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10 Simple Steps To Be Productive And Kill The Procrastination Beast

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10 Simple Steps To Be Productive And Kill The Procrastination Beast

Have you ever experienced this? You are so tired and worn out after a long workday that some of your primary body functions have temporarily shut down.You are not able to think, speak or walk properly. Heck, let`s be honest. If your mother watched you limping towards the bathroom to brush your teeth, she would seriously be wondering about if she had given birth to a Quasimodo (hunchback).

The Problem? Even though you are putting in more hours at work, you somehow can`t seem to catch up. Your never-ending growing to do list is not the real problem. The real problem is what lurks behind it – the big and dreadful procrastination beast, which is growing more each day.

You feel that you are awfully close to the breaking-point…where you either will be drowned by your to do list or eaten alive by the procrastination beast. Can you relate? If so, it`s okay. I`ve been there too…Relax. Breathe. There is still hope.

Here’s the 10 Simple Steps To Be Productive And Kill The Procrastination Beast:

1. Setting a correct goal

It`s important that you have clarity, so you will be able to set a correct goal. Something that might be worse than failing to reach a correct goal, is to actually reach a wrong goal. Let`s say that you were going to learn to play ice hockey. That was your ultimate goal, and you knew that it was the path you wanted to take.

A good first step would for instance be learning how to skate. Instead of aiming for that goal, you somehow, don’t ask me why, found out you wanted to learn how to run faster. Even though, learning how to run faster might be a cool goal to reach, it will bring you nowhere closer to learning how to skate. You get the point.

Then over to one of the most underestimated steps…

 

2. Your BIG why

This will actually be the real make it or break it factor. It`s within our human nature to resist going out of our comfort zone. Why? Because we think it`s uncomfortable.

If your ´why´ is not big enough, you won`t be able to fend off the excuses when you have to push yourself doing the necessary tasks, whether you feel like it or not. The bigger your why, the greater your chance of actually sticking to plan and reaching your goal.

You should have a burning desire, which will make you unstoppable on your way to your goal. Have you found your real why?

Good, let`s move on.

“People don’t buy what you do, they buy why you do it.” – Simon Sinek

3. How?

Knowing how to reach your goal is crucial. If you don`t know how, then you could do research and google the topic. A good tip is to find someone who has already accomplished what you want to accomplish, and replicate the method. It can either be finding a mentor or just paying an expert to show you the way.

In the end you basically need to find out how to reach your big hairy goal, and then break it down into smaller manageable steps.

We got the how covered, then over to the…

 

4. When?

It`s essential that you set a deadline for your big hairy goal, and for your smaller goals. A deadline will make you push yourself out of the comfort zone in order to get cranking. And the most important thing?

If you set a deadline, you MUST do whatever is in your power to actually meet that deadline. If not, you are conditioning your mind to expect to fail the deadlines you set. The worst part? Setting a deadline will lose it`s effect. So how do we keep track of all the activities? Let`s answer that in the next step.

“A dream is just a dream. A goal is a dream with a plan and a deadline.” – Harvey McKay

5. The master to do list

You should have a master to do list. What does that mean? It means that you should have only ONE to do list, which contains all the tasks that need to be done.

When I was working for one of the biggest companies in Norway, some of the people who were perceived as the most valuable and productive employees by the company had several to do lists. I asked them two simple questions: how many to do lists they had and if they had full control of all their to do tasks.

The answers were always the same, they were never 100% sure how many lists they actually had nor if they had full control of all the tasks. If you don`t know how many to do lists you actually have, you certainly don`t have full control of all your to do tasks.

How many to do lists should you have? If you answered one, a high five to you.

 

6. Support

They say that when it comes to a fight, there is strength in numbers. That is also the case when it comes to reaching our goal. And let`s face it, you are really preparing for a fight against the procrastination beast.
When you have mapped out the necessary tasks in order to reach your goal, sticking to the plan can be hard.

That is why it can be a good idea to share your goal with people you trust, and which you know will support you. If your goal was to start with mixed martial arts and to compete in the UFC, your mother would probably not be the biggest supporter. And it`s understandable. Who wants to see their child being beaten into a pulp?

It is important to actually pick the right supporters. Nothing is worse than having people who don`t really support you, being a part of your cheerleading crew. That negative person might poison and demotivate the rest of the cheerleading crew, and last but not least, you.

The next point is also very important. By mastering that skill, you can truly become unstoppable.

 

7. Laser focus

They say that the person who has the ability to focus on only one single thought for 2 minutes straight, will have the ability to accomplish anything. You want to be that person, right? It`s okay. Just start practicing.

So the real key to focusing is really to remove ALL distractions.

A crash course on how to laser focus:

  1. Mute or turn off your cellphone. If it`s muted, put it away and don`t look at it until you are finished completing your task at hand.
  2. Turn-off the Internet connection. You think that you are doing research by googling stuff, but what you are really doing, is ruining your own focus.
  3. Let people around you know that you are busy, so you won`t get interrupted

The next step might be the hardest part…

 

8. Self-discipline

Self-discipline is about doing the necessary tasks no matter what, whether your feel like or not. You have to brainwash yourself. You have to put your feelings aside, program your mind and become an unstoppable machine.

The good news? It will become a little bit easier, the more you practice it. However, be prepared that it will be a constant battle. Do you want to know a little secret? By learning the skill of self-discipline it will become a catalyst for all other activities you need to do in order to stop procrastinating and become more productive.

Kop Kopmeyer wrote about 1000 success principles (4 books). At the end of the last book he wrote that the most important principle for success is self-discipline, without that none of the other principles will work. Yeah, you know the importance of self-discipline by now.

Then it`s time to…

Conquer-Self

9. Grow some courage

In order to achieve your goals and get the success you dream of in your life and business, you need to be able to move out of the comfort zone. You need to stop worrying about what everyone else will think about you. It`s scary, right? Yeah, I know.

What if you make a fool out of yourself and what if people will be talking about you? You have probably heard the cliché “It`s better to have tried and failed than to never have tried at all.” It`s a cliché, we can all agree on that, nevertheless, it`s still true.

I will let you in on one more secret. People will be talking about you no matter what. Whatever you do, you can`t stop it. So if people are going to talk about you anyway, you might as well build the future you want. Stop whining and stop trying to think about excuses.

Just grow some courage. Okay, so you are all pumped up now? And your self-esteem is on it`s peak? Awesome. What`s next?

Use your good self-esteem and…

 

10Take action now!

When you have done all the steps above, there is no need for more analyzing or thinking. You have already done that. Enough talk. It`s time to do the actual walk and kill the procrastination beast once and for all!

You can do it. Just remove your butt from your chair and just do it! Take action now!

 

Now is the time to kill the procrastination beast before it kills you. Please leave your comments below!

Tor decided to leave his six-figure job in order to follow his passion - to help online entrepreneurs free up more time, so they can do what they love. Want to become more productive? Download his free eBook and learn how to double your productivity in 7 days.

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40 Comments

40 Comments

  1. Apeh Kelvin Chibueze

    Jul 3, 2016 at 2:25 pm

    Your writings inspire one and lift off the burden of past regrets on procrastination. I’ve dwelled on procrastination for long and it has really eaten Me up. I’ve that potential to accomplish my vision but how to go about it considering the task involved has really tied Me down all because of procrastination. Yes, I’ve gotten the light! Thanks Man.

  2. Connie

    Jul 30, 2015 at 2:39 am

    TOR, this article will be very helpful. I’m changing careers, even though I am staying in the medical field. This will be of great help in planning things out. I look forward to reading more of your articles. Thank you.

    • Tor Refsland

      Jul 30, 2015 at 9:13 am

      Hi Connie,

      thanks for your comment.

      I`m glad that you found my article useful 🙂

      Feel send me an email if you need any sparring regarding planning or productivity 😉

      Have a great day.

      Best,

      Tor

  3. Brent Jones

    Jun 22, 2015 at 9:43 pm

    Awesome Post, Tor! Shared it on all my networks. 🙂

    I like the point about WHY.

    One of my mentors once told me, “Figure out why and how will reveal itself.”

    Seriously, when we can mentally envision what success will look like, it’s 1000x easier to accomplish great things!

    • Tor Refsland

      Jun 24, 2015 at 11:52 am

      Thanks, Brent.

      I really appreciate your support and you sharing the post.

      You are AWESOME 😉

      Yup, one of my mentors actually told me the same line…(true story).

      A strong WHY will make you be able to endure all the challenges, the hardship, go outside your comfort zone and do A LOT of things you REALLY don`t WANT to do…

      …but you will do it, because the big PRIZE at the end of the journey is so WORTH it!

      Have a great day,

      Tor

  4. Sonia Thompson

    Jun 22, 2015 at 3:15 pm

    Hey Tor!

    Killing procrastination is so super important for entrepreneurs, so I’m glad you covered this topic.

    My favorite step is the one about 1 to-do list. I generally only work with one, but as I’ve started working on some bigger projects, I see the importance of writing down ALL the steps that need to happen, and then that then allows me to figure out what’s on the critical path and what’s not – which then helps me create a proper daily task list.

    • Tor Refsland

      Jun 24, 2015 at 11:56 am

      Hi Sonia,

      great to see you here.

      Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

      Having ONE to do list will totally change your day, your way of working and yes…increase your productivity tremendously.

      By ONLY having 1 to do list, using the 80/20 rules prioritising the most important tasks at any given time, and sorting the priority of the tasks using the ABCDE method, helped me to increase my productivity with 200% in my previous six-figure income job.

      The result was that I was actually able to do in 2 hours what I normally spent 8 hours of doing.

      Side note – this is how the ABCDE method works:

      I Prioritize the tasks using the ABCDE method:

      A :Tasks I must do – serious consequences if it doesn`t get done
      B: Tasks I should do – mild consequences if it doesn`t get done
      C: Tasks I could do – no consequences if it doesn`t get done
      D: Tasks I delegate
      E: Tasks I never do

      You never do a B task before you have done alle the A tasks, and you never do a C task before you have done all the B tasks, etc.

      Have a great day!

      Tor

  5. Hanna

    Jun 22, 2015 at 3:10 am

    Good useful article Tor – my biggest challenge is the WHY, seems it’s just not BIG enough so any tips on finding your WHY would be greatly appreciated.

    Thank you for the share.

    • Tor Refsland

      Jun 24, 2015 at 12:01 pm

      Hi Hanna,

      first of all, regarding finding your WHY. Since I don`t know what type of project you are talking about, it`s hard for me to give a specific feedback.

      THAT being said…

      if you have a challenge to find your big WHY…

      well, most likely you just don`t have a strong WHY for that project / journey.

      Having a PASSION and a strong WHY is like chemistry with someone when you are on a first date.

      Either you have it, or you don`t.

      However, there might be a few exceptions to this.

      Let me tell you this…

      Visit my website and contact me. Shoot me an email with more details, and I can probably give you a much more detailed answer to your specific situation 😉

      Best,

      Tor

  6. Daniela Uslan

    Jun 22, 2015 at 1:25 am

    Hi Tor,

    What a great list of suggestions! One of the tips that I struggle with the most is self discipline. Even when I have a clear goal, a clear WHY, and support, I find myself getting off track and going on Facebook or wasting time. Also having one master list. That sounds so daunting, but yet so simple. I will have to try it! Thanks for the tips!

    Daniela

    • Tor Refsland

      Jun 24, 2015 at 11:49 am

      Hi Daniela,

      thanks for stopping by to comment 🙂

      You have the clear goal, a clear WHY and support?

      That`s great! 🙂

      What you should do is to focus on FOCUSING (yeah, I wrote that sentence on purpose).

      The key about focusing is to remove all distractions; turn off or mute your cellphone, be unavailable to people and TURN OFF your internet connection.

      Yup, you read correct 😉

      When you remove all distractions, and only FOCUS on ONE task at a time, you should be able to get your stuff done 😉

      Have an awesome day!

      Tor

    • Tor Refsland

      Jun 24, 2015 at 12:05 pm

      Hi Daniela,

      thanks for stopping by.

      You found your clear goal, a clear WHY and support, right?

      That is GREAT!

      Your next step should be focus on FOCUSING (yeah, I wrote that sentence on purpose 😉 )

      You should remove ALL distractions; mute or turn off your cellphone, make yourself unavailable for other people, and turn off your internet connection.

      Yes, you read correct.

      When you are able to focus on ONE single task at hand, and not being distracted, you will instantly become more productive!

      You can do it 🙂

      Best,

      Tor

  7. Joanna

    Jun 20, 2015 at 8:02 pm

    Great post, Tor

    I agree, realising that for the past (insert your number) weeks/months/years you’ve been hitting the wrong goals and ticking off your to-do lists things that don’t really take you where you truly want to go takes a lot of courage and is painful, if not devastating. But if you can take it and turn the learning into a new course of action, then the reward is awesome!

    • Tor Refsland

      Jun 21, 2015 at 12:17 pm

      Thanks for commenting, Joanna.

      Yes, heading in the wrong direction can be crippling for your journey.

      However, the good thing is to stop…and take a breath. Get an overview, and see where you are located compared to your target destination.

      It`s important to not beat yourself up if you took the wrong path, but just change the course and find the silver lining in the experience.

      There is nothing that is called good or bad experience. It`s just experience.

      What you do with it is up to you 🙂

      Have a great day.

      Tor

  8. Carol Amato

    Jun 20, 2015 at 6:03 pm

    What an excellent article! Loved each and every point you made – extremely helpful.

    Especially the ‘When’ and ‘Self-Discipline’ sections. Deadlines are great, but if we don’t have the self-discipline to carry them out, we’re lost. LOL Plain old kitchen timer works for me as well as accountability partner.

    Loved the quote you included by Napoleon Hill, so apt here!

    Thanks for sharing, and have a great weekend.

    Carol Amato

    • Tor Refsland

      Jun 21, 2015 at 12:19 pm

      Thanks for stopping by to comment, Carol.

      Yes, self-discipline is perhaps the hardest factor when it comes to reaching your goal and succeed.

      However, the more you practice it, the easier it becomes.

      A kitchen timer sounds indeed like a great accountability partner 😉

      Have a great day!

      Tor

  9. Andrea Beltrami

    Jun 20, 2015 at 5:30 pm

    Epic list, Tor! These seem easy enough but oh how looks can be deceiving. Each one of these has taken a LOT of time for me to wrap my mentality around but I’ve gotten pretty decent at most. Now if I could just implement them all at the same time. Hahaha

    There’s still a nagging need to procrastinate when I’m afraid or when it’s a task I don’t enjoy doing. What can I say, I’m a work in progress…but aren’t we all! 😉

    • Tor Refsland

      Jun 21, 2015 at 12:25 pm

      Thanks for stopping by to share your thoughts, Andrea.

      I was struggling a long time with these tips as well. However, when I became good at them, it totally changed my life.

      The difference between successful people and people who are not, is that successful people are willing to improve their most important skills ALL the time, and never be satisfied and procrastinate.

      When we are faced with insecurity or fear, procrastination has a tendency to appear.

      But the more we practice to go outside our comfort zone, do sparring with mentors and get used to handle uncomfortable situations, we will become better at it, and we will procrastinate less when we are faced with a new unknown situation 😉

      Tor

  10. Jenna Dalton

    Jun 19, 2015 at 9:01 pm

    Great article, Tor. I love what you said to Sue too – in the comment above – about procrastinating by setting realistic goals that you’ll hit every time.

    I never thought of that being procrastination before but you’re right, it absolutely is!

    Time to go set some bigger goals 🙂

    • Tor Refsland

      Jun 20, 2015 at 8:30 am

      Thanks a lot for stopping by to comment, Jenna.

      It means a lot 🙂

      In a nutshell; when you don`t perform at your best ability to reach your peak potential, you are actually procrastinating.

      It`s a lot like with the “slight edge” principle.

      Person A trains 1 times in the gym per week and just does the bare minimum workout, while person B trains 3 times a week and pushes himself/herself to the limit every single minute of the workout.

      You will probably not see a big difference between those two people when it comes to health and fitness after 1 week, after 1 month, perhaps not after 3 months.

      But after 6 months and more, the difference in their training is starting to show on the outside.

      After 1-2 years, person B will a lightyear ahead.

      How was it accomplished?

      By person B pushing himself to the limit, and doing it consistently.

      THAT is how you reach your peak potential FAST.

      At the end, your success is the sum of all the correct small activities you have completed every single day in order to bring you closer to your peak potential 😉

      Have a great weekend, Jenna.

      Best,

      Tor

      • Jenna Dalton

        Jun 22, 2015 at 3:30 pm

        That absolutely makes sense, Tor. I love that way of thinking and have always thought that to be the case myself – it’s not necessarily one big action that gets you results, it’s a bunch of smaller actions put together over time. Smart strategy, my friend. Keep up the great work!

        • Tor Refsland

          Jun 24, 2015 at 11:45 am

          Thanks, Jenna.

          The clue is to take a big hairy goal(DUMB goal) and break it down into smaller manageable goals (SMART goal).

          The same to you, my friend 🙂

          Tor

  11. Dennis Seymour

    Jun 19, 2015 at 2:37 pm

    Cool post Tor. Goal setting has been a problem for me over the years. I made it a point to address that this year.

    I’m getting things done, though it feels slow, but I am creeping towards accomplishing goals which is the important part!

    You know what would complete this? Tools! Haha 😀 Obsessed with productivity tools.

    Enjoy the weekend!

    • Tor Refsland

      Jun 20, 2015 at 8:20 am

      Thanks a lot for stopping by to comment, Dennis.

      The most important thing is that you are improving 🙂

      Rome wasn`t built in one day 😉

      Productivity can be of great assistance, but at the end of the day, it really comes down to how focused you can work on your most important tasks…every single hour of your workday 😉

      In my experience, too many tools can be counterproductive.

      Have a great weekend 🙂

      Tor

  12. Jane Gordon

    Jun 19, 2015 at 2:22 pm

    I have the biggest problem with the “procrastination beast”! Thanks for the tips! 🙂

    • Tor Refsland

      Jun 20, 2015 at 8:17 am

      Thanks a lot for commenting, Jane.

      I hope that you will start to implement a few of the tips here, so you can handle the beast once and for all 😉

      Have a great weekend.

      Tor

  13. Andrew M. Warner

    Jun 19, 2015 at 1:34 pm

    Hey Tor,

    Good stuff here.

    The big hairy goal concept is something that I try to do all the time. It makes it much easier when you actually get to break it down into steps you can take to move forward. I made the mistake before of just trying to do it all at once, which didn’t work.

    You did a great job with this post.

    – Andrew

    • Tor Refsland

      Jun 20, 2015 at 8:16 am

      Thanks a lot for stopping by to comment, Andrew.

      I really appreciate it 🙂

      Handling a big hairy goal is like handling a 7 course meal. You don`t eat all the courses at once.
      You take ONE course at a time .

      Another big advantage when it comes to handling the smaller goals, is that once you complete a small goal, your confidence increases 😉

      Then you will have more confidence to tackle the next small goal, and when you are about to complete the last small goal (that completes the big hairy goal) your confidence is sky high, you have momentum and you are unstoppable 😉

      Have a great weekend.

      Best,

      Tor

  14. Kevin Duncan

    Jun 19, 2015 at 1:08 pm

    Hi Tor,

    Congrats on getting published at Addicted 2 Success! This site is big time. Congratulations, my friend. 🙂

    Procrastination is definitely a killer. It can be such a difficult habit for people to break, but once they do… well, suddenly their lives are ten times less stressful.

    No need staying up until 4am cramming for an exam (because you started studying weeks ago). No need trying to lose 20 pounds in 7 days for your high school reunion (because you started your diet three months ago). No need stressing and worrying over the things you wish hadn’t waited until the last minute to tackle.

    It’s freeing!

    Great steps you’ve shared with all of us, Tor. I’ll be tweeting this shortly.

    Congrats again! Hope you have an awesome Friday and weekend.

    -Kevin

    • Tor Refsland

      Jun 20, 2015 at 8:09 am

      Thanks a lot for stopping by to comment, Kevin.

      I really appreciate it, buddy.

      Yes, I totally agree with what you are saying. The difference between suffering from procrastination and being able to live a productive life is like night and day.

      If you don`t kill the procrastination beast and building your dream, you will be building someone else`s.

      Thanks a lot for your great comment.

      Have a great weekend.

      Tor

  15. Peter Banerjea

    Jun 19, 2015 at 10:48 am

    Hey Tor!
    Excellent post as usual. Reading your posts is a quick way to get a shot of adrenaline! Keep writing mate!
    Peter

    • Tor Refsland

      Jun 19, 2015 at 1:18 pm

      Hi Peter,

      thanks for stopping by to comment and for your kind words.

      It`s comments like those that makes it worth all the hard work 😉

      Have an awesome day!

      Tor

  16. Anthony Metivier

    Jun 19, 2015 at 10:25 am

    All good points, Tor!

    I too like the “big hairy goals,” concept. It begs another metaphor: the big strong comb (or brush).

    But what do you do with the hydra-effect? I mean, what do you do when tackling one item on your to-do lists means creating another to-do list?

    • Tor Refsland

      Jun 19, 2015 at 1:25 pm

      Thanks for stopping by to comment, Anthony.

      Here is how i deal with the “Hydra-effect”.

      If you have a task A on your to do list, it spawns into several subtasks, I use a technique I call the Dependant Subtask principle.

      It works like this:

      Task A spawns into 5 subtasks.

      Task A – subtask A1
      – subtask A2
      – subtask A3
      – subtask A4
      – subtask A5

      You need to complete all 5 subtasks in order to complete task A. If there are dependencies among the subtasks, you range them from A1 to A5, where A1 is the subtask you have to complete first, then A2, A3, etc.

      In other words, I don`t create another to do list, I just take a big task and split it into several subtasks.

      I hope that helps.

      Best,

      Tor

      • Anthony Metivier

        Jun 27, 2015 at 7:51 am

        I like the Dependent Subtask principle. I’m going to put it to work – thank!

        • Tor Refsland

          Jun 27, 2015 at 9:49 am

          Great, Anthony.

          Good luck.

          And let me know how that goes 🙂

          Tor

  17. Sue Anne Dunlevie

    Jun 19, 2015 at 10:03 am

    Hi, Tor,

    Great article! I like setting “big hairy goals” – I don’t always hit them but it’s amazing how many happen.

    “Focus” is my word this year – after consulting with you, I check email much less now.

    Thanks for the info,
    Sue

    • Tor Refsland

      Jun 19, 2015 at 1:29 pm

      Thanks for stopping by to comment, Sue.

      The secret with “big hairy goals” is actually not necessarily to reach them, but that you will push yourself to achieve a BETTER results than if you didn`t set a high goal.

      Nothing is worse than to procrastinate by always setting realistic goals, which you will hit every single time.

      Setting goals is like training in the gym. If you never increase the amount of weights you lift, you will not progress according to your true potential 😉

      Focus is indeed an important ingredient when it comes to increasing your productivity, reaching your goals, being present and more happy.

      Best,

      Tor

  18. Lawrence Berry

    Jun 19, 2015 at 2:58 am

    The three things that I like here that have proved to be the most beneficial for me is having a why, having a plan, and taking action. When you have a why for what you want to do in life and you wake up to your why and a dream, you have motivation. After you have motivation, you need a plan of action, and after you have a plan, you need to take action. This are the true keys to success for me and you nailed it in detail in this article. Thanks for sharing!

    • Tor Refsland

      Jun 19, 2015 at 1:35 pm

      Thanks for commenting and for your kind words, Lawrence.

      Yes, reaching your goals isn`t really that complicated.

      It`s actually SIMPLE (but not easy).

      If you were going to go skiing for 10 kilometers the first time in your life, and you had never done it before, you would probably suck at it.

      The weather might be bad, your technique would be probably be far from perfect, and your skis might not be prepared in the best way.

      However, the only thing standing between you and the 10 kilometers finish line, is if you decide to QUIT.

      It doesn`t matter how bad the weather is, how tired and fed up you are, or how much you suck at skiing.

      If you have a strong enough WHY and you continue to move forward, you WILL reach the finish line eventually.

      That is basically how reaching your goals work 😉

      Have an awesome day.

      Best,

      Tor

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Life

15 Typical Life Problems And How To Solve Them.

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Image Credit: Unsplash / Aaron Weiss

All of our problems are the same. This is the 156th time I’ve written this fact (for those of you counting).

Problems are forever and we can’t avoid them. You’ll wake up tomorrow and have problems for breakfast. You’ll jump on the train and read a problem in your email inbox.

You’ll get to the office and get a problem smack bang in your pretty face!

The typical problems we face can be solved.

Here are 15 typical life problems and how to solve them:


You didn’t reach your goal.

Just because you set a goal, doesn’t mean you’re going to get it. Many of life’s toughest goals take lots of attempts. Some of the goals I missed are:

• Dream careers

• Girls I wanted to date

• Saving enough money to build a school in Laos

• Reaching 100k followers on LinkedIn

People who talk about success and personal development (and even write for a site called Addicted2Success like me) also don’t reach their goals.

The best feeling about reaching a goal is the journey it took to get there. If all your goals were easy, then you’d feel nothing at the end of the process.

Solution:

Take the goal you didn’t achieve and try a different approach. Doing the same thing over and over to achieve your goal is the definition of insanity.

Your heroes miss their goals tooWhat makes them stand out is that they don’t give up. The fun of goal-setting is knowing that you’ll fail.


Someone criticized you.

If you want to make a dent in this world, then the critics will come out of the closet. The bigger your aspirations are, the more you’ll be criticized.

The number of critics you have is in direct proportion to your success.

“I had an entire blog post written about me saying how stupid I was. It felt like crap on day one. By day seven I’d made peace with the criticism and kept writing”

Solution:

You can’t please everybody that you meet in life.

When you speak on a stage, for example, 25% of people will like you, 25% won’t know who you are and 50% of people will think you’re an asshole even though you’ve probably done nothing wrong.

Critics are not all bad. You can learn things about yourself from them too. The solution is to learn from criticism, not be afraid of it.


Your career got messed up.

Whether you’re an entrepreneur or a happy-go-lucky office worker, your career is going to get messed up at some point.

The definition of business is this: Moving from one problem to another and making money in the meantime to fuel your mission. Business is really just problem-solving.

  • Redundancy could right hook you in the face.
  • The business you founded could go backwards and even bankrupt.
  • Your career skills could become outdated.
  • You could get fired for making a mistake.

Your career is going to get messed upThings you can never predict in your career are going to happen.

Solution:

See career challenges for what they are: an opportunity to try something different. If your career never got messed up, then you’d probably stay in your comfort-zone for your entire life and never try something different.

The solution is to see your career getting messed up as chance to grow.Getting made redundant could be the one reality that makes you want to create your own startup.

Having a customer leave could decrease your workload and create space for clients who won’t drain your time and make you no money.


You have financial troubles.

That crazy little thing called money will let you down at some point.

I’ve personally been rich and poor multiple times”

Upon reflection, the time I’ve been the happiest has been when I’ve had the least amount of money.

Countless studies have shown that money isn’t what your life’s about. As humans, we seek meaning, love and our own version of happiness.

Money won’t give you any of those human needs.

That doesn’t mean money doesn’t matter; it just means that it shouldn’t be your main focus or something you obsess over.

Solution:

Lack of money is a gift. When you don’t have money, you become resourceful and creative at the same time.

Lack of money helps you decide on what matters and what doesn’t.

If things get really bad, then you’ll likely prioritize feeding your family over buying another useless car that will never make you happy. You’ll take joy in the simple things in life.

The solution to financial problems is to see them as a gift and choose a meaning for your life instead.


You’re unhealthy.

Our health has become a real problem. We wonder why we feel tired, sick and get headaches. We’ll all experience health challenges at some point in our life.

How many health challenges we experience in our younger years will come down to food and exercise. The strategies for being healthy haven’t changed.

There’s no mystery around being healthy it’s just that we’ve become lazy.

Convenience powered by apps has overtaken our ability to do basic tasks and not binge watch Netflix every night.

Solution:

Take ownership. Quit feeling sick and do something about itHave some blood tests. Change your diet to be more plant-based.

Drink more water. Get your lazy ass to the gym 3 times a week for 30 minutes. Stand up from your desk every now and then so you’re not sitting for the whole day and messing your spine/neck up.

Whatever you do, take ownership of your health and quit being ignorant.


A relationship ended.

There’s less than 1% of people who met ‘The One,’ lived happily ever after, and never experience a breakup.

Even that 1% will have that relationship end at some point when either side passes away.

For the majority of us who don’t strike gold the first time around, we’re going to have to deal with breakups and the trials and tribulations of romance.

We’ll probably find ourselves in a toxic relationship for too long.

We’ll probably get cheated on at least once.

We’ll probably have our hearts smashed into a million pieces when we discover that someone ‘No longer loves us anymore.’

These are the realities of the human condition and our need to reproduce and keep our species alive.

Solution:

Finding love is about understanding what love is not. You need relationships to end to find out what love really is. All breakups suck in the beginning until you grow and move on. Then, the solution to this problem is to find yourself.

Once you find yourself, the heart will be ready for love again. How you move forward from there is up to you.

You can try the good old fashion nightclub scene. You could go to Meetups. Or, you could start swiping left and right on a few dating apps.

Have your heart broken just don’t let it stay that way


You made a dick of yourself.

Geez, this one is an ugly truth for me.

I’ve made an ass of myself more times than I’ve had protein and veggies for dinner. Here’s a few just for laughs (and your entertainment).

• There was the time I tried to pretend I could be the Wolf of Wall Street and got laughed out of the interview due to not being able to explain derivatives

• There was the time I thought this girl liked me and tried to hug her while we were walking only to have her hate my guts

• There was the time I went out with friends and threw up on my friend’s couch after having a single shot of Tequila

• There was the time I did my first public speaking gig and messed up a speech about my own life which I’d rehearsed over 100 times

We could talk for days about how I’ve embarrassed myself over the years. We could even compare epic fails to see who’s are worse. This is not a game though.

We’re all going to go into situations with the best of intentions or all the experience in the world and still screw up.

Solution:

Making a dick of yourself is a sign of courage. Courage is what is found in leaders and those who are doers.

Making a dick of yourself is an acceptance that you might fail in the short-term.

Those who fail in the short-term will eventually win in the long-term with practice.

The opposite of making a dick of yourself is perfection.That’s a life where you think your shit doesn’t stink and you spend your entire day trying to impress everybody to eventually impress nobody

Making an idiot of yourself is perfectly fine. What’s not fine is being perfect


Someone messed your *shit* up.

Car, home or insert other material possession that doesn’t matter. None of these material things that got messed up are joining you in the afterlife.

You can’t bury the Bentley with you (although someone tried) so you can drive around with your great, great, great grandpa and do burnouts in the afterlife.

The stuff that is going to get messed up doesn’t matter.

Solution:

What matters is that you don’t get messed up. What matters is that you take care of yourself so you can take care of others. Maybe when your junk gets messed up, you’ll realize that you didn’t need it in the first place.


You feel like your life has no meaning.

These moments where nothing makes sense is where you get to explore. We’re not born with a meaning for our life. Meaning comes from learning who we are and growing as a person.

The meaning for your life when you’re 19 will probably change from when you’re 51 and got three grown-up kids.

The quickest way to destroy your life is to believe that life has no meaning. A lack of meaning leads to depression, carelessness, drug taking and even crime at an extreme level.

Solution:

If you feel like your life has no meaning, then it’s time to experiment.Standing still is not how you find the answer.

Being intensely focused on one’s self only leads to more suffering

A short-term solution to this problem is to experiment with helping those who have nothing. Spend time with people who’d kill to be in your position and get some perspective.

I’ve found in my life that the greatest meaning for your life is normally tied to finding something you’d be happy to do for free that helps others.


You feel like you can’t go on.

We’ve all had those days. Those deep and sometimes dark thoughts can lead to a place you’ve never visited.

Some failures in life hurt more than others. Some failures can’t be solved through a listicle post such as this one with a dose of inspiration.

If you truly feel like you can’t go on, then there’s another way.

Solution:

Seek real help. These dark thoughts must be treated and sometimes the best medicine is to seek professional help through counseling, or for an extreme case, by calling Lifeline.

While I’ve never had suicidal thoughts personally, I have dealt with mental illness.

There is a way to come out the other side, but you have to put aside your pride and seek help

Please don’t become another victim of suicide by doing nothing.


Every day feels the same.

You wake up. You eat. You go to work. You eat. You come home. You eat. You go to bed.

Life can feel the same if you do nothing. It’s up to you to create variety and shape your habits into something more than a fixed schedule which makes you feel bored.

Days feel the same when there’s no purpose behind anything you’re doing.

Solution:

You must find joy in the repetition. You do that by taking those reps and making them mean something. Add some variety in by breaking your comfort zone. Set a goal to do something wild during your day every so often.

• Travel to another country

• Talk to someone new

• Try learning a new skill

Even after trying something new, you have to get used to some level of repetition. Let that repetition become habits that serve something which can help others.


Your friends are screwing your life up.

Dump them. Divorce them. Delete their number.

Every relationship you have in your life is a choice. The people around us often hold us back. They fill our minds with limiting beliefs, stories and goals that give us no sense of meaning.

Friends can kill our dreams or make us believe something we never thought was possible.

Solution:

Everyone deserves a second chance. Start by telling your toxic friends how you feel. Give them a chance to change with the new you.

If they refuse, take a break from them for a while. Ask yourself whether you want them in your life long-term.

‘Fitting in’ is what we’re taught to do. What I’d advise you to do is be you instead and that will attract the right people into your life.


You feel stressed.

77% of people in the US alone experience regular stress.

This young, previously blonde blogger has also recently learned about the effects of stress. I had a cortisol test and the doctor found the levels to be twice the normal range.

This stress led to brain fog, tiredness and a lack of mental clarity. Stress is also caused by what you let into your life. Having options can be a bad thing.

Solution:

We don’t need more; we need less to destress

• Declutter your home and office

• Say no to more meetings

• Say yes to invites from people that make you feel like saying “Hell Yes!”

• Buy less material things

• Have fewer people in your life

• Listen to one podcast instead of many

• Read fewer books instead of every one that’s recommended on a podcast

• Have less recurring subscriptions

• Invest and save more money so you can stress less about unexpected bills

• Take regular breaks (quarterly has worked for me)


A fear is standing in your way.

There are so many common fears — fear of spiders, flying, public speaking, dying, career change, heights and maybe even a fear of expressing yourself.

Fear is a concept of the mind. Nothing is scary or not scary. Our mind makes that choice for us and provides meaning to everything.

Fear can be overcome and that’s why we love stories of battling with fear. I’ve famously spoken about creating fear lists and then knocking them off one at a time.

Solution:

Smash the fear into tiny little pieces. Don’t avoid it. Don’t let it stand in your way any longer. Make a decision to overcome each fear you have and you’ll be unstoppable by the end.

Don’t let nerves trick you into thinking you’re fearful. We all get nerves, but we can still keep moving forward with nerves — I’ve even learned to use nerves to my advantage by using them as an extra energy source.

Nerves tell me I’m on the right track.

I’ve overcome my fear of public speaking and my fear of flying — my fear of spiders remains, but I’m working on that one 🙂

Real fear can be overcome through deliberate practice.


Dealing with the concept of death.

Last but not least, the old chestnut of death. Death is the one life problem we all have in common and can’t solve. Sorry for the bad news.

Death is going to take us eventually and it will take people you love through your life too.

The solution to dealing with death is not to overcome it but to accept it

Death can be our greatest motivator if we let it. Once you understand what death means in all of its darkness, you’ll understand life.

You’ll see death, not as a problem but a fact. That fact will change the way you see everything going forward. For me, it took several near-death experiences (almost being murdered and a cancer scare) to see death for what it is.

Death is not an easy pill to swallow. No short blog post like this is going to give you all the answers you’re probably wanting to know.

The only way I see of dealing with the reality of death is to go out there and live the best damn life you can, while you can!

Use your life to do something that gives you meaning and then you’ll no longer see death as a problem when it comes upon you.

Peace, love and respect — thanks for reading.

<<<>>>

If you want to increase your productivity and learn some more valuable life hacks, then join my private mailing list on timdenning.net

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Life

4 Lies You Keep Telling Yourself When You’re Afraid to Do Something

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When’s the last time you let fear get the better of you? Whether we want to admit it or not, fear keeps us from doing a lot of the things we know we really should do to achieve our goals. Fear is especially detrimental to entrepreneurs (read ‘wantrepreneurs’) that want to launch their first big project.

With this in mind, I thought I’d share with you four lies people tend to tell themselves when they’re coming up with reasons NOT to do something. Hopefully by calling out these lies for what they are you can get your next big project started without so much delay or frustration.

Here are the 4 lies you keep telling yourself when you’re afraid to do something:

1. I’m not ready to do this

Fear is a major obstacle for many early-stage entrepreneurs or business people as they start to plan and build their first ventures. Without positive reinforcement, many people can be paralysed by that fear, and some never launch their product or service because of that fear.

They’re afraid what they have to sell is no good, and they lack the self confidence to push through the discomfort and do it anyway. But I’ve got news for you, you are ready.

Discomfort is part of the process, and it is part of the journey. Likely, you will fail or experience certain difficulties, but without regular action, you won’t achieve anything. Regular action is key, so set deadlines for yourself and get to work.

“Momentum begets momentum, and the best way to start is to start.” – Gil Penchina

2. I have so many ideas, but I should wait until I have one that is good enough to pursue

Another big barrier to entry for many young entrepreneurs is knowing where to focus their time, money and energy. Most entrepreneurs have no shortage of good ideas, but knowing which areas to focus their efforts on is key if they truly want to become successful. A jack of all trades is a master of none.

Rather than avoiding choosing one path and trying to juggle three or four ideas, narrow your idea down to one niche, and stick with it for a duration of time to understand whether or not you can gain traction with that idea. When I say traction, I mean interest from the market.

If you can ask a large enough segment of the market for their interest in a certain topic, and if they express interest in that topic (even without buying), you should consider that proof of market validation.

Finding and selecting a niche is also an art in and of itself, but not impossible to teach. You should blend your current skill set (or find something that you can easily learn) with what there is a market demand for and what you are interested in. Once you find something that overlaps in those three areas, you will find a profitable niche for yourself.

3. This has already been created, I shouldn’t bother producing one more thing that people don’t need

Another problem that people face when they consider setting up their own business is learning how to sell, not just to other people, but to themselves. Chances are, if you have an idea for a product, it can be marketed and sold effectively, and it will provide some value to those who use it.

Unfortunately, many people have a very low self-image of their own skills and knowledge, and whether or not what they have will be of value to others.

Negative self talk can be a powerful influence on the success of your future business, so beware of its influence on you and how often you find yourself slipping into this mindset.

One way to get out of this mindset is to think less of yourself and more about the customer. Get in the habit of thinking less about what skills you have (or what skills you lack) and think instead of the market and what needs those people have.

When you decide to solve people’s problems, you have gone into a mode of selfless service, which is ultimately much more profitable than sitting on your butt feeling sorry for yourself. Strange isn’t it?

“The best way to sell yourself to others is first to sell the others to yourself.” – Napoleon Hill

4. It’s too late to start working on this today, I’ll make a fresh start in the morning

Everyone knows that the first few hours of the morning tend to be the most productive. With that in mind, it makes sense to start your day with the tasks that are going to be the most challenging, followed by the tasks that are perhaps more enjoyable or less monotonous. However, that won’t work for some people.

Sometimes it’s hard to wake up first thing in the morning. Perhaps you stayed out partying too hard last night, or you were kept up watching Netflix. Maybe you got to bed at a reasonable hour but just aren’t a morning person. Whatever the case, don’t think that you have to let all of the pieces fall into the right place at the right time.

Starting now is always better than waiting. Sure, you might not send off a client deliverable to someone at 2am, but if you are up and awake and able to string two sentences together or spend 15 minutes researching a certain topic, do it. Making even small bits of progress over time can lead to lasting success.

Whatever you end up telling yourself, understand that you are still responsible for your actions. Perhaps more importantly, you are responsible for your inaction. What inaction will you be responsible for if you decide to believe the lies you tell yourself on a regular basis?

How could your life be different if you decided, starting today, you aren’t going to take no for an answer? I for one, would love to see what the new you does with that power.

How do you get yourself back on track when you’re afraid to do something? Let us know your thoughts below!

Image courtesy of Twenty20.com

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Life

6 Signs That You’re Already the Master of Your Own Destiny

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You wake up early, grind, produce, and orient yourself to the best you can be every day. What if, just for today, you paused for a moment to honor how far you’ve come? How might it serve you and how you serve others if you just gave yourself praise for all the adversity you have met with open arms?

It can be distorting at times to take a level-headed assessment of how far we have come while on our journey to success and personal mastery. There is a renewed personal vitality and nourishment that occurs when we slow down and sit with personal praise for a moment.

With that, consider this the letter from the Robin to your Batman. This is your permission slip to realize fully that no matter where you’re at, that all your time and talents have gotten you this far, and that is something to celebrate!

When it comes to carving our higher selves out of the blood, sweat, and tears in applying courage towards our dreams, there is tremendous value in developing an intimate relationship with all the ways in which our mindset, values, behaviors, and perspective have shifted over time.

Here are the signs that you’re already the master of your own destiny:

1. You have moved past the tendency of judging others

Your baseline state is observing the nuances of a situation or interaction without projecting your thoughts, emotions, or insecurities onto others. The flexibility that is born from this skill of self-knowledge and emotional awareness is the bedrock and proof for how far you’ve come.

2. Relationships in your life are changing

You’re attracting relationships into your life that reflect your higher self and dropping those that no longer serve your best interests. If people start to fall out of your life, you no longer feel guilty or sad – you simply come to terms with this inevitable fact of personal evolution.

Everyone walks their own path here, and just because they no longer resonate with you, does not make them a bad person. It just means they too need to find others who share their vibration.

“Truth is everybody is going to hurt you: you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.” – Bob Marley

3. You have become increasingly in tune with the emotional component of social skills

You think less, and you feel more. Humans are moved by emotion, so the more you become emotionally aware you are the more you can actualize your impact.

Ultimately, you understand the interconnectedness of being open to more of what is going on around you with how others are feeling and the emotions going on in yourself, so your leadership has become more inclusive and effective.

4. You believe you can inspire the world just by being who you authentically are

Sure, you have days of confusion and setbacks, and you still feel a form of relaxation when you’re tethered to the deep knowing that the more you share from a place of authenticity you give others permission to do the same. This belief opens the door to more intuitive listening to your gut. It also means you’re less attached to outcomes, which comes with it the sort of freedom only few people ever really experience.

“Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it’s better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.” – Marilyn Monroe

5. You are kind to yourself by honoring your integrity

This means not giving yourself a break to bail out on your word you give to yourself and others, and you do so from a place of compassion. You understand the difference between setting standards and your word to align with perfectionism compared to that which serves your dignity and the dignity of those around you.

This subtle wisdom in perspective can mean all the difference in creating your empire through burning out and maintaining peak performance over time, while truly enjoying the ride.

6. You prioritize self-care and personal recovery

Gone are the days of working hard and playing hard. Whether you experienced burnout in the past or have witnessed it in others, you are meticulous in your self-care strategies.

You’ve come to internalize the risks of working hard to build the life you want only to miss enjoying it because you succumbed to being plugged in around the clock.

You must prioritize all the following:

  • Meditation
  • Staying hydrated
  • Getting a good night’s sleep
  • Eating healthy in accordance to your body type and what it needs to stay optimized
  • Intimate connection with those you care about
  • Journaling to organize your thoughts
  • Creating healthy boundaries and saying no when appropriate

You deserve to be acknowledged, wherever you are on your journey. Don’t let the spell of personal improvement cloud your sense of personal mastery in the now.

Your destiny is relying on you to appreciate who you are at the core and share yourself with the world authentically. On some level, you can do that fully, right now. May this be an inspiration to press pause more often and honor yourself, in the name of falling in love with the process.

How do you spend your time relaxing in order to recharge yourself? Let us know what you do in the comments below!

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Life

How to Instantly Heighten Your Influence Through Effective Communication

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As a practitioner and coach of NLP, I regularly experience people reaching out to me to work through a problem. While these issues range anywhere from a relational vendetta to a self-discovery impasse, roughly 90 percent of these hang-ups are centered around ineffective communication.

Now, I in no way claim to be an expert in this department. In fact, the more I dissect what I know to be true about communication, the more I realize I’m aloof to most of it. However, amongst the sea of pain and heartache, some common themes arose from the language and perceptions being opted for. These patterns clearly weren’t doing anyone any favors in the arenas of connection and influence and moreover, created a vague feeling of  —and  I use this term loosely — helplessness.

This isn’t exactly a surprise, as sharing and receiving ideas isn’t exactly our strong suit. Social issues, divorces, and violence can all be traced back to some type of breakdown in communication. Much of the world succumbs to a baseline of ineffective dialogue and we need an effective solution.

After just about every meaningful relationship in my life bit the dust, I woke up to a few painstakingly common denominators that were consistently tarnishing the effect I was having on people. Have a peek behind the curtain.

Here are four critical communication distinctions that will make an immediate impact with the people in your life:

1. Resist the urge to say “you”

Because of our overwhelming desire to be right — and therefore protected — we love sharing where the other person failed to meet our expectations. It’s common practice to pepper the phrases “you did this” or “you said that” throughout our explanation, as we want to reinforce how the other person made us feel.

This gets us absolutely nowhere and transforms the pre-existing chain-link fence into castle walls. By renouncing the use of “you”, the person’s nerves are calmed as the spotlight has been taken off of them—dissipating the feeling of being put on trial. The entire experience is now under consideration and they can sense you’ll be a little more objective in your drawing of conclusions.

“Communication- the human connection – is the key to personal and career success.” – Paul J. Meyer

2. Use “what” instead of “why”

Questions can be the most powerful gateway to understanding what’s happening in another person’s world. However, we often jump the gun when it comes to dealing with communication breakdowns.

“Why” possesses far too much depth as an inquiry, often careening someone off an emotional cliff. It pierces the conscious mind and it typically elicits a sharp comment or cutting remark in response, capping a lid on the potential for forward momentum in the conversation. Most people would prefer walking into the ocean, as opposed to being dropped into shark-infested waters.

“What” is much more of a surface-level inquisition. It treads lightly and doesn’t require the other person to dig as deep in their explanation. “Why” confronts the individual, while “what” confronts the situation.

3. Resist over-identifying with what’s being said

Expecting someone else to base their every move around your feelings is a recipe for disaster. No one has a complete picture of reality but our continual sole reliance on our own subjective view robs us of being quality contributors to others — most notably, in our closest relationships.

It’s the difference between the spouse who yells and screams at their partner for coming home late versus the one that greets their partner with genuine concern and worry for their well-being. One is a focus on the short-term (the emotions that arose from the situation), while the other is a response to the long-term and what’s most important (the health of the individual).

Taking the “all things considered” approach will do you far more good than simply concerning yourself with your own feelings. After all, they aren’t always valid. Stop yourself from the knee-jerk reactions whenever curveballs get thrown your way and instead, take a look at the score, the inning, how many outs, and the men on base— then you can take a swing.

“Communication must be HOT. That’s Honest, Open, and Two-way.” – Dan Oswald

4. Understand that how you perceive the conversation is entirely one-dimensional

Words, tone, and body language can play serious tricks on us sometimes. Consider that it’s impossible to know the truth within a conversation, as the “truth” is contingent upon whose point of view you’re basing it off of.

When communication reaches a stopping point, it’s usually a result of neither party being willing to waver on their indifferences. Attachment and pride get in the way in many areas of life and communication is no exception. To truly understand another person and appreciate where they’re coming from, you must give up your point of view.

It allows you to be a clear space for their ideas and input—free from judgment or cynicism. You can literally create freedom for another human being simply by opting to remain stoic and allow them to try on their own opinion, instead of having to force it down someone else’s combative throat.

This doesn’t mean you agree with them or validate what they’re saying. It’s simply a matter of making an impact— people will not move for someone they don’t feel heard by. Giving up your position not only allows room to understand another person, it creates freedom to roam the meadow of new ideas. It shows you that you’re okay despite temporarily being of no position or stance.

Our ego thinks we can’t survive without a strong opinion etched firmly within our psyche. It’s up to you to show yourself that you don’t have to be held hostage to that opinion— for you can let go of it at any moment in lieu of what really makes the difference for people.

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Business Networking Is Just Like Dating, Treat It That Way

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Let’s be real, you can all go out and try to find a sale at the next business networking event, but unless you’re a millionaire such as Grant Cardone or Gary Vaynerchuk, what’s the real purpose of going to a business networking event? Business networking events are meant to meet like-minded individuals just like you to build a relationship whether it’s business, friendship, or (call me crazy) even romantic. (more…)

Dominic Cruz is the CruzIN Social Media Marketer, ex-professional hip-hop dancer, a college graduate at SDSU, public speaker, and a published writer. He has a strong passion for social media and for what it has to offer to business owners like you. He was raised in the city of Boston, MA and born in New Orleans, LA. Every day there is something new in the world of social media and there are multiple ways of getting paid using social media. It's the platform that brings you maximum exposure and with more exposure is more opportunity to bring in GUARANTEED revenue. To learn more about his company, visit his site here.

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40 Comments

40 Comments

  1. Apeh Kelvin Chibueze

    Jul 3, 2016 at 2:25 pm

    Your writings inspire one and lift off the burden of past regrets on procrastination. I’ve dwelled on procrastination for long and it has really eaten Me up. I’ve that potential to accomplish my vision but how to go about it considering the task involved has really tied Me down all because of procrastination. Yes, I’ve gotten the light! Thanks Man.

  2. Connie

    Jul 30, 2015 at 2:39 am

    TOR, this article will be very helpful. I’m changing careers, even though I am staying in the medical field. This will be of great help in planning things out. I look forward to reading more of your articles. Thank you.

    • Tor Refsland

      Jul 30, 2015 at 9:13 am

      Hi Connie,

      thanks for your comment.

      I`m glad that you found my article useful 🙂

      Feel send me an email if you need any sparring regarding planning or productivity 😉

      Have a great day.

      Best,

      Tor

  3. Brent Jones

    Jun 22, 2015 at 9:43 pm

    Awesome Post, Tor! Shared it on all my networks. 🙂

    I like the point about WHY.

    One of my mentors once told me, “Figure out why and how will reveal itself.”

    Seriously, when we can mentally envision what success will look like, it’s 1000x easier to accomplish great things!

    • Tor Refsland

      Jun 24, 2015 at 11:52 am

      Thanks, Brent.

      I really appreciate your support and you sharing the post.

      You are AWESOME 😉

      Yup, one of my mentors actually told me the same line…(true story).

      A strong WHY will make you be able to endure all the challenges, the hardship, go outside your comfort zone and do A LOT of things you REALLY don`t WANT to do…

      …but you will do it, because the big PRIZE at the end of the journey is so WORTH it!

      Have a great day,

      Tor

  4. Sonia Thompson

    Jun 22, 2015 at 3:15 pm

    Hey Tor!

    Killing procrastination is so super important for entrepreneurs, so I’m glad you covered this topic.

    My favorite step is the one about 1 to-do list. I generally only work with one, but as I’ve started working on some bigger projects, I see the importance of writing down ALL the steps that need to happen, and then that then allows me to figure out what’s on the critical path and what’s not – which then helps me create a proper daily task list.

    • Tor Refsland

      Jun 24, 2015 at 11:56 am

      Hi Sonia,

      great to see you here.

      Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

      Having ONE to do list will totally change your day, your way of working and yes…increase your productivity tremendously.

      By ONLY having 1 to do list, using the 80/20 rules prioritising the most important tasks at any given time, and sorting the priority of the tasks using the ABCDE method, helped me to increase my productivity with 200% in my previous six-figure income job.

      The result was that I was actually able to do in 2 hours what I normally spent 8 hours of doing.

      Side note – this is how the ABCDE method works:

      I Prioritize the tasks using the ABCDE method:

      A :Tasks I must do – serious consequences if it doesn`t get done
      B: Tasks I should do – mild consequences if it doesn`t get done
      C: Tasks I could do – no consequences if it doesn`t get done
      D: Tasks I delegate
      E: Tasks I never do

      You never do a B task before you have done alle the A tasks, and you never do a C task before you have done all the B tasks, etc.

      Have a great day!

      Tor

  5. Hanna

    Jun 22, 2015 at 3:10 am

    Good useful article Tor – my biggest challenge is the WHY, seems it’s just not BIG enough so any tips on finding your WHY would be greatly appreciated.

    Thank you for the share.

    • Tor Refsland

      Jun 24, 2015 at 12:01 pm

      Hi Hanna,

      first of all, regarding finding your WHY. Since I don`t know what type of project you are talking about, it`s hard for me to give a specific feedback.

      THAT being said…

      if you have a challenge to find your big WHY…

      well, most likely you just don`t have a strong WHY for that project / journey.

      Having a PASSION and a strong WHY is like chemistry with someone when you are on a first date.

      Either you have it, or you don`t.

      However, there might be a few exceptions to this.

      Let me tell you this…

      Visit my website and contact me. Shoot me an email with more details, and I can probably give you a much more detailed answer to your specific situation 😉

      Best,

      Tor

  6. Daniela Uslan

    Jun 22, 2015 at 1:25 am

    Hi Tor,

    What a great list of suggestions! One of the tips that I struggle with the most is self discipline. Even when I have a clear goal, a clear WHY, and support, I find myself getting off track and going on Facebook or wasting time. Also having one master list. That sounds so daunting, but yet so simple. I will have to try it! Thanks for the tips!

    Daniela

    • Tor Refsland

      Jun 24, 2015 at 11:49 am

      Hi Daniela,

      thanks for stopping by to comment 🙂

      You have the clear goal, a clear WHY and support?

      That`s great! 🙂

      What you should do is to focus on FOCUSING (yeah, I wrote that sentence on purpose).

      The key about focusing is to remove all distractions; turn off or mute your cellphone, be unavailable to people and TURN OFF your internet connection.

      Yup, you read correct 😉

      When you remove all distractions, and only FOCUS on ONE task at a time, you should be able to get your stuff done 😉

      Have an awesome day!

      Tor

    • Tor Refsland

      Jun 24, 2015 at 12:05 pm

      Hi Daniela,

      thanks for stopping by.

      You found your clear goal, a clear WHY and support, right?

      That is GREAT!

      Your next step should be focus on FOCUSING (yeah, I wrote that sentence on purpose 😉 )

      You should remove ALL distractions; mute or turn off your cellphone, make yourself unavailable for other people, and turn off your internet connection.

      Yes, you read correct.

      When you are able to focus on ONE single task at hand, and not being distracted, you will instantly become more productive!

      You can do it 🙂

      Best,

      Tor

  7. Joanna

    Jun 20, 2015 at 8:02 pm

    Great post, Tor

    I agree, realising that for the past (insert your number) weeks/months/years you’ve been hitting the wrong goals and ticking off your to-do lists things that don’t really take you where you truly want to go takes a lot of courage and is painful, if not devastating. But if you can take it and turn the learning into a new course of action, then the reward is awesome!

    • Tor Refsland

      Jun 21, 2015 at 12:17 pm

      Thanks for commenting, Joanna.

      Yes, heading in the wrong direction can be crippling for your journey.

      However, the good thing is to stop…and take a breath. Get an overview, and see where you are located compared to your target destination.

      It`s important to not beat yourself up if you took the wrong path, but just change the course and find the silver lining in the experience.

      There is nothing that is called good or bad experience. It`s just experience.

      What you do with it is up to you 🙂

      Have a great day.

      Tor

  8. Carol Amato

    Jun 20, 2015 at 6:03 pm

    What an excellent article! Loved each and every point you made – extremely helpful.

    Especially the ‘When’ and ‘Self-Discipline’ sections. Deadlines are great, but if we don’t have the self-discipline to carry them out, we’re lost. LOL Plain old kitchen timer works for me as well as accountability partner.

    Loved the quote you included by Napoleon Hill, so apt here!

    Thanks for sharing, and have a great weekend.

    Carol Amato

    • Tor Refsland

      Jun 21, 2015 at 12:19 pm

      Thanks for stopping by to comment, Carol.

      Yes, self-discipline is perhaps the hardest factor when it comes to reaching your goal and succeed.

      However, the more you practice it, the easier it becomes.

      A kitchen timer sounds indeed like a great accountability partner 😉

      Have a great day!

      Tor

  9. Andrea Beltrami

    Jun 20, 2015 at 5:30 pm

    Epic list, Tor! These seem easy enough but oh how looks can be deceiving. Each one of these has taken a LOT of time for me to wrap my mentality around but I’ve gotten pretty decent at most. Now if I could just implement them all at the same time. Hahaha

    There’s still a nagging need to procrastinate when I’m afraid or when it’s a task I don’t enjoy doing. What can I say, I’m a work in progress…but aren’t we all! 😉

    • Tor Refsland

      Jun 21, 2015 at 12:25 pm

      Thanks for stopping by to share your thoughts, Andrea.

      I was struggling a long time with these tips as well. However, when I became good at them, it totally changed my life.

      The difference between successful people and people who are not, is that successful people are willing to improve their most important skills ALL the time, and never be satisfied and procrastinate.

      When we are faced with insecurity or fear, procrastination has a tendency to appear.

      But the more we practice to go outside our comfort zone, do sparring with mentors and get used to handle uncomfortable situations, we will become better at it, and we will procrastinate less when we are faced with a new unknown situation 😉

      Tor

  10. Jenna Dalton

    Jun 19, 2015 at 9:01 pm

    Great article, Tor. I love what you said to Sue too – in the comment above – about procrastinating by setting realistic goals that you’ll hit every time.

    I never thought of that being procrastination before but you’re right, it absolutely is!

    Time to go set some bigger goals 🙂

    • Tor Refsland

      Jun 20, 2015 at 8:30 am

      Thanks a lot for stopping by to comment, Jenna.

      It means a lot 🙂

      In a nutshell; when you don`t perform at your best ability to reach your peak potential, you are actually procrastinating.

      It`s a lot like with the “slight edge” principle.

      Person A trains 1 times in the gym per week and just does the bare minimum workout, while person B trains 3 times a week and pushes himself/herself to the limit every single minute of the workout.

      You will probably not see a big difference between those two people when it comes to health and fitness after 1 week, after 1 month, perhaps not after 3 months.

      But after 6 months and more, the difference in their training is starting to show on the outside.

      After 1-2 years, person B will a lightyear ahead.

      How was it accomplished?

      By person B pushing himself to the limit, and doing it consistently.

      THAT is how you reach your peak potential FAST.

      At the end, your success is the sum of all the correct small activities you have completed every single day in order to bring you closer to your peak potential 😉

      Have a great weekend, Jenna.

      Best,

      Tor

      • Jenna Dalton

        Jun 22, 2015 at 3:30 pm

        That absolutely makes sense, Tor. I love that way of thinking and have always thought that to be the case myself – it’s not necessarily one big action that gets you results, it’s a bunch of smaller actions put together over time. Smart strategy, my friend. Keep up the great work!

        • Tor Refsland

          Jun 24, 2015 at 11:45 am

          Thanks, Jenna.

          The clue is to take a big hairy goal(DUMB goal) and break it down into smaller manageable goals (SMART goal).

          The same to you, my friend 🙂

          Tor

  11. Dennis Seymour

    Jun 19, 2015 at 2:37 pm

    Cool post Tor. Goal setting has been a problem for me over the years. I made it a point to address that this year.

    I’m getting things done, though it feels slow, but I am creeping towards accomplishing goals which is the important part!

    You know what would complete this? Tools! Haha 😀 Obsessed with productivity tools.

    Enjoy the weekend!

    • Tor Refsland

      Jun 20, 2015 at 8:20 am

      Thanks a lot for stopping by to comment, Dennis.

      The most important thing is that you are improving 🙂

      Rome wasn`t built in one day 😉

      Productivity can be of great assistance, but at the end of the day, it really comes down to how focused you can work on your most important tasks…every single hour of your workday 😉

      In my experience, too many tools can be counterproductive.

      Have a great weekend 🙂

      Tor

  12. Jane Gordon

    Jun 19, 2015 at 2:22 pm

    I have the biggest problem with the “procrastination beast”! Thanks for the tips! 🙂

    • Tor Refsland

      Jun 20, 2015 at 8:17 am

      Thanks a lot for commenting, Jane.

      I hope that you will start to implement a few of the tips here, so you can handle the beast once and for all 😉

      Have a great weekend.

      Tor

  13. Andrew M. Warner

    Jun 19, 2015 at 1:34 pm

    Hey Tor,

    Good stuff here.

    The big hairy goal concept is something that I try to do all the time. It makes it much easier when you actually get to break it down into steps you can take to move forward. I made the mistake before of just trying to do it all at once, which didn’t work.

    You did a great job with this post.

    – Andrew

    • Tor Refsland

      Jun 20, 2015 at 8:16 am

      Thanks a lot for stopping by to comment, Andrew.

      I really appreciate it 🙂

      Handling a big hairy goal is like handling a 7 course meal. You don`t eat all the courses at once.
      You take ONE course at a time .

      Another big advantage when it comes to handling the smaller goals, is that once you complete a small goal, your confidence increases 😉

      Then you will have more confidence to tackle the next small goal, and when you are about to complete the last small goal (that completes the big hairy goal) your confidence is sky high, you have momentum and you are unstoppable 😉

      Have a great weekend.

      Best,

      Tor

  14. Kevin Duncan

    Jun 19, 2015 at 1:08 pm

    Hi Tor,

    Congrats on getting published at Addicted 2 Success! This site is big time. Congratulations, my friend. 🙂

    Procrastination is definitely a killer. It can be such a difficult habit for people to break, but once they do… well, suddenly their lives are ten times less stressful.

    No need staying up until 4am cramming for an exam (because you started studying weeks ago). No need trying to lose 20 pounds in 7 days for your high school reunion (because you started your diet three months ago). No need stressing and worrying over the things you wish hadn’t waited until the last minute to tackle.

    It’s freeing!

    Great steps you’ve shared with all of us, Tor. I’ll be tweeting this shortly.

    Congrats again! Hope you have an awesome Friday and weekend.

    -Kevin

    • Tor Refsland

      Jun 20, 2015 at 8:09 am

      Thanks a lot for stopping by to comment, Kevin.

      I really appreciate it, buddy.

      Yes, I totally agree with what you are saying. The difference between suffering from procrastination and being able to live a productive life is like night and day.

      If you don`t kill the procrastination beast and building your dream, you will be building someone else`s.

      Thanks a lot for your great comment.

      Have a great weekend.

      Tor

  15. Peter Banerjea

    Jun 19, 2015 at 10:48 am

    Hey Tor!
    Excellent post as usual. Reading your posts is a quick way to get a shot of adrenaline! Keep writing mate!
    Peter

    • Tor Refsland

      Jun 19, 2015 at 1:18 pm

      Hi Peter,

      thanks for stopping by to comment and for your kind words.

      It`s comments like those that makes it worth all the hard work 😉

      Have an awesome day!

      Tor

  16. Anthony Metivier

    Jun 19, 2015 at 10:25 am

    All good points, Tor!

    I too like the “big hairy goals,” concept. It begs another metaphor: the big strong comb (or brush).

    But what do you do with the hydra-effect? I mean, what do you do when tackling one item on your to-do lists means creating another to-do list?

    • Tor Refsland

      Jun 19, 2015 at 1:25 pm

      Thanks for stopping by to comment, Anthony.

      Here is how i deal with the “Hydra-effect”.

      If you have a task A on your to do list, it spawns into several subtasks, I use a technique I call the Dependant Subtask principle.

      It works like this:

      Task A spawns into 5 subtasks.

      Task A – subtask A1
      – subtask A2
      – subtask A3
      – subtask A4
      – subtask A5

      You need to complete all 5 subtasks in order to complete task A. If there are dependencies among the subtasks, you range them from A1 to A5, where A1 is the subtask you have to complete first, then A2, A3, etc.

      In other words, I don`t create another to do list, I just take a big task and split it into several subtasks.

      I hope that helps.

      Best,

      Tor

      • Anthony Metivier

        Jun 27, 2015 at 7:51 am

        I like the Dependent Subtask principle. I’m going to put it to work – thank!

        • Tor Refsland

          Jun 27, 2015 at 9:49 am

          Great, Anthony.

          Good luck.

          And let me know how that goes 🙂

          Tor

  17. Sue Anne Dunlevie

    Jun 19, 2015 at 10:03 am

    Hi, Tor,

    Great article! I like setting “big hairy goals” – I don’t always hit them but it’s amazing how many happen.

    “Focus” is my word this year – after consulting with you, I check email much less now.

    Thanks for the info,
    Sue

    • Tor Refsland

      Jun 19, 2015 at 1:29 pm

      Thanks for stopping by to comment, Sue.

      The secret with “big hairy goals” is actually not necessarily to reach them, but that you will push yourself to achieve a BETTER results than if you didn`t set a high goal.

      Nothing is worse than to procrastinate by always setting realistic goals, which you will hit every single time.

      Setting goals is like training in the gym. If you never increase the amount of weights you lift, you will not progress according to your true potential 😉

      Focus is indeed an important ingredient when it comes to increasing your productivity, reaching your goals, being present and more happy.

      Best,

      Tor

  18. Lawrence Berry

    Jun 19, 2015 at 2:58 am

    The three things that I like here that have proved to be the most beneficial for me is having a why, having a plan, and taking action. When you have a why for what you want to do in life and you wake up to your why and a dream, you have motivation. After you have motivation, you need a plan of action, and after you have a plan, you need to take action. This are the true keys to success for me and you nailed it in detail in this article. Thanks for sharing!

    • Tor Refsland

      Jun 19, 2015 at 1:35 pm

      Thanks for commenting and for your kind words, Lawrence.

      Yes, reaching your goals isn`t really that complicated.

      It`s actually SIMPLE (but not easy).

      If you were going to go skiing for 10 kilometers the first time in your life, and you had never done it before, you would probably suck at it.

      The weather might be bad, your technique would be probably be far from perfect, and your skis might not be prepared in the best way.

      However, the only thing standing between you and the 10 kilometers finish line, is if you decide to QUIT.

      It doesn`t matter how bad the weather is, how tired and fed up you are, or how much you suck at skiing.

      If you have a strong enough WHY and you continue to move forward, you WILL reach the finish line eventually.

      That is basically how reaching your goals work 😉

      Have an awesome day.

      Best,

      Tor

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Life

15 Typical Life Problems And How To Solve Them.

Published

on

Image Credit: Unsplash / Aaron Weiss

All of our problems are the same. This is the 156th time I’ve written this fact (for those of you counting).

Problems are forever and we can’t avoid them. You’ll wake up tomorrow and have problems for breakfast. You’ll jump on the train and read a problem in your email inbox.

You’ll get to the office and get a problem smack bang in your pretty face!

The typical problems we face can be solved.

Here are 15 typical life problems and how to solve them:


You didn’t reach your goal.

Just because you set a goal, doesn’t mean you’re going to get it. Many of life’s toughest goals take lots of attempts. Some of the goals I missed are:

• Dream careers

• Girls I wanted to date

• Saving enough money to build a school in Laos

• Reaching 100k followers on LinkedIn

People who talk about success and personal development (and even write for a site called Addicted2Success like me) also don’t reach their goals.

The best feeling about reaching a goal is the journey it took to get there. If all your goals were easy, then you’d feel nothing at the end of the process.

Solution:

Take the goal you didn’t achieve and try a different approach. Doing the same thing over and over to achieve your goal is the definition of insanity.

Your heroes miss their goals tooWhat makes them stand out is that they don’t give up. The fun of goal-setting is knowing that you’ll fail.


Someone criticized you.

If you want to make a dent in this world, then the critics will come out of the closet. The bigger your aspirations are, the more you’ll be criticized.

The number of critics you have is in direct proportion to your success.

“I had an entire blog post written about me saying how stupid I was. It felt like crap on day one. By day seven I’d made peace with the criticism and kept writing”

Solution:

You can’t please everybody that you meet in life.

When you speak on a stage, for example, 25% of people will like you, 25% won’t know who you are and 50% of people will think you’re an asshole even though you’ve probably done nothing wrong.

Critics are not all bad. You can learn things about yourself from them too. The solution is to learn from criticism, not be afraid of it.


Your career got messed up.

Whether you’re an entrepreneur or a happy-go-lucky office worker, your career is going to get messed up at some point.

The definition of business is this: Moving from one problem to another and making money in the meantime to fuel your mission. Business is really just problem-solving.

  • Redundancy could right hook you in the face.
  • The business you founded could go backwards and even bankrupt.
  • Your career skills could become outdated.
  • You could get fired for making a mistake.

Your career is going to get messed upThings you can never predict in your career are going to happen.

Solution:

See career challenges for what they are: an opportunity to try something different. If your career never got messed up, then you’d probably stay in your comfort-zone for your entire life and never try something different.

The solution is to see your career getting messed up as chance to grow.Getting made redundant could be the one reality that makes you want to create your own startup.

Having a customer leave could decrease your workload and create space for clients who won’t drain your time and make you no money.


You have financial troubles.

That crazy little thing called money will let you down at some point.

I’ve personally been rich and poor multiple times”

Upon reflection, the time I’ve been the happiest has been when I’ve had the least amount of money.

Countless studies have shown that money isn’t what your life’s about. As humans, we seek meaning, love and our own version of happiness.

Money won’t give you any of those human needs.

That doesn’t mean money doesn’t matter; it just means that it shouldn’t be your main focus or something you obsess over.

Solution:

Lack of money is a gift. When you don’t have money, you become resourceful and creative at the same time.

Lack of money helps you decide on what matters and what doesn’t.

If things get really bad, then you’ll likely prioritize feeding your family over buying another useless car that will never make you happy. You’ll take joy in the simple things in life.

The solution to financial problems is to see them as a gift and choose a meaning for your life instead.


You’re unhealthy.

Our health has become a real problem. We wonder why we feel tired, sick and get headaches. We’ll all experience health challenges at some point in our life.

How many health challenges we experience in our younger years will come down to food and exercise. The strategies for being healthy haven’t changed.

There’s no mystery around being healthy it’s just that we’ve become lazy.

Convenience powered by apps has overtaken our ability to do basic tasks and not binge watch Netflix every night.

Solution:

Take ownership. Quit feeling sick and do something about itHave some blood tests. Change your diet to be more plant-based.

Drink more water. Get your lazy ass to the gym 3 times a week for 30 minutes. Stand up from your desk every now and then so you’re not sitting for the whole day and messing your spine/neck up.

Whatever you do, take ownership of your health and quit being ignorant.


A relationship ended.

There’s less than 1% of people who met ‘The One,’ lived happily ever after, and never experience a breakup.

Even that 1% will have that relationship end at some point when either side passes away.

For the majority of us who don’t strike gold the first time around, we’re going to have to deal with breakups and the trials and tribulations of romance.

We’ll probably find ourselves in a toxic relationship for too long.

We’ll probably get cheated on at least once.

We’ll probably have our hearts smashed into a million pieces when we discover that someone ‘No longer loves us anymore.’

These are the realities of the human condition and our need to reproduce and keep our species alive.

Solution:

Finding love is about understanding what love is not. You need relationships to end to find out what love really is. All breakups suck in the beginning until you grow and move on. Then, the solution to this problem is to find yourself.

Once you find yourself, the heart will be ready for love again. How you move forward from there is up to you.

You can try the good old fashion nightclub scene. You could go to Meetups. Or, you could start swiping left and right on a few dating apps.

Have your heart broken just don’t let it stay that way


You made a dick of yourself.

Geez, this one is an ugly truth for me.

I’ve made an ass of myself more times than I’ve had protein and veggies for dinner. Here’s a few just for laughs (and your entertainment).

• There was the time I tried to pretend I could be the Wolf of Wall Street and got laughed out of the interview due to not being able to explain derivatives

• There was the time I thought this girl liked me and tried to hug her while we were walking only to have her hate my guts

• There was the time I went out with friends and threw up on my friend’s couch after having a single shot of Tequila

• There was the time I did my first public speaking gig and messed up a speech about my own life which I’d rehearsed over 100 times

We could talk for days about how I’ve embarrassed myself over the years. We could even compare epic fails to see who’s are worse. This is not a game though.

We’re all going to go into situations with the best of intentions or all the experience in the world and still screw up.

Solution:

Making a dick of yourself is a sign of courage. Courage is what is found in leaders and those who are doers.

Making a dick of yourself is an acceptance that you might fail in the short-term.

Those who fail in the short-term will eventually win in the long-term with practice.

The opposite of making a dick of yourself is perfection.That’s a life where you think your shit doesn’t stink and you spend your entire day trying to impress everybody to eventually impress nobody

Making an idiot of yourself is perfectly fine. What’s not fine is being perfect


Someone messed your *shit* up.

Car, home or insert other material possession that doesn’t matter. None of these material things that got messed up are joining you in the afterlife.

You can’t bury the Bentley with you (although someone tried) so you can drive around with your great, great, great grandpa and do burnouts in the afterlife.

The stuff that is going to get messed up doesn’t matter.

Solution:

What matters is that you don’t get messed up. What matters is that you take care of yourself so you can take care of others. Maybe when your junk gets messed up, you’ll realize that you didn’t need it in the first place.


You feel like your life has no meaning.

These moments where nothing makes sense is where you get to explore. We’re not born with a meaning for our life. Meaning comes from learning who we are and growing as a person.

The meaning for your life when you’re 19 will probably change from when you’re 51 and got three grown-up kids.

The quickest way to destroy your life is to believe that life has no meaning. A lack of meaning leads to depression, carelessness, drug taking and even crime at an extreme level.

Solution:

If you feel like your life has no meaning, then it’s time to experiment.Standing still is not how you find the answer.

Being intensely focused on one’s self only leads to more suffering

A short-term solution to this problem is to experiment with helping those who have nothing. Spend time with people who’d kill to be in your position and get some perspective.

I’ve found in my life that the greatest meaning for your life is normally tied to finding something you’d be happy to do for free that helps others.


You feel like you can’t go on.

We’ve all had those days. Those deep and sometimes dark thoughts can lead to a place you’ve never visited.

Some failures in life hurt more than others. Some failures can’t be solved through a listicle post such as this one with a dose of inspiration.

If you truly feel like you can’t go on, then there’s another way.

Solution:

Seek real help. These dark thoughts must be treated and sometimes the best medicine is to seek professional help through counseling, or for an extreme case, by calling Lifeline.

While I’ve never had suicidal thoughts personally, I have dealt with mental illness.

There is a way to come out the other side, but you have to put aside your pride and seek help

Please don’t become another victim of suicide by doing nothing.


Every day feels the same.

You wake up. You eat. You go to work. You eat. You come home. You eat. You go to bed.

Life can feel the same if you do nothing. It’s up to you to create variety and shape your habits into something more than a fixed schedule which makes you feel bored.

Days feel the same when there’s no purpose behind anything you’re doing.

Solution:

You must find joy in the repetition. You do that by taking those reps and making them mean something. Add some variety in by breaking your comfort zone. Set a goal to do something wild during your day every so often.

• Travel to another country

• Talk to someone new

• Try learning a new skill

Even after trying something new, you have to get used to some level of repetition. Let that repetition become habits that serve something which can help others.


Your friends are screwing your life up.

Dump them. Divorce them. Delete their number.

Every relationship you have in your life is a choice. The people around us often hold us back. They fill our minds with limiting beliefs, stories and goals that give us no sense of meaning.

Friends can kill our dreams or make us believe something we never thought was possible.

Solution:

Everyone deserves a second chance. Start by telling your toxic friends how you feel. Give them a chance to change with the new you.

If they refuse, take a break from them for a while. Ask yourself whether you want them in your life long-term.

‘Fitting in’ is what we’re taught to do. What I’d advise you to do is be you instead and that will attract the right people into your life.


You feel stressed.

77% of people in the US alone experience regular stress.

This young, previously blonde blogger has also recently learned about the effects of stress. I had a cortisol test and the doctor found the levels to be twice the normal range.

This stress led to brain fog, tiredness and a lack of mental clarity. Stress is also caused by what you let into your life. Having options can be a bad thing.

Solution:

We don’t need more; we need less to destress

• Declutter your home and office

• Say no to more meetings

• Say yes to invites from people that make you feel like saying “Hell Yes!”

• Buy less material things

• Have fewer people in your life

• Listen to one podcast instead of many

• Read fewer books instead of every one that’s recommended on a podcast

• Have less recurring subscriptions

• Invest and save more money so you can stress less about unexpected bills

• Take regular breaks (quarterly has worked for me)


A fear is standing in your way.

There are so many common fears — fear of spiders, flying, public speaking, dying, career change, heights and maybe even a fear of expressing yourself.

Fear is a concept of the mind. Nothing is scary or not scary. Our mind makes that choice for us and provides meaning to everything.

Fear can be overcome and that’s why we love stories of battling with fear. I’ve famously spoken about creating fear lists and then knocking them off one at a time.

Solution:

Smash the fear into tiny little pieces. Don’t avoid it. Don’t let it stand in your way any longer. Make a decision to overcome each fear you have and you’ll be unstoppable by the end.

Don’t let nerves trick you into thinking you’re fearful. We all get nerves, but we can still keep moving forward with nerves — I’ve even learned to use nerves to my advantage by using them as an extra energy source.

Nerves tell me I’m on the right track.

I’ve overcome my fear of public speaking and my fear of flying — my fear of spiders remains, but I’m working on that one 🙂

Real fear can be overcome through deliberate practice.


Dealing with the concept of death.

Last but not least, the old chestnut of death. Death is the one life problem we all have in common and can’t solve. Sorry for the bad news.

Death is going to take us eventually and it will take people you love through your life too.

The solution to dealing with death is not to overcome it but to accept it

Death can be our greatest motivator if we let it. Once you understand what death means in all of its darkness, you’ll understand life.

You’ll see death, not as a problem but a fact. That fact will change the way you see everything going forward. For me, it took several near-death experiences (almost being murdered and a cancer scare) to see death for what it is.

Death is not an easy pill to swallow. No short blog post like this is going to give you all the answers you’re probably wanting to know.

The only way I see of dealing with the reality of death is to go out there and live the best damn life you can, while you can!

Use your life to do something that gives you meaning and then you’ll no longer see death as a problem when it comes upon you.

Peace, love and respect — thanks for reading.

<<<>>>

If you want to increase your productivity and learn some more valuable life hacks, then join my private mailing list on timdenning.net

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Life

4 Lies You Keep Telling Yourself When You’re Afraid to Do Something

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When’s the last time you let fear get the better of you? Whether we want to admit it or not, fear keeps us from doing a lot of the things we know we really should do to achieve our goals. Fear is especially detrimental to entrepreneurs (read ‘wantrepreneurs’) that want to launch their first big project.

With this in mind, I thought I’d share with you four lies people tend to tell themselves when they’re coming up with reasons NOT to do something. Hopefully by calling out these lies for what they are you can get your next big project started without so much delay or frustration.

Here are the 4 lies you keep telling yourself when you’re afraid to do something:

1. I’m not ready to do this

Fear is a major obstacle for many early-stage entrepreneurs or business people as they start to plan and build their first ventures. Without positive reinforcement, many people can be paralysed by that fear, and some never launch their product or service because of that fear.

They’re afraid what they have to sell is no good, and they lack the self confidence to push through the discomfort and do it anyway. But I’ve got news for you, you are ready.

Discomfort is part of the process, and it is part of the journey. Likely, you will fail or experience certain difficulties, but without regular action, you won’t achieve anything. Regular action is key, so set deadlines for yourself and get to work.

“Momentum begets momentum, and the best way to start is to start.” – Gil Penchina

2. I have so many ideas, but I should wait until I have one that is good enough to pursue

Another big barrier to entry for many young entrepreneurs is knowing where to focus their time, money and energy. Most entrepreneurs have no shortage of good ideas, but knowing which areas to focus their efforts on is key if they truly want to become successful. A jack of all trades is a master of none.

Rather than avoiding choosing one path and trying to juggle three or four ideas, narrow your idea down to one niche, and stick with it for a duration of time to understand whether or not you can gain traction with that idea. When I say traction, I mean interest from the market.

If you can ask a large enough segment of the market for their interest in a certain topic, and if they express interest in that topic (even without buying), you should consider that proof of market validation.

Finding and selecting a niche is also an art in and of itself, but not impossible to teach. You should blend your current skill set (or find something that you can easily learn) with what there is a market demand for and what you are interested in. Once you find something that overlaps in those three areas, you will find a profitable niche for yourself.

3. This has already been created, I shouldn’t bother producing one more thing that people don’t need

Another problem that people face when they consider setting up their own business is learning how to sell, not just to other people, but to themselves. Chances are, if you have an idea for a product, it can be marketed and sold effectively, and it will provide some value to those who use it.

Unfortunately, many people have a very low self-image of their own skills and knowledge, and whether or not what they have will be of value to others.

Negative self talk can be a powerful influence on the success of your future business, so beware of its influence on you and how often you find yourself slipping into this mindset.

One way to get out of this mindset is to think less of yourself and more about the customer. Get in the habit of thinking less about what skills you have (or what skills you lack) and think instead of the market and what needs those people have.

When you decide to solve people’s problems, you have gone into a mode of selfless service, which is ultimately much more profitable than sitting on your butt feeling sorry for yourself. Strange isn’t it?

“The best way to sell yourself to others is first to sell the others to yourself.” – Napoleon Hill

4. It’s too late to start working on this today, I’ll make a fresh start in the morning

Everyone knows that the first few hours of the morning tend to be the most productive. With that in mind, it makes sense to start your day with the tasks that are going to be the most challenging, followed by the tasks that are perhaps more enjoyable or less monotonous. However, that won’t work for some people.

Sometimes it’s hard to wake up first thing in the morning. Perhaps you stayed out partying too hard last night, or you were kept up watching Netflix. Maybe you got to bed at a reasonable hour but just aren’t a morning person. Whatever the case, don’t think that you have to let all of the pieces fall into the right place at the right time.

Starting now is always better than waiting. Sure, you might not send off a client deliverable to someone at 2am, but if you are up and awake and able to string two sentences together or spend 15 minutes researching a certain topic, do it. Making even small bits of progress over time can lead to lasting success.

Whatever you end up telling yourself, understand that you are still responsible for your actions. Perhaps more importantly, you are responsible for your inaction. What inaction will you be responsible for if you decide to believe the lies you tell yourself on a regular basis?

How could your life be different if you decided, starting today, you aren’t going to take no for an answer? I for one, would love to see what the new you does with that power.

How do you get yourself back on track when you’re afraid to do something? Let us know your thoughts below!

Image courtesy of Twenty20.com

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6 Signs That You’re Already the Master of Your Own Destiny

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You wake up early, grind, produce, and orient yourself to the best you can be every day. What if, just for today, you paused for a moment to honor how far you’ve come? How might it serve you and how you serve others if you just gave yourself praise for all the adversity you have met with open arms?

It can be distorting at times to take a level-headed assessment of how far we have come while on our journey to success and personal mastery. There is a renewed personal vitality and nourishment that occurs when we slow down and sit with personal praise for a moment.

With that, consider this the letter from the Robin to your Batman. This is your permission slip to realize fully that no matter where you’re at, that all your time and talents have gotten you this far, and that is something to celebrate!

When it comes to carving our higher selves out of the blood, sweat, and tears in applying courage towards our dreams, there is tremendous value in developing an intimate relationship with all the ways in which our mindset, values, behaviors, and perspective have shifted over time.

Here are the signs that you’re already the master of your own destiny:

1. You have moved past the tendency of judging others

Your baseline state is observing the nuances of a situation or interaction without projecting your thoughts, emotions, or insecurities onto others. The flexibility that is born from this skill of self-knowledge and emotional awareness is the bedrock and proof for how far you’ve come.

2. Relationships in your life are changing

You’re attracting relationships into your life that reflect your higher self and dropping those that no longer serve your best interests. If people start to fall out of your life, you no longer feel guilty or sad – you simply come to terms with this inevitable fact of personal evolution.

Everyone walks their own path here, and just because they no longer resonate with you, does not make them a bad person. It just means they too need to find others who share their vibration.

“Truth is everybody is going to hurt you: you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.” – Bob Marley

3. You have become increasingly in tune with the emotional component of social skills

You think less, and you feel more. Humans are moved by emotion, so the more you become emotionally aware you are the more you can actualize your impact.

Ultimately, you understand the interconnectedness of being open to more of what is going on around you with how others are feeling and the emotions going on in yourself, so your leadership has become more inclusive and effective.

4. You believe you can inspire the world just by being who you authentically are

Sure, you have days of confusion and setbacks, and you still feel a form of relaxation when you’re tethered to the deep knowing that the more you share from a place of authenticity you give others permission to do the same. This belief opens the door to more intuitive listening to your gut. It also means you’re less attached to outcomes, which comes with it the sort of freedom only few people ever really experience.

“Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it’s better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.” – Marilyn Monroe

5. You are kind to yourself by honoring your integrity

This means not giving yourself a break to bail out on your word you give to yourself and others, and you do so from a place of compassion. You understand the difference between setting standards and your word to align with perfectionism compared to that which serves your dignity and the dignity of those around you.

This subtle wisdom in perspective can mean all the difference in creating your empire through burning out and maintaining peak performance over time, while truly enjoying the ride.

6. You prioritize self-care and personal recovery

Gone are the days of working hard and playing hard. Whether you experienced burnout in the past or have witnessed it in others, you are meticulous in your self-care strategies.

You’ve come to internalize the risks of working hard to build the life you want only to miss enjoying it because you succumbed to being plugged in around the clock.

You must prioritize all the following:

  • Meditation
  • Staying hydrated
  • Getting a good night’s sleep
  • Eating healthy in accordance to your body type and what it needs to stay optimized
  • Intimate connection with those you care about
  • Journaling to organize your thoughts
  • Creating healthy boundaries and saying no when appropriate

You deserve to be acknowledged, wherever you are on your journey. Don’t let the spell of personal improvement cloud your sense of personal mastery in the now.

Your destiny is relying on you to appreciate who you are at the core and share yourself with the world authentically. On some level, you can do that fully, right now. May this be an inspiration to press pause more often and honor yourself, in the name of falling in love with the process.

How do you spend your time relaxing in order to recharge yourself? Let us know what you do in the comments below!

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How to Instantly Heighten Your Influence Through Effective Communication

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As a practitioner and coach of NLP, I regularly experience people reaching out to me to work through a problem. While these issues range anywhere from a relational vendetta to a self-discovery impasse, roughly 90 percent of these hang-ups are centered around ineffective communication.

Now, I in no way claim to be an expert in this department. In fact, the more I dissect what I know to be true about communication, the more I realize I’m aloof to most of it. However, amongst the sea of pain and heartache, some common themes arose from the language and perceptions being opted for. These patterns clearly weren’t doing anyone any favors in the arenas of connection and influence and moreover, created a vague feeling of  —and  I use this term loosely — helplessness.

This isn’t exactly a surprise, as sharing and receiving ideas isn’t exactly our strong suit. Social issues, divorces, and violence can all be traced back to some type of breakdown in communication. Much of the world succumbs to a baseline of ineffective dialogue and we need an effective solution.

After just about every meaningful relationship in my life bit the dust, I woke up to a few painstakingly common denominators that were consistently tarnishing the effect I was having on people. Have a peek behind the curtain.

Here are four critical communication distinctions that will make an immediate impact with the people in your life:

1. Resist the urge to say “you”

Because of our overwhelming desire to be right — and therefore protected — we love sharing where the other person failed to meet our expectations. It’s common practice to pepper the phrases “you did this” or “you said that” throughout our explanation, as we want to reinforce how the other person made us feel.

This gets us absolutely nowhere and transforms the pre-existing chain-link fence into castle walls. By renouncing the use of “you”, the person’s nerves are calmed as the spotlight has been taken off of them—dissipating the feeling of being put on trial. The entire experience is now under consideration and they can sense you’ll be a little more objective in your drawing of conclusions.

“Communication- the human connection – is the key to personal and career success.” – Paul J. Meyer

2. Use “what” instead of “why”

Questions can be the most powerful gateway to understanding what’s happening in another person’s world. However, we often jump the gun when it comes to dealing with communication breakdowns.

“Why” possesses far too much depth as an inquiry, often careening someone off an emotional cliff. It pierces the conscious mind and it typically elicits a sharp comment or cutting remark in response, capping a lid on the potential for forward momentum in the conversation. Most people would prefer walking into the ocean, as opposed to being dropped into shark-infested waters.

“What” is much more of a surface-level inquisition. It treads lightly and doesn’t require the other person to dig as deep in their explanation. “Why” confronts the individual, while “what” confronts the situation.

3. Resist over-identifying with what’s being said

Expecting someone else to base their every move around your feelings is a recipe for disaster. No one has a complete picture of reality but our continual sole reliance on our own subjective view robs us of being quality contributors to others — most notably, in our closest relationships.

It’s the difference between the spouse who yells and screams at their partner for coming home late versus the one that greets their partner with genuine concern and worry for their well-being. One is a focus on the short-term (the emotions that arose from the situation), while the other is a response to the long-term and what’s most important (the health of the individual).

Taking the “all things considered” approach will do you far more good than simply concerning yourself with your own feelings. After all, they aren’t always valid. Stop yourself from the knee-jerk reactions whenever curveballs get thrown your way and instead, take a look at the score, the inning, how many outs, and the men on base— then you can take a swing.

“Communication must be HOT. That’s Honest, Open, and Two-way.” – Dan Oswald

4. Understand that how you perceive the conversation is entirely one-dimensional

Words, tone, and body language can play serious tricks on us sometimes. Consider that it’s impossible to know the truth within a conversation, as the “truth” is contingent upon whose point of view you’re basing it off of.

When communication reaches a stopping point, it’s usually a result of neither party being willing to waver on their indifferences. Attachment and pride get in the way in many areas of life and communication is no exception. To truly understand another person and appreciate where they’re coming from, you must give up your point of view.

It allows you to be a clear space for their ideas and input—free from judgment or cynicism. You can literally create freedom for another human being simply by opting to remain stoic and allow them to try on their own opinion, instead of having to force it down someone else’s combative throat.

This doesn’t mean you agree with them or validate what they’re saying. It’s simply a matter of making an impact— people will not move for someone they don’t feel heard by. Giving up your position not only allows room to understand another person, it creates freedom to roam the meadow of new ideas. It shows you that you’re okay despite temporarily being of no position or stance.

Our ego thinks we can’t survive without a strong opinion etched firmly within our psyche. It’s up to you to show yourself that you don’t have to be held hostage to that opinion— for you can let go of it at any moment in lieu of what really makes the difference for people.

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