Connect with us

Life

Knowing Your Message vs Delivering Your Message

Avatar

Published

on

Image Credit: Unsplash

Have you ever sent a text message only to have it misinterpreted by the person reading it? Happens all the time. Have you ever given a presentation that you were totally prepared for only to have it fall flat? Happens all the time. Have you ever had someone ask you something like, “Why are you mad?” when you were not at all mad? Happens all the time.

What is going on with these communications? The answer is the difference between knowing your message and delivering your message; those are two very different things.

Effective communication is about using both.

One of the main causes of miscommunication with the spoken word has little to do with the words themselves. Research done by Prof. Albert Mehrabian (UCLA) in the 1970s showed that people overwhelmingly interpret what someone says, not just by the actual words spoken, but by the speaker’s body language and tone of voice that accompany them. His famous breakdown, known as the “7–38–55 rule, suggests that when someone is ‘taking in’ your message, here is what their brain takes into account: 7% words, 38% sound, and 55% look. This doesn’t mean that the words aren’t important, but rather, if your sound and look do not match or support the words, the words will not be believed.

Think about it. If I walked into the room and told you that I was “happy to be here today and looking forward to working with you,” but I sounded as if I was already bored and this was taking up time that I could be using to do something else, you wouldn’t believe my words. If I spoke the exact same words while having a smile on my face, making eye contact with you, and behaving like I was genuinely looking forward to working with you, there would be no disconnect, and you would stay engaged.

We have a bad habit of just opening our mouths and responding or of opening our mouths and reciting something we memorized. When we do those things, we take the human component out of the mix, and we are left with only the words, which on their own, don’t mean a whole heck of a lot and can be easily misinterpreted.

There is nowhere that is demonstrated more perfectly than in texts or emails. When I only have words to convey a message, it is easy for those words to be misread. Why? Because, when you take out the human components of vocal tone and behavior, the words are just information without any meaning attached to them. When I only have words without any meaning accompanying them, I am going to read those words based on my current situation. In other words, if I’m having a bad day, they can be read one way and if I am having a great day, they can be read another way.

We do this all the time. The result? Miscommunication.

So what can you do to make sure your messages, words, and ideas don’t get misinterpreted? Two big things.

“To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others.” – Tony Robbins

Take one breath and connect to your message

Take a breath before you open your mouth and think about how you feel about what you are about to say. Take just a moment to connect with your message. Is what you’re about to say a good thing? A bad thing? A suggestion? Are you speaking up to inform or to argue? Are you wanting to learn more about what someone else just said or are you ready to move on with the conversation?

By taking a moment to connect with how you feel about what you are about to say, your brain will help you with the appropriate tone of voice and behavior cues. When you don’t do this, you are on autopilot, and autopilot takes choice out of the mix. It causes you to react (autopilot) instead of respond (be intentional).

Use words that “set the tone”

When you are texting and emailing, feel free to include words that “set the tone.” For example, if I send you a text that reads, “I can’t handle that right now, you’re going to have to do it on your own,” that could be read as you don’t care, you don’t want to help, you are abandoning me or you are mad at me for even asking because you think I should have just taken care of it on my own to begin with.

WOW! That’s a lot of extra “stuff” to throw on top of a handful of words, isn’t it? But that’s exactly what happens. (Notice that nobody ever adds positive stuff, do they?) 😉

But, if I added just a tiny bit of context to my text (by taking a moment to think about it), it might completely avoid miscommunication and a bad situation. By doing this, I might type this instead, “I am so swamped right now, sorry. I know you can handle it! We’ll connect later,” none of those snarky or negative feelings accompany my message. I just ‘get it.’

When you start paying attention to the meaning behind your words, you can make choices in the moment that help your “audience” understand your message clearly the first time they hear or read it. That is what differentiates effective communicators from average communicators.

Robin Sacks teaches smart people how to shift their self-talk, body language, and mental attention, so that they show-up in a more powerful, confident, and effective way, no matter what the situation or who is in the room. Professionally, she is an award-winning journalist, award-winning author, professional speaker and confidence coach. Personally, she's a mom, wife, and friend. Robin has facilitated personal and professional development programs focused on Public Speaking, Executive Presence, and Self-Confidence internationally for companies including Microsoft, Panera, and American Greetings. Her own professional experience includes being an on-air talent for NBC and ABC network affiliates, during which time she trained Emmy award nominees and an Emmy award winner. Robin's coaching clients range from young athletes to Fortune 500 Executives. Get inspired anytime at https://www.robinjsacks.com. If you're ready to jump right in, check out her online course, Owning Your Confidence.

Life

A Simple but Effective Technique to Be More Confident

Avatar

Published

on

Many people want to learn how to be confident in different situations, but it’s not always easy. Maybe we’re too addicted to comparing ourselves or maybe social media has brainwashed us to believe that we should all be rich, famous, and in incredible shape. (more…)

Continue Reading

Life

The 3 Most Important Things I Learned About Personal Growth

Avatar

Published

on

Image Credit: Unsplash

When you look back on your life, what do you want to think about? Do you plan to reminisce on all of the good things that have happened and how they shaped who you are today? Or would you rather remember all of the bad decisions, challenging experiences, and mistakes made that hurt or wasted a portion of your life?

In my opinion, I think it is important to reflect on both. While it’s important to remember the hardships we’ve been through in our lives – without them we wouldn’t be where we are now. There are 3 very specific areas that I feel have helped me grow in a personal sense more than anything else in my life so far. 

These aren’t simple lessons in a book or a lecture that you can just absorb and apply to your life. These are things that I’ve learned through experience and reflection, and I’m still learning and growing today.

1. We determine how much we’re worth by what we think about ourselves, others, and life in general.

This might seem like a pretty obvious lesson in life but it’s actually one of the most important because we can determine our own worth by how we think about ourselves and the world around us. If you’re looking for success in any kind of business or social setting (dating), then I’ll tell you right now that it doesn’t matter if you have 10 billion dollars or not – people are still going to judge you based on your thoughts and beliefs alone.

What determines our value isn’t necessarily what we do with our lives (which is often based on luck) but whether or not we believe that ‘our work’ is worthy or not in some sort of grand scheme or universe. We may not always be able to control what happens in our lives, but we can always control how we value ourselves and others.

“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” – Maya Angelou

2. You don’t have to change your habits or personality just because someone else doesn’t like it – their opinions are THEIRS alone.

This is another one of those lessons that people tend to pick up on a little bit late in life, but if anything that makes its importance even worse! Basically, there’s going to come a time when you’re going to meet someone who has certain expectations of you as a person…but these expectations might not be realistic due to their motivations and personal beliefs. For example, sometimes parents might expect you to be a lawyer or doctor because that’s what they believe is best for their child.

However, this isn’t the case for everyone and so maybe your passion lies in music or writing novels. In this example, if you were also pressured into becoming a doctor – then there would obviously be some kind of conflict going on within yourself as a person. You should never have to give up something that you want to do just because someone else doesn’t like it! The reason why we’re put onto this Earth is to make our own choices and go after our OWN dreams instead of letting others determine what we can and cannot do with our lives .

3. You can’t change your life until you accept that you need to make a change.

When I was younger, I thought that this lesson would be pretty obvious – but as I got older, it really made me appreciate the fact that there are always different ways of perceiving our lives. For example, if someone wants to become rich and famous one day – their mind might simply overshadow any other possibility in their head because they feel like this is what they NEED to do right now.

However, this isn’t always true within our own lives because we think about things too literally instead of having an open mind. If you want to achieve success in any kind of business or social setting (dating) then you should be willing to try out different things instead of staying in your comfort zone. If you want something, then it’s up to YOU to actually go after it – nobody else is going to give it to you!

The three lessons above are some of the main things I want to pass on to everyone because they’ve come at an important time in my life where I need to start thinking about others instead of only myself. It’s great if we can learn to love ourselves first before anything else, but that doesn’t mean you should neglect everyone around you even though they might be your friends and family members!

If you enjoyed this article on the 3 most important things I learned about personal growth, then please share it with your friends and family! Also, check out my other articles on success & motivation as well as life lessons that could help people who are struggling with their life right now on lifengoal.com. Thanks for reading!

Continue Reading

Life

​​4 Boss Level Growth Strategies That Create an Optimized Life

Avatar

Published

on

Image Credit: Unsplash

Building a business is about more than sales, marketing, and flexing on social media. While those things tend to draw attention, they attract the wrong type of clients and are not how you build a sustainable and freedom-focused business. (more…)

Continue Reading

Life

Practicing Self-Devotion: 3 Ways Towards a More Mindful and Compassionate You

Avatar

Published

on

Image Credit: Unsplash

I can still hear the voices of my older relatives and my elementary school teachers telling me “be disciplined”, “keep at it”, to give time and energy towards what we want. As a young, impressionable child, I believed all those things because well, they made sense. They worked. And honestly, I felt like it’s the only way to flourish. (more…)

Continue Reading

Trending