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4 Ways You Can Build Self-Confidence Right Now



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Self-confidence: some people have oodles of it, others…not so much. I was one of the latter types. Whenever I attempted something, my lack of self-confidence would creep into my mind with thoughts such as: “You aren’t good at this.” “Why are you even thinking that you are going to succeed?” “You are useless.” Unfortunately, I listened to the negativity that was swirling through my brain whenever I tried to do anything to improve myself.

Failure would come and then the self-accusation and the negative confirmations flooded into my thinking. “See, you failed! What made you think otherwise? You have always failed.”

Self-confidence stems out of self-esteem, an my self-esteem was at low tide. What I needed was unstoppable self-esteem and self-confidence. It was something I knew wouldn’t happen over night.

Developing self-confidence takes determination, focus, and work. You need to hit the “kill switch” of negative thinking and inject positivity into your life. But, how do you up the confidence level? You need to stop looking at your failures and refocus. You need to understand that there are some things that you have done right!

Here are 4 ways you can build your confidence to new levels:

1. Consider your past successes

Let’s be honest now. Not everything you have done has failed has it? There are things that you have done well and succeeded in. Remind yourself of those past successes. Let them dictate to you that you aren’t a failure after all. Don’t listen to the negativity anymore. Replace it with a new soundtrack of positivity that celebrate your previous successes.

When you look back at the things you have achieved in the past, what happens? Confidence starts to stir. Grab hold of that confidence and move forward with it.

Tell yourself “I’ve managed to do things well in the past and I can be successful in the future.” Are things going to go smoothly? No! Whenever you try something, there is bound to be a mistake or failure crop up along the way. Nonetheless, allow these to teach and guide you as you journey along the path of success.

“Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see a shadow.” – Helen Keller

2. Upskill

We never stop learning (unless we choose to). What is it that you want to improve about yourself? What do you want to change about your life? There may be a new career you want to take on, or maybe there’s a skill set that you currently have that you want to enhance.

As you learn and develop new skills, your confidence is boosted. Learning is the ultimate self-esteem “pick me up” as it enhances you as a person. It develops you and you will find that your self-confidence increases.

3. Try something that you have never done before

There are always opportunities to try new experiences. The other month my wife and I went to Osaka, and experiencing the Abeno Harukas building . Here, you can experience “Edge the Harukas”,  which means you can go to the top of the building, go outside and lean backward 300 metres above the ground. I am not a fan of heights, but for some reason there was a resolve in me to do this!

Then I came to understand that doing something like that added to my self-confidence. I am not saying that you have to go and do something daring (unless you want to), but try something you have never done before. When you do, guess what happens? You have just chalked up another success. Add it to the pile and keep going!

4. Surround yourself with positive people

To change your thinking and your beliefs means you need to change what and who you are listening to. You have well-meaning people who tell you not to get your hopes up. They say things like “Not everyone is successful,” or “Successful people only got there by luck.” You are told to accept your lot in life.

The people who say these things are sincere in their empathy toward you. They don’t want to see you hurt or disappointed. However, these people are misguided in their counsel. It’s time to change your circle of influence. Find people who will tell you that you can succeed. People who will encourage you rather than pat you sympathetically on the bag and tell you “Success is for others and not you.”

“Surround yourself with positive people who believe in your dreams, encourage your ideas, support your ambitions, and bring out the best in you.” – Roy Bennett

Go to meetup groups where you can be with like-minded individuals who can provide you with advice, guidance and friendship. Find mentors who have done what you long to do and reach out to them. You will find that they are willing to help you succeed. Start building networks with people who are going to encourage you and provide you with the positivity that you need.

When you are around positive people, how do you feel? When someone is there guiding you and telling you that you can succeed, where is your confidence level? When your mentor high-fives you and says “See, I knew you could do it!” you will find that your confidence has skyrocketed.

When I found people that encouraged me instead of filling me with negativity and self-doubt was when I found my confidence growing, expanding, and strengthening.

Which one of these 4 ways to build self-confidence resonates most with you and why?

Brian Simms is the founder of "Dream Successes" and is passionate about assisting others become the best they can be. He has a qualification in psychology and has a mission to help half a million people reach their dreams by changing their thinking. You can follow "Dream Successes" on Instagram (@dreamsuccesses) and at"

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Failing is More Important Than Succeeding

Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures.



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People often consider failure a stigma.  Society often doesn’t respect the people who failed and avoids and criticizes their actions. Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures. Not to have endeavored is worse than failing in life as at some stage of your life you regret not having tried in your life.  (more…)

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5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma



Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.


Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:


1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.


2. Persistent Pain

Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.

4. A strong need for control

It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
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3 Simple Steps to Cultivate Courage and Create a Life of Meaning

we cultivate meaning in our lives when we pursue our calling



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Our deepest human desire is to cultivate meaning in our lives. Our deepest human need is to survive. (more…)

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Grit: The Key to Your Ultimate Greatness

Grit is an overlooked aspect of success, but it plays a critical role.



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A grit mindset is an essential key to your greatness. It’s what separates those who achieve their goals from those who give up and never reach their potential. It’s also the difference between success and failure, happiness and misery. If you want to be great and achieve your dreams, then you need grit. Luckily, it’s something that can be learned. Please keep reading to learn more about grit and discover four ways to develop it. (more…)

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