Life

3 Ways Fear of Failure is Keeping You From a Fulfilled Life

Published

7 years ago

Nov 25, 2015

3 Ways Fear of Failure is Keeping You From a Fulfilled Life

Do you realize that there is nothing stopping you from living an amazing life—a life you’ve dreamt of since you were little? We live in an incredible time. Today, we have access to information and tools in a way that makes what was once out of reach possible for anyone reading this.

We have access to the Internet, social media, podcasts, books, videos, and many forms of inspiration that take the guess work out of accomplishing big goals. We have all the resources that take away the old school gatekeepers that you would have encountered in the past.

Yet, with this access and the tools, too many people settle for a life that could best be described as existing. They don’t chase big dreams and don’t believe this kind of life is possible for them. The reason that is a fear of failure keeps them from believing and taking action. Each of us struggles with a fear of failure and it keeps us from a fulfilled life. Here are three ways how.

1. It feeds into your self-limiting beliefs

There are self-limiting beliefs every person has to overcome to achieve success in their life. These beliefs are rooted in what we perceive are the negative qualities that hold us back. The fear of failure amplifies what we already struggle with and convinces us that these beliefs are a reality—they’re not.

You can conquer a fear of failure and beat your self-limiting beliefs by taking action despite them. Change starts with you believing it’s possible in your life. It then becomes a reality when you do the hard work. Beat your fear by consistently doing the work despite your fear.

“I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.” – George Burns

2. It keeps you from seeing past your situation

The fear of failure has a funny way of making everything seem like it’s not working. It feels like what you’re going through right now is all that’s possible in your life. It covers the road to success and gets you detoured in your current situation. It doesn’t have to.

In a moment of experiencing a setback, close your eyes and breathe. Realize that your life isn’t over and that you can overcome that momentary setback. Your current situation doesn’t have to be your permanent situation if you move past your fear of failure.

3. It convinces you that settling for “good enough” is an option

It’s hard making changes that lead to whatever a successful life means to you. Settling for what feels like a “good enough” life is a more appealing option. The fear of failing, and failing publicly, makes good enough look like “incredible.”

Yes, creating your dream life will probably be one of the hardest things you do. Yes, you will experience failure, and it may be public. But, the life that’s waiting for you beats living a life of regret. Life is too short to let a fear of failure keep you from doing what it takes to overcome it. You can and will if you decide good enough is not enough for your life.

“Defeat is not the worst of failures. Not to have tried is the true failure.” – George Edward Woodberry

Fear is a natural emotion, but it can be an asset instead of a stumbling block. Fear can keep you on your toes and can help you make sure you have a solid plan. It can help you move forward cautiously, and that could help you see trouble ahead.

I let a fear of failure work as a stumbling block, and it kept me stuck for 12 years. Today, I’m writing this article from Tel Aviv, Israel. I spoke at an event here and will speak in Cairo, Egypt in a few days. If I had continued to listen to my fear of failure, I wouldn’t be here living my dream life.

It took four years of beating fear, creating a plan, and taking massive action, but it was worth the struggle. Anything that’s worth it in life won’t come easy, and that’s a good thing. You learn to be grateful for what you worked hard to accomplish. You’ll never get rid of fear completely, so take action anyways.

Are you letting a fear of failure keep you from your goals? Please leave your thoughts in the comment section below!

Related Topics:exercise Habits Happiness happy Health hope Inspiration Love motivation Success

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Kimanzi Constable

Kimanzi Constable is an author of four books and a writer whose articles have been published in Forbes, Entrepreneur Magazine, Business Insider, SUCCESS Magazine, NBC, CBS, FOX, and 80 other publications and magazines. He is the co-founder of Results Global Impact Consulting and Senior Editor at The Good Men Project. Learn more and get a free guide at kconstable.com.

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Balancing is for your checkbook, gymnastics, and nutrition; not for your people’s work/life ratio.

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Life

5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

Published

1 week ago

Jan 25, 2023

Joel Brown (Founder of Addicted2Success.com)

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.

Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:

1. Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.

2. Persistent Pain

Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.

Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.

Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.

Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.

These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.

4. A strong need for control

It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.

This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.

It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.

These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.

If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to awebliss.com and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.