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How to Be Okay With Making Mistakes and Why They’re So Important

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making mistakes

I ran my first workshop to two friends in their living room. It was pretty bad. I apologized throughout: “I’m sorry this is so bad!” My hands shook, and I fumbled my words. But a year later, when I’d run a series of successful workshops, I was glad I decided to do that first workshop from my friend’s couch. I was grateful I’d taken the risk, and given it a go because I pushed through the awkward stage in order to get to the good part.

I had similar learning experience while testing my accountability program. I didn’t get a response from one of my testers, so I assumed she had left the program. I thought nothing of it, but then received a message from her: “I thought the program was good. But when I didn’t send in my weekly report and you didn’t check in with me or follow up… I gave up.”

I was mortified. My accountability program was designed to support people each week and I had neglected to do the one thing I promised to do! But here’s what I learned: mistakes are part of it. Mistakes are a rite of passage for anything worthwhile. We have to learn for ourselves what works as it’s an important part of the journey.

Know that you will trip up and make mistakes but it is up to you if you get back up again. There is no “mistake-free” route. Life is about taking action, learning, and re-plotting.

So for anyone starting a new business or something similar, here are four things to keep in mind:

1. Don’t be afraid to let mistakes happen

Let them happen, they will crop up. There is no perfect route! We can’t learn without stumbling (a little). I see the following taglines in many business start-up webinars: “Let me share my mistakes, so you don’t make any!” It’s great to learn from people who are further ahead, but we need to make mistakes.

We have to go through our own learning, to discover what works for us. So learn from the experts or the people who are further ahead but don’t mistake this for “never doing anything wrong”.

If you’re starting something exciting, and hoping to never make a mistake, you’ll have a shock when the inevitable occurs. Instead, be open to it. What mistakes will I make? What will I learn from them? How can I grow from them?

2. Appreciate the risk you’re taking

Not everyone pursues their goal or dream. Not everyone risks new experiences. Whether it’s a new hobby or attending an event on your own, know that there are people who won’t put themselves through it. They’re too scared, and they will make excuses.

My point is to acknowledge the risk you’re taking with your new venture. The courage and strength it takes to push yourself, and keep going is tough so give yourself credit. Know that for every mistake you make, there are ten people out there who don’t have the guts to do what you’re doing. Give yourself a pat on the back. Forget about “winning” and focus on doing.

Don’t think, just do.” – Horace

3. Know that everyone goes through making mistakes

Every single person who created something amazing (a wonderful relationship; a close and loving family; a thriving business) made mistakes along the way. They messed up, they did things wrong and they allowed themselves to learn in order to come out stronger.

Think about anyone you admire: Beyonce; a New York symphony orchestra player; an Olympic snowboarder… do you think they made mistakes along the way? Did they fall down, and get back up again? Of course they did.

Because everything worthwhile involves risk. The people you see at the top of their game have all made mistakes. So take a page from their book and make mistakes now. Make them quickly, improve, and move on. You’ll soon be someone other people are asking how you got to be where you are now.

4. Ignore the judgers

There will always be people who look at what you do, without knowing much (if anything) about your situation, and comment or pass judgment. The funny thing is that most of them do it from the sidelines; they don’t get involved in the game themselves.

In my twenties, I changed jobs a lot. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do, so I tested different careers. This experience was vital to learn what worked for me. I grew from it, and it set me on the path I’m on today.

During this time, my great-aunt commented on my job-hopping. She was concerned about it, and shared that with me many times. And yet, she hadn’t worked outside of the home for 40 years.

“My mom always said that there would be haters. Not everyone can love ya.” – Joel Madden

You might wonder how someone can make groundless comments like that but people do. Childless friends who comment on your parenting style. Family members who question your decision to travel the world, when they don’t own a passport. Colleagues who tell you your business venture won’t work, when they don’t have the courage to leave the company they work for.

So what should we do? Ignore them. Let them do their thing, and you do yours, because anyone can criticize. It’s infinitely more difficult to build and accomplish. The question is: what do you want to accomplish and are you willing to risk making mistakes to get there?

What type of business do you want to build? Let us know below!

Image courtesy of Twenty20.com

Claire O'Connor is an accountability coach and writer. She works with people who need motivation and structure or who feel lost and stuck. Through her accountability program, she helps people prioritize their tasks and make progress. She is a lifelong learner/mistake-maker. She can be found at www.thefivepercent.net or at https://www.facebook.com/thefivepercent.net/.

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Life

The Imbalanced Problem with Work/Life Balance

Balancing is for your checkbook, gymnastics, and nutrition; not for your people’s work/life ratio.

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Balance…it requires an equal distribution of value between two or more subjects to maintain steady composure and equitable proportionality. (more…)

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How to Find the Courage to Start New

Change is scary, but it’s a normal part of life.

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It’s 2023, a new year, new you, right? But how do we start over? How do we make the changes in our lives that we crave so much to see?  (more…)

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Failing is More Important Than Succeeding

Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures.

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People often consider failure a stigma.  Society often doesn’t respect the people who failed and avoids and criticizes their actions. Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures. Not to have endeavored is worse than failing in life as at some stage of your life you regret not having tried in your life.  (more…)

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5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

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Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.

 

Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:

 

1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.

 

2. Persistent Pain

 
Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
 
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.
 
 

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

 
Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
 
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
 
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
 
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.
 

4. A strong need for control

 
It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
 
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
 
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.
 
 

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

 
Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
 
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.
 
 

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

 
Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
 
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.
 

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

 
 
If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to awebliss.com and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
 
 
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