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7 Ways to Discover Happiness When You Hate the World

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In life, we are bound to experience the challenges that can sometimes put us down, it sometimes makes us forget to look at the brighter side of things. But with the help of our friends and family, we can stand up again and be able to aim for happiness. We just need to be positive and thankful for whatever we currently have.

 “Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.” ~Dalai Lama

Happiness is the most wanted dream for everyone. Almost everyone when asked about what they want in life, the answer will mostly be happiness. Happiness is always the primary goal–others are only secondary.

A mother when asked about what she wants for her child will surely answer to happiness.

Happiness is already challenging to find. But finding happiness when you hate the world is not just challenging but really daunting.

When I was on top of my career some years ago, happiness was mostly based on achievement. That was before tragedy struck. I was then supposed to be sent to the head office of my company in Vancouver. But fate was against my career path. I was diagnosed with a kidney disease. The same disease that killed some members of my family.

Sadly, I shared the same fate. I hated the world for giving me this just when I was at my prime. I was full of anger. It was the hardest time of my life. I had to stop working. I had to stay in the hospital to undergo different procedures. It was a tiring and long process; it tested what everything in me: including my faith and strength.

I was ready to give up when a friend told me that I shouldn’t. He said I’m still breathing and that is proof enough for hope. He said I just lost a job not my life, that, I can still be happy. I have my family and friends–he made me realize.

I should not be hindered by this awful disease. Instead, it should push me to fight.

I did.

It made me realize that happiness arrives through different routes.

Here’s my journey to finding happiness while hating everything that’s happening around me:

 

1. Acceptance

In my experience knowing and accepting things make everything easier. I’m not saying it will cure the pain you are experiencing but it can help you grieve. Being able to grieve is one of the most important steps in the process of healing.

Acknowledging the pain can make moving on easier. In due time, the pain will subside and the sadness will diminish.

 

2. Surround yourself with people who love you

Encouragement from people not just helps strengthen you but it also helps you regenerate.  A support system makes you feel safer and they can make you stay away from revisiting and rehashing old wounds.

If you only see the sticky mud after the rain, you will overlook the beautiful rainbow above. Positivity is the key. With friends, family and even pets, you will find the road to happiness passable.

 

3. Distract yourself

Keeping yourself busy makes you focus on other things. So, why not go and join activities that can energize your body? Activities like dancing, exercising or singing can be a better way to waste time. Staying at home all the time and not mingling with other people will just remind you of the pain.

So go out there and release all the tension in your system. You will notice that after a while, you can think clearly again and focus more on how you can achieve the happiness that you are aiming for.

 

4. Smile

Give yourself reasons to smile at people. Sometimes even the act of smiling itself can make you happier. When we are in pain, this is the first thing that we forget.

We tend to wallow too much of our losses that we forget our ability to smile. Smile and start focusing on what can make you happy.

 

5. Be positive

There is a saying that when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. When life becomes hard and difficult we need to be resilient. We should not let it put us down.

It’s not the trouble that can bring us down. Looking at the positive side of things can bring wonderful resolutions to whatever problems we encounter. Make the sour sweet.

 

6. Calm yourself by writing

Whenever I feel down and I feel like the world is just against me, I try to calm myself by writing. Keeping a journal of how I feel makes me see things in a different light. Often it allows me to work through these emotions, making me feel better and making life seem extra beautiful.

 

7. Be thankful

Aside from being positive, being thankful for what we have is one of the keys to finding happiness, whatever situation you may be in.  Most of the time because we are in pain, we don’t see the bigger picture.

We only see what we don’t like, what we hate. But the fact that we are alive and the simple things that we have like the food on our table are reasons enough to be happy.

In life, we often encounter hardships and difficulties but this should never hinder us in continuing our pursuit of happiness. Because as what Audrey Hepburn said

“The most important thing is to enjoy your life—to be happy—it’s all that matters.”

 

How do you deal with serious misfortunes? Share your thoughts  in the comment section below.

enjoys writing for It’s OK to Die™, a self-improvement blog where Dr. Monica Williams-Murphy, MD educates Americans on the importance of preparation for death and dying. Dr. Murphy is a board-certified emergency physician, blogger, grief speaker and author of a famous end-of-life decision-making book It's OK to Die™. If you want Dr. Murphy to speak at your event or need more information then please visit OKtoDie.com

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20 Comments

20 Comments

  1. Angel

    Mar 15, 2014 at 4:11 pm

    Great article, loved this, yes in hard time we have to accept things, and keep us buzzy in doing things we love to do. I tried with yoga and meditation.

  2. Jake

    Feb 17, 2014 at 4:46 am

    I was 11 years old and my mom past away from cancer . At that point in my life I was clueless on how to do things. From that point on my brother tried to do everything he can to raise me. Growing up from then I had so much anger and I still do now and I am 16 years old. I am a hockey player and have been told I am very talented however it seems everywhere I go I get screwed over. I got drafted late into the OHL where I was suppose to and told I was going to go earlier. in 2013 we moved out of the city to the middle of no where and I literally lost every single one of of my friends. I train every day to become better however I need to become better emotionally and spiritually in order for succes to come my way because right now everyday I feel so down and pissed off.

    • Wm. Derek Graham.

      Mar 30, 2014 at 11:32 am

      Hi Jake, Sorry to hear of your bereavement. You may still be struggling to come to terms with your Mum’s death. It may be helpful to contact CRUSE, a bereavement counselling service to help you work through your unresolved grief.

      Regards … William.

  3. Faisal Rehman

    Feb 6, 2014 at 3:10 pm

    Sure Cynthia,

    1st of all you should find something that can become your journal it can be a notebook, word processor, journaling application like RedNotebook, etc.
    Set up a routine (you can take your journal everywhere you go) write down your thoughts as they strike you. Journalling as part of a routine will make you more likely to stick with it. Don’t forget to date your entry. Write out and organize your thoughts and feelings, don’t feel self-conscious. You might stop writing as soon as you feel like you’ve exhausted your thoughts. Remember the more dedicated you are to your journal, the more valuable it becomes so keep writing.

    Hope I could help 🙂 if you have any questions you may tweet me @fazi_scorpion

  4. Cynthia

    Feb 3, 2014 at 4:48 am

    I want to begin a journal, do you now some tips of how can i start it?

  5. Faisal Rehman

    Feb 1, 2014 at 7:38 pm

    Aakash, awesome! Please let me know if you need help with anything 🙂

  6. Aakash

    Jan 31, 2014 at 3:44 am

    Hi faisal your article have inspired me. I will follow this 7ways as my situation is worse and undergoing so badly. I ll will take u as a role model and be happy with what I have

    • Faisal Rehman

      Feb 6, 2014 at 3:35 pm

      Aakash, keep me posted on what works out for you 😀

  7. Danica Rose Cole

    Jan 30, 2014 at 4:19 am

    This is one of the most inspiring stories I read online.:)

  8. Habee Shirzad

    Jan 28, 2014 at 10:38 am

    I Love it,

  9. ukecigarettereviews

    Jan 16, 2014 at 10:42 am

    Acceptance is the key, followed by smiling or smiling at others. Not as many smile back, but those that do are worth it!

  10. Mike Kawula

    Jan 15, 2014 at 10:57 pm

    Great post Faisal.

    I find Surrounding myself with others difficult as I don’t want my short-lived downs to impact others though I see your point how it can help.

    Great tips ~ Mike

  11. Gustavo Couto

    Jan 14, 2014 at 4:27 pm

    Great article Faisal, thank you for being brutally honest and facing this head-on. I appreciate your insights!

  12. cutieflexy

    Jan 14, 2014 at 6:25 am

    Rich and Great article. Thanks for sharing.

  13. Kgololo Mokala

    Jan 9, 2014 at 9:43 pm

    Hi Faisal

    A great article man. just the kind of staff one needs to hear when emotions are taking tall. Great stuff man, will always remember this!

    • Faisal Rehman

      Jan 10, 2014 at 7:11 am

      I appreciate your feed back Kgololo.

  14. Naomi@businessstart-ups

    Jan 7, 2014 at 10:28 pm

    Hi Faisal,

    Just reading your post made me feel happier!

    I’m sorry to hear about your kidney disease – when being struck with illness it’s a downward spiral of emotions and a constant voice that doesn’t stop. “Why me!”. “What did I do wrong”. “What have I done to deserve this”.

    The one I mainly use on your list is Distract Yourself. Like most I’ve had time off over the Christmas period. But after so many days of not doing much I feel low, depressed and lazy. My cure is to get up really early and do whatever makes me happy. By the time I get home I feel better about having a productive day.

    Also one extra tip to keep me happy is having the worlds funniest children. The things they say, how they dance and unusual requests is MORE than enough to keep me happy and laughing.

    Thanks for useful read

    Naomi

    • Faisal Rehman

      Jan 9, 2014 at 10:57 am

      Naomi, glad I could help. Thanks for sharing your insights 🙂

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Life

8 Things You Can Do to Rise Above Failure and Attain Success

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Highly successful people have tasted failure more than success. Whether its Nikola Tesla or Michael Jordan, everyone had his/her fair share of failures before rising to the pinnacle of success. Yet, most people I know are averse to the idea of failure.

When ambition fuels your desires, you become so conscious about avoiding failure that you forget to learn how to cope with it when you actually experience it. So, when you come face-to-face with adversity, it often overwhelms you.

This brings us to the question, how can you train yourself to overcome these difficulties and use them to your advantage? Here’s how:

1. Acceptance is important to overcome failure

When the going gets tough, one of the most frustrating things you may get to hear is “stay positive.” The idea of positive thinking has been misconstrued, misused, and abused continuously. Contrary to popular belief, positive thinking has nothing to do with smiling and being happy with everything that happens to you all the time. Anyone who preaches that is either lying or crazy.

Use positive thinking to learn, grow, and evolve from the experiences we gather in life. Positive thinking simply means that if you are faced with a setback, you work hard to overcome the challenges. When you experience hardships, it is alright to feel upset and disappointed. Our objective, however, is not to stay down.

2. Be honest with yourself

The most crucial part of dealing with a failure involves pausing for a couple of minutes and pondering over what happened. You need to be completely honest with yourself on why it happened.

It is easy to pull out the Smartphone, turn on the laptop or find other forms of distraction. Most people would do anything to distract themselves and keep their eyes shut to the mistakes they have made.

However, if you don’t confront, you don’t learn. And if you don’t learn, then you are setting yourself up for failure again. Albert Einstein famously stated that it was insane to do the same thing over and over again and expect a different outcome. If you don’t derive a lesson out of mistakes and failures in life, then you are doomed to keep repeating them, whether you realise it or not.

“Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.” – Henry Ford

3. Don’t beat yourself up over a temporary setback

When you have experienced a setback, many of you may succumb to the feeling that you’ll always keep failing. It is easy to convince yourself that you are indeed a failure. Don’t let such destructive ideas or thoughts creep into your head. Instead, keep reminding yourself that just because you failed today, it doesn’t mean you’d fail the next time as well.

It is also important that you treat your failure as a passing phase. When you keep moving forward, focus on the right things, and keep learning. Perceiving the setback as a temporary phase rather than something permanent is vital to developing an optimistic attitude in life.

4. Focus on nurturing and improving yourself

Failures don’t discriminate, and it comes to everyone at some point. The trick lies in learning to deal with it and what you do about it that makes all the difference. In many cases, failure happens because a person wasn’t prepared, didn’t invest time on planning or was ill-equipped. It can also be because Lady Luck decided not to shower her favours.

Except for the last one, the rest of the issues can be fixed. Prepare a list of all the things that you think resulted in your failure. Start working on them one at a time. Do everything in your capacity to rectify, improve, resolve, and develop.

5. Find inspiration and support in abundance

Interacting with someone close can be more helpful than you think. You can also learn from people who have been through similar situations and have achieved what you hope to. Gain insights on how they managed to sail through the setbacks or low-points before and during the moment of success.

Or you can gain the motivation or enthusiasm by listening to someone else from an audiobook or podcast for maybe 30-60 minutes. It doesn’t have to be focused on your current setbacks.  Change your mood and mindset back towards optimism again.

6. Adopt a constructive approach and learn from the adverse situation

Consider it as valuable feedback and take home something you can implement in the process of overcoming your failure. The following are some of the questions you need to ask yourself:

  • What is the lesson for me?
  • How can I rectify myself to avoid making the same mistake and do better next time?
  • What can I do to enjoy guaranteed success?

You don’t need to rush through the process. Some of the answers may be immediate, while others might take an hour, a day or even a week to pop up. The significant thing is to start thinking about the situation from this perspective. Also, you need to be constructive about things rather than getting stuck with denial, negativity and apathy.

7. Stop mulling over and move on

Processing the situation and accepting it is the ideal way to deal with failures. Any individual who has experienced failures will know that it is quite easy to stay stuck in the loop of similar thoughts. In fact, this may go around and around for weeks or even months.

Now, in order to be free from this trap, the one habit that might help you is the set of questions like the ones shared above. You can also create a rough plan for how you wish to move forward from here. So, take some time to sit down and write them down.

“Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.” – Winston Churchill

8. Purge out all the negativity

Another impactful way to handle the emotional meltdown and the thoughts that emerge from experiencing failure is to purge out all the negativity. In order to let everything out, you need to confide in someone close to you. There are two ways to go about it: Engaging in a conversation with someone will allow you to see it from a different perspective. The person you talk to can assist you in grounding yourself in reality again and motivate you to look for a way forward.

Or you can simply vent about it while the other person who is listening can sort things out for you. He/she can help you accept what happened and boost your spirit by instilling a sense of hope.

The significant thing to remember is that while you can’t stop obstacles from appearing in life, you can devise smart ways to handle them. If you persevere, you can easily discover opportunities that have been waiting for you on the other side. Now, as you become more efficient at dealing with the failures, you will allow yourself to see the positive side in even the toughest of scenarios.

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Life

How Stress Can Actually Improve the Quality of Your Life

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Naturally, those of us who experience less stress in our lives are more likely to succeed. So, it’s important that you learn how to reduce your daily level of stress, right? Maybe not. Recent research has shown the common wisdom about stress might be dangerously inaccurate. Psychologists tracked the health of 30,000 adults in the United States over an 8-year period. Participants were asked two important questions:

1.    “How much stress have you experienced in the last year?”
2.    “Do you believe stress is harmful to your health?” (more…)

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Life

The Truth About the Law of Attraction

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When we want something, we generally imagine the form it will take when it manifests. If we’re not careful, however, we can find ourselves attached more to the imagined form than the actual desired outcome. This is like placing an online order and expecting it to come in a blue box shipped by UPS. If we then receive a red box delivered by FedEx, we might not realize that it’s what we ordered, and never even open it!

For example, most of us say that we want money, but when money comes in the form of a free coffee or a gift or a discount, we don’t see it for what it is. We overlook it, and maybe we even say “No, thanks” and decline the gift which is, in one way or another, still money. In doing so, we fail to appreciate the value of the discount, the gift, or the freebie. If it isn’t cash being handed to us, we don’t see it as a manifestation of our desire.

The law of attraction is a funny thing.

It is much more complex and much more intricate than what it seems to be and yet, at the same time, it’s so very simple: We always get what we want. We always receive more of the energy at which we vibrate. Always.

However, if we’re acting from the energy of “I don’t deserve it” or “I don’t think I’m worthy,” then whatever it is that we receive will be negated and essentially unseen. On the other hand, if we are open, observant, and maintaining an abundance mindset, we will receive our request on numerous levels and from plentiful sources!

“Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve.” – Napoleon Hill

This is because we “place our order” not only through our words, but through our actions, our beliefs, and our thoughts.

Last month, I was open to receiving a new client. I didn’t know how it would happen, but I’d set my intention: I was going to get a new client. That night, out of nowhere, I got a message from an old student of mine. She was looking to hire me again as her coach for the upcoming college entrance exams in the U.S. But wait! I didn’t want an entrance exam client.

What I actually wanted was to get life and business coaching clients. This student was my “red box from Fed Ex.” I wanted to decline at first, but as I was about to reply, something made me stop. I asked myself, “Why am I rejecting this?”

This student is an amazing client. She pays on time. She’s not needy. She does her part. Best of all? She doesn’t short-change me. So I said yes, because I realized that the Universe was simply responding to the essence of my desire.

You see, my “Big Why” in everything I do has always been to facilitate an accelerated personal and business growth for my clients, and this student fit the bill in every way. She wanted the personal growth, she was ready to go all in and she reached out to me.

It didn’t look like the package I was expecting so I didn’t recognize it at first—and I nearly turned it away—but she was the perfect answer to my request.

Serving people like her has always been a driving force in my life.

The Universe knows that. It also knew that I wanted a client asap so that I could re-invest the money into my business, so it responded in the most ideal way… but in an unexpected form. And I came so close to missing it!

How many times have I missed other opportunities like this? How many times have I dismissed a “red box” because it wasn’t “blue?” I’ll never know. But I do know that, had I not stopped myself from sending a “No, thanks,” I would have felt as though the Universe wasn’t listening.

That’s the thing: the Universe is always listening.

The more open we are in receiving, the more we thrive. The more open our energy is, the greater the possibilities. Don’t just return that red box to the post office and keep waiting on a blue one. Ask yourself, first and foremost, if what you’re receiving at the moment matches up with your underlying desire.

See yourself living in abundance and you will attract it.” – Rhonda Byrne

The key is to be willing to receive anything and everything. How? Keep on reading1

1. Get clear on your “underlying desire.”

Identify exactly what it is that you really want—in my case, it was an ideal client (underlying) as opposed to a coaching client (surface)—and focus on that. Clear out all the mental noise and static that clouds your awareness.

2. Be flexible

Keep your eyes and mind open for anything that fits the description. When you ask for money, recognize that free coffee for what it is: $3 you were going to spend anyway, that can now remain in your pocket. Every penny on the ground, every coupon, it’s all money.

3. Keep an attitude of gratitude.

The more you appreciate what you have, the more that comes your way. Your grateful mindset opens the energetic door for more to flow your way, because “where attention goes, energy flows.” The more you focus on the things you want, the more you will draw them into your experience.

Remember, that the Universe responds to our requests in whatever way fits best within the big picture.

It’s a picture so big that we couldn’t possibly begin to see how it comes together. Trust it. Know that when you ask, you will receive. It may not come in the form you anticipate, but always in a form that responds to your underlying desire. You just have to be ready to see it.

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Life

7 Simple Ways to Master Your Emotions When Making Decisions

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A lot of people have big regrets when lying on their deathbed. These regrets are often related to bad decisions or decisions not taken. Thus, as it turns out, decision-making is dependent on great self-confidence. A person who has confidence in their decisions has an easier time making them.

Emotions also play a big role in all of this. This is a debate that has confronted two great thinkers. According to Descartes, “decisions are the product of the rational mind.” In other words, decision-making is essentially based on facts and mathematics.

But this thesis was refuted and proven to be wrong by Antonio Damasio in one of his works called “The Error of Descartes”. This was partly based on the story of Elliott, a kid that was very smart, who had above average rational capabilities, but incapable of making a decision, after a surgery to remove a brain tumor on the surface of his frontal lobes. After all his work in that matter, he concludes that a person who is incapable of emotion is incapable of making the most rational decisions.

The management of emotions is therefore completely inherent to good decision making, especially when making the most important decisions. To this end, here are 7 tips to put into practice to really master your emotions thus making the best decisions possible and never regreting them.

1. Take a step back

You must learn to take the time to identify and understand your emotions. Since physical reactions are emotionally related, also take the time to detect the reactions you have to some of your emotions. To be able to take the distance necessary to make decisions, it’s important to refer to your prefrontal cortex. This is the area of ​​the brain responsible for reasoning. To do so you need to put yourself in a stress-free environment for a few minutes.

“Your life changes the moment you make a new, congruent and committed decision.” – Tony Robbins

2. Breathe

The best way to do this is to learn to breathe deeply. This will allow activating your prefrontal cortex again, therefore, to have better control of your emotions so you do not react to them, let alone to the event that causes these emotions. Do this exercise for at least 15 minutes. It’s amazing how you can train yourself never to react, no matter what the situation. Ideally, let at least 24 hours go by before responding to a situation that would normally cause tension.

3. Pay attention

Once you are in the prefrontal cortex, put one hand on your abdomen, at the level of your intestines, and the other hand on your heart, and take the time to listen. These two parts of the body are the two major centers of vibrations and emotions. This is why it’s important to listen and pay attention to them.

The purpose of this exercise is to become aware of your gut and heart. What you need to remember is that the only person you need to trust is yourself. By practicing this exercise, one thing will become very clear: what the emotion you feel seeks to convey to you about the decision you have to make.

Since everything is energy, first make sure that the vibration of the decision you are about to make and that of your heart and gut are in sync. You will then know whether to go ahead with your decision or reject it based on whether you feel serenity or heaviness.

4. Discern untruths

It is important to know whether your nervousness is the result of an untruth you’ve told yourself. These can corrupt the vibrations that should help you make the right decision. You have to throw out all of these untruths and come to the decision-making without any filter. Stop thinking that you’re unlucky, that you’re in a bad situation, that your life is a failure, or that you are a victim.

5. Become aware of your emotions instead of avoiding them

To become aware of your emotions, you must learn to coach yourself. Ask yourself questions: How did you feel the last time you had to ask these types of questions? What did you get in return? Rename what you felt and the result you obtained from what you decided to do. You will thus be much better at assimilating, understanding, and welcoming your emotions.

6. Be as present as possible

There is no point in focusing on the big events surrounding the decision you want to make. Concentrate instead on the present moment, without analyzing the events. Judge based on emotions rather than the event. By being more present, you will be better able to listen to your emotions and feel them.

Life is a matter of choices, and every choice you make makes you.” – John C. Maxwell

7. Make your emotions your allies

Each of your emotions speaks to you through the physical and physiological reactions that they generate in you. Look to the weight of their impact on you as an indicator. Only by listening to them, using them, and managing them can you manage your emotions.

Habit comes with practice. With time, these 7 points will become much more natural and will become automatic. You will make better decisions for yourself.  This is one of the best ways to not end up with one of the big regrets.

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