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Success Advice

14 Ways I Completely Changed My Life And So Can You

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A few years ago my entire life changed, and it was one of the best experiences of my life. I decided that I had reached a point in my life where I wasn’t happy and needed to make massive changes. I began a long process of understanding what it would take to experience massive success and become a magnet for all things good in life. Addicted2Success was part of that journey, and so were a number of other great resources.

Below are my fourteen quick tips for turning your life around

 

1. Do a clean out of all your friends

I went through all my friends and asked myself one question, is this person helping me to succeed or bringing me down. If the answer was the later, I deleted them from my social media and my address book, and moved on. This might seem drastic but sometimes it’s the tough decisions that will help you achieve massive success. The only exception to this was that if someone proved that they were going to change, then I allowed them back in again. Doing this made me feel like I had control over my life again.

 

2. Listen to audiobooks every single day

The one habit that started this whole transformation for me was listening to my very first audiobook, which happened to be “Tony Robbins Get The Edge.” I started by deciding that I needed to do some exercise and that walking around my neighbourhood would be a good start. I could often be seen walking on the main roads of Melbourne, in the middle of the night, listening to these audiobooks and looking very animated because they were literally addictive. These tapes taught me the information that school did not, they taught me the basic success principles that I was now going to live my life by.

 

3. Start a LinkedIn page

For a long time, I avoided LinkedIn because I thought that people might bother me or that my privacy would be breeched. I have now learnt that if you are authentic and genuine online and have nothing to hide, tools like LinkedIn can become very powerful – read why here.

“LinkedIn is for your network what venture capital is for startups, it allows you to scale at a rate that you never thought was possible”

 

4. Remove negative media from your life

One of the best things I did was get back time in my day by not watching anymore TV and ditching the habit of watching or consuming any mainstream news. I replaced this wasted time with my new favourite hobby, reading Kindle books on my iPad. For many years, I was unable to read a lot of books because my eyes got tired from reading. Then I started reading on an iPad screen, which was much brighter and easier on my eyes. It was like discovering reading for the first time, and I begun to read anything from “Think and Grow Rich,” to amazing entrepreneur books like Lisa Messengers “Daring & Disruptive,” to books about Wall Street.

Tim Denning - Read Lisa Messenger's Book Daring And Disruptive

Replace negative media with amazing books like Lisa Messenger’s “Daring and Disruptive.”

 

5. Start juicing and rebounding now

Green Juice - Vegie Girl - Urban Projuice Tim DenningAfter attending a Tony Robbins seminar, I learned about the alkaline diet and took up drinking cold press, green, juice every morning. Never have I felt so good and I now have all the energy to get me through the day. Gone are the headaches and rumbling stomachs because my body is finally nourished and alive again. If I suggest that you do one thing to turn your life around, it would be to take up the habit of juicing.

I also started using my net time (no extra time) by combining important mobile phone conversations with walks in the park. I found this to be very relaxing, and it made me very productive. I then added watching my favourite “Ted Talks” while rebounding on a mini trampoline. This practice helps clear my lymphatic system and is a great way to get me started in the morning.

 

6. Walk away from conversations that involve negative people

When I decided to go and work for a corporate organisation, I started my career in a very negative team. I would often come to work and hear my fellow teammates talking about how much they hated life and the company we all worked for. They could often be seen planning coups and talking about various conspiracies. This was the best lesson of my life! I got to see exactly how I didn’t want to be and why I would never settle for less again. Even now, if I am part of a conversation and it goes down a road that is not congruent with my beliefs, I remove myself. Doing this is such a blessing in disguise because I feel like I am in control and not like life is in control of me, or worse yet, somebody else.

 

7. Don’t worry about the outcome of everything

Before I underwent this change is psychology, I used to try and worry about the outcome of everything. I use to think that I could always control the outcome. When I learnt that it was better just to have faith and know that every outcome happens for a reason, I had completely transformed for the better. When things that most people would consider to be major failures in life occurred to me, I would just shake it off and learn the lesson from it, knowing that every lesson was making me stronger and stronger – I adopted the phrase, “Fail Fast.”

 

8. Have faith in yourself

Something that rejuvenated me was learning to have faith in myself. I began to play a game with myself and tried to be in situations where I had completely no idea. I remember being asked to look after a billion dollar relationship with a client and having absolutely no idea. I said yes because I knew this was a chance to learn. From there, I always said yes to things that I thought I was not ready for. I knew that when I wasn’t ready, it was time to grow. Tony Robbins seminar taught me that my strongest human need was growth, so I tried to feed this need as much as possible. Sure enough, the more growth I experienced, the more confidence I gained. This confidence led me to have faith in myself even when nobody else did.

 

9. Travel the world more

For a long time, I believed that working myself to death was what was required to achieve massive success. While hard work is definitely required, working yourself to the bone will not do you any favours. I began to start travelling more and before I knew it, I had flown to more than eight destinations in the space of 6 months. I found that this travelling helped put my life in perspective and gave me new ideas. Whenever a new thought occurred about something I should be doing in business, I realised that it had come from when I was travelling. It’s easy to get lost in your own community, so get out there and see the world because one day you might not be around to see it.

Tim Denning in New Zealand - Success Travel
 

 

10. Change your career

Most people fear change and the thought of trying another career is daunting to them. I began studying people’s LinkedIn profiles and looking at their various career paths. I saw one common pattern; almost none of the people I studied had actually done the same thing for their whole life. In fact, the ones that had reached the most success had usually taken a massive change in direction at some point in their life. I started to do the same with my own career and try new things out. I discovered that my network grew, and my inner circle of influence became stronger and stronger. Don’t be afraid of change ever!!!

I later started to play a game with job interviews. I purposely went and interviewed for jobs that were way out of my league that my education wouldn’t normally qualify me for. To my surprise, all the personal development and change of character became like a magnet. Everyone was offering me jobs that I could only dream of. When I asked them why the offered me the opportunity they told me that it was the confidence, attitude and way I went about things – who knew this was the most important thing.

Want to know something even more strange? One of the jobs I applied for I was unsuccessful at getting. About 12 months later one of my work colleagues was successful at getting the same role. I asked her to ask the manager why I didn’t get it, and she did. The answer they gave, we thought you were overqualified and would get bored easily. I was convinced that the reason I didn’t get it was experience, yet I was totally wrong. Always back yourself 1000% !

 

11. Reach out to successful people

As a joke, one of my closest friends dared me to try and contact people within my organisation that most would consider to be unreachable. I began ringing CEO’s, Heads of, General Managers; anyone that I thought would see me as the lowest person in the organisation. To my surprise, I was able to get a meeting with every single one of them and talk to them about whatever I wanted. Never underestimate how much other people want to help you and share their advice. The act of doing this taught me about my beliefs and about people, which changed my perception of life.

 

12. Give as much as you can

Giving was something that I was always told was important but I didn’t really know the power of. In the early days of business, I thought it was all about protecting your intellectual property and not telling anyone about your ideas. What I now know is that ideas are not worth anything unless you do something with them. Even if you have a great idea, most people are too lazy or too negative to bother trying to steal it from you. I now tell everybody about all my ideas, and I often find that it opens doors I never knew existed. People now see me as an ideas man because I share everything I know. You will never have all the information about a particular subject no matter how hard you try.

Information is so easy to find thanks to the Internet so share away. I even share my address book because everyone is searchable thanks to LinkedIn and Facebook.

 

13. Attend more networking events

An easy way to expand your influence is to expand your network. I remember hearing a few weeks ago “your network equals your net worth.” A lot of people ask me where I get all my opportunities, my answer, they come from my network. I hear about things before anyone else because my network tells me about them. I do the same so now I have a mini “Pay It Forward,” game occurring within my network. Some of the best people I have connected with in the last few years I have met at networking events. No matter how exhausted I might be after work, I always try and attend events because it lifts my energy and opens my mind to ideas I haven’t thought of before.

 

14. Give everybody a second chance

Last but not least, I learnt to give everybody a second chance no matter what they had done. This forgiveness allowed me to see people’s weaknesses and understand that nobody is perfect. Giving in to accepting that no one is perfect has made others not expect me to be perfect. Nobody does anything to upset you on purpose; it’s how you’re interpreting it that is the issue.

 

So there, you have it, my top tips on how I turned my life around. So many people have asked me, and now you have all the knowledge that I had to do the same. Even if you only do 3 of these tips, I promise you, you will experience a change in your life for the good.

GET OUT THERE, GET AMONGST IT AND GET EXCITED!

 

Tim is best known as a long-time contributor on Addicted2Success. Tim's content has been shared millions of times and he has written multiple viral posts all around personal development and entrepreneurship. You can connect with Tim through his website www.timdenning.net

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38 Comments

38 Comments

  1. Philip Verghese Ariel

    Mar 2, 2018 at 7:10 am

    Hi Tim,
    What a joy to be here today.
    I am here via Linkedin.
    Happy to read these 14 amazing ways or tips you shared here.
    It is indeed a great joy to know that some of them I am already following, and as you said: I could experience a change in my life.
    I too have a slight hesitation at the beginning with Linkedin, but later I found that it is indeed a wonderful platform. Thanks for sharing it.
    And Ha, the last but not the least is really a rocking one! One need to follow this very diligently. I am sure that attitude will make a great impact on others.
    Keep sharing.
    Best Regards,
    ~ Philip

  2. Suraj

    Jun 20, 2017 at 2:04 pm

    Sir I don’t understand about the network part
    All the above it was good and motivational
    Thanks

  3. George Azide

    Apr 23, 2017 at 9:59 pm

    Mr. Denning,

    I’m literally in awe at the quality of your writing.

    Here’s how I came across you – I recently have been stuck in starting my business and wasn’t sure about the next step to take. (I live in Dallas, Tx we’re an entrepreneurial bunch down here.) I signed up for a curated content last year and NEVER read one single email.

    Well today, for some reason, I opened up that inbox and read the email at the top of the list and in was an article titled, “What I Learned From the World’s Greatest Venture Capitalist”.

    As someone who has never even said the phrase “venture capitalist”, I honestly can’t tell you what compelled me to open the article.

    I didn’t just read it, I was absorbed by it. Your content is rich, my man.

    I instantly knew I needed to be on your list to learn more about you. Your article (indirectly) showed me a path for my business that I had NEVER previously considered. So for that I thank you.

    I’m not sure what to call it, but I feel you are filling the exact role you are supposed to be filling in life. And that’s rare to come across randomly.

    I’ve downloaded your Game Changing Influencer eBook and have read most of your work on Addicted2Success. Oddly enough, I don’t see a place where you offer a product. So, this may sound weird, but…can I buy anything from you?

    You’ve blown my mind and I had no idea who you were an hour ago. Ha! As someone who truly embraces the power of the internet, I am very pleased at the moment.

    Thank you again, Mr. Denning. To your continued success.

  4. Glenn

    Jan 3, 2016 at 12:06 am

    Nice post Tim.

    Some really valuable insights.

    The more you grow and learn, the more opportunities open up.

    • Tim Denning

      Jan 23, 2016 at 12:27 am

      Cheers Glenn I am glad you learnt a thing or two.

  5. Indika

    Jul 5, 2015 at 3:53 pm

    Hey Tim,
    This is great practical motivational article I ever seen. thanx a lot Tim. I appriciate ur concern about green meals,friends and giving second chance. who ever wants to stay tune I belive this is the article for them.thank you very much again for the ideas.ideas.keep inspiring people. all the best Tim.

    • Tim Denning

      Jul 11, 2015 at 1:43 pm

      Thanks Indika for the kind words and I wish you all the success you deserve.

  6. Nina

    Jun 8, 2015 at 9:41 pm

    I’ve done all of these suggestions and am SO HAPPY! It just all came natural to me over time and now I’m investing in myself and my health. I quit an unhealthy job, chopped out unhealthy people and situations and am learning to like myself. All of these suggestions are absolutely a part of enlightenment. I love seeing someone else encouraging others to push on and give suggestions like yours. Great read for anyone who needs a different direction.

    • Tim Denning

      Jun 11, 2015 at 11:11 am

      Thanks Nina and congrats on making the change. Over the next few months you will see some rapid changes and find that your happiness increases. Don’t forget to try the green juices.

  7. Nkuli

    Jun 3, 2015 at 10:24 am

    Hi Tim

    This ia a great read….I have been in the coporate world for almost 5 years and in different compaines and I have realised that I always find something that makes me unhappy hence the jumping from one job to another. so I want to pursue my business idea that I have had for a good 6 months now and the fear of leaving the safety of having a job is over powering me however I feel the need to start my business and find hapiness in what I do and love.
    What is your advise in quiting my current job to pursue my business?

    • Tim Denning

      Jun 6, 2015 at 10:30 am

      Nkuli, I have known quite a few people over the years who have gone through the same thing. Changing from job to job won’t fix anything, the two things that will help is personal development and entrepreneurship.

      If you have that entrepreneur bug then it’s time to pursue it as your only on this planet once and regrets are the worse thing that you can suffer from. I wish you all the success with your new business and go out there and crush it.

  8. sunanda

    May 1, 2015 at 3:44 am

    i so appriciate this post as inspired me fr to take my stand nw .spend sm years as a emotional fool n stuck .as very appropriate to delete negative ppl ,thoughts from life n nvr gv a second chance to thm .thanks again.

    • Tim Denning

      May 5, 2015 at 11:19 pm

      Not a problem at all Sunanda.

  9. jack

    Apr 21, 2015 at 3:56 pm

    latter

  10. Sakib

    Apr 18, 2015 at 7:37 am

    Hey Tim .. I am really motivated after reading this .. thing is I am in a the middle of medical school course and I am not even interested in this field. All I did was fool thing I know. But now I am 23 do you think that I should change my career ? Im so afraid because people of my age started earning money and I am here like stuck in situation its like life is stopped at a point.

    • Tim Denning

      Apr 19, 2015 at 9:13 am

      Sakib, glad you got some motivation from this article, but its purpose would be completely useless if you didn’t go and take some action. If you’re studying something you are not interested in and can’t see yourself doing it for the rest of your life then maybe it’s time to look for another opportunity. 23 years old is still very young and most people change their career lots of times in their life, so don’t feel like its too late because it’s not. Earning money is good but it’s nothing to be proud of. What you should be proud of is finding your passion and making a living from that. It’s going to take some time to find that one thing but unless you admit where you’re at and start looking, things will never change and you won’t get the happiness that I believe you deserve.

  11. Marko

    Apr 17, 2015 at 9:40 pm

    What is success?

    • Tim Denning

      Apr 19, 2015 at 9:08 am

      Marko, success is the outcome you get, from changing things in your life, so you will grow and do what you are passionate about. Only you can define what success is in your life and it’s not necessarily monetary related.

  12. Janet

    Apr 16, 2015 at 2:21 am

    I so appreciate this post. It takes work to achieve success and sometimes lots of old things do have to be done away with.

    • Tim Denning

      Apr 19, 2015 at 9:06 am

      Thanks Janet. You hit the nail on the head, you have to do away with old habits and replace them with new empowring ones.

  13. Katrina

    Apr 13, 2015 at 8:19 pm

    Love it, thanks for sharing!!! A great read for someone who wakes up at 4.30am most mornings in frustration of their current situation. This really helps.

    • Tim Denning

      Apr 15, 2015 at 8:35 am

      Your certainly better than me Katrina I wake up at 5am so you’re getting 30 mins of extra reading time than me. Don;t be frustrated with your current situation. This situation is temporary and you will soon be out of Winter back into Summer.

  14. Erick Ramirez

    Apr 13, 2015 at 2:07 am

    Thank you for this, it was a very inspiring morning read. I read a lot of articles but yours was very sincere and really spoke to me. I’m planning on a career and life change at the end of this year, moving from Japan to Hawaii. So I’m looking to start enriching my life. Do you have a blog? I would love to read more of your articles.

    • Tim Denning

      Apr 13, 2015 at 11:33 am

      Thanks for commenting Erick. Best of luck with the change in country. I write exclusively for Addicted2Success but you can view all my articles I post on the site via facebook.com/timdenning

      • Erick Ramirez

        Apr 13, 2015 at 12:56 pm

        Good stuff on your Facebook page, liked it. Thanks for the reply. Good luck with reaching the masses.

  15. Cristi Vlad

    Apr 10, 2015 at 11:26 am

    You really hit the nail on the head with #12. thanks! 🙂

    • Tim Denning

      Apr 12, 2015 at 1:24 am

      Thanks Cristi. I think giving is a common law of success and that’s why it is mentioned so much in the world of personal development.

  16. Raymond Foo

    Apr 9, 2015 at 3:05 pm

    Hey, I’m 20 now. I live in Malaysia. I’m deciding whether to further study or go to work. Some major that cross my mind is Civil Engineering(don’t know if I will like it, but I’m considering it because I could work in an office while still going outside),Marketing(fear that I would get a lowpay). If work, I will work as a Salesperson to get many money and start a business. My goal is to get my dream car. And Travel. What is your advice? Your article ia great and that’s all the thing I’m working towards.

    • Tim Denning

      Apr 12, 2015 at 1:30 am

      Hi Raymond, thanks for your comment. Do what makes you really happy. If you’re not sure which option will make you happy then try a secondment or a 4 week trial. Consider taking someone out for coffee who already has the job that you want. If none of these options work then there is a chance you might be destined for the entrepreneur world. Don’t fear about low pay. You can make lots of money doing pretty much anything as long as you’re passionate about it. I have seen people clean toilets and drains and make plenty from doing this. Getting your dream car will only be short lived joy and then you will get complacent again. I have been through this already and no dream car will ever satisfy. What you are really chasing in the feeling that you get my driving your dream car. Try and get that feeling through doing something that may not involve money. Hope those tips give you some clarity. Feel free to connect via http://www.facebook.com/tim.denning to keep in touch

  17. Michele

    Apr 8, 2015 at 3:57 pm

    Thanks Tim, this is really useful. I am on a journey to redesign my life as well. I have done many of these things and am working on a few others- like not worrying about the outcome. It is a process!

    • Tim Denning

      Apr 12, 2015 at 1:30 am

      That’s really good to hear Michele and I hope you get where you want to go.

  18. Susan

    Apr 8, 2015 at 3:08 am

    This is amazing!! Thank you!!

    • Tim Denning

      Apr 8, 2015 at 7:40 pm

      Not a problem Susan!

  19. Bala

    Apr 7, 2015 at 9:08 pm

    Great Tips. My Favorite ‘ Dont worry about the outcome of Everything’ . I am working on it. Patience and persistence is key. Today we are used to seeing ‘instant’ results when we have just started putting in the effort.

    Thanks Tim

    • Tim Denning

      Apr 8, 2015 at 7:38 pm

      Agree Bala and thanks for sharing your opinion.

  20. James Dunn

    Apr 7, 2015 at 9:43 am

    Great article!! I can see myself in so many of the steps you’ve mentioned, and I can see that the others are the ones I need to take.

    I attended UPW in San Jose, CA last year and it was a life changing event for me as well. Tony Robbins is such an amazing guy.

    Thanks for the great tips!

    • Tim Denning

      Apr 8, 2015 at 7:40 pm

      I can totally relate James. I went to UPW a few years back in Sydney and it was phenomenal. I think the walking on fire part was the most fun, although day 4 on health was a bit of a shake up.

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Success Advice

Practice These 4 No’s for Greater Success

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how to achieve greater success
Image Credit: Unsplash

In much of the success literature and in the applied motivational literature that is developed today, the explicit suggestions contained within are to practice certain behaviors for a certain outcome. So, you may see information with titles such as, “Do these four things for greater happiness”, or, “Perform the seven steps every morning for more focus”.

Not only am I a large proponent of these quick and distilled attributes of behavior change to bring about greater levels of whatever the outcome should be, I am also an author of a great many of them. The notion of cause and effect is explicit in applied motivation. If you want to change and affect then do not work on the effect directly, work on the cause that will invariably change the outcome.

So many of us try to psychologically bully our conscious mind into various effects, when all we really need to do is understand the causes. Thoughts drive behavior. If you change the thought the behavior must change. But can you increase your level of overall well-being by NOT doing certain things? And I know the answer is yes. It all begins with a shift in our perception and the thought process.

“If you realized how powerful your thoughts are, you would never think a negative thought.” – Peace Pilgrim

Here are four NO’s that you may want to stop practicing. And by virtue of not doing these things you will have more mental room, and idea space between your positive notions for greater levels of contentment and well-being.

1. There are no justified discontentment’s

If the laws of cause and effect, and the law of attraction hold true, then we are where we are right now by virtue of our past behaviors, which are a direct result of our past beginning. So don’t be mad over your current situation, you created it! If you want to be happy, change it! But don’t just sit there and bask in your discontentment; bring about the necessary changes that you require.

In the words of James Ray, “a person of power embraces challenges and complete gratitude. No matter the situation life may bring, discontent is never justified, but rather all is experienced as an opportunity and privilege to adventure and grow.”

2. There are no justified excuses

The present is a doorway that balances past events with future circumstances. When we begin to fully grasp the idea that there is no dress rehearsal, we are on Broadway; that there is no scrimmage, today we are in the Super Bowl, we begin to realize that our life is a series of micro adjustments and that we are in total and complete control over them. Instead of wasting time making excuses for poor decisions, spend that time in fine-tuning future decisions to make up for those poor decisions of the past.

3. There are no justified complaints

We complain about a situation for one of two reasons. One, to elicit pity from another and, two, to transfer the issue we are complaining about to somebody else. Either behavior is destructive to the current personal relationship and will only serve to undermine future transactions with that individual.

Be a person of higher self-esteem; handle your issues in silence then speak to another individual about your successful outcomes. By doing so, you have altered your focus on a positive outcome instead of our negative conditions. By the way, there is always a successful outcome! If you can find it, look deeper, it’s there!

“Champions never complain, they are too busy getting better.” – John Wooden

4. There are no justified resentments

None, zip, zilch, zero! That person that borrowed $500 off you and never paid you back, forgive them. That significant other that dropped you like a hot coal just when you needed them the most, forgive them. That business partner that screwed you to the wall and caused you to lose a vast amount of money, forgive them. Remember, forgiveness is not about them, it’s about you. By letting go of the resentments that you have toward other people you open yourself up to the endless possibilities of bountiful manifestations that can occur because of your positive attitude and constructive optimism.

Think of these four big No’s! Number them, with number one being the one which you practice and think about the most. Then answer the following questions:

  • What can I do to alter this behavior and/or thought process?
  • What situations do I encounter and lead me in this behavior and/or thought process?
  • Can I avoid those situations?
  • If so, am I willing to avoid those situations?

Then do that with the second the third and the fourth big No’s. What will happen after enough time is that you will no longer be looking for situations to offend you, rather you will begin to open up to the possibilities of what the world and the universe have to offer you in a positive, enthusiastic, and engaging light.

I look forward to your comments, opinions, and suggestions. Please feel free to write them below.

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Success Advice

9 Ways To Build Unbreakable Confidence From The Outside In

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Build Self Confidence

There are a million different resources and pieces of advice out there from “experts” on how to build confidence, particularly self-confidence.

A vulnerable and anxious population consumes this guidance like they are starving for it… probably because they are. The dream of being able to overcome all fear and self-imposed limits by simply reading some advice is a very tempting dish indeed.

After lifetimes of being subject to images and ideals that they cannot possibly live up to, people start to feel like they are “less than.” This fear of being a substandard human being drives some of us to seek guidance, bringing us into contact with the murky, over-crowded world of self-help products and services.

Look, some of the stuff out there is good – I know, I’ve tried most of it. However, some of it is very misguided and even delusional.

People who lack self-confidence themselves can take a class on basic theoretical knowledge of psychological research, and use it to excrete volumes of garbage about how to build self-esteem and confidence. They then charge copious amounts of money for this drivel, which usually makes you feel great temporarily but does absolutely nothing to change your long term situation.

I’m not going to pretend I know it all, yet what I do have to offer is that I have completed the full journey, from shy, “nice,” and trying to please everyone, all the way through to where I am now.

You may ask, where is that, and what does being confident mean to me? It means that these things now occur in my life where they didn’t before:

  • I regularly seek out opportunities to push boundaries and expand my comfort zone, running towards fear rather than away from it
  • I can go into a situation full of anxiety and quickly push through that to enable me to feel competent and at ease
  • I feel comfortable being honest in all situations. Rather than hide my views, I express them calmly and diplomatically where required, but also without compromise
  • I place my needs above everything else. I am selfish about developing my life and inner-self, because I know that ultimately the people in my life will benefit from me being a better person
  • Most importantly from my point of view, I can’t remember the last time I felt jealousy or envy, and it’s been many, many years since I entertained the idea of wanting to be anyone else

So how did I get to this from being a “nice” guy that did all I could to avoid confrontation and anxiety-provoking situations? Well, it wasn’t easy! I have taken some time to break down the steps I took to achieve this in order to help others out there who are similar to me and serious about developing true, unbreakable inner confidence.

See the secret is really no secret at all – it’s about constantly taking action in a way that pushes your comfort zone further out until you learn how to make any situation feel like it’s in your comfort zone.

Below are 9 ways to build unbreakable confidence from the outside in:

1. Identifying your ultimate dream lifestyle

Something that is a real confidence drainer is not knowing where you’re going in life. The great thing is you don’t even need to be sure about it; you just need to have a direction to travel in.

Try taking 30 minutes to write down a descriptive paragraph or two about what your life would look like if you could wave a magic wand and choose anything. I’ve found with my clients that answering these three questions in detail is a great structure to use:

1What will you have / what will you be doing?

2) How would other people describe you?

3) What will you think about yourself?

Writing down the detailed answers to these questions, using emotional and descriptive language. Once you’ve done this, make sure you re-read it regularly (at least twice per week) to remind yourself constantly about why it is you are getting out of bed.

This will increase your sense of purpose in life, a reason to live in a way, which will increase your confidence. Of course, to actually achieve this dream lifestyle, there are further steps you need to take… (read on).

2. Writing down goals and striving to achieve them

I remember reading about a study at Oxford University: researchers asked all students in a class who had written down their goals. I can’t remember the exact details but about 3% of them did this.

When the researchers revisited the students again 20 years later, the small group who had written down goals were earning a combined income that was greater than the combined income of all 97% of their classmates.

There are plenty of free resources out there on how to write goals (including The Inspirational Lifestyle). The general key I recommend is that rather than write outcome based goals (e.g. “I will get a promotion”) try writing action-based goals that are under your control (e.g. “I will take a management course and then apply for a promotion”).

By making sure the goals are under your control, your confidence is not subject to luck. Remove luck by making sure that nothing and no-one can affect the achievement of your goal except for you.

3. Reading popular self-development books by successful business people

While there are far too many refuse-bin-worthy self-development books out there, your safest bet is to read the memoirs and how-to books which are written by people who have actually achieved something.

It really is simple; if someone like Richard Branson is a billionaire, he’s probably a pretty reliable source of information on how to make money. It’s much better to listen to him than someone fresh from completing an MBA and spilling a bunch of inexperienced theory-based conjecture.

4Learning how to manage your state of mind

Most of the time the reason you feel anxious or nervous about a situation you’re about to go into, such as public speaking, is because you’re in the wrong frame of mind.

Imagine this: you’ve been studying accounting for three straights hours without interruption, when all of a sudden you’re dragged to a party. Straight away you feel anxiety even though going to a party is not an unusual situation for you. So what’s the problem?

Your brain was set into the “studying” state, which is secluded, quiet, and antisocial. You are then thrown into a situation which requires you to be extroverted, talkative and social. This is a really uncomfortable imbalance for your brain to handle. The solution? Taking baby steps.

When you realize you are feeling anxiety about an upcoming situation and you suspect that it is because of being in the wrong state, try to figure out some in-between steps you can take.

Using our example above, rather than going straight to the party, you could have a chat on the phone with some close friends, followed by pre-drinks at your house with just a few people. This way by the time you get to the party your state has gone from withdrawn to outgoing in easy to manage steps.

confidence picture quote

5Understanding the balance between learning, mentoring and action

One of the most common barriers to success is too much thinking and not enough doing. It’s the doing that builds confidence, not the learning.

As a general rule, for every hour you spend reading or watching videos (passive learning), you will benefit most by complementing this with two hours of mentoring or coaching, and seven hours practicing or otherwise taking action. It’s the 10/20/70 rule.

This is why I’ve titled this article “9 ways to build confidence from the outside in,” because building confidence goes far beyond just reading inspirational or educational books. It’s about taking action so you will start seeing results and positive changes.

6. Approaching strangers

This is one of the scariest things for people to do – very few can do it sober without a background in cold-calling or sales of some kind. Doing this is a really powerful way to build confidence, particularly if you’re single and approaching strangers with the intention of potential romance.

If you can get yourself to do this sober and during the day, it makes everything else seem a lot less scary. You can learn to love rejection as the learning and feedback experience it really is.

7. Trying new things regularly

Having a routine can kill your creativity and make your life boring. It’s important to seek new adventures, and always try new things regularly because it can boost your confidence through the following two ways.

1) By learning a range of skills and having varied experiences, you start building up transferable abilities. Over time less situations will seem totally unknown because you will have done something similar before.

For example, I found I really enjoyed salsa dancing despite never having danced before, because it combined my previous experiences of playing in a band and doing martial arts.

2) You will eventually find those things that bring you the most pleasure and satisfaction (in a non-creepy way of course).

Confidence is often also described as “conscious competence,” which basically means that if you are doing something that you are skilled at, and you know that you are skilled, you feel confident.

8. Surrounding yourself with successful people

Successful people always say “how can we do this?” whereas unsuccessful people generally say “why should we do this?

What kind of people do you spend the most time with? Until you develop a strong inner core of confidence that others cannot touch, you need to surround yourself with “can do” people in order to feed on their confidence.

People showing you that anything is possible, and that they believe you are capable of anything will go a long way towards helping you believe this yourself.

9. Making a conscious effort to stop caring about other’s opinions of you

Finally, the biggest lesson I ever really learned about developing true all-round confidence is that the only person I should compare myself to is… myself. There is nothing to be gained in comparing myself to others or trying to live to others expectations.

Confidence comes from setting your own expectations of yourself and then trying your best to live up to them. I am not saying that you shouldn’t compete with others, because that’s a great motivator too, but your results and progress should only be measured against your past self.

Well that’s it. There’s a million other things you can do, but I am sure that if you start with this list and TAKE ACTION rather than just read this and do nothing, then you will start to see big changes in how you feel about yourself.

Which one of the above 9 ways to build unbreakable confidence resonated most with you and why?

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Success Advice

It’s Not How Smart You Are That Defines Your Career — It’s This

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Look around the office you work in. Some people are managers. Some people make six-figure salaries. Some people are senior executives. Some people work in customer service on the frontline.

It’s a big mistake to think that where you are in your career has something to do with how smart you are.

I’ve met many smart people who crash and burn in their careers because they have to be always right or they overthink, or they know a lot about the wrong things or they have very low emotional intelligence causing them to upset many people at the same time.

If being smart made us successful then we’d all go and consume endless information and become millionaires shortly after.

Being smart is not enough.

So what does define your career and the success you have?


1. How badly you want it

The woman/man that became CEO wanted it more.

The person with the 7-figure business wanted it more.

The woman that won an Olympic Gold Medal wanted it more.

You have to want your goals really, really, really bad.

Wanting something so badly that you’re prepared to do anything to get there (ethically) is how you get the energy to overcome the rejection and failure it’s going to take to get reach that point.

I wanted to share my story and inspire people with it very badly. I thought of creating a WordPress website, but I had no idea how to and had zero technical skill. My knowledge of how to market that website was also zero.
I tried creating a Facebook Page and to date, it still has less than 3000 followers which means I fall short by a lot in terms of my target to inspire millions of people.

I tried using Twitter and reaching people that way. I was never able to get any real engagement. I’d tweet Elon Musk. I’d message Tony Robbins. I’d write the best tweet humanly possible. It all led nowhere.

I tried using a blogging platform called Medium. I was able to build a small following, but most people in my area of the world don’t use it. I still came up short of my goal.

Then, I tried writing on a blog that already had lots of viewers called Addicted2Success and began posting on LinkedIn daily.

Everything changed. I wanted to inspire people so badly that I kept trying until I found a platform that worked for what I had to say. Wanting it badly enough was what helped me keep going from 2014 until now. It didn’t stop there, though.

When my career took a turn down a black hole, my motivation died. Suddenly, writing on Addicted2Success and LinkedIn became hard. I didn’t want it as bad because the pain caused by my work life was too much. I let things slip temporarily for about 3 weeks. Engagement went to an all-time low.

It didn’t last long, though. Why? My thinking changed when I reminded myself how upset I would be if I didn’t achieve my goal. It meant far too much and in the back of my mind, I still wanted it badly.

I went back over all the emails from people I’d helped and that spark came back. Deep down, I still wanted it badly. I still wanted to inspire millions of people.

Wanting it bad was what helped me to revive my blogging career and continue helping millions of people.

Wanting it badly will define your career.


2. What you think is possible

I met a guy earlier in the year that came from a farm in the middle of Outback Australia.

He’d sold his digital marketing business for a lot of money and banked a huge amount of coin as a result. He had no tech background. He had no business knowledge. He didn’t have seven-figure friends that drove Bentley’s.

What he had was an uncanny ability to think anything was possible. He saw himself rising above his circumstances even though he had no evidence to prove that he could do so. He worked long hours and built up a team of cult followers. They learned together how to get businesses exposure through social media and search engines.

For many of the people on his team, it was their first job. He didn’t pay them well because he couldn’t. All he thought was that one day, together, they’d do something incredible — and they did.

A lot of what happens in your career is based on how you think. If you think you can never be a manager, entrepreneur or executive, then you won’t be.

If you think you can be good at public speaking, you might.
If you think you can hit your sales target, you might.
If you think you can start a successful business, you might.
If you’re not successful right now, you will be.

It’s only a matter of time until one of the bets in your career pays off

It’s a combination of being ready, being humble, thinking right and having the skills to execute. Not thinking you can achieve big will rob you of whatever it is that you want in your career.

I shouldn’t be a successful blogger because I can’t write that well, I have bad spelling/grammar skills, I don’t own a blog and I’m not filthy rich. Despite all that I’ve achieved my blogging goal.

I saw my goal become possible before anybody else did.

I told myself that every major challenge was necessary for me to eventually get what I wanted. I thought my goal was possible even though all the facts suggested it wasn’t. Instead of relying on data I relied on my own mind to lead me down the right path.

I chose to believe when no one else did.

This very way of thinking is not unique to me. Many of the leaders around the world that shape the human race think in the same way.

What you think is possible in your career will define what goals you can achieve.

Your thinking defines your career.
Being smart isn’t enough.

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Success Advice

How to Create Your Own Version of Success

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Success is in the eye of the beholder. And because every human being sees life and all the things that come with it through their lens of experience, everyone’s individual idea of life, growth and success is defined by what they see, hear, think, feel and taste. This means that you have the power to determine what success means to you.

Many of the greatest thought-leaders, business people and influencers throughout history have provided their thoughts and opinions about success –  how to achieve it, how to manage it and how to be it. They’ve written books that are supposed to share with the world how success is merely a feeling and a wish. While many of the most successful people have warned that success is what you make of it, society has coined “success” as being wealthy, influential, famous, and lavish.

You may be thinking, “I’m not rich, but I’m well off,” or “I’m not a social media influencer, so I don’t have much clout.” But here is the truth: You, just the way you are, are already a success. Here’s why. Think of all the things that have happened in your life – the good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful. Up until this very moment, you have made a series of choices that have shaped your reality.

Therefore, you have created the life you have, and you have set the terms of how you decide to live your life. Not to suggest that your life is perfect because no ones life is exactly as they want it, but the fact that you have created your reality shows that you are a creator. It also shows that you are in charge of creating the success you desire.

“Success is not in what you have, but who you are.” – Bo Bennett

Even if you feel like you should be so much further along than you are today, you still made it to today and that’s a good thing. If you are reading this feeling like you need to shift things around in your life so that you can feel like a success, try these three things below.

  1. Jot down all the words that you think of when you read the word “success,” and mark the words that align with who you are. Ask yourself what you believe you need to feel like a success. Only write down what resonates with you, not what you think people expect of you. Remember, that you are defining your journey, so you get to make up all the rules.
  2. Now, write down all the words you think about when you read the word “unsuccessful,” and mark all the words that may describe some aspect of you that you want to eliminate. Don’t just consider the big stuff, small stuff matters too! Procrastinating to get out of bed in the morning, drinking too much soda, or even spending too much time watching television are all examples of habits that could in some way affect your personal growth.
  3. Lastly, create an SAP (Success Attack Plan) to align yourself with more of the descriptive words that you associate with success and start to eliminate the characteristics you may possess that depict you as less than who you desire to be.

Your Success Attack Plan doesn’t have to be elaborate. It can start with an actionable idea as simple as, “Read one book this month about personal development,” or “Connect with someone who can mentor me.” Sometimes, you have to look to those who have been where you are to help you get where you desire to be. Just remember, your journey won’t look like theirs so pay attention to your inner being at all times and do what feels natural and right to your situation.

“There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way and not starting.” – Buddha

When you create your lists, be as imaginative as possible. Consider those people, places and things around you. Think about what you like and don’t like. Ponder on energy you want to attract that you do not already have and things you want to repel.

Don’t worry about setting a timeline for this. Creating a vision for your life starts with setting an intention at this moment and allowing that intention to lead you in the days to come. To see yourself five years from now, you have to do the things today that will help you get to the future.

Don’t allow others to tell you what you should aspire to be when it comes to success. You are in command, and you are in charge of your present and your future. Own it, own your success and own you.

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10 Tips to Create Time and Space for Both Your Goals and Your Loved Ones

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Let’s face it, there are only 24 hours in a day and we all have the same 24 hours. How we spend those 24 hours will determine how much we have to show for them. Whether you are just starting out on a new venture, or perhaps you are taking an existing project or business to the next level, it takes a lot of time, energy and commitment to make it happen. But our personal relationships take the same components to function happily as well. (more…)

Naomi Stone enjoys traveling near and far and spending time with family, especially family dinners and spendovers with her three nieces. Naomi also enjoys scrapbooking, photography, gardening, and craft shows. She works with All In Packaging and you can reach her at stone99naomi@gmail.com

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38 Comments

38 Comments

  1. Philip Verghese Ariel

    Mar 2, 2018 at 7:10 am

    Hi Tim,
    What a joy to be here today.
    I am here via Linkedin.
    Happy to read these 14 amazing ways or tips you shared here.
    It is indeed a great joy to know that some of them I am already following, and as you said: I could experience a change in my life.
    I too have a slight hesitation at the beginning with Linkedin, but later I found that it is indeed a wonderful platform. Thanks for sharing it.
    And Ha, the last but not the least is really a rocking one! One need to follow this very diligently. I am sure that attitude will make a great impact on others.
    Keep sharing.
    Best Regards,
    ~ Philip

  2. Suraj

    Jun 20, 2017 at 2:04 pm

    Sir I don’t understand about the network part
    All the above it was good and motivational
    Thanks

  3. George Azide

    Apr 23, 2017 at 9:59 pm

    Mr. Denning,

    I’m literally in awe at the quality of your writing.

    Here’s how I came across you – I recently have been stuck in starting my business and wasn’t sure about the next step to take. (I live in Dallas, Tx we’re an entrepreneurial bunch down here.) I signed up for a curated content last year and NEVER read one single email.

    Well today, for some reason, I opened up that inbox and read the email at the top of the list and in was an article titled, “What I Learned From the World’s Greatest Venture Capitalist”.

    As someone who has never even said the phrase “venture capitalist”, I honestly can’t tell you what compelled me to open the article.

    I didn’t just read it, I was absorbed by it. Your content is rich, my man.

    I instantly knew I needed to be on your list to learn more about you. Your article (indirectly) showed me a path for my business that I had NEVER previously considered. So for that I thank you.

    I’m not sure what to call it, but I feel you are filling the exact role you are supposed to be filling in life. And that’s rare to come across randomly.

    I’ve downloaded your Game Changing Influencer eBook and have read most of your work on Addicted2Success. Oddly enough, I don’t see a place where you offer a product. So, this may sound weird, but…can I buy anything from you?

    You’ve blown my mind and I had no idea who you were an hour ago. Ha! As someone who truly embraces the power of the internet, I am very pleased at the moment.

    Thank you again, Mr. Denning. To your continued success.

  4. Glenn

    Jan 3, 2016 at 12:06 am

    Nice post Tim.

    Some really valuable insights.

    The more you grow and learn, the more opportunities open up.

    • Tim Denning

      Jan 23, 2016 at 12:27 am

      Cheers Glenn I am glad you learnt a thing or two.

  5. Indika

    Jul 5, 2015 at 3:53 pm

    Hey Tim,
    This is great practical motivational article I ever seen. thanx a lot Tim. I appriciate ur concern about green meals,friends and giving second chance. who ever wants to stay tune I belive this is the article for them.thank you very much again for the ideas.ideas.keep inspiring people. all the best Tim.

    • Tim Denning

      Jul 11, 2015 at 1:43 pm

      Thanks Indika for the kind words and I wish you all the success you deserve.

  6. Nina

    Jun 8, 2015 at 9:41 pm

    I’ve done all of these suggestions and am SO HAPPY! It just all came natural to me over time and now I’m investing in myself and my health. I quit an unhealthy job, chopped out unhealthy people and situations and am learning to like myself. All of these suggestions are absolutely a part of enlightenment. I love seeing someone else encouraging others to push on and give suggestions like yours. Great read for anyone who needs a different direction.

    • Tim Denning

      Jun 11, 2015 at 11:11 am

      Thanks Nina and congrats on making the change. Over the next few months you will see some rapid changes and find that your happiness increases. Don’t forget to try the green juices.

  7. Nkuli

    Jun 3, 2015 at 10:24 am

    Hi Tim

    This ia a great read….I have been in the coporate world for almost 5 years and in different compaines and I have realised that I always find something that makes me unhappy hence the jumping from one job to another. so I want to pursue my business idea that I have had for a good 6 months now and the fear of leaving the safety of having a job is over powering me however I feel the need to start my business and find hapiness in what I do and love.
    What is your advise in quiting my current job to pursue my business?

    • Tim Denning

      Jun 6, 2015 at 10:30 am

      Nkuli, I have known quite a few people over the years who have gone through the same thing. Changing from job to job won’t fix anything, the two things that will help is personal development and entrepreneurship.

      If you have that entrepreneur bug then it’s time to pursue it as your only on this planet once and regrets are the worse thing that you can suffer from. I wish you all the success with your new business and go out there and crush it.

  8. sunanda

    May 1, 2015 at 3:44 am

    i so appriciate this post as inspired me fr to take my stand nw .spend sm years as a emotional fool n stuck .as very appropriate to delete negative ppl ,thoughts from life n nvr gv a second chance to thm .thanks again.

    • Tim Denning

      May 5, 2015 at 11:19 pm

      Not a problem at all Sunanda.

  9. jack

    Apr 21, 2015 at 3:56 pm

    latter

  10. Sakib

    Apr 18, 2015 at 7:37 am

    Hey Tim .. I am really motivated after reading this .. thing is I am in a the middle of medical school course and I am not even interested in this field. All I did was fool thing I know. But now I am 23 do you think that I should change my career ? Im so afraid because people of my age started earning money and I am here like stuck in situation its like life is stopped at a point.

    • Tim Denning

      Apr 19, 2015 at 9:13 am

      Sakib, glad you got some motivation from this article, but its purpose would be completely useless if you didn’t go and take some action. If you’re studying something you are not interested in and can’t see yourself doing it for the rest of your life then maybe it’s time to look for another opportunity. 23 years old is still very young and most people change their career lots of times in their life, so don’t feel like its too late because it’s not. Earning money is good but it’s nothing to be proud of. What you should be proud of is finding your passion and making a living from that. It’s going to take some time to find that one thing but unless you admit where you’re at and start looking, things will never change and you won’t get the happiness that I believe you deserve.

  11. Marko

    Apr 17, 2015 at 9:40 pm

    What is success?

    • Tim Denning

      Apr 19, 2015 at 9:08 am

      Marko, success is the outcome you get, from changing things in your life, so you will grow and do what you are passionate about. Only you can define what success is in your life and it’s not necessarily monetary related.

  12. Janet

    Apr 16, 2015 at 2:21 am

    I so appreciate this post. It takes work to achieve success and sometimes lots of old things do have to be done away with.

    • Tim Denning

      Apr 19, 2015 at 9:06 am

      Thanks Janet. You hit the nail on the head, you have to do away with old habits and replace them with new empowring ones.

  13. Katrina

    Apr 13, 2015 at 8:19 pm

    Love it, thanks for sharing!!! A great read for someone who wakes up at 4.30am most mornings in frustration of their current situation. This really helps.

    • Tim Denning

      Apr 15, 2015 at 8:35 am

      Your certainly better than me Katrina I wake up at 5am so you’re getting 30 mins of extra reading time than me. Don;t be frustrated with your current situation. This situation is temporary and you will soon be out of Winter back into Summer.

  14. Erick Ramirez

    Apr 13, 2015 at 2:07 am

    Thank you for this, it was a very inspiring morning read. I read a lot of articles but yours was very sincere and really spoke to me. I’m planning on a career and life change at the end of this year, moving from Japan to Hawaii. So I’m looking to start enriching my life. Do you have a blog? I would love to read more of your articles.

    • Tim Denning

      Apr 13, 2015 at 11:33 am

      Thanks for commenting Erick. Best of luck with the change in country. I write exclusively for Addicted2Success but you can view all my articles I post on the site via facebook.com/timdenning

      • Erick Ramirez

        Apr 13, 2015 at 12:56 pm

        Good stuff on your Facebook page, liked it. Thanks for the reply. Good luck with reaching the masses.

  15. Cristi Vlad

    Apr 10, 2015 at 11:26 am

    You really hit the nail on the head with #12. thanks! 🙂

    • Tim Denning

      Apr 12, 2015 at 1:24 am

      Thanks Cristi. I think giving is a common law of success and that’s why it is mentioned so much in the world of personal development.

  16. Raymond Foo

    Apr 9, 2015 at 3:05 pm

    Hey, I’m 20 now. I live in Malaysia. I’m deciding whether to further study or go to work. Some major that cross my mind is Civil Engineering(don’t know if I will like it, but I’m considering it because I could work in an office while still going outside),Marketing(fear that I would get a lowpay). If work, I will work as a Salesperson to get many money and start a business. My goal is to get my dream car. And Travel. What is your advice? Your article ia great and that’s all the thing I’m working towards.

    • Tim Denning

      Apr 12, 2015 at 1:30 am

      Hi Raymond, thanks for your comment. Do what makes you really happy. If you’re not sure which option will make you happy then try a secondment or a 4 week trial. Consider taking someone out for coffee who already has the job that you want. If none of these options work then there is a chance you might be destined for the entrepreneur world. Don’t fear about low pay. You can make lots of money doing pretty much anything as long as you’re passionate about it. I have seen people clean toilets and drains and make plenty from doing this. Getting your dream car will only be short lived joy and then you will get complacent again. I have been through this already and no dream car will ever satisfy. What you are really chasing in the feeling that you get my driving your dream car. Try and get that feeling through doing something that may not involve money. Hope those tips give you some clarity. Feel free to connect via http://www.facebook.com/tim.denning to keep in touch

  17. Michele

    Apr 8, 2015 at 3:57 pm

    Thanks Tim, this is really useful. I am on a journey to redesign my life as well. I have done many of these things and am working on a few others- like not worrying about the outcome. It is a process!

    • Tim Denning

      Apr 12, 2015 at 1:30 am

      That’s really good to hear Michele and I hope you get where you want to go.

  18. Susan

    Apr 8, 2015 at 3:08 am

    This is amazing!! Thank you!!

    • Tim Denning

      Apr 8, 2015 at 7:40 pm

      Not a problem Susan!

  19. Bala

    Apr 7, 2015 at 9:08 pm

    Great Tips. My Favorite ‘ Dont worry about the outcome of Everything’ . I am working on it. Patience and persistence is key. Today we are used to seeing ‘instant’ results when we have just started putting in the effort.

    Thanks Tim

    • Tim Denning

      Apr 8, 2015 at 7:38 pm

      Agree Bala and thanks for sharing your opinion.

  20. James Dunn

    Apr 7, 2015 at 9:43 am

    Great article!! I can see myself in so many of the steps you’ve mentioned, and I can see that the others are the ones I need to take.

    I attended UPW in San Jose, CA last year and it was a life changing event for me as well. Tony Robbins is such an amazing guy.

    Thanks for the great tips!

    • Tim Denning

      Apr 8, 2015 at 7:40 pm

      I can totally relate James. I went to UPW a few years back in Sydney and it was phenomenal. I think the walking on fire part was the most fun, although day 4 on health was a bit of a shake up.

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Success Advice

Practice These 4 No’s for Greater Success

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In much of the success literature and in the applied motivational literature that is developed today, the explicit suggestions contained within are to practice certain behaviors for a certain outcome. So, you may see information with titles such as, “Do these four things for greater happiness”, or, “Perform the seven steps every morning for more focus”.

Not only am I a large proponent of these quick and distilled attributes of behavior change to bring about greater levels of whatever the outcome should be, I am also an author of a great many of them. The notion of cause and effect is explicit in applied motivation. If you want to change and affect then do not work on the effect directly, work on the cause that will invariably change the outcome.

So many of us try to psychologically bully our conscious mind into various effects, when all we really need to do is understand the causes. Thoughts drive behavior. If you change the thought the behavior must change. But can you increase your level of overall well-being by NOT doing certain things? And I know the answer is yes. It all begins with a shift in our perception and the thought process.

“If you realized how powerful your thoughts are, you would never think a negative thought.” – Peace Pilgrim

Here are four NO’s that you may want to stop practicing. And by virtue of not doing these things you will have more mental room, and idea space between your positive notions for greater levels of contentment and well-being.

1. There are no justified discontentment’s

If the laws of cause and effect, and the law of attraction hold true, then we are where we are right now by virtue of our past behaviors, which are a direct result of our past beginning. So don’t be mad over your current situation, you created it! If you want to be happy, change it! But don’t just sit there and bask in your discontentment; bring about the necessary changes that you require.

In the words of James Ray, “a person of power embraces challenges and complete gratitude. No matter the situation life may bring, discontent is never justified, but rather all is experienced as an opportunity and privilege to adventure and grow.”

2. There are no justified excuses

The present is a doorway that balances past events with future circumstances. When we begin to fully grasp the idea that there is no dress rehearsal, we are on Broadway; that there is no scrimmage, today we are in the Super Bowl, we begin to realize that our life is a series of micro adjustments and that we are in total and complete control over them. Instead of wasting time making excuses for poor decisions, spend that time in fine-tuning future decisions to make up for those poor decisions of the past.

3. There are no justified complaints

We complain about a situation for one of two reasons. One, to elicit pity from another and, two, to transfer the issue we are complaining about to somebody else. Either behavior is destructive to the current personal relationship and will only serve to undermine future transactions with that individual.

Be a person of higher self-esteem; handle your issues in silence then speak to another individual about your successful outcomes. By doing so, you have altered your focus on a positive outcome instead of our negative conditions. By the way, there is always a successful outcome! If you can find it, look deeper, it’s there!

“Champions never complain, they are too busy getting better.” – John Wooden

4. There are no justified resentments

None, zip, zilch, zero! That person that borrowed $500 off you and never paid you back, forgive them. That significant other that dropped you like a hot coal just when you needed them the most, forgive them. That business partner that screwed you to the wall and caused you to lose a vast amount of money, forgive them. Remember, forgiveness is not about them, it’s about you. By letting go of the resentments that you have toward other people you open yourself up to the endless possibilities of bountiful manifestations that can occur because of your positive attitude and constructive optimism.

Think of these four big No’s! Number them, with number one being the one which you practice and think about the most. Then answer the following questions:

  • What can I do to alter this behavior and/or thought process?
  • What situations do I encounter and lead me in this behavior and/or thought process?
  • Can I avoid those situations?
  • If so, am I willing to avoid those situations?

Then do that with the second the third and the fourth big No’s. What will happen after enough time is that you will no longer be looking for situations to offend you, rather you will begin to open up to the possibilities of what the world and the universe have to offer you in a positive, enthusiastic, and engaging light.

I look forward to your comments, opinions, and suggestions. Please feel free to write them below.

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9 Ways To Build Unbreakable Confidence From The Outside In

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Build Self Confidence

There are a million different resources and pieces of advice out there from “experts” on how to build confidence, particularly self-confidence.

A vulnerable and anxious population consumes this guidance like they are starving for it… probably because they are. The dream of being able to overcome all fear and self-imposed limits by simply reading some advice is a very tempting dish indeed.

After lifetimes of being subject to images and ideals that they cannot possibly live up to, people start to feel like they are “less than.” This fear of being a substandard human being drives some of us to seek guidance, bringing us into contact with the murky, over-crowded world of self-help products and services.

Look, some of the stuff out there is good – I know, I’ve tried most of it. However, some of it is very misguided and even delusional.

People who lack self-confidence themselves can take a class on basic theoretical knowledge of psychological research, and use it to excrete volumes of garbage about how to build self-esteem and confidence. They then charge copious amounts of money for this drivel, which usually makes you feel great temporarily but does absolutely nothing to change your long term situation.

I’m not going to pretend I know it all, yet what I do have to offer is that I have completed the full journey, from shy, “nice,” and trying to please everyone, all the way through to where I am now.

You may ask, where is that, and what does being confident mean to me? It means that these things now occur in my life where they didn’t before:

  • I regularly seek out opportunities to push boundaries and expand my comfort zone, running towards fear rather than away from it
  • I can go into a situation full of anxiety and quickly push through that to enable me to feel competent and at ease
  • I feel comfortable being honest in all situations. Rather than hide my views, I express them calmly and diplomatically where required, but also without compromise
  • I place my needs above everything else. I am selfish about developing my life and inner-self, because I know that ultimately the people in my life will benefit from me being a better person
  • Most importantly from my point of view, I can’t remember the last time I felt jealousy or envy, and it’s been many, many years since I entertained the idea of wanting to be anyone else

So how did I get to this from being a “nice” guy that did all I could to avoid confrontation and anxiety-provoking situations? Well, it wasn’t easy! I have taken some time to break down the steps I took to achieve this in order to help others out there who are similar to me and serious about developing true, unbreakable inner confidence.

See the secret is really no secret at all – it’s about constantly taking action in a way that pushes your comfort zone further out until you learn how to make any situation feel like it’s in your comfort zone.

Below are 9 ways to build unbreakable confidence from the outside in:

1. Identifying your ultimate dream lifestyle

Something that is a real confidence drainer is not knowing where you’re going in life. The great thing is you don’t even need to be sure about it; you just need to have a direction to travel in.

Try taking 30 minutes to write down a descriptive paragraph or two about what your life would look like if you could wave a magic wand and choose anything. I’ve found with my clients that answering these three questions in detail is a great structure to use:

1What will you have / what will you be doing?

2) How would other people describe you?

3) What will you think about yourself?

Writing down the detailed answers to these questions, using emotional and descriptive language. Once you’ve done this, make sure you re-read it regularly (at least twice per week) to remind yourself constantly about why it is you are getting out of bed.

This will increase your sense of purpose in life, a reason to live in a way, which will increase your confidence. Of course, to actually achieve this dream lifestyle, there are further steps you need to take… (read on).

2. Writing down goals and striving to achieve them

I remember reading about a study at Oxford University: researchers asked all students in a class who had written down their goals. I can’t remember the exact details but about 3% of them did this.

When the researchers revisited the students again 20 years later, the small group who had written down goals were earning a combined income that was greater than the combined income of all 97% of their classmates.

There are plenty of free resources out there on how to write goals (including The Inspirational Lifestyle). The general key I recommend is that rather than write outcome based goals (e.g. “I will get a promotion”) try writing action-based goals that are under your control (e.g. “I will take a management course and then apply for a promotion”).

By making sure the goals are under your control, your confidence is not subject to luck. Remove luck by making sure that nothing and no-one can affect the achievement of your goal except for you.

3. Reading popular self-development books by successful business people

While there are far too many refuse-bin-worthy self-development books out there, your safest bet is to read the memoirs and how-to books which are written by people who have actually achieved something.

It really is simple; if someone like Richard Branson is a billionaire, he’s probably a pretty reliable source of information on how to make money. It’s much better to listen to him than someone fresh from completing an MBA and spilling a bunch of inexperienced theory-based conjecture.

4Learning how to manage your state of mind

Most of the time the reason you feel anxious or nervous about a situation you’re about to go into, such as public speaking, is because you’re in the wrong frame of mind.

Imagine this: you’ve been studying accounting for three straights hours without interruption, when all of a sudden you’re dragged to a party. Straight away you feel anxiety even though going to a party is not an unusual situation for you. So what’s the problem?

Your brain was set into the “studying” state, which is secluded, quiet, and antisocial. You are then thrown into a situation which requires you to be extroverted, talkative and social. This is a really uncomfortable imbalance for your brain to handle. The solution? Taking baby steps.

When you realize you are feeling anxiety about an upcoming situation and you suspect that it is because of being in the wrong state, try to figure out some in-between steps you can take.

Using our example above, rather than going straight to the party, you could have a chat on the phone with some close friends, followed by pre-drinks at your house with just a few people. This way by the time you get to the party your state has gone from withdrawn to outgoing in easy to manage steps.

confidence picture quote

5Understanding the balance between learning, mentoring and action

One of the most common barriers to success is too much thinking and not enough doing. It’s the doing that builds confidence, not the learning.

As a general rule, for every hour you spend reading or watching videos (passive learning), you will benefit most by complementing this with two hours of mentoring or coaching, and seven hours practicing or otherwise taking action. It’s the 10/20/70 rule.

This is why I’ve titled this article “9 ways to build confidence from the outside in,” because building confidence goes far beyond just reading inspirational or educational books. It’s about taking action so you will start seeing results and positive changes.

6. Approaching strangers

This is one of the scariest things for people to do – very few can do it sober without a background in cold-calling or sales of some kind. Doing this is a really powerful way to build confidence, particularly if you’re single and approaching strangers with the intention of potential romance.

If you can get yourself to do this sober and during the day, it makes everything else seem a lot less scary. You can learn to love rejection as the learning and feedback experience it really is.

7. Trying new things regularly

Having a routine can kill your creativity and make your life boring. It’s important to seek new adventures, and always try new things regularly because it can boost your confidence through the following two ways.

1) By learning a range of skills and having varied experiences, you start building up transferable abilities. Over time less situations will seem totally unknown because you will have done something similar before.

For example, I found I really enjoyed salsa dancing despite never having danced before, because it combined my previous experiences of playing in a band and doing martial arts.

2) You will eventually find those things that bring you the most pleasure and satisfaction (in a non-creepy way of course).

Confidence is often also described as “conscious competence,” which basically means that if you are doing something that you are skilled at, and you know that you are skilled, you feel confident.

8. Surrounding yourself with successful people

Successful people always say “how can we do this?” whereas unsuccessful people generally say “why should we do this?

What kind of people do you spend the most time with? Until you develop a strong inner core of confidence that others cannot touch, you need to surround yourself with “can do” people in order to feed on their confidence.

People showing you that anything is possible, and that they believe you are capable of anything will go a long way towards helping you believe this yourself.

9. Making a conscious effort to stop caring about other’s opinions of you

Finally, the biggest lesson I ever really learned about developing true all-round confidence is that the only person I should compare myself to is… myself. There is nothing to be gained in comparing myself to others or trying to live to others expectations.

Confidence comes from setting your own expectations of yourself and then trying your best to live up to them. I am not saying that you shouldn’t compete with others, because that’s a great motivator too, but your results and progress should only be measured against your past self.

Well that’s it. There’s a million other things you can do, but I am sure that if you start with this list and TAKE ACTION rather than just read this and do nothing, then you will start to see big changes in how you feel about yourself.

Which one of the above 9 ways to build unbreakable confidence resonated most with you and why?

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Success Advice

It’s Not How Smart You Are That Defines Your Career — It’s This

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Image Credit: Unsplash

Look around the office you work in. Some people are managers. Some people make six-figure salaries. Some people are senior executives. Some people work in customer service on the frontline.

It’s a big mistake to think that where you are in your career has something to do with how smart you are.

I’ve met many smart people who crash and burn in their careers because they have to be always right or they overthink, or they know a lot about the wrong things or they have very low emotional intelligence causing them to upset many people at the same time.

If being smart made us successful then we’d all go and consume endless information and become millionaires shortly after.

Being smart is not enough.

So what does define your career and the success you have?


1. How badly you want it

The woman/man that became CEO wanted it more.

The person with the 7-figure business wanted it more.

The woman that won an Olympic Gold Medal wanted it more.

You have to want your goals really, really, really bad.

Wanting something so badly that you’re prepared to do anything to get there (ethically) is how you get the energy to overcome the rejection and failure it’s going to take to get reach that point.

I wanted to share my story and inspire people with it very badly. I thought of creating a WordPress website, but I had no idea how to and had zero technical skill. My knowledge of how to market that website was also zero.
I tried creating a Facebook Page and to date, it still has less than 3000 followers which means I fall short by a lot in terms of my target to inspire millions of people.

I tried using Twitter and reaching people that way. I was never able to get any real engagement. I’d tweet Elon Musk. I’d message Tony Robbins. I’d write the best tweet humanly possible. It all led nowhere.

I tried using a blogging platform called Medium. I was able to build a small following, but most people in my area of the world don’t use it. I still came up short of my goal.

Then, I tried writing on a blog that already had lots of viewers called Addicted2Success and began posting on LinkedIn daily.

Everything changed. I wanted to inspire people so badly that I kept trying until I found a platform that worked for what I had to say. Wanting it badly enough was what helped me keep going from 2014 until now. It didn’t stop there, though.

When my career took a turn down a black hole, my motivation died. Suddenly, writing on Addicted2Success and LinkedIn became hard. I didn’t want it as bad because the pain caused by my work life was too much. I let things slip temporarily for about 3 weeks. Engagement went to an all-time low.

It didn’t last long, though. Why? My thinking changed when I reminded myself how upset I would be if I didn’t achieve my goal. It meant far too much and in the back of my mind, I still wanted it badly.

I went back over all the emails from people I’d helped and that spark came back. Deep down, I still wanted it badly. I still wanted to inspire millions of people.

Wanting it bad was what helped me to revive my blogging career and continue helping millions of people.

Wanting it badly will define your career.


2. What you think is possible

I met a guy earlier in the year that came from a farm in the middle of Outback Australia.

He’d sold his digital marketing business for a lot of money and banked a huge amount of coin as a result. He had no tech background. He had no business knowledge. He didn’t have seven-figure friends that drove Bentley’s.

What he had was an uncanny ability to think anything was possible. He saw himself rising above his circumstances even though he had no evidence to prove that he could do so. He worked long hours and built up a team of cult followers. They learned together how to get businesses exposure through social media and search engines.

For many of the people on his team, it was their first job. He didn’t pay them well because he couldn’t. All he thought was that one day, together, they’d do something incredible — and they did.

A lot of what happens in your career is based on how you think. If you think you can never be a manager, entrepreneur or executive, then you won’t be.

If you think you can be good at public speaking, you might.
If you think you can hit your sales target, you might.
If you think you can start a successful business, you might.
If you’re not successful right now, you will be.

It’s only a matter of time until one of the bets in your career pays off

It’s a combination of being ready, being humble, thinking right and having the skills to execute. Not thinking you can achieve big will rob you of whatever it is that you want in your career.

I shouldn’t be a successful blogger because I can’t write that well, I have bad spelling/grammar skills, I don’t own a blog and I’m not filthy rich. Despite all that I’ve achieved my blogging goal.

I saw my goal become possible before anybody else did.

I told myself that every major challenge was necessary for me to eventually get what I wanted. I thought my goal was possible even though all the facts suggested it wasn’t. Instead of relying on data I relied on my own mind to lead me down the right path.

I chose to believe when no one else did.

This very way of thinking is not unique to me. Many of the leaders around the world that shape the human race think in the same way.

What you think is possible in your career will define what goals you can achieve.

Your thinking defines your career.
Being smart isn’t enough.

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Success Advice

How to Create Your Own Version of Success

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Success is in the eye of the beholder. And because every human being sees life and all the things that come with it through their lens of experience, everyone’s individual idea of life, growth and success is defined by what they see, hear, think, feel and taste. This means that you have the power to determine what success means to you.

Many of the greatest thought-leaders, business people and influencers throughout history have provided their thoughts and opinions about success –  how to achieve it, how to manage it and how to be it. They’ve written books that are supposed to share with the world how success is merely a feeling and a wish. While many of the most successful people have warned that success is what you make of it, society has coined “success” as being wealthy, influential, famous, and lavish.

You may be thinking, “I’m not rich, but I’m well off,” or “I’m not a social media influencer, so I don’t have much clout.” But here is the truth: You, just the way you are, are already a success. Here’s why. Think of all the things that have happened in your life – the good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful. Up until this very moment, you have made a series of choices that have shaped your reality.

Therefore, you have created the life you have, and you have set the terms of how you decide to live your life. Not to suggest that your life is perfect because no ones life is exactly as they want it, but the fact that you have created your reality shows that you are a creator. It also shows that you are in charge of creating the success you desire.

“Success is not in what you have, but who you are.” – Bo Bennett

Even if you feel like you should be so much further along than you are today, you still made it to today and that’s a good thing. If you are reading this feeling like you need to shift things around in your life so that you can feel like a success, try these three things below.

  1. Jot down all the words that you think of when you read the word “success,” and mark the words that align with who you are. Ask yourself what you believe you need to feel like a success. Only write down what resonates with you, not what you think people expect of you. Remember, that you are defining your journey, so you get to make up all the rules.
  2. Now, write down all the words you think about when you read the word “unsuccessful,” and mark all the words that may describe some aspect of you that you want to eliminate. Don’t just consider the big stuff, small stuff matters too! Procrastinating to get out of bed in the morning, drinking too much soda, or even spending too much time watching television are all examples of habits that could in some way affect your personal growth.
  3. Lastly, create an SAP (Success Attack Plan) to align yourself with more of the descriptive words that you associate with success and start to eliminate the characteristics you may possess that depict you as less than who you desire to be.

Your Success Attack Plan doesn’t have to be elaborate. It can start with an actionable idea as simple as, “Read one book this month about personal development,” or “Connect with someone who can mentor me.” Sometimes, you have to look to those who have been where you are to help you get where you desire to be. Just remember, your journey won’t look like theirs so pay attention to your inner being at all times and do what feels natural and right to your situation.

“There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way and not starting.” – Buddha

When you create your lists, be as imaginative as possible. Consider those people, places and things around you. Think about what you like and don’t like. Ponder on energy you want to attract that you do not already have and things you want to repel.

Don’t worry about setting a timeline for this. Creating a vision for your life starts with setting an intention at this moment and allowing that intention to lead you in the days to come. To see yourself five years from now, you have to do the things today that will help you get to the future.

Don’t allow others to tell you what you should aspire to be when it comes to success. You are in command, and you are in charge of your present and your future. Own it, own your success and own you.

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