Connect with us

Life

10 Steps to Creating the Life You Actually Want

Published

on

Create a great life

Too many people are living in circumstances that they are not happy with. They do not know that they can actually have the life they want. Some have not even taken any time to think about what it is that they actually want. Having an idea of the life you want means you can create your reality and live a life that makes you happy.

Follow these 10 steps below to walk towards living the life that you want:

1. Ask yourself what you want in all aspects of life

If you do not know what you are looking for in each area of your life you will wake up one day and wonder why you didn’t get what you wanted out of life. Before you can really be happy and get what you want from this life, you must ask yourself what you really want.

Many people believe that it is impossible to have their dream life, but it is possible. You just have to decide what you want first. Take the time to sit down and write this out. What do you want your life to look like? Visualise it. Visualise your ideal world and get it down on paper.

2. Get clear on your goals

Once you know what you want in all areas of your life then you need to get specific and clear about your goals. Take those ideal visions and get specific about when you want to achieve, when you want to achieve it by and how you will know you have achieved it.

“Set your goals high and don’t stop till you get there.” – Bo Jackson

3. Make a plan & take action

This is where many people get stuck and never actualise their visions and their goals. Once you have figured out what you want you need to create a path to get there and actually do the work. This can be tricky for people because this is where it can get hard but taking massive action separates those who will make changes and live the life that they dream of and those who will just always be dreaming and wishing forever.

4. Don’t settle

When creating the life that you want it is easy to get a life that you do not want and it can be difficult to work on yourself and your goals to ensure you get the life that you want. When it gets hard many people end up settling for what they have and push themselves for what they want. Don’t be someone who has settled for second best. Remember that this is your life and you can have whatever you want from this life as long as you work and don’t settle.

5. Stay focused

Creating the life you want requires you to stick to your goals. It is easy to get side tracked with so many distractions in this world. Social media, nights out drinking, spending money on meaningless items to keep up with the jones’.

We spend so much time tending to the needs of others through emails, social media, adverts constantly asking you to buy products and family or friends organising big boozy nights out. If you can take back your agenda and focus on the things that you want to do rather than answer to the needs of others, you will be on track to reach your goal.

6. Remember you deserve it

Sometimes people get scared and worry that they are not good enough or that it is only other people that achieve their dreams and goals. You need to remember that you were put on this earth and you have the skills and abilities that are unique to you. Nobody can do anything the way you do it, because you are unique. Be yourself and remember you are worth it.

7. Work hard

Goals don’t work unless you do. Having the life that you want will not happen overnight and it certainly won’t happen if you do not put the work into it. So many people set goals, make a plan and then expect things to change and improve but the reality is it takes time, work and effort to make the changes towards living the life of your dreams. So start today.

8. Stay positive

It can be difficult to stay in a positive mindset when things get hard or setbacks occur, but cultivating a happy outlook can be the difference in staying on track towards your goal and never reaching it.

“Positive better is nothing than negative nothing.” – Elbert Hubbard

9. Take time alone

We all love our family and friends, however, when you are pursuing a goal it is important that you take time to be by yourself. This will give you the opportunity to reflect on your life, what is going well, what part of the plan needs to be adapted or just to relax by meditating or reading.

I find taking time alone to be the most important part in reaching any goal, and have even found a name for it, ‘touching base’. The reason it is so important is because it gives me the chance to reconnect with myself, reconnect with what I want and ask myself if I am on the right path. It is difficult to do that when surrounded by people all the time.

10. Learn and adapt

The road to achieving your goals will not be a smooth road, but if it was easy then everyone would be doing it. During the process of working towards your goals you will experience failure and setbacks but this is where the growth and development happens. Your growth and development is necessary for you to achieve your goals so you must keep moving moving forward.

Finally, a person living the life that they want is no accident. They went out and actually created it using these 10 steps. Get started NOW and create the life you want.

Are you living the life you want? What are you doing to make sure you are? Leave your thoughts below!

Lorna Harkins is a personal & professional coach, using coaching to help clients overcome obstacle, cultivate a mindset for success and achieve their goals. It is her mission to ensure that everyone knows that they have the ability to be the hero, to have what they want, and then to empower them to take action to make their life and existence one of meaning, fulfilment and success. If you liked this article follow her on twitter @_bafr.

Advertisement
6 Comments

6 Comments

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Life

The Imbalanced Problem with Work/Life Balance

Balancing is for your checkbook, gymnastics, and nutrition; not for your people’s work/life ratio.

Published

on

Image Credit: Canva

Balance…it requires an equal distribution of value between two or more subjects to maintain steady composure and equitable proportionality. (more…)

Continue Reading

Life

How to Find the Courage to Start New

Change is scary, but it’s a normal part of life.

Published

on

Image Credit: Unsplash

It’s 2023, a new year, new you, right? But how do we start over? How do we make the changes in our lives that we crave so much to see?  (more…)

Continue Reading

Life

Failing is More Important Than Succeeding

Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures.

Published

on

Image Credit: Unsplash

People often consider failure a stigma.  Society often doesn’t respect the people who failed and avoids and criticizes their actions. Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures. Not to have endeavored is worse than failing in life as at some stage of your life you regret not having tried in your life.  (more…)

Continue Reading

Life

5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

Published

on

Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.

 

Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:

 

1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.

 

2. Persistent Pain

 
Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
 
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.
 
 

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

 
Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
 
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
 
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
 
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.
 

4. A strong need for control

 
It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
 
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
 
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.
 
 

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

 
Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
 
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.
 
 

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

 
Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
 
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.
 

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

 
 
If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to awebliss.com and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
 
 
Continue Reading

Trending