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A Cleansing: The Mind Wash You Didn’t Know You Needed

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I am addicted to success, but my definition of success may be different than most. Rather than a desired destination like accomplishing a goal or achieving a dream, my definition is being able to consistently make choices that bring long-lasting joy and meaning to my life AND the lives of others. Finding excitement and significance in more of our moments, that’s what I’m after.

It rained last night. And while going for a walk this morning holding my newborn baby girl in my arms, breathing in the crisp clean air, I experienced a cleansing.

The Present that Matters Most

After a few minutes of allowing my mind to wander in unintentionality, I began to bask in being present to the present. The dirt of yesterday’s regrets and tomorrow’s worries vaporized before my eyes. I felt lighter. I could see more clearly. I began focusing on the things that matter most: my family, my encouraging connections, my ability to deliberately shift my attention; caring for my mind, my body, and my emotional well-being; living for more than just a paycheck, positively contributing to the world, removing the rush and savoring the simple; looking into my baby’s eyes with awe and wonder, being overwhelmed by love, being led by love.

If we’re honest, I think it’s safe to say that most of the time we focus on matters that don’t actually matter. What a horrible way to live! Why on earth do we do such a thing? I think it’s because we buy into the lie that being busy is best. But it’s not. Being perpetually busy is simply a surefire way to burnout.

“You either control your mind or it controls you.” – Napoleon Hill

You Have Permission

Thankfully, you don’t have to walk through the rain to be washed by it. You don’t have to work yourself to the bone before you can take a break. You don’t have to reach a certain level of success before you can begin actually enjoying life. You don’t have to do anything. But you get to do so much.

Work can wait. A project can be postponed. You can take a few days off and it won’t be the end of the world. Need permission? You’ve got it. In fact, if you take a few days off to reconnect with those things that matter most, not only will you perform at a higher level, you will be living at a higher level. 

It’s Mind Wash Time

So many people care more about their cars than their minds. To prove it, which would you be more likely to notice needs to be washed first, your mind or your car? I’m guessing you said your car. And that makes sense seeing as the dirt on your car is easier to see. Ready for your mind wash? On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate yourself in each of these areas: 

  1. Family Time 
  2. Cultivating Encouraging Connections
  3. Physical Health
  4. Mental Health
  5. Spiritual Health
  6. Emotional Well-Being
  7. Present Mindedness (Focused Breathing)
  8. Personal Growth
  9. Contribution to the World
  10. Ability to remove the rush and savor the simple

After giving it some thought, what areas were the dirtiest? If you rated yourself less than a 7 in any of these categories, what are some ways you could improve in each? Write it down—RIGHT NOW—while it’s fresh on your mind. It’s way too important to just brush off and say you’ll do it some other time. 

Do you have a few hours a day set aside to give your family and those that you love your full attention? How much time a day are you investing in yourself: your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being? Are you able to scatter a few activities throughout each day that you look forward to and are genuinely excited about doing? What areas need your immediate attention, and what are you going to do about it?

Side note: Guess what the number one predictor of one’s happiness is? I’ll give you a clue: it has nothing to do with income, outlook on life, or even the climate in which you live. The number one predictor of one’s happiness is (drumroll please…) your connections, your life-giving links, your social support group. So make sure you remember just how important those relationships are. Life is all about relationships…especially the one you have with yourself!

“The mind reflects the world, and the world reflects the mind.” – James Pierce

The Mind Wash Challenge

I challenge you to wash your mind more than your car. If you don’t wash your car, forget about that analogy! Wash your mind anyway, at least once a week and see how big of a difference it can make. Make it a commitment. Put it in your calendar and set an alarm on your phone. It’s a cleansing that most don’t know they need. 

Jeff Teresi equips business professionals with the tools to break through to their next big breakthrough over and over again both professional and personally. After years of studying and learning from the experts in personal development, Jeff is most content creating creative content. His latest book is titled The 7 Key Abilities - How to Succeed 7 Days a Week. As a speaker, author, and hall-of-fame business achiever, one of his greatest motivators is motivating others. Jeff loves to travel, speak, and teach around the world at in-person and online events. Check out www.JeffTeresi.com to sign up for his free “Breakthrough Wisdom of the Week” and be sure to subscribe to his YouTube channel at https://m.youtube.com/c/JeffTeresi.

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Life

The Imbalanced Problem with Work/Life Balance

Balancing is for your checkbook, gymnastics, and nutrition; not for your people’s work/life ratio.

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Balance…it requires an equal distribution of value between two or more subjects to maintain steady composure and equitable proportionality. (more…)

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Life

How to Find the Courage to Start New

Change is scary, but it’s a normal part of life.

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It’s 2023, a new year, new you, right? But how do we start over? How do we make the changes in our lives that we crave so much to see?  (more…)

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Life

Failing is More Important Than Succeeding

Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures.

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People often consider failure a stigma.  Society often doesn’t respect the people who failed and avoids and criticizes their actions. Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures. Not to have endeavored is worse than failing in life as at some stage of your life you regret not having tried in your life.  (more…)

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5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

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Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.

 

Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:

 

1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.

 

2. Persistent Pain

 
Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
 
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.
 
 

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

 
Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
 
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
 
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
 
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.
 

4. A strong need for control

 
It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
 
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
 
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.
 
 

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

 
Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
 
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.
 
 

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

 
Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
 
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.
 

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

 
 
If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to awebliss.com and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
 
 
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