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The 21 Day Rule That Can Change Your Life



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Nothing changes in a day. But a lot can happen in 21 days. Various researchers have different viewpoints on the concept of the formation of habits within 21 days. Some researchers reveal that it takes about 66 days while some researchers unfold that it takes 30 days to build habits.

The 21-day rule

To form habits, you must work hard sincerely and consistently for 21 days. You may have to struggle for a few days to acquire habits but once you start working hard you will be amazed to find yourself forming good habits. Similarly, if you want to grow out of any bad habit, control yourself for a few days, and you will be astonished to find yourself free from that bad habit. For instance, you want to hit the gym regularly at 4 AM. For a few days, you would struggle to get up on time to get ready for the gym. Once you start getting up regularly, from around day 22 onwards it becomes a habit and you can make it to the gym regularly and on time. Apply the 21-day rule to outgrow any bad habit you have. You will surely get positive results. 

Here is a blueprint for building habits

  • Begin reinforcing your habits by writing them down. Remember, inking is better than thinking. Additionally, writing gives you clarity, restores your thoughts for future reference, and enhances your focus and concentration. Write down the progress plan and progress report for 21 days.
  • Be mentally prepared to change your habit. If you have decided to wake up early and go for a walk every day, you will need certain preparations. You have to sleep early. You will have to say “no” to late-night parties. Will will have to leave the bed on time and kill the urge to sleep a little more. Know what sacrifices a change will demand of you and be mentally prepared to go for it.
  • Ensure that your actions are recorded firmly in your subconscious mind. Go back to chapter 10 to reaffirm the power of the subconscious mind. If you tell yourself firmly while sleeping that you will get up at 5 in the morning, your subconscious mind will act as your alarm. The only task left for you now is to avoid temptations. Avoid making excuses or rationalizations. Do not let yourself off the hook. It’s all about practicing something for some time, say 21 days. Post that you will be automated into it.
  • Both time and timing matter a lot while trying to build habits. Hence, repeat your actions at a specific time every day until they become automatic. If you want to go for a walk, choose a time that works for you both in terms of your biological clock and your professional clock. If you want to go in the morning, stick to it. Don’t go for it in the morning one day and in the evening on the other day. that way you will confuse yourself. Also, your subconscious mind will not take your intention for change seriously. You will do it for a few days, then skip one day. put yourself into a system. Also, if you are to walk for 30 minutes every day, don’t think you will walk for 15 minutes today and will go for 45 minutes tomorrow. Discipline is important in achieving anything.
  • To grow any habit, it is best if you have company. For those 21 days at least, surround yourself with like-minded people who share the same vision. People and companionship work like a great motivation. We end up pursuing things when we end up meeting friends and get to spend some time together pursuing the same thing. We get to discuss the progress and plans with each other. That way we stay bound by a cause. The bond between the habit and the people extends far beyond 21 days. Hire a coach or mentor. 
  • Never expect quick outcomes. The 21 days will put only a habit in place. The habit will fetch you results over time. Be patient and consistent. Track your progress. Celebrate your success. 

“In essence, if we want to direct our lives, we must take control of our consistent actions.It’s not what we do once in a while that shapes our lives, but what we do consistently.” – Tony Robbins

To train your brain, feed inputs that you intend to strive for 21 days to build new habits. Never feed the information that you will have for a lifetime. 

Here is a list of templates to be customized as per your requirements.

  1. I want to give up smoking for 21 days. 
  2. I want to give up alcohol for 21 days. 
  3. I want to give up sweets for 21 days. 
  4. I want to quit eating junk food for 21 days. 
  5. I want to blog daily for 21 days. 
  6. I want to get up every day at 5 A.M. for 21 days. 
  7. I want to exercise every day for an hour for 21 days.

To bring out behavioral improvement, break things into small steps to enable your mind and body to avoid resistance. It boosts your sense of adequacy and helps accomplish your goals and objectives.

Start building your good habits slowly and steadily. Do not attempt to build them overnight. When you start exceedingly small, you will find an amazing outcome. For instance, when you want to exercise, do it daily for a few minutes. Once your body responds positively, increase the duration of your exercise. Avoid torturing your body by exercising heavily in the initial stage. 

Over to you!

Building habits is not an easy task. It is about your mind and your practices. It is related to your learned behavior. Habits persist for a longer time because they are automatic, and are done through your subconscious mind.  Changing your habits is possible but it requires serious effort. You need to program your subconscious mind through your conscious mind and work regularly to build your habits. 

Changing a habit is very challenging because there is a natural tendency to fight against building good habits. If changing habits were easy, everybody would shed their bad habits and embrace good habits. There is often a resistance to overcoming bad habits. It requires tremendous willpower and consistent commitment and self-discipline for 21 days to build great habits.  How long it takes to build habits depends solely on the individual. Hence, 21 days cannot be taken as the benchmark. However, it is an ideal duration for any individual striving to build good habits. Good habits bring positive behavioral changes resulting in success in your personal, professional, and social life. Give your all to adapt to them. 

Professor M.S. Rao, Ph.D. is the Father of “Soft Leadership” and the Founder of MSR Leadership Consultants, India. He is an International Leadership Guru with forty years of experience and the author of fifty books including the award-winning ‘See the Light in You’ URL: He is a C-Suite advisor and global keynote speaker. He brings a strategic eye and long-range vision given his multifaceted professional experience including military, teaching, training, research, consultancy, and philosophy. He is passionate about serving and making a difference in the lives of others. He is a regular contributor to Entrepreneur Magazine. He trains a new generation of leaders through leadership education and publications.

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The Imbalanced Problem with Work/Life Balance

Balancing is for your checkbook, gymnastics, and nutrition; not for your people’s work/life ratio.



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Balance…it requires an equal distribution of value between two or more subjects to maintain steady composure and equitable proportionality. (more…)

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How to Find the Courage to Start New

Change is scary, but it’s a normal part of life.



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It’s 2023, a new year, new you, right? But how do we start over? How do we make the changes in our lives that we crave so much to see?  (more…)

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Failing is More Important Than Succeeding

Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures.



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People often consider failure a stigma.  Society often doesn’t respect the people who failed and avoids and criticizes their actions. Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures. Not to have endeavored is worse than failing in life as at some stage of your life you regret not having tried in your life.  (more…)

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5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma



Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.


Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:


1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.


2. Persistent Pain

Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.

4. A strong need for control

It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
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