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4 Ways to Eliminate Negative Emotions

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negative emotions

For most people, negative emotions feel like a scary monster under the bed. You try to ignore the monster by hiding your face under the covers, but the more you try to avoid it, the larger and scarier the monster becomes and your imagination keeps churning out an awful image as you desperately try to pretend he’s not lurking in the shadows.

You’d love to confront the monster, but it’s just too scary. That’s the way most people feel about negative thoughts. They want to slay the monster and make it never come back to them, but they feel terrified, hopeless, and outclassed.

You have read self-promising guides that teach you exactly how to kill this scary monster, but after applying every tidbit that the guide teaches you, it feels like it’s working and then soon after, here’s the monster looming about again and showing his personality, whenever you’re in a negative mood.

You know things can’t keep going on this way, one way or another something has to change. Relax. It’s all going to be okay. What you need is a super clear, easy to read guide, that will help you learn how to use your mind to remain calm and stay positive whenever you’re angry or in a negative mood.

Here are 4 ways to eliminate those negative emotions:

1. Take Responsibility

The fastest and most dependable antidote that totally cures negative emotions is to immediately say “I am responsible”, whenever something happens that triggers anger or a negative reaction of any kind.

80% of the population never accepts complete responsibility for their life. Most people keep complaining, making an excuse, criticizing, and continues blaming others for the things in their life about which they are not happy.

People don’t want to accept responsibility; people spill hot coffee on themselves and sue the restaurant that sold them the hot coffee in the first place.People get drunk, drive off the road, and then proceed to sue the manufacturer of the twelve year old car they were driving.

The question most people ask in any negative situation is, whose fault is it? And the bitter truth is that nobody really wants to accept blame. So they end up blaming others. But if you want to be happy, get unstuck, and be at peace with everyone, you have to be willing to take responsibility instead of blaming others and that’s by saying “I am responsible” for neutralizing the feelings of negativity.

“You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today.” – Abraham Lincoln

2. Use Your Intelligence

Ever heard of the old Indiana story? “On my shoulder are two wolves, one is a black wolf, evil, who continually tempts me to do and say the wrong things. On my other shoulder is a white wolf, good, that continually encourages me to take responsibility and live up to my very best.”

The listener asks the old man, “which one of these wolves has the greatest power over you? The old man replied, “the one I feed.” The law of substitute says you can substitute a negative thought for a positive one. But here’s the deal, your mind is allowed to hold one thought at a time, and the choice is yours to use your intelligence in giving you the chance to rule your state of your mind.

Whenever there’s a negative situation, simply affirm the words, “I choose to be positive”. No matter what happens, your life is being controlled by the things you allow to drive your emotions and purpose. So stop feeding the negative creature and start feeding the positive one.

3. Never Complain

Yes. You read that right, never complain, even if it feels like nothing’s going right. Make decisions in your life today that you will never again be upset or angry over the things you cannot affect or change.

When Jesus Christ was in the world, some parts of the bible said that every time people would try to provoke him to anger, he would reply to them with peaceful words and actions and then move on.

You must learn how to take control of every situation in your life, instead of blaming others for the wrongs, accept the situation and look for a peaceful way to power through it. Forgive yourself for the past, learn how to let things go and move on. Helen Keller said, “when you turn toward the sunshine, the shadow falls behind you.” You can only affect people positively if you are a product of positivity.

4. Get Yourself Busy

Here’s an old saying, ‘the devil only uses idle hands for evil work.’ Most people tend to respond to a negative situation because at that moment they’re idle or depressed. If you want to get rid of negative emotions, get yourself busy working toward your goals and things that matter to you, so that you don’t have any time to think about or respond to any negative emotion from anyone.

Rather than getting stuck and becoming unhappy, set important goals for yourself every day and take positive action toward achieving each goal. Your ability to exert self-discipline and willpower in the acceptance of personal responsibility for your life will help you take complete control of your thoughts and feelings.

By doing so, you’ll become a much more effective, happy, and positive person in everything you do. Resolve today to accept 100% responsibility for everything you are and everything you become.

“The greatest gifts you can give your children are the roots of responsibility and the wings of independence.” – Denis Waitley

Select one person in the past with whom you are finding it hard to forgive and resolve to forgive that person completely for what happened. Doing this will liberate you emotionally.

Accept the full responsibility for your financial problem and refuse to blame anyone for your financial situation, instead take the step to resolve the situation. Accept full responsibility for your health and start doing whatever is necessary to attain excellent health. Start flexing your muscles today to peacefully attend to all things you have accepted responsibility for and see how positive you’ll become.

How do you stop negative emotions when they present themselves? Leave your thoughts below!
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6 Comments

6 Comments

  1. Andrew Loader

    Jan 6, 2017 at 10:13 pm

    I really enjoyed this post. I was reading it on a bad morning, after a huge fight with a friend, in a week where I had received very little income. Hence I was quite down. Yet this post has really resonated with me. I do to take more responsibility for what’s happening in my life. I can’t blame others for my own actions, or my financial situation. I’m already quite good at planning, but I do need to get my act together putting my plans into action. And yes, I really should begin to forgive some of those I’ve blamed in the past, and leave bad feelings in the past too.

    I know I’ve read this post a couple of weeks after it was written, but it was perfect timing for me.

  2. Charles emmanuel

    Dec 21, 2016 at 3:06 pm

    Cephas, thanks for this post and am particularly in love with the quote you use “The greatest gifts you can give your children are the roots of responsibility and the wings of independence.” – Denis Waitley you are one of the most inspiring writers i,ve seen. keep it up
    just shared

  3. Nellie

    Dec 18, 2016 at 12:57 am

    I love love love this! So completely what I needed today. A situation that has been troubling me lately and I can’t stop ruminating about has me so unhappy. I am taking responsibility! I am choosing to be happier. Thank you so much. Well done!

    • Cephas Tope

      Dec 21, 2016 at 2:33 pm

      Am happy to hear that Nellie,

      Thank’s so much!

  4. Ewen Munro

    Dec 18, 2016 at 12:32 am

    Great post, Cephas! 3. is a good indicator of where a person is at, and really, it comes down to them to realize that they are in control of their situation and that they have to 1. Take Responsibility. Awesome stuff! 😉 #keepgrowing #keepcreating

    • Cephas Tope

      Dec 21, 2016 at 2:32 pm

      Thanks so much Ewen,

      Glad you find it valuable.

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Life

6 Reasons Why You Should Never Glorify Failure After You’ve Failed

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Many people are ashamed of failure. If they so much as smell a whiff of failure, they quit instantly because the public notices it quickly. But you shouldn’t be ashamed of failure. A lot of people have failed. I’ve failed over and over again in my career, business, relationships and more. Yet, I keep trying because failure isn’t the final verdict. (more…)

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How to Move Forward When All Seems Lost

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A few weeks ago, the relationship of my venture with a long-term client turned rocky. Losing them would mean a huge loss for my business, but it appeared like that’s where we were headed. My mind raced with unpleasant thoughts. Maybe the client had figured out that I couldn’t lead my team well. Maybe I was not good enough to be an entrepreneur. Maybe I was not good enough to do anything.

Why was the world so unfair?! Within moments, my anxiety had shot through the roof and my heart was racing faster than an F1 car engine. But I know I’m not the only one who feels like this.

Why Problems Overwhelm Us

As human beings, we’re good at solving problems, so they shouldn’t stress us out. Yet, they do just that. Why?

Consider some of these situations in life. When a relationship is headed for troubled waters, we wonder whether our partner loves us anymore. Our mind unearths memories of when we got dumped or rejected. We blame ourselves for falling for the wrong people and tell ourselves that we’re not worth receiving love.

How do you think the relationship will steer after that? If we cannot stick to a diet, we think of other times when we gave up. We remember what people said about things that we couldn’t do and ask ourselves, “were they right?” We tell ourselves that we don’t have what it takes to succeed at anything.

Do you think we’ll find the grit to stick to the diet after this? So here we are… thinking we’re not good enough to be entrepreneurs, to be loved, to get promoted, or to achieve our personal goals. Notice a pattern yet? We move in the wrong direction. The destination is to achieve the goal. And unless we stop giving into emotions and start addressing situations, we’ll keep failing to get there.

Negative emotions (and even extremely positive ones) blur our vision. The more we focus on them, the deeper we go into how we feel. We either get angry because things aren’t the way we want them to be, or get paralyzed by the fear of the worst possible outcome. This means we pull away from the one thing we must do to set things right — take action.

“If you can’t sleep, then get up and do something instead of lying there and worrying. It’s the worry that gets you, not the loss of sleep.” – Dale Carnegie

How to Take Action in the Face of Problems

Most human beings are good at solving problems. Where we get blindsided is at diagnosing the right problem. To diagnose the right problem, we must address the situation instead of emotions. We must see things for what they are, collect facts on what we’re worrying about, and then ask ourselves, “What should I do next?”

In his book “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living”, Dale Carnegie wrote: “Neither you nor I nor Einstein nor the Supreme Court of the United States is brilliant enough to reach an intelligent decision on any problem without first getting the facts.”

To address the tricky situation with my client, I took the following three steps:

1. First, I acknowledged the feeling

Solving a problem doesn’t mean ignoring emotions. It’s important to acknowledge how you feel because it reveals the path, but domesticating your emotions is more important. I acknowledged how I felt by saying, “I feel anxious because the client might not want to work with us anymore and this will be a financial loss for us.”

Note how I said “I feel anxious” and not “I’m a loser.” If I had given into negative chatter, I wouldn’t have uncovered the direction to move in (the part after “because”). This is why domesticating emotions is crucial.

2. Next, I prepared for the worst

We often run from our worst fears rather than facing them despite knowing that the worst outcome rarely comes true. The result is that we stay stuck in fear instead of pushing beyond it. And we never discover what we’re really capable of, which sucks.

In my case, the worst meant losing the client. It would hurt but it was the truth. However, we could get more clients. Plus we already had other clients who helped us pay the bills. In other words, I wouldn’t have to live on the street.

The moment I accepted this, a huge weight got lifted off my chest. This prepared me for the third and final step.

“Expect the best. Prepare for the worst. Capitalize on what comes.” – Zig Ziglar

3. Lastly, I examined the situation

Examining a situation means setting aside your emotional baggage and focusing on facts. When you trust that you’ll be okay, you become better at diagnosing the real problem. Once I felt lighter, I could see things clearly.

I used the 5 Whys Technique (asking “why” five times) to figure out the real reason for the client’s dissatisfaction. Then I collected data on the issue and on what we had previously delivered.

Finally, I reached out to the CEO of the client and held a detailed and constructive discussion based on my findings. Within four days, the CEO and I were back to the way things were before.

The best way to prepare for tomorrow is to give today your best. I’m not sure whether the issue with the client got resolved for good or whether the client won’t pack up and leave one day. However, I am sure that I’m prepared to handle such cases better today than I was yesterday.

Control your emotions instead of letting them run amok. Accept things for what they are instead of what you want them to be. Be realistic instead of delusional. Address the situation instead of succumbing to emotions.

Don’t preempt what lies ten miles ahead and get paralyzed by fear. Address what lies clearly in front of you and keep moving. One day you’ll be surprised about how close to your destination you are.

How do you move forward when all hope seems to be lost? Share your advice below!

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8 Effective Tips to Improve Your Emotional Wellbeing

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You know what they say, “Health Is Wealth”. But, more often than not, we only mean it in the context of physical health. There’s no question that being fit is the world’s greatest treasure. Unfortunately, not a lot of us take time out to look after our emotional health and wellbeing.

Let’s not forget – it’s ‘Mind Over Matter’. So, if you are able to take control of your emotions, thoughts, how you feel through the day and how you respond to myriad situations; there’s nothing quite like it. When you become the master of your emotions; health, prosperity, and basically all good things are bound to follow you.

With that said, here are 8 surefire ways that will improve your emotional wellbeing:

1. Practice Mindfulness

Half the time, we don’t even know what we’re thinking or how we’re feeling. That’s because we let our minds operate on autopilot. It’s time to take control of your mind. Be aware of what and how you feel throughout the day. The upside to this practice is that you can detect negative emotions right on the onset and quickly change them and their corresponding feeling.

Feelings of anger, jealousy, hatred; they are not good for the mind, soul, or the body. Paying close attention to the spectrum of emotions you experience throughout the day, will help you detect the negative ones and kick them away before they fester deep enough to take away your happiness and emotional health.

2. Stay Physically Active

As you engage in physical activities, your brain produces a whole bunch of feel-good hormones such as endorphins and dopamine. These hormones are what causes the ‘elated’ or ‘euphoric’ feeling. Being physically active uplifts your mood and your outlook towards life. It readies you to take the challenges more head-on instead of becoming overwhelmed by the littlest of inconvenience.

You are better able to analyze tough situations and take a more proactive rather than a reactive approach. It’s no question physical health is in direct proportion with emotional health. A healthy mind resides in a healthy body and vice versa.

“Caring for the mind is as important and crucial as caring for the body. In fact, one cannot be healthy without the other.” – Sid Garza-Hillman

3. Get Sufficient Sleep

Ever noticed how you feel depressed and cranky, and just out of focus the day you fail to get a good night’s sleep? Well, if you fail to get sufficient sleep for a couple of days, you are bound to feel more depressed, cranky and eventually more prone to a host of negative emotions. Research shows that sleep deprivation sends amygdala – our brain’s emotional response center into overdrive.

Amygdala controls our immediate emotional responses. When it becomes overactive, we become more reactive rather than active. We become more irritable, angry and anxious. A good night’s sleep is vital to improving your emotional wellbeing.

4. Develop a New Hobby

Learn to swim. Try arts and crafts. How about painting? Swimming is a ‘happy’ activity. You get to make new friends and stay fit. Arts and crafts, as we all know, tends to have a relaxing effect on the mind and the nerves.

Just the process of creating something from scratch makes you confident and gets those creative juices flowing. Similarly, painting helps you express yourself. All these factors together create a ‘happy you’. The one who likes to engage in new things instead of resisting change or difficult situations.

5. Eat Healthy

Ever heard of the phrase, “You are what you eat”? Well, it’s true to the last syllable. When you eat foods rich in salt, sodium, fat – you are bound to feel lethargic. It takes longer for the body to digest such foods. That means the body is forced to deprive organs of blood and use it for the digestion purpose.

Result? You become lazy, moody, not ready to take any responsibility which leads to feeling cranky and irritable. On the other hand, eating fibrous vegetables, fruits, salads, and complex sugars keeps you upbeat and healthy.

6. Laugh Your Heart Out

Laughter is the best medicine. That is why they have a dedicated ‘laughter session’ in yoga studios. You don’t even have to mean it. The simple act of spreading your cheeks and pretending to laugh sends a signal to your body that you are happy.

And what happens when you are happy? Your brain releases happy hormones like dopamine, serotonin and what not. In fact, many studies have gone so far as to stipulate that laughter alone is capable of treating all kinds of physical ailments. Why should emotional ailments be any different?

7. Try Relaxation Techniques

‘’Visualization technique’’ where you imagine yourself in a happy place is a surefire way to calm your nerves if you find yourself distressed. You may also try praying to elate yourself. Praying is good for the mind and the soul.

Controlled breathing or ‘biofeedback technique’ are some other relaxation techniques that can tame how you feel and even your bodily functions. Try surrounding yourself with aromatherapy or scented candles because the smell is a big factor in governing how we feel.

“Positive emotional energy is the key to health, happiness and wellbeing. The more positive you are, the better your life will be in every area.” – Brian Tracy

8. Count Your Blessings

We all have so much to be thankful for. It could be a friend who stands by you or a happy family. Good health. Financial freedom. Make a list of all the things that you feel grateful for in your life. If it’s a person, be sure to communicate your feelings and express your gratitude.

You will feel so much happier. Happiness is the diet of a healthy mind and an intelligent emotional response mechanism. You could also try writing a poem or simply expressing your gratitude through the power of prayers.

There are so many ways to become emotionally intelligent and not one of them requires any investment or special skills. Practically anyone and everyone can do it. All you need is the will and the desire.

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How You Can Use the Power of Gratitude to Your Advantage

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The word gratitude has been tossed around, but do you know exactly what it means or how to implement it into your life? Someone has probably told you in your life, “Express more gratitude.” Well, that sounds like a great idea, but if you don’t know what gratitude is, how can you fully express it in your life? It’s a concept that once you grasp, it will change your life. (more…)

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