Life

4 Ways You Can Be More True To Yourself

Published

9 years ago

Dec 13, 2013

Have you ever worked hard towards a goal only to feel that those around you either distanced themselves or are opinionated and un-supportive about what you are doing?

Well, my friends…..welcome to success.

Less is More

Many years ago, I implemented changes into my life and was dedicated to seeing them through. Weighing 95Kgs, suffering heavy depression, anger and alcoholism, I had come to a point where things had to change as I was headed for nowhere. Quitting alcohol cold turkey and hiring a personal trainer, my focus became primarily on the vision of gaining a better life for myself. You would think that knowing the state I was in, that all people would be supportive in the new direction I had taken, however that is to be naive. It took only a few months for many friends to drop off and for the uninvited negative slander that came my way. Some people, even deliberately tried to sabotage my early stages of achievement.

Whilst disappointed at first with those who could not understand the importance of my dedication to a new life, I had to quickly learn not to take things too personal. Why? Because if I took into consideration the conflicting opinions and unsupportive behavior of others, I would have placed my values second best and most likely forfeited my goals.

After enormous amounts of time, energy and commitment, I lost 35kg’s (77 pounds), defeated depression and have been without alcohol for 4 years. Along side combatting these, I have gained an entire new life of true happiness and have never looked back. With time, the return of friends I thought I had lost reentered my life.

Quality Over Quantity

Friends and people are of utter importance, but the distancing or elimination of those who distract, hold us back and fill our minds with negativity, is a positive step in the right direction. It seems harsh, but it is unnecessary to make excuses for those who do not allow us to be ourselves in the way we choose. What humanity at times fails to remember is that we are all unique in our form, thoughts and desires, which is enough reason to do individually what we need to do.

The fear of loneliness or loss is a roadblock in the journey of success. If we desire to have our dreams come true and be focused, it comes with a price – at first. Letting go of people who stand in our way, in time highlights those who are backing us all the way. We begin to see who is with us no matter what stage we are in life and we are able to form stronger friendships that enable us to be ourselves without feeling bad.

People who dislike or sometimes unknowingly discourage our changes, positive outcomes and success, have issues of their own. Perhaps they feel threatened, insecure, challenged, jealous and/or weren’t true friends to begin with. Learning to respond to these types of personalities, with gentleness and without taking offence, can leave the door open for future friendship and being a possible support or inspiration to them. It also allows us not to take on burdens of those who do not approve.

Shoe on the other foot

All of us at some point have made an opinion on another being, due to where we stand. Perhaps next time we want to share our opinion with someone who is striving towards their goals, we need to remember the difference between those who support us and those who oppose us.

Are we being the friend who allows or tries to hold someone back?

You

Placing ourselves as number one is unselfish, if what we are aiming for betters our life, health, relationships and existence. To have a vision, does not mean that everyone needs to be onboard with it. If it is in your heart, follow your heart. Time spent alone, to listen to the inner voice in keeping your compass pointing in your own direction, also roots a deep friendship with yourself – the one who can support you the most.

Free yourself of the ties that prevent you from being you and you will thank yourself that you stopped for no one.

true to yourself

Related Topics:always improving be yourself improve more self develop self help self improve Self Improvement self realisation true true to yourself

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5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

Published

2 weeks ago

Jan 25, 2023

Joel Brown (Founder of Addicted2Success.com)

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.

Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:

1. Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.

2. Persistent Pain

Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.

Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.

Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.

Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.

These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.

4. A strong need for control

It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.

This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.

It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.

These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.

If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to awebliss.com and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.