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How to Give Yourself Permission to Work in An Optimized State



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There is a global shift that is occurring across organizations and corporations. Employees are declaring they want more freedom – not just in where they work but in how and when they work as well. This is a revolution where more and more employees want to work remotely, at least some of the time. The organizations that either provide at least hybrid opportunities or full-time remote work flexibility are the ones who are able to attract, maintain, and keep their workforce. Organizations that are waiting for things to return to the pre pandemic routines, rules, and schedules are losing employees and leaders are struggling to fight against the shifting tides.

Corporations adopting this new belief system that “we are not going back to old ways” are the ones who are attracting employees, retaining employees, and having higher levels of employee satisfaction. These are the companies which will dart ahead of their competition because they have seen the new way is the evolution of how employees will be most engaged and generate the best business results.

With all this evidence pointing to this new way of working style becoming our new norm, some surprising and unexpected psychological effects have come to the surface. One of these underlying emotions is the feeling of guilt and the inability to give yourself permission to work in your most optimized state. This can seem bizarre if you are hit with it, “Why am I feeling guilty? I get to work from anywhere and on my own schedule. Isn’t this what I’ve always dreamed of having?”

You may experience feelings of guilt whether you are aware of it at a conscious or unconscious level, and this can be disruptive to your psyche. Where does this guilt come from? Guilt comes because we have been programmed over our entire lives to show up at an office and be productive for a certain amount of time, usually an 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. schedule, and in an office environment with a boss who makes all the rules. It has been indoctrinated into us since we first started attending school where we were required to be in our seats as soon as the bell rang to start class and not free to leave until the last bell rang. This same psychological conditioning of getting permission outside of ourselves has been programmed into our choices, our thoughts, our behaviors, and most importantly, our underlying beliefs about what permission means.

With the global pandemic, many organizations had to allow their workers to work remotely, which has caused a whole new cultural change in corporate culture. Now, the employees are self reliant and in charge of their own time, location, and schedule.

“Pleasure in the job puts perfection in the work.” – Aristotle

What does it mean to permit yourself to work on your own terms? Many people have never had to ask this question of themselves before. I know that I experienced this firsthand when I was working in a highly demanding corporate job with tight deadlines and ambitious goals; I ended up having a complete breakdown in the hospital with pneumonia. That breakdown led me to reevaluate my entire work-life habits, including the underlying beliefs and the mindset of why I had created them in the first place.

It turns out that permitting myself to work wherever I wanted to and also whenever I chose to instead of being attached to some outdated schedule or environment was one of the hardest psychological shifts I had to overcome. I had to look at why was it so hard to permit myself? Permission comes from you letting go of the guilt. It makes sense to have guilt because we have been indoctrinated into this belief system that you can only be productive in a specific timeframe and in a set environment. In the old paradigm, if you ventured outside of this rigid box of conformity, you were considered a slacker or rule breaker. It make sense why this guilt is there, but what you will discover is that this guilt is holding you back from reaching your highest levels of productivity.

“Success is the sum of small efforts – repeated day in and day out.” – Robert Collier

And so, permitting yourself to work when you are most optimized emotionally, mentally, physically, and even spiritually, depending on whether it is day or night or what environment you are in, you will have faster results with more significant impact. Whether you are a leader who is leading teams around the world or an employee who wants to maximize your effectiveness so that you can have more time for your personal life, permit yourself to be the most optimized version of yourself.

By dropping the guilt and relinquishing the chains of the 9-to-5, you will only skyrocket your success. As more and more people adopt this new way of thinking and being, these old patterns will begin to become just that – old-fashioned. And just like we now know that smoking is dangerous to your health, we will look back on our old antiquated ideas of how we used to be productive in the corporate world as a destructive belief system that created overwhelm, burnout, and endless causes of breakdown and stress.

Permit yourself to drop the guilt the next time you find an opportunity to work from wherever and whenever. You will find that this simple phrase, “I permit myself to be free” will set you up for long-term success. Today, give yourself permission to work as your most optimized version of yourself. That will include every factor that it takes to get there. You will find more creativity, joy, energy, and effectiveness in your day to day results.

With a wealth of experience spanning over 20 years, it’s no surprise that clients describe Tina Paterson as inspirational, strategic, and instrumental. Having worked across multiple industries around the world, Tina has led large departments, governed billions of dollars of assets, and steered teams to deliver transformation programs and projects worth hundreds of millions of dollars. The epitome of commitment and passion, Tina lives life by the ‘unbusy’ principles she practices. A mother of two and wife to husband James, a multiple marathon runner and million-dollar charity-raiser. She takes three-month family sabbaticals every five years, runs a successful business with clients across six continents, and nurtures 10,000+ blog followers. She dispels the entrenched notions of time and effectiveness and instead teaches the hard-earned strategies she has learned first-hand, to move from exhaustion and being overwhelmed to a happier, healthier, more productive leader, wife, and parent.

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The Imbalanced Problem with Work/Life Balance

Balancing is for your checkbook, gymnastics, and nutrition; not for your people’s work/life ratio.



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Balance…it requires an equal distribution of value between two or more subjects to maintain steady composure and equitable proportionality. (more…)

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How to Find the Courage to Start New

Change is scary, but it’s a normal part of life.



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It’s 2023, a new year, new you, right? But how do we start over? How do we make the changes in our lives that we crave so much to see?  (more…)

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Failing is More Important Than Succeeding

Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures.



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People often consider failure a stigma.  Society often doesn’t respect the people who failed and avoids and criticizes their actions. Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures. Not to have endeavored is worse than failing in life as at some stage of your life you regret not having tried in your life.  (more…)

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5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma



Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.


Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:


1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.


2. Persistent Pain

Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.

4. A strong need for control

It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
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