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Decision and Failure: Deciding That Failure is Not an Option

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why failure is important
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Nobody likes wasting time, money or opportunities by making a bad business decision. We can certainly identify what “bad” looks and feels like, however we should be identifying what the “win” looks like too. Too often we focus on the bad, which puts us in victim mode that perpetuates a scarcity mindset which leads us directly into becoming frozen or stuck.

When we are forced with a decision, we should just make the choice and not fret about what may come next. Not all decisions are bad and conversely, not all are good. Sometimes we even make good choices that end up bad or bad choices that end up good. Failure presents itself in two primary ways, through our mistakes, and in our fears. 

Make the Mistake…Fail

Learning from our mistakes can be tough yet the most successful entrepreneurs will also tell you to FAIL fast and FAIL regularly! What? Coming to understand why anyone would want to fail and be happy about failing is quite liberating. The truth is, we learn so much from our failures that we literally need failure in order to learn those lessons required to become more successful.

Sounds crazy but the truth is…. It is the truth. The word FAIL can be described as Full Accountability In Learning. When we take full accountability for where we are at, the circumstance, the situation, the event, whatever it is, we can either achieve the results desired, or we can learn from it.

When the mistake ends in learning, we should celebrate it (I think of the Disney movie, Meet The Robinson’s here – side note, it belongs on the top 10 list of movies for entrepreneurs to see). Learning requires us to make changes. Change is good. Change is necessary. Change is growth.

“Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. Failure is delay, not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead end.” – Denis Waitley

The Only Thing We Fear…Fear Itself

The second aspect of failure comes in the face of fear towards failure. When you find yourself frustrated from your last perceived failure that you are nervous about making your next decision too quickly, that is fear. When you find yourself caught up in the “paralysis by analysis” cycle and either have a difficult time making decisions or procrastinating on a decision, that is fear.

The crazy part…as hard as we try to weigh all our options to make the best possible decision, it is NOT possible to fathom all the options! Let that sit for a moment because it is almost counter cultural to think that way, yet when we do, our minds open up into a world full of possibilities. Faith returns, hope endures, procrastination crumbles.

Faith and Decision Making

The reason is that until we take that next step of faith, we have no idea of the resources, relationships, and opportunities that can and will surface from that single decision. You see, it’s literally not possible to have ALL of the information. Certainly, we need to make the best decision with the information we have at the time yet, still have faith to know and understand there will be information we do not have readily available, and it is okay.

There is a part of taking action that requires faith and persistence in continuing to move forward and pivot as we go. This is not the same as “just winging it.” Faith is fully allowing it to happen as it is designed to. Some high-level businesspeople refer to this as having no regrets on the actions taken.

Once you decide on a course of action, take steps which support that decision based on all the tools in your personal toolbox… at the time. As you continue to add new tools to your toolbox you will make stronger decisions. This is where persistence becomes crucial.

“If you learn from defeat, you haven’t really lost.” – Zig Ziglar

The Choice is Yours

It’s clear that understanding these aspects of decision making and the way you approach the process of making decisions along with how you proceed during and after a failed decision sets the tone for learning how to make better decisions that results in stronger successes. Be persistence in acting in faith and do not be afraid to fail. Having faith over fear will be key in mastering the failures made from your decisions.

International Educator, Speaker, Author, and Business Coach, Lori helps entrepreneurs and organizations focus on the foundational tools needed for sustained success. As a Curriculum Designer and Business Professor, Lori has helped grow hundreds of organizations organically (including her own company that includes Legacy Builders, Media Secrets, and Driven Mastery -- brands that help Entrepreneurs build a true, long-lasting purpose). Lori has been featured on ABC, NBC, CBS, FOX, & various regional markets. She has authored / co-authored several books and works globally to support literacy, cancer research, young entrepreneurship, and military programs. Helping raise over three million dollars for literacy, Lori was awarded the Lifetime Presidential Service Award for her work. More recently Lori co-hosts a weekly webinar entitled Marketing Essentials Unlocked, with Co-host Brain Gangel and travels extensively speaking being featured over 500 times yearly in the media. For more info visit www.lorimcneil.com.

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Life

The Imbalanced Problem with Work/Life Balance

Balancing is for your checkbook, gymnastics, and nutrition; not for your people’s work/life ratio.

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Balance…it requires an equal distribution of value between two or more subjects to maintain steady composure and equitable proportionality. (more…)

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How to Find the Courage to Start New

Change is scary, but it’s a normal part of life.

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It’s 2023, a new year, new you, right? But how do we start over? How do we make the changes in our lives that we crave so much to see?  (more…)

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Failing is More Important Than Succeeding

Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures.

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People often consider failure a stigma.  Society often doesn’t respect the people who failed and avoids and criticizes their actions. Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures. Not to have endeavored is worse than failing in life as at some stage of your life you regret not having tried in your life.  (more…)

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5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

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Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.

 

Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:

 

1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.

 

2. Persistent Pain

 
Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
 
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.
 
 

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

 
Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
 
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
 
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
 
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.
 

4. A strong need for control

 
It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
 
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
 
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.
 
 

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

 
Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
 
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.
 
 

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

 
Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
 
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.
 

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

 
 
If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to awebliss.com and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
 
 
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