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Why You Have To Live In The Moment

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It was a casual Friday afternoon, and I was getting ready to hit the juice bar and then go home for a relaxing night. I got a call from one of my work colleagues, like I normally do late on a Friday. This colleague informed me that someone I worked with had passed away.

The fellow in question was a gentleman named Craig. I use the word gentleman because he was one in the truest sense. He had a 1920’s-like charm about him, and a voice that could calm even the most anxious person. I had never met this man in person, but I spoke to him almost daily as we were working together. The bizarre thing was that he had died three weeks before I received the news.

Being in another state of Australia, people just didn’t pass the message on. I can say honestly that when he was alive, I wish I had gotten to know him better. Our calls were probably too business-like and not focused enough on the important stuff. It’s this fact that might explain why we never completed a business deal together in over twelve months.

After about six months of knowing Craig, he came to work one day coughing really badly. Like many people, I thought it was just the flu. Weeks passed, and he still had the same cough. No serious medical attention was sought until a few months later. As it turns out, he had lung cancer even though he’s not a smoker.

He left behind four children and a loving family. So what can we learn from this seemingly sad story? What’s your damn point, Tim? Keep reading, and you’ll find out.

I want to share with you 4 things I learned from Craig that helped me live more in the moment:

1. Our heart is always bleeding

It seems like right now, every second or third week someone I care about is dying. This is the very nature of our existence, and all of our hearts are constantly bleeding. The more influence and success you have, the more people you know, and therefore the more likely tragedy will strike when you least expect it.

“None of us can stop our hearts bleeding because they are supposed to”

We’ve all got pain to deal with, and every one of us is trying to keep a brave face. What if you stopped trying to keep a brave face and focused on opening your heart rather than closing it?

What I mean by this is that, rather than hide your pain or pretend that you’re perfect, why couldn’t you share every part of yourself? That’s what I’m trying to do and yet I’m a long way from perfect. In fact, I hate the word perfect and you should too. I’m flawed like the rest of our species and proud of it.

Take stories like the one I shared about Craig, and rather than be permanently sad, use the lessons to allow your heart to bleed temporarily, and then triumph again. We’re here to rise and fall. Make sure you spend more time rising than you do falling. Change the odds in you favour to transform your life.

2. Always be kind

This man Craig taught me one thing if nothing else: always be kind, even in the face of stress and pressure. Working in finance, Craig had to deal with large amounts of stress and very demanding clients. No matter what, he always wanted to be kind.

You couldn’t shake the guy or make him feel like any less of a man. People could say things about him, and he didn’t care. He knew who he was and insisted on being an exceptional human being in all scenarios.

This lesson is one that I have worked really hard on, and I encourage you to do the same. For me, I started making small shifts. Today, I asked a homeless man what would make his day. He told me that a bottle of Coke would be awesome. Now anyone who knows me knows that Coke would be the last drink on Earth I would endorse.

In this situation, though, it wasn’t about me or my beliefs. The crux of it was about being kind. This homeless man wanted a bottle of Coke, and I was not going to deny him. I went and got his drink, brought it back for him, and saw his face light up.

Some of you might say that that’s only one face on one day, and that’s correct. What you might be missing is that when one face lights up it can, in turn, light up another.

“When we’re kind, we demonstrate that strangers do care”

If we all did one small act like buying a bottle of Coke for someone, maybe we could change the world.

By being kind, we’re living in the moment and not being caught up in the race that is going on in our mind. Changing the world seems such an enormous task, but it’s not. Like success, it’s all the small actions we take that make the big difference.

The last point I want to make on kindness is that when you receive this magical gift, acknowledge it. Every day, I get lots of nice messages on social media and via email. Rather than let this gift inflate my ego, I make sure I respond to every single one with a sentence of inspiration.

It takes up my time, but it also allows me to appreciate the moment. Every message fuels me to keep on writing and to find the nuggets of gold from the events of my life, and then share them with you all. It’s not about being significant; it’s about accepting kindness and giving it straight back.

Follow the way Craig lived his life and be kind to as many people as you come into contact with. Once you’ve mastered this gift, give it to someone else and watch their life change. Now go forth and get to work young padawan.

3. Play all out

Almost everyone (especially me) is not giving it our all. What I mean by this is that we have periods of success and positivity, and then we have dark times that follow. The dark times are needed, but the trouble is that they make up way too much of our life.

Those dark times stop us from playing all out and not giving a F&%$ about anything. If you could get some perspective on how awesome it is to be alive as a human being, your circumstances will entirely change. You’ll no longer eat your life away with junk food.

You’ll pour the alcohol down the sink and refuse to go to venues that are designed to numb rather than inspire. Playing all out equals living in the moment. Playing all out is the acknowledgment that you understand how crucial this very moment is right now.

Playing all out is accepting your mortality, fist pumping the air, and giving more than 100% because it would be criminal not to. It’s about more than just participating; it’s about taking it to a level that no one around you is prepared to take it to.

It’s being the guy or girl who people look at and wonder what the heck is wrong with you. It’s the resilience that makes you forget about those judgemental eyes and allows you to focus on the moment. All you have is this moment. The next moment is not guaranteed.

4. You’re here for a blink of an eye

If you look up at the stars each night, you’ll realize pretty quickly that we are all here for a blink of an eye. Our problems are so small compared to the giant mass that is our universe. Time will keep rolling on, and even if the human race dies off one day, the universe will remain.

There will always be something bigger than us. This idea is very important because it stops us from both sweating the small stuff and caring about what everyone else thinks. You and I are both powerful creatures, and because our time is so limited, we should learn to appreciate time.

We should learn that time is all we have and it doesn’t stop for anything. In my own life, I’ve had the chance at love and sometimes hesitated. What if I just stopped thinking about what could happen, and just told the person how I felt right then and there?

If I love them in that moment, then I should tell them so because just like Craig, they could be gone tomorrow. If the worst happens, and we haven’t told that one person how much we love and care about them, we run the risk of having regret.

Let’s put the games of relationships and business aside, and be our authentic selves. Tell the world who you are and live it every day until your last breath. Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t do something.

Do you feel you’re living in the moment? Let me know on my website timdenning.net or my Facebook.
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Balancing is for your checkbook, gymnastics, and nutrition; not for your people’s work/life ratio.

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5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

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Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.

 

Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:

 

1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.

 

2. Persistent Pain

 
Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
 
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.
 
 

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

 
Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
 
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
 
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
 
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.
 

4. A strong need for control

 
It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
 
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
 
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.
 
 

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

 
Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
 
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.
 
 

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

 
Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
 
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.
 

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

 
 
If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to awebliss.com and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
 
 
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