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A Letter To My Former Servant Self

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Dear Tim, I’m writing to remind you of your former servant self. Before we go on I have great news:

You will go from being the servant to the master one-day soon.

It may not look like it right now, but all of this struggle you have gone through will mean something. For you to be able to grow into the person that I know you are going to become, you must see the dark times. How can you talk about changing your life if you haven’t first done so yourself?

I know you may feel like you are reacting to everything around you rather than creating your destiny, but that’s because of your conditioning. Your circumstances and friends have conditioned you to believe that life happens to you.

Me – being your wiser self – knows that this way of thinking will disappear as you mature. Trust me. If you could see what I now see, you’d be impressed.

Tim make a commitment to change one thing

To go from being the servant to the master of your destiny Tim, you must first make a small change. This is where you always went wrong before. You tried to make humongous changes that made you feel overwhelmed. What happened next was that fear got the best of you.

“Fear became like a demon that always wanted to see you lose just as you were about to score from the three-point line, in the basketball match of your life”

It was like you were about to take the shot and then got crippled by a sudden illness that made you sick.

Having seen how this plays out Tim, I need you to start by making a small change first. Try these things:

1. Go for a short walk every day
2. Give up one small addiction like chocolate
3. Commit to 15 mins of reading per day

These activities may seem pointless: they’re not. You have to try a different strategy and start heading down a new path. These new habits are small so that you can’t possibly fail. What will happen over time is that they will become longer, more in depth and will lead to even more new activities.

Tim we all experience pain

Even Richard Branson has days where he can’t be bothered. It’s hard to believe I know. All of us have bad days where we look horrible, feel dreadful, or are uninspired. None of us are perfect and in fact Tim we are all broken in some way.

It’s this brokenness that makes us individual and shows the world our true beauty. Perfection is ugly! There I said it Tim and you may not have wanted to hear that. I’m here to tell you the truth and not sugar coat things for you. That’s another thing (sugar) that you’ll give up in the future, but shhh ☺

Put yourself out there Tim

You’ve hidden for so long Tim behind your so-called success. You’ve never revealed the struggle you’ve gone through and only shown people your good side. The thing is Tim that for you to go from being the servant to the master of your destiny, you have to share what you’ve learned.

I know you think your advice is dumb and I’m telling you that you’re wrong. I’m your future self remember so trust me on this point. Those things you called failure, those fears you have, all the things you didn’t try, the world is dying to hear about it. Why? Well because your fellow human beings have the same struggles and they want to know how and why you haven’t given up yet.

What you don’t realize is that you’re actually more successful than you think. There are plenty of other people who would have given up long ago or settled for a mediocre life. Even though you are going through a low point, you are not going to allow yourself to be happy with failure.

It’s this stubbornness that you thought was your weakness, which is your true gift. This stubbornness is going to lead you towards becoming obsessed with helping others.

Tim stop being selfish

One of the key reasons you are still a servant Tim and not a Jedi master is because you haven’t discovered the gift of why you were given life. Let me whisper it in your ear:

“You were put here to serve others”

That’s it, Tim. What you’ve done wrong up until now is only worried about yourself. By worrying about yourself, you’ve become obsessed with your own happiness. You’ve ignored everyone else’s feelings and dismissed everyone else’s thoughts.

You’re living in your own world which involves living full time in your head. Your head tells you lies and you listen to them because you only focus on yourself. It’s time to be brave Tim and go out into this world to serve someone other than you!

You are the reason you’re still serving as a servant rather than creating the masterful life you’ve always wanted. You haven’t been able to visualize an empowering future because there is no one in it to join you for the ride. What fun is a future without a team of people to enjoy the party with?

Tim, everyone around you is affecting the person you want to grow into

I know you think those cool kids around you are good for you, but they’re not. Every person in your life Tim is either contributing to your growth towards becoming a master or subtracting from it. To discover who you want to become you need to surround yourself with people who have done stuff.

Let me be more concise: you need to surround yourself with people that walk into a room and get a standing ovation for the outstanding person they have become. To start with, read some autobiographies of the greats in business, politics and sport.

Once you know what greatness looks like, go out and find people who demonstrate these values and accomplishments.

One of these people is going to become your mentor. The good news is they will help guide you. The bad news is they are going to make you work ten times harder and hold you accountable. You’re lazy when it comes down to it Tim so this will be good for you. No more Netflix and pizza every Friday.

Tim the answers don’t all reveal themselves at once

This journey from being a servant, to becoming a master Tim, is a road full of fog and hidden dangers. You’ll only ever be able to see clearly for a few hundred miles. The rest of the road will be hidden from your sight.

You’ll need a vision to help imagine it and then you’ll need to take action to uncover it. What you’ve always done poorly is tried to have all the answers before committing to a new goal. The thing is Tim you can’t pre-plan the entire future.

Stuff is going to get in the way and take you off course once in a while. These distractions will consistently make you check in with yourself to ensure you are putting your time into goals that light you up.

Embrace the detours because that’s where you will find some of the answers. You may even find love in these detours too. Don’t tell anyone I told you that buddy. That one’s just for you.

Tim, don’t forget about now

You want to know Tim what the difference is between the servant and the master? It’s the Zen state called right now. Living in the past and living in the future is a dangerous place to operate from. All that fear you and I know you have will be abolished if you come back to now.

That’s what you’ve been doing wrong all this time. You’re so focused on the past and the future where you can’t control what happens. By not being in control, you fall for the servant life.

Control of your life becomes possible again when you focus on right now. Add some meditation and you’re well on your way from leaving that servant life behind that you hate so much.

Tim, don’t settle for second best

When it comes to romance Tim, you’ve always settled for second best. Right at the start, you get told some impossible problem that a new partner has and you still signup to the pain that follows. Your intuition tells you to say no and find someone else, but you ignore it.

From now on, follow your intuition. If someone tells you something that makes you feel sick and it’s miles away from where you see yourself, don’t pass go and collect $200. There’s no hurry to find the right person even though you like being in love (we all do by the way).

Take a deep breath and find “the one” that makes your heart skip a beat. Find the girl that has the high set of values you are going to one day have for yourself. When that person appears, go all in, love them like you’ve never loved anyone before and show them you care.

Do nice things for them and keep doing those same things well beyond the start of the relationship. Tell them how you feel regularly and be grateful when you find the one. It will happen. I’m your future self remember?

So how does it end for you, Tim?

This is what you’ve been dying to know. I’ve shared all these wisdom bombs with you that have given you a glimpse into your future life.

Unfortunately, Tim, I can’t tell you everything because I need you to go through the failures, broken hearts, false promises, lies, cheating and so on, so that you can develop the armor you will need to become the master and not the servant.

I know that’s not the answer you were hoping for and that’s a good thing. It’s a good thing because I want you to get used to not getting exactly what you want. That’s what those Ivy League rich kids haven’t figured out yet: you don’t get everything you want just because you have lots of money.

You’ve got to earn your new master status and I’m here to tell you that your journey has started. Never give up. You’re gong to achieve wonderful things in your life that you could never have dreamt of. One day, you’ll be giving this advice to someone else. There’s a hint of the future right there.

If you want to increase your productivity and learn some more valuable life hacks, then join my private mailing list on timdenning.net
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Balancing is for your checkbook, gymnastics, and nutrition; not for your people’s work/life ratio.

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5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

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Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.

 

Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:

 

1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.

 

2. Persistent Pain

 
Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
 
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.
 
 

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

 
Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
 
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
 
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
 
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.
 

4. A strong need for control

 
It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
 
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
 
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.
 
 

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

 
Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
 
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.
 
 

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

 
Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
 
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.
 

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

 
 
If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to awebliss.com and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
 
 
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