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How To Control Your Thoughts, Rebuild Your Brain, and Become a Zen Master

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meditation

This is the final installation of a three part series on identifying and eliminating limiting beliefs and ultimately becoming a master of your thoughts. In our first post we learned how to uncover and deconstruct the limiting beliefs that are holding you down. In our second post we revealed four questions to ask yourself to blast away these beliefs and achieve more! Finally, we dive into how you can take back control of your thoughts through a quick daily meditation ritual.

With twenty minutes a day you can drastically change the way you see the world and approach any situation. Meditation is often seen as a sort of “woo-woo” practice however science has proven that a daily meditation practice can help rebuild your brain’s gray matter in as little as eight weeks! On top of that it has been proven to lower blood pressure, help with diet, and reduce tension. In the episode “Unleash The Power Of Meditation” Matt dives into the six phase framework of The Envisioning Method and how you can start reaping these health benefits today.

To begin, find a place you can be completely alone and free from distraction. A place where you can be un-interrupted by the noise of the day for at least twenty minutes. Next, find a position you feel comfortable in and can easily take deep breathes. Matt notes that while lying down may seen like a great position, it is often too easy to fall asleep.

Once you are comfortable, take a few deep breaths and begin to work through each phase individually below:

1. Connection

Take a moment to realize that everything truly is connected. Everything on this planet is made up of organic matter and largely the same thing. Today, you may encounter tense situations, you may meet with someone who intimidates you. Take a deep breath, visualize these situations, and realize there’s no difference between you and them at a base level.

Remember everyone goes through hardships, everyone struggles with their thoughts from time to time. Keeping this view of people and the world will help you find perspective and not be too intimidated or disconnected from the world around you.

“Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.” – Marcel Proust

2. Gratitude

Gratitude has been scientifically proven to have health benefits. Not only does it make you an overall happier human but it can also help with sleep and other health issues. Here we want to take a few moments to think on and identify what we are truly grateful for. Gratitude starts from within, begin thinking about your inner workings.

Are you grateful for the type of person you are? For your morals? Values? Your Health? Then begin to move externally. What or who around you are you grateful for? Taking these moments to identify specific things around you that bring you joy will even subconsciously hold them with you throughout your day and increase joy and empathy.

3. Forgiveness

It was Gandhi who once said “Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong. The weak, cannot forgive.” Take a few moments and think about any grudges you may be holding on to however small they may be. Have you been avoiding that friend who stood you up? Stubbornly refusing to reach out to a loved one or friend you feel wronged you?

Realize these negative emotions are there and then begin to let them go. Holding a grudge even subconsciously can have negative impacts on your day to day life. This may not happen all at once, it could take time to completely let things go and heal these wounds but realizing they are there and that they are not good for you is the first step in healing. Remember, forgiving them is not for their benefit, it’s for you! So think hard on it and begin to let grudges go that truly don’t matter.

4. Visualize Your Day

Think about what you have to get done today. Begin visualizing your day from the moment you open your eyes as the best day it could possibly be. You stand up and get moving and things seem to fall into place. You knock out those reports you had been putting off, you deliver your presentation and everyone stands up and claps at the close.

When you walk into that big client meeting you are greeted with handshakes and smiles and your proposal is accepted because you know your clients. Allowing yourself to see your day like this through your thoughts primes you for the best. When you’re thinking about the best possible scenario you’re ignoring the worst case scenario and seeing the potential greatness in your day ahead.

5. Visualize Your Future

What are your goals for the next three years? Do you want a house? A new car? Maybe you want to provide something for your family. Take this time to see into the future that you want. That perfect future where life has dealt you a full house and you’ve achieved your dreams. See this and believe you can make it there and know that through your actions this future will one day be realized.

“The harder you work… and visualize something, the luckier you get.” – Seal

6. Blessing

Now that you’ve taken the time to acknowledge what you are grateful for, begin to forgive the grudges you may be holding, and look into the future and see your perfect day; begin focusing on your breath. Take a few minutes to feel your body relaxed and enjoy some silence with your thoughts. Once you feel completed, stand up and get ready to approach the day with an entirely new perspective, seeing the beauty and potential in every moment.

To learn more about the powers of meditation you can listen to the full episode “Unleash The Power Of Meditation”. Learn more about the Envisioning Method and how to live a happier and more fulfilling life with Vishen Lakhiani and others on The Science of Success.

How has meditation changed your life? Leave your thoughts below!

Matt Bodnar, named a “Rising Restaurateur Star” by the National Restaurant Association and a “Strategy Pro” by Restaurant Hospitality Magazine, is a partner at an early stage investment firm Fresh Hospitality where he focuses on deal making and strategy. Bodnar is also the creator and host of "The Science of Success" a #1 New & Noteworthy podcast, with more than 1 Million+ downloads, focused on improving decision-making, understanding psychology, and sharing insights from experts. Bodnar previously worked as an import/export consultant in Nanjing, China and spent several years at Goldman Sachs before returning to his family roots in the hospitality space.

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The Imbalanced Problem with Work/Life Balance

Balancing is for your checkbook, gymnastics, and nutrition; not for your people’s work/life ratio.

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How to Find the Courage to Start New

Change is scary, but it’s a normal part of life.

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It’s 2023, a new year, new you, right? But how do we start over? How do we make the changes in our lives that we crave so much to see?  (more…)

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5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

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Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.

 

Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:

 

1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.

 

2. Persistent Pain

 
Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
 
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.
 
 

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

 
Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
 
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
 
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
 
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.
 

4. A strong need for control

 
It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
 
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
 
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.
 
 

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

 
Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
 
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.
 
 

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

 
Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
 
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.
 

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

 
 
If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to awebliss.com and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
 
 
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