Life

Read This if You’re Always Busy

Published

4 years ago

Nov 4, 2018

Image Credit: Twenty20.com

Do these phrases sound familiar? I don’t have time. I’m too busy. Sorry, I’m slammed. I wish I could, but I really can’t. You’ve probably said at least one of these phrases in the last week or two. I get it. We all have jobs to do, responsibilities to handle, errands to run, and chores to complete. We’re busy at work, we’re busy at home, and so our time is very precious to us. I’m sure that you’re actually busy and don’t have time to do certain things, but I’m here to tell you that you might have more time than you actually think.

Time as an excuse

I bet you’ve used the phrase ‘Sorry, but I’m so busy‘ when you didn’t want to do something: take on a project, meet up with someone, or participate in some kind of an event. Saying that we’re too busy has become our go-to excuse when we don’t want to do something. It’s our easy way out.

It’s almost like when you were a kid, and your friend asked you; ‘Hey, wanna go play outside?’ If you didn’t feel like it, you responded with ‘Sorry, my parents said no.’ Sweet! You just got out of an unwanted situation, and you didn’t hurt anyone’s feelings in the process!

You’re lying to yourself

Now that we’re responsible adults, we can’t use our parents as an excuse. However, we’ve begun using time as an excuse. I understand that saying ‘no’ to someone is harder than saying ‘I simply don’t want to go to your birthday party, Karen!” but because of this conditioned habit, we’re beginning to lie to ourselves too. If you’re constantly using the excuse ‘Sorry, I have no time’ when dealing with other people and situations, no wonder you’ve begun to believe that lie yourself!

“Too busy is a myth. People make time for the things that are really important to them.” – Mandy Hale

You have time

Is there a side project that you really want to start? Is there a side hustle you want to build? Are you really passionate about books but you haven’t read anything in the last year? If you said yes, but you haven’t gotten around to doing it just yet, it’s probably because you, ahem, don’t have time. But let me ask you this… If somebody were to give you $1,000,000 dollars in order for you to start that side hustle ALONGSIDE your 9-5 job, would you do it? If somebody paid you to finally start making those videos that you really want to make, would you do it?

I know your answer is YES, and I know you would do everything in your power to hustle your butt off so you can get that $1,000,000 dollars. The funny thing is… suddenly you’ve found some time! The amount of hours in a day didn’t change.

The amount of hours you spend at work didn’t change. ALL the circumstances stayed the same, but what changed were your PRIORITIES. Suddenly, working on your side hustle (in hopes of receiving the $1MILL) became more important than wasting time on the web, or watching that new TV show on Netflix.

It’s all about priorities

The point that I’m making here is – it’s not about TIME, it’s about our priorities. If meditating was your priority, you would simply find the time to do it. (I mean… how hard really is it to find 15 minutes?) If exercising was your priority, you would wake up an hour earlier and go to the gym. If building your side hustle was a priority, you’d work on it after you’re back from your 9-5.

We’re all busy. We all have jobs to do and bills to pay. However, if you start using this as your constant excuse as to why you can’t do something, you’re only shooting yourself in the foot. You’re only stopping yourself from doing something that you really want.

“In order to say yes to your priorities you have to be willing to say no to something else.”

Get off your phone

To top it all off, I just want to make you aware of how much time we spend on our phones. A few days ago I watched a video where a woman explained that if you use your phone for 80 years, 4-6 hours a day, it would mean that 20 out of those 80 years would be spent starring at your phone. (If that isn’t terrifying, I don’t know what is!)

Now, add another 20-25 years of sleeping, and you’ve just lost half of your life. 80 years might seem like a long time, but how many of those years do we actually put to good use? We spend hours scrolling on our phones, we binge watch an entire season of a new TV show in 2 days, and we forget how precious and limited our time is. So, I want to ask you, how are you going to spend your time?

Image courtesy of Twenty20.com

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Gabie Rudyte

I'm Gabie Rudyte, a Lithuanian content creator and blogger living in New York City. I’m incredibly passionate about personal development and growth, creating motivational content and inspiring others to be the best version of themselves. You can find me on my blog www.gabierudyte.com or Instagram www.instagram.com/instagabie.

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5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

Published

6 days ago

Jan 25, 2023

Joel Brown (Founder of Addicted2Success.com)

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.

Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:

1. Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.

2. Persistent Pain

Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.

Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.

Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.

Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.

These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.

4. A strong need for control

It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.

This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.

It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.

These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.

If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to awebliss.com and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.