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Overextended and Tired of It? Here Are 3 Ways to Get Your Life Back

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If you’d like to learn how to stop overextending yourself so you can get your life back, sign up for the free 90-Day Master Class hosted by the founder of Addicted2Success.com, Joel Brown.


Tired of feeling like the whole world depends on you? If one more person asks you to help organize a fundraiser, build their website, or solve a family crisis (for the millionth time), will you snap like that IKEA bookshelf jammed into your way-too-small closet?

You are not alone. Many people are overextending themselves during this pandemic, trying to help as many other people as possible. But they are hitting their mental and physical limits.

If you have decided the cost of being everything to everyone is finally too much (in other words, you’re losing sleep, always resentful, and you nearly throttled the jerk who nabbed the last bag of flour right as you reached for it – how could he?!), then here are three ways to get your life back:

1. Celebrate what you are capable of

If you are on everyone’s speed dial, it means you are a trustworthy person who can be relied upon. We all have that one friend we wouldn’t trust to pick up our drycleaning, and – rejoice! — you are clearly not that person. You are capable. And that is a reason to celebrate.

Recently, my friend Alex broke down while on the phone with me. She just couldn’t handle it anymore. As the uber-rational and grounded middle child in a family of intense personalities, Alex was inundated with constant demands, many of which were time-consuming and costly. And it meant her phone rang 24/7 with SOS calls.

She was completely over always being the person in her family to figure things out, pick up the pieces, and clean up the messes. And she was angry – rightfully so.

But as Alex was fighting back tears on our call, I had to ask, “Would you rather be the one totally capable of handling things or would you rather be the one who is not at all capable of handling things, like your siblings?”

There was a pause, but not a long one.

“I would rather be the one who can handle things.”

“Ok then,” I said. “At least you prefer to be the person you are, even if your situation sucks right now.”

“You only have control over three things in your life – the thoughts you think, the images you visualize, and the actions you take.” – Jack Canfield

2. Check your martyrdom at the door

Deep down, do you actually like being run ragged? Do you get off on telling your friends at dinner parties (remember those?) how you’re so exhausted from dealing with other people’s stuff?

There’s often a huge emotional payoff for being overworked and underappreciated. Overdoing it is the lifeblood of the martyr. They need to be the community’s superhero and the savior against all odds (who else can fix the Zoom call that keeps cutting in and out?). Being constantly in demand makes them feel valued, useful, and on purpose.

Of course, it is completely normal to want to feel those things. But a challenge arises when we define our self-worth by how others see us. The constant need for external validation leaves you running on a treadmill, unable to hit the stop button. In fact, you’ve become so used to putting yourself last, that you accept your mental and physical suffering as “normal.”

If this resonates, I’d encourage you to ask yourself, “Who am I really trying to please or impress?” Often we’re desperately trying to show our value to a parent or a loved one, even if that person is no longer in our lives.

3. Be willing to set new boundaries

Notice how I said “willing?” You’ve run yourself ragged tending to everyone else’s needs, and shutting down your familiar operation overnight will only add to your stress. Instead, be open to the fact that yes, you can do things differently. And then consider what it would be like to set some new boundaries.

My friend Alex certainly has a fear of disappointing people. What will her family say if she says “no” more often? Is it worth the potential fallout and drama, not to mention the guilt?

The next time her brother asks (yet again!) for her to care for his cranky cat, could she simply say, “That is not something I want to take on right now?”

It is much easier for Alex to resort back to her usual, “Sure, ok, I can do that,” followed by a deep sigh. But inevitably, each time Alex says “yes” to something she doesn’t want to do, she feels angry and resentful.

If Alex has really reached her breaking point and wants to be in control of her life again (and she has), that means saying carefully considered nos.

“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.” – Brené Brown 

A gentle reminder: for the most part, you get to decide what you want to do and what you do not want to do. You are in charge of your calendar. Yes, there are times when you’re genuinely burdened by commitments (I’m looking at you with love, Sandwich Generation), but is everything you do truly mandatory?

A simple exercise to get perspective is writing all of your to-dos down on a piece of paper. The truth will start to reveal itself. Showing this list to a BFF can also be helpful. Often they will be more than happy to point out which of your “have-tos” are really just your overachiever mode kicking in.

Do your shoulders feel lighter yet? Can you imagine a reprieve from the deadweight you have accepted as your responsibility?

I hope so. It’s not all or nothing – you have the ability to lighten your load and still be of service to others. And I have this feeling that even if you do just half of what you normally do, you will still shine bright in the lives of many lucky people. You will still feel valued and appreciated, and enjoy it all the more now that you’ve had a full night’s sleep.

What resonated most with you from the article? Share your thoughts with us below!

Alana Ruoso is a Success Coach for Designers and Creatives who know deep down that they can do better, but keep falling short of where they want to go. With humor and honesty, Alana shows them how to ditch the struggle, own their value, and move their career from vanilla success to spectacular triumph. In addition to 20 years of experience as a Graphic Designer, Art Director, and Brand Strategist, Alana is a Life & Executive Coach and is a Mentor with Young Women in Business and the Association of Registered Graphic Designers (RGD). To work with Alana, visit www.alanaruoso.com/coaching, or dig into her success tips over at www.alanaruoso.com/dig.

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Life

How Learning the Skill of Hope Can Change Everything

Hope isn’t wishful thinking. It’s a state of being and a skill that has profound evidence of helping people achieve success in life

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Hope as a skill
Image Credit: Midjourney

Hope isn’t wishful thinking. It’s a state of being and a skill that has profound evidence of helping people achieve success in life.

Wishful thinking, on the other hand, is like having dreams in the sky without a ladder to climb, having a destination without a map, or trying to operate a jet-engine airplane without instructions. It sounds nice but is impossible to realize. You don’t have what you need to make it happen!

What Real Hope Is

Real hope is actionable, practical, and realistic. Better yet, it’s feasible and can be learned.

One popular approach is Hope Theory. This concept is used by colleges to study how hope impacts students’ academic performance. Researchers found that students with high levels of hope achieve better grades and are more likely to graduate compared to those with less hope.

Hope can be broken down into two components:

  1. Pathways – The “how to” of hope. This is where people think of and establish plans for achieving their goals.
  2. Agency – The “I can” of hope. This is the belief that the person can accomplish their goals.

Does Hope Really Work?

According to Webster’s Dictionary, hope as a noun is defined as: “desire accompanied by expectation of or belief in fulfillment.”

As humans, we are wired to crave fulfillment. We have the ability to envision it and, through hope, make it a reality.

My Experience with Hope

For 13 years, I was a hopeless human. During my time working at a luxury hotel as a front desk agent earning $11.42 per hour, I felt the sting of hopelessness the most.

The regret of feeling my time was being stolen from me lingered every time I clocked in. Eventually, I decided to do something about it.

I gave myself permission to hope for something better. I began establishing pathways to success and regained agency by learning from self-help books and seeking mentorship.

Because I took action toward something I desired, I now feel more hope and joy than I ever felt hopelessness. Hope changed me.

Hope Actually Improves Your Life

Wishful thinking doesn’t work, and false hope is equally ineffective. Real hope, however, is directly tied to success in all areas of life.

Studies show that hopeful people tend to:

  • Demonstrate better problem-solving skills
  • Cultivate healthier relationships
  • Maintain stronger motivation to achieve goals
  • Exhibit better work ethic
  • Have a positive outlook on life

These benefits can impact work life, family life, habit-building, mental health, physical health, and spiritual practice. Imagine how much better your life could be by applying real hope to all these areas.

How to Develop the Skill to Hope

As acclaimed French writer Jean Giono wrote in The Man Who Planted Trees:
“There are also times in life when a person has to rush off in pursuit of hopefulness.”

If you are at one of those times, here are ways to develop the skill to hope:

1. Dream Again

To cultivate hope, you need to believe in its possibility. Start by:

  • Reflecting on what you’re passionate about, your values, and what you want to achieve.
  • Writing your dreams down, sharing them with someone encouraging, or saying them out loud.
  • Creating a vision board to make your dreams feel more tangible.

Dreams are the foundation of hope—they give you something meaningful to aspire toward.

2. Create an Environment of Hope

  • Set Goals: Write down your goals and create a plan to achieve them.
  • Visualize Success: Use inspirational quotes, photos, or tools like dumbbells or canvases to remind yourself of your goals.
  • Build a Resource Library: Collect books, eBooks, or audiobooks about hope and success to inspire you.

An environment that fosters hope will keep you motivated, resilient, and focused.

3. Face the Challenges

Don’t avoid challenges—overcoming them builds confidence. Participating in challenging activities, like strategic games, can enhance your problem-solving skills and reinforce hope.

4. Commit to Wisdom

Seek wisdom from those who have achieved what you aspire to. Whether through books, blogs, or social media platforms, learn from their journeys. Wisdom provides the foundation for real, actionable hope.

5. Take Note of Small Wins

Reflecting on past victories can fuel your hope for the future. Ask yourself:

  • What challenges have I already overcome?
  • How did I feel when I succeeded?

By remembering those feelings of happiness, relief, or satisfaction, your brain will naturally adopt a more hopeful mindset.

Conclusion

Hope is more than wishful thinking—it’s a powerful skill that can transform your life. By dreaming again, creating a hopeful environment, facing challenges, seeking wisdom, and celebrating small wins, you can develop the real hope necessary for success in all aspects of life.

Let hope guide you toward a brighter, more fulfilling future.

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Life

The 5 Stages of a Quarter-Life Crisis & What You Can Do

A quarter-life crisis isn’t a sign you’ve lost your way; it’s a sign you’re fighting for a life that’s truly yours.

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what is a quarter life crisis
Image Credit: Midjourney

The quarter-life crisis is a well-defined set of stages—Trapped, Checking Out, Separation, Exploration, Rebuilding—one goes through in breaking free from feelings of meaninglessness, lack of fulfillment, and misalignment with purpose. I detail the stages and interweave my story below. (more…)

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Life

Here’s The Thing About Learning, Unlearning, and Relearning

Stop hoarding and start sharing your knowledge and wealth for the benefit of humankind

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sharing your knowledge
Image Credit: Midjourney

Few people have the habit of hoarding their wealth without spending.  However, it limits their motivation as they tend to get into their comfort zones.  When people start spending money, then there will be depletion in their coffers. (more…)

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Life

3 Steps That’ll Help You Take Back Control of Your Life Immediately

The key to finding “enough” is recognizing that the root of the problem is a question of self-esteem and deservedness

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How to build self worth
Image Credit: Midjourney

“It’s never enough.” (more…)

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