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The Truth About Love

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The Truth About Love

The truth about love is you can’t ignore it. I know this because I’ve tried myself. I’m not just talking about romantic love; I’m talking about these four topics:

– Loving yourself first
– Falling in love with a significant other
– Giving love to the world
– Knowing how to receive love

A friend of a friend, named Mark Lack, shocked me a few weeks ago. He said on his TV show that he wanted to share one secret with his business audience that was the best advice you’ll ever hear. I’m naturally on the edge of my seat ready to write down some online business hack that could make me millions.

Mark said,

“Nothing in your life matters, but one thing: how much love you give and how much love you receive. Love is the only thing in life that matters.”

It’s not just Mark that is spreading this message. This message is coming from entrepreneurs consistently now who’ve made it, climbed to the top of the mountain and figured out that love is all there is.

You’d think after two failed relationships within twelve months and a massive heartbreak I’d know that by now. So stop chasing fame, money, cool friends, parties or whatever else is distracting you from this one thing: love.

You can’t avoid it and instead, should embrace it. Love has so much power once you move out of thinking it’s uncool, and into a place of understanding. There is, however, two rules you must follow to play the game of love and get the benefits.

 

Rule One: Sacrifice

Love will not happen for you my friend unless you are prepared to sacrifice. If the benefits of love were so easy to obtain, we’d all be drinking the Kool-Aid by now and stop numbing our pain with food, drugs and alcohol.

self-sacrificeThe sacrifice I’m talking about is the biggest one you can make: give your entire life to love. In practical terms this doesn’t mean you go join some hippie cult; it means you must choose love in every situation.

Someone cuts you off, choose love; someone pisses on your front door, choose love; someone cuts in front of you at the grocery store and makes you late for work, choose love. It’s freaking hard work to choose love every day.

In romantic relationships, you’re going to have to get used to the good and the bad. No one is going to meet all of your requirements. You are going to have to do some things you don’t want to do that hurt like hell and are the opposite of what you believe. That’s plain bad luck because if you want the joy of living in a place of love with another person, that’s what it takes.

 

Rule Two: Compromise

If sacrifice had a sibling, it would be compromise. To enjoy a world of love you have to be prepared to negotiate on what you are willing to settle for. This is really hard for us entrepreneurs because we think we can negotiate our way out of every situation.

The trouble with love is that it only enters your life when you’re ready. The warrior who is ready to experience true love in their life knows that compromise is a must.

 

Loving yourself first

The beauty of love has come and gone so many times in my own life until I recently had a significant realization: you have to love yourself first. Before love can enter your life, you have to first love yourself. This is not some Kama Sutra spiritual junk, this is real.

Many of us go through life experiencing so much pain because we don’t love ourself. We have to love ourself the way we would love a romantic partner. We have to be able to look ourselves in the eye and know that we’re freaking awesome the way we are.

“If you lack love in your life, it’s because you haven’t started with you”

I read a book the other day about this entrepreneur who lost the one thing he loved: his company. Shortly after, he lost his romantic partner and everything else that he perceived to be good in his life.

He ended up at rock bottom and very sick. What got him out of this hellish nightmare was getting up every day and telling himself out loud one phrase: “I love myself! I love myself! I love myself!”

This seemingly stupid habit made his brain finally believe that he was enough and that he was special the way he is. This gentleman has now rebuilt his life and can be seen in rooms giving speeches about how he now loves himself, and repeats that phrase every day, so he doesn’t forget.

Key Action:

Every morning for a week, look at one of your eyes in the mirror and repeat the phrase “I love myself” for five minutes a day.

At night, put on a hypnotic piece of music that goes for around five minutes. Close your eyes, and repeat to yourself in your head or ideally out loud “I love myself” over and over.” If you want a recommendation for a good piece of music, then try the Gladiator Theme Song from the movie.

 

Falling in love with a significant other

Falling-in-loveYou can’t ignore having someone to spend your life with, whom you truly love. Maybe you’re in a relationship and you don’t love the person, or maybe you are single and haven’t got anyone at all. The reality is that you must sort out this part of your life.

You cannot go on forever without solving this riddle. Loving someone other than yourself requires you to take lots of risks, and the chances are that you’re going to fail a lot. In fact, finding that one person is like doing a startup; failure is predictable, guaranteed and full of valuable lessons.

Our brain is programmed through evolution to find another human being and settle down at some point. Don’t fool yourself and try to postpone this rule of love forever. You’ll end up miserable if you do. Be strong, have courage and love like you’ve never been hurt before.

 

Giving love to the world

This is where things get interesting. Many of us are not giving any love (or hardly any) to the world around us. By not giving love to all those around you, you deprive yourself of some of the best happiness that exists on the planet.

When you’re down, and you give love, you get to focus your brain on all the abundance that exists. Selfishness is what causes us pain and makes us unfulfilled. Turn the spotlight away from you and onto someone other than yourself.

There’s so much beauty to be seen when you give love. Giving love brings out the best in those you give it to. Giving love generates more smiles and fewer haters. Giving love is what makes the world go round and continue existing.

If we all hated each other, then we’d nuke the heck out of one another and nobody would be left. What stops this event from occurring is the fact there is more love, than evil on our planet. Love is the currency you want to adopt.

Key Action:

I want you to try an experiment to see if this whole giving love thing works. Give a brand new pair of shoes away to a homeless person – the more expensive, the better the result. Don’t pretend like you don’t have any because we all have a pair of shoes lying around that we haven’t worn yet and probably don’t need.

The purpose of this exercise is to show yourself how good it is when you come from a place of love when you’re not being asked to. The results will speak for themselves. Try it! If I’m wrong, I’ll give you a 100% money back guarantee like those 90’s infomercials.

 

Knowing how to receive love

Over the last few months, I’ve experienced a few struggles and people have been there to offer acts of love. I’ve been lousy at accepting this love, and I’ve realized that it’s a double edge sword. You can’t give love and then refuse to receive any back.

“By shutting off your ability to receive love, you force yourself to do the hard times alone”

This, in turn, makes you lonely, which makes you feel like crap, which becomes a downward spiral. It’s especially hard for blokes to receive love because we somehow think we’re too big and strong to ever need a helping hand.

Being strong in the truest sense means that we don’t only give love, but we receive it and be grateful for this gift no matter what. The amount of love you receive is directly correlated to how much love you give. If it’s all about you and your Instagram selfies, then you’ll find pretty quickly that there is no love waiting for you when you need it most.

No matter how perfect anyone’s life may seem, we all have major setbacks, dark times and failure. Having people to give you love in those times makes the struggle one hundred times easier.

 

Summary

The truth about love is that it’s the greatest experience in the world. It’s the secret sauce to everything we’ve ever wanted if we’ll just try it out for a bit. It’s so easy to miss though because we all get chances, but we never maximize the opportunity. We choose ourselves first instead of love.

Then we wonder why the thoughts in our head won’t go away, and why we have to numb the pain all the time. We wonder why we’ve got to escape on a holiday to take our mind off this void that we can’t explain. The void is the lack of love in your life.

Make some sacrifices, compromise on your rules for life once in a while, open your arms wide and be prepared for some cool stuff to happen. We are all here to do one thing and one thing only; love our freaking hearts out until they stop beating.

If you want to increase your productivity and learn some more valuable life hacks, then join my private mailing list on timdenning.net

Tim is best known as a long-time contributor on Addicted2Success. Tim's content has been shared hundreds of thousands of times and he has written multiple viral posts all around success, personal development, motivation, and entrepreneurship. During the day Tim works with the most iconic tech companies in the world, as an adviser, to assist them in expanding into Australia. By night, Tim coaches his students on the principles of personal development and the fundamentals of entrepreneurship. You can connect with Tim through his website www.timdenning.net or through his Facebook.

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Life

3 Simple Steps to Remove Drama From Your Life Immediately

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You come home, tired from work, and as soon as you open the door, the drama hits you in the face. Either your boyfriend/girlfriend is throwing a tantrum which ends up in a full-out fight for hours or your boss has a love/hate relationship with you and gives you so many responsibilities that you end up working late in the night. Maybe it is simply your parents who keep forcing you to take the job, partner or university you don’t really want.

Whatever it may be, our lives are out of control when we experience drama. But there is a way we can solve this.

Here are 3 simple steps to help you remove drama from your life:

1. Stand your ground even if it rains or snows

The sentence is said by Script in one of their songs. What does it mean? Most of the drama happens in our lives because we don’t stand our grounds. We let our attitudes and behaviors become shaped by other people’s agenda. What happens when your loved one throws a tantrum at you when it’s not your fault? If you budge and start apologizing for something you didn’t do, it will always happen.

When you stand your ground, you engage in a tough conversation. And our lives are marked by the number of tough conversations we are willing to have. Yeah, it’s easier to just keep your mouth shut and let the tantrum go away by itself, but that way, you create a short-term advantage, but a long-term disadvantage because you just postpone the problem which will just keep popping up.

To solve this, you need to be willing to stand your ground. With this attitude, you kill the monster while it’s still young. If you let it grow, it will spiral out of control. This means hitting the drama in the cause, not the effect. See what is behind the tantrum of your girlfriend/boyfriend, understand why your parents want you to get this kind of education and talk openly with your boss about the tasks. It isn’t easy, but it’s worth it in the long-term.

“Life is 10% what you experience and 90% how you respond to it.” – Charles R. Swindoll

2. Remove toxic people from your environment

You are the average of 5 people you hang out with the most,said famously by Jim Rohn and it seems to be an axiom proven over and over again. Did you notice how some people create drama in their lives even when there is no reason behind it? There is always someone who screws them up somehow, always someone who talks bad behind their back and always someone who needs to get what they deserve.

No matter how much you try to help them, there always seems to be drama which occupies their time, focus, and energy. At this moment, you need to cut these people loose. They are simply not worth it. If you stay long enough, they will just drag you into their drama. With that, you will also start living it, which will sap your time, focus, and energy.

If your working environment is toxic, just quit because it’s not worth it. You will find another job even in this day’s economy. As Jim Collins said in Good to Great “If you come home and talk about the bad employee who just saps your energy, it is time to fire him.” Use the same rule for the working environment.

Don’t limit yourself only to the working environment, look at your relationships with friends and loved ones as well. If it won’t change, you know what to do. Short-term pain for the long-term gain!

“One important key to success is self-confidence. An important key to self-confidence is preparation.”- Arthur Ashe

3. The spotlight effect

This effect tells us that even though we are the center of our universe, we are not the center of everyone else’s universe. We tend to think that everyone else focuses on us and marks every single step we take, but in reality, people most often don’t care about us.

If you want to kill drama from your life, start by understanding that you don’t matter as much as you think. This will prevent you from escalating drama in your life. You’ve probably had the situation where a friend stood you up for a drink or something similar. They probably forgot or had something urgent to deal with. They didn’t stand you up to humiliate you or to make you nervous and anxious.

There is no hidden agenda to destroy you in any way. People don’t really care that much about you and as soon as you internalize that, you will be free.  You will forgive and realize that the world doesn’t revolve around you. Did someone postpone a meeting with you? They are not trying to screw you over. Someone didn’t return you the book they borrowed? They probably forgot.

This will give you freedom and it will kill drama in your life. You will feel much more alive because you won’t be using your time, focus, and energy on drama. In turn, that will free up your time to create something valuable and use your time, focus and energy on something great, something people will value, use or read.

If you’ve managed to remove the drama from your life, spread the word about it. There are people struggling with these situations in their lives, and you can show them that life can be simple and great, but only if they remove drama from it. So share this article with your friends who could use it. Trust me, it will help them.

What are some things you’ve done to remove drama from your life? Comment below!

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No Mess, No Clutter For 4 Weeks.

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Today is a special anniversary. It’s been four weeks of no mess and no clutter. A few of my work colleagues were fascinated by this achievement when I told them and asked me to write about it.

The process to get there was grueling. It made me sick, it was stressful and it was hard. It was worth every second though and it can help everyone reading this.

Here’s what I learned:

 

The past no longer has to haunt me.

After two weeks, I realized that I had let go of the ex-girlfriends, failed startups and memories that held no significance in my life. Throwing out junk and decluttering helps you deal with the past.

You may think you have dealt with the past but the objects that are left over are the last remaining bits that must be dealt with.

There’s something so freeing about letting go and dealing with your past. It creates space for you to excel in the future and empty your mind. No longer will a dumb pair of socks that your ex-partner bought, remind you of the way they complained about you all the time.

 

I saved money and lots of it.

It’s only been four weeks and my bank account is thanking me for the tidy up. Now that I know what I have, I can stop buying more batteries, screwdrivers and stationary that I already have.

“Once you’ve lived without clutter, you become like a prison guard, guarding your home against possessions you’ll never use”

This results in fewer purchases and my debit card thanks me.

I was spending hundreds of dollars every year buying things that I might use on a rainy day in a few years. That rainy day came often, yet I never used the items I was stockpiling.

Thanks to these little changes, I now have more money to invest in stocks and my new startup.

 

You quit letting other people’s junk become your burden.

People die and leave you stuff.
People move countries and leave you stuff.
People ask you to look after their stuff.
People give you stuff that you’re too scared to throw out in case they find out and get upset with you.

You can’t keep letting other people’s possessions become your burden. Set yourself free and let go of possessions regardless of where they came from or who will care. It’s the only way to declutter.

 

It’s obvious what I can live without.

Now that more than 50% of my possessions are in either charity bins or at the recycling center, I now know what I can live without. Here’s what I was wrong about.

– I thought I needed coconut oil. It turns out that I hate the taste and haven’t used it for two years. Throwing it away reminded me that I could live without it.

– I thought I needed fifteen different pyjama tops. It turns out I only ever wear three of them. The other twelve pairs are not my size and remind me of my old body which I’m not proud of.

– I thought I needed tons of bedding and as it turns out, I rotate the same few doona covers and sheets because they have bright colors that make me happy. The black and grey ones are depressing and I subconsciously never choose to use them.

– I thought I needed to buy in bulk. It turns out I don’t have the room and it feels better to live in a decluttered environment. Buying in bulk was only making the retailers rich, and me sad.

 

I’m surrounded by objects that make me happy.

That’s the result of having no mess and decluttering. Items that you keep (only keep the stuff that brings you joy) are now all around you. Everywhere I now look, I see useful possessions that get used and make me happy.

Decluttering allowed me to have more of what I love, and less of what I don’t. Being happy is a decision.

“It takes lots of small decisions about what to throw out, to get to a point where your limited number of possessions can bring you joy”

I also know everything I have now because I have so few possessions. This makes me happy.

 

My life is now organized.

Being organized is a massive time saver. No longer do I need to go on the equivalent of a twelve day Easter Egg Hunt to find a belt I want to wear. It’s now either the black one or the brown one.

This feeling of being organized is addictive and if you do one big tidy up, and you don’t stop until its done, you’ll never go back to your messy ways.

Being organized equals time, which equals money baby!

P.S – Before you send me an email full of rage over how simple I make this all sound, try it for yourself. Take a risk. Embrace the fear. I’m not the only one who has decluttered. There are thousands of us on the Internet that you can look up who’ve had the exact same experience.

If you want to increase your productivity and learn some more valuable life hacks, then join my private mailing list on timdenning.net

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How to Get Better at Anything by Using This Self Encouragement Practice

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Whether you’re turning your sidehustle into a career, sculpting a fitter body, or perfecting your favourite sport, getting better at anything requires a simple yet specific sequence:

You do it, you encourage each of your efforts and then you repeat this process every day without cease.

Now think about the goals you’ve set after, and the habits you’ve tried to hone. If you aren’t exactly where you want to be in your growth curve, you’re skipping one or two of these simple steps. Which is it for you?

I used to be really good at starting things—step one. But, back before I began my self-improvement journey, I didn’t have the slightest concept of self-encouragement—step two. I figured that once I did something well enough, I’d get all the congratulations I needed from other people. It didn’t work out that way.

When things got really tough in my new business ventures or educational endeavors, I’d crack. I didn’t have someone orienting me toward the future, coaching me, and approving my efforts. I didn’t have me in my own corner.

Self encouragement is like the protein you consume after a workout

Lifting weights is hard on your muscles, right? The resistance/stress breaks down tissue. But if you don’t replenish your body with protein after the workout, your muscles won’t grow, which makes regular workouts frustrating and pointless. The same is true for self-encouragement and your personal growth.

You need that reflexive “good job!” or “you’re kicking ass!” to rebuild confidence after a big effort. But when you don’t get that positive self-talk, you won’t feel good enough about yourself and confident enough about the future to persist in your success effort.

“A word of encouragement during a failure is worth more than an hour of praise after success.” – Unknown

After landing back at my parents (for the third time) when my business venture in California went bust, I decided I would no longer succumb to the forces that had sabotaged my previous efforts. So I read all that I could from Tony Robbins and Zig Ziglar. The one thing I learned was that I had to become my own biggest supporter, otherwise, I’d continue to bring myself down with negative self-talk and inconsistent effort.

That’s when I started planning self-encouragement

My greatest weakness is that if I don’t plan something out and have an action step I can check off, I just won’t do it. This weakness ended up becoming my biggest strength when I decided to take ownership of it.

Since I wasn’t encouraging myself enough to grow consistently as a writer, I started writing out ten checkboxes for self encouragement in my daily planner. That’s when I literally got addicted to success.

Before, I’d write an article and then think to myself, “Yeah…probably not gonna make a difference anyway.” This attitude prevented me from taking risks and consistently doing my best, which is crucial for any kind of success. But when I started creating self-encouragement rituals to conclude my writing sessions, I got high off of the positivity.

“Thank you so much for kicking ass today! Thank you for doing everything you need to do to be successful and to make a difference. I’m so grateful for your efforts, and so excited to see where this effort takes you. Keep it up!”

This was instant gratification in the otherwise-delayed gratification process of achieving success, and it ended up giving me the confidence and positive attitude I needed to persist, to learn from my mistakes, and to grow in the ways I desired.

Three months after I planned for daily self-encouragement, I had my first full-time job as a staff writer at a major publication. That was no coincidence. When I continued my success sequence, do, encourage, persist, it was only another year before I was on each of the major magazines I’d dreamed of writing for.

“In the middle of every difficulty lies opportunity.” Albert Einstein

I gained a following. People began seeking me out for coaching, to help them gain similar success in wherever they wanted to improve their own lives. But more important than anything, I established an identity as my own greatest supporter, which will help me to succeed in anything I set my mind to: marriage, expanding my business, etc. I owe my successes and my career to ten self encouragement checkboxes.

Here’s how to start your self encouragement practice today:

1. Start a morning routine of affirmations

Before your mind can drift to negative thoughts, immediately set yourself to positive affirmations. I mean literally right after you wake up, don’t skip a beat! Pick out the forty affirmations that you need most. “I am worthy, I am persistent, I am successful” and write them down on a 3×5 index card. Then, recite them to yourself in a mirror as soon as you wake up. Keep up the habit until you have all forty memorized.

Once you start this practice you’ll become sensitized to your inner dialogue and you’ll begin to hear everything going on between your ears, including the negative. When you start to hear you beating yourself up, that’s when it’s crucial to fall back on the positive affirmation. You’ll cement this habit by scheduling regular self-encouragement checkins in a daily planner.

2. Create ten checkboxes for self encouragement in your daily planner

If you don’t already have a daily planning habit, you won’t get the life you want until you start planning for it every day. You don’t need to plan much, just your top five to eight goals, and the habits you intend to do every day (self-encouragement being the most important one). After you list your first three or four goals at the top, break the page up with “encourage yourself!”—followed by ten checkboxes.

As you check off your goals, make sure to encourage yourself for your efforts. For example, if one of your goals were to run five miles in the morning, when you check that goal off you’ll immediately applaud yourself and then check off a self-encouragement box. “Thank you so much for taking care of my body and making me feel good about myself, you’re doing awesome!” Check.

When you refer to your planner throughout the day, you’ll notice that there are more checkboxes than you have goals. Use those empty checkboxes as reminders to affirm yourself. “I am generous, kind, patient, uplifting, creative, dependable, perseverant, etc.” Check.

Keep this up over the course of a month and you’ll be on your way to mastering whatever it is you want.  

By holding yourself accountable to a self-encouragement practice, you’ll grow the resilience and confidence you need to persist in the things you love and to master the skills and habits you desire. All it takes is a blank sketchbook and the routine of planning out each of your goals at the beginning of a day, including ten checkboxes for self encouragement.

What self encouragement practices do you do? Comment below!

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The 4 Dimensions of Personal Energy You Need to Adopt to Deliver Extraordinary Results

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Managers tend to look at humans as productivity units. Energy is invested into prioritizing what’s on the to do list, with an attitude of do more and accomplish more. Work is translated into more hours and the human experience tends to be minimized, criticized or diminished.

As the demands of the workplace keep rising, many people respond by increasing their hours at a rapid pace, inevitably leading to burn out that costs both people and business. Many businesses invest in developing people’s knowledge and skills yet very few help build and sustain their capacity – their energy. When you invest in your people, they have greater capacity to make it possible to get more done in less time.

In today’s world, business leaders generally feel it is the employee’s problem to practice healthy behaviors. Given the amount of time people spend at work, a shared responsibility embarks on both the business and the employee. Where possible, workplaces must facilitate the development of healthy practices to create a mutually beneficial and sustainable environment. Individually, you are responsible for how you manage your energy, the workplace is responsible for creating a workplace where people are energized, and their creativity unleashed.

When workplaces invest in their people across all dimensions of their lives, magic happens. People turn up at work energized, more productive, and execute the shared vision to deliver results.

When you are fully energized, you accomplish more in less time. When you feel fulfilled, you become more engaged, effective and contribute without expectation. The human experience includes four dimensions of personal energy that need to be cultivated to increase these levels of energy and deliver extraordinary results across workplaces.

1. We function best when we feel positive

Most people tend to perform best when they feel positive. I’m not talking about the eternal optimist and rah-rah noise, I’m referring to the people who re-fuel their positive energy by identifying their trigger points to what drains their energy and then refocus on a solution. Creating a resourceful functional state where you can think clearly, logically and reflectively.

Building habits into your day avoids you slipping into negative emotions or moving through them quicker. Diffusing emotions through deep breathing, expressing appreciation and gratitude as the brain can only do one thing at a time. Adopting self-reflection techniques such as upgrading the lens approach creates opportunities to refocus your energy – How would l like to see this situation in 3 months’ time? What lessons can l learn from this situation?

“When you are enthusiastic about what you do, you feel this positive energy. It’s very simple.” – Paulo Coelho

2. The human spirit

The human spirit transcends the individual human being. When you are clear about your purpose, what really matters, you focus better, feel more positive and feel a deeper commitment to contributing to humanity. To access the energy of the human spirit, explore what you do best and enjoy most at work and in life. Allocate time and energy to these areas and make a conscious decision to live your core values every day.

3. Sustaining your mental energy

Multitasking is a great way to kill your mental energy. When you lose your focus, or move from one task to the next, you increase the amount of time required to complete the primary task. Building simple rituals into your day can prevent mental fatigue.

Reduce interruptions by allocating uninterruptible 50-minute blocks of time to focus on the one task, respond to emails, voicemails at designated times during the day and identify the most important task for the next day. Robin Sharma, author of The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari, suggests focusing for the next 90 days, the first 90 minutes of your work day on creating your new piece of code that will revolutionize the marketplace.

4. Physical energy

We all need nutrition, exercise, sleep and rest. It is part of the human condition. If you want to sustain your energy levels, the four essential components will increase your energy levels to enable your focus on your single most valuable project and manage your emotions. Your will power may be highest first thing in the morning, your energy may peak in the afternoon or your mental focus may be the sharpest late at night. Capitalize and build a pocket of time so you use your highest value hours for your most valuable activities.

“Energy and persistence conquer all things.” – Benjamin Franklin

Prioritizing healthy eating, engaging in movement activities and committed to deep restful sleep are the keys to sustaining your physical energy. Consistent sleeping times with undisrupted sleep is critical to your ability to maintain your energy levels. Power naps, removal of digital technology from bedrooms and investment in sleep transition activities such as reading non-work-related books, listening to a guided meditation or focusing on breath work are great practices to invest in re-building energy levels.

When you are physically active, mentally agile, emotionally stable and spiritually charged, you can balance different aspects of your life with ease. Adopting rituals to manage your energy on all dimensions daily creates an environment where you are leading you, not the other way around. Manage your energy, not your time.

What techniques do you use to maximize your energy? Comment below!

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Life

3 Simple Steps to Remove Drama From Your Life Immediately

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You come home, tired from work, and as soon as you open the door, the drama hits you in the face. Either your boyfriend/girlfriend is throwing a tantrum which ends up in a full-out fight for hours or your boss has a love/hate relationship with you and gives you so many responsibilities that you end up working late in the night. Maybe it is simply your parents who keep forcing you to take the job, partner or university you don’t really want. (more…)

Bruno Boksic is a writer at Medium.com. An avid reader of personal development books, with a 7-year long experience of helping people become the best version of themselves. I don't have all the answers, but the ones I do, I share through my writing.  You can contact me at boksicbruno@gmail.com

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Life

3 Simple Steps to Remove Drama From Your Life Immediately

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drama

You come home, tired from work, and as soon as you open the door, the drama hits you in the face. Either your boyfriend/girlfriend is throwing a tantrum which ends up in a full-out fight for hours or your boss has a love/hate relationship with you and gives you so many responsibilities that you end up working late in the night. Maybe it is simply your parents who keep forcing you to take the job, partner or university you don’t really want.

Whatever it may be, our lives are out of control when we experience drama. But there is a way we can solve this.

Here are 3 simple steps to help you remove drama from your life:

1. Stand your ground even if it rains or snows

The sentence is said by Script in one of their songs. What does it mean? Most of the drama happens in our lives because we don’t stand our grounds. We let our attitudes and behaviors become shaped by other people’s agenda. What happens when your loved one throws a tantrum at you when it’s not your fault? If you budge and start apologizing for something you didn’t do, it will always happen.

When you stand your ground, you engage in a tough conversation. And our lives are marked by the number of tough conversations we are willing to have. Yeah, it’s easier to just keep your mouth shut and let the tantrum go away by itself, but that way, you create a short-term advantage, but a long-term disadvantage because you just postpone the problem which will just keep popping up.

To solve this, you need to be willing to stand your ground. With this attitude, you kill the monster while it’s still young. If you let it grow, it will spiral out of control. This means hitting the drama in the cause, not the effect. See what is behind the tantrum of your girlfriend/boyfriend, understand why your parents want you to get this kind of education and talk openly with your boss about the tasks. It isn’t easy, but it’s worth it in the long-term.

“Life is 10% what you experience and 90% how you respond to it.” – Charles R. Swindoll

2. Remove toxic people from your environment

You are the average of 5 people you hang out with the most,said famously by Jim Rohn and it seems to be an axiom proven over and over again. Did you notice how some people create drama in their lives even when there is no reason behind it? There is always someone who screws them up somehow, always someone who talks bad behind their back and always someone who needs to get what they deserve.

No matter how much you try to help them, there always seems to be drama which occupies their time, focus, and energy. At this moment, you need to cut these people loose. They are simply not worth it. If you stay long enough, they will just drag you into their drama. With that, you will also start living it, which will sap your time, focus, and energy.

If your working environment is toxic, just quit because it’s not worth it. You will find another job even in this day’s economy. As Jim Collins said in Good to Great “If you come home and talk about the bad employee who just saps your energy, it is time to fire him.” Use the same rule for the working environment.

Don’t limit yourself only to the working environment, look at your relationships with friends and loved ones as well. If it won’t change, you know what to do. Short-term pain for the long-term gain!

“One important key to success is self-confidence. An important key to self-confidence is preparation.”- Arthur Ashe

3. The spotlight effect

This effect tells us that even though we are the center of our universe, we are not the center of everyone else’s universe. We tend to think that everyone else focuses on us and marks every single step we take, but in reality, people most often don’t care about us.

If you want to kill drama from your life, start by understanding that you don’t matter as much as you think. This will prevent you from escalating drama in your life. You’ve probably had the situation where a friend stood you up for a drink or something similar. They probably forgot or had something urgent to deal with. They didn’t stand you up to humiliate you or to make you nervous and anxious.

There is no hidden agenda to destroy you in any way. People don’t really care that much about you and as soon as you internalize that, you will be free.  You will forgive and realize that the world doesn’t revolve around you. Did someone postpone a meeting with you? They are not trying to screw you over. Someone didn’t return you the book they borrowed? They probably forgot.

This will give you freedom and it will kill drama in your life. You will feel much more alive because you won’t be using your time, focus, and energy on drama. In turn, that will free up your time to create something valuable and use your time, focus and energy on something great, something people will value, use or read.

If you’ve managed to remove the drama from your life, spread the word about it. There are people struggling with these situations in their lives, and you can show them that life can be simple and great, but only if they remove drama from it. So share this article with your friends who could use it. Trust me, it will help them.

What are some things you’ve done to remove drama from your life? Comment below!

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No Mess, No Clutter For 4 Weeks.

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Today is a special anniversary. It’s been four weeks of no mess and no clutter. A few of my work colleagues were fascinated by this achievement when I told them and asked me to write about it.

The process to get there was grueling. It made me sick, it was stressful and it was hard. It was worth every second though and it can help everyone reading this.

Here’s what I learned:

 

The past no longer has to haunt me.

After two weeks, I realized that I had let go of the ex-girlfriends, failed startups and memories that held no significance in my life. Throwing out junk and decluttering helps you deal with the past.

You may think you have dealt with the past but the objects that are left over are the last remaining bits that must be dealt with.

There’s something so freeing about letting go and dealing with your past. It creates space for you to excel in the future and empty your mind. No longer will a dumb pair of socks that your ex-partner bought, remind you of the way they complained about you all the time.

 

I saved money and lots of it.

It’s only been four weeks and my bank account is thanking me for the tidy up. Now that I know what I have, I can stop buying more batteries, screwdrivers and stationary that I already have.

“Once you’ve lived without clutter, you become like a prison guard, guarding your home against possessions you’ll never use”

This results in fewer purchases and my debit card thanks me.

I was spending hundreds of dollars every year buying things that I might use on a rainy day in a few years. That rainy day came often, yet I never used the items I was stockpiling.

Thanks to these little changes, I now have more money to invest in stocks and my new startup.

 

You quit letting other people’s junk become your burden.

People die and leave you stuff.
People move countries and leave you stuff.
People ask you to look after their stuff.
People give you stuff that you’re too scared to throw out in case they find out and get upset with you.

You can’t keep letting other people’s possessions become your burden. Set yourself free and let go of possessions regardless of where they came from or who will care. It’s the only way to declutter.

 

It’s obvious what I can live without.

Now that more than 50% of my possessions are in either charity bins or at the recycling center, I now know what I can live without. Here’s what I was wrong about.

– I thought I needed coconut oil. It turns out that I hate the taste and haven’t used it for two years. Throwing it away reminded me that I could live without it.

– I thought I needed fifteen different pyjama tops. It turns out I only ever wear three of them. The other twelve pairs are not my size and remind me of my old body which I’m not proud of.

– I thought I needed tons of bedding and as it turns out, I rotate the same few doona covers and sheets because they have bright colors that make me happy. The black and grey ones are depressing and I subconsciously never choose to use them.

– I thought I needed to buy in bulk. It turns out I don’t have the room and it feels better to live in a decluttered environment. Buying in bulk was only making the retailers rich, and me sad.

 

I’m surrounded by objects that make me happy.

That’s the result of having no mess and decluttering. Items that you keep (only keep the stuff that brings you joy) are now all around you. Everywhere I now look, I see useful possessions that get used and make me happy.

Decluttering allowed me to have more of what I love, and less of what I don’t. Being happy is a decision.

“It takes lots of small decisions about what to throw out, to get to a point where your limited number of possessions can bring you joy”

I also know everything I have now because I have so few possessions. This makes me happy.

 

My life is now organized.

Being organized is a massive time saver. No longer do I need to go on the equivalent of a twelve day Easter Egg Hunt to find a belt I want to wear. It’s now either the black one or the brown one.

This feeling of being organized is addictive and if you do one big tidy up, and you don’t stop until its done, you’ll never go back to your messy ways.

Being organized equals time, which equals money baby!

P.S – Before you send me an email full of rage over how simple I make this all sound, try it for yourself. Take a risk. Embrace the fear. I’m not the only one who has decluttered. There are thousands of us on the Internet that you can look up who’ve had the exact same experience.

If you want to increase your productivity and learn some more valuable life hacks, then join my private mailing list on timdenning.net

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How to Get Better at Anything by Using This Self Encouragement Practice

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Whether you’re turning your sidehustle into a career, sculpting a fitter body, or perfecting your favourite sport, getting better at anything requires a simple yet specific sequence:

You do it, you encourage each of your efforts and then you repeat this process every day without cease.

Now think about the goals you’ve set after, and the habits you’ve tried to hone. If you aren’t exactly where you want to be in your growth curve, you’re skipping one or two of these simple steps. Which is it for you?

I used to be really good at starting things—step one. But, back before I began my self-improvement journey, I didn’t have the slightest concept of self-encouragement—step two. I figured that once I did something well enough, I’d get all the congratulations I needed from other people. It didn’t work out that way.

When things got really tough in my new business ventures or educational endeavors, I’d crack. I didn’t have someone orienting me toward the future, coaching me, and approving my efforts. I didn’t have me in my own corner.

Self encouragement is like the protein you consume after a workout

Lifting weights is hard on your muscles, right? The resistance/stress breaks down tissue. But if you don’t replenish your body with protein after the workout, your muscles won’t grow, which makes regular workouts frustrating and pointless. The same is true for self-encouragement and your personal growth.

You need that reflexive “good job!” or “you’re kicking ass!” to rebuild confidence after a big effort. But when you don’t get that positive self-talk, you won’t feel good enough about yourself and confident enough about the future to persist in your success effort.

“A word of encouragement during a failure is worth more than an hour of praise after success.” – Unknown

After landing back at my parents (for the third time) when my business venture in California went bust, I decided I would no longer succumb to the forces that had sabotaged my previous efforts. So I read all that I could from Tony Robbins and Zig Ziglar. The one thing I learned was that I had to become my own biggest supporter, otherwise, I’d continue to bring myself down with negative self-talk and inconsistent effort.

That’s when I started planning self-encouragement

My greatest weakness is that if I don’t plan something out and have an action step I can check off, I just won’t do it. This weakness ended up becoming my biggest strength when I decided to take ownership of it.

Since I wasn’t encouraging myself enough to grow consistently as a writer, I started writing out ten checkboxes for self encouragement in my daily planner. That’s when I literally got addicted to success.

Before, I’d write an article and then think to myself, “Yeah…probably not gonna make a difference anyway.” This attitude prevented me from taking risks and consistently doing my best, which is crucial for any kind of success. But when I started creating self-encouragement rituals to conclude my writing sessions, I got high off of the positivity.

“Thank you so much for kicking ass today! Thank you for doing everything you need to do to be successful and to make a difference. I’m so grateful for your efforts, and so excited to see where this effort takes you. Keep it up!”

This was instant gratification in the otherwise-delayed gratification process of achieving success, and it ended up giving me the confidence and positive attitude I needed to persist, to learn from my mistakes, and to grow in the ways I desired.

Three months after I planned for daily self-encouragement, I had my first full-time job as a staff writer at a major publication. That was no coincidence. When I continued my success sequence, do, encourage, persist, it was only another year before I was on each of the major magazines I’d dreamed of writing for.

“In the middle of every difficulty lies opportunity.” Albert Einstein

I gained a following. People began seeking me out for coaching, to help them gain similar success in wherever they wanted to improve their own lives. But more important than anything, I established an identity as my own greatest supporter, which will help me to succeed in anything I set my mind to: marriage, expanding my business, etc. I owe my successes and my career to ten self encouragement checkboxes.

Here’s how to start your self encouragement practice today:

1. Start a morning routine of affirmations

Before your mind can drift to negative thoughts, immediately set yourself to positive affirmations. I mean literally right after you wake up, don’t skip a beat! Pick out the forty affirmations that you need most. “I am worthy, I am persistent, I am successful” and write them down on a 3×5 index card. Then, recite them to yourself in a mirror as soon as you wake up. Keep up the habit until you have all forty memorized.

Once you start this practice you’ll become sensitized to your inner dialogue and you’ll begin to hear everything going on between your ears, including the negative. When you start to hear you beating yourself up, that’s when it’s crucial to fall back on the positive affirmation. You’ll cement this habit by scheduling regular self-encouragement checkins in a daily planner.

2. Create ten checkboxes for self encouragement in your daily planner

If you don’t already have a daily planning habit, you won’t get the life you want until you start planning for it every day. You don’t need to plan much, just your top five to eight goals, and the habits you intend to do every day (self-encouragement being the most important one). After you list your first three or four goals at the top, break the page up with “encourage yourself!”—followed by ten checkboxes.

As you check off your goals, make sure to encourage yourself for your efforts. For example, if one of your goals were to run five miles in the morning, when you check that goal off you’ll immediately applaud yourself and then check off a self-encouragement box. “Thank you so much for taking care of my body and making me feel good about myself, you’re doing awesome!” Check.

When you refer to your planner throughout the day, you’ll notice that there are more checkboxes than you have goals. Use those empty checkboxes as reminders to affirm yourself. “I am generous, kind, patient, uplifting, creative, dependable, perseverant, etc.” Check.

Keep this up over the course of a month and you’ll be on your way to mastering whatever it is you want.  

By holding yourself accountable to a self-encouragement practice, you’ll grow the resilience and confidence you need to persist in the things you love and to master the skills and habits you desire. All it takes is a blank sketchbook and the routine of planning out each of your goals at the beginning of a day, including ten checkboxes for self encouragement.

What self encouragement practices do you do? Comment below!

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The 4 Dimensions of Personal Energy You Need to Adopt to Deliver Extraordinary Results

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Managers tend to look at humans as productivity units. Energy is invested into prioritizing what’s on the to do list, with an attitude of do more and accomplish more. Work is translated into more hours and the human experience tends to be minimized, criticized or diminished.

As the demands of the workplace keep rising, many people respond by increasing their hours at a rapid pace, inevitably leading to burn out that costs both people and business. Many businesses invest in developing people’s knowledge and skills yet very few help build and sustain their capacity – their energy. When you invest in your people, they have greater capacity to make it possible to get more done in less time.

In today’s world, business leaders generally feel it is the employee’s problem to practice healthy behaviors. Given the amount of time people spend at work, a shared responsibility embarks on both the business and the employee. Where possible, workplaces must facilitate the development of healthy practices to create a mutually beneficial and sustainable environment. Individually, you are responsible for how you manage your energy, the workplace is responsible for creating a workplace where people are energized, and their creativity unleashed.

When workplaces invest in their people across all dimensions of their lives, magic happens. People turn up at work energized, more productive, and execute the shared vision to deliver results.

When you are fully energized, you accomplish more in less time. When you feel fulfilled, you become more engaged, effective and contribute without expectation. The human experience includes four dimensions of personal energy that need to be cultivated to increase these levels of energy and deliver extraordinary results across workplaces.

1. We function best when we feel positive

Most people tend to perform best when they feel positive. I’m not talking about the eternal optimist and rah-rah noise, I’m referring to the people who re-fuel their positive energy by identifying their trigger points to what drains their energy and then refocus on a solution. Creating a resourceful functional state where you can think clearly, logically and reflectively.

Building habits into your day avoids you slipping into negative emotions or moving through them quicker. Diffusing emotions through deep breathing, expressing appreciation and gratitude as the brain can only do one thing at a time. Adopting self-reflection techniques such as upgrading the lens approach creates opportunities to refocus your energy – How would l like to see this situation in 3 months’ time? What lessons can l learn from this situation?

“When you are enthusiastic about what you do, you feel this positive energy. It’s very simple.” – Paulo Coelho

2. The human spirit

The human spirit transcends the individual human being. When you are clear about your purpose, what really matters, you focus better, feel more positive and feel a deeper commitment to contributing to humanity. To access the energy of the human spirit, explore what you do best and enjoy most at work and in life. Allocate time and energy to these areas and make a conscious decision to live your core values every day.

3. Sustaining your mental energy

Multitasking is a great way to kill your mental energy. When you lose your focus, or move from one task to the next, you increase the amount of time required to complete the primary task. Building simple rituals into your day can prevent mental fatigue.

Reduce interruptions by allocating uninterruptible 50-minute blocks of time to focus on the one task, respond to emails, voicemails at designated times during the day and identify the most important task for the next day. Robin Sharma, author of The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari, suggests focusing for the next 90 days, the first 90 minutes of your work day on creating your new piece of code that will revolutionize the marketplace.

4. Physical energy

We all need nutrition, exercise, sleep and rest. It is part of the human condition. If you want to sustain your energy levels, the four essential components will increase your energy levels to enable your focus on your single most valuable project and manage your emotions. Your will power may be highest first thing in the morning, your energy may peak in the afternoon or your mental focus may be the sharpest late at night. Capitalize and build a pocket of time so you use your highest value hours for your most valuable activities.

“Energy and persistence conquer all things.” – Benjamin Franklin

Prioritizing healthy eating, engaging in movement activities and committed to deep restful sleep are the keys to sustaining your physical energy. Consistent sleeping times with undisrupted sleep is critical to your ability to maintain your energy levels. Power naps, removal of digital technology from bedrooms and investment in sleep transition activities such as reading non-work-related books, listening to a guided meditation or focusing on breath work are great practices to invest in re-building energy levels.

When you are physically active, mentally agile, emotionally stable and spiritually charged, you can balance different aspects of your life with ease. Adopting rituals to manage your energy on all dimensions daily creates an environment where you are leading you, not the other way around. Manage your energy, not your time.

What techniques do you use to maximize your energy? Comment below!

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