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How & Why You Should Live A Life of Integrity

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Have you ever stopped to assess how honest you are? Most people lie almost every single day, or at least omit the truth, and hide their real thoughts and feelings about what is happening. Why do people do this? Let’s explore that in an open and honest discussion, including what it’s like to live with integrity at all times… to be genuine and real.

Most people consider themselves to be “good”. After a career of working with dangerous and recidivist offenders, I have had some of the most dishonest and selfish people in New Zealand tell me time and time again that they see themselves as basically good people. And a huge majority of the non-criminal friends and associates I have had also indicate that they see themselves as people of integrity… “I only lie when I have too”.

So what is integrity? In my opinion this concept requires a best-effort attempt to at all times be transparent and honest. A person of integrity is, in my mind, someone who is the same person in all situations, from the boardroom meeting, to a funeral, to breakfast with their family. They do not hide their reactions or opinions, they do not manipulate others through deception, and they do not pretend.

Very few people I have met fit this strict criteria, because most people I know (including those I would put into the “good person” category) at least omit their view of the truth regularly. Think about yourself during a normal week; how many times do you:

  • Tell someone you feel “fine” when really you feel otherwise?
  • Smile and nod in agreement with something you do not agree with?
  • Compliment someone to make them feel better, rather than because you feel a genuine impulsive desire to compliment them?
  • Help someone out without asking for anything in return, but secretly make a mental note of the favour because they now “owe you one”?
  • Allow someone to inconvenience you, frustrate you, or get in your way, just to avoid conflict?

 

Hey, we all do these things, so don’t beat yourself up! You may consider dishonesty to be limited to deliberately deceiving someone in a malicious way for your own benefit, when actually it goes far beyond that. You may find yourself being dishonest with the best of intentions. If you are like I was, you hide your feelings or tell lies for any of the following reasons:

  • To keep a situation stable
  • To avoid confrontation and conflict
  • To prevent someone’s feelings from getting hurt
  • To keep information confidential to ensure someone’s privacy
  • To avoid hassle, including having to explain yourself or defend your actions

So what’s wrong with that? What’s wrong with being “nice”? I used to believe that there was nothing wrong with this, that in fact I was being a noble person with high social intuition and emotional quotient (EQ) by keeping the peace and facilitating a happy atmosphere. But then as time passed I realised that I was actually only creating short-term positive outcomes; that unbeknownst to me I was causing long-term negative consequences. By not honestly presenting my feelings about things each and every time I had the opportunity to, I had set some precedents that ended up with something negative I had to overcome later on.

 

Some of the negative consequences of telling “good” lies

Hiding your negative feelings in reaction to something someone does or says may seem like a legitimate strategy to keep the peace and avoid unnecessary conflict. However, what you are actually doing is condoning an idea or behaviour that you truly believe is negative, and therefore giving the person who is doing it unhelpful feedback. If, for example, a friend starts going on a racist rant and you don’t argue with him, just to avoid conflict, then you are giving him feedback that it is OK to be racist. You are setting him up to reinforce his own skewed views. Later on, he assaults someone for being a different race to him, all because no-one ever challenged his distorted views.

Helping out someone without asking for anything in return, yet secretly thinking that this person now owes you a favour, may feel like you are reducing their guilt in receiving your help. Think about it: you are actually increasing guilt! They now feel vaguely indebted to you or, more likely, they feel like they are imposing on you. If instead you tell them honestly that you will ask for their help for something in the future in return, not only will they feel totally guilt-free about the exchange, they will also get a better understanding of how valuable your time is. This way you don’t set a precedent of them under-valuing you and abusing your generosity.

Put yourself in the position of someone asking for help: doesn’t it feel better when you can offer them something back in return? Doesn’t something feel more valuable when it is not completely free?

Integrity Picture Quote

 

Can you be honest in a safe way?

Yes, if you take the time to present your views and feelings appropriately. Obviously, if your boss says something you disagree with and you shout out “That’s ridiculous, don’t be such an idiot, I want you out of my life you moron!” then you put your job on the line. It’s all about how you present your feelings. There are many different ways to be honest, and being diplomatic and respectful can also have integrity. Showing respect for someone because of their position or relationship with you does not override honesty.

The only way to learn how to be genuinely honest in all situations is to practice it. You don’t have to dive straight into removing all dishonesty from your interactions this very instant. Once I realised I wanted to make this change, I started off gradually, with only observing my dishonesty at first. For a couple of weeks I didn’t try to be more honest, I just tried to catch myself out when I was lying or hiding my true feelings. I tried to analyse why I did it, and what the outcomes of doing so was.

Only after that did I start expressing my feelings more honestly, dishing them out over time in a controlled and experimental fashion. I would set mini-goals, like “today I will answer every question honestly”, or “in today’s team meeting I’m going to express that I think there could be a better way of doing x, y or z”.

So being honest is not about being brutally critical. If that’s how it comes out, then maybe you need to learn how to look for the positives in people rather than just the faults. One way of doing this is following the management practice of giving five positive feedback comments for every negative one. Don’t just express those negative feelings you hide, but also expand and increase your expression of positive ones to balance them out. There’s a lot of great things happening out there once you open your eyes by trying to find them.

One way of delivering feedback is to follow models of effective reflection. My favourite is the “BEID” model, which stands for:

Behaviour / Example / Impact / Do

Basically, to avoid personally attacking someone when you are trying to express a feeling, try following a template that clarifies what exactly you disagree with. If, for example, someone regularly makes you look bad in team meetings, you could pull them aside after one and express yourself using this model:

“I just wanted to give you some feedback on something you keep doing. I feel that you often undermine me in team meetings (behaviour), like today when you said that I didn’t get my report in on time (example). It makes me look bad in a situation where I’m not able to explain myself or the context (impact). What I would prefer is that you take me aside and discuss these with me before team meetings, so that we can look at alternatives to improve how I work (do)”.

This is much more effective than saying that he’s a jerk behind his back to your colleagues!

 

“The foundation stones for a balanced success are honesty, character, integrity, faith, love and loyalty.” – Zig Ziglar

 

 

Conclusion

There is a lot more required to the practical aspect of living a life of integrity, and it’s all about having control over how you express yourself. But it’s also about being honest with yourself first and foremost; admitting to yourself that not only can you be dishonest, you do it because you are afraid of the consequences of being honest.

I can tell you from personal experience that the transition to a life of integrity is nowhere near as hard as it seems to be. You’ll find people respect and trust you more, that they start seeking your feedback because of your integrity. One of the best things I noticed was that I felt much more comfortable and guilt-free in more situations, because I had nothing to hide. It made me feel like more of a real man.

I look forward to your honest feedback! Have a great week (and I genuinely mean that). Thanks for reading.

Dan is a lifestyle and success coach, with his own company The Inspirational Lifestyle Ltd. He lives in Auckland, New Zealand, and loves to share his advice and opinions on how to attain success. Make sure you checkout more of Dans articles at: TheInspirationalLifestyle.com

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28 Comments

28 Comments

  1. jailbreak with cydia

    Apr 14, 2016 at 9:05 am

    Valuable information. Fortunate me I discovered your website by accident,
    and I am surprised why this twist of fate didn’t took place in advance!

    I bookmarked it.

  2. Stefanie

    Mar 31, 2015 at 8:18 pm

    Good post. I certainly love this site. Thanks!

  3. clifford williams

    Jul 31, 2014 at 9:59 am

    nice to be here

  4. pawan

    Apr 1, 2014 at 3:46 am

    I absoutly agee with u if your honest and have highest level of honesty..you become fearless..

  5. Moe

    Feb 23, 2014 at 7:42 pm

    This article just gave me some info that i needed for my paper. Thank you very much 🙂 but i don’t think that some of the suggestion would go well for a boss that always wants you to agree with them.

  6. kausarbilal

    Oct 24, 2013 at 1:11 pm

    A very nice article with practical points to ponder and practice, but why the pic of Gandhi. It is a controversial figure. There might be people who don’t look at him in a way you do. So, wouldn’t it be better to chose blog image as the one that doesn’t repel people from your site or article?

  7. Raine

    Oct 17, 2013 at 9:13 am

    just got in this site today where i feel most hurt..it calm me down reading your article…

  8. Daniel Munro

    Oct 5, 2013 at 3:11 am

    Ah yes, honesty in the workplace when we don’t want to get fired!

    Such a mine-field right? However I truly believe that there is never a NEED for dishonesty, we just need to learn the appropriate METHOD to deliver our honesty. While the BEID model is very direct, there are other safer ways to express what you feel without getting fired. Sometimes we need a strategy for how to manage our managers

    I will write an article on how to manage your boss, and include some practical ways to express yourself honestly without risking your job, so keep an eye out for that one

    Of course I have to ask, if the job requires you to do things that make you feel guilt or shame, is it time to start thinking about a new path…?

  9. Marci

    Sep 23, 2013 at 3:42 pm

    I think this is attainable in your personal life, but not sure about professional life. I think it greatly depends on the work situation you are in. More than a few people have that boss that doesn’t want you to disagree. I’ll admit, that is a really unfortunate situation (and maybe not the right person is leading the team), but when survival comes into play….I’m sorry, but sometimes people need to keep their paycheck!

  10. William

    Sep 21, 2013 at 2:47 pm

    I just stumbled onto this site today. Love the article and the way of expressing feedback thru the BEID model. I love articles that hold up a mirror so I can check my way of being. I strive to be the change I want to see in the world. I will definitely be returning, thanks for sharing!

    • Joel

      Joel

      Sep 21, 2013 at 4:25 pm

      Thank you William, I’m glad you found us 🙂

    • Daniel Munro

      Oct 5, 2013 at 3:04 am

      Thanks for the kind words William, and feel free to suggest further article ideas that will give you the feedback you need to be the rolemodel you want to be

  11. Titilayo

    Sep 17, 2013 at 3:50 pm

    could not finish reading this article but i must comment on the little i read,this article is so real and so motivating.Thank you.

  12. Ernest

    Sep 14, 2013 at 8:15 pm

    I really connected with this post!!! Thumbs up

  13. Jenifer Lamug (Jing-jing)

    Sep 13, 2013 at 3:01 am

    Salute Mr. Dan. Thank you for the BEID! This is another interesting article for me to improve my attitude. I must admit that i have an attitude problem sometimes.

    • Daniel Munro

      Oct 5, 2013 at 3:02 am

      Thanks Jenifer, the BEID changed my whole style of leadership! We all slip with our attitudes sometimes – self-awareness is the best we can hope for, so we change when we see ourselves slip

  14. ann tran

    Sep 12, 2013 at 6:34 pm

    Thank you for the reinforcement. The goal is to live an authentic life.

  15. Cianna

    Sep 12, 2013 at 4:22 pm

    It was very well written. Seems like the battle of living with integrity is tougher to practice because most people around us in this materialistic society are being blinded what they think is way of living.

    • Daniel Munro

      Oct 5, 2013 at 3:01 am

      Indeed Cianna, but let us not blame them. We are raised by other people’s beliefs and not all of us are lucky enough to discover that we can change these. By living with integrity we can help others realise when they are not, and lead them to open their eyes to change and self-control

  16. Dan Munro

    Sep 12, 2013 at 3:18 am

    Thanks my friends, more to come! If you guys have any topics you’re interested in me writing about, let me know

  17. Caitleen Storm Elizabeth Chisolm Brown

    Sep 11, 2013 at 8:20 pm

    Thank you Mr Munroe this article caused me to step back and observe myself! I am going to try this 😀

    • Daniel Munro

      Oct 5, 2013 at 2:59 am

      Being honest with yourself is 10x more challengin than being honest with others, so well done you for taking that step!

  18. Carlos

    Sep 11, 2013 at 7:03 pm

    Integrity is becoming inte-dirty, Not a lot of people wake up every day with a mind set to be like that. I seen many people that don’t respect the own principles; that bothers me. As for me i prefer to lose an argument and get something from it, but that is not the case for many people i know or work with.
    Since you are so good about writing about this topics i will be happy if you next topic is compassion. I manage bars and it seems that people that are low or have no compassion will justify selfishness no matter what.
    Integrity will represent compassion but will integrity exist if we do not have compassion for others??

    • Daniel Munro

      Oct 5, 2013 at 2:56 am

      Interesting point Carlos, genuine compassion vs pretending to care – great idea for an article! Watch this space…

  19. M

    Sep 9, 2013 at 12:47 pm

    Along with one of your previous post and this, thanks for the good advice Mr. Munro.

    • Daniel Munro

      Oct 5, 2013 at 2:54 am

      No worries M, I’ll make sure to keep them coming

  20. Mr Ben

    Sep 9, 2013 at 12:12 pm

    I must say a very big thanks to mr Dan, i love this article, God bless you.

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Life

3 Simple Self-Communication Tips to Ensure You Set Yourself Up to Achieve Your Goals

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Do you ever wonder why some people seem to hit every goal they set, while others struggle to even take the first step towards their goals? The difference may be in the finer details of how the goal is being set.

Communication, whether with ourselves or with others, is critical in today’s society. When we are setting goals, we are communicating our wants and desires with our unconscious mind. Yet despite the importance of being able to communicate effectively, rarely are we ever taught how to communicate or what the meaning of communication is.

The majority of the population choose their words carelessly and assume that the recipient of that communication will understand what they meant.

We’re typically even more careless when it comes to communicating with ourselves, because our own brains should understand what we mean…right? Wrong. This is why 95% of the population never achieve their goals. This is why New Year’s Resolutions have a shelf life of 3-4 weeks.

We don’t communicate in words. For everything we say, the person we’re speaking to (including ourselves) gets an image in their head. How they interpret that image determines how they interpret what has been said to them. Allow me to demonstrate.

“I want to travel to an isolated beach and stay in a hut over the water for a week”. What picture do you have in your head? I’m guessing a beach, with a hut over the water. Pretty cool right? Here’s the thing, if we’re choosing our words carelessly, then we lack control over the picture that is created. This is a FATAL goal setting mistake.

Within our unconscious mind (the part of our mind that drives behaviour) is our filtering system, the Reticular Activating System, or RAS.

The RAS is like our internal GPS. When we set a goal, the RAS holds onto a picture of that goal and becomes like a homing device towards making it happen. How do you know you’re putting the right image into your RAS?

Here are 3 simple self-communication tips to ensure you set yourself up for success in achieving your goals:

1. Watch Your Mouth!

No, I don’t mean no swearing. The words we use when setting goals are critical to our success. There are certain words the unconscious mind processes in a negative fashion. The first word we need to remove from our vocabulary is “not” or any derivative of not (ie. don’t, can’t, etc). The unconscious mind is unable to process negatives.

Here’s an example. “Don’t think of a purple frog” What picture do you have in your head? A purple frog! When we use negatives in our communication, the unconscious mind has to get a picture of what we’ve said, then the conscious mind comes in and gives a new directive to picture. If we set a goal like “Don’t have any debt” or “I don’t want a partner who cheats on me” then we give the RAS a picture of what we don’t want. The RAS then sets out to find us what we don’t want as quickly and easily as possible. Instead focus on what you do want!

Another word to eliminate from your goal setting (and your vocabulary in general) is “try.” To the unconscious mind, try means “this isn’t important enough to commit to so I have an excuse to fail.” Anyone who “tries” to do anything rarely succeeds. Instead, remove your excuses and commit!

“Aim higher. Stay focused.” – Brandon Adams

2. Be specific!

We’ve all heard of setting SMART goals (specific, measurable, actionable, realistic and timely). Being specific when communicating your goals is particularly important to the unconscious mind.

If the goal or end result is too ambiguous, the unconscious mind won’t be able to create a picture to move towards. In the absence of a specific picture, it will continue to move towards whatever beliefs or programming is already installed in the unconscious.

For example, setting a goal to be “financially free” won’t move the RAS into action. Instead, set a specific dollar amount you want to see in the bank! Paint a clear picture for your unconscious mind to grasp. It’s worth spending time creating this picture so it’s as clear as possible. You can even print out pictures if you need to!

3. Get Emotional!

Emotions drive our unconscious minds into action. If the goals you set aren’t making you emotional (in a good way) then you’re unlikely to take action. At the same time, if your current situation isn’t making you experience negative emotions, you also won’t be motivated to act.

“Setting goals is the first step in turning the invisible into the visible.” – Tony Robbins

There are two types of goals we can set – towards motivated goals and away from motivated goals.

Away from motivated goals are when the pain or discomfort of our current situation is so intense that we have to take action.

Think about people with unhealthy habits like smoking. When they witness someone close to them die, or they have a brush with death themselves, they can easily and quickly stop smoking. People who are overweight are typically spurred into action when they are unable to fit into their wardrobe anymore.

The problem with away from motivated goals is that the motivation only lasts while the pain or discomfort is present. It’s not uncommon for someone with a weight loss goal to completely lose motivation at the halfway point because the intensity of their situation no longer overwhelms them.

Towards motivated goals focus on a reward at the end creating a strong emotion such as pride, excitement or sheer bliss.

Examples include brides wanting to look slim in their wedding dress or people who reward themselves with cars or houses remain motivated to continue taking action towards their goal. This is because even once the pain of their current situation dissipates, they are still aiming for the emotion of the reward.

It’s ok to use pain to motivate you to take action, just make sure your goal also contains towards motivation and the emotions you’ll feel once you reach the goal.

Contrary to what Freud may have caused you to believe, our unconscious mind wants to help us get what we want! We just need to communicate effectively and give our GPS (aka the RAS) the proper information so it can find the fastest, easiest route to the future we truly want!

How do you set goals and make sure you hit them? Let us know your advice below!

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Life

Build Up Your Social Media Presence Using These Three Personal Powers

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Instead of being on defense when it comes to social media, show the world you mean business with respect, compassion and dignity. Ask anyone of your friends or online connections if they’ve found themselves going down a rabbit hole online and a bunch of them probably will say, “Yep, it happened just the other day.”

Everyone is trying to yank and pull for attention in the online space. People will go to great lengths for a few minutes of your precious time. Do you ever do an inventory of how much time you actually spend on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram, Snapchat, YouTube, and so on? I’d imagine for a lot of us, that the time inventory would be incredibly imbalanced.

There was a time many years ago where Facebook actually was all about staying connected to families and friends to hear about their successes and tough times. People shared births, anniversaries, new jobs, and deaths. These things were shared with others out of simply wanting to stay in touch.

Along the way, though, businesses and entrepreneurs found a way to get their products and services out through the use of social media. We’ve used it to launch programs, books, products, conferences…you name it. Yet, where did the honoring process for other human beings get lost in the shuffle? It got lost because a hunger for the almighty currency (money) took precedence.

Bringing back these three personal elements that are within every one of us back to the online world will go a long way toward changing its current state of crisis. ­

Here are three suggestions:

1. Show respect

Everyone wants to be heard and respected. It’s not going to happen all of the time because human beings have differences of opinions. Is it so hard to simply respect another person’s opinion or thought without totally eviscerating them through online comments? We all get triggered by other people, but there is a way to respectfully disagree with others.

In fact, one way you could actually show others respect is by not reacting and commenting out of that energy. You and I are not going to agree on every single topic all the time. That’s a given as we are human. I do believe a little more respect shown in the online space can change the landscape a bit more.

“Without feelings of respect, what is there to distinguish men from beasts?” – Confucius

2. Show compassion

Understand this point about compassion: We all have the capacity to share this emotion with others. It does not mean you have to roll over and just take someone’s abuse. That’s not what I am talking about. Online bullying and scathing words have led some teenagers and adults to committing suicide.

When online behavior reaches that level, then people need to take one giant step back and ask themselves, “What’s going on inside me that I react in that way?” Alas, though, we don’t all think before writing.

Businesses especially need to be careful about their own words and phrases. Case in point: Watch social media platforms during big sports days, like Sundays during the National Football League season.

It’s tough not to “tweet” something toward your favorite team when something goes awry. Do not think you can simply get away with whatever you say because you are a multi-billion-dollar company. One streak of bad news can turn a real sweet streak of success into a pool of failure and despair. Showing compassion to others online starts with you.

3. Show dignity

Where in the world has our dignity gone as a society? This is not about politics or religion in this space. It all comes down to personal accountability and honor. Dignity for corporations and large businesses is not too hot these days. A lot of them don’t know how to effectively communicate with employees or customers through their written and verbal words.

They lean on their historic past filled with pictures of profits soaring through the roof and being the darling of whatever sector they are in for business. A lot of people in high places of power totally forget where they came from, like the bottom of the barrel, and act like fools.

The more dignity you show others in business and life, the more it will be showed towards you. This kind of follows one of those universal laws around cause and effect. The action you take (the cause) leads to the response (the effect), so be dignified in your approach to business and life.

“All labor that uplifts humanity has dignity and importance and should be undertaken with painstaking excellence.” – Martin Luther King, Jr.

When you use all three of these elements in your social media presence, more people will become attracted to you and your business. These can become the foundation for your success both today and in the future.

Which one of these 3 elements do you think is lacking most in social media today? Share your thoughts below!

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Life

How You Can Effectively Achieve Your Goals by Using the Puzzle Analogy

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I was building a 500 piece puzzle the other day with many tiny little pieces. When I opened the box, I was completely overwhelmed. There were so many pieces and many of them were very similar in color. I took a breath and thought “just do one piece at a time”. I knew that I had to come up with a plan and organize the pieces into groups before I got started. This helped me to focus and take away some of the overwhelming feelings that were coming up. I came up with a plan and executed that plan.

However, like anything in life, our plans don’t always go the way we think they will. If you can treat anything you are trying to achieve in life like a puzzle, it will help you get through the confusion and come up with a plan to achieve your goals.

Take Your Goals One Step at a Time

Putting a puzzle together is the perfect analogy for anything you are trying to achieve in life. You won’t know all the steps to take to achieve your goal until you are in the middle of it. Each step comes up when it needs to and you complete it as it comes up. Some of the pieces might need to be moved around but that is ok. It is ok if the first piece doesn’t fit, you make adjustments and move forward.

It is much less overwhelming to take it piece by piece instead of trying to figure out the whole picture before you even get started. Many things will come up that you didn’t expect and that is why you cannot see the whole picture until it is done. It is good to remain flexible and take it step by step as new things come up.

“Set your target and keep trying until you reach it.” – Napoleon Hill

Starting is the First Step to Achieve Any Goal You Want in Life

The most important thing is to start! You won’t know how it’s all going to go and you may need to change some things around in the middle. But in the end, you will have the complete picture. If you look at your goal with anxiety and think it is too hard in the beginning, then you may not even start. You only need to know the first step, get organized and all the pieces will fit into place.

I was overwhelmed when I first looked at the puzzle and I thought “maybe I won’t even do it. Is it worth it?” But I decided that I’d start, even if I didn’t finish it at least I’d try. But you know what? Once I got into the puzzle, it wasn’t so bad. It was way less overwhelming when I was in the middle of it then it was before I started.

You have time on your side. You don’t have to do it all in one day or one week or one year. You have plenty of time. That is something that helped me. There was no pressure to get it done in one day which was my original goal; the only pressure I had was that which I put upon myself.

Get Organized and Start With a Solid Plan

If you are starting out on a goal, it is important to get organized first. Yes, you won’t know everything that is going to happen but at least you will be organized enough that when things do come up, you will know how to incorporate them into your plan. Being organized will make it much easier to see where all the pieces go and save you a lot of time in the long run.

I got organized and sorted the puzzle pieces by colors as well as outside and inside pieces to make it easier to see where the pieces would fit. If I left them all in one big pile, I’d constantly have to sort through the pile to find what I was looking for and waste a ton of time. By having them broken out into smaller piles, I was able to find what I was looking for much faster and saved a lot of time.

This works with whatever it is you are trying to achieve in life. Get organized and make a plan. You will save yourself a lot of time and frustration. It is so much easier to go through little organized piles of items than one big, disorganized pile.

“Goals give you more than a reason to get up in the morning; they are an incentive to keep you going all day.” – Harvey MacKay

Get Through the Tough Times When Going for Your Goals

Before I dove into the puzzle, I was confused and a bit frustrated but determined to make it work. In the end all the pieces fit together perfectly and made a beautiful picture. It’s interesting to think of a project or a goal you want to achieve like a big puzzle with many pieces. When you first dump out the pieces, it is a mess. They just look like pieces, nothing is created yet. But as you go through the process and move things around it starts to come together.

You may hit some speed bumps along the way and get a bit frustrated, but if you are organized and take it one step at a time it will form a lovely picture in the end. So, keep going as determined as ever by moving one piece at a time.

Sometimes the piece will fit and other times you’ll need to find a different puzzle piece to go in that spot. Before you know it, you have a beautiful picture created that you never thought you’d be able to do before you started. It may be an interesting, messy, confusing, fun, bumpy ride but in the end all the pieces will form the beautiful picture that you set out to achieve.

Image courtesy of Twenty20.com

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Life

Self-Compassion Vs. Self-Esteem: How You Can Build Both

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Self-esteem can be defined as the confidence in your own abilities or worth. Self-compassion, however, can be defined by the ability to be gentle with yourself, even if you have misjudged or made a mistake.

You ask yourself from time to time, how is self esteem related to success? Having a sense of low self-esteem can really become a barrier for building your career and ultimately, living the life you want.

You may be completely competent in your skills and abilities but be too afraid to show the world your talents or too hesitant to apply for that job. Low self-esteem may hinder you in your personal life by leaving you with feelings of inadequacy or you may always be comparing yourself to someone else.

Self-esteem is not something that can be instantly repaired overnight. Building your self-esteem can take time and, most importantly, self-compassion. It is most important to be kind to yourself and accept that from time to time, you will make mistakes.

Creating a strong sense of self-compassion can ultimately bring more to your life than just a newfound sense of self-love.

Self-Compassion Vs. Self-Esteem

When looking at self compassion vs self esteem, which is more important? Self-esteem can be volatile and emotional, while self-compassion can allow you to remove your self-esteem from your value judgments of yourself.

Knowing this will allow you to look at your decisions and actions from a non-judgmental mindset. You will be able to look at your traits, both good and bad, and accept that all of them are a part of human nature.

New studies suggest that self-compassion, rather than self-esteem, may be the key that allows you to achieve more growth because you can take your best traits and cultivate them while look at your worst traits objectively.

It can be argued that improving self-compassion will ultimately serve you better in the long run than improving your self-esteem. Even if self-compassion is more important, you can still have room to improve your self-esteem while you are at it.

Here are some tips to tell you how to work on self esteem and self compassion:

1. Be Gentle with Yourself

No one is perfect and, as humans, we will all make mistakes. It is important to recognize and accept our flaws and mistakes as imperfect. Embrace that there are people that care about you, despite your flaws.

“Mistakes are always forgivable, if one has the courage to admit them.” – Bruce Lee

2. Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness has many reported benefits for improving your mental health. You can use mindfulness by becoming aware and present in the current moment. Using mindfulness can help you look at your thoughts objectively and decide “Is this a fact about myself or a judgement?”

By staying mindful of how you are speaking to yourself, you can identify where your thoughts are becoming negative and redirect your thinking to more positive thoughts.

Practicing mindfulness will help you look at the current moment without judgements or preconceived ideas about yourself and allow room for growth.

3. Allow Room to Grow

We all inherently have traits that can be seen as undesirable, yet it’s what we do with those traits that decide whether we grow or remain where we’re at in life. By looking objectively at your flaws with a growth mindset, you can transform your life.

Allow yourself to take the things about yourself that you are uncomfortable with and learn from them on how to better yourself. The takeaways would be to focus on one thing at a time and take baby steps.

4. Be Grateful

It is easy to compare ourselves and what we have, or don’t have, to those around us.

Everyone around us is putting the greatest highlights of their lives on social media, and we end up making comparisons that we shouldn’t. It is important to remember to be grateful for what you do have such as the ability to be a great writer or excel in mathematics.

“Talent is God given. Be humble. Fame is man-given. Be grateful. Conceit is self-given. Be careful.” – John Wooden

Secondly, we need to be mindful of our positive traits, and how they can benefit the world. Think about how your specific skills have served you in the past. Perhaps, you are great at taking the lead and because of that, you’re the main leader on work projects. Remember that your positive traits deserve acknowledgement and praise.

5. Do Good

It has been proven that participating in improving the well-being of those around you will aid in improving your own well-being. Doing good and helping those around you will only have a positive effect in your life.

It is not beneficial to tear others down in an effort to build yourself up. Saying and doing helpful things for others around you will not only improve their self-esteem but yours as well.

6. Practice Makes Perfect

It will take some time and commitment to truly work on your self-esteem and self-compassion. This is not a commitment to yourself that you should take lightly. Decide that now is the time for action and truly commit to remaining consistent in bettering yourself.

You may see the successful people around you and how they seem to be so confident in themselves and wonder to yourself, is self-esteem the key to success? Truthfully, the answer would be no.

The key to success lies within many factors, and self-esteem and self-compassion are only two of the factors. As far as building both areas, practicing these strategies listed will help you learn how to get better in self-esteem and self-compassion.

Which one of the above factors resonated most with you in your pursuit of building your self-compassion and self-esteem? Let us know below!

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Positivity & Self-Ownership: Your #1 Factor for Success

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Image Credit: Twenty20.com

Leaving a reliable 9-5 job and risking a steady, biweekly paycheck to live out a dream and pursue a totally different lifestyle can be terrifying. However, there is no reason to fear, aspiring entrepreneur! (more…)

Cory Young is the founder of BCC Interactive, a Philadelphia digital marketing agency with expertise in expanding businesses through search engine marketing. Cory has 10+ years experience crafting successful customized digital marketing strategies for Fortune 500 companies and small businesses alike.

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28 Comments

28 Comments

  1. jailbreak with cydia

    Apr 14, 2016 at 9:05 am

    Valuable information. Fortunate me I discovered your website by accident,
    and I am surprised why this twist of fate didn’t took place in advance!

    I bookmarked it.

  2. Stefanie

    Mar 31, 2015 at 8:18 pm

    Good post. I certainly love this site. Thanks!

  3. clifford williams

    Jul 31, 2014 at 9:59 am

    nice to be here

  4. pawan

    Apr 1, 2014 at 3:46 am

    I absoutly agee with u if your honest and have highest level of honesty..you become fearless..

  5. Moe

    Feb 23, 2014 at 7:42 pm

    This article just gave me some info that i needed for my paper. Thank you very much 🙂 but i don’t think that some of the suggestion would go well for a boss that always wants you to agree with them.

  6. kausarbilal

    Oct 24, 2013 at 1:11 pm

    A very nice article with practical points to ponder and practice, but why the pic of Gandhi. It is a controversial figure. There might be people who don’t look at him in a way you do. So, wouldn’t it be better to chose blog image as the one that doesn’t repel people from your site or article?

  7. Raine

    Oct 17, 2013 at 9:13 am

    just got in this site today where i feel most hurt..it calm me down reading your article…

  8. Daniel Munro

    Oct 5, 2013 at 3:11 am

    Ah yes, honesty in the workplace when we don’t want to get fired!

    Such a mine-field right? However I truly believe that there is never a NEED for dishonesty, we just need to learn the appropriate METHOD to deliver our honesty. While the BEID model is very direct, there are other safer ways to express what you feel without getting fired. Sometimes we need a strategy for how to manage our managers

    I will write an article on how to manage your boss, and include some practical ways to express yourself honestly without risking your job, so keep an eye out for that one

    Of course I have to ask, if the job requires you to do things that make you feel guilt or shame, is it time to start thinking about a new path…?

  9. Marci

    Sep 23, 2013 at 3:42 pm

    I think this is attainable in your personal life, but not sure about professional life. I think it greatly depends on the work situation you are in. More than a few people have that boss that doesn’t want you to disagree. I’ll admit, that is a really unfortunate situation (and maybe not the right person is leading the team), but when survival comes into play….I’m sorry, but sometimes people need to keep their paycheck!

  10. William

    Sep 21, 2013 at 2:47 pm

    I just stumbled onto this site today. Love the article and the way of expressing feedback thru the BEID model. I love articles that hold up a mirror so I can check my way of being. I strive to be the change I want to see in the world. I will definitely be returning, thanks for sharing!

    • Joel

      Joel

      Sep 21, 2013 at 4:25 pm

      Thank you William, I’m glad you found us 🙂

    • Daniel Munro

      Oct 5, 2013 at 3:04 am

      Thanks for the kind words William, and feel free to suggest further article ideas that will give you the feedback you need to be the rolemodel you want to be

  11. Titilayo

    Sep 17, 2013 at 3:50 pm

    could not finish reading this article but i must comment on the little i read,this article is so real and so motivating.Thank you.

  12. Ernest

    Sep 14, 2013 at 8:15 pm

    I really connected with this post!!! Thumbs up

  13. Jenifer Lamug (Jing-jing)

    Sep 13, 2013 at 3:01 am

    Salute Mr. Dan. Thank you for the BEID! This is another interesting article for me to improve my attitude. I must admit that i have an attitude problem sometimes.

    • Daniel Munro

      Oct 5, 2013 at 3:02 am

      Thanks Jenifer, the BEID changed my whole style of leadership! We all slip with our attitudes sometimes – self-awareness is the best we can hope for, so we change when we see ourselves slip

  14. ann tran

    Sep 12, 2013 at 6:34 pm

    Thank you for the reinforcement. The goal is to live an authentic life.

  15. Cianna

    Sep 12, 2013 at 4:22 pm

    It was very well written. Seems like the battle of living with integrity is tougher to practice because most people around us in this materialistic society are being blinded what they think is way of living.

    • Daniel Munro

      Oct 5, 2013 at 3:01 am

      Indeed Cianna, but let us not blame them. We are raised by other people’s beliefs and not all of us are lucky enough to discover that we can change these. By living with integrity we can help others realise when they are not, and lead them to open their eyes to change and self-control

  16. Dan Munro

    Sep 12, 2013 at 3:18 am

    Thanks my friends, more to come! If you guys have any topics you’re interested in me writing about, let me know

  17. Caitleen Storm Elizabeth Chisolm Brown

    Sep 11, 2013 at 8:20 pm

    Thank you Mr Munroe this article caused me to step back and observe myself! I am going to try this 😀

    • Daniel Munro

      Oct 5, 2013 at 2:59 am

      Being honest with yourself is 10x more challengin than being honest with others, so well done you for taking that step!

  18. Carlos

    Sep 11, 2013 at 7:03 pm

    Integrity is becoming inte-dirty, Not a lot of people wake up every day with a mind set to be like that. I seen many people that don’t respect the own principles; that bothers me. As for me i prefer to lose an argument and get something from it, but that is not the case for many people i know or work with.
    Since you are so good about writing about this topics i will be happy if you next topic is compassion. I manage bars and it seems that people that are low or have no compassion will justify selfishness no matter what.
    Integrity will represent compassion but will integrity exist if we do not have compassion for others??

    • Daniel Munro

      Oct 5, 2013 at 2:56 am

      Interesting point Carlos, genuine compassion vs pretending to care – great idea for an article! Watch this space…

  19. M

    Sep 9, 2013 at 12:47 pm

    Along with one of your previous post and this, thanks for the good advice Mr. Munro.

    • Daniel Munro

      Oct 5, 2013 at 2:54 am

      No worries M, I’ll make sure to keep them coming

  20. Mr Ben

    Sep 9, 2013 at 12:12 pm

    I must say a very big thanks to mr Dan, i love this article, God bless you.

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Life

3 Simple Self-Communication Tips to Ensure You Set Yourself Up to Achieve Your Goals

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Do you ever wonder why some people seem to hit every goal they set, while others struggle to even take the first step towards their goals? The difference may be in the finer details of how the goal is being set.

Communication, whether with ourselves or with others, is critical in today’s society. When we are setting goals, we are communicating our wants and desires with our unconscious mind. Yet despite the importance of being able to communicate effectively, rarely are we ever taught how to communicate or what the meaning of communication is.

The majority of the population choose their words carelessly and assume that the recipient of that communication will understand what they meant.

We’re typically even more careless when it comes to communicating with ourselves, because our own brains should understand what we mean…right? Wrong. This is why 95% of the population never achieve their goals. This is why New Year’s Resolutions have a shelf life of 3-4 weeks.

We don’t communicate in words. For everything we say, the person we’re speaking to (including ourselves) gets an image in their head. How they interpret that image determines how they interpret what has been said to them. Allow me to demonstrate.

“I want to travel to an isolated beach and stay in a hut over the water for a week”. What picture do you have in your head? I’m guessing a beach, with a hut over the water. Pretty cool right? Here’s the thing, if we’re choosing our words carelessly, then we lack control over the picture that is created. This is a FATAL goal setting mistake.

Within our unconscious mind (the part of our mind that drives behaviour) is our filtering system, the Reticular Activating System, or RAS.

The RAS is like our internal GPS. When we set a goal, the RAS holds onto a picture of that goal and becomes like a homing device towards making it happen. How do you know you’re putting the right image into your RAS?

Here are 3 simple self-communication tips to ensure you set yourself up for success in achieving your goals:

1. Watch Your Mouth!

No, I don’t mean no swearing. The words we use when setting goals are critical to our success. There are certain words the unconscious mind processes in a negative fashion. The first word we need to remove from our vocabulary is “not” or any derivative of not (ie. don’t, can’t, etc). The unconscious mind is unable to process negatives.

Here’s an example. “Don’t think of a purple frog” What picture do you have in your head? A purple frog! When we use negatives in our communication, the unconscious mind has to get a picture of what we’ve said, then the conscious mind comes in and gives a new directive to picture. If we set a goal like “Don’t have any debt” or “I don’t want a partner who cheats on me” then we give the RAS a picture of what we don’t want. The RAS then sets out to find us what we don’t want as quickly and easily as possible. Instead focus on what you do want!

Another word to eliminate from your goal setting (and your vocabulary in general) is “try.” To the unconscious mind, try means “this isn’t important enough to commit to so I have an excuse to fail.” Anyone who “tries” to do anything rarely succeeds. Instead, remove your excuses and commit!

“Aim higher. Stay focused.” – Brandon Adams

2. Be specific!

We’ve all heard of setting SMART goals (specific, measurable, actionable, realistic and timely). Being specific when communicating your goals is particularly important to the unconscious mind.

If the goal or end result is too ambiguous, the unconscious mind won’t be able to create a picture to move towards. In the absence of a specific picture, it will continue to move towards whatever beliefs or programming is already installed in the unconscious.

For example, setting a goal to be “financially free” won’t move the RAS into action. Instead, set a specific dollar amount you want to see in the bank! Paint a clear picture for your unconscious mind to grasp. It’s worth spending time creating this picture so it’s as clear as possible. You can even print out pictures if you need to!

3. Get Emotional!

Emotions drive our unconscious minds into action. If the goals you set aren’t making you emotional (in a good way) then you’re unlikely to take action. At the same time, if your current situation isn’t making you experience negative emotions, you also won’t be motivated to act.

“Setting goals is the first step in turning the invisible into the visible.” – Tony Robbins

There are two types of goals we can set – towards motivated goals and away from motivated goals.

Away from motivated goals are when the pain or discomfort of our current situation is so intense that we have to take action.

Think about people with unhealthy habits like smoking. When they witness someone close to them die, or they have a brush with death themselves, they can easily and quickly stop smoking. People who are overweight are typically spurred into action when they are unable to fit into their wardrobe anymore.

The problem with away from motivated goals is that the motivation only lasts while the pain or discomfort is present. It’s not uncommon for someone with a weight loss goal to completely lose motivation at the halfway point because the intensity of their situation no longer overwhelms them.

Towards motivated goals focus on a reward at the end creating a strong emotion such as pride, excitement or sheer bliss.

Examples include brides wanting to look slim in their wedding dress or people who reward themselves with cars or houses remain motivated to continue taking action towards their goal. This is because even once the pain of their current situation dissipates, they are still aiming for the emotion of the reward.

It’s ok to use pain to motivate you to take action, just make sure your goal also contains towards motivation and the emotions you’ll feel once you reach the goal.

Contrary to what Freud may have caused you to believe, our unconscious mind wants to help us get what we want! We just need to communicate effectively and give our GPS (aka the RAS) the proper information so it can find the fastest, easiest route to the future we truly want!

How do you set goals and make sure you hit them? Let us know your advice below!

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Life

Build Up Your Social Media Presence Using These Three Personal Powers

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Instead of being on defense when it comes to social media, show the world you mean business with respect, compassion and dignity. Ask anyone of your friends or online connections if they’ve found themselves going down a rabbit hole online and a bunch of them probably will say, “Yep, it happened just the other day.”

Everyone is trying to yank and pull for attention in the online space. People will go to great lengths for a few minutes of your precious time. Do you ever do an inventory of how much time you actually spend on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram, Snapchat, YouTube, and so on? I’d imagine for a lot of us, that the time inventory would be incredibly imbalanced.

There was a time many years ago where Facebook actually was all about staying connected to families and friends to hear about their successes and tough times. People shared births, anniversaries, new jobs, and deaths. These things were shared with others out of simply wanting to stay in touch.

Along the way, though, businesses and entrepreneurs found a way to get their products and services out through the use of social media. We’ve used it to launch programs, books, products, conferences…you name it. Yet, where did the honoring process for other human beings get lost in the shuffle? It got lost because a hunger for the almighty currency (money) took precedence.

Bringing back these three personal elements that are within every one of us back to the online world will go a long way toward changing its current state of crisis. ­

Here are three suggestions:

1. Show respect

Everyone wants to be heard and respected. It’s not going to happen all of the time because human beings have differences of opinions. Is it so hard to simply respect another person’s opinion or thought without totally eviscerating them through online comments? We all get triggered by other people, but there is a way to respectfully disagree with others.

In fact, one way you could actually show others respect is by not reacting and commenting out of that energy. You and I are not going to agree on every single topic all the time. That’s a given as we are human. I do believe a little more respect shown in the online space can change the landscape a bit more.

“Without feelings of respect, what is there to distinguish men from beasts?” – Confucius

2. Show compassion

Understand this point about compassion: We all have the capacity to share this emotion with others. It does not mean you have to roll over and just take someone’s abuse. That’s not what I am talking about. Online bullying and scathing words have led some teenagers and adults to committing suicide.

When online behavior reaches that level, then people need to take one giant step back and ask themselves, “What’s going on inside me that I react in that way?” Alas, though, we don’t all think before writing.

Businesses especially need to be careful about their own words and phrases. Case in point: Watch social media platforms during big sports days, like Sundays during the National Football League season.

It’s tough not to “tweet” something toward your favorite team when something goes awry. Do not think you can simply get away with whatever you say because you are a multi-billion-dollar company. One streak of bad news can turn a real sweet streak of success into a pool of failure and despair. Showing compassion to others online starts with you.

3. Show dignity

Where in the world has our dignity gone as a society? This is not about politics or religion in this space. It all comes down to personal accountability and honor. Dignity for corporations and large businesses is not too hot these days. A lot of them don’t know how to effectively communicate with employees or customers through their written and verbal words.

They lean on their historic past filled with pictures of profits soaring through the roof and being the darling of whatever sector they are in for business. A lot of people in high places of power totally forget where they came from, like the bottom of the barrel, and act like fools.

The more dignity you show others in business and life, the more it will be showed towards you. This kind of follows one of those universal laws around cause and effect. The action you take (the cause) leads to the response (the effect), so be dignified in your approach to business and life.

“All labor that uplifts humanity has dignity and importance and should be undertaken with painstaking excellence.” – Martin Luther King, Jr.

When you use all three of these elements in your social media presence, more people will become attracted to you and your business. These can become the foundation for your success both today and in the future.

Which one of these 3 elements do you think is lacking most in social media today? Share your thoughts below!

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Life

How You Can Effectively Achieve Your Goals by Using the Puzzle Analogy

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I was building a 500 piece puzzle the other day with many tiny little pieces. When I opened the box, I was completely overwhelmed. There were so many pieces and many of them were very similar in color. I took a breath and thought “just do one piece at a time”. I knew that I had to come up with a plan and organize the pieces into groups before I got started. This helped me to focus and take away some of the overwhelming feelings that were coming up. I came up with a plan and executed that plan.

However, like anything in life, our plans don’t always go the way we think they will. If you can treat anything you are trying to achieve in life like a puzzle, it will help you get through the confusion and come up with a plan to achieve your goals.

Take Your Goals One Step at a Time

Putting a puzzle together is the perfect analogy for anything you are trying to achieve in life. You won’t know all the steps to take to achieve your goal until you are in the middle of it. Each step comes up when it needs to and you complete it as it comes up. Some of the pieces might need to be moved around but that is ok. It is ok if the first piece doesn’t fit, you make adjustments and move forward.

It is much less overwhelming to take it piece by piece instead of trying to figure out the whole picture before you even get started. Many things will come up that you didn’t expect and that is why you cannot see the whole picture until it is done. It is good to remain flexible and take it step by step as new things come up.

“Set your target and keep trying until you reach it.” – Napoleon Hill

Starting is the First Step to Achieve Any Goal You Want in Life

The most important thing is to start! You won’t know how it’s all going to go and you may need to change some things around in the middle. But in the end, you will have the complete picture. If you look at your goal with anxiety and think it is too hard in the beginning, then you may not even start. You only need to know the first step, get organized and all the pieces will fit into place.

I was overwhelmed when I first looked at the puzzle and I thought “maybe I won’t even do it. Is it worth it?” But I decided that I’d start, even if I didn’t finish it at least I’d try. But you know what? Once I got into the puzzle, it wasn’t so bad. It was way less overwhelming when I was in the middle of it then it was before I started.

You have time on your side. You don’t have to do it all in one day or one week or one year. You have plenty of time. That is something that helped me. There was no pressure to get it done in one day which was my original goal; the only pressure I had was that which I put upon myself.

Get Organized and Start With a Solid Plan

If you are starting out on a goal, it is important to get organized first. Yes, you won’t know everything that is going to happen but at least you will be organized enough that when things do come up, you will know how to incorporate them into your plan. Being organized will make it much easier to see where all the pieces go and save you a lot of time in the long run.

I got organized and sorted the puzzle pieces by colors as well as outside and inside pieces to make it easier to see where the pieces would fit. If I left them all in one big pile, I’d constantly have to sort through the pile to find what I was looking for and waste a ton of time. By having them broken out into smaller piles, I was able to find what I was looking for much faster and saved a lot of time.

This works with whatever it is you are trying to achieve in life. Get organized and make a plan. You will save yourself a lot of time and frustration. It is so much easier to go through little organized piles of items than one big, disorganized pile.

“Goals give you more than a reason to get up in the morning; they are an incentive to keep you going all day.” – Harvey MacKay

Get Through the Tough Times When Going for Your Goals

Before I dove into the puzzle, I was confused and a bit frustrated but determined to make it work. In the end all the pieces fit together perfectly and made a beautiful picture. It’s interesting to think of a project or a goal you want to achieve like a big puzzle with many pieces. When you first dump out the pieces, it is a mess. They just look like pieces, nothing is created yet. But as you go through the process and move things around it starts to come together.

You may hit some speed bumps along the way and get a bit frustrated, but if you are organized and take it one step at a time it will form a lovely picture in the end. So, keep going as determined as ever by moving one piece at a time.

Sometimes the piece will fit and other times you’ll need to find a different puzzle piece to go in that spot. Before you know it, you have a beautiful picture created that you never thought you’d be able to do before you started. It may be an interesting, messy, confusing, fun, bumpy ride but in the end all the pieces will form the beautiful picture that you set out to achieve.

Image courtesy of Twenty20.com

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Life

Self-Compassion Vs. Self-Esteem: How You Can Build Both

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Self-esteem can be defined as the confidence in your own abilities or worth. Self-compassion, however, can be defined by the ability to be gentle with yourself, even if you have misjudged or made a mistake.

You ask yourself from time to time, how is self esteem related to success? Having a sense of low self-esteem can really become a barrier for building your career and ultimately, living the life you want.

You may be completely competent in your skills and abilities but be too afraid to show the world your talents or too hesitant to apply for that job. Low self-esteem may hinder you in your personal life by leaving you with feelings of inadequacy or you may always be comparing yourself to someone else.

Self-esteem is not something that can be instantly repaired overnight. Building your self-esteem can take time and, most importantly, self-compassion. It is most important to be kind to yourself and accept that from time to time, you will make mistakes.

Creating a strong sense of self-compassion can ultimately bring more to your life than just a newfound sense of self-love.

Self-Compassion Vs. Self-Esteem

When looking at self compassion vs self esteem, which is more important? Self-esteem can be volatile and emotional, while self-compassion can allow you to remove your self-esteem from your value judgments of yourself.

Knowing this will allow you to look at your decisions and actions from a non-judgmental mindset. You will be able to look at your traits, both good and bad, and accept that all of them are a part of human nature.

New studies suggest that self-compassion, rather than self-esteem, may be the key that allows you to achieve more growth because you can take your best traits and cultivate them while look at your worst traits objectively.

It can be argued that improving self-compassion will ultimately serve you better in the long run than improving your self-esteem. Even if self-compassion is more important, you can still have room to improve your self-esteem while you are at it.

Here are some tips to tell you how to work on self esteem and self compassion:

1. Be Gentle with Yourself

No one is perfect and, as humans, we will all make mistakes. It is important to recognize and accept our flaws and mistakes as imperfect. Embrace that there are people that care about you, despite your flaws.

“Mistakes are always forgivable, if one has the courage to admit them.” – Bruce Lee

2. Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness has many reported benefits for improving your mental health. You can use mindfulness by becoming aware and present in the current moment. Using mindfulness can help you look at your thoughts objectively and decide “Is this a fact about myself or a judgement?”

By staying mindful of how you are speaking to yourself, you can identify where your thoughts are becoming negative and redirect your thinking to more positive thoughts.

Practicing mindfulness will help you look at the current moment without judgements or preconceived ideas about yourself and allow room for growth.

3. Allow Room to Grow

We all inherently have traits that can be seen as undesirable, yet it’s what we do with those traits that decide whether we grow or remain where we’re at in life. By looking objectively at your flaws with a growth mindset, you can transform your life.

Allow yourself to take the things about yourself that you are uncomfortable with and learn from them on how to better yourself. The takeaways would be to focus on one thing at a time and take baby steps.

4. Be Grateful

It is easy to compare ourselves and what we have, or don’t have, to those around us.

Everyone around us is putting the greatest highlights of their lives on social media, and we end up making comparisons that we shouldn’t. It is important to remember to be grateful for what you do have such as the ability to be a great writer or excel in mathematics.

“Talent is God given. Be humble. Fame is man-given. Be grateful. Conceit is self-given. Be careful.” – John Wooden

Secondly, we need to be mindful of our positive traits, and how they can benefit the world. Think about how your specific skills have served you in the past. Perhaps, you are great at taking the lead and because of that, you’re the main leader on work projects. Remember that your positive traits deserve acknowledgement and praise.

5. Do Good

It has been proven that participating in improving the well-being of those around you will aid in improving your own well-being. Doing good and helping those around you will only have a positive effect in your life.

It is not beneficial to tear others down in an effort to build yourself up. Saying and doing helpful things for others around you will not only improve their self-esteem but yours as well.

6. Practice Makes Perfect

It will take some time and commitment to truly work on your self-esteem and self-compassion. This is not a commitment to yourself that you should take lightly. Decide that now is the time for action and truly commit to remaining consistent in bettering yourself.

You may see the successful people around you and how they seem to be so confident in themselves and wonder to yourself, is self-esteem the key to success? Truthfully, the answer would be no.

The key to success lies within many factors, and self-esteem and self-compassion are only two of the factors. As far as building both areas, practicing these strategies listed will help you learn how to get better in self-esteem and self-compassion.

Which one of the above factors resonated most with you in your pursuit of building your self-compassion and self-esteem? Let us know below!

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