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How To *Not* Screw Up Your Life

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I’ve seen many people screw up their life over the years.

Most of it has been the result of poor decisions and a lack of discipline. I’m no angel myself – I too have screwed up parts of my life as well.

Your life is something you should reflect upon regularly. Learn to become your own critic and commit to fixing the things you know deep down inside are screwed up. Sometimes it takes a rock bottom period in your life to work out that you’ve screwed up.

The frustrating part is that you shouldn’t have to go to hell and back to figure out that you have screwed up your life. Personal improvement and reflection can get you to a place of understanding much faster. It takes time to get there though.

You might need to spend ten minutes a day assessing your life and seeing your decisions for what they are. I know what you’re thinking though: “Tim, I don’t have ten minutes a day, I’m flat out trying to survive and stay above water!”

If that’s your answer, then my response is this: If you don’t have ten minutes a day to reflect on your life and make sure you’re not screwing it up, then you already have a massive problem. Lack of time is the beginning of all of your problems.

Here’s how you will screw up your life:

Falling for addictions you think you don’t have

We all have one of the following addictions:

– Food
– Drugs
– TV shows / Online Games
– Sex
– Escapism
– Depression / anxiety
– Money

These addictions are at the root of what goes wrong and force us to screw our lives up. No matter who you are, you’re probably suffering from one of these even if you won’t admit it. I know I’m guilty of many of these. The first step is to admit your addiction.

Pretending you’re fine and not obsessed with one of these will force you to become ignorant. Ignorant people then go on to believe the lie that they can be perfect and that the problem is with everyone else. Before you worry about someone else’s backyard, think about your own first.

“If your own backyard is full of weeds, it’s because of your addictions”

Significant other

Romantic relationships are a big part of why we screw up our lives. While it’s impossible to avoid making mistaking in this area of your life completely, you can certainly minimise the damage. Ask yourself the following questions:

Why am I in a relationship?
How do I treat the other person?
What’s one negative similarity I have experienced in each romantic relationship?

The key phrase to remember with this part of your life is that you take “you” with you to each relationship.

Until you answer the above three questions, you’ll keep experiencing the phenomenon that is déjà vu in your romantic life.

Not saying this word enough

Your life get’s screwed up because of complexity. When your time is not focused in the right areas of your life and you have too much going on, everything goes bad.

Saying no is how you take back control. If you listen to interviews of billionaires, you’ll find that they are all superb at doing one thing: saying no unashamedly.

Part of what causes us to say yes to so many meaningless offers is that we don’t want to upset people. Living in this pretend world where everybody loves us causes us to become lost. Not everyone is going to like you and that’s okay. The key I’ve found is to learn to say no with respect.

By saying no respectfully, you become much better at it. That’s because the reactions you’ll get will be far more positive.

Never taking risks

Making the decisions that are always comfortable is the fastest way to screw up your life. We must grow as human beings otherwise we fall for addictions because we become bored. Life starts to lose it’s meaning when we don’t choose uncertainty.

Having the answer to every problem is not the way to go; not having the answer to every problem but taking the risky option anyway is where you want to get to. Everything I’ve achieved in my life has come from taking a chance and not knowing what could happen.

“The times I’ve personally fallen for addictions have been when I’ve become bored or stopped growing”

In this state, I’ve wanted to choose addictions to help experience some uncertainty or a high that quickly wears off and brings me crashing back to rock bottom.

Taking risks is harder than it seems. It takes practice and discipline. The beauty is that we all get options to take risks every single day. There’s no lack of risky decisions in this world. You’ve got a playground to practice in.

“Sometimes it’s fun to swing on the monkey bars of life and fall down a few times”

Taking these seemingly crazy risks opens up your perspective. From these new heights, you can see the world for what it is: a beautiful place, full of wonderful people all trying to live their purpose and find meaning.

Risk taking will eventually lead you to your individual purpose if you stay on the right path and don’t fall for comfortable results or addictions.

Allowing limiting beliefs to win

The beliefs you have will determine whether you’ll make decisions that will screw up your life. We all have limits that are caused by our beliefs. For a long time, I thought that I couldn’t be world class because I wasn’t smart enough and didn’t have the resources.

When you analyze your beliefs (and I recommend you do), you realize that they can limit you in so many ways. The reason you don’t make certain decisions is because of the underlying belief of what you believe the outcome might be.

When you remove the speed limiter that’s controlling your life, you can go in any direction you want, at whatever pace you want. You can achieve what ever you want, whenever you want. All of a sudden, anything is possible. The challenge is that your limiting beliefs are invisible to your brain.

They’re not easy to see and it takes practice to find out what they are and then throw them in the bin. It’s worth doing though because your beliefs can mess everything up. They can cause you to be broke, selfish, unlovable and very unhappy.

Not believing in yourself

“The biggest idea, the best person, the greatest tool you have, is you!”

Your life will be screwed up when you don’t believe that you can achieve your dreams. No one else can believe in you unless you do so first. You must know that you have everything inside of you to produce any outcome you desire.

Think about all the good things you have done and focus your time on that. Be grateful for how far you’ve come and then you’ll appreciate what it takes to get to the end game. Most of all, treat yourself nicely. Talk nicely to yourself and be patient.

Thinking change is a problem

Change is not a problem; it’s an opportunity. Nothing stays the same forever and to think it will is how you’ll screw up your life. When you accept that constant change is going to occur no matter what, the surprises, shocks and bumps in the road become something you look forward to.

You’ll begin to understand that every little change is the start of a new season in your life. Change becomes a challenge to keep on growing in new and wonderful directions. The strategy you’ve been searching for is hidden in the change that is right in front of you.

Change is not the problem because change is the start of the solution. Change is the first step.

Change equals uncertainty and we’ve already said that this risky place is the destination you need to aim for. It’s where the yacht is waiting for you to take you to that place you’ve always dreamt of.

Stop screwing up your life.

If you want to increase your productivity and learn some more valuable life hacks, then join my private mailing list on timdenning.net

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Life

The Imbalanced Problem with Work/Life Balance

Balancing is for your checkbook, gymnastics, and nutrition; not for your people’s work/life ratio.

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Balance…it requires an equal distribution of value between two or more subjects to maintain steady composure and equitable proportionality. (more…)

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How to Find the Courage to Start New

Change is scary, but it’s a normal part of life.

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It’s 2023, a new year, new you, right? But how do we start over? How do we make the changes in our lives that we crave so much to see?  (more…)

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Failing is More Important Than Succeeding

Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures.

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People often consider failure a stigma.  Society often doesn’t respect the people who failed and avoids and criticizes their actions. Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures. Not to have endeavored is worse than failing in life as at some stage of your life you regret not having tried in your life.  (more…)

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5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

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Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.

 

Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:

 

1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.

 

2. Persistent Pain

 
Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
 
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.
 
 

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

 
Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
 
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
 
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
 
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.
 

4. A strong need for control

 
It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
 
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
 
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.
 
 

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

 
Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
 
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.
 
 

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

 
Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
 
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.
 

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

 
 
If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to awebliss.com and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
 
 
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