Connect with us

Life

3 Life Mistakes You Are Making Today That’s Impacting Your Success

Published

on

3 Life Mistakes You Are Making Today That is Impacting Your Success

As a psychiatrist in New York City, the folks I see in my practice commonly have come to NY to achieve a level of success.  Many are seeking financial success, artistic success, or success within relationships.

There is no doubt trying to achieve a semblance of success here is quite challenging, frustrating, and draining to our egos.  It doesn’t come easy for many.

As I assist in navigating the course with my clients to achieve success, I tackle various aspects of the human condition that are risks for decreasing one’s ability to feel fulfilled.  Many folks walking through my door have difficulty mastering control of their thoughts, their usage of language, and regulating their emotions.

I am always humbled when someone picks up the phone to contact me to participate in their journey to help them achieve their goals they are hoping to achieve.

Here are three common presentations to my office that commonly impact our ability to achieve success:

 

1. Stop living your life on pause

After my clients and I discuss their long-term goals and what they are looking to achieve, I ask how else do they spend their time? For many, they look at me with a blank stare as if not spending every moment focusing on their goals seems a waste of time.

This is extremely detrimental. Awaking each day solely looking to work towards the long-term goal minimizes and under appreciates other wonderful smaller life moments. Yes, you may not update on facebook how you held the door open for someone or gave your subway seat to an elderly person, but by not doing so and loving yourself for the small moments in life, you will exhaust yourself and feel low for not “achieving” the larger life goals you have set.

Learn to value the small steps. Work on loving yourself for the small successes and “live” in each moment. This is equivalent to walking up a mountain and keeping your head down solely awaiting the peak. By doing so, you miss all the various plant and animal life that make this mountain unique. Keep your head up.

Robert Collier

2. Pay attention to your narrative

We all walk around with the story of our lives. This is where attitude comes into the picture.  Pay attention to the way you use language; within yourself, your inner voice as well as the way you share you narrative with others. For example, I find anyone who moves from another city or a small town to NYC are already incredibly successful. What an achievement. Think of all the steps it took to move here, find an apartment, and make NYC your home.

Unfortunately for many folks, they will tell their narrative along the lines of: “I moved here and nothing has happened.” Though they are not acknowledging how they found a job, pay rent, and developed a social network. They will also say, “Everyone appears to have a better life than me.” Though they have their own albeit small company, or that they were cast in a small film, play, or had their work shown at a gallery.

Focus on if your narrative leans negative.  If so, you are creating a risk for not feeling successful. I question if your narrative regardless of achievements, will ever be enough. By not incorporating positive narratives through small successes, you are not raising your healthy platform; the platform that grows as you continue to take risks and achieve a flow needed to fulfill your long-term dreams.

Be patient.  Love yourself and your story, especially when small successes are achieved.

“I have no special talents. I am only passionately curious.” – Albert Einstein

3. Be curious like a cat

I understand finding the right mentor to assist you obtaining success is ideal. Who wouldn’t want the CEO of a corporation, the Hollywood actor, or the fashion guru to speak one on one with you and give you absolute guidance? If we are waiting for this type of guidance -guess what?  Life mistake!

There are mentors all around us, including you and I.  We each all have valuable life experiences. It may not be what folks spend top dollar on like they do with a highly popular mentor but it can be just as valuable.

I find we minimize how much we can all learn from each other. A subtle piece of advice about any aspect of our day to day may maximize our positivity to make one part of our life easier, leaving more mental room to focus on obtaining your dreams!  Take note of those around you in your everyday life. You never know what others have seen or learned from their experience.  It can be the guidance you needed to overcome that hurdle! Be curious!

 

Thank you for reading my article. I would love to hear your thoughts in the comment section below.

Dr. Johnny Lops is a practicing psychiatrist in Brooklyn, NY.  He is the former team psychiatrist for the Brooklyn Nets.  His new book is Reinvent Yourself: Essential Tools from a Brooklyn Psychiatrist Who has Seen it All (Tailwinds Press, May 2015).  An accomplished actor and film producer, Lops has starred in numerous stage productions, as well as commercials for Sprite, Budlight, and the NY Knicks.  He is the medical advisor for the boxing website, thesweetscience.com and the medical advisor to the new independent film in production, Life Hack.  He can be reached at www.drjohnnylops.com as well as @drjohnnylops on Twitter

Advertisement
8 Comments

8 Comments

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Life

The Imbalanced Problem with Work/Life Balance

Balancing is for your checkbook, gymnastics, and nutrition; not for your people’s work/life ratio.

Published

on

Image Credit: Canva

Balance…it requires an equal distribution of value between two or more subjects to maintain steady composure and equitable proportionality. (more…)

Continue Reading

Life

How to Find the Courage to Start New

Change is scary, but it’s a normal part of life.

Published

on

Image Credit: Unsplash

It’s 2023, a new year, new you, right? But how do we start over? How do we make the changes in our lives that we crave so much to see?  (more…)

Continue Reading

Life

Failing is More Important Than Succeeding

Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures.

Published

on

Image Credit: Unsplash

People often consider failure a stigma.  Society often doesn’t respect the people who failed and avoids and criticizes their actions. Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures. Not to have endeavored is worse than failing in life as at some stage of your life you regret not having tried in your life.  (more…)

Continue Reading

Life

5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

Published

on

Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.

 

Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:

 

1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.

 

2. Persistent Pain

 
Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
 
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.
 
 

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

 
Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
 
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
 
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
 
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.
 

4. A strong need for control

 
It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
 
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
 
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.
 
 

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

 
Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
 
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.
 
 

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

 
Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
 
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.
 

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

 
 
If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to awebliss.com and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
 
 
Continue Reading

Trending