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The 5 Hidden Warning Signs That You Have Low Self Confidence (And HOW to Fix It!!)

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low self esteem low self confidence

I became a Confidence Coach for two reasons: firstly, I feel completely alive when I coach people because I am living my purpose, and secondly, I don’t want others to have to suffer through low self-confidence like I did. Like myself, many people are not even aware that they have major confidence issues, but they are aware that ‘something is wrong’.

If you have core beliefs that undermine your self-confidence, you have probably felt like something has been missing your entire life. It’s a feeling that takes the sweetness out of success, and emphasises the heartbreak of failure. It’s a vague, guilty doubt, always there in the back of your mind, and sometimes in the front when you lie awake at night.

I’ve come to believe that this feeling is the small remaining part inside of you which knows you could be confident. It’s the part of you which smacks its head in despair every time you avoid something, or make excuses, or pretend you don’t want something you secretly desire.

For years I searched for confidence without even knowing that’s what I was searching for. All I knew was that I wanted better from myself and I was sick of being held back by fear. It was only a few years ago that I realised the issue was all to do with self-confidence.

The warning signs were always there – I just didn’t see them because I thought they were normal. I figured everyone either felt the same or else they were simply born differently and weren’t afraid. In a way I was both right and wrong. Yes some people felt the same as me, but that didn’t mean it had to be this way.

So if you are feeling like something is holding you back in life, if you’re frustrated by the sense of missing out, then have a read through this list of warning signs you could be overlooking. Then consider my solutions to these, as tried and tested methods on how to overcome these barriers to inner confidence.

 

1. You feel compelled to check your phone when left alone in social situations

I see this all the time. Two people are at a bar, restaurant or shopping mall and one needs to go to the toilet. The other person quickly comes to the realisation that they are now alone in a public setting. The first instinct is to go to the phone… checking for non-existent text messages or scrolling through Facebook. This is simply to alleviate boredom until the other person returns, right?

Wrong!

I guarantee the reason most people do this is because they feel like they are being judged by the public when they are out in a social situation by themselves. We are terrified by the thought that other people can see that we are by ourselves without a good excuse. This relates, in my experience, to a basic fear of disapproval by others. While in reality nobody even barely cares that you’re by yourself (they’ve got their own fears to deal with!), you feel as if you are the centre of attention.

 

Solution:

You need to prove to yourself that being alone in a social situation does not have any negative consequences. You can only achieve this by actually going out alone. Start small, like having a latte at a busy café by yourself. No checking the phone, no reading magazines, just no distractions whatsoever. Take your time, hey people-watching can be great fun! Once this harmless event is conquered, move up to dining, shopping, movies and bar-hopping alone. Being able to do these things despite the fear will make you more socially confident than 80% of people out there.

 

Super Challenge:

For those of you with mighty balls/ovaries, try going to a party, concert or nightclub alone, and initiate conversations with at least 5 strangers. I predict only about 1-5% of the total human population can do this without alcohol or a firearm pointed at them, so here’s an opportunity to place yourself among the elite of self-confident.

 

2. You’re unable to leave the house looking like crap

This one also relates to being judged by others, but is more specific to our fear of looking unattractive. I was recently in the Gold Coast in Australia and was saddened by the materialistic focus of the locals. Everyone seemed to be as polished and perfect as they could be. They obviously spend hours getting ready, even just to walk to the shops. Must be exhausting!

Looking good for yourself and looking good for others are two completely different concepts. Trying to win the approval of the fickle public with your appearance is a race you are always going to lose, because everyone has different tastes and eventually you will get old and ugly, no matter what. Wouldn’t it be better to not care what others thought of your appearance before that happens?

 

Solution:

In brief, discover your identity and match your ‘look’ to that. Focus on pleasing yourself with your ideal view of what you wish you were, rather than what other people think you should look like. I see myself as leader and an artist, so I like to combine business-wear with tattoos and jewellery. I can look at myself in the mirror and think “You’re looking badass my friend” without caring how others perceive me. I used to wear what people I envied wore!

 

Super Challenge:

Want to end your fear of public humiliation based on appearance for life? Don’t shower or groom yourself for a week. Do not use a mirror or allow yourself to see your reflection for the whole week. Go out in public at least once a day, wearing your worst clothes, such as tacky gym-clothes or mismatching items on purpose. No make-up, accessories, hats or shades (unless they are embarrassing). Yes, you will be judged, but nothing bad will happen. After a week like that, a quick trip to the shops in your PJ’s won’t seem like a big deal.

 

3. You tell ‘white lies’ to keep the peace, avoid conflict, or keep your job

Fear of conflict keeps many people from making improvements in their lives, because it robs them of integrity. Try to imagine being in a position where you have absolutely no secrets and nothing to hide. How would that feel? At first this concept terrified me. Now, I can’t see any other option, because total truth is pure freedom. You’d be amazed at how accepting good people are.

Trying to maintain a conflict-free environment can only be done through dishonesty for most people. It’s hard to build self-confidence when part of you constantly feels guilty about manipulating and lying. Yes, a small white lie to avoid conflict is a manipulative deception, don’t kid yourself about that! Self-confidence and self-belief requires the basic view of yourself as being a ‘good’ person. You need integrity to achieve this state.

 

Solution:

This one is a tricky one isn’t it?! It can seem impossible to be completely honest. The secret is to start small and learn how to deliver the truth safely. In one of my previous articles, I talk about using the BEID model for delivering feedback (see my addicted2success article on Living With Integrity). Using models to safely deliver messages will work as training wheels helping you build up to full disclosure. So start by making a commitment to catch yourself out when you’re about to lie to avoid conflict, and instead try to state your truth in a non-confrontational way.

 

Super Challenge:

Letting people see your weaknesses is the key to overcoming your fear that people will abandon you if you don’t play nice. That fear is what this ‘avoiding conflict’ is really about: wanting people to like you. If you really want to let go of your fear of conflict, you first need to let go of your fear that people will react negatively to the Real You, with all your flaws and vulnerability. If you want to flood this fear through exposure, try telling a safe person your biggest darkest secrets. Leave nothing out, including the things about yourself which shame you. If that goes ok, do it again with someone else. I’ve heard support groups are fantastic for this process.

 

4. Stressful situations have you reaching for substances or sex

How you cope with stress is a great measure of self-confidence. Those who face it head on and fight through the battle build confidence quickly. Those who use the distractions of mind and body are just avoiding conflict, pain and failure due to fear. The most common ‘crutches’ I’ve seen for avoiding facing fear are nicotine, alcohol, illicit drugs, shopping, and compulsive sexual behaviour.

There is a huge difference between blowing off steam vs. hiding from your demons. When you reach for a pleasure-enhancing tool to avoid the pain of a situation, you are confirming to yourself that you cannot handle it. That’s hardly going to build your confidence is it?

 

Solution:

The simple truth is that you CAN handle it. But like the social isolation fear discussed earlier, the only way you will believe you can handle stressful situations is by handling stressful situations! Even when it doesn’t work out in your favour you can still say ‘I survived’, and that’s the key to self-confidence: ability to rely on yourself. So next time you are feeling particularly down or anxious about a situation, make a promise to yourself that you will not use any ‘crutch’ to get through it; you will face it on its own terms until it’s done. Then just note how easy and pain-free it actually was compared to how you predicted it going.

 

Super Challenge:

Forsake all coping crutches for two whole months. No substances, no sex or masturbation as a coping mechanism (positive sexual experiences based on good emotions are fine), no hitting the boxing bag to ‘work out’ your anger. Just clean living and facing your issues head-on without flinching or needing anything. Using other people for support is fine, the more the merrier, but you should be able to do it without them too if needed.

 

5. You mind-read

Is there anyone out there who doesn’t do this? I doubt it. ‘Mind-reading’ is when you try to guess or assume what a person is thinking. This mostly comes from a negative place, where you are trying to avoid their disapproval, conflict, or you are hateful towards them and need to justify it. All of these reasons are fear-based. A truly confident person does not mind-read because if they want to know what someone is thinking, they will ask. If they don’t ask, it’s because they don’t care. Simple life right?

Mind-reading causes huge problems. You can spend a whole night lying awake, fretting over why your crush was so cold to you at work, without realising that they were simply distracted by a family crisis and didn’t even notice you. Or you can develop a raw hatred towards someone because you think they are condescending towards you, when really they just have a facial bone-structure that makes them appear haughty and they’re actually shy around you because you intimidate them.

 

Solution:

Stop mind reading! It really is that simple. But of course to get out of this habit, you can follow a process. Try this for a week: every time you catch yourself assuming what another person is thinking, try to imagine an alternative and opposite explanation. For example, if you think someone is judging you for being shy, try imagining that they are actually admiring you for staying calm.

Force yourself to keep doing this until you really start questioning your ability to read minds, because I have a newsflash for you: YOU SUCK AT IT! We all do. I’m a coach with a psych degree and more than 7 years’ experience in rehabilitating offenders, and I still don’t have the slightest clue what people are thinking most of the time. That’s why I ask and reflect.

 

Super Challenge:

Ask people what they are thinking every time you find yourself mind-reading. Be really honest with your assumptions and even tell them you are trying to break a mind-reading habit (they will totally identify with the problem because they do it too, guaranteed). You might say something like ‘Hey John, I noticed you look a bit down today, I’m starting to feel nervous that you’re mad at me about something’. Yes, this can occasionally cause conflict, but at least it will end in truth rather than miscommunication, bitterness and lost opportunities.

 

Conclusion

I have done all of these super challenges myself, some of which I live with to this day (like the last one). I would not recommend them unless I was sure they work. They’ve worked for me and my clients alike, some of whom gave me these ideas. If you really want that nagging voice of guilt and low self-esteem to go away for good, then working on building your confidence and facing your fears is the path you need to take. You could spend 10 years searching for it, like I did, or you can try to chip away at these warning signs and make much quicker progress.

The choice is yours. Try asking yourself:

“What do I want to think of myself in 10 years from now? How much longer will I wait to put an end to my confidence issues?”

 

Dan is a lifestyle and success coach, with his own company The Inspirational Lifestyle Ltd. He lives in Auckland, New Zealand, and loves to share his advice and opinions on how to attain success. Make sure you checkout more of Dans articles at: TheInspirationalLifestyle.com

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41 Comments

41 Comments

  1. Viky

    Jul 23, 2016 at 2:47 pm

    Hey Dan, Thanks for the tips.I am very motivated to apply these tips in my daily lifestyle. I am 20 years old and think I am in this condition from 2 to 3 years. And it has affected me in a lot of bad ways. I am strting this with commenting this time

  2. akhil satheesh

    Aug 11, 2015 at 12:33 pm

    Great read sir. Could see myself in there, in all the examples u used.

  3. Justin

    Apr 20, 2015 at 6:45 am

    I’m 35 and all my life I’ve had severe confidence problems along with no friends and extreme isolation. Work has gotten unusually stressful lately and I keep thinking management is trying to put me in a situation where they can disempower me first and then fire me. This brings me down, so far down I feel like contemplating suicide because I have no one I can turn to for support when things get really tough. There’s no one out there I can confide in, and as always i am forced to just sleep it off and hope these manic polarizing feelings just go away.

  4. fhdfh

    Feb 23, 2015 at 3:44 pm

    i did what u said in my own life actually. i went ahead and did all these things i was afraid of and i ended up losing all my friends, all respect and the little confidence i had left in me. i guess i am the biggest freak anyone’s ever met. my fear of abandonment were confirmed over and over. i don’t think these are good ideas. there is a reason a human brain feels like it should be a certain way in cirtain situations and people. i still regret what happened till this day. if i knew the outcome, i would of never done these things and would of still had friends. i was afraid of this- of dying alone and when i went ahead and been honest with others, thats exactly what ended up happening.

    • Milan

      Dec 2, 2016 at 6:56 am

      I had the same problem. People started getting intimidated by the amount of confidence that I had. I lost one friend. I always had that “what if?” gut feeling. SO, MY CONFIDENCE IS UNABLE TO PRESENT IT SELF. It had been quite tough for me to expose my confidence because I feel like people will think I am projecting too much. The last time I had confidence people stared at me awfully and started whispering to each other.

      • Angus

        May 10, 2017 at 8:50 am

        But if you were confident, you wouldn’t care what they were whispering about

  5. Omo

    Jan 13, 2015 at 9:35 am

    I was searching related to the topic self confidence because i have issues regarding this one and I found this and I think all of these warning signs applies to me, especially that mind reading one and constantly checking my phone. I’m a graduating student, high school and I always feel like I’m being judged inside the classroom as in ALL THE TIME. I always assume people are looking at me that’s why my movements are limited and I try to becareful of what I do. I sit in front and I don’t look back because I’m too shy to do so. I’m a person who looks around and when me and someone make eye contact, I always assume that maybe he or she thinks im weird because he or she thinks i always look at him or her. Plus i’m always the target when me and my friends bully each other. Not in a bad way but I think it’s because I don’t stand up for myself. I’m always looking down when inside the classroom that’s why i didnt get to concentrate in class because I’m always assuming someone is judging and looking at me in class…. I don’t even know what to do anymore and I sometimes cry because of this confidence issue..

  6. Jo

    May 8, 2014 at 2:15 pm

    Hi Dan
    I have just read your post, most of the time went I am alone in the party I try to take a look at my phone and try to distract my self and I really feel low most of the time even when I am out with my friends most the time. Feels like et I don’t care about look

    • Desmond

      Jul 10, 2014 at 5:46 pm

      Hi Dan,
      How would you suggest I apply some of these tactics to deal with a narcissistic father who will take every bit of opportunity to bring me down? I am talking about the kind who is successful and status oriented. The kind who will discourage you to dream Big and become ambitious, while he himself made it Big in his profession.

      Kind Regards,
      Desmond

      • Dan Munro

        Jul 20, 2014 at 5:15 am

        Hey Desmond, I’d need to know more about you. But one thing I can say for sure is that status is something we give to other people. He can only bring you down if YOU see him as being above you.

        Try imagining that he is lashing out at you because of his own fears. What might those fears be? What caused them? Do they actually have anything to do with you, or is it his problem? What would life be like if you saw him as someone who is scared rather than intimidating?

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Life

I Want To Be Happy – Only With You

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I only want to be happy with you.

I want you to find love and not be single for the rest of your life because you’ve told me how much you want to settle down and have a family one-day. I know how much you enjoy the company of an intelligent partner who knows how to have a proper conversation. I want to be that partner.

I want you to have time to talk before breakfast and enjoy a healthy meal with me, so you have loads of energy to live your day with passion. I want you to have time to tell me about your workday and what inspired you. I want to hear about how you’ve empowered others to chase their dreams.

I want you to tell me about how you went for drinks after work and had way too many red wines. To tell me the smallest detail about your day knowing that I will still be fascinated because of how much I care about you.

I want to smile when I get a message from you knowing that you inserted the maximum amount of emoji’s and that I will do my best to compete and add in more with my own reply. I’ll try my best to add in even more crazy emoji’s so that you have to think very carefully about what I am trying to say and what each emoji means. Our emoji game can be like a never-ending puzzle that we spend the rest of our lives trying to solve.

I want us to travel all around the world and experience new cultures together. I want us to go to places that scare the hell out of us and defy the ridiculous terrorism warnings that stop people going to beautiful cities like Paris.

“I don’t want us to live in fear; I want us to live with passion”

As part of that travel dream, I want to whisk you away when you least expect it and take you somewhere that will help you remember me forever, even after I’m gone. I want you to have one special place where you can remember me for a single moment and know that I will always be with you. I want that place to make us both smile when we think of it. I want to make these crazy dreams with you.

I want you to feel like you can do whatever you want and there is nothing holding you back. I want you to feel as free as a bird flying over the sea without a care in the world. I want you to know that I will always move obstacles out of your way so you can feel that sense of freedom.

I want to stay home from work when you have the flu and make you yummy soup, even if it means I get sick with you, and we both have to stay home. I want to take you to the doctor’s office when you’re unwell and conquer any medical issue with you. I want us always to believe in hope if the worst happens.

I want to be there for you no matter what.

When our parents are eventually gone one day, I want us both to never forget them. To never forget the dreams they had for our lives and the difference they made. While they may not have got everything always right, they did their best. We’ve both had struggles with a difficult sibling, but that’s not their fault. For their sake, we will do our best to have a relationship with our siblings even if it’s hard. The result of that struggle is the one thing that would make both of our parents proud and we owe them that at the very least.

I may be still single right now, but one day I will find you and we will live happily ever after. That’s a promise to you and to my future self.

If you want to increase your productivity and learn some more valuable life hacks, then join my private mailing list on timdenning.net

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3 Ways You Can Awaken Your Positive Spirit

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positivity

It’s 5:30 in the morning, your alarm rings. Do you feel like waking up? Heck no! The pillow is your best friend and at this moment, you wouldn’t mind breaking your phone to shut it up. Nonetheless, responsibilities are calling you. You roll out of bed, making it all the way to the bathroom. It takes you one shower and a giant cup of coffee to wake up.

You hit the road. No gas in the car and you are already running late. You stop at the gas station, rush in the door when you realize you forgot your wallet at home. Current mood: the bomb before the explosion approached by the mental breakdown. Can you resonate?

So, here comes the question. What do you do when nothing seems to go right? Do you bow your head down and get into “Why is this happening to me” mindset? Or do you step up and look at the bright side even when it is hard to spot it?

A positive attitude is a heartwarming topic for me because, for many years, I lived on the negative side. Only by experiencing pain and emptiness, did I start to understand the power of positive thinking in life. The best part is, you can make this switch too.

Here are 3 ways you can awaken your positive spirit in any negative moment:

1. Motion Creates Emotion

Imagine your regular day. You wake up, get ready and head to work. Throughout the day, you deal with all kinds of problems and challenges. Deadlines for your big projects are catching up and your mom just called you, crying that her dog is sick and it doesn’t look good. You work your butt off and by 5pm you are in something that I call exhaustion state. But wait, there is a gym hang out tonight at 7 pm. You already promised your buddy John that you will be there so you show up.

You grab your headset and step on the running belt while playing your favorite song or compilation of motivational speeches. Within 15 minutes of motion, you are feeling better. Your pulse is rising and you start running faster. After 30 minutes of motion and intense exercise, the entire exhaustion is gone and you feel great. Suddenly, the day doesn’t seem so bad and you feel pretty good about yourself. How come? Because of motion.

Every motion creates emotion. One of the things I started to do when I felt under the weather was to exercise or jump and say YES for 60 seconds. I put my hands up like a champ who just won the gold cup and smile. Of course, it looks totally crazy so you won’t see me doing it but the change of my mental state happens in an instant.

“I’m not going to get somewhere and say, ‘OK, I’m done.’ Success is never final; I’ll just keep on going. The same way as failure never being fatal. Just keep going. I’m going to the stars and then past them.” – Conor McGregor

2. Positivity Focus

Let’s take a look at this scenario. One day, two big events. The first is good. You finally closed that deal with a very important client which you were focusing on for months. Great success. But then, you receive an email. It’s from the car company where you applied for your dream car. Unfortunately, your credit score is just a few numbers below their required limit so your application is denied. The question is: Which one are you going to focus on?

The art of happiness isn’t in not having problems or not experiencing losses along the way, it’s all about perspective and your ability to focus on the gains. Life balances itself. I can tell you right now, with solid confidence that you won’t always get what you want or when you want it. Life will often welcome you with re-battles. If you can see your glass half full when things don’t go your way, your positive attitude will save you each and every time.

3. Contribution

Okay, now you may be thinking “What’s up with contribution in this article when we talk about the positive attitude?” I get it so let me explain. Contribution has a highly positive impact on your mental health.

When you give and share, more than likely you’ll receive gratitude from the other person. It makes you feel useful, important and grateful as well. Why? Because there comes the time when you’ll recognize all those things you are taking for granted while others are dying to have or experience them. That’s why we tend to feel more grateful when we contribute.

Gratitude activates positive emotions and directs your focus on the good things. You give and receive at the same time. I call this a double victory.

A positive attitude is both, a corny and classy topic. It becomes corny since we hear it all the time but it stays classy because it always works and definitely saves you from living in misery. Even when you don’t always get what you want, with a positive spirit it will feel like you do.

“It’s not how much we give but how much love we put into giving.” – Mother Teresa

How do you stay upbeat in moments where nothing seems to be going your way? Please let us know by commenting below!

Image courtesy of Twenty20.com

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3 Things to Pay Attention to When Building Your Own Personal Brand

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Who are you? Not your name or your business or even what your ethics are, but who are you in the sense of what people see when they look at you? Does your name and your business bring happiness to the minds of people who hear it? Does it bring anger? Does it bring peace and joy? Does it bring sadness?

How people feel when they think of you is your personal brand. We all know who Gary Vaynerchuk, Tony Robbins, and Robert Kiyosaki are. These people have built huge reputations for themselves. We also know who Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong-un, and Adolf Hitler are. These people have also build reputations for themselves; very different reputations than the first names I listed.

When you read these names, a different feeling comes to mind, so below are 3 ways on how to evoke positive emotions when people hear your name:

1. Envoke the senses

First lets understand what a brand is. A brand is a product or service that invokes a feeling or emotion. Building a brand is all about invoking the senses of your Customers, you don’t want people to think of your brand and only think of the logo. We want people to have a scent that reminds them of you, a sight like a logo, and a feel that reminds them of not only your brand, but of you as well.

When people think of your company, what do you want them to think of? What emotion do you want to inspire in your customer base, and what can help you inspire that emotion? When creating your personal brand, you want to invoke all five senses of your target audience. If you own a coffee shop, when people walk in you want them to smell coffee, their mouth to water when they think of fresh pastries, their ears to perk up when they hear the beans being ground up.

“I force people to have coffee with me, just because I don’t trust that a friendship can be maintained without any other senses besides a computer or cellphone screen.” – John Cusack

To create your brand you can’t only think about what you want associated with your business, but also what you don’t want associated with it. Think back to the coffee instead of smelling coffee and pastries, how would you feel about walking in and smelling bleach? Would you rather go to the first coffee shop or the second one?

Think of ways to create a positive experience when a customer walks in by bringing a scent to people, or an interesting sight as they walk through the door. These things will all eventually become part of your brand in the sense that when people think of them, they will think of you.

2. Attractive marketing

Marketing is an amazing way to help boost your company’s sales. But marketing can also hurt your business if it isn’t done correctly. Have you ever given someone your email or phone number and had him or her relentlessly spam you trying to get your business? When someone does that, do you want to use their service, or do you want to throw your phone at the wall every time they message you? When building a brand you also want to think of ways to make your business, and marketing plans more attractive.  

This goes back to what you want people to think of when they think of your brand. Small things can go a long way in creating an attractive image for you and your company. Attractive marketing doesn’t stop at just ads, and endorsement. Thinking of ways to portray yourself in a positive light will help as well. It’s natural to think a person would be doing business with a company, but each customer is doing business with you directly. Now think back to a time you were in a store and had terrible customer service. How likely are you to go back to that store?

Even if that company employs thousands of people, the one bad experience you had with one employee could actually prevent you from going back. People are more likely to go somewhere they think of in a positive light, some place that reminds them of a good experience. A personal brand is not only a brand for your company or product, but it is also a way of branding yourself. The goal of marketing and creating a personal brand should be, to get your customer base to feel like they know you personally.

3. Build with social media

Social media is a great way to get your clients to feel like they know you personally. When a client feels like they know you, like you, and can trust you, they are more likely to buy whatever you are selling. People buy based off of person, product and price. So having that personal relationship with a client can go a long way, especially if they don’t know a lot about the product or price. There are tons of social media platforms to reach your customer base, but what platform gives the most personal, and honest form of your business?

One of the most surprising ways to build fans of your brand is podcasts. A podcast lets your audience hear your voice and speaking your opinions exactly how you meant them to be said. The more a person feels like they know you, the more likely they are to feel like they can trust you, your recommendations on products, and investments.

“Social media is not just an activity; it is an investment of valuable time and resources. Surround yourself with people who not just support you and stay with you, but inform your thinking about ways to WOW your online presence” – Sean Gardner

Unlike most social media platforms, podcasts don’t require someone to scroll through an endless feed, or pay attention to their phone or computer. For a podcast all you have to do is throw on a playlist and listen away while you are driving, cleaning, or just doing day-to-day tasks. The main goal is once you have a playlist of podcasts, someone only needs to hear one, let the playlist go, and suddenly be hooked on your opinions and advice.

You have the power to evoke emotions and feelings from people. In every moment of your life you are building your personal brand. Every time you interact with people and every thing you say makes up how people think and feel about both you and your products/services. When it comes to building your brand, the opportunities are endless but what I stated above is the perfect place to begin that journey. Always remember to create a brand to help your company speak for itself.

How do you make sure people understand who you are and follow you? Let us know by commenting below!
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15 Ways to Avoid Regret at the End of Your Life

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Most people live their lives in regret. If you have ever had the misfortune of experiencing regret, it is not a nice thing to experience. You must do the things you need to do to avoid regrets in your life.

At the point when individuals think back on their lives, what are the most widely recognized regrets they have? That is a significant inquiry we have to stop and ask all the more regularly. A few people think back and say the greatest regret they had was to not have kids. Others think back and say their greatest regret was in regards to lost time.

Whatever the case, it’s critical to take a look at how you are carrying on with your life and consider how you can avoid regrets.

Here are 15 ways to avoid regrets later on in your life:

1. Don’t follow someone else’s dreams

So many of us are living other people’s dreams such as our parents, guardians and other authoritative figures in our lives. We all have dreams and should endeavor to follow those dreams to the latter irrespective of what others may think. You can’t please everyone and should look to only please yourself and do what is right for you.

2. Stop taking your loved ones for granted

Your children won’t be children forever and will grow up to become adults and not have time for you as much. They may never even call and your parents will not be parents forever, they will leave you someday. So make sure you endeavor to spend every waking moment with them and appreciate them while you still have the opportunity to do so.

3. Stop pretending to be someone else

Imitation is suicide. When we pretend to be someone we are not, we are spending so much time not being who we are and in that situation, we are spending a whole lot of time not living. You are the person you know very well and if you spend your time living someone else’s life you will only end up being a copycat instead of being the very best you could be as well as being number one at it.

The most inspiring people in the world are true to themselves and when you are true to yourself, you will be at ease. This tends to attract like-minded people into your life which help you live a more fulfilling life.

4. Don’t burn all your bridges

Life is a journey of ups and downs, and you will have to be kind to people on your way up because you will meet them on your way down. Don’t burn the bridges of your past as you may need them later in life.

5. Always tell the truth

Lies destroy families and relationships. When you tell a lie you will have to back that lie with another and another until you have a whole tangled web of lies that cannot be remedied even if you want to. True relationships have their foundation in the truth and lasts forever. Always endeavour to tell the truth in every situation as telling a lie can lead to future regrets.

6. Live in the moment

Have you ever noticed that when you were a kid time seemed to be really slow and now that you are an adult, time moves really fast? That is because as kids, we always lived in the moment and as adults, we are always thinking of our next scheme, idea or business that time just seems to fly past us. Take your time to experience the now as you may regret it later in the future when you look into the mirror and ask where all the time went.

“All I have is all I need and all I need is all I have in this moment.” – Byron Katie

7. Don’t give up on true love

This is one of the biggest areas of regret for most people as they reject love because of fear, work or other excuses they give themselves. When you happen to find true and real love, cherish and nurture it well so that you don’t end up regretting it in the future.

8. Make others happy

The mark of a true existence is in the ability to make other people’s lives better and easier. Strive to make people happy and you will be happy yourself. A mid-life crisis is mainly made up of regrets and one way to alleviate this regret is to find a way to make people’s lives better. Do something good for someone such as engaging in volunteer work. In the end, it is not about your possessions but how many lives you touched.

9. Stand up for yourself

Many adults have always regretted not standing up for themselves when they had the opportunity to do so. Do not let people take you or any other person for that matter for granted. When I resumed secondary school there was this kid who tried to bully me. I warned him on many occasions to leave me alone and when he refused I had to punch him in the face.

He punched me back but never disturbed me again. Not that I am advocating violence but when someone tries to take advantage of you, fight back. Then they will know that you cannot be toiled with.

10. Take care of your health

It cannot be emphasized enough that health is wealth. You can have all the money in the world but without your health, it is nothing. Make sure you have a regular check-up and exercise and eat right.

11. Experience more

This is one of the greatest regrets of the dying because they wished they had experienced more out of life. Travel, go out with friends, see places and experience life because that’s what we are supposed to do while being alive, live.

12. Listen more

Surely, we all have lots to say but it is better when we listen. Listen to your spouse, listen to your kids and listen to your friends instead of talking all the time. Listen to the advice of your doctors and parents, family members and well wishers.

13. Don’t fear failure

Dare. Don’t be afraid to fail and take risks. On their death beds, most people always regret not taking chances on life and doing what they wanted to do and follow their dreams.

Don’t fear failure. Not failure, but low aim, is the crime. In great attempts it is glorious even to fail.” Bruce Lee

14. Don’t wait

There is no time again, if you have a dream, chase it. If there’s someone you like, let them know because you will always come second to someone who has taken the initiative to do something with their lives.

15. Talk to an elderly person

Old people regret lots of things and talking to them, they will tell you what to do and what not to do. Unfortunately, most of us see our old people as outdated and think that old people have nothing to teach us. If you hope on avoiding regrets in the future, make sure you listen to the advice of those better than you.

What are you doing on a daily basis to make sure you reach the end of your life fulfilled? Let us know by commenting below!
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The Ugly Truth About Success and Why You’re Not Achieving It

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As human beings, most of us have this tendency to overcomplicate things. Maybe you’ve had this experience of trying to find success, but for some reason, it keeps eluding you.  In our pursuit to win, hardly anyone tells us the ugly truth about why most of our dreams seem to evade us. (more…)

I used to be homeless and now run a six figure business with my partner and travel the world. My journey to help those in need has taken me from non-profit director to supporting holistic entrepreneurs have a life of freedom. I run the Thriving Launch Podcast, which features the most influential leaders in the areas of love, spirituality, business, and success. It's my mission to help heart-centered entrepreneurs get their message heard. Learn more on at my website ThrivingLaunch.com (http://www.thrivinglaunch.com/)

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41 Comments

41 Comments

  1. Viky

    Jul 23, 2016 at 2:47 pm

    Hey Dan, Thanks for the tips.I am very motivated to apply these tips in my daily lifestyle. I am 20 years old and think I am in this condition from 2 to 3 years. And it has affected me in a lot of bad ways. I am strting this with commenting this time

  2. akhil satheesh

    Aug 11, 2015 at 12:33 pm

    Great read sir. Could see myself in there, in all the examples u used.

  3. Justin

    Apr 20, 2015 at 6:45 am

    I’m 35 and all my life I’ve had severe confidence problems along with no friends and extreme isolation. Work has gotten unusually stressful lately and I keep thinking management is trying to put me in a situation where they can disempower me first and then fire me. This brings me down, so far down I feel like contemplating suicide because I have no one I can turn to for support when things get really tough. There’s no one out there I can confide in, and as always i am forced to just sleep it off and hope these manic polarizing feelings just go away.

  4. fhdfh

    Feb 23, 2015 at 3:44 pm

    i did what u said in my own life actually. i went ahead and did all these things i was afraid of and i ended up losing all my friends, all respect and the little confidence i had left in me. i guess i am the biggest freak anyone’s ever met. my fear of abandonment were confirmed over and over. i don’t think these are good ideas. there is a reason a human brain feels like it should be a certain way in cirtain situations and people. i still regret what happened till this day. if i knew the outcome, i would of never done these things and would of still had friends. i was afraid of this- of dying alone and when i went ahead and been honest with others, thats exactly what ended up happening.

    • Milan

      Dec 2, 2016 at 6:56 am

      I had the same problem. People started getting intimidated by the amount of confidence that I had. I lost one friend. I always had that “what if?” gut feeling. SO, MY CONFIDENCE IS UNABLE TO PRESENT IT SELF. It had been quite tough for me to expose my confidence because I feel like people will think I am projecting too much. The last time I had confidence people stared at me awfully and started whispering to each other.

      • Angus

        May 10, 2017 at 8:50 am

        But if you were confident, you wouldn’t care what they were whispering about

  5. Omo

    Jan 13, 2015 at 9:35 am

    I was searching related to the topic self confidence because i have issues regarding this one and I found this and I think all of these warning signs applies to me, especially that mind reading one and constantly checking my phone. I’m a graduating student, high school and I always feel like I’m being judged inside the classroom as in ALL THE TIME. I always assume people are looking at me that’s why my movements are limited and I try to becareful of what I do. I sit in front and I don’t look back because I’m too shy to do so. I’m a person who looks around and when me and someone make eye contact, I always assume that maybe he or she thinks im weird because he or she thinks i always look at him or her. Plus i’m always the target when me and my friends bully each other. Not in a bad way but I think it’s because I don’t stand up for myself. I’m always looking down when inside the classroom that’s why i didnt get to concentrate in class because I’m always assuming someone is judging and looking at me in class…. I don’t even know what to do anymore and I sometimes cry because of this confidence issue..

  6. Jo

    May 8, 2014 at 2:15 pm

    Hi Dan
    I have just read your post, most of the time went I am alone in the party I try to take a look at my phone and try to distract my self and I really feel low most of the time even when I am out with my friends most the time. Feels like et I don’t care about look

    • Desmond

      Jul 10, 2014 at 5:46 pm

      Hi Dan,
      How would you suggest I apply some of these tactics to deal with a narcissistic father who will take every bit of opportunity to bring me down? I am talking about the kind who is successful and status oriented. The kind who will discourage you to dream Big and become ambitious, while he himself made it Big in his profession.

      Kind Regards,
      Desmond

      • Dan Munro

        Jul 20, 2014 at 5:15 am

        Hey Desmond, I’d need to know more about you. But one thing I can say for sure is that status is something we give to other people. He can only bring you down if YOU see him as being above you.

        Try imagining that he is lashing out at you because of his own fears. What might those fears be? What caused them? Do they actually have anything to do with you, or is it his problem? What would life be like if you saw him as someone who is scared rather than intimidating?

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Life

I Want To Be Happy – Only With You

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I only want to be happy with you.

I want you to find love and not be single for the rest of your life because you’ve told me how much you want to settle down and have a family one-day. I know how much you enjoy the company of an intelligent partner who knows how to have a proper conversation. I want to be that partner.

I want you to have time to talk before breakfast and enjoy a healthy meal with me, so you have loads of energy to live your day with passion. I want you to have time to tell me about your workday and what inspired you. I want to hear about how you’ve empowered others to chase their dreams.

I want you to tell me about how you went for drinks after work and had way too many red wines. To tell me the smallest detail about your day knowing that I will still be fascinated because of how much I care about you.

I want to smile when I get a message from you knowing that you inserted the maximum amount of emoji’s and that I will do my best to compete and add in more with my own reply. I’ll try my best to add in even more crazy emoji’s so that you have to think very carefully about what I am trying to say and what each emoji means. Our emoji game can be like a never-ending puzzle that we spend the rest of our lives trying to solve.

I want us to travel all around the world and experience new cultures together. I want us to go to places that scare the hell out of us and defy the ridiculous terrorism warnings that stop people going to beautiful cities like Paris.

“I don’t want us to live in fear; I want us to live with passion”

As part of that travel dream, I want to whisk you away when you least expect it and take you somewhere that will help you remember me forever, even after I’m gone. I want you to have one special place where you can remember me for a single moment and know that I will always be with you. I want that place to make us both smile when we think of it. I want to make these crazy dreams with you.

I want you to feel like you can do whatever you want and there is nothing holding you back. I want you to feel as free as a bird flying over the sea without a care in the world. I want you to know that I will always move obstacles out of your way so you can feel that sense of freedom.

I want to stay home from work when you have the flu and make you yummy soup, even if it means I get sick with you, and we both have to stay home. I want to take you to the doctor’s office when you’re unwell and conquer any medical issue with you. I want us always to believe in hope if the worst happens.

I want to be there for you no matter what.

When our parents are eventually gone one day, I want us both to never forget them. To never forget the dreams they had for our lives and the difference they made. While they may not have got everything always right, they did their best. We’ve both had struggles with a difficult sibling, but that’s not their fault. For their sake, we will do our best to have a relationship with our siblings even if it’s hard. The result of that struggle is the one thing that would make both of our parents proud and we owe them that at the very least.

I may be still single right now, but one day I will find you and we will live happily ever after. That’s a promise to you and to my future self.

If you want to increase your productivity and learn some more valuable life hacks, then join my private mailing list on timdenning.net

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Life

3 Ways You Can Awaken Your Positive Spirit

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It’s 5:30 in the morning, your alarm rings. Do you feel like waking up? Heck no! The pillow is your best friend and at this moment, you wouldn’t mind breaking your phone to shut it up. Nonetheless, responsibilities are calling you. You roll out of bed, making it all the way to the bathroom. It takes you one shower and a giant cup of coffee to wake up.

You hit the road. No gas in the car and you are already running late. You stop at the gas station, rush in the door when you realize you forgot your wallet at home. Current mood: the bomb before the explosion approached by the mental breakdown. Can you resonate?

So, here comes the question. What do you do when nothing seems to go right? Do you bow your head down and get into “Why is this happening to me” mindset? Or do you step up and look at the bright side even when it is hard to spot it?

A positive attitude is a heartwarming topic for me because, for many years, I lived on the negative side. Only by experiencing pain and emptiness, did I start to understand the power of positive thinking in life. The best part is, you can make this switch too.

Here are 3 ways you can awaken your positive spirit in any negative moment:

1. Motion Creates Emotion

Imagine your regular day. You wake up, get ready and head to work. Throughout the day, you deal with all kinds of problems and challenges. Deadlines for your big projects are catching up and your mom just called you, crying that her dog is sick and it doesn’t look good. You work your butt off and by 5pm you are in something that I call exhaustion state. But wait, there is a gym hang out tonight at 7 pm. You already promised your buddy John that you will be there so you show up.

You grab your headset and step on the running belt while playing your favorite song or compilation of motivational speeches. Within 15 minutes of motion, you are feeling better. Your pulse is rising and you start running faster. After 30 minutes of motion and intense exercise, the entire exhaustion is gone and you feel great. Suddenly, the day doesn’t seem so bad and you feel pretty good about yourself. How come? Because of motion.

Every motion creates emotion. One of the things I started to do when I felt under the weather was to exercise or jump and say YES for 60 seconds. I put my hands up like a champ who just won the gold cup and smile. Of course, it looks totally crazy so you won’t see me doing it but the change of my mental state happens in an instant.

“I’m not going to get somewhere and say, ‘OK, I’m done.’ Success is never final; I’ll just keep on going. The same way as failure never being fatal. Just keep going. I’m going to the stars and then past them.” – Conor McGregor

2. Positivity Focus

Let’s take a look at this scenario. One day, two big events. The first is good. You finally closed that deal with a very important client which you were focusing on for months. Great success. But then, you receive an email. It’s from the car company where you applied for your dream car. Unfortunately, your credit score is just a few numbers below their required limit so your application is denied. The question is: Which one are you going to focus on?

The art of happiness isn’t in not having problems or not experiencing losses along the way, it’s all about perspective and your ability to focus on the gains. Life balances itself. I can tell you right now, with solid confidence that you won’t always get what you want or when you want it. Life will often welcome you with re-battles. If you can see your glass half full when things don’t go your way, your positive attitude will save you each and every time.

3. Contribution

Okay, now you may be thinking “What’s up with contribution in this article when we talk about the positive attitude?” I get it so let me explain. Contribution has a highly positive impact on your mental health.

When you give and share, more than likely you’ll receive gratitude from the other person. It makes you feel useful, important and grateful as well. Why? Because there comes the time when you’ll recognize all those things you are taking for granted while others are dying to have or experience them. That’s why we tend to feel more grateful when we contribute.

Gratitude activates positive emotions and directs your focus on the good things. You give and receive at the same time. I call this a double victory.

A positive attitude is both, a corny and classy topic. It becomes corny since we hear it all the time but it stays classy because it always works and definitely saves you from living in misery. Even when you don’t always get what you want, with a positive spirit it will feel like you do.

“It’s not how much we give but how much love we put into giving.” – Mother Teresa

How do you stay upbeat in moments where nothing seems to be going your way? Please let us know by commenting below!

Image courtesy of Twenty20.com

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Life

3 Things to Pay Attention to When Building Your Own Personal Brand

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Who are you? Not your name or your business or even what your ethics are, but who are you in the sense of what people see when they look at you? Does your name and your business bring happiness to the minds of people who hear it? Does it bring anger? Does it bring peace and joy? Does it bring sadness?

How people feel when they think of you is your personal brand. We all know who Gary Vaynerchuk, Tony Robbins, and Robert Kiyosaki are. These people have built huge reputations for themselves. We also know who Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong-un, and Adolf Hitler are. These people have also build reputations for themselves; very different reputations than the first names I listed.

When you read these names, a different feeling comes to mind, so below are 3 ways on how to evoke positive emotions when people hear your name:

1. Envoke the senses

First lets understand what a brand is. A brand is a product or service that invokes a feeling or emotion. Building a brand is all about invoking the senses of your Customers, you don’t want people to think of your brand and only think of the logo. We want people to have a scent that reminds them of you, a sight like a logo, and a feel that reminds them of not only your brand, but of you as well.

When people think of your company, what do you want them to think of? What emotion do you want to inspire in your customer base, and what can help you inspire that emotion? When creating your personal brand, you want to invoke all five senses of your target audience. If you own a coffee shop, when people walk in you want them to smell coffee, their mouth to water when they think of fresh pastries, their ears to perk up when they hear the beans being ground up.

“I force people to have coffee with me, just because I don’t trust that a friendship can be maintained without any other senses besides a computer or cellphone screen.” – John Cusack

To create your brand you can’t only think about what you want associated with your business, but also what you don’t want associated with it. Think back to the coffee instead of smelling coffee and pastries, how would you feel about walking in and smelling bleach? Would you rather go to the first coffee shop or the second one?

Think of ways to create a positive experience when a customer walks in by bringing a scent to people, or an interesting sight as they walk through the door. These things will all eventually become part of your brand in the sense that when people think of them, they will think of you.

2. Attractive marketing

Marketing is an amazing way to help boost your company’s sales. But marketing can also hurt your business if it isn’t done correctly. Have you ever given someone your email or phone number and had him or her relentlessly spam you trying to get your business? When someone does that, do you want to use their service, or do you want to throw your phone at the wall every time they message you? When building a brand you also want to think of ways to make your business, and marketing plans more attractive.  

This goes back to what you want people to think of when they think of your brand. Small things can go a long way in creating an attractive image for you and your company. Attractive marketing doesn’t stop at just ads, and endorsement. Thinking of ways to portray yourself in a positive light will help as well. It’s natural to think a person would be doing business with a company, but each customer is doing business with you directly. Now think back to a time you were in a store and had terrible customer service. How likely are you to go back to that store?

Even if that company employs thousands of people, the one bad experience you had with one employee could actually prevent you from going back. People are more likely to go somewhere they think of in a positive light, some place that reminds them of a good experience. A personal brand is not only a brand for your company or product, but it is also a way of branding yourself. The goal of marketing and creating a personal brand should be, to get your customer base to feel like they know you personally.

3. Build with social media

Social media is a great way to get your clients to feel like they know you personally. When a client feels like they know you, like you, and can trust you, they are more likely to buy whatever you are selling. People buy based off of person, product and price. So having that personal relationship with a client can go a long way, especially if they don’t know a lot about the product or price. There are tons of social media platforms to reach your customer base, but what platform gives the most personal, and honest form of your business?

One of the most surprising ways to build fans of your brand is podcasts. A podcast lets your audience hear your voice and speaking your opinions exactly how you meant them to be said. The more a person feels like they know you, the more likely they are to feel like they can trust you, your recommendations on products, and investments.

“Social media is not just an activity; it is an investment of valuable time and resources. Surround yourself with people who not just support you and stay with you, but inform your thinking about ways to WOW your online presence” – Sean Gardner

Unlike most social media platforms, podcasts don’t require someone to scroll through an endless feed, or pay attention to their phone or computer. For a podcast all you have to do is throw on a playlist and listen away while you are driving, cleaning, or just doing day-to-day tasks. The main goal is once you have a playlist of podcasts, someone only needs to hear one, let the playlist go, and suddenly be hooked on your opinions and advice.

You have the power to evoke emotions and feelings from people. In every moment of your life you are building your personal brand. Every time you interact with people and every thing you say makes up how people think and feel about both you and your products/services. When it comes to building your brand, the opportunities are endless but what I stated above is the perfect place to begin that journey. Always remember to create a brand to help your company speak for itself.

How do you make sure people understand who you are and follow you? Let us know by commenting below!
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Life

15 Ways to Avoid Regret at the End of Your Life

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Most people live their lives in regret. If you have ever had the misfortune of experiencing regret, it is not a nice thing to experience. You must do the things you need to do to avoid regrets in your life.

At the point when individuals think back on their lives, what are the most widely recognized regrets they have? That is a significant inquiry we have to stop and ask all the more regularly. A few people think back and say the greatest regret they had was to not have kids. Others think back and say their greatest regret was in regards to lost time.

Whatever the case, it’s critical to take a look at how you are carrying on with your life and consider how you can avoid regrets.

Here are 15 ways to avoid regrets later on in your life:

1. Don’t follow someone else’s dreams

So many of us are living other people’s dreams such as our parents, guardians and other authoritative figures in our lives. We all have dreams and should endeavor to follow those dreams to the latter irrespective of what others may think. You can’t please everyone and should look to only please yourself and do what is right for you.

2. Stop taking your loved ones for granted

Your children won’t be children forever and will grow up to become adults and not have time for you as much. They may never even call and your parents will not be parents forever, they will leave you someday. So make sure you endeavor to spend every waking moment with them and appreciate them while you still have the opportunity to do so.

3. Stop pretending to be someone else

Imitation is suicide. When we pretend to be someone we are not, we are spending so much time not being who we are and in that situation, we are spending a whole lot of time not living. You are the person you know very well and if you spend your time living someone else’s life you will only end up being a copycat instead of being the very best you could be as well as being number one at it.

The most inspiring people in the world are true to themselves and when you are true to yourself, you will be at ease. This tends to attract like-minded people into your life which help you live a more fulfilling life.

4. Don’t burn all your bridges

Life is a journey of ups and downs, and you will have to be kind to people on your way up because you will meet them on your way down. Don’t burn the bridges of your past as you may need them later in life.

5. Always tell the truth

Lies destroy families and relationships. When you tell a lie you will have to back that lie with another and another until you have a whole tangled web of lies that cannot be remedied even if you want to. True relationships have their foundation in the truth and lasts forever. Always endeavour to tell the truth in every situation as telling a lie can lead to future regrets.

6. Live in the moment

Have you ever noticed that when you were a kid time seemed to be really slow and now that you are an adult, time moves really fast? That is because as kids, we always lived in the moment and as adults, we are always thinking of our next scheme, idea or business that time just seems to fly past us. Take your time to experience the now as you may regret it later in the future when you look into the mirror and ask where all the time went.

“All I have is all I need and all I need is all I have in this moment.” – Byron Katie

7. Don’t give up on true love

This is one of the biggest areas of regret for most people as they reject love because of fear, work or other excuses they give themselves. When you happen to find true and real love, cherish and nurture it well so that you don’t end up regretting it in the future.

8. Make others happy

The mark of a true existence is in the ability to make other people’s lives better and easier. Strive to make people happy and you will be happy yourself. A mid-life crisis is mainly made up of regrets and one way to alleviate this regret is to find a way to make people’s lives better. Do something good for someone such as engaging in volunteer work. In the end, it is not about your possessions but how many lives you touched.

9. Stand up for yourself

Many adults have always regretted not standing up for themselves when they had the opportunity to do so. Do not let people take you or any other person for that matter for granted. When I resumed secondary school there was this kid who tried to bully me. I warned him on many occasions to leave me alone and when he refused I had to punch him in the face.

He punched me back but never disturbed me again. Not that I am advocating violence but when someone tries to take advantage of you, fight back. Then they will know that you cannot be toiled with.

10. Take care of your health

It cannot be emphasized enough that health is wealth. You can have all the money in the world but without your health, it is nothing. Make sure you have a regular check-up and exercise and eat right.

11. Experience more

This is one of the greatest regrets of the dying because they wished they had experienced more out of life. Travel, go out with friends, see places and experience life because that’s what we are supposed to do while being alive, live.

12. Listen more

Surely, we all have lots to say but it is better when we listen. Listen to your spouse, listen to your kids and listen to your friends instead of talking all the time. Listen to the advice of your doctors and parents, family members and well wishers.

13. Don’t fear failure

Dare. Don’t be afraid to fail and take risks. On their death beds, most people always regret not taking chances on life and doing what they wanted to do and follow their dreams.

Don’t fear failure. Not failure, but low aim, is the crime. In great attempts it is glorious even to fail.” Bruce Lee

14. Don’t wait

There is no time again, if you have a dream, chase it. If there’s someone you like, let them know because you will always come second to someone who has taken the initiative to do something with their lives.

15. Talk to an elderly person

Old people regret lots of things and talking to them, they will tell you what to do and what not to do. Unfortunately, most of us see our old people as outdated and think that old people have nothing to teach us. If you hope on avoiding regrets in the future, make sure you listen to the advice of those better than you.

What are you doing on a daily basis to make sure you reach the end of your life fulfilled? Let us know by commenting below!
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