror; it comes from proof. Doing hard things, keeping promises to yourself, and following through.

When you consistently take action, your brain gathers evidence that you can handle whatever comes next. That’s real confidence, grounded, earned, and unshakable.

10. Focus on Your Strengths

Your strengths reveal where your greatest impact lies.

If people compliment you on something often, it’s a clue. Lean into it.

A former professor once told me I was creative, and that simple comment gave me the confidence to go all in. I studied creativity, applied it daily, and turned it into my career advantage.

Double down on your strengths. That’s how you build momentum and mastery.

11. Identify and Challenge Your Limiting Beliefs

Your beliefs shape your reality.

For years, I believed I couldn’t be a great writer because of my chronic tinnitus and astigmatism, sensory challenges that made concentration difficult. But over time, I realised those struggles made me more disciplined, observant, and empathetic.

Your limitations can become your greatest motivators if you let them.

Avoid shortcuts. Growth takes time, but it’s always worth it.

Final Thoughts

Becoming productive, successful, and confident isn’t about working harder than everyone else. It’s about working smarter, consistently, and intentionally.

You don’t need to overhaul your life overnight. Start small: take a break after your next task, schedule your priorities, or spend one hour learning something new.

Every habit you change compounds into long-term success. Remember, true change comes from practising new behaviours.