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Success Advice

10 Ridiculous Beliefs That Are Killing Your Success

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You have big dreams!

But there are too many obstacles in your path, aren’t there?

You aren’t as ‘lucky‘ as those who have made it big.

Do you really believe that?

What if the only things holding you back from success are your limiting beliefs?

What if these ‘limitations‘ are only in your mind?

Our reality is defined by what we believe.

Some of these beliefs are useful, but others are simply shackles that hold us back.

Many of these beliefs are nothing short of ridiculous!

After all, haven’t thousands of people faced the same ‘problems‘, had the same ‘limitations‘, and yet attained outstanding success and built fortunes?

 

Here are 10 ridiculous beliefs that are killing your success…

 

1. “I don’t have enough time”

You are really busy aren’t you?

We all are!

Yet people like Sabeer Bhatia (founder Hotmail), Noah Kagan (founder AppSumo) and many others built startups while holding full time jobs.

Look closely – can’t you find time anywhere?

What activities in your life you can eliminate, outsource, or delegate?

Get rid of TV, movies, social networks, social outings, etc.

What’s more important – your dream or watching reruns of ‘Friends’?

 

2. “I need to wait for the perfect moment”

Someday…

Every 3 out of 10 people I meet want to become an entrepreneur…someday.

Most of the time, someday never comes!

Because there is no perfect moment. You will always face challenges.

But why are you waiting for the perfect moment?

Often, it’s because of the next belief…

 

3. “I only have one chance”

Ever heard of a company called Traf-O-Data?

I guess not. After all, it was a failure.

But everyone has heard of Microsoft!

Here’s the surprise: Traf-O-Data was actually the first company founded by Bill Gates and Paul Allen!

Numerous people have failed several times before finally attaining success.

You have multiple chances to get it right.

Never give up, even if you are like 99 years old!

 

4. “I don’t have enough money”

Of course you don’t! Who does?

Is the business idea you have in mind impossible without a large investment?

Just ask yourself “What business can I start with the limited money that I do have?

An easy way to make revenues with little investment is to offer services like consulting, website maintenance or maybe even ghost-write!

If you have a ‘dream business‘ in mind, you can start that after you have made enough money with your first venture.

Elon Musk, Paypal founder, now has a company that develops spacecraft – SpaceX. He didn’t have the money to build SpaceX 25 years ago.

That didn’t stop him!

Richard-Branson-Entrepreneur-Picture-Quote-For-Success
 

5. “I don’t have an Ivy League education”

Seriously, do you think that will stop you?

An Ivy League degree helps, but is it essential?

Richard Branson was dyslexic, Bill Gates and Steve Jobs were dropouts.

You don’t need a fancy education. You just need the right skills.

 

6. “I don’t have the right skills”

Are planning to build the next rocket to mars or develop a cure for cancer?

If not, how is this a drawback?

Most skills that you need to become a CEO or build a successful company can be learned.

Jeff Walker, one of the titans of internet marketing knew nothing about the field when he started out!

If you don’t have time to learn, team up with a co-founder or just hire people with the right skills.

 

7. “I don’t have connections”

If you don’t have them, what’s stopping you from going out there and building them?

Attend industry events, startup events, join a networking group or simply use Twitter or LinkedIn to build your network.

Is that really difficult in today’s digital world?

 

8. “I have responsibilities”

Yes, you do.

Leo Babauta, founder of Zen Habits, has six kids and he also had a full time job. That didn’t stop him from building one of the biggest blogs in the world!

Remember, ‘The Pursuit of Happyness’? It’s based on a true story. What drove Chris Gardner to succeed and make millions began with the basic need to put a roof over his son’s head.

If you have a family to take care of, isn’t that a bigger reason to work towards greater success?

 

9. “I don’t have enough experience”

Nearly every person you meet will tell you that you don’t have enough experience.

Richard Branson started his first venture when he was 16. If corporate experience was a key factor would his 400 companies exist today?

If you have a great idea and have the means to execute it, how is experience a limitation?

 

10. “I need to be perfect”

I was guilty of this myself!

I spent 6 months developing my first product, which a shamefully low number of companies bought.

Eric Ries, made a similar mistake with his first company IMVU, which inspired him to write ‘The Lean Startup’.

In this bestseller, he advises us to create a ‘minimum viable product‘ for your target customers. Develop the product further based on their feedback rather than on your assumptions.

We want things to be perfect because we are afraid of failure.

Ironically, our quest for perfection is what often causes us to fail!

 Believe that you can!

“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t – you’re right.” –Henry Ford

If you want to realize your dreams, take a good look at what you believe your limitations are. Question your beliefs and you will discover a whole new world of possibilities!

 

What other beliefs are holding you back from success?

Peter Banerjea is co-founder of SuccessIsWhat, a success coaching firm that helps people achieve their goals faster, by becoming productivity ninjas and building life changing habits. Get his latest free e-book "Productivity Secrets of 7 Billionaires You can put into Action Right Now" here.

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29 Comments

29 Comments

  1. Rohit sharma

    Oct 2, 2015 at 2:38 pm

    Amazing post peter:/
    this beliefs are bad thing which holding us back from being Happy
    and from now i will try to avoid such “limiting belief”/
    thnx bro

    • Peter Banerjea

      Oct 28, 2015 at 5:45 am

      Hey Rohit,
      Yes, its crucial to be mindful of our beliefs. Its not simple to be cognizant of them, but this post might help in identifying the most common ones. Thanks for reading!
      Peter

  2. Alberto

    Aug 3, 2015 at 4:15 pm

    In my case, it was somehow forced upon. I switched from a full-time job to freelancing due to some unacceptable situations at work, and yes, there is that awkward moment before jumping into the open waters, when all your fears come to meet you. For example, I was afraid of not being able to win enough customers for my consulting business. What happened was exactly the opposite: I couldn’t keep up with demand and had to turn down a number of projects. So the next logical step was to be more selective and to raise the rates, and now I’m thinking of hiring more people in order to tackle bigger projects – which is yet another fear that must be overcome. It’s not easy, of course. But the only regret I have is not having taken this step some years ago!

    • Peter Banerjea

      Aug 4, 2015 at 9:24 am

      Great to hear that Alberto!
      Yup – each stage has its challenges and fears and we don’t really know what’s around the corner! But anything which is worth fighting for is tough. It’s great to see that you are meeting your fears head on and pushing your limits. You are an inspiration!
      Cheers,
      Peter

  3. henry kanyike

    Jun 15, 2015 at 5:08 pm

    Thanks peter for such an inspiring article, i call those ”defence mechanisms” people give to justify their weakness, some times i find myself a culprit of giving them too, but with the help of such articles, and books. I kick that inner self conforter and move ahead.
    Thanks peter once again

    • Peter Banerjea

      Jun 16, 2015 at 12:25 pm

      Happens to all of us Henry! All of us need reminders every now and then that our ‘limitations’ are in our head. As the old saying goes, where there is a will, there is a way! Sounds cliche but its true.
      Peter

  4. Susan Suehr

    Jun 10, 2015 at 11:51 am

    Peter what a great article. I think mine is not having the right connections. I love what you said at the end there, is it that difficult in the digital world? Boy, we have really come a long way and making connections is so much easier these days.

    What I really like about your post is how easily you debunk these beliefs.

    What a great list for people to work through. I ignored your pop-up, so now I’ll have to open a new browser so I can sign up for your blog.

    Susan

    • Peter Banerjea

      Jun 11, 2015 at 12:18 pm

      Hi Susan,
      Great to see you here! Yes – having a network is a lot easier than it was 10 years back. We just need to put in some work and keep expanding our networks.
      Cheers!
      Peter

  5. Tor Refsland

    Apr 16, 2015 at 2:44 pm

    Great post, Peter.

    I like your tips, especially #10.

    Perfection is more of a curse than a blessing.

    I know, because I used to be a perfectionist.

    Then I realized that all you do don`t actually have to be perfect, it`s okay if it`s very good 😉

    My tips is to know the acceptable performance, and then give the little extra.

    Example:

    You need to deliver a report to your boss. Acceptable is level 4/10.

    This means that it will be a total overkill to spend 2 extra hours delivering a report that is level 10.

    You should give the little extra to make the report stand out.

    Give the extra 10 minutes delivering the little extra.

    The result? The report has a level 5, still above average and making you stick out from the crowd.

    Spending more time than necessary is a waste of time.

    It`s all about working smart and spending your time in the best way possible.

    Tor

    • Peter Banerjea

      Apr 17, 2015 at 1:57 am

      Well said Tor! That’s the balance that we need to learn to strike. Having seen you for the past 3 months, I think you are doing a great job of doing that.
      Cheers,
      Peter

  6. Euan

    Apr 15, 2015 at 1:51 pm

    Hey Peter,
    I really enjoyed reading this article. It astounds me that some people continue to find excuses as to why they can’t do or achieve something. I really think one of the biggest contributors is a lack of confidence. Most people are too worried about what others think about them, and lack the will to stand out from the crowd. In order to counteract this problem, I really believe the only solution is to completely disregard what anyone thinks or has to say about you.
    I’d be interested to hear what you think…
    Cheers!

    • Peter Banerjea

      Apr 18, 2015 at 9:24 am

      Hi Euan,
      You are perfectly right! Most of us are worried about what people might think. Since human beings are driven by social proof, that’s hardwired into our DNA.
      However, we need to move beyond our natural tendency to simply follow the herd!
      Yes, it’s crucial to take risks, form independent opinions and take actions on those opinions.

      Having said that, there are people that we should listen to. Listening to our mentors and customers is crucial for success.
      For example, before writing a blog post, I ask myself – what do people want to read about?

      It’s about listening to the right people at the right time.
      It’s not an easy thing to do, but people who can do it well are usually the more successful ones.

      What do you think?
      Cheers!
      Peter

  7. Peggy Nolan

    Apr 13, 2015 at 6:13 pm

    Awesome post Peter and I couldn’t agree more. Our thoughts are what limit us!

    Peggy

    • Peter Banerjea

      Apr 14, 2015 at 2:49 am

      Thanks Peggy! As someone once said, we need to ‘think different’!

  8. Heather Sanders

    Apr 13, 2015 at 3:52 pm

    Peter, these are “on point”, thank you.

    I gave up TV. Well, we don’t have TV, but I gave up shows I downloaded and watched. It was hard at first, but I committed to 30 days of it, and then, I noticed I didn’t miss them.

    Great article!

    • Peter Banerjea

      Apr 14, 2015 at 2:52 am

      Hi Heather, that’s very commendable!
      I watch very little TV. I prefer to read instead. Maybe I should try out what you did and dump it altogether!

  9. H RAVI KUMAR

    Apr 13, 2015 at 9:50 am

    What to do ? is perhaps a question in the mind of many remain unanswered
    Dream will probably answer this question. How, when, where will follow
    Success is not in waelth accumulation. It is in satisfaction you derive from your performance

  10. Pat

    Apr 12, 2015 at 8:59 am

    Really enjoyed this post Peter! In my opinion, I think all your examples in your post shows all the excuses many of us give, including myself, to make ourselves feel better when we don’t succeed. It’s always easier to blame something else rather than taking personal responsibility for our own success. I was waiting for that perfect moment to leave a comment but in success the perfect moment is always.

    • Peter Banerjea

      Apr 13, 2015 at 6:05 am

      Hey Pat, thanks for your thoughts!
      Yes, its easy to blame our circumstances and our limited resources for our shortcomings, but there are thousands of examples of people who have had far less and done so much more. Once we realize that, an entirely new world of opportunities opens up!
      Peter

  11. abhijit

    Apr 12, 2015 at 1:41 am

    Such a great post..
    Everyone face those problems, examples &
    solutions are also awsome!

    • Peter Banerjea

      Apr 13, 2015 at 6:06 am

      Hi Abhijit,
      Glad you liked the examples!
      Cheers,
      Peter

  12. Wayne Caswell

    Apr 11, 2015 at 2:08 pm

    Ridiculous Belief #11 — Sleeping Less leaves more time to get stuff done. This is a very dangerous myth, because sleeping less can actually make your wakeful hours far less productive. It also affects your health and safety (e.g. drowsy driving) and can result in early death. Our bodies have evolved over millions of years to synchronize with the day-night cycle, but artificial lights and personal electronics have disrupted this, and our DNA has not caught up

    • Peter Banerjea

      Apr 13, 2015 at 6:03 am

      Hi Wayne,
      Thanks for adding this! Yes – this is really one of the most common misconceptions I have come across.
      I was guilty of sleeping less than 6 hours when I first started working. No wonder my productivity used to be far less than ideal during those days. Now, this is one of the most important things that I recommend to my clients – get a good nights sleep and see the difference yourself!
      Peter

  13. Anthony Metivier

    Apr 11, 2015 at 11:25 am

    Great post, Peter.

    In a world where so many successful entrepreneurs barely got through high school, education hasn’t got much of a competitive edge. 🙂

    • Peter Banerjea

      Apr 11, 2015 at 12:24 pm

      Great point Anthony! Now that I look back, I wonder how useful my MBA really is!

  14. Linda

    Apr 11, 2015 at 10:30 am

    Great post Peter! I really like all the examples you have given about Richard Branson, Elon Musk, Bill Gates and even Traf o data. If we examine carefully, the only thing holding us back are our own beliefs.

    • Peter Banerjea

      Apr 11, 2015 at 1:28 pm

      Thanks Linda! Yes – our beliefs determine what actions we take and consequently what we achieve.
      BTW – the traf o data bit is an interesting fact. I got to know about it quite recently.

      • Stephanie Taylor

        Aug 22, 2015 at 3:19 am

        I totally believe in this! Except for #1 – sometimes you have to let your brain rest with mindless TV or whatever…Many people get overwhelmed, and not taking time out for #1, or getting enough sleep can be success killers. Some of our greatest leaders in business have mental disorders, ADHD, ADD, or whatever. You must take care of yourself first and foremost or nothing else can be accomplished completely.
        Otherwise, a great read! Thanks!

        • Peter Banerjea

          Oct 28, 2015 at 5:43 am

          Hi Stephanie,
          Completely agree that it’s important to get enough sleep and have ‘me time’ too! The point I am trying to make is that everyone has time. If someone really has a dream, he/she has to make sacrifices and find time.
          Thanks for reading!
          Cheers! Peter

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Success Advice

10 Confronting Reasons Why People Don’t Reach Their Goals

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What is the incentive for attaining your full potential and realizing your goals? Why do some people seem to achieve more than others despite having the same time and resources availed to them? The devil is in the details, and this is especially true when it comes to accomplishing your goals or not.

If you’ve ever felt like you’re stuck in the same spot for weeks, months or years now and are not accomplishing much; it might be time for you to assess yourself with the following ten truths.

1. You Lack Self-Confidence

One of the biggest reasons why people fail is because they don’t believe in themselves. Belief is actually a trained function, therefore the deeper you condemn yourself to the rut of self-doubt, the harder it is to come out of it. Our past has a lot to do with how we view our own abilities.

Maybe you just landed a new job or transferred to a new school and are now meeting new people who seem much smarter or more accomplished than yourself. It is often said that battles are won long before they are ever fought, and a lack of self-confidence will cause a reverse effect in accomplishing your goals. Don’t doubt yourself and miss a crucial opportunity in the process.

2. You Always Make the Same Mistakes

This is simply about accountability. If, say you were fired from your dream job because of always showing up late and happened to land another job where soon after you began you made the same mistake, you just dig your own grave. The thorough self-assessment is a crucial part of achieving your goals. You won’t get to the gym and achieve success if you are always oversleeping, or overeating. The same applies to any other dream that you may possess, so work hard and do anything that is possible.

3. You’re Averse to Taking Risks

Risk taking isn’t just limited to those who are looking to go into business or for savvy entrepreneurs. It directly applies to every aspect of our daily lives. How many of us keep that 9 to 5 job that we hate only because we are afraid of taking a plunge and following our passions?

There are a million reasons why you shouldn’t take that risk, after all, bills have to be paid, and there’s a 401k to contribute to, right? But there’s one greater reason why you should take that risk: your dreams lie in wait. Start that business, go on that trip or try out that relationship. You never know what tomorrow might bring, so do not hesitate and take risks.

“Most people fail in life not because they aim too high and miss, but because they aim too low and hit.” – Les Brown

4. Unwilling to Let Go of Productivity Killers

One of the ridiculous reasons (but true) why people can’t have what they want is the fact that they can’t let go of habits that take up valuable time. Facebook posts, Insta selfies and a whole lot of Netflix-&-Chill might make the whole day down the drain. A global study conducted by B2X also reports that Millennials are spending more than 25% of their day on smartphones, thoroughly diminishing their productivity and bearing a hindrance on them achieving their goals. So, put aside all of the unneeded and pointless activities – it takes too much time!

5. It’s Just Not as Easy as You Thought

Starting is the most important part, but constantly grinding and working on it is even more important to become successful. We often see the glitz on media with stories of overnight successes and folks who hit the jackpot with their ideas. What we don’t see is the pain, sweat, tears and rejection that took up the biggest chunk of the grind.

If it were that easy, it would be worthless. Along the way, you are bound to feel tired, uninspired, depressed, on the verge of giving up even. However, try to find ways of keeping motivated by learning a new skill, meditating, reading etc. Failure is a critical part of succeeding, and you have to embrace it and learn from it.

6. You’re Not Surrounded with Ambitious People

The people around us have a huge impact on how we utilize our time, how we think and the kind of goals we set for ourselves. Tom Mendoza, a brand contributor on Forbes, tackles this subject well by talking about the key qualities of the company he keeps and how it helps him grow. That old musing about being the average of the 5 people we spend the most time with couldn’t be truer.

7. Folks Who Don’t Reach Their Goals Because They Failed Before

This is probably the biggest reason why people don’t accomplish their goals. According to Fundera, about 20% of businesses fail in the first year. Does this mean the other 80% don’t face the same obstacles or they have a magic formula for victory? No, it just means that they managed to get themselves together and try again. The reason people can’t have everything they want is because they want everything `here and now`, but they don’t realize that failure is imminent and is the only sure road to the victory.

8. You Lack Vision and Never Take Action

Biagio Sciacca tackles the subject of a visionary mindset quite well in his blog article on how the boundaries of manifestation are limited by our own perception. He emphasizes with a personal story how everything that we see and interact with starts with a single idea in mind. A vision is not just a vague wish or some random fairy-tale hope, it is the fuel that drives your passion and every meticulous piece of work that you put in. Goal setting provides the big picture perspective on what and why you are doing something.

“Most people fail, not because of lack of desire, but because of lack of commitment.” – Vince Lombardi

9. Thinking They Lack Enough Time to Achieve Their Goals

A good number of folks don’t believe they can accomplish their dreams with the time they have left. If you’ve watched “The First Grader” you’ll get all the motivation you need. The story of an 84-year-old who goes back to school to attain a life-long desire to be learned is enough to make you think twice about giving up on your own ambitions. So it is never too late to do something you like, give yourself a try.

10. You Will Succeed Only If You Do It This Way

Living by others’ limitations and the boundaries they set for you is one sure way to box yourself in from your goals. You’ll only get more tired, frustrated and demotivated in the long run. People impose their limitations on you because they don’t want you to succeed or because they have fears about their own abilities and personal failures to deal with. Achieving your goals means silencing those critical voices and having faith in your own way of doing it. Your biggest motivation should be to do it for the people who want to see you fail.

In most of the cases, people shield themselves from success. So, don’t let anything hold you back from any goal you’ve ever set for yourself and always try your best.

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Success Advice

Stop Replying To Everyone.

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Many of you are running around like mad trying to manage your time. You’re reading productivity hacks, taking cold showers and waking up at 5 am.

You’re doing all of this because you want more time to do what you love.

Let me hit you in the face with one technique that has allowed me to win back time, so I can do what I love.

Stop replying to everyone…

You get emails asking you to do stuff.
You get asked to do an intro.
You get asked to speak at an event for free about your area of expertise.

Here’s the problem:
YOU KEEP RESPONDING TO EVERY REQUEST OF YOUR TIME.


What’s the answer?

The answer is really simple like everything I write. Are you ready?
Stop replying to everyone.

I learned this technique the hard way. When I was looking to interview entrepreneurs in 2014 about their story and share it in the form of a blog post, I didn’t get many replies.

I’d email very successful people who have achieved the impossible and get nothing.

Radio silence.
Donuts.


Why don’t your idols respond to requests for their time?

There’s many reasons.

  1. They have too many requests and could never humanly answer every single one.
  2. They have limited time and can’t fit everybody into their schedule.

The second reason is the most important. Your idols don’t respond because that’s their way of saying no.


No response is the best response.

By responding to every request of your time, you go down the rabbit hole of endless back and forth conversations.

Let me illustrate this point with a short story.

A US startup approached me on LinkedIn and asked me to advise them on their social media strategy. They offered me equity in return for my expertise.

The product was not something that aligned with who I am, and I was heading off to Europe on holidays and had no time to draft a proper reply.

I sent no response to their request.
They messaged me a second time.
I sent no response to their request.

Then, I got sucked into responding. I felt my moral compass telling me to reply and tell them no. On top of that, the startup had a very well known person in the social media industry join them. FOMO kicked in.

I replied and that’s where everything went wrong.

Once I replied to the request I got daily reminders and emails with pitch decks trying to convince me why they were the one startup who could beat Instagram. The claims of how much traction they had got more and more ridiculous.

“Eventually, a simple request of my time turned into a daily debate”

They wouldn’t leave me alone. I began to regret my stupidity for responding in the first place.

If a request of your time doesn’t resonate with you, and you don’t feel like saying “Fuck Yes” when presented with an opportunity, say NO.

Don’t be tempted by a request of your time. 
Say no.


Not replying is what works.

People generally give up after one email or direct message asking for your time. I’ve tested this theory a lot and it has almost always turned out to be true.

As soon as you reply, you become like a lawyer in the High Court trying to defend someone who is accused of murder. Your time is yours. You only get one life.

“You don’t need to justify yourself, your time, or your goals to anybody”

YOU HEAR ME? NOBODY!

The way you win back time and make room for what’s important to you is to fight the temptation to reply to every request that comes your way.

Quit giving away your time like free balloons at a car expo.


You end up making up lies.

The problem with replying to every request of your time is you can end up making up lies to get out of doing something. Or you may end up exaggerating or putting forward excuses that aren’t entirely true.

This causes even more problems for you because if the requester knows people within your network, they may find out you’re not being honest.

Why construct a grand plan that takes more of your time to respond to a request?

It’s easier to say nothing at all.


Silence says it all.

Smart people who ask you for stuff will know that after a week, if you haven’t responded, you’re probably not interested.

Silence is the best response. After all, if someone really wants you to do something they’ll chase you, they’ll follow you up and they may get a mutual connection to intro them to you.

Many pitches and requests are poorly written or incredibly selfish.

Fight back with silence. Don’t reply. Stop replying.


You’re not missing anything.

The temptation to respond can also be caused by the fear that you’re missing out.

Maybe someone is contacting you to fund your idea.
Maybe something you wrote is going to be published in the New York Times.
Maybe the request will lead you to direct a Hollywood Movie.

All of these false ideas are what’s causing you to respond to everybody.You’re worried you could miss the jackpot or your lucky break.

The harsh truth is that these opportunities are earned through hard work.Genuine opportunities that will excite you are clearly articulated and your gut feeling will guide you better than you think.

You’re not going to miss out on winning an Oscar for a movie you made because you didn’t reply to an email”


Not replying isn’t rude.

We feel we must reply to every request of our time. We have a fear that we will be accused of being rude.

This belief is false also. There’s nothing rude about not replying. We all get lots of emails and messages online and we can’t answer them all. People will understand when you don’t reply. If they don’t understand then that’s a problem with them, not you.

Don’t feel you have to reply out of politeness.

<<<>>>

If you want to increase your productivity and learn some more valuable life hacks, then join my private mailing list on timdenning.net

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Success Advice

Practice These 4 No’s for Greater Success

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In much of the success literature and in the applied motivational literature that is developed today, the explicit suggestions contained within are to practice certain behaviors for a certain outcome. So, you may see information with titles such as, “Do these four things for greater happiness”, or, “Perform the seven steps every morning for more focus”.

Not only am I a large proponent of these quick and distilled attributes of behavior change to bring about greater levels of whatever the outcome should be, I am also an author of a great many of them. The notion of cause and effect is explicit in applied motivation. If you want to change and affect then do not work on the effect directly, work on the cause that will invariably change the outcome.

So many of us try to psychologically bully our conscious mind into various effects, when all we really need to do is understand the causes. Thoughts drive behavior. If you change the thought the behavior must change. But can you increase your level of overall well-being by NOT doing certain things? And I know the answer is yes. It all begins with a shift in our perception and the thought process.

“If you realized how powerful your thoughts are, you would never think a negative thought.” – Peace Pilgrim

Here are four NO’s that you may want to stop practicing. And by virtue of not doing these things you will have more mental room, and idea space between your positive notions for greater levels of contentment and well-being.

1. There are no justified discontentment’s

If the laws of cause and effect, and the law of attraction hold true, then we are where we are right now by virtue of our past behaviors, which are a direct result of our past beginning. So don’t be mad over your current situation, you created it! If you want to be happy, change it! But don’t just sit there and bask in your discontentment; bring about the necessary changes that you require.

In the words of James Ray, “a person of power embraces challenges and complete gratitude. No matter the situation life may bring, discontent is never justified, but rather all is experienced as an opportunity and privilege to adventure and grow.”

2. There are no justified excuses

The present is a doorway that balances past events with future circumstances. When we begin to fully grasp the idea that there is no dress rehearsal, we are on Broadway; that there is no scrimmage, today we are in the Super Bowl, we begin to realize that our life is a series of micro adjustments and that we are in total and complete control over them. Instead of wasting time making excuses for poor decisions, spend that time in fine-tuning future decisions to make up for those poor decisions of the past.

3. There are no justified complaints

We complain about a situation for one of two reasons. One, to elicit pity from another and, two, to transfer the issue we are complaining about to somebody else. Either behavior is destructive to the current personal relationship and will only serve to undermine future transactions with that individual.

Be a person of higher self-esteem; handle your issues in silence then speak to another individual about your successful outcomes. By doing so, you have altered your focus on a positive outcome instead of our negative conditions. By the way, there is always a successful outcome! If you can find it, look deeper, it’s there!

“Champions never complain, they are too busy getting better.” – John Wooden

4. There are no justified resentments

None, zip, zilch, zero! That person that borrowed $500 off you and never paid you back, forgive them. That significant other that dropped you like a hot coal just when you needed them the most, forgive them. That business partner that screwed you to the wall and caused you to lose a vast amount of money, forgive them. Remember, forgiveness is not about them, it’s about you. By letting go of the resentments that you have toward other people you open yourself up to the endless possibilities of bountiful manifestations that can occur because of your positive attitude and constructive optimism.

Think of these four big No’s! Number them, with number one being the one which you practice and think about the most. Then answer the following questions:

  • What can I do to alter this behavior and/or thought process?
  • What situations do I encounter and lead me in this behavior and/or thought process?
  • Can I avoid those situations?
  • If so, am I willing to avoid those situations?

Then do that with the second the third and the fourth big No’s. What will happen after enough time is that you will no longer be looking for situations to offend you, rather you will begin to open up to the possibilities of what the world and the universe have to offer you in a positive, enthusiastic, and engaging light.

I look forward to your comments, opinions, and suggestions. Please feel free to write them below.

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Success Advice

9 Ways To Build Unbreakable Confidence From The Outside In

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Build Self Confidence

There are a million different resources and pieces of advice out there from “experts” on how to build confidence, particularly self-confidence.

A vulnerable and anxious population consumes this guidance like they are starving for it… probably because they are. The dream of being able to overcome all fear and self-imposed limits by simply reading some advice is a very tempting dish indeed.

After lifetimes of being subject to images and ideals that they cannot possibly live up to, people start to feel like they are “less than.” This fear of being a substandard human being drives some of us to seek guidance, bringing us into contact with the murky, over-crowded world of self-help products and services.

Look, some of the stuff out there is good – I know, I’ve tried most of it. However, some of it is very misguided and even delusional.

People who lack self-confidence themselves can take a class on basic theoretical knowledge of psychological research, and use it to excrete volumes of garbage about how to build self-esteem and confidence. They then charge copious amounts of money for this drivel, which usually makes you feel great temporarily but does absolutely nothing to change your long term situation.

I’m not going to pretend I know it all, yet what I do have to offer is that I have completed the full journey, from shy, “nice,” and trying to please everyone, all the way through to where I am now.

You may ask, where is that, and what does being confident mean to me? It means that these things now occur in my life where they didn’t before:

  • I regularly seek out opportunities to push boundaries and expand my comfort zone, running towards fear rather than away from it
  • I can go into a situation full of anxiety and quickly push through that to enable me to feel competent and at ease
  • I feel comfortable being honest in all situations. Rather than hide my views, I express them calmly and diplomatically where required, but also without compromise
  • I place my needs above everything else. I am selfish about developing my life and inner-self, because I know that ultimately the people in my life will benefit from me being a better person
  • Most importantly from my point of view, I can’t remember the last time I felt jealousy or envy, and it’s been many, many years since I entertained the idea of wanting to be anyone else

So how did I get to this from being a “nice” guy that did all I could to avoid confrontation and anxiety-provoking situations? Well, it wasn’t easy! I have taken some time to break down the steps I took to achieve this in order to help others out there who are similar to me and serious about developing true, unbreakable inner confidence.

See the secret is really no secret at all – it’s about constantly taking action in a way that pushes your comfort zone further out until you learn how to make any situation feel like it’s in your comfort zone.

Below are 9 ways to build unbreakable confidence from the outside in:

1. Identifying your ultimate dream lifestyle

Something that is a real confidence drainer is not knowing where you’re going in life. The great thing is you don’t even need to be sure about it; you just need to have a direction to travel in.

Try taking 30 minutes to write down a descriptive paragraph or two about what your life would look like if you could wave a magic wand and choose anything. I’ve found with my clients that answering these three questions in detail is a great structure to use:

1What will you have / what will you be doing?

2) How would other people describe you?

3) What will you think about yourself?

Writing down the detailed answers to these questions, using emotional and descriptive language. Once you’ve done this, make sure you re-read it regularly (at least twice per week) to remind yourself constantly about why it is you are getting out of bed.

This will increase your sense of purpose in life, a reason to live in a way, which will increase your confidence. Of course, to actually achieve this dream lifestyle, there are further steps you need to take… (read on).

2. Writing down goals and striving to achieve them

I remember reading about a study at Oxford University: researchers asked all students in a class who had written down their goals. I can’t remember the exact details but about 3% of them did this.

When the researchers revisited the students again 20 years later, the small group who had written down goals were earning a combined income that was greater than the combined income of all 97% of their classmates.

There are plenty of free resources out there on how to write goals (including The Inspirational Lifestyle). The general key I recommend is that rather than write outcome based goals (e.g. “I will get a promotion”) try writing action-based goals that are under your control (e.g. “I will take a management course and then apply for a promotion”).

By making sure the goals are under your control, your confidence is not subject to luck. Remove luck by making sure that nothing and no-one can affect the achievement of your goal except for you.

3. Reading popular self-development books by successful business people

While there are far too many refuse-bin-worthy self-development books out there, your safest bet is to read the memoirs and how-to books which are written by people who have actually achieved something.

It really is simple; if someone like Richard Branson is a billionaire, he’s probably a pretty reliable source of information on how to make money. It’s much better to listen to him than someone fresh from completing an MBA and spilling a bunch of inexperienced theory-based conjecture.

4Learning how to manage your state of mind

Most of the time the reason you feel anxious or nervous about a situation you’re about to go into, such as public speaking, is because you’re in the wrong frame of mind.

Imagine this: you’ve been studying accounting for three straights hours without interruption, when all of a sudden you’re dragged to a party. Straight away you feel anxiety even though going to a party is not an unusual situation for you. So what’s the problem?

Your brain was set into the “studying” state, which is secluded, quiet, and antisocial. You are then thrown into a situation which requires you to be extroverted, talkative and social. This is a really uncomfortable imbalance for your brain to handle. The solution? Taking baby steps.

When you realize you are feeling anxiety about an upcoming situation and you suspect that it is because of being in the wrong state, try to figure out some in-between steps you can take.

Using our example above, rather than going straight to the party, you could have a chat on the phone with some close friends, followed by pre-drinks at your house with just a few people. This way by the time you get to the party your state has gone from withdrawn to outgoing in easy to manage steps.

confidence picture quote

5Understanding the balance between learning, mentoring and action

One of the most common barriers to success is too much thinking and not enough doing. It’s the doing that builds confidence, not the learning.

As a general rule, for every hour you spend reading or watching videos (passive learning), you will benefit most by complementing this with two hours of mentoring or coaching, and seven hours practicing or otherwise taking action. It’s the 10/20/70 rule.

This is why I’ve titled this article “9 ways to build confidence from the outside in,” because building confidence goes far beyond just reading inspirational or educational books. It’s about taking action so you will start seeing results and positive changes.

6. Approaching strangers

This is one of the scariest things for people to do – very few can do it sober without a background in cold-calling or sales of some kind. Doing this is a really powerful way to build confidence, particularly if you’re single and approaching strangers with the intention of potential romance.

If you can get yourself to do this sober and during the day, it makes everything else seem a lot less scary. You can learn to love rejection as the learning and feedback experience it really is.

7. Trying new things regularly

Having a routine can kill your creativity and make your life boring. It’s important to seek new adventures, and always try new things regularly because it can boost your confidence through the following two ways.

1) By learning a range of skills and having varied experiences, you start building up transferable abilities. Over time less situations will seem totally unknown because you will have done something similar before.

For example, I found I really enjoyed salsa dancing despite never having danced before, because it combined my previous experiences of playing in a band and doing martial arts.

2) You will eventually find those things that bring you the most pleasure and satisfaction (in a non-creepy way of course).

Confidence is often also described as “conscious competence,” which basically means that if you are doing something that you are skilled at, and you know that you are skilled, you feel confident.

8. Surrounding yourself with successful people

Successful people always say “how can we do this?” whereas unsuccessful people generally say “why should we do this?

What kind of people do you spend the most time with? Until you develop a strong inner core of confidence that others cannot touch, you need to surround yourself with “can do” people in order to feed on their confidence.

People showing you that anything is possible, and that they believe you are capable of anything will go a long way towards helping you believe this yourself.

9. Making a conscious effort to stop caring about other’s opinions of you

Finally, the biggest lesson I ever really learned about developing true all-round confidence is that the only person I should compare myself to is… myself. There is nothing to be gained in comparing myself to others or trying to live to others expectations.

Confidence comes from setting your own expectations of yourself and then trying your best to live up to them. I am not saying that you shouldn’t compete with others, because that’s a great motivator too, but your results and progress should only be measured against your past self.

Well that’s it. There’s a million other things you can do, but I am sure that if you start with this list and TAKE ACTION rather than just read this and do nothing, then you will start to see big changes in how you feel about yourself.

Which one of the above 9 ways to build unbreakable confidence resonated most with you and why?

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Quotes

The Top 70 Buddha Quotes

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Image Credit | Tricycle Magazine

Buddhism has been around for over 2,500 years and is a way of life that about 300 million people around the world follow.

At the age of 35, Gautama left the palace walls where he had grown up and ventured into the real world to walk his own spiritual path. Sitting under a Bodhi tree until he became enlightened, ‘Buddha’ attracted a following and dedicated the rest of his life teaching the path of enlightenment and awakening to them.

Buddhism is a very calm, peaceful and fair way of life and these Buddha quotes encompass the philosophy of Buddha’s teachings.

Here are 70 of The Best and Highly Shared Buddha Quotes to enlighten your mind and soul.

(more…)

Charlene Barry is the fun loving founder of This Is Project Me, a wellness, spiritual and inspirational channel on YouTube that inspires others to live the life of their dreams with passion, love and joy. Charlene believes in serendipity, wellness and spirituality and is an Ayurvedic and Lifestyle coach; helping people live their ideal life through Ayurvedic medicine, Meditation, Yoga and Balance.

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29 Comments

29 Comments

  1. Rohit sharma

    Oct 2, 2015 at 2:38 pm

    Amazing post peter:/
    this beliefs are bad thing which holding us back from being Happy
    and from now i will try to avoid such “limiting belief”/
    thnx bro

    • Peter Banerjea

      Oct 28, 2015 at 5:45 am

      Hey Rohit,
      Yes, its crucial to be mindful of our beliefs. Its not simple to be cognizant of them, but this post might help in identifying the most common ones. Thanks for reading!
      Peter

  2. Alberto

    Aug 3, 2015 at 4:15 pm

    In my case, it was somehow forced upon. I switched from a full-time job to freelancing due to some unacceptable situations at work, and yes, there is that awkward moment before jumping into the open waters, when all your fears come to meet you. For example, I was afraid of not being able to win enough customers for my consulting business. What happened was exactly the opposite: I couldn’t keep up with demand and had to turn down a number of projects. So the next logical step was to be more selective and to raise the rates, and now I’m thinking of hiring more people in order to tackle bigger projects – which is yet another fear that must be overcome. It’s not easy, of course. But the only regret I have is not having taken this step some years ago!

    • Peter Banerjea

      Aug 4, 2015 at 9:24 am

      Great to hear that Alberto!
      Yup – each stage has its challenges and fears and we don’t really know what’s around the corner! But anything which is worth fighting for is tough. It’s great to see that you are meeting your fears head on and pushing your limits. You are an inspiration!
      Cheers,
      Peter

  3. henry kanyike

    Jun 15, 2015 at 5:08 pm

    Thanks peter for such an inspiring article, i call those ”defence mechanisms” people give to justify their weakness, some times i find myself a culprit of giving them too, but with the help of such articles, and books. I kick that inner self conforter and move ahead.
    Thanks peter once again

    • Peter Banerjea

      Jun 16, 2015 at 12:25 pm

      Happens to all of us Henry! All of us need reminders every now and then that our ‘limitations’ are in our head. As the old saying goes, where there is a will, there is a way! Sounds cliche but its true.
      Peter

  4. Susan Suehr

    Jun 10, 2015 at 11:51 am

    Peter what a great article. I think mine is not having the right connections. I love what you said at the end there, is it that difficult in the digital world? Boy, we have really come a long way and making connections is so much easier these days.

    What I really like about your post is how easily you debunk these beliefs.

    What a great list for people to work through. I ignored your pop-up, so now I’ll have to open a new browser so I can sign up for your blog.

    Susan

    • Peter Banerjea

      Jun 11, 2015 at 12:18 pm

      Hi Susan,
      Great to see you here! Yes – having a network is a lot easier than it was 10 years back. We just need to put in some work and keep expanding our networks.
      Cheers!
      Peter

  5. Tor Refsland

    Apr 16, 2015 at 2:44 pm

    Great post, Peter.

    I like your tips, especially #10.

    Perfection is more of a curse than a blessing.

    I know, because I used to be a perfectionist.

    Then I realized that all you do don`t actually have to be perfect, it`s okay if it`s very good 😉

    My tips is to know the acceptable performance, and then give the little extra.

    Example:

    You need to deliver a report to your boss. Acceptable is level 4/10.

    This means that it will be a total overkill to spend 2 extra hours delivering a report that is level 10.

    You should give the little extra to make the report stand out.

    Give the extra 10 minutes delivering the little extra.

    The result? The report has a level 5, still above average and making you stick out from the crowd.

    Spending more time than necessary is a waste of time.

    It`s all about working smart and spending your time in the best way possible.

    Tor

    • Peter Banerjea

      Apr 17, 2015 at 1:57 am

      Well said Tor! That’s the balance that we need to learn to strike. Having seen you for the past 3 months, I think you are doing a great job of doing that.
      Cheers,
      Peter

  6. Euan

    Apr 15, 2015 at 1:51 pm

    Hey Peter,
    I really enjoyed reading this article. It astounds me that some people continue to find excuses as to why they can’t do or achieve something. I really think one of the biggest contributors is a lack of confidence. Most people are too worried about what others think about them, and lack the will to stand out from the crowd. In order to counteract this problem, I really believe the only solution is to completely disregard what anyone thinks or has to say about you.
    I’d be interested to hear what you think…
    Cheers!

    • Peter Banerjea

      Apr 18, 2015 at 9:24 am

      Hi Euan,
      You are perfectly right! Most of us are worried about what people might think. Since human beings are driven by social proof, that’s hardwired into our DNA.
      However, we need to move beyond our natural tendency to simply follow the herd!
      Yes, it’s crucial to take risks, form independent opinions and take actions on those opinions.

      Having said that, there are people that we should listen to. Listening to our mentors and customers is crucial for success.
      For example, before writing a blog post, I ask myself – what do people want to read about?

      It’s about listening to the right people at the right time.
      It’s not an easy thing to do, but people who can do it well are usually the more successful ones.

      What do you think?
      Cheers!
      Peter

  7. Peggy Nolan

    Apr 13, 2015 at 6:13 pm

    Awesome post Peter and I couldn’t agree more. Our thoughts are what limit us!

    Peggy

    • Peter Banerjea

      Apr 14, 2015 at 2:49 am

      Thanks Peggy! As someone once said, we need to ‘think different’!

  8. Heather Sanders

    Apr 13, 2015 at 3:52 pm

    Peter, these are “on point”, thank you.

    I gave up TV. Well, we don’t have TV, but I gave up shows I downloaded and watched. It was hard at first, but I committed to 30 days of it, and then, I noticed I didn’t miss them.

    Great article!

    • Peter Banerjea

      Apr 14, 2015 at 2:52 am

      Hi Heather, that’s very commendable!
      I watch very little TV. I prefer to read instead. Maybe I should try out what you did and dump it altogether!

  9. H RAVI KUMAR

    Apr 13, 2015 at 9:50 am

    What to do ? is perhaps a question in the mind of many remain unanswered
    Dream will probably answer this question. How, when, where will follow
    Success is not in waelth accumulation. It is in satisfaction you derive from your performance

  10. Pat

    Apr 12, 2015 at 8:59 am

    Really enjoyed this post Peter! In my opinion, I think all your examples in your post shows all the excuses many of us give, including myself, to make ourselves feel better when we don’t succeed. It’s always easier to blame something else rather than taking personal responsibility for our own success. I was waiting for that perfect moment to leave a comment but in success the perfect moment is always.

    • Peter Banerjea

      Apr 13, 2015 at 6:05 am

      Hey Pat, thanks for your thoughts!
      Yes, its easy to blame our circumstances and our limited resources for our shortcomings, but there are thousands of examples of people who have had far less and done so much more. Once we realize that, an entirely new world of opportunities opens up!
      Peter

  11. abhijit

    Apr 12, 2015 at 1:41 am

    Such a great post..
    Everyone face those problems, examples &
    solutions are also awsome!

    • Peter Banerjea

      Apr 13, 2015 at 6:06 am

      Hi Abhijit,
      Glad you liked the examples!
      Cheers,
      Peter

  12. Wayne Caswell

    Apr 11, 2015 at 2:08 pm

    Ridiculous Belief #11 — Sleeping Less leaves more time to get stuff done. This is a very dangerous myth, because sleeping less can actually make your wakeful hours far less productive. It also affects your health and safety (e.g. drowsy driving) and can result in early death. Our bodies have evolved over millions of years to synchronize with the day-night cycle, but artificial lights and personal electronics have disrupted this, and our DNA has not caught up

    • Peter Banerjea

      Apr 13, 2015 at 6:03 am

      Hi Wayne,
      Thanks for adding this! Yes – this is really one of the most common misconceptions I have come across.
      I was guilty of sleeping less than 6 hours when I first started working. No wonder my productivity used to be far less than ideal during those days. Now, this is one of the most important things that I recommend to my clients – get a good nights sleep and see the difference yourself!
      Peter

  13. Anthony Metivier

    Apr 11, 2015 at 11:25 am

    Great post, Peter.

    In a world where so many successful entrepreneurs barely got through high school, education hasn’t got much of a competitive edge. 🙂

    • Peter Banerjea

      Apr 11, 2015 at 12:24 pm

      Great point Anthony! Now that I look back, I wonder how useful my MBA really is!

  14. Linda

    Apr 11, 2015 at 10:30 am

    Great post Peter! I really like all the examples you have given about Richard Branson, Elon Musk, Bill Gates and even Traf o data. If we examine carefully, the only thing holding us back are our own beliefs.

    • Peter Banerjea

      Apr 11, 2015 at 1:28 pm

      Thanks Linda! Yes – our beliefs determine what actions we take and consequently what we achieve.
      BTW – the traf o data bit is an interesting fact. I got to know about it quite recently.

      • Stephanie Taylor

        Aug 22, 2015 at 3:19 am

        I totally believe in this! Except for #1 – sometimes you have to let your brain rest with mindless TV or whatever…Many people get overwhelmed, and not taking time out for #1, or getting enough sleep can be success killers. Some of our greatest leaders in business have mental disorders, ADHD, ADD, or whatever. You must take care of yourself first and foremost or nothing else can be accomplished completely.
        Otherwise, a great read! Thanks!

        • Peter Banerjea

          Oct 28, 2015 at 5:43 am

          Hi Stephanie,
          Completely agree that it’s important to get enough sleep and have ‘me time’ too! The point I am trying to make is that everyone has time. If someone really has a dream, he/she has to make sacrifices and find time.
          Thanks for reading!
          Cheers! Peter

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Success Advice

10 Confronting Reasons Why People Don’t Reach Their Goals

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failing to reach your goals
Image Credit: Unsplash

What is the incentive for attaining your full potential and realizing your goals? Why do some people seem to achieve more than others despite having the same time and resources availed to them? The devil is in the details, and this is especially true when it comes to accomplishing your goals or not.

If you’ve ever felt like you’re stuck in the same spot for weeks, months or years now and are not accomplishing much; it might be time for you to assess yourself with the following ten truths.

1. You Lack Self-Confidence

One of the biggest reasons why people fail is because they don’t believe in themselves. Belief is actually a trained function, therefore the deeper you condemn yourself to the rut of self-doubt, the harder it is to come out of it. Our past has a lot to do with how we view our own abilities.

Maybe you just landed a new job or transferred to a new school and are now meeting new people who seem much smarter or more accomplished than yourself. It is often said that battles are won long before they are ever fought, and a lack of self-confidence will cause a reverse effect in accomplishing your goals. Don’t doubt yourself and miss a crucial opportunity in the process.

2. You Always Make the Same Mistakes

This is simply about accountability. If, say you were fired from your dream job because of always showing up late and happened to land another job where soon after you began you made the same mistake, you just dig your own grave. The thorough self-assessment is a crucial part of achieving your goals. You won’t get to the gym and achieve success if you are always oversleeping, or overeating. The same applies to any other dream that you may possess, so work hard and do anything that is possible.

3. You’re Averse to Taking Risks

Risk taking isn’t just limited to those who are looking to go into business or for savvy entrepreneurs. It directly applies to every aspect of our daily lives. How many of us keep that 9 to 5 job that we hate only because we are afraid of taking a plunge and following our passions?

There are a million reasons why you shouldn’t take that risk, after all, bills have to be paid, and there’s a 401k to contribute to, right? But there’s one greater reason why you should take that risk: your dreams lie in wait. Start that business, go on that trip or try out that relationship. You never know what tomorrow might bring, so do not hesitate and take risks.

“Most people fail in life not because they aim too high and miss, but because they aim too low and hit.” – Les Brown

4. Unwilling to Let Go of Productivity Killers

One of the ridiculous reasons (but true) why people can’t have what they want is the fact that they can’t let go of habits that take up valuable time. Facebook posts, Insta selfies and a whole lot of Netflix-&-Chill might make the whole day down the drain. A global study conducted by B2X also reports that Millennials are spending more than 25% of their day on smartphones, thoroughly diminishing their productivity and bearing a hindrance on them achieving their goals. So, put aside all of the unneeded and pointless activities – it takes too much time!

5. It’s Just Not as Easy as You Thought

Starting is the most important part, but constantly grinding and working on it is even more important to become successful. We often see the glitz on media with stories of overnight successes and folks who hit the jackpot with their ideas. What we don’t see is the pain, sweat, tears and rejection that took up the biggest chunk of the grind.

If it were that easy, it would be worthless. Along the way, you are bound to feel tired, uninspired, depressed, on the verge of giving up even. However, try to find ways of keeping motivated by learning a new skill, meditating, reading etc. Failure is a critical part of succeeding, and you have to embrace it and learn from it.

6. You’re Not Surrounded with Ambitious People

The people around us have a huge impact on how we utilize our time, how we think and the kind of goals we set for ourselves. Tom Mendoza, a brand contributor on Forbes, tackles this subject well by talking about the key qualities of the company he keeps and how it helps him grow. That old musing about being the average of the 5 people we spend the most time with couldn’t be truer.

7. Folks Who Don’t Reach Their Goals Because They Failed Before

This is probably the biggest reason why people don’t accomplish their goals. According to Fundera, about 20% of businesses fail in the first year. Does this mean the other 80% don’t face the same obstacles or they have a magic formula for victory? No, it just means that they managed to get themselves together and try again. The reason people can’t have everything they want is because they want everything `here and now`, but they don’t realize that failure is imminent and is the only sure road to the victory.

8. You Lack Vision and Never Take Action

Biagio Sciacca tackles the subject of a visionary mindset quite well in his blog article on how the boundaries of manifestation are limited by our own perception. He emphasizes with a personal story how everything that we see and interact with starts with a single idea in mind. A vision is not just a vague wish or some random fairy-tale hope, it is the fuel that drives your passion and every meticulous piece of work that you put in. Goal setting provides the big picture perspective on what and why you are doing something.

“Most people fail, not because of lack of desire, but because of lack of commitment.” – Vince Lombardi

9. Thinking They Lack Enough Time to Achieve Their Goals

A good number of folks don’t believe they can accomplish their dreams with the time they have left. If you’ve watched “The First Grader” you’ll get all the motivation you need. The story of an 84-year-old who goes back to school to attain a life-long desire to be learned is enough to make you think twice about giving up on your own ambitions. So it is never too late to do something you like, give yourself a try.

10. You Will Succeed Only If You Do It This Way

Living by others’ limitations and the boundaries they set for you is one sure way to box yourself in from your goals. You’ll only get more tired, frustrated and demotivated in the long run. People impose their limitations on you because they don’t want you to succeed or because they have fears about their own abilities and personal failures to deal with. Achieving your goals means silencing those critical voices and having faith in your own way of doing it. Your biggest motivation should be to do it for the people who want to see you fail.

In most of the cases, people shield themselves from success. So, don’t let anything hold you back from any goal you’ve ever set for yourself and always try your best.

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Success Advice

Stop Replying To Everyone.

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Image Credit: Unsplash

Many of you are running around like mad trying to manage your time. You’re reading productivity hacks, taking cold showers and waking up at 5 am.

You’re doing all of this because you want more time to do what you love.

Let me hit you in the face with one technique that has allowed me to win back time, so I can do what I love.

Stop replying to everyone…

You get emails asking you to do stuff.
You get asked to do an intro.
You get asked to speak at an event for free about your area of expertise.

Here’s the problem:
YOU KEEP RESPONDING TO EVERY REQUEST OF YOUR TIME.


What’s the answer?

The answer is really simple like everything I write. Are you ready?
Stop replying to everyone.

I learned this technique the hard way. When I was looking to interview entrepreneurs in 2014 about their story and share it in the form of a blog post, I didn’t get many replies.

I’d email very successful people who have achieved the impossible and get nothing.

Radio silence.
Donuts.


Why don’t your idols respond to requests for their time?

There’s many reasons.

  1. They have too many requests and could never humanly answer every single one.
  2. They have limited time and can’t fit everybody into their schedule.

The second reason is the most important. Your idols don’t respond because that’s their way of saying no.


No response is the best response.

By responding to every request of your time, you go down the rabbit hole of endless back and forth conversations.

Let me illustrate this point with a short story.

A US startup approached me on LinkedIn and asked me to advise them on their social media strategy. They offered me equity in return for my expertise.

The product was not something that aligned with who I am, and I was heading off to Europe on holidays and had no time to draft a proper reply.

I sent no response to their request.
They messaged me a second time.
I sent no response to their request.

Then, I got sucked into responding. I felt my moral compass telling me to reply and tell them no. On top of that, the startup had a very well known person in the social media industry join them. FOMO kicked in.

I replied and that’s where everything went wrong.

Once I replied to the request I got daily reminders and emails with pitch decks trying to convince me why they were the one startup who could beat Instagram. The claims of how much traction they had got more and more ridiculous.

“Eventually, a simple request of my time turned into a daily debate”

They wouldn’t leave me alone. I began to regret my stupidity for responding in the first place.

If a request of your time doesn’t resonate with you, and you don’t feel like saying “Fuck Yes” when presented with an opportunity, say NO.

Don’t be tempted by a request of your time. 
Say no.


Not replying is what works.

People generally give up after one email or direct message asking for your time. I’ve tested this theory a lot and it has almost always turned out to be true.

As soon as you reply, you become like a lawyer in the High Court trying to defend someone who is accused of murder. Your time is yours. You only get one life.

“You don’t need to justify yourself, your time, or your goals to anybody”

YOU HEAR ME? NOBODY!

The way you win back time and make room for what’s important to you is to fight the temptation to reply to every request that comes your way.

Quit giving away your time like free balloons at a car expo.


You end up making up lies.

The problem with replying to every request of your time is you can end up making up lies to get out of doing something. Or you may end up exaggerating or putting forward excuses that aren’t entirely true.

This causes even more problems for you because if the requester knows people within your network, they may find out you’re not being honest.

Why construct a grand plan that takes more of your time to respond to a request?

It’s easier to say nothing at all.


Silence says it all.

Smart people who ask you for stuff will know that after a week, if you haven’t responded, you’re probably not interested.

Silence is the best response. After all, if someone really wants you to do something they’ll chase you, they’ll follow you up and they may get a mutual connection to intro them to you.

Many pitches and requests are poorly written or incredibly selfish.

Fight back with silence. Don’t reply. Stop replying.


You’re not missing anything.

The temptation to respond can also be caused by the fear that you’re missing out.

Maybe someone is contacting you to fund your idea.
Maybe something you wrote is going to be published in the New York Times.
Maybe the request will lead you to direct a Hollywood Movie.

All of these false ideas are what’s causing you to respond to everybody.You’re worried you could miss the jackpot or your lucky break.

The harsh truth is that these opportunities are earned through hard work.Genuine opportunities that will excite you are clearly articulated and your gut feeling will guide you better than you think.

You’re not going to miss out on winning an Oscar for a movie you made because you didn’t reply to an email”


Not replying isn’t rude.

We feel we must reply to every request of our time. We have a fear that we will be accused of being rude.

This belief is false also. There’s nothing rude about not replying. We all get lots of emails and messages online and we can’t answer them all. People will understand when you don’t reply. If they don’t understand then that’s a problem with them, not you.

Don’t feel you have to reply out of politeness.

<<<>>>

If you want to increase your productivity and learn some more valuable life hacks, then join my private mailing list on timdenning.net

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Success Advice

Practice These 4 No’s for Greater Success

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how to achieve greater success
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In much of the success literature and in the applied motivational literature that is developed today, the explicit suggestions contained within are to practice certain behaviors for a certain outcome. So, you may see information with titles such as, “Do these four things for greater happiness”, or, “Perform the seven steps every morning for more focus”.

Not only am I a large proponent of these quick and distilled attributes of behavior change to bring about greater levels of whatever the outcome should be, I am also an author of a great many of them. The notion of cause and effect is explicit in applied motivation. If you want to change and affect then do not work on the effect directly, work on the cause that will invariably change the outcome.

So many of us try to psychologically bully our conscious mind into various effects, when all we really need to do is understand the causes. Thoughts drive behavior. If you change the thought the behavior must change. But can you increase your level of overall well-being by NOT doing certain things? And I know the answer is yes. It all begins with a shift in our perception and the thought process.

“If you realized how powerful your thoughts are, you would never think a negative thought.” – Peace Pilgrim

Here are four NO’s that you may want to stop practicing. And by virtue of not doing these things you will have more mental room, and idea space between your positive notions for greater levels of contentment and well-being.

1. There are no justified discontentment’s

If the laws of cause and effect, and the law of attraction hold true, then we are where we are right now by virtue of our past behaviors, which are a direct result of our past beginning. So don’t be mad over your current situation, you created it! If you want to be happy, change it! But don’t just sit there and bask in your discontentment; bring about the necessary changes that you require.

In the words of James Ray, “a person of power embraces challenges and complete gratitude. No matter the situation life may bring, discontent is never justified, but rather all is experienced as an opportunity and privilege to adventure and grow.”

2. There are no justified excuses

The present is a doorway that balances past events with future circumstances. When we begin to fully grasp the idea that there is no dress rehearsal, we are on Broadway; that there is no scrimmage, today we are in the Super Bowl, we begin to realize that our life is a series of micro adjustments and that we are in total and complete control over them. Instead of wasting time making excuses for poor decisions, spend that time in fine-tuning future decisions to make up for those poor decisions of the past.

3. There are no justified complaints

We complain about a situation for one of two reasons. One, to elicit pity from another and, two, to transfer the issue we are complaining about to somebody else. Either behavior is destructive to the current personal relationship and will only serve to undermine future transactions with that individual.

Be a person of higher self-esteem; handle your issues in silence then speak to another individual about your successful outcomes. By doing so, you have altered your focus on a positive outcome instead of our negative conditions. By the way, there is always a successful outcome! If you can find it, look deeper, it’s there!

“Champions never complain, they are too busy getting better.” – John Wooden

4. There are no justified resentments

None, zip, zilch, zero! That person that borrowed $500 off you and never paid you back, forgive them. That significant other that dropped you like a hot coal just when you needed them the most, forgive them. That business partner that screwed you to the wall and caused you to lose a vast amount of money, forgive them. Remember, forgiveness is not about them, it’s about you. By letting go of the resentments that you have toward other people you open yourself up to the endless possibilities of bountiful manifestations that can occur because of your positive attitude and constructive optimism.

Think of these four big No’s! Number them, with number one being the one which you practice and think about the most. Then answer the following questions:

  • What can I do to alter this behavior and/or thought process?
  • What situations do I encounter and lead me in this behavior and/or thought process?
  • Can I avoid those situations?
  • If so, am I willing to avoid those situations?

Then do that with the second the third and the fourth big No’s. What will happen after enough time is that you will no longer be looking for situations to offend you, rather you will begin to open up to the possibilities of what the world and the universe have to offer you in a positive, enthusiastic, and engaging light.

I look forward to your comments, opinions, and suggestions. Please feel free to write them below.

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9 Ways To Build Unbreakable Confidence From The Outside In

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Build Self Confidence

There are a million different resources and pieces of advice out there from “experts” on how to build confidence, particularly self-confidence.

A vulnerable and anxious population consumes this guidance like they are starving for it… probably because they are. The dream of being able to overcome all fear and self-imposed limits by simply reading some advice is a very tempting dish indeed.

After lifetimes of being subject to images and ideals that they cannot possibly live up to, people start to feel like they are “less than.” This fear of being a substandard human being drives some of us to seek guidance, bringing us into contact with the murky, over-crowded world of self-help products and services.

Look, some of the stuff out there is good – I know, I’ve tried most of it. However, some of it is very misguided and even delusional.

People who lack self-confidence themselves can take a class on basic theoretical knowledge of psychological research, and use it to excrete volumes of garbage about how to build self-esteem and confidence. They then charge copious amounts of money for this drivel, which usually makes you feel great temporarily but does absolutely nothing to change your long term situation.

I’m not going to pretend I know it all, yet what I do have to offer is that I have completed the full journey, from shy, “nice,” and trying to please everyone, all the way through to where I am now.

You may ask, where is that, and what does being confident mean to me? It means that these things now occur in my life where they didn’t before:

  • I regularly seek out opportunities to push boundaries and expand my comfort zone, running towards fear rather than away from it
  • I can go into a situation full of anxiety and quickly push through that to enable me to feel competent and at ease
  • I feel comfortable being honest in all situations. Rather than hide my views, I express them calmly and diplomatically where required, but also without compromise
  • I place my needs above everything else. I am selfish about developing my life and inner-self, because I know that ultimately the people in my life will benefit from me being a better person
  • Most importantly from my point of view, I can’t remember the last time I felt jealousy or envy, and it’s been many, many years since I entertained the idea of wanting to be anyone else

So how did I get to this from being a “nice” guy that did all I could to avoid confrontation and anxiety-provoking situations? Well, it wasn’t easy! I have taken some time to break down the steps I took to achieve this in order to help others out there who are similar to me and serious about developing true, unbreakable inner confidence.

See the secret is really no secret at all – it’s about constantly taking action in a way that pushes your comfort zone further out until you learn how to make any situation feel like it’s in your comfort zone.

Below are 9 ways to build unbreakable confidence from the outside in:

1. Identifying your ultimate dream lifestyle

Something that is a real confidence drainer is not knowing where you’re going in life. The great thing is you don’t even need to be sure about it; you just need to have a direction to travel in.

Try taking 30 minutes to write down a descriptive paragraph or two about what your life would look like if you could wave a magic wand and choose anything. I’ve found with my clients that answering these three questions in detail is a great structure to use:

1What will you have / what will you be doing?

2) How would other people describe you?

3) What will you think about yourself?

Writing down the detailed answers to these questions, using emotional and descriptive language. Once you’ve done this, make sure you re-read it regularly (at least twice per week) to remind yourself constantly about why it is you are getting out of bed.

This will increase your sense of purpose in life, a reason to live in a way, which will increase your confidence. Of course, to actually achieve this dream lifestyle, there are further steps you need to take… (read on).

2. Writing down goals and striving to achieve them

I remember reading about a study at Oxford University: researchers asked all students in a class who had written down their goals. I can’t remember the exact details but about 3% of them did this.

When the researchers revisited the students again 20 years later, the small group who had written down goals were earning a combined income that was greater than the combined income of all 97% of their classmates.

There are plenty of free resources out there on how to write goals (including The Inspirational Lifestyle). The general key I recommend is that rather than write outcome based goals (e.g. “I will get a promotion”) try writing action-based goals that are under your control (e.g. “I will take a management course and then apply for a promotion”).

By making sure the goals are under your control, your confidence is not subject to luck. Remove luck by making sure that nothing and no-one can affect the achievement of your goal except for you.

3. Reading popular self-development books by successful business people

While there are far too many refuse-bin-worthy self-development books out there, your safest bet is to read the memoirs and how-to books which are written by people who have actually achieved something.

It really is simple; if someone like Richard Branson is a billionaire, he’s probably a pretty reliable source of information on how to make money. It’s much better to listen to him than someone fresh from completing an MBA and spilling a bunch of inexperienced theory-based conjecture.

4Learning how to manage your state of mind

Most of the time the reason you feel anxious or nervous about a situation you’re about to go into, such as public speaking, is because you’re in the wrong frame of mind.

Imagine this: you’ve been studying accounting for three straights hours without interruption, when all of a sudden you’re dragged to a party. Straight away you feel anxiety even though going to a party is not an unusual situation for you. So what’s the problem?

Your brain was set into the “studying” state, which is secluded, quiet, and antisocial. You are then thrown into a situation which requires you to be extroverted, talkative and social. This is a really uncomfortable imbalance for your brain to handle. The solution? Taking baby steps.

When you realize you are feeling anxiety about an upcoming situation and you suspect that it is because of being in the wrong state, try to figure out some in-between steps you can take.

Using our example above, rather than going straight to the party, you could have a chat on the phone with some close friends, followed by pre-drinks at your house with just a few people. This way by the time you get to the party your state has gone from withdrawn to outgoing in easy to manage steps.

confidence picture quote

5Understanding the balance between learning, mentoring and action

One of the most common barriers to success is too much thinking and not enough doing. It’s the doing that builds confidence, not the learning.

As a general rule, for every hour you spend reading or watching videos (passive learning), you will benefit most by complementing this with two hours of mentoring or coaching, and seven hours practicing or otherwise taking action. It’s the 10/20/70 rule.

This is why I’ve titled this article “9 ways to build confidence from the outside in,” because building confidence goes far beyond just reading inspirational or educational books. It’s about taking action so you will start seeing results and positive changes.

6. Approaching strangers

This is one of the scariest things for people to do – very few can do it sober without a background in cold-calling or sales of some kind. Doing this is a really powerful way to build confidence, particularly if you’re single and approaching strangers with the intention of potential romance.

If you can get yourself to do this sober and during the day, it makes everything else seem a lot less scary. You can learn to love rejection as the learning and feedback experience it really is.

7. Trying new things regularly

Having a routine can kill your creativity and make your life boring. It’s important to seek new adventures, and always try new things regularly because it can boost your confidence through the following two ways.

1) By learning a range of skills and having varied experiences, you start building up transferable abilities. Over time less situations will seem totally unknown because you will have done something similar before.

For example, I found I really enjoyed salsa dancing despite never having danced before, because it combined my previous experiences of playing in a band and doing martial arts.

2) You will eventually find those things that bring you the most pleasure and satisfaction (in a non-creepy way of course).

Confidence is often also described as “conscious competence,” which basically means that if you are doing something that you are skilled at, and you know that you are skilled, you feel confident.

8. Surrounding yourself with successful people

Successful people always say “how can we do this?” whereas unsuccessful people generally say “why should we do this?

What kind of people do you spend the most time with? Until you develop a strong inner core of confidence that others cannot touch, you need to surround yourself with “can do” people in order to feed on their confidence.

People showing you that anything is possible, and that they believe you are capable of anything will go a long way towards helping you believe this yourself.

9. Making a conscious effort to stop caring about other’s opinions of you

Finally, the biggest lesson I ever really learned about developing true all-round confidence is that the only person I should compare myself to is… myself. There is nothing to be gained in comparing myself to others or trying to live to others expectations.

Confidence comes from setting your own expectations of yourself and then trying your best to live up to them. I am not saying that you shouldn’t compete with others, because that’s a great motivator too, but your results and progress should only be measured against your past self.

Well that’s it. There’s a million other things you can do, but I am sure that if you start with this list and TAKE ACTION rather than just read this and do nothing, then you will start to see big changes in how you feel about yourself.

Which one of the above 9 ways to build unbreakable confidence resonated most with you and why?

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