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The 5 Hidden Warning Signs That You Have Low Self Confidence (And HOW to Fix It!!)

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I became a Confidence Coach for two reasons: firstly, I feel completely alive when I coach people because I am living my purpose, and secondly, I don’t want others to have to suffer through low self-confidence like I did. Like myself, many people are not even aware that they have major confidence issues, but they are aware that ‘something is wrong’.

If you have core beliefs that undermine your self-confidence, you have probably felt like something has been missing your entire life. It’s a feeling that takes the sweetness out of success, and emphasises the heartbreak of failure. It’s a vague, guilty doubt, always there in the back of your mind, and sometimes in the front when you lie awake at night.

I’ve come to believe that this feeling is the small remaining part inside of you which knows you could be confident. It’s the part of you which smacks its head in despair every time you avoid something, or make excuses, or pretend you don’t want something you secretly desire.

For years I searched for confidence without even knowing that’s what I was searching for. All I knew was that I wanted better from myself and I was sick of being held back by fear. It was only a few years ago that I realised the issue was all to do with self-confidence.

The warning signs were always there – I just didn’t see them because I thought they were normal. I figured everyone either felt the same or else they were simply born differently and weren’t afraid. In a way I was both right and wrong. Yes some people felt the same as me, but that didn’t mean it had to be this way.

So if you are feeling like something is holding you back in life, if you’re frustrated by the sense of missing out, then have a read through this list of warning signs you could be overlooking. Then consider my solutions to these, as tried and tested methods on how to overcome these barriers to inner confidence.

 

1. You feel compelled to check your phone when left alone in social situations

I see this all the time. Two people are at a bar, restaurant or shopping mall and one needs to go to the toilet. The other person quickly comes to the realisation that they are now alone in a public setting. The first instinct is to go to the phone… checking for non-existent text messages or scrolling through Facebook. This is simply to alleviate boredom until the other person returns, right?

Wrong!

I guarantee the reason most people do this is because they feel like they are being judged by the public when they are out in a social situation by themselves. We are terrified by the thought that other people can see that we are by ourselves without a good excuse. This relates, in my experience, to a basic fear of disapproval by others. While in reality nobody even barely cares that you’re by yourself (they’ve got their own fears to deal with!), you feel as if you are the centre of attention.

 

Solution:

You need to prove to yourself that being alone in a social situation does not have any negative consequences. You can only achieve this by actually going out alone. Start small, like having a latte at a busy café by yourself. No checking the phone, no reading magazines, just no distractions whatsoever. Take your time, hey people-watching can be great fun! Once this harmless event is conquered, move up to dining, shopping, movies and bar-hopping alone. Being able to do these things despite the fear will make you more socially confident than 80% of people out there.

 

Super Challenge:

For those of you with mighty balls/ovaries, try going to a party, concert or nightclub alone, and initiate conversations with at least 5 strangers. I predict only about 1-5% of the total human population can do this without alcohol or a firearm pointed at them, so here’s an opportunity to place yourself among the elite of self-confident.

 

2. You’re unable to leave the house looking like crap

This one also relates to being judged by others, but is more specific to our fear of looking unattractive. I was recently in the Gold Coast in Australia and was saddened by the materialistic focus of the locals. Everyone seemed to be as polished and perfect as they could be. They obviously spend hours getting ready, even just to walk to the shops. Must be exhausting!

Looking good for yourself and looking good for others are two completely different concepts. Trying to win the approval of the fickle public with your appearance is a race you are always going to lose, because everyone has different tastes and eventually you will get old and ugly, no matter what. Wouldn’t it be better to not care what others thought of your appearance before that happens?

 

Solution:

In brief, discover your identity and match your ‘look’ to that. Focus on pleasing yourself with your ideal view of what you wish you were, rather than what other people think you should look like. I see myself as leader and an artist, so I like to combine business-wear with tattoos and jewellery. I can look at myself in the mirror and think “You’re looking badass my friend” without caring how others perceive me. I used to wear what people I envied wore!

 

Super Challenge:

Want to end your fear of public humiliation based on appearance for life? Don’t shower or groom yourself for a week. Do not use a mirror or allow yourself to see your reflection for the whole week. Go out in public at least once a day, wearing your worst clothes, such as tacky gym-clothes or mismatching items on purpose. No make-up, accessories, hats or shades (unless they are embarrassing). Yes, you will be judged, but nothing bad will happen. After a week like that, a quick trip to the shops in your PJ’s won’t seem like a big deal.

 

3. You tell ‘white lies’ to keep the peace, avoid conflict, or keep your job

Fear of conflict keeps many people from making improvements in their lives, because it robs them of integrity. Try to imagine being in a position where you have absolutely no secrets and nothing to hide. How would that feel? At first this concept terrified me. Now, I can’t see any other option, because total truth is pure freedom. You’d be amazed at how accepting good people are.

Trying to maintain a conflict-free environment can only be done through dishonesty for most people. It’s hard to build self-confidence when part of you constantly feels guilty about manipulating and lying. Yes, a small white lie to avoid conflict is a manipulative deception, don’t kid yourself about that! Self-confidence and self-belief requires the basic view of yourself as being a ‘good’ person. You need integrity to achieve this state.

 

Solution:

This one is a tricky one isn’t it?! It can seem impossible to be completely honest. The secret is to start small and learn how to deliver the truth safely. In one of my previous articles, I talk about using the BEID model for delivering feedback (see my addicted2success article on Living With Integrity). Using models to safely deliver messages will work as training wheels helping you build up to full disclosure. So start by making a commitment to catch yourself out when you’re about to lie to avoid conflict, and instead try to state your truth in a non-confrontational way.

 

Super Challenge:

Letting people see your weaknesses is the key to overcoming your fear that people will abandon you if you don’t play nice. That fear is what this ‘avoiding conflict’ is really about: wanting people to like you. If you really want to let go of your fear of conflict, you first need to let go of your fear that people will react negatively to the Real You, with all your flaws and vulnerability. If you want to flood this fear through exposure, try telling a safe person your biggest darkest secrets. Leave nothing out, including the things about yourself which shame you. If that goes ok, do it again with someone else. I’ve heard support groups are fantastic for this process.

 

4. Stressful situations have you reaching for substances or sex

How you cope with stress is a great measure of self-confidence. Those who face it head on and fight through the battle build confidence quickly. Those who use the distractions of mind and body are just avoiding conflict, pain and failure due to fear. The most common ‘crutches’ I’ve seen for avoiding facing fear are nicotine, alcohol, illicit drugs, shopping, and compulsive sexual behaviour.

There is a huge difference between blowing off steam vs. hiding from your demons. When you reach for a pleasure-enhancing tool to avoid the pain of a situation, you are confirming to yourself that you cannot handle it. That’s hardly going to build your confidence is it?

 

Solution:

The simple truth is that you CAN handle it. But like the social isolation fear discussed earlier, the only way you will believe you can handle stressful situations is by handling stressful situations! Even when it doesn’t work out in your favour you can still say ‘I survived’, and that’s the key to self-confidence: ability to rely on yourself. So next time you are feeling particularly down or anxious about a situation, make a promise to yourself that you will not use any ‘crutch’ to get through it; you will face it on its own terms until it’s done. Then just note how easy and pain-free it actually was compared to how you predicted it going.

 

Super Challenge:

Forsake all coping crutches for two whole months. No substances, no sex or masturbation as a coping mechanism (positive sexual experiences based on good emotions are fine), no hitting the boxing bag to ‘work out’ your anger. Just clean living and facing your issues head-on without flinching or needing anything. Using other people for support is fine, the more the merrier, but you should be able to do it without them too if needed.

 

5. You mind-read

Is there anyone out there who doesn’t do this? I doubt it. ‘Mind-reading’ is when you try to guess or assume what a person is thinking. This mostly comes from a negative place, where you are trying to avoid their disapproval, conflict, or you are hateful towards them and need to justify it. All of these reasons are fear-based. A truly confident person does not mind-read because if they want to know what someone is thinking, they will ask. If they don’t ask, it’s because they don’t care. Simple life right?

Mind-reading causes huge problems. You can spend a whole night lying awake, fretting over why your crush was so cold to you at work, without realising that they were simply distracted by a family crisis and didn’t even notice you. Or you can develop a raw hatred towards someone because you think they are condescending towards you, when really they just have a facial bone-structure that makes them appear haughty and they’re actually shy around you because you intimidate them.

 

Solution:

Stop mind reading! It really is that simple. But of course to get out of this habit, you can follow a process. Try this for a week: every time you catch yourself assuming what another person is thinking, try to imagine an alternative and opposite explanation. For example, if you think someone is judging you for being shy, try imagining that they are actually admiring you for staying calm.

Force yourself to keep doing this until you really start questioning your ability to read minds, because I have a newsflash for you: YOU SUCK AT IT! We all do. I’m a coach with a psych degree and more than 7 years’ experience in rehabilitating offenders, and I still don’t have the slightest clue what people are thinking most of the time. That’s why I ask and reflect.

 

Super Challenge:

Ask people what they are thinking every time you find yourself mind-reading. Be really honest with your assumptions and even tell them you are trying to break a mind-reading habit (they will totally identify with the problem because they do it too, guaranteed). You might say something like ‘Hey John, I noticed you look a bit down today, I’m starting to feel nervous that you’re mad at me about something’. Yes, this can occasionally cause conflict, but at least it will end in truth rather than miscommunication, bitterness and lost opportunities.

 

Conclusion

I have done all of these super challenges myself, some of which I live with to this day (like the last one). I would not recommend them unless I was sure they work. They’ve worked for me and my clients alike, some of whom gave me these ideas. If you really want that nagging voice of guilt and low self-esteem to go away for good, then working on building your confidence and facing your fears is the path you need to take. You could spend 10 years searching for it, like I did, or you can try to chip away at these warning signs and make much quicker progress.

The choice is yours. Try asking yourself:

“What do I want to think of myself in 10 years from now? How much longer will I wait to put an end to my confidence issues?”

 

Dan is a lifestyle and success coach, with his own company The Inspirational Lifestyle Ltd. He lives in Auckland, New Zealand, and loves to share his advice and opinions on how to attain success. Make sure you checkout more of Dans articles at: TheInspirationalLifestyle.com

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43 Comments

43 Comments

  1. zeina

    Apr 7, 2018 at 8:44 pm

    And yeah I always feel like giving up on that subject. Ughhh it hurts

  2. Viky

    Jul 23, 2016 at 2:47 pm

    Hey Dan, Thanks for the tips.I am very motivated to apply these tips in my daily lifestyle. I am 20 years old and think I am in this condition from 2 to 3 years. And it has affected me in a lot of bad ways. I am strting this with commenting this time

  3. akhil satheesh

    Aug 11, 2015 at 12:33 pm

    Great read sir. Could see myself in there, in all the examples u used.

  4. Justin

    Apr 20, 2015 at 6:45 am

    I’m 35 and all my life I’ve had severe confidence problems along with no friends and extreme isolation. Work has gotten unusually stressful lately and I keep thinking management is trying to put me in a situation where they can disempower me first and then fire me. This brings me down, so far down I feel like contemplating suicide because I have no one I can turn to for support when things get really tough. There’s no one out there I can confide in, and as always i am forced to just sleep it off and hope these manic polarizing feelings just go away.

    • Christopher

      Nov 29, 2017 at 10:40 pm

      Justin I feel the same way in my work place. Its over 2 years since you made that post. I truly hope you’ve made changes in your life for the good, either confronting the problems at work or moving to a better workplace. Remember always try to change the problem in any way possible, even if it means quitting your job, before you consider suicide, before that option lots of change! This is coming from someone who has planned for the end and in many different ways.

      Myself I’m not sure what will happen, I think some people have different ‘End Dates’ and like you we feel there isn’t much left in the world after a certain point.

  5. fhdfh

    Feb 23, 2015 at 3:44 pm

    i did what u said in my own life actually. i went ahead and did all these things i was afraid of and i ended up losing all my friends, all respect and the little confidence i had left in me. i guess i am the biggest freak anyone’s ever met. my fear of abandonment were confirmed over and over. i don’t think these are good ideas. there is a reason a human brain feels like it should be a certain way in cirtain situations and people. i still regret what happened till this day. if i knew the outcome, i would of never done these things and would of still had friends. i was afraid of this- of dying alone and when i went ahead and been honest with others, thats exactly what ended up happening.

    • Milan

      Dec 2, 2016 at 6:56 am

      I had the same problem. People started getting intimidated by the amount of confidence that I had. I lost one friend. I always had that “what if?” gut feeling. SO, MY CONFIDENCE IS UNABLE TO PRESENT IT SELF. It had been quite tough for me to expose my confidence because I feel like people will think I am projecting too much. The last time I had confidence people stared at me awfully and started whispering to each other.

      • Angus

        May 10, 2017 at 8:50 am

        But if you were confident, you wouldn’t care what they were whispering about

  6. Omo

    Jan 13, 2015 at 9:35 am

    I was searching related to the topic self confidence because i have issues regarding this one and I found this and I think all of these warning signs applies to me, especially that mind reading one and constantly checking my phone. I’m a graduating student, high school and I always feel like I’m being judged inside the classroom as in ALL THE TIME. I always assume people are looking at me that’s why my movements are limited and I try to becareful of what I do. I sit in front and I don’t look back because I’m too shy to do so. I’m a person who looks around and when me and someone make eye contact, I always assume that maybe he or she thinks im weird because he or she thinks i always look at him or her. Plus i’m always the target when me and my friends bully each other. Not in a bad way but I think it’s because I don’t stand up for myself. I’m always looking down when inside the classroom that’s why i didnt get to concentrate in class because I’m always assuming someone is judging and looking at me in class…. I don’t even know what to do anymore and I sometimes cry because of this confidence issue..

  7. Jo

    May 8, 2014 at 2:15 pm

    Hi Dan
    I have just read your post, most of the time went I am alone in the party I try to take a look at my phone and try to distract my self and I really feel low most of the time even when I am out with my friends most the time. Feels like et I don’t care about look

    • Desmond

      Jul 10, 2014 at 5:46 pm

      Hi Dan,
      How would you suggest I apply some of these tactics to deal with a narcissistic father who will take every bit of opportunity to bring me down? I am talking about the kind who is successful and status oriented. The kind who will discourage you to dream Big and become ambitious, while he himself made it Big in his profession.

      Kind Regards,
      Desmond

      • Dan Munro

        Jul 20, 2014 at 5:15 am

        Hey Desmond, I’d need to know more about you. But one thing I can say for sure is that status is something we give to other people. He can only bring you down if YOU see him as being above you.

        Try imagining that he is lashing out at you because of his own fears. What might those fears be? What caused them? Do they actually have anything to do with you, or is it his problem? What would life be like if you saw him as someone who is scared rather than intimidating?

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Life

9 Personal Growth Lessons I Learned From Being Bullied

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Wherever I went, bullying seemed to follow me. Whether it was school, work or even family, I could never seem to find any kind of escape. For years, I was stuck in the victim mindset, constantly asking myself what I did to deserve this kind of behaviour towards me. I decided to turn my struggle into a personal growth strategy to help others who might be silently struggling with what I did.

Here are some of the key personal growth lessons I learnt from my harrowing experiences:

1. Be the victim

Be the victim but put an early as possible expiration date on this. Realise that it is okay to feel sorry for yourself; it is okay to validate yourself by reinforcing the fact that you didn’t deserve what happened to you. This will help you give yourself the compassion that you need in that moment. Recognition of the hurt and validation are the first steps towards starting the healing process, but the key is not to hang around there for too long otherwise you will be stuck with a victim mentality.

2. Why?

This is a question that is often asked – why did this happen to me? Were the stars misaligned or is this karma for sneaking the last doughnut from the party? Rather than getting bogged down analysing why you went through the harrowing experience, focus on what you learnt from the experience. Sometimes, it can be something as simple as finding your voice and setting boundaries. Every difficult situation offers an opportunity to learn.

3. Focus on the lesson, not on the pain

Whenever faced with a tough situation, ask yourself, “What am I learning from this?” Often, when drowning in dire circumstances, we cannot see light and we fear that any light might be an oncoming train. The best way to deal with this fear and overwhelm is to refocus your thoughts. Oftentimes, the lesson falls under one of the following categories: perseverance, patience, consistency and my personal favourite – staying true to who you are.

4. Control the controllable

Within every difficult situation, there are always factors you can control: your responses, your disposition and your actions. Using what you can control, redirect your energy on what you CAN do instead of what you can’t do. Sometimes, what you can do is simply getting through your day and giving everything you can. This helps in building self-confidence and self-esteem.

“Once your mindset changes, everything on the outside will change along with it.” – Steve Maraboli

5. You do you

It is a normal human desire to be liked by those around us. Avoid trying to change who you are based on what others say about you. It is very tempting to do this because we all want to feel accepted and want to feel that we belong. The more you do you, the more you will attract people who love you for the “real” you.

6. It is not about you

When people criticize you incessantly, recognise that they are battling their own demons and they are easily triggered. You are not the real reason for their hurtful behaviour, they are filled with fear, anger and hurt which they vent out to others. You can only give what you have and if fear, anger and hurt is all you have, it is the only place from which you will function.

7. You have the power to choose

It is easy to forget that we always have the power of our choices and decisions, while our circumstances may be overwhelming, we can still make wise choices so as not to become victims of our circumstances. We should never forget this power as this is what keeps us afloat and breathing when caught in a flood of difficulties.

8. Revenge is not the answer

While it is perfectly normal and human to wish revenge on those who have hurt us, it is crucial to note that what we wish upon others, mirrors back to us. Wishing your culprits to battle incessant sneezing while stuck in traffic controlling explosive diarrhea might give a moment of satisfaction, but is this something you are willing to risk mirroring back to you? I certainly am not. Put quite simply – negativity breeds negativity while positivity breeds positivity. Remember, you have the power to choose.

“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” – Wayne Dyer

9. Forgive

Don’t gasp so loudly. Yes, forgive those who have hurt you. Why? It definitely doesn’t absolve them of the hurt they caused you, but it releases you from the chains of negativity that are binding and rooting you in place preventing you from moving on. How do you forgive? Ask whatever higher power you believe in to filter those who have hurt you out of your life, sending them blessings and healing wherever they may need it in their lives while also blessing over positive outcomes for all of you.

I have used this technique personally and I swear by it. Sending blessings and healing while asking for positive outcomes, results in all these wonderful things happening to you as well. Giving what you have mirrors back to you. You have the power to forgive, let go and move on. This is a choice that you also happen to have the power to choose.

The next time you feel stuck and overwhelmed by your circumstances, revisit these personal growth lessons and apply them to your unique situation. You will be glad that you did.


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6 Reasons Why You Should Never Glorify Failure After You’ve Failed

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Many people are ashamed of failure. If they so much as smell a whiff of failure, they quit instantly because the public notices it quickly. But you shouldn’t be ashamed of failure. A lot of people have failed. I’ve failed over and over again in my career, business, relationships and more. Yet, I keep trying because failure isn’t the final verdict. (more…)

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Life

How to Move Forward When All Seems Lost

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A few weeks ago, the relationship of my venture with a long-term client turned rocky. Losing them would mean a huge loss for my business, but it appeared like that’s where we were headed. My mind raced with unpleasant thoughts. Maybe the client had figured out that I couldn’t lead my team well. Maybe I was not good enough to be an entrepreneur. Maybe I was not good enough to do anything.

Why was the world so unfair?! Within moments, my anxiety had shot through the roof and my heart was racing faster than an F1 car engine. But I know I’m not the only one who feels like this.

Why Problems Overwhelm Us

As human beings, we’re good at solving problems, so they shouldn’t stress us out. Yet, they do just that. Why?

Consider some of these situations in life. When a relationship is headed for troubled waters, we wonder whether our partner loves us anymore. Our mind unearths memories of when we got dumped or rejected. We blame ourselves for falling for the wrong people and tell ourselves that we’re not worth receiving love.

How do you think the relationship will steer after that? If we cannot stick to a diet, we think of other times when we gave up. We remember what people said about things that we couldn’t do and ask ourselves, “were they right?” We tell ourselves that we don’t have what it takes to succeed at anything.

Do you think we’ll find the grit to stick to the diet after this? So here we are… thinking we’re not good enough to be entrepreneurs, to be loved, to get promoted, or to achieve our personal goals. Notice a pattern yet? We move in the wrong direction. The destination is to achieve the goal. And unless we stop giving into emotions and start addressing situations, we’ll keep failing to get there.

Negative emotions (and even extremely positive ones) blur our vision. The more we focus on them, the deeper we go into how we feel. We either get angry because things aren’t the way we want them to be, or get paralyzed by the fear of the worst possible outcome. This means we pull away from the one thing we must do to set things right — take action.

“If you can’t sleep, then get up and do something instead of lying there and worrying. It’s the worry that gets you, not the loss of sleep.” – Dale Carnegie

How to Take Action in the Face of Problems

Most human beings are good at solving problems. Where we get blindsided is at diagnosing the right problem. To diagnose the right problem, we must address the situation instead of emotions. We must see things for what they are, collect facts on what we’re worrying about, and then ask ourselves, “What should I do next?”

In his book “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living”, Dale Carnegie wrote: “Neither you nor I nor Einstein nor the Supreme Court of the United States is brilliant enough to reach an intelligent decision on any problem without first getting the facts.”

To address the tricky situation with my client, I took the following three steps:

1. First, I acknowledged the feeling

Solving a problem doesn’t mean ignoring emotions. It’s important to acknowledge how you feel because it reveals the path, but domesticating your emotions is more important. I acknowledged how I felt by saying, “I feel anxious because the client might not want to work with us anymore and this will be a financial loss for us.”

Note how I said “I feel anxious” and not “I’m a loser.” If I had given into negative chatter, I wouldn’t have uncovered the direction to move in (the part after “because”). This is why domesticating emotions is crucial.

2. Next, I prepared for the worst

We often run from our worst fears rather than facing them despite knowing that the worst outcome rarely comes true. The result is that we stay stuck in fear instead of pushing beyond it. And we never discover what we’re really capable of, which sucks.

In my case, the worst meant losing the client. It would hurt but it was the truth. However, we could get more clients. Plus we already had other clients who helped us pay the bills. In other words, I wouldn’t have to live on the street.

The moment I accepted this, a huge weight got lifted off my chest. This prepared me for the third and final step.

“Expect the best. Prepare for the worst. Capitalize on what comes.” – Zig Ziglar

3. Lastly, I examined the situation

Examining a situation means setting aside your emotional baggage and focusing on facts. When you trust that you’ll be okay, you become better at diagnosing the real problem. Once I felt lighter, I could see things clearly.

I used the 5 Whys Technique (asking “why” five times) to figure out the real reason for the client’s dissatisfaction. Then I collected data on the issue and on what we had previously delivered.

Finally, I reached out to the CEO of the client and held a detailed and constructive discussion based on my findings. Within four days, the CEO and I were back to the way things were before.

The best way to prepare for tomorrow is to give today your best. I’m not sure whether the issue with the client got resolved for good or whether the client won’t pack up and leave one day. However, I am sure that I’m prepared to handle such cases better today than I was yesterday.

Control your emotions instead of letting them run amok. Accept things for what they are instead of what you want them to be. Be realistic instead of delusional. Address the situation instead of succumbing to emotions.

Don’t preempt what lies ten miles ahead and get paralyzed by fear. Address what lies clearly in front of you and keep moving. One day you’ll be surprised about how close to your destination you are.

How do you move forward when all hope seems to be lost? Share your advice below!

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8 Effective Tips to Improve Your Emotional Wellbeing

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You know what they say, “Health Is Wealth”. But, more often than not, we only mean it in the context of physical health. There’s no question that being fit is the world’s greatest treasure. Unfortunately, not a lot of us take time out to look after our emotional health and wellbeing.

Let’s not forget – it’s ‘Mind Over Matter’. So, if you are able to take control of your emotions, thoughts, how you feel through the day and how you respond to myriad situations; there’s nothing quite like it. When you become the master of your emotions; health, prosperity, and basically all good things are bound to follow you.

With that said, here are 8 surefire ways that will improve your emotional wellbeing:

1. Practice Mindfulness

Half the time, we don’t even know what we’re thinking or how we’re feeling. That’s because we let our minds operate on autopilot. It’s time to take control of your mind. Be aware of what and how you feel throughout the day. The upside to this practice is that you can detect negative emotions right on the onset and quickly change them and their corresponding feeling.

Feelings of anger, jealousy, hatred; they are not good for the mind, soul, or the body. Paying close attention to the spectrum of emotions you experience throughout the day, will help you detect the negative ones and kick them away before they fester deep enough to take away your happiness and emotional health.

2. Stay Physically Active

As you engage in physical activities, your brain produces a whole bunch of feel-good hormones such as endorphins and dopamine. These hormones are what causes the ‘elated’ or ‘euphoric’ feeling. Being physically active uplifts your mood and your outlook towards life. It readies you to take the challenges more head-on instead of becoming overwhelmed by the littlest of inconvenience.

You are better able to analyze tough situations and take a more proactive rather than a reactive approach. It’s no question physical health is in direct proportion with emotional health. A healthy mind resides in a healthy body and vice versa.

“Caring for the mind is as important and crucial as caring for the body. In fact, one cannot be healthy without the other.” – Sid Garza-Hillman

3. Get Sufficient Sleep

Ever noticed how you feel depressed and cranky, and just out of focus the day you fail to get a good night’s sleep? Well, if you fail to get sufficient sleep for a couple of days, you are bound to feel more depressed, cranky and eventually more prone to a host of negative emotions. Research shows that sleep deprivation sends amygdala – our brain’s emotional response center into overdrive.

Amygdala controls our immediate emotional responses. When it becomes overactive, we become more reactive rather than active. We become more irritable, angry and anxious. A good night’s sleep is vital to improving your emotional wellbeing.

4. Develop a New Hobby

Learn to swim. Try arts and crafts. How about painting? Swimming is a ‘happy’ activity. You get to make new friends and stay fit. Arts and crafts, as we all know, tends to have a relaxing effect on the mind and the nerves.

Just the process of creating something from scratch makes you confident and gets those creative juices flowing. Similarly, painting helps you express yourself. All these factors together create a ‘happy you’. The one who likes to engage in new things instead of resisting change or difficult situations.

5. Eat Healthy

Ever heard of the phrase, “You are what you eat”? Well, it’s true to the last syllable. When you eat foods rich in salt, sodium, fat – you are bound to feel lethargic. It takes longer for the body to digest such foods. That means the body is forced to deprive organs of blood and use it for the digestion purpose.

Result? You become lazy, moody, not ready to take any responsibility which leads to feeling cranky and irritable. On the other hand, eating fibrous vegetables, fruits, salads, and complex sugars keeps you upbeat and healthy.

6. Laugh Your Heart Out

Laughter is the best medicine. That is why they have a dedicated ‘laughter session’ in yoga studios. You don’t even have to mean it. The simple act of spreading your cheeks and pretending to laugh sends a signal to your body that you are happy.

And what happens when you are happy? Your brain releases happy hormones like dopamine, serotonin and what not. In fact, many studies have gone so far as to stipulate that laughter alone is capable of treating all kinds of physical ailments. Why should emotional ailments be any different?

7. Try Relaxation Techniques

‘’Visualization technique’’ where you imagine yourself in a happy place is a surefire way to calm your nerves if you find yourself distressed. You may also try praying to elate yourself. Praying is good for the mind and the soul.

Controlled breathing or ‘biofeedback technique’ are some other relaxation techniques that can tame how you feel and even your bodily functions. Try surrounding yourself with aromatherapy or scented candles because the smell is a big factor in governing how we feel.

“Positive emotional energy is the key to health, happiness and wellbeing. The more positive you are, the better your life will be in every area.” – Brian Tracy

8. Count Your Blessings

We all have so much to be thankful for. It could be a friend who stands by you or a happy family. Good health. Financial freedom. Make a list of all the things that you feel grateful for in your life. If it’s a person, be sure to communicate your feelings and express your gratitude.

You will feel so much happier. Happiness is the diet of a healthy mind and an intelligent emotional response mechanism. You could also try writing a poem or simply expressing your gratitude through the power of prayers.

There are so many ways to become emotionally intelligent and not one of them requires any investment or special skills. Practically anyone and everyone can do it. All you need is the will and the desire.

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