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3 Unspoken Lessons Gifted Through Experience

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As a young child, I was fascinated with stocks. The idea of being able to make calculated decisions that could potentially yield an increase in my initial investment became a thrilling game for me. Granted, my investments were as big as I was in my youthful years. However, my passion grew with every investment, and I knew I wanted to be in the financial world when I grew up. Eventually, I decided to become a wealth advisor. In doing so, I realized I was stepping into a highly male-dominated industry. Naturally, I immersed myself in learning to gain a competitive edge among my peers and colleagues.

“Experience is the teacher of all things.” Julius Caesar

As the years passed and my experience as a wealth advisor grew, so did my awareness of what unspoken lessons were vital in propelling my career trajectory. While I may have studied a wide range of industry best practices, and read various books on human behavior, none of my studies provided me with the three most distinct keys I needed in order to level up as an entrepreneur. These lessons were gained through experience – which is something that money can’t buy. Time had to run its course with me as one of the players in my career chess game.

Here are three unspoken lessons I gained through experience:

  1. Practice the art of a thank you. We live in a world that requires us to be efficient with our time – so for many people, a thank you comes in the form of an email or a social media comment. However, both mediums lack warmth and a true investment of time. There are two things that money can’t buy – time and youth. In this case, the impact is far greater when someone chooses to invest time in a handwritten thank you note. This gesture says, “I value you, and I wanted to invest my time in making sure you knew that,” versus, “This is a formality, so I wanted to check it off my list.” Remember that your actions speak for you too. Make sure you like what your actions say.
  2. Rethink the power of a tribe. Life – and business – are team sports. Having the right people on your team and a part of your tribe is imperative to your growth. These people should not just be cheerleaders – they should be people who can provide you with support and constructive feedback so that you can grow. Valued are those who dare to share key perspective – especially if it challenges the popular perspective. Therein often lies the exact guidance you need to thrive.
  3. Implement “Off” Time. Building a brand and developing a career is demanding and requires a time investment above and beyond. Add to that the fact that we live in a world that is 24 / 7 where the expectation is often for business professionals to be available any day and any time. However, guidance can often come across as ill-advised when it comes from trusted counsel that is burnt out. All things – including our trusted devices like smartphones and computers – need time to recharge. Don’t be afraid to observe off-hours to serve your clients better.

Implementing these three best practices has been a game-changer for me. Through investing time in proper “thank yous,” I’ve connected on a much more personal level with clients and colleagues. By being selective with whom I allow into my tribe, I’ve fostered a network of support around me who often say the unpopular thing in order to serve my best interest. The constructive support I have received has allowed me to grow, which has been a gift. While implementing off time is more challenging than it appears to be, I have seen how my guidance has been more in-tune as I lead with a sharper perspective. However, the greatest lesson of all lies in the choice to share what you know so you can invest in others… it’s a lesson that gives back in priceless ways.

Letitia Berbaum is paving the way for future generations of female financial advisors. With over a decade of experience, Letitia has established a proven track record, helping her clientele become financially fit so that they can thrive through life’s ebbs and flows. As COO and partner at The Zandbergen Group, Letitia specializes in wealth management, asset transfer strategies for high net worth individuals and multi-generational families, and full-service strategic planning for business owners – from those seeking an entrepreneurial framework to those exploring an exit plan. She has earned the Accredited Investment Fiduciary® (AIF®) designation and holds both Series 7 and 66 securities registrations as well as Long Term Care Insurance, Life & Health, and Insurance licenses.

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Life

The Imbalanced Problem with Work/Life Balance

Balancing is for your checkbook, gymnastics, and nutrition; not for your people’s work/life ratio.

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Balance…it requires an equal distribution of value between two or more subjects to maintain steady composure and equitable proportionality. (more…)

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How to Find the Courage to Start New

Change is scary, but it’s a normal part of life.

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It’s 2023, a new year, new you, right? But how do we start over? How do we make the changes in our lives that we crave so much to see?  (more…)

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Failing is More Important Than Succeeding

Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures.

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People often consider failure a stigma.  Society often doesn’t respect the people who failed and avoids and criticizes their actions. Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures. Not to have endeavored is worse than failing in life as at some stage of your life you regret not having tried in your life.  (more…)

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5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

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Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.

 

Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:

 

1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.

 

2. Persistent Pain

 
Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
 
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.
 
 

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

 
Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
 
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
 
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
 
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.
 

4. A strong need for control

 
It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
 
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
 
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.
 
 

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

 
Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
 
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.
 
 

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

 
Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
 
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.
 

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

 
 
If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to awebliss.com and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
 
 
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