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5 Self-Defeating Messages to Immediately Stop Telling Yourself

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Is it too much to ask for? A comfortable home, freedom to jet away on relaxing vacations, success at pursuing your dream. I wanted it all, too.

After getting two fancy degrees in wildlife biology, I grew tired of field life. I was waking up at 4:00 every morning to haul 60 lbs. of mammal traps into the pine woods of Mississippi. On a good day, I’d collect data on my catch before it hit a hundred degrees outside.

When I found out that people made a living doing work they designed on their own, I was all in. I told myself it would have to be all or nothing, my wildlife job or my dream work. So, I quit my job, bought a url, and opened up shop.

 

No limits
 

I went through my savings in less than a year. I had zero income and felt like all I was doing was chasing my own tail and getting nowhere. The harder I had to work at my dream, the more I told myself that I couldn’t do it. Little did I know that it wasn’t my dream that was getting in my way. It was all the lies I was telling myself about how to actualize it.

Here are 5 dangerous messages that sabotage your success and how you can stop calling yourself a failure:

 

1. My dream won’t succeed until I quit my job

Thinking you have to choose between your job or your dream can lead to rash decisions. You can still enjoy your dream work, build the life you want, and make money on the side, even while you work your day job. Stop telling yourself that you can’t pursue your dream unless you leave your career. Working a job can afford you the time you need to grow your success slowly.

 

2. I’ll never be as good as everyone else

Comparing yourself to others only leads to someone else’s version of success. Only you know the life you want to build. Stop telling yourself that you’ll reach success exactly the way other people did. You are the only one who holds the keys to your own successful path.

“The most difficult times are the ones we give ourselves.” – Pema Chodron

3. I can’t start until I’m an expert

One of the biggest stumbling blocks to success is resistance to getting started. Don’t wait for all the lights to turn green. You know more about your direction than most other people do. Stop telling yourself that you’re not good enough to start. Use what you know and start your path of advancing toward your dream.

 

4. I’m a failure if I don’t succeed within a year

Defining your success by a restricted time line is one of the quickest ways to nose-dive. Whether your success is measured by going full-time with your dream, becoming profitable from what you envision, or pursing work you love, success happens in its own time. Stop telling yourself that you failed if you don’t reach your goals in a certain time period. Invest your time in strategizing what will get you ahead, not dreaming about time lines. Celebrate successful milestones along the way.

 

5. I don’t have the time to chase my dream

Telling yourself you don’t have time only shelves your dream before you even get started. We all have 24 hours in a day. Learn to manage your priorities, not your time. Stop telling yourself you need extra time to fulfill your dream. Take the time you have and do something different with it.

“You will never find time for anything. If you want time, you must make it.” – Charles Burton

Today, I work a job I love and build my dream in a smart, focused way. Struggling on my own taught me to practice my craft, respond to challenges effectively, and target my efforts where they count the most.

Following your dream is hard enough without telling yourself you’ll never make it. Don’t be your own worst spokesperson. Fashion your success according to what works for your own situation. Formulate empowering assumptions about yourself. Success isn’t established by the final outcome.

The only one who can determine your success or failure is you! What self-defeating message are you currently telling yourself and what are you going to do about it? Please leave your answers and comments below!

Anne Bechard's got a secret superpower to turn side-hustle bloggers into cash-flow machines. She writes for Business Insider, Huffington Post, and Entrepreneur Magazine.

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Life

9 Harsh Truths Every Young Man Must Face to Succeed in the Modern World

Before chasing success, every young man needs to face these 9 brutal realities shaping masculinity in the modern world.

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Image Credit: Midjourney

Many young men today quietly battle depression, loneliness, and a sense of confusion about who they’re meant to be.

Some blame the lack of deep friendships or romantic relationships. Others feel lost in a digital world that often labels traditional masculinity as “toxic.”

But the truth is this: becoming a man in the modern age takes more than just surviving. It takes resilience, direction, and a willingness to grow even when no one’s watching.

Success doesn’t arrive by accident or luck. It’s built on discipline, sacrifice, and consistency.

Here are 9 harsh truths every young man should know if he wants to thrive, not just survive, in the digital age.

1. Never Use Your Illness as an Excuse

As Dr. Jordan B. Peterson often says, successful people don’t complain; they act.

Your illness, hardship, or struggle shouldn’t define your limits; it should define your motivation. Rest when you must, but always get back up and keep building your dreams. Motivation doesn’t appear magically. It comes after you take action.

Here are five key lessons I’ve learned from Dr. Peterson:

  • Learn to write clearly; clarity of thought makes you dangerous.

  • Read quality literature in your free time.

  • Nurture a strong relationship with your family.

  • Share your ideas publicly; your voice matters.

  • Become a “monster”, powerful, but disciplined enough to control it.

The best leaders and thinkers are grounded. They welcome criticism, adapt quickly, and keep moving forward no matter what.

2. You Can’t Please Everyone And That’s Okay

You don’t need a crowd of people to feel fulfilled. You need a few friends who genuinely accept you for who you are.

If your circle doesn’t bring out your best, it’s okay to walk away. Solitude can be a powerful teacher. It gives you space to understand what you truly want from life. Remember, successful men aren’t people-pleasers; they’re purpose-driven.

3. You Can Control the Process, Not the Outcome

Especially in creative work, writing, business, or content creation, you control effort, not results.

You might publish two articles a day, but you can’t dictate which one will go viral. Focus on mastery, not metrics. Many great writers toiled for years in obscurity before anyone noticed them. Rejection, criticism, and indifference are all part of the path.

The best creators focus on storytelling, not applause.

4. Rejection Is Never Personal

Rejection doesn’t mean you’re unworthy. It simply means your offer, idea, or timing didn’t align.

Every successful person has faced rejection repeatedly. What separates them is persistence and perspective. They see rejection as feedback, not failure. The faster you learn that truth, the faster you’ll grow.

5. Women Value Comfort and Security

Understanding women requires maturity and empathy.

Through books, lectures, and personal growth, I’ve learned that most women desire a man who is grounded, intelligent, confident, emotionally stable, and consistent. Some want humor, others intellect, but nearly all want to feel safe and supported.

Instead of chasing attention, work on self-improvement. Build competence and confidence, and the rest will follow naturally.

6. There’s No Such Thing as Failure, Only Lessons

A powerful lesson from Neuro-Linguistic Programming: failure only exists when you stop trying.

Every mistake brings data. Every setback builds wisdom. The most successful men aren’t fearless. They’ve simply learned to act despite fear.

Be proud of your scars. They’re proof you were brave enough to try.

7. Public Speaking Is an Art Form

Public speaking is one of the most valuable and underrated skills a man can master.

It’s not about perfection; it’s about connection. The best speakers tell stories, inspire confidence, and make people feel seen. They research deeply, speak honestly, and practice relentlessly.

If you can speak well, you can lead, sell, teach, and inspire. Start small, practice at work, in class, or even in front of a mirror, and watch your confidence skyrocket.

8. Teaching Is Leadership in Disguise

Great teachers are not just knowledgeable. They’re brave, compassionate, and disciplined.

Teaching forces you to articulate what you know, and in doing so, you master it at a deeper level. Whether you’re mentoring a peer, leading a team, or sharing insights online, teaching refines your purpose.

Lifelong learners become lifelong leaders.

9. Study Human Nature to Achieve Your Dreams

One of the toughest lessons to accept: most people are self-interested.

That’s not cynicism, it’s human nature. Understanding this helps you navigate relationships, business, and communication more effectively.

Everyone has a darker side, but successful people learn to channel theirs productively into discipline, creativity, and drive.

Psychology isn’t just theory; it’s a toolkit. Learn how people think, act, and decide, and you’ll know how to lead them, influence them, and even understand yourself better.

Final Thoughts

The digital age offers endless opportunities, but only to those who are willing to take responsibility, confront discomfort, and keep improving.

Becoming a man today means embracing the hard truths most avoid.

Because at the end of the day, success isn’t about luck. It’s about who you become when life tests you the most.

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Change Your Mindset

The Four Types of Happiness: Which One Are You Living In?

Most people chase success only to find emptiness, this model reveals why true happiness lies somewhere else.

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In a world driven by rapid technological growth and constant competition, many people unknowingly trade joy for achievement. (more…)

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Change Your Mindset

The Secret Daily Routines Behind History’s Most Brilliant Thinkers

Uncover the daily rituals and hidden habits that powered history’s most brilliant minds to success.

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Why Daily Rituals Matter

Every great achiever has one thing in common: discipline. Behind the novels, inventions, discoveries, and masterpieces are small, consistent habits repeated daily. (more…)

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Finances

From Debt to Financial Independence: A Practical Roadmap Anyone Can Follow

It’s about having control over your money and not letting money control you.

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The 21st century has brought incredible opportunities but also new challenges. Rapid technological change, global uncertainty, and shifting lifestyles have made many people think more deeply about financial freedom. (more…)

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