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3 Reasons You Need to Stop Seeking Validation From Others

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You’ve been in this situation before. Someone in your circle has come to you with an idea. They explain it in full detail and have heaps of enthusiasm about it. During their pitch you start to feel less than impressed about the idea. When their pitch finally comes to a close they ask for your opinion. Rather than expressing your true thoughts, you reply with “It’s great” in an attempt to not hurt anyone’s feelings. Congratulations on your validation seeking behavior!

Oh did you think the person asking for your opinion was seeking validation? It’s possible that they wanted some level of validation. It could be that they greatly lookup to you, and value your opinion

You on the other hand jumped to the next level of validation seeking. Instead of telling the truth you softened your stance and told a lie. You didn’t want to let the other person down. What if you hurt their feelings? I get it. You would rather lie, gain approval and feel bad for yourself. I’ve been there and done that.

There are many scenarios that constitute validation seeking behavior. Softening your stance is just one example.

Here are three reasons why you need to stop seeking validation now:

1.You appear insecure

Those that seek validation are afraid to state their opinions. They become a human rug for those they engage in through personal or business relationships. This level of insecurity is palpable to anyone that spends five minutes with a validation seeker. Insecurity is seen as weakness and this will immediately push you into the subordinate role in any social interaction.

“It’s insecurity that is always chasing you and standing in the way of your dreams.” – Vin Diesel

2. It makes you look needy

“Did you notice my new haircut?” You’ve heard that from a friend, family member, or coworker at some point in your life. While you may have noticed the change, you didn’t feel compelled to mention it. Assuming you respond with “Yes I did”, you can always expect the validation seeker to expect more. They will often smile, look you in the eyes and say “Do you like it?” as they wait for a compliment.

Don’t be this person. Stop seeking validation on every little change you make in your life. There are going to be many times where you slip by unnoticed by people. Get used to it. Even the famous go through periods of time where they vanish from the spotlight. You can spot the “needy” ones from a mile away with their publicity stunts, sudden shifts to non-conforming behavior and spreading gossip about others.

 

3. Validation seeking limits your self growth

There is only one person in the world that you need validation from. Look in the mirror and have a heart to heart conversation with them. They know you better than you think.

When you seek external validation it devalues your opinion. It causes you to conform to others and not walk the path that you are destined to pave. Eventually the unique life form that you are will slowly fade into oblivion.

When you eradicate validation seeking behavior from your life you will change for the better. Your schedule will begin to clear up. Your social circle will include people that challenge your opinion. They may have completely opposing beliefs from you, yet have a deep sense of appreciation for your authenticity. Most importantly you will feel joy knowing that you require validation from no-one but yourself.

“What the superior man seeks is in himself; what the small man seeks is in others” – Confucius

What has helped you stop seeking validation from others? Please leave your thoughts in the comment section below!

Keith Croxford is an entrepreneur, telecommunications engineer, writer and content producer. He sees the world of social dynamics much like that of a program. We all have the opportunity to change the variables, “debug the code” and cause exceptions to break out of internal processing loops. You can learn more at www.keithcroxford.com.

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Life

How Learning the Skill of Hope Can Change Everything

Hope isn’t wishful thinking. It’s a state of being and a skill that has profound evidence of helping people achieve success in life

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Hope as a skill
Image Credit: Midjourney

Hope isn’t wishful thinking. It’s a state of being and a skill that has profound evidence of helping people achieve success in life.

Wishful thinking, on the other hand, is like having dreams in the sky without a ladder to climb, having a destination without a map, or trying to operate a jet-engine airplane without instructions. It sounds nice but is impossible to realize. You don’t have what you need to make it happen!

What Real Hope Is

Real hope is actionable, practical, and realistic. Better yet, it’s feasible and can be learned.

One popular approach is Hope Theory. This concept is used by colleges to study how hope impacts students’ academic performance. Researchers found that students with high levels of hope achieve better grades and are more likely to graduate compared to those with less hope.

Hope can be broken down into two components:

  1. Pathways – The “how to” of hope. This is where people think of and establish plans for achieving their goals.
  2. Agency – The “I can” of hope. This is the belief that the person can accomplish their goals.

Does Hope Really Work?

According to Webster’s Dictionary, hope as a noun is defined as: “desire accompanied by expectation of or belief in fulfillment.”

As humans, we are wired to crave fulfillment. We have the ability to envision it and, through hope, make it a reality.

My Experience with Hope

For 13 years, I was a hopeless human. During my time working at a luxury hotel as a front desk agent earning $11.42 per hour, I felt the sting of hopelessness the most.

The regret of feeling my time was being stolen from me lingered every time I clocked in. Eventually, I decided to do something about it.

I gave myself permission to hope for something better. I began establishing pathways to success and regained agency by learning from self-help books and seeking mentorship.

Because I took action toward something I desired, I now feel more hope and joy than I ever felt hopelessness. Hope changed me.

Hope Actually Improves Your Life

Wishful thinking doesn’t work, and false hope is equally ineffective. Real hope, however, is directly tied to success in all areas of life.

Studies show that hopeful people tend to:

  • Demonstrate better problem-solving skills
  • Cultivate healthier relationships
  • Maintain stronger motivation to achieve goals
  • Exhibit better work ethic
  • Have a positive outlook on life

These benefits can impact work life, family life, habit-building, mental health, physical health, and spiritual practice. Imagine how much better your life could be by applying real hope to all these areas.

How to Develop the Skill to Hope

As acclaimed French writer Jean Giono wrote in The Man Who Planted Trees:
“There are also times in life when a person has to rush off in pursuit of hopefulness.”

If you are at one of those times, here are ways to develop the skill to hope:

1. Dream Again

To cultivate hope, you need to believe in its possibility. Start by:

  • Reflecting on what you’re passionate about, your values, and what you want to achieve.
  • Writing your dreams down, sharing them with someone encouraging, or saying them out loud.
  • Creating a vision board to make your dreams feel more tangible.

Dreams are the foundation of hope—they give you something meaningful to aspire toward.

2. Create an Environment of Hope

  • Set Goals: Write down your goals and create a plan to achieve them.
  • Visualize Success: Use inspirational quotes, photos, or tools like dumbbells or canvases to remind yourself of your goals.
  • Build a Resource Library: Collect books, eBooks, or audiobooks about hope and success to inspire you.

An environment that fosters hope will keep you motivated, resilient, and focused.

3. Face the Challenges

Don’t avoid challenges—overcoming them builds confidence. Participating in challenging activities, like strategic games, can enhance your problem-solving skills and reinforce hope.

4. Commit to Wisdom

Seek wisdom from those who have achieved what you aspire to. Whether through books, blogs, or social media platforms, learn from their journeys. Wisdom provides the foundation for real, actionable hope.

5. Take Note of Small Wins

Reflecting on past victories can fuel your hope for the future. Ask yourself:

  • What challenges have I already overcome?
  • How did I feel when I succeeded?

By remembering those feelings of happiness, relief, or satisfaction, your brain will naturally adopt a more hopeful mindset.

Conclusion

Hope is more than wishful thinking—it’s a powerful skill that can transform your life. By dreaming again, creating a hopeful environment, facing challenges, seeking wisdom, and celebrating small wins, you can develop the real hope necessary for success in all aspects of life.

Let hope guide you toward a brighter, more fulfilling future.

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Life

The 5 Stages of a Quarter-Life Crisis & What You Can Do

A quarter-life crisis isn’t a sign you’ve lost your way; it’s a sign you’re fighting for a life that’s truly yours.

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what is a quarter life crisis
Image Credit: Midjourney

The quarter-life crisis is a well-defined set of stages—Trapped, Checking Out, Separation, Exploration, Rebuilding—one goes through in breaking free from feelings of meaninglessness, lack of fulfillment, and misalignment with purpose. I detail the stages and interweave my story below. (more…)

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Life

Here’s The Thing About Learning, Unlearning, and Relearning

Stop hoarding and start sharing your knowledge and wealth for the benefit of humankind

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sharing your knowledge
Image Credit: Midjourney

Few people have the habit of hoarding their wealth without spending.  However, it limits their motivation as they tend to get into their comfort zones.  When people start spending money, then there will be depletion in their coffers. (more…)

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Life

3 Steps That’ll Help You Take Back Control of Your Life Immediately

The key to finding “enough” is recognizing that the root of the problem is a question of self-esteem and deservedness

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How to build self worth
Image Credit: Midjourney

“It’s never enough.” (more…)

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