As a psychiatrist in New York City, the folks I see in my practice commonly have come to NY to achieve a level of success. Many are seeking financial success, artistic success, or success within relationships.
There is no doubt trying to achieve a semblance of success here is quite challenging, frustrating, and draining to our egos. It doesn’t come easy for many.
As I assist in navigating the course with my clients to achieve success, I tackle various aspects of the human condition that are risks for decreasing one’s ability to feel fulfilled. Many folks walking through my door have difficulty mastering control of their thoughts, their usage of language, and regulating their emotions.
I am always humbled when someone picks up the phone to contact me to participate in their journey to help them achieve their goals they are hoping to achieve.
Here are three common presentations to my office that commonly impact our ability to achieve success:
1. Stop living your life on pause
After my clients and I discuss their long-term goals and what they are looking to achieve, I ask how else do they spend their time? For many, they look at me with a blank stare as if not spending every moment focusing on their goals seems a waste of time.
This is extremely detrimental. Awaking each day solely looking to work towards the long-term goal minimizes and under appreciates other wonderful smaller life moments. Yes, you may not update on facebook how you held the door open for someone or gave your subway seat to an elderly person, but by not doing so and loving yourself for the small moments in life, you will exhaust yourself and feel low for not “achieving” the larger life goals you have set.
Learn to value the small steps. Work on loving yourself for the small successes and “live” in each moment. This is equivalent to walking up a mountain and keeping your head down solely awaiting the peak. By doing so, you miss all the various plant and animal life that make this mountain unique. Keep your head up.
2. Pay attention to your narrative
We all walk around with the story of our lives. This is where attitude comes into the picture. Pay attention to the way you use language; within yourself, your inner voice as well as the way you share you narrative with others. For example, I find anyone who moves from another city or a small town to NYC are already incredibly successful. What an achievement. Think of all the steps it took to move here, find an apartment, and make NYC your home.
Unfortunately for many folks, they will tell their narrative along the lines of: “I moved here and nothing has happened.” Though they are not acknowledging how they found a job, pay rent, and developed a social network. They will also say, “Everyone appears to have a better life than me.” Though they have their own albeit small company, or that they were cast in a small film, play, or had their work shown at a gallery.
Focus on if your narrative leans negative. If so, you are creating a risk for not feeling successful. I question if your narrative regardless of achievements, will ever be enough. By not incorporating positive narratives through small successes, you are not raising your healthy platform; the platform that grows as you continue to take risks and achieve a flow needed to fulfill your long-term dreams.
Be patient. Love yourself and your story, especially when small successes are achieved.
“I have no special talents. I am only passionately curious.” – Albert Einstein
3. Be curious like a cat
I understand finding the right mentor to assist you obtaining success is ideal. Who wouldn’t want the CEO of a corporation, the Hollywood actor, or the fashion guru to speak one on one with you and give you absolute guidance? If we are waiting for this type of guidance -guess what? Life mistake!
There are mentors all around us, including you and I. We each all have valuable life experiences. It may not be what folks spend top dollar on like they do with a highly popular mentor but it can be just as valuable.
I find we minimize how much we can all learn from each other. A subtle piece of advice about any aspect of our day to day may maximize our positivity to make one part of our life easier, leaving more mental room to focus on obtaining your dreams! Take note of those around you in your everyday life. You never know what others have seen or learned from their experience. It can be the guidance you needed to overcome that hurdle! Be curious!